"I'm telling you, Data. I heard music. In Main Engineering."
"I do not doubt you, Geordi." Data considered his friend curiously. Geordi seemed determined to discover the origins of the music he'd heard in Engineering two days previously.
He'd already had the computer conduct a sweep of the section of the Jeffries tubes that he'd isolated as the likely source of the audio disturbance. He'd then enlisted Data's help in physically examining each tube and transecting tunnel. The two officers had even devoted several hours of a scheduled day off to the investigation.
He seemed to be taking it as a personal affront that something was going on in his Engineering bay without his express consent or even knowledge.
"I think it was a flute… Definitely a wind instrument," Geordi muttered.
"Commander LaForge…" Geordi startled slightly as the Captain's stern voice drifted across the bridge to where he and Data were currently running diagnostics on the sensor array at science station 2.
"I trust that you've almost finished with your testing Mr. LaForge…"
"Yes, Sir. Sensor array will be back online momentarily."
"Excellent. See that it is."
Jean-Luc Picard was one part amused and two parts horrified to overhear the conversation between his Second Officer and Chief Engineer. On the one hand he felt the urge to ask the pair why they hadn't yet finished what was a simple and routine task, since they clearly had time to indulge in idle gossip. On the other he feared that it would only draw subsequent speculation which he most definitely wanted to avoid.
He fervently hoped that Geordi would let the matter drop. Either way there would be no more impromptu duets in the Jeffries tubes. He could only imagine being discovered by one of his senior officers in a clinch in the bowels of the ship…. No, it wasn't worth the risk. Now he had to consider how to relay that to Nella without causing her to feel that he was, once again, hiding their relationship.
—-
They'd just finished supper when he decided to take the bull by the horns and broach the subject of Geordie's little mystery.
"I'm afraid we'll have to refrain from using the Jeffries tubes from now on. It seems that our little recital had an unexpected audience."
"Really…. Do tell."
"Oh yes, Mr. LaForge has made it something of a personal mission to discover who was behind it."
"Did he at least enjoy the show?" she smirked.
"I didn't let him get that far in the recounting…"
"Because you don't want anyone knowing that we were the musicians in question." He could hear a note of hurt and accusation in her voice.
"Nella, we've been over this. It's not that I am embarrassed to be seen, or heard as it were, with you." He sent her a smile aimed at convincing her of his sincerity. "I simply like to keep my personal life private."
"I do understand, Jean-Luc."
"As Captain, there isn't much that I can truly call my own" he felt compelled to add.
"I like the sound of that." He lifted an eyebrow in question. "Your own."
"And I mean it."
"Well, it seems a small price to pay in order to have your undivided attention when we're alone…." Her voice was laden with innuendo that was hard to miss.
"Would you look at that… We're alone right now, Captain." She sent him a sultry look and caressed his chest before bringing her arms up to settle around his neck.
"So we are. And you most definitely have my undivided attention."
Picard breathed a sigh of relief as he followed her into the bedroom. He hadn't felt like this in such a long time, perhaps ever. This new relationship with Nella reached something deep inside and filled him with a giddy sense of euphoria. He was determined to make this relationship work despite the obvious hurdles they would have to overcome.
His feelings, the overwhelming emotional and intellectual attraction that had developed between himself and Lt. Commander Daren had been so unexpected, delightful and wonderful, but unexpected.
Hearing her inspired performance at the concert in 10-Forward the previous week had been the impetus to the instantaneous rapport that had sprung up between them. Perhaps nothing would have come of it had Nella not taken the initiative and visited him the following evening in his quarters, but she had, and he'd felt himself drawn to her forthright attitude, and of course their shared love of music seemed to only underscore the rightness of their developing bond.
The joy he was feeling, the anticipation of spending time with her after his shift, playing music and talking about a wide and varied range of topics from history to star system formation made him feel years younger. He knew logically that he was too old to feel so smitten, so infatuated, but he was also convinced that these feelings between them could become something so much more.
The only worry, of course, was how to navigate these emergent feelings, this blossoming relationship with his command responsibilities, with his duty. Surely it would be possible to accommodate both…
—
By the following evening, he realised that perhaps he'd been overly optimistic. It seemed that while the navigation of a romance with a subordinate was his only worry at the moment, Nella had concerns of her own, or more precisely, one specific concern.
"I stopped by Sickbay the other day."
"Oh?"
"Yes. I told you my arm was bothering me, remember? Your Dr. Crusher fixed it right up for me." She paused as if waiting for a response or acknowledgment from him.
"We got to talking. I like her. Very efficient. She said you've known each other for quite some time, many years I believe was how she put it."
"Yes." He knew that his curt response was not what she seemed to be looking for but felt that to add anything further would be a mistake.
"You and Dr. Crusher…. You have a close relationship…. "
Not at all comfortable with where this was headed, he merely nodded then realised that situated as they were, her back nestled into his chest, that she couldn't see him responding and he had no choice but to answer.
"Yes… you could say that."
"It's just very unusual…" He somehow restrained a groan. He should have seen this coming.
"Nella, Beverly is a close friend. Nothing more. We've known each other for two decades. Her late husband was my closest friend. We were close, all three of us. We lost touch after he was killed but have renewed our friendship since we've both been stationed on the Enterprise." He was thankful that the dim light in his bedroom hid his expression from her.
He didn't ever know just how well he hid his feelings surrounding his relationship with Beverly when forced to openly discuss it, even though he'd become very adept at controlling his reaction over the years.
He was always concerned about letting something slip… After Ambassador Odan had been on board, he'd redoubled his efforts, afraid he'd not adequately hidden his reaction to that relationship when he'd come to understand that not only were the two of them together, but that it was serious enough for there to have been discussions about her potentially leaving the Enterprise.
"And there's never been…"
"No." Had she known him better, she would have perhaps picked up on the tension masking the evasion in his voice.
"I see…"
"There is nothing for you to worry about."
"Of course not. I'm being silly, aren't I?"
"You are, but you are forgiven."
He kissed her lightly on the lips when she turned her body in his direction. She returned his kiss, her lips moving insistently over his, her hands running up his chest to pull him on top of her. She forgot all about Crusher and everything else as passion overwhelmed them both.
Afterwards, when her breathing had evened out, Picard lay awake for several hours, listening to the soft sounds of his lover while he mulled over this newest difficulty. It was clear that Nella was uncomfortable with his friendship with Beverly. What to do about it though…?
He'd already asked her to compromise, to agree to keep their relationship out of view of the crew. He couldn't very well demand that she accommodate his confusingly intimate relationship with another woman as well… His friendship with Beverly Crusher had always defied description, but he was now involved in a serious relationship, and it seemed somehow inappropriate not to set firm boundaries.
There was also the fact that he hadn't been truthful with Nella. He'd lied to her earlier… He hadn't set out to. It was just that he'd never told anyone about that night. Besides, he thought somewhat defensively, it wasn't as if Beverly would have wanted him to tell anyone, and certainly not Nella…
He'd tried so hard over the years to exorcise that night from his memory, to convince himself that it had never happened. Explicit images of what they had done the night of Jack's funeral had haunted him for years, continued to do so, if he were being honest with himself.
The soft sounds she'd made, the smell of sweat and sex and her, how it had felt to be inside of her, her body clenching around him. No other lover before or since had ever had the lingering effect on his body, his mind… his heart… like Beverly. And they'd only ever been together the once.
Yet it was all tinged with the knowledge that he'd taken advantage of her grief. Her husband's body had barely been interred and…. She'd needed a friend and instead he'd acted like a hormone driven adolescent. He was honestly surprised that they'd been able to establish such a close and intimate friendship afterwards, that she didn't hate him.
They'd been wild that night, barely restrained, out of control. He'd known immediately afterwards that grief and despair explained her actions, but for him there had been another emotional layer that night, no matter how much he wished to deny it; the hopeless and forbidden love that he'd always harboured for his best friend's wife.
Afterwards, after she'd fallen asleep, and he'd tucked the quilt around her, he'd almost given in. He hadn't wanted to let her go. He'd wanted to keep her, but his guilt and love were both clamouring inside of him, not allowing him to see a scenario in which he could keep her.
No, there had been no happily ever after for him there. And so, he'd kissed her tenderly on the forehead and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her, before withdrawing and making good his escape…
Nella shifted beside him pulling him back to the present with a brutal thump. Had he really just been reliving…. while Nella slept blissfully unaware beside him. He drew in a shaky breath. Nella might have only her instincts to guide her, but perhaps her concerns were not unfounded. He needed to nip this in the bud…. Sooner rather than later.
Breakfast between them had been rare since Nella had boarded, but the handful of times they'd agreed to meet he'd always specified that he come to her quarters.
If she ever wondered if he'd left Nella sleeping in his bed, she never let on and their morning meal progressed as it always had with comfortable silences broken by tidbits of gossip from sickbay or thorny issues of diplomacy to dissect.
He feigned interest in the love lives of her medical staff, and she provided him invaluable input or simply a much needed sounding board allowing him to start the day with a fresh perspective or indeed at times a solution to his current dilemma.
This morning seemed no different than the rest to Beverly Crusher, or at least the rest since Commander Daren had wholly captured her friend's attention. She'd actually been shocked when he'd continued to breakfast with her even sporadically.
She'd been certain he'd pull back from their friendship completely. And even if their morning small talk was coming to be dominated by anecdotes of the happenings in stellar cartography, she was pleased that he still made the effort to spend any time with her at all.
Thoughts of just how much the other woman had managed to insinuate herself into every aspect of Jean-Luc's life only served to remind her of how much he had in common with Commander Daren… more than he'd ever had with her really…
For God's sake Beverly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You could have almost any man on this ship if you wanted…
She hated to admit it, but Jean-Luc's new relationship had left her feeling… insecure… unsettled. It was not a state she was used to, nor particularly enjoying. Her friendship with him had been the one source of consistency in a professional life that was often filled with risk and characterised by the unpredictable.
Finally, the sudden silence in the room penetrated her rambling thoughts and she glanced up to find him looking at her expectantly. If the serious, almost anxious look on his face was anything to go by, she'd missed something significant.
"Sorry, Jean-Luc. What was that?"
"Beverly, I don't think that… What I mean to say is that… As much as I enjoy your company in the morning, and I do, I think it might be best if we…". His ears had reddened, a sure sign that he was embarrassed and suddenly she knew. Coming to his and her own rescue, she smiled at him as genuinely as she could.
"Don't spend so much of our free time together?"
If it were possible his ears turned an even darker shade of red and he couldn't hold her gaze, instead turning his attention to the remains of the croissant that he'd abandoned on his plate.
"It's just that…" She didn't want to hear the explanation; didn't need to in any case.
"Of course, Jean-Luc. Say no more. I'm happy for you and I completely understand. Our friendship is… unusual and any partner might find it… inhibiting."
He smiled at her in relief, mainly relief that he wouldn't have to spell it out, because he wasn't certain that it would paint Nella in the most flattering light. Beverly was always so gracious, knew just the right thing to say. Of course she understood, she always had.
As usual he found himself in a much better mood for simply having talked to her. He reached a hand across the table and capturing hers, gave it a quick squeeze before asking her to pass the jam pot. He felt enormous relief to have so quickly been able to assuage Nella's concerns.
—-
As Will Riker picked his way through the tables in 10-Forward it was immediately clear to him that Beverly was not herself. He was no Counselor, but as far as he could tell, the Doctor hadn't been herself for the last couple of weeks. Will dropped down onto the stool beside her, not entirely surprised when she failed to notice his arrival.
"Hey," he nudged her playfully. "I don't think you'll find any answers in there." He nodded his head to the half empty glass sitting on the bar in front of her.
"What about advice?" She tilted her head up at him, giving him a distracted little smile.
"Nope, but my schedule is wide open… shoulders are available too if that's required…". She shook her head at his cajoling look.
"What can I help you with, Commander?"
He grimaced theatrically. "Ouch, Doctor! You could seriously give a man a complex…. "
Seeing that she wasn't about to bite he quickly changed gears hoping to be able to at least distract her. He thought that he knew what was bothering her, and he'd been through something similar enough times to know that distraction would help, at least for a while.
"Personnel files. You were supposed to meet me at mine 15 minutes ago. Now, I know better than to actually expect you to show up on time," She lightly smacked his bicep at this. "But I figured I should come check up on you before sending out a search party. Thought since you were here, we could grab a drink." He signalled one of the bar staff to bring him an ale.
"I'm…"
"Sorry… I know. And clearly distracted." She didn't bother to deny it, simply dropped her gaze to where her fingers were deftly twisting the twizzle stick that had accompanied her drink into an interesting new shape.
"Beverly, if you're not up to this tonight…." He paused looking over at her, unsure if he should proceed. Throwing caution to the wind he continued. "I think the personnel files can wait, but maybe one specific personnel problem can't…"
"I don't know what you mean..." But he thought that she did.
Will had become adept at ferreting out and resolving the Enterprise's personnel issues. That was his responsibility as First Officer after all, probably more so than on any other ship given the limitations of his CO.
Jean-Luc Picard could handle the trickiest of diplomatic crises, the most demanding and challenging of dignitaries, but personnel issues were rarely within his wheelhouse.
Funnily enough, Riker himself had not often been tasked with the job of "handling" Beverly Crusher. Picard usually dealt with all things Beverly without prompting…. Which really said everything that needed to be said about the relationship between the Captain and the CMO.
The fact that it was Will Riker and not Jean-Luc Picard that had quickly realised that something was bothering the doctor and what specifically that something was…. Riker thought that he and Beverly might just be sharing similar yet… different… issues with the same member of staff.
Beverly eyed him warily. Will was her friend and her equal in rank, but what was weighing on the doctor fell into the realm of personal and professional. Not something she'd normally share easily with anyone, even Deanna. Her interest, however, had been peaked. How was Nella's relationship with Jean-Luc presenting a personnel problem for Will, she wondered.
Seeing her hesitate, Will picked up his drink and gestured towards a table in a far corner of the room which would provide them with privacy from prying eyes and ears. They nodded to Guinan as they headed for the vacant section of 10-Forward, Will met the bartender's eyes and knew that the El-Aurian would ensure that they were not disturbed by either staff or other patrons.
After settling at the table Will turned his attention to his companion. Beverly was mindlessly turning her glass between long, slender fingers.
"I had a visitor on the bridge not too ago..." Beverly looked up sharply at him.
"Lt. Commander Daren…." Will silently gauged the doctor's reaction and didn't miss the tightening of her lips and the stillness that came over her entire body including her fidgeting fingers. Definitely the same personnel problem…
"She's very direct… Pushy even…" he added. Beverly's face gave nothing away.
He didn't know how to bring the conversation around to Picard's personal relationship with Nella but realised that he didn't have to. The fact that Beverly was willing to have this conversation with him said a lot about how the situation must be impacting her.
"She paid me a visit as well… In Sickbay… I treated her for a strain… nothing that will affect the fulfilment of her duties of course… She's been playing music with the Captain, said they'd overdone it…" She held Will's gaze, comprehension flowing wordlessly between the pair.
Beverly couldn't be completely certain whether or not Nella had come to her specifically in sickbay in order to try and discover the true nature of the relationship between the Captain and the CMO… Good luck figuring that one out, she thought acidly. Even the two of them hadn't been able to definitively categorise the nature of their relationship, not in almost two decades.
She had a feeling, however, that Nella had ventured into Beverly's domain that day with not one, but two objectives. She'd been on a fishing expedition and had been subtly marking her territory. Not long after that conversation… Well, things had changed between Beverly and Jean-Luc.
"I'm beginning to feel… uncomfortable…" Beverly was drawn back to the man sitting opposite her in 10-Forward.
"Uncomfortable in what way?" Perhaps it was Nella's blunt demeanour which was causing Will issues.
"I couldn't prove that she's using her relationship with the Captain to attempt to demand professional concessions… but it sure seems that way."
Beverly was a bit shocked at this. She couldn't imagine Jean-Luc ever tolerating that level of insubordination in another member of his staff. As unpalatable as it was for her to admit to herself, it spoke to the depths of his feelings for the Lt. Commander, to the seriousness of that relationship.
Beverly swallowed hard and attempted to divert her thoughts by focussing on helping her friend troubleshoot a solution to what was, indeed, a very tricky personnel issue.
"Have you brought this up with the Captain?"
"Not yet… I'm struggling with just how to bring it up with him to be honest with you. What should I say? How much should I say…?"
"Well, I might not be the best one to advise you there…" Riker knew there was something specific behind the comment and waited her out, hoping that she'd choose to confide in him. She sighed deeply and to his surprise, she did.
"The Captain invited himself over to breakfast the other day." Riker's confusion was evident.
As far as he and the rest of the crew knew, breakfast was shared more often than not by the Captain and the CMO. Beverly easily interpreted his puzzled look and was silent for a moment, long fingers tapping her glass as she thought how best to explain.
"We haven't often had breakfast together since… Well, things change, right? We just get used to the way things are and, sometimes things change…"
"And… things changed that morning?" he prompted.
"Yeah." She took a fortifying sip of her drink and reluctantly continued.
"Let's just say that I was made aware that my presence in his life was surplus to requirements." She hadn't meant to sound so harsh… so bitter. She seemed to gain awareness of just how she must sound, like a jealous former lover or spouse.
"So, I'm probably not the person to ask how to navigate the… fallout of that relationship." She downed the rest of her drink and pushed up from the chair. Will attempted to snag her hand in his.
"Beverly…"
"I think you're right, Will. I'm really not up to going over the personnel files tonight. Can we make it tomorrow night instead?"
"Sure." Without really waiting for his reply, she turned and made her way towards the exit, leaving Riker to mull over their conversation.
Guinan eventually wandered over to personally collect Beverly's abandoned glass.
"Everything alright, Commander?" He tilted his head towards her in question.
"The Doctor, she's been in here the past few evenings, first eating alone then nursing a drink. It's unusual."
Riker didn't want to betray his friend's confidence but with Guinan he probably wouldn't need to, he reflected.
"Just some personnel issues that need to be ironed out."
"Perhaps you and Dr. Crusher could think of a way to work on that together," she suggested innocently. He honestly couldn't tell what Guinan knew. The woman had one hell of a poker face.
What he needed to work on was finding a way to lay out his concerns with his Captain without it sounding like he was complaining about the man's girlfriend.
They had always enjoyed a smooth working relationship and Picard had always taken his First Officer's concerns seriously. He couldn't ever imagine the Captain allowing a personal relationship to take precedence over his duty.
However, before this evening he never would have imagined that the man would cut Beverly out of his life quite so brutally either…. He wished that there was something he could do for her….
Suddenly his face lit up with amusement and mischief. Maybe there was something he could do to distract the good Doctor... Guinan patted him serenely on the shoulder before gliding back to the bar.
"See, I knew you'd think of something."