Episode 1: So, uh, this is my team?
Chris: Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies! Because things are about to get wild! Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Fourteen spanking-new contestants! And a totally brand new location: a Cree island in western Canada!
The camera zoomed out to reveal a beautiful island with hills, mountains, woodlands, plains, and cliffs.
Chris: As you might recall during our heroes vs. villains finale, someone, and I prefer to remain nameless, accidentally destroyed our last island (A brief clip of Camp Wawanakwa sank in the All-Stars finale was seen, followed by shots of the new island. They included the new elimination area, a waterfall, a cave, and a pond)
Chris: So this is where we landed! No cabins, no showers, no hotels, no hot tubs! The only things we managed to save were the peanut gallery and the outhouse confessional and all the horrible butt smells that live in it (An intern comes out gasping for breath and faints) The campers will have to build their own shelters, forage for food, and bathe in the lake! It'll be the roughest roughing it that's ever been roughed on Total Drama! So buckle up! This is Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!
(Theme Song plays)
A set of lights apeared from behind a rock, then a second light descended from a tree. A camera popped from under a lily pad, lifting it and a frog, being stared by a bear wearing scuba gear. And the final camera popped from a rock, knocking a seagull off as the clip board apeared in fron of the camera.
Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine,
You guys are on my mind.
The camera started to move trough the new island. As Topher was seen trying to take the spotlight from Chris, who merely pushed him
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think the answer is plain to see,
The camera focused on the woods, where Sammy was taking a couple of berries, only to get a bucket full of it smashed on her head by Amy, she turned around to see Rodney holding a bouquet of flowers, but she simply sweated it away, Piers then conforted his big friend.
I wanna be famous.
The camera started to move to another área of the island, more specifically, a little cliff.
I wanna live close to the sun,
Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won,
On this area, Sky (using a three branch as a gym bar) and Alice (reading a book) saw Ella happily singing And atracting various animals, until Sugar pushed her of the cliff much to their horror, And the animals anger, who attacked the Paegant Queen.
Everything to prove, nothing in my way
I'll get there one day.
Thankfully, another group of birds catched Ella, And helped her to descent safely. Passing in front of Jasmine (who was sitting on a tree branch) And Shawn (who was in the tree hole whit a pair of binoculars)
'Cause I wanna be famous!
The camera moved to another area in the woods, focusing on Silver who was reading his tarot cards on a log. Being watched by an intrigued Mei
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!
The camera moved slightly, showing Shun trying to teach Dave how to meditate. But their calm was interrumpted by Beardo beatboxing and Leonard "casting a spells" and while Shun merelly opened his eyes for a moment before closing them again, Dave procedes to cover his ears irritated.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
The camera now moved to a scrapyard, where Rio was taking care of the seagull that had previously been hitted by the camera, she turned to see Scarlett and Max, the latter pressing a button to actívate a robot made of junk, like a washer for chest. But it imediatly started to fail, and Scarlett simply opened And umbrella to protect herself, while Rio jumped away with the seagull.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
The fire of the explosion turned into the one of the ceremony campafire. As Shawn and Jasmine got closer, a "zombie" popped from between them scaring Shawn. Said zombie was just Chris wearing a mask.
Whistling theme
The camera planned away, as everyone else but Jasmine whistled the tune.
(Theme songs end)
After the theme song plays, we cut to the McLean Mobile Air Command Center 2.0. It wasn't as long as the original version, which had also sunk into Lake Wawanakwa. It was also much shabbier than the original. After all, only the worst for Chris's beloved contestants, right?
Within the cabin sat twenty teenagers; ten girls and ten guys. They were a much more eccentric group than the previous two generations with a couple of exceptions.
A Cree girl with short black hair was among them. She wore a pale yellow shirt with a purple stripe, black pants, a purple beaded necklace, and orange feather earrings. She was one of the more normal-looking players. This was Sky.
To her left sat a girl with ivory skin and ebony hair. She was dressed in a pink skirt and blouse that made her look like a Disney Princess. Indeed, with a pink hairband bow in her hair, she bore a strong resemblance to Snow White. This was Ella.
Ella hummed merrily with her eyes closed. Sky sat nervously as the cabin of the zeppelin shook slightly. It did not seem safe. She pulled out a stick of gum. She was about to offer it to Ella but decided not to disturb her. She turned to her right.
Next to her was a tall and slim young girl. She has very long dark brown hair tied in two large sock buns above her ears, which are covered by a set of headphones as she was listening some music, with two long locks hanging loose to her waist, and shorter locks on either side of her face, pale peach skin and dark blue eyes. She wears a pink and white visor on her head, as well as a salmon pink tank top tied with a bow around her neck under a white quarter length slim fit top with ice blue sleeves. On her bottom half, she wears frilly flared mustard yellow shorts over black lycra leggings with salmon pink socks. Her hi-top shoes are ice blue and white with mustard yellow laces. This was Mei
Sitting next to her was a short but stout boy. He had gray skin and purple hair. He wore a jumpsuit slightly darker than his skin. This was Max.
Sky: Want some gum?
Mei: (putting down her headphones) sure thanks
Sky: (to Max) how about you?
Max: Your offer of simple confectionary will not save you from (devious look)
the pure evil of me! (Normal look) But yes, thank you!
Max took a stick of gum and tossed it into his mouth
Sky: (to Mei) what with the headphones?
Mei: Oh... I'm listening some upbeat music to psych me out
Sky: why upbeat music?
Mei: not sure, but it works for me
The two girls look at Max as gagged and hacked and spitting the gum out.
Max: Cinnamon! There is no need for you to be so spicy!
Over on the other side of the cabin sat an Indian boy who chuckled at Max's antics. He was dressed in a pale yellow shirt, a teal vest, black pants, and sneakers. This was Dave.
Dave: That guy's a little weird…
He trailed off, for an equally bizarre boy had just appeared right next to him. He was black, tall, wore a green robe, a fake gray beard, and was brandishing a wand. This was Leonard.
Leonard: Expelliarmus! (Dave cast him a puzzled, uncomfortable glance) I know many spells to ward off evil!
Dave: (uncomfortable) um, good?
Ella sensed Dave's discomfort and skipped over to him.
Ella: Cheer up, my good sir! There's nothing that can't be made sweeter with a song. Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah!
Dave: Is it Halloween or something?
Sitting near to him was a Chinese boy wearing a sleek, silver-colored jacket with teal accents, with or silver shirt with subtle gold detailing, also wearing navy blue pants with silver or teal stripes along the sides. He also wears a pair of white gloves with gold cuffs and high-top sneakers in white with gold trim, holding a deck of tarot cards. This was Silver
Silver: (to Dave) try to ignore him, (holds a card) you won't have to deal with him too long (Dave looks at him uncomfortable)
Ella tiptoed across the cabin, singing like a Disney Princess. She passed a pair of identical twin girls who smiled at her. The twins had platinum blonde hair, turquoise eyes, and wore red cheerleader outfits. One of them had a beauty mark on her right cheek. This was Amy. The other was Sammy.
Ella also passed an overweight black boy with an enormous afro and beard. He wore a gray shirt that looked like it hadn't been washed in a while and black suspenders. This was Beardo.
Beardo started beatboxing in a high falsetto much to the twins' disgust.
Amy: (disgusted) Ugh! (to Sammy) Switch seats with me! Now!
Sammy sighed sadly and obeyed her. Unfortunately for Amy, she found that this spot was no better, as it placed her next to the scariest contestant on the plane. She was seven and a half feet tall, black, and dressed in tan wilderness survival garb. This was Jasmine.
Next to her was a boy with turquoise hair tied in a short ponytail that hangs behind the back of his headband, draping over his shoulders and extending practically down to his elbows, wearing a blue short sleeved shirt and short teal pants also wearing blue boots. This was Piers
Next to them was girl with dark blue hair with light blue bangs, wearing a white jacket over a light pink shirt, black stockings, white skirt and shoes. This was Rio
Amy: (scared) Giant!
Jasmine: (offended) Are you and I gonna have a problem?
Amy: (demanding) switch back! Now!
Piers: don't let it bother you, I mean how frequently do you encounter someone of your height
Rio: (curious) how tall are you by the way? Eight-foot?
Jasmine: I'm seven-foot-ten actually, but I see your point
Meanwhile, a handsome boy with bronze hair was running around the cabin. His shirt and pants were the same colors as Chris McLean's typical outfit. This was Topher.
Topher: Chris! Yo! Chris?
He ran over to the other end of the cabin, where an obese girl with curly blonde hair stood, filing her nails. She wore a pink top and blue jeans. This was Sugar.
Meditating next to her was a Asian boy, with black hair wearing a green ninja style shirt with purple and gold trimming, black pants, black wrist bands and purple and green boots. This was Shun
Topher: Chris has gotta be around here somewhere! Anyone seen Chris? (to Sugar) You seen Chris?
Sugar, annoyed with him, seized Topher by the throat and pinned him against the wall.
Sugar: Stop yer fidgetin'! You scuff mah pageant shoes and I'll toss ya out the windah! You'll be squashed flat in two minutes!
Shun clearly disliking Sugar's attitude stood up and push Sugar and Topher apart
Shun: (to Sugar) hey I know he's being annoying but that's not reason too...
Sugar: ...toss him out the windah so he'll squashed flat in two minutes?
Right next to them was a nerdy girl reading from a book. She had red hair, tied up in a bun, and bright green eyes. She wore glasses, a yellow sweater, a teal skirt, knee-high stockings, and black Mary-janes. This was Scarlett.
Slightly irked by the inaccuracy of Sugar's threat, Scarlett walked up to her and corrected her.
Scarlett: Actually, in the first fourteen seconds he would fall eighteen-hundred feet, but then he would reach terminal velocity and drop a hundred-seventy-six feet per second. So if we're flying at the recommended thirty-two-thousand feet, he would hit the ground in three minutes and six seconds.
Shun: umm thanks... but you know that was kinda unnecessary right?
Over in the corner sat the last three contestants. One was a large boy with orange hair and beady eyes. He wore a white shirt and blue overalls. He listened to Scarlett with great intrigue. This was Rodney.
To his right sat a boy with shaggy, dirty blonde hair, unshaven stubble, and a skinny frame. He wore a white sweatshirt, an orange vest, and a toque. He was currently asleep. This was Shawn.
Next to them sat a girl with ginger-orange hair wearing a yellow dress with white shorts, a green blouse, and small white and green colored boots. She has a pinkish-red bracelet on her left wrist as well. This was Alice
Rodney: Wow! That girl has some real brains on her, huh?
Shawn: (waking up) Brains?! Whose brains?! Nobody's getting my brain!
Alice: (politely) would you please keep quiet I'm trying to read?
Suddenly, the weather outside took a turn for the worse. Thunder sounded and lightning flashed. An alarm started blaring and the aircraft started vibrating uncomfortably.
Chef: (intercom) Hang on! This might get hairy!
And it did. The aircraft was now shaking and the cabin seemed to be falling apart. Nearly everyone backed up against the wall or clung to their seats. Shawn was still protecting his scalp and fell off his seat. Sugar let out a shriek of terror. Ella crawled around the cabin letting out a bizarre noise that sounded as though she were singing and screaming at the same time.
There was a flash of lightning. The contestants were all blinded for a split-second. Chris McLean was standing in the middle of the cabin, seemingly having appeared out of thin air.
Chris: Hello, newbies! Ready for some fun?
Mei, Ella and Topher: Yes!
The host was evidently not expecting this kind of enthusiasm.
Chris: Huh. A bunch of keeners. I'm sure a little pain and starvation will fix that
Chris: Let's get started. This aircraft sucks! And is equipped with two emergency exits: here and at the end of the cabin! At said exits, you will find parachute packs to use in case of an emergency. But choose wisely! Only half of them contain actual parachutes. The others contain surprises that will be utterly useless while falling from the sky
Sky: well hopefully we won't need them
Dave: besides, why are you telling us this right now?
Chris: Because you all need to be prepared in case of an emergency. Like this! (pulled out a remote control and hit a red button)
KABOOM!
The zeppelin's engines exploded. The contestants onboard screamed and scrambled to the nearest exit. They all frantically grabbed their luggage and a parachute pack. There was no time to check if it was good or not. They all hopped out of the falling aircraft, with Topher being the last.
Topher: This is great! You've outdone yourself, Chris! Parachute?
Chris: Oh, no thanks! I'm not actually here. This is just a hologram!
Chef: (shocked) What?! Why ain't I a hologram?! (he stuck his finger through Chris's head, Sure enough, it shimmered and phased) ABANDON SHIP!
Chef grabbed the pack Topher had offered to Chris and the two finally jumped out.
Everyone screamed and free-fell for a moment before finally regaining enough of their senses to activate their packs.
Jasmine: The Koala says cluck to the platypus for luck (She pulls on the rip cord and releases her parachute)
Beardo: (Pulls rip cord; Chickens fly out, makes "Funny Failure" sound)
Amy pulls her rip cord and releases her parachute. She then notices Sammy holding on to her leg
Amy: Oh, I'll miss you, sis! Not much but… (Giggles) Probably not at all! Later! (She kicks her)
Sammy pulls her rip cord and she too has a parachute
Sammy: Yes!
Amy: (Annoyed) Ugh fine you can live.
Sky pulls her rip cord and cats fly out
Sky: Purrfect!
Rio pull rip cord releasing a parachute
Rio: whew thank goodness
Sugar pulls rip cord; tiara flies out. She places it on her head
Sugar: Oh how beautiful! (She pulls out a list) There are so many people I'd like to thank. First my mama…
Dave pulls rip cord and feathers fly out
Dave: yep feathers? I get it funny
Alice pulls her rip cord and a bunch of papers fly out
Alice: Oh boy this is going to hurt
Topher pulls his rip cord and releases his parachute
Topher: I knew Chris wouldn't let me fall
Leonard pulls his and tambourines fly out
Leonard: (Pulls out a book) Time to cast a spell. Let's see here. Is it this one or that one
Mei pulls her rip cord and get a parachute
Mei: lucky
Chef pulls rip cord; meat steaks fly out
Chef: Now that's Just wrong.
Rodney and Piers pulls rip cord both getting a parachute
Rodney: Yes!
Piers: whoo!
Ella pulls rip cord; teddy bear has its own parachute
Ella: Oh I'm glad you're safe little bear. (She then catches a tambourine from Leonard's parachute pack A bird flies towards her) Hello little bird, do you want to hear a song?
She begins to sing
Ella: I'm falling on a sunny, sunny day.
Hit the ground,
I just may!
Shun pack contains nothing, really there is nothing inside
Shun: empty... Nah could be worst
Silver pack contains golden rings
Silver: golden rings, where Chris get that?
Scarlett pack contains a parachute, Shawn's contains hot dogs.
Shawn: Normally, I like hot dogs. Right now, not so much. (Jasmine catches him and Leonard) Wow, thanks!
Leonard: Yes, the spell worked!
Chris: (Looking through binoculars) And here they come.
Beardo, Alice, Silver, Dave, Sugar, and Chef fall into the water. Jasmine lands safely on the beach with Shawn in her right hand and Leonard in her left. Sammy also lands safely
Sammy: Yes, I'm safe.
Amy: (To Sammy) Break my fall (She crash lands on her) Oh great it's you.
Sky slides off of a tree branch with her feet and does a front flip before diving into the water. While Shun swung a rope toward a nearby tree, grappled onto it, and flung himself into the water, their heads pops out just as Topher, Scarlett, Rio, Piers, Mei and Rodney land on the beach. Ella continues to sing until she lands; Chris is stunned of her singing as the bird flies around his head
Chris: OK!
Chef: (A bit torn up and annoyed) You could have given me an actual parachute
Chris: Shoulda, coulda, woulda! Didn't! Oops! But you're right! And I forgive you! Let's see… (mumbling as he began to count his new campers) Huh! Only one missing! Not too shabby!
Cuts to Max in a tree will his parachute open
Max: Release me tree or I will burn you to the… (branch begins to break) ground? (The branch breaks. He falls and screams)
Cuts to everyone on the beach
We then cut to the beach where all the contestants have lined up on either side of Chris
Chris: Welcome to Pahkitew Island! On the right, everyone who got actual parachutes! Scarlett, Mei, Topher, Rodney, Piers, Rio, Jasmine, Max, Amy, and Samey!
Sammy: Uh, it's Sammy...
Chris: Amy says everyone calls you Samey!
Sammy: Well, yes, but-
Chris: Because you're the second twin? The lesser Amy?
Rio: that doesn't make sense
Sammy: But my real name is-
Chris: You're officially Samey!
Sammy let out a depressed sigh.
Confessional
Sammy: This is so unfair! I auditioned for Total Drama to get away from Amy. Now I'm on the same team as her! I wish I'd gotten a parachute! Or that she did!
End of Confessional
Chris: Your team is the Pimâpotew Kinosewak! Which is Cree for Soaring Eagles!
The team celebrated, except for Sammy.
Sky: Um, sorry wrong that means the Floating Salmon
Chris: OK, then I guess you're the Floating Salmon
Chris: Those without parachutes, Shawn, Leonard, Silver, Alice, Ella, Shun, Dave, Beardo, Sky, and Sugar! Your team is the Waneyihtam Maskwak! Which, in Cree, means Ferocious Tigers!
Sky: (Interrupts) The Confused Bears
Confessional
Sky: I'm from Cree descendants. It's in my blood to know all the different translations
End of Confessional
Chris: (Rips up the note, to Chef) This is what you get for using a free online translator
Chef: (shrugs) my bad (leaves)
Chris: Anywho! Seeing as there's nowhere for any of you to sleep tonight, we figured your first challenge should be… to build your own shelter!
Sugar: Ah, poopy pants! I'm too tired for that!
TOOT!
A loud fart noise came from Sugar's direction. Sugar shot up in embarrassment. Her team shot her looks of disgust, save for Beardo, who looked amused
Sugar: That was not me! A pageant queen never farts unless it is her talent! But there be more to it. Maybe she'd play a flute or-
Chris: Hey! Farticus Maximus! I was talking! You can change your pants after I'm done!
Chris led the campers on a ten-minute walk to a junkyard. Chris hopped to the top of the nearest pile
Chris: Each team may take supplies from the common area before they begin to build! But! These supplies are guarded by Chef Hatchet, armed with a powerful tennis ball blaster!
Over on a large stone stood Chef wielding what looked like a minigun with a case of tennis balls on top
Chris: A glancing blow will sting!
Chef fired off a shot that struck Dave's cheek.
Dave: OW! (Sky gasped) I'm okay!
Chris: And a direct hit can take you right to the ground!
Max was hit in the stomach. He let out a yell of pain and collapsed.
Chris: Can someone please help that little boy to his feet? (Rodney picked Max up, but the supervillain just fell to the ground again) Good enough. On with the challenge! Team Maskwak will build their shelter further inland. Team Kinosewak, towards the beach! Your luggage had already been taken there. Best shelter, according to me, wins the challenge! Begin!
HONK!
Chris blared an air horn and Chef started bombarding the campers with tennis balls. The campers all screamed.
Sky: bears, follow me!
The rest of her team obeyed her.
Jasmine: Move, salmon, move!
Rodney picked up Max and followed the rest of the Floating Salmon to a hiding spot at the edge of the woods.
Jasmine: Here's the plan!
Rodney: Listen up! We-
Piers: OK crew! Let's-
The three notice that they were talking at the same time and attempted to talk over each other
Jasmine: Three of us should-
Rodney: We should grab-
Piers: We need to secure
Jasmine: Can you just listen?!
Rodney: What are you doing?
Piers: This is getting us nowhere
Confessional
Rodney: Back on the farm, it's always been me, my dad, and my five little brothers. I'm kinda used to being in charge
Piers: my father is a Lieutenant in the Canadian Navy, and he taught me a thing of two about leadership
Jasmine: It's always the big guys; they're intimidated by me; small guys, too, and most girls. I intimidate people
End of Confessional
Jasmine: (seizing Rodney and Piers by the collar) Just listen to the plan! We need to decide which items are important and make sure to get them! Got it?
Piers: OK, no need to get worked up
Rodney: (love-struck) We'll do it your way! It's never wrong to let love be your guide!
Jasmine recoiled. The rest of the team cast him awkward looks.
Meanwhile, the Confused Bears took shelter behind the rocks. Chef was firing upon them. Once the big guy let up a little. Sky spoke.
Sky: One pass each! Grab something good and make your way back here!
Dave: (to the team) does anyone has a better idea?
Leonard: how about I use some mag-
Dave: (interrupting) Sky, what was your plan again?
Shawn: I'll go! I've been training for the zombie apocalypse!
Dave: (confused) Zombies?
Meanwhile, Jasmine was giving instructions to the Salmon
Jasmine: The wood is the most important resource out there so I'd prioritize…(notice Scarlett raising her hand quietly) If you have something to say, Scarlett, just bark it out
Scarlett: (shyly) Um, no… But the wheelbarrow is more important than the wood because... it's a class-two lever and with the wheel acting as a fulcrum we can-
Sammy: We can carry-
Amy: (interrupting) Carry stuff in it! My idea! Mine!"
Jasmine: Nice, girls! You two help Rodney and Piers load the wood into the wheelbarrow and go! That alright, mate?
Piers: sounds good to me
Rodney: Anything for you, my beloved rose petal!
Amy: Argh! Move it, loverboy! (grabs a hold of Rodney's ear and dragging him out)
Confessional
Rodney: I just don't get it. When I'm on a team of all guys, I'm large and in charge! But when there's girls around, I just make a total fool of myself! What is wrong with me?!
End of Confessional
Meanwhile, Shawn had jumped into the fray. Chef fired upon him, but he was impressively swift and agile. He jumped, ducked, darted, and dodged out of the way. He was on his toes, but he managed to evade every single shot. He grabbed the first item he could and backflipped back his team's hiding spot. His teammates were all impressed
Sky: Way to go, Shawn!
Alice: That was amazing
Confessional
Shawn: In my mind, I'm always running from zombies! And if you're not, you're crazy! Anyway, I got a can of soup! Cream of Broccoli? Awwwww!
End of Confessional
Meanwhile, Amy was using Sammy as a human shield rather than gathering lumber, as Jasmine had instructed.
Sammy: Oop! Ow! Ow! Ooo hghhng oo owow! Oo ow hghg oo!
Amy: Okay, stop that yelping! You're making yourself look weak!
Piers deposited an armful of 2x4 boards into the wheelbarrow, while Rodney scooped up the twins, and ran back to the Floating Salmon' hiding spot
Jasmine: I'm going for the rope! Everyone else, bring something good! Hi-yaaaaaaaaaaa!
Confessional
Topher: I'll bring my face
End of Confessional
Back to the Bears, Shawn came back with his prize
Dave: (incredulously to Shawn) Soup? You grabbed soup?! We can't build a house out of soup!
Leonard: Sure we can! I once built a castle using nothing but a sunflower and the eyelash of a dragon!
Sugar, Ella, and Beardo were in awe
Sugar: There's no way we can lose! We have a wizard on our team!
Shun: I have my doubts
Sky: Alright! Who's next?
Ella: (excitedly) Oh, me! Me!
While Scarlett, Mei, Rio and Max followed Jasmine out, Topher went up behind the ledge from which Chef was shooting and Chris was standing
Topher Hey, Chris! You're going to throw to a commercial soon, right?
Chris: Um, why do you ask, Topher?
Topher: Well, it's always been a little dream of mine to watch you work! Live!
Chris smiled, flattered while Chef rolled his eyes
Chris: Well, who am I to deny the dreams of such an intelligent young man? Pardon me a moment (turned to the camera)
Chris: Building supplies are being collected! Team Kinosewak is doing a very wood job! While Team Maskwak is looking soupid! You don't wanna miss any of this here! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!
Topher: Bravo! Encore! Brilliant!
Chris: I like this kid!
(Commercial Break)
Chris: We're back! The players are moving, the Chef is shooting, pick your favorite team, and start rooting!
Topher gave an exaggerated laugh.
Topher: So funny! Love it!
Chris: Thank you! But now, it's time to get you back into the action!
Topher: Okay, I WAAAAAAUGH! (Chef grabbed jim and held him above his head. He then threw the boy fifty feet back into the junkyard. He landed painfully at Jasmine's feet. The tall girl ignored him and ran back to her hiding spot)
Ella was singing and dancing as she looked for supplies. A trio of birds followed her
Ella: (signing) Well, a house is a home and a home is a house! This is not a dress! It's a skirt and a blouse!
Chris: (puzzled) Is she singing?
Confessional
Ella: I've been watching Total Drama since the beginning, but I was a huge fan of Total Drama World Tour! I have all the songs memorized! And just because we don't have to sing anymore, doesn't mean we can't sing!
End of Confessional
Chef fired at Ella, but she daintily danced out of the way. Chef managed to hit the birds that were following her, though. Eventually, she came across two great finds. She gasped happily.
Ella: Good news! I found a bucket of glitter!"
Leonard: Marvelous!
Dave: No! Not marvelous! Glitter? Is she out of her mind?
Sugar: She must be! 'Cause it's obvious that glitter should be mine!
Dave: What?!
Shun: look it this way we can use the glitter to decorate the shelter and maybe gain some out of it
Dave: OK... I guess
Ella: I also found cement! We can use that, right?"
Dave: (exasperated) Finally!
Alice: good work Ella
Sky: Bring it!
Ella attempted to pick up the bag of cement, but it was impossibly heavy, as it was the same size as her
Ella: It's no use! It's too heavy!
Dave: Oh, you gotta be kidding!
Alice: it can't be helped that bag is the same size as her
Sky: Dave! You draw Chef's fire while Beardo makes a run for the cement!
Beardo: DING-DING!
Sky: Ready?
Dave: (unsure) Um…
Sky: (shoved Dave out into the fray) Go!
Dave: (nervously) Uh, hey! Over here!
Chef began to fire on Dave. He wasn't as agile as Shawn or graceful as Ella, but he did evade every shot.
Sky: Okay, Beardo! Go!
With a surprising burst of speed, Beardo shot out onto the field, imitating the sound of a steam locomotive.
Beardo: (imitating a train whistle) CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-WOO-WOO!
Once Beardo reached Ella, he grabbed the bag of cement in his right arm, flung Ella onto his shoulders, and charged back to the hiding place.
Beardo: CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA!
As the human soundboard passed the germaphobe, he scooped Dave under his left arm.
Beardo: CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-WOO-WOO!
Beardo flung his prizes and teammates at the rest of the team, who cheered.
Sky: (cheering) Way to go, Beardo!
Shawn: (cheering) Yeah, you da man!
Silver: I'll say that was impressive
Sugar: My turn!
She ran out and began rummaging through the junk pile, passing up many great finds in an effort to find another bucket of glitter.
Sugar: (whining) Come on! (holding up an old television over her head) Ain't there another bucket of glitter somewhere in this mess?!
SMACK!
Sugar was nailed in the face by a tennis ball. This caused her to drop the TV onto her head. This caused her to tumble down the mountain of junk. This caused Chris and Chef to laugh hysterically and high-five.
Scarlett was pulling a wagon full of lumber and Max.
Max: Move faster, minion!
Sugar, return to her team with a bale of straw and a cluster of bruises on her cheek and arms
Sugar: Hay!
Leonard: It's my turn!
Sugar: Go get 'em, Mister Wizard!
Leonard ran out and grabbed a pipe. He brandished it threateningly at Chef.
Leonard: Go back to the shadows of Wawanakwa! YOU SHALL NOT PASS- ARGH!
Chef turned his gun on Leonard and annihilated him. Within ten seconds, Leonard had been struck by fifty tennis balls and fallen to the ground looking more broken than Max.
His team just stared at him in disappointment.
Dave: Well, that was sad
Shun: agreed
Sugar: Oh, and you two can do better?
Shun: of course, after all, speed and stealth is the way of the ninja
Before anyone could say anything Shun was already running to the pile of junk, Chef shoots some tennis balls at him but he dodge it them effortlessly, once on the junk pile he grabbed a bunch of steel pipes before running back to his team
Shun: special delivery
Shawn/Sky: whoa can you teach me to do that?
Shun: maybe later, (to Dave) your turn man
Dave: (nervous) uhh
Sugar: (mocking) what you scared?
Dave: of course not, I can do this! Sky! Come with me! I have an idea! You and I can…
But Sky had already gone ahead. She weaved in and out of Chef's fire, grabbed a board, and swung it like a baseball bat. She hit one of the tennis balls, sending it careening into Chef's face.
SMACK!
Chef was struck in his right eye and was sent to the ground.
Chris: Wowzers! That girl's got some skills, huh? And so does that ninja boy
Sky: Come on, guys! The coast is clear!
The rest of the Confused Bears ambled onto the field and began to search for supplies at their leisure.
Meanwhile, Scarlett had just noticed that the tennis balls had stopped flying.
Scarlett: Max, look! Chef's gun is unattended!
Max: Yeah? So what?
Scarlett: You can seize it and use it against the other team! Wouldn't that be evil?
Max: What a great idea! I'm glad I thought of it! (runs to the ledge)
Mei: (to Scarlett) I know we have to win but is that really necessary?
Scarlett: he will be more useful that way
Max climbed to the top of the rock and took hold of the gun
Max: Mwa-ha-ha!! Cower before me, fools! As I rain doom upon you! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
Max shot at the Bears, forcing them to duck for cover. His aim was terrible, but he did manage to hit Beardo once, making him fall to the ground and covering his crotch
Beardo: Oh-ho-ho!
Chris: Six O'Clock!
Confessional
Max: Every season of Total Drama needs a villain! The first season had Heather, the second had Justin- or was it Courtney? Whatever! The third had Alejandro, the fourth had Scott, and the fifth had Mal. But they are nothing! I am more evil, more clever, more diabolical than all six of them put together! Beware, contestants of Pahkitew Island! For I am Max! Hear me roar!
End of Confessional
Max: Yes! Suffer, fools, suffer!
As he keep shooting, he felt someone tapping his shoulder. He turned his head only to see Chef angrily seize him by the throat and toss him back into the fray. He landed at the feet of the Confused Bears, most of whom glared angrily at him, especially Beardo. He smiled sheepishly.
HONK!
Chris: IT'S BUILDING TIME! Please leave the area and go to your designated building sites! You have four hours to complete your shelter!
The teams grabbed their supplies and headed off.
Max: (relieved) Phew! Saved by the bell. Let's see… an evil genius needs an evil lair to do his bidding…
Max walked around the island for a while before he spotted a cave in the side of a mountain.
Max: This cave will be perfect! (try to do an evil laugh but fail) try that again (laugh again but fail) it's not important to my lair!
Max ran into the cave, only to run out seconds later screaming in fright. A colony of bats followed.
Confessional
Max: It was really dark in there! I prefer something less spooky! No matter! Plenty of time to evil!
End of Confessional
Meanwhile, the rest of the Floating Salmon were putting together a treehouse.
Jasmine: Amy, Samey, Rio unload the wood! Topher, Scarlett, Mei glue the boards! Rodney, Piers help me with the support beams! Amy and Samey, faster! And where the bloody hell is Max?!
Mei: Scarlett send him to shoot the other team with Chef's gun a while ago, then I lost him completely
The team looked at Scarlett
Scarlett: (defensively) what he was doing nothing but annoying me, like any of you would do that in my shoes
Topher: fair enough
Amy: Whatever! We don't need him! And if we lose, we know who to vote off
Suddenly, the air was pierced by the sound of heavy construction noises. The whirring of a power drill, the pounding of a jackhammer, the roar of a chainsaw, and many more came from the Bears' building site
Sammy: What are they building?
Rodney: Sounds pretty serious!
Jasmine: All the more reasons to move your arses!
Piers: where they find a jackhammer anyway?
The Confused Bears were not actually building anything at the moment. All the noises were coming from Beardo.
Dave: Can you stop making sound effects, Beardo? It's starting to get annoying!
Beardo made a record-scratching noise and then shut up.
Shawn: Okay, now that that's over with, what are we going to build?
Sky: Well, we have rope, straw, cement, a bunch of pipes, a hammer,
Ella: Some very pretty glitter!
Shawn: And some soup! Huh? Huh?
Leonard: We shall build a Wizard's Tower!
Ella: Oh! Yes! I second that!
Sugar: Wizard says, Sugar does! Who's with us?
Beardo let out a slide whistle followed by a bell ringing, and raised his hand, so Silver and Alice both shrug and their hands forming a majority vote.
Sugar: 6 votes for a wizard tower!
Dave, Sky, Shun and Shawn seemed unsure about the proposition.
Dave: Are we sure this is the best we-?
Sky: Dave, the team voted! Building something is better than building nothing! Besides how can it be I mean... it's like webbing... right?
Shun: (deadpan) not even close actually
Sky: (embarrassed) anyway we gotta hurry! What do we do first, Leonard?
Leonard: First, we link arms and chant!
The team cheered, except for Dave and Shun
Dave: Really?!
Shun: (sigh) just roll with it
Confessional
Dave: So, uh, this is my team? A human soundboard, a Disney princess, a ninja, a guy with tarot cards.. I think that was what he was holding on the plane, a guy who believes in zombies, a guy who thinks he's a wizard, and Honey Boo-Boo? Man, all I need is to trade Sky and Alice for that supervillain guy, and the sailor guy and then I'd be the only normal person on this team
End of Confessional
Meanwhile, Max had finally had showed up to his team's building site.
Jasmine: (sarcastic) Oy! Nice of you to finally show up, mate!
Max: I have better things to do than to assist in making a dwelling unworthy of my evil!
Piers threw a stack of wooden boards into Max's arms.
Piers: Get to work before I keelhaul ya!
Max (timidly) Yes, sir
Meanwhile, with the Confused Bears...
The entire team had linked arms and started muttering nonsensical chants
Shawn: Uh, nothing's happening!
Dave rolled his eyes in response to Shawn's observation.
Leonard: My spell isn't working, because someone here doesn't believe in me!
Dave: (sarcastic) Gee! I wonder who that could be!
Sugar: I bet it's Ella!
Ella: Me?! No, it couldn't be!
Sky: Guys! Guys! Whatever we're doing is not working! Dave! Ella! Alice! Shun! Leonard! Start mixing the cement! Sugar! Silver! Shawn! Beardo! Help me collect and stack stones! We gotta hurry! We only have three and a half hours left!
Three hours and thirty minutes later…
Jasmine hammered the final nail into what was a pretty respectable treehouse, big enough for ten people, complete with a small deck for which all team members were standing on, except for Max
Jasmine: Done!
Chris: (flying in with a jetpack) This is nice! And a smart move building it above ground level!
Max: (arrogantly) Oh yeah? And why is that?
Suddenly the ground began to rumble.
Topher, Mei and the twins let out startled yelps. Jasmine fell off the roof and was caught by Rodney, much to the former's annoyance and the latter's pleasure.
Chris: Here comes your answer!
A stampede of moose came charging by. Max attempted to run but was trampled underfoot by two dozen or so moose.
Chris: This island is a little wilder than our last one!
Meanwhile…
Despite all the road bumps, the Confused Bears had managed to build a wizard's tower. It stood about forty feet high. The midsection was held together by rope, cement and some steel pipes. A straw roof had been placed at the top.
Beardo was celebrating the completion of the shelter by playing an imaginary trumpet, much to his team's irritation.
Dave: Would you zip it already?!
Beardo imitated the sound of a zipper closing and drew his fingers across his mouth
Dave: (sigh) Well, we're doomed
Leonard: But it's not done! Ella?
With a happy grin, Ella picked up her bucket of glitter only for it to be snatched out of her hands by Sugar.
Sugar: (arrogantly) Leave this to the per-fessionals!
She then recklessly tossed the glitter at the base of the tower. A bit of the glitter got in Dave's eyes and he turned away in irritation.
Dave: Huh? Where's Shawn going?
The team turned to find Shawn walking off into the woods by himself
Confessional
Shawn: Spend the night with a bunch of strangers who could turn into zombies while I'm sleeping? Ha! No thank you!"
End of Confessional
Chris: Team Maskwak! Wizard's tower, huh?
The team smiled and nodded at Chris, except for you-know-who, who just sighed in shame
Chris: So, is it moose-proof?
Sky: Is it what-now?
The team didn't have time to be confused, as the ground started rumbling. The pack of moose was approaching menacingly. Sky, Dave, Shun, Silver, Alice, Ella, Beardo, and Sugar ran into the woods for cover. Leonard curled up into a ball behind the tower. Beardo made alarm noises.
The moose pack passed the tower, but it stood firm. Once the last moose had gone, Leonard stood up, unharmed. His team sighed in relief.
Leonard: (cheering) Huzzah! The beasts of Pahkitew Island are no match for my wizard's tower!
Leonard was about to pat his creation...
Silver: (holding a tarot card) I wouldn't do that if I were you
Sugar: don't order the Wizard around
Leonard pat the tower but as soon as he do it, the tower came apart at that moment
Silver: (smug) you were saying
Leonard: Force field!
The rest of the team cringed, believing that Leonard was a goner. Yet, when the dust cleared, Leonard standing in the same position completely unharmed.
Leonard: It worked! (Just then, a rock the size of a bowling ball dropped on his head) D'oh!
Alice: why do we have a bowling ball anyway?
A little while later, Chris gathered the teams to the meeting area. The Floating Salmon sat on a log on the right, and the Confused Bears sat on the left.
Chris: Well, I'd like to say it a hard choice, but I'm an honest man! Team Pimâpotew Kinosewak wins the challenge!
The Floating Salmon cheered. The Confused Beard groaned
Chris: The winners of each challenge will be rewarded with a takeout order from a sponsoring restaurant! This week, it's the Petting Zoo Barbeque! The Petting Zoo Barbeque: Someone else touched your dinner! We guarantee it!
Chris handed Jasmine the menu for the Petting Zoo Barbeque and a notepad for them to take their orders.
Chris: Team Waneyihtam Maskwak! Please go vote! One member of your team is going home tonight!
The female Bears moaned sadly while the males groaned indignantly.
Shawn: Oh, come on!
Leonard: How could a wizard's tower not win?!
Dave: ARE. YOU. KIDDING ME? You almost got run over by a pack of Mooses And crushed by 20 tons of rocks. And all you think about ITS YOUR DELUSUINAL MAGIC FANTASY? Get this trough your Thick skull. YOU'RE. NOT. A WIZARD
Confessional
Alice: (frowning) OK I know Leonard was kinda of annoying but he's just trying to help, Dave didn't have to snap like that
End of Confessional
Shun: (grabbing Dave's shoulders) whoa there, I know Leonard is and annoying death weight-
Leonard: hey!
Shun: but need to calm down (do a meditation pose) do what I do an take a deep breath
Dave hesitate but do it anyway
Shun: better?
Dave: (surprised) actually... Yes
Confessional
Dave: I have to re-evaluate my impression of Shun, despite all that ninja stuff that weird and kind of cool, he is a very calm guy
End of Confessional
Elimination Ceremony: Waneyihtam Maskwak
The two teams were summoned to the elimination area, which was a nice open cliffside plane with two ramps one leading down to what the campers assumed was the new Dock of Shame, while the other leads to another plane of the cliff with a table surrounded by two torchs
The Bears sat down on the logs, stumps, and oil drums that acted as seats. Sky, Shun, Shawn, Alice and Dave sat in the back. Ella, Leonard, Sugar, Silver and Beardo sat in the front
Meanwhile, the Salmon were seated in the peanut gallery, which had been recovered from the wreckage of Camp Wawanakwa. It showed clear signs of water damage but was still in useable condition. Amy, Sammy, Rio, Max, and Scarlett sat in the front, while Jasmine, Rodney, Piers, Mei, and Topher sat in the back
Chris: Welcome to the Pahkitew Island Elimination Area! This is where we determine who stays to play another day, and who gets a one-way ticket home!
Confessional
Dave: Let's see… Six people voted for the wizard tower… So can I vote for four people?
Leonard: (Annoyed) You don't believe in me! Maybe you'll believe in the cannon; you worrying freak!
Beardo: Boy-o! Today's challenge was a car crash! (Imitates a car crash)
End of Confessional
Chris: But first let's award our winners their meals!
Chef brought in ten paper bags with the Petting Zoo BBQ's logo on it. Each one had a different Floating Salmon's name on it. Once Chef distributed the bags to the proper contestants, they dug in. The Bears watched with jealous hunger.
Amy: Ugh. My chicken is rubbery (pushed her dish aside and swiped Sammy's meal) Mm! Your beef looks good!
Sammy: Ugh… fine… (reaching for Amy's chicken)
Amy: (slapping Sammy's hand) Ah-ah-ah! I might finish that
Sammy: But what…(sighs in depression)
Rio: (to Sammy) I can share mine with you if you want (Sammy smile delighted)
Chris: anyway time for the votes
Sky: but we haven't voted out yet
Chris: that's because you're voting here and now (point to the other plane) this new island come with a new elimination method
The campers were intrigued by that
Chris: this is how it's going to work, one by one you must go to the voting booth write the name of the player you want gone and deposit it in the ballot box
Topher: and what about the marshmallows?
Chris: I'll explain that when the time comes (to the Bears) now get voting
[VOTING CONFESSIONAL]
Dave: (holds a paper with Leonard's name) do I have to explain myself
Alice: (holds a paper with Dave's name) I vote for Dave, he didn't have to snap at Leonard like that
Sugar: (holds a paper with Dave's name) It's definitely not the wizard
Shun: (holds a paper with Leonard's name) definitely Leonard
Sky write her vote, while Shawn thinks who to vote
[END OF VOTING CONFESSIONAL]
Chris: The votes are in! (holds up a tray of nine marshmallows) now first I'll toss a marshmallow to the players who doesn't have votes against it, after that I'll read the votes one by one and when the loser is determined I'll toss the remaining marshmallows. The following players are safe...
Sky!
Shawn!
Shun!
Alice!
Ella!
Silver!
And Sugar! You are safe!
Chris tossed marshmallows to each of the named contestants, Sky let out a cheer. Dave looked startled. Leonard and Beardo became nervous.
Chris: Dave, Beardo and Leonard one of you is leaving today, now time for the votes...
First vote... Leonard
Second vote... Dave
Third vote... Beardo
Fourth vote... Leonard
Fifth vote... Leonard
Sixth vote... Dave
Seventh vote... Dave
Eight vote... Leonard
Ninth vote... Beardo
Chris: that's 4 votes Leonard, 3 votes Dave and 2 votes Beardo (pulls out the last vote) one vote left
Dave gulped nervously. Leonard's lips trembled. And Beardo sweat nervously
Chris: the first player going home is...
…
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…
…
…
…
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…
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Leonard!
Leonard: (outraged) What?!
Sugar: NO!
Chris toss the last to marshmallows to Dave and Beardo, who made the sound of Pac-Man eating a pellet
Dave: (sighing in satisfaction) Time for a vanishing act
Leonard: Magic boots and armpit smell! Bring forth a time-reversal spell!
Nothing happened apart from the larper making himself look stupid.
Chris: Nothing? So weird!
Leonard: Fireball! Lightning bolt! Ice shard! …Dammit
Chris: This island is called Pahkitew! Which is the Cree word for 'explosion.' So we figured this season's mode of transportation home, should be something with a bang! Everyone, follow me!
The campers all cast worried looks at one another before following Chris down the ramp. There was no Dock of Shame. There was instead a large device covered in a sheet. Chef was waiting eagerly to unveil it
Chris:vWithout further ado! I give you the Boom of Abashmant! The Kablam of Chagrin! This season's humiliating way home: The Cannon of Shame!
Chef threw the sheet off to reveal a giant cannon with red and white stripes. All fourteen contestants gasped, with one exception.
Max: Excellent! Your wickedness never fails to impress, Chris
Topher: (scared) Uh, yeah! What he said!
Chris: Thank you, boys!
Chef slapped an Evel Knievel helmet on top of Leonard's head and stuffed him into the cannon.
Chris: Any final words, Leonard? Any final magic words?
Leonard: Naw...
Chris: So long, Leonardo!
Kaboom!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Everyone stared at Beardo, who grinned naughtily.
Chris: Would you knock that off?!
He pressed the button and fired Leonard out of the cannon.
KABOOM!
Leonard screamed as he soared through the sky, across the lake, and out of sight.
Sugar: (tearfully) I love you, wizard!
The rest of the campers watched him fly away in both awe and fear
Chris turned to the camera.
You know what's weird? I already don't miss him! Ha-ha! Oh well! That's one down and thirteen to go! Who's the next human cannonball? There are just too many good choices! Tune in and find out yourself, here on Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!
(End Credits)
-VOTES-
Beardo: Leonard
Dave: Leonard
Ella: Beardo
Leonard: Dave
Shawn: Leonard
Sky: Leonard
Sugar: Dave
Shun: Leonard
Silver: Beardo
Alice: Dave
-RESULTS-
Leonard: 5 votes
Dave: 3 vote
Beardo: 2 vote
-ELIMINATION TABLE-
20. Leonard, The LARPer (Wâneyihtam Maskwak)
Author's note: And here we have the first episode of TDPI Rewrite. As I told you before I'm not going to do All-Stars, but if you want to know my headcanon for All-Stars tell me on the reviews, and also put any constructive criticism, is always welcoming, any way like my last history the season would be pretty the same thing but I'll tweak one thing of two, one of things for starters is as you can see I combined the elimination method used on Disventure Camp with the marshmallow tossing, give your opinion about it, one I'll putting focus is the Skave plot, personally I never dislike Dave when I first saw the finale and saw what happen to him, I was like WTF, I really dislike how that was handled it, and while I say I'll keep the season pretty much the same I'll give some background to somewhat explain how everything went downhill, I'll also do the same with other characters, and I'll take the whole evil Scarlett thing, in my opinion that was completely unnecessary and random so won't include it, any way, give your thoughts about it on the reviews and any constructive criticism if you think I can improve someway
Until next episode