The Big 8-0

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"Heyes! Heyes!" Kate whisper-shouted from her desk where she sat staring at a blank white screen. "Heyes!"

"What?" replied a much louder voice somewhere behind her that caused her to jump inches out of her saddle chair.

"Keep your voice down," she scolded. "I don't want Kid to hear us."

Heyes grinned. "You've finally come to your senses and realized how much more there is to a man than boyish charm and the body of a Greek God?" he asked.

The look on Kate's face told him her senses were still light years away from any such thoughts. "Kid's alter ego is having a birthday today," She explained.

"And?"

"And it's a big one," she said with great hesitation.

"How big?" Heyes asked cautiously.

"Eighty."

Heyes closed his eyes, shook his head, and sighed heavily. "Does the Kid know?"

"No. That's why I wanted to talk to you privately."

"It's a Dorian Gray situation," Heyes replied. "Lucky for us, the Kid don't read much."

"And the portrait is aging beautifully," Kate added. "That should be some consolation."

"Consolation to the Kid or the alter-ego?' Heyes asked.

"Would you be serious!"

Heyes was being serious, and was also very confused. "The portrait being the alter ego fella, I'm guessing. I'm sorry Kate, but sometimes this fantasy verses reality stuff gets a little foggy."

Kate was barely listening to Heyes' ramblings as she was fraught with concern over the eighty verses thirty issue and was certain it would make Kid far more than 'a little nervous.'

"So what do you think, do we tell Kid about the alter-ego's birthday, or just try to keep the fandom and Face Book sites quiet?"

"The what and the what?" Heyes asked, still trying to understand why Kate as so worried.

"Oh I'm sorry, Heyes. I forget sometimes that the two of you have a vastly different perspective than the rest of us. It's like Alice in Wonderland. Once you're in the hole everything changes."

"Okay, now I'm in a pea soup fog, Kate. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Reality verses, you know, make believe. You and Kid verses the real world."

"So we're back to talking about Kid and me being make believe? You're implying that Kid and me are the ones in the hole, right?"

Kate nodded, but appeared lost in worrisome thought.

"And us being in the hole, and make believe," he said with a smile, "and always thirty," he added, thinking the process through and then suddenly frowning, "we're right back to the portrait."

Kate bit one side of her bottom lip. "It all boils down to dimensions."

"Meaning Kid and me have a one dimensional life, and the alter ego gets to enjoy a three dimensional life?'

Kate nodded. "Maybe even four."

"There's a fourth?"

"According to science."

"Kid's gonna be majorly depressed if he finds that out."

Kate sighed, "But it's important to remember that this is really about the alter ego, a very distinguished, successful, and handsome man who has reached a very important milestone that all of his fans want to celebrate."

"Which just turns Kid into a little white rabbit for the day, stuck in a hole while the world celebrates the life of the man who impersonated Kid for what, three eightieths of his life?"

"Therein lies the problem. The alter ego has had eighty years of wonderful accomplishments like acting, tennis...women."

"He's outdone the Kid with women? Oh, the Kid must never know that! No, no, no, no, no. Never! Birthday or not, that just can't be mentioned, not within earshot of Kid Curry."

Kate nervously began biting one of her fingernails. "There's more, Heyes."

"More accomplished than Kid Curry? Just exactly how deep is that hole, Kate, cause you're gonna have to keep Kid waaay outta sight."

"It's just one day of alter ego accolades, Heyes. So, how do we get Kid onboard for that?"

Heyes chuckled. "There's just one way, Kate."

"No," she said adamantly. "I know what you're thinking and...Well, maybe."

"A hot tub and a never ending line of beautiful 'nekked' ladies and Kid will be perfectly willing to take a back seat to his alter ego for the day."

Kate slumped in her saddle chair. "I'm not good at writing that, Heyes. I can dream it, I can picture it in my mind, but putting it to words... I'm just not good at it."

"How about that Rachel lady off in England?"

"You don't think Kid would mind a little pain added to the picture?"

Heyes smiled. "Kid's middle name is pain, at least to you and that Rachel lady. Just have her keep the Kid busy with one of her nekked/hurt/comfort/angst stories. Kid will be too busy to even care what the alter ego is getting, I mean doing for his birthday."

Kate nodded. "I'll ask her."

"So Kid's taken care of. Now what are you planning for the alter ego?"

Kate frowned. "Likely another big party that he won't show up for," she said with a pout on her face.

"Maybe try taking pictures of him instead of Kid to your party. Or maybe try moving the party across the country so it's closer to him and he don't have to travel so far. You know, you said yourself this is the Big 8-0 for him. Kind of selfish to expect a man that age to travel all the way across the country just for a piece of cake with a candle stuck in it."

"You don't mince words, do you Heyes? For your information, that cake is hand decorated by Other Rachel who takes great care in the placement of the horses, and cows, and fences."

"Other Rachel? Is that as clever as you can get? No wonder he won't send you an autograph. The man's an artist and you're...not."

"Well what would you suggest Mr. International Art Critic?"

"You want to get a man's attention, you gotta come up with something...unique."

"Like maybe a singing telegram delivered to his house?"

"I said unique, not terrifying like sending a singing stranger to somebody's house."

"How about sending him a can of tennis balls?" Kate asked.

"You just keep bouncing them ideas around. I'll let you know if you come upon something that won't make him think you ladies are all living in your own little make believe world."

"Candy?"

"That would put a spark in me on my eightieth birthday," Heyes replied sarcastically.

"How about a good book?' Kate asked.

"Possibly," Heyes replied, thinking that would be something he'd appreciate.

"Well what then?" Kate asked, feeling totally lost.

"You said he's distinguished, accomplished, handsome. Think along those lines."

"Like a nice tie or a fine cigar," Kate said flatly.

"Freud would have a heyday with you, Kate."

"Well what then, Heyes!" Kate pleaded in utter frustration.

"Kate, you're making this way too complicated. What would you like for your birthday? No, wait! Let me rephrase that. What would some one who ain't a crazy fanatic fan like for her birthday?'

"Flowers?" Kate asked hesitantly.

Heyes spread both arms wide and smiled. "There you go!"

"What kind of flowers do men like?"

Heyes sighed. "You are definitely over thinking this. If it was me, I'd say daisies."

"Why daisies?"

"HELLO! She loves me, she loves me not..."

"DAISIES!

"And a nice card that just says Happy Birthday."

"Heyes, you're a genius. Respectful and beautiful. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because we're talking respectful and beautiful! Having read some of your stories Kate, I think it stands to reason you wouldn't think along the lines of respectful and beautiful, and don't go taking that as a criticism. It's just an observation."

Kate sighed, "I take that back about you being a genius," she mumbled. "But I do like the idea of respectful and beautiful. Something that reflects the man."

"There you go!"

A worried look suddenly crossed Kate's face. "He won't think we're calling him a daisy?"

"You could call him a lot worse, now stop over thinking!"

"Now the only thing left to do is convince Rachel across the pond to keep Kid occupied all day..."

Heyes chortled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that will be a problem."

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Author and multitude of fans note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mr. BEN MURPHY