It is two weeks until Errol and I can finally set a date to meet up. He has various parents' evenings, family events and football matches, that I am given to understand he is playing in rather than chaperoning and I have the children who I do not want to miss a moment with in case Grey gets his wish of joint custody. It's a Friday evening and Grey has the kids through until the next day, so the timing worked perfectly.
We don't meet at a fancy high end restaurant because Errol is very much not Grey. He is on a teacher's salary, not a $37.1 billion net worth. We meet at a Red Lobster instead, which I am weirdly excited about, having not visited one since before I met Grey. It is also perfect, as people don't expect the rich and famous there, which means there is absolutely no paparazzi presence. I may be done with Grey, but I am not ready for this to get back to him yet.
I've picked a cute red dress out, which the last time I wore was to Grey's 28th birthday party and Errol is in a flannel button down and suit bottoms. He heads over as soon as he spots me parking up, giving me his winning smile. I now have my own security detail, having parted ways with Sawyer, who has been instructed to wait in the lobby. "Wow, I have competition," Errol says spotting him with a playful grin.
"It's a treat to see you too," I tease him as he kisses my cheek, letting me go through first on our way to a booth.
"I'm so glad we finally managed to clear the diaries," he says ordering a Diet Coke. He is so polite, pleases and thank yous when ordering, unlike Grey's cold lack of acknowledgement. It's refreshing.
"Yes, let's hope a second date doesn't take this long," I joke.
"Oh, a second date before appetisers," he says with a grin as he checks his menu.
"Maybe the second date will take longer," I tease him. He laughs. Conversation is very easy. He smiles and is much more affable than Grey. The conversation isn't serious, he tells me about his family. Two brothers and two cats, who he clarifies are his siblings as well. His parents, a teacher and a psychiatrist sound very easy going, like their son. He has a one bedroom apartment he rents in town. He's enthusiastic about his job, a head of grade teaching history at a local high school.
And he wants to know about me. But not in a creepy stalkerish way like Grey always did. In a genuine interest without pushing too hard or diving too deep. I tell him about Phoebe and Teddy, about my role as an executive before resigning and about my family. As dessert arrives, I know I do need to drop another bombshell.
"There is something you should know," I say taking a spoonful of cheesecake. "I'm pregnant."
"Wow, this really was a hell of a date," he says with a grin. The man is totally unflappable. "No but seriously, congratulations. That's awesome right?"
"It is and it isn't. I mean, I love being a mother. But unfortunately the father is my estranged husband, which does complicate things somewhat," I say with a sigh.
"Well you have to focus on the positive. This is a wonderful child being brought into the world." He's so relaxed about finding out the woman he is dating is pregnant, so easy going. I imagine Grey would be baying for blood at this point in the same circumstance. At the end of the night, he walks me to my car.
We share a beautiful and brief kiss and he strokes my hair. "Thank you so much for tonight, Ana. I hope to see you again very soon," he adds as he holds the car door open for me. I give him one last look before heading home. it's far too early to tell if there is something there but for the first time in many weeks, I have done something solely for me.
I have travelled to Escala to collect the children after a full weekend at his. Being back in Escala after so many weeks feels strange. The place has been my home for so long but yet now it feels cold and empty, like those first few times I met Christian. And when he hit me with that belt. I know my way around like the back of my hand but yet it feels again like that unforgiving maze. I want to pick my kids up and get out of here.
The light is on in Grey's study so I walk towards it. Facing my ex husband, when we have communicated only through lawyers since that fight seems horrific. But he lives here. The chance of getting away without seeing him is slim to nothing. And at any rate, I certainly have a bone to pick with him after the surprise in the ob-gyn. The room is deserted. Much like when I got all that paperwork. Paperwork he doesn't know I have. I run my finger over the edge of his desk and decide to try that top left draw.
Fuck. It's there. Leila's gun. Five years later it is sat there. Still recovered after the fight with Hyde. Still fucking loaded. Does Grey really know nothing? We have two children and there is a loaded gun in his desk drawer. Fucking prick.
I'm about to take the bullets out of the gun when a small Post It note catches my eye. It has his messy handwriting on and a number. A combination I don't recognise. I look up. Is this the combination to the safe I couldn't get into? I peel the Post It note off the back of the drawer and head over to the safe, carefully entering the combination.
This is my shot. My shot at the last pieces of evidence. The photographs of his subs. The safe springs open. They're here. I pull my phone from my pocket and start to take photos. I'm 15 in when my heart falls. And falls.
The 16th photo is me. I don't know when he took it. I'm in the playroom. Blindfolded and on his cross. My hand flies to my mouth in shock, unable to process what I am seeing. This cannot surely be me. It is. I'm in the stack. I'm number 16. Contract number 16, that was missing in the pile. The one I assumed he had hidden elsewhere. But no, I am 16.
I take the photo with shaking fingers, folding it small and placing it in my pocket. I take photos of the other pictures with an urgency I didn't know was there before. I throw all but 16 back in with disgust and slam the safe. I want to run, but I don't. I stagger to his desk and sit down.
Then he is there. The man I despise is stood in front of me. 5'10. Messy copper hair. Piercing grey eyes. A self satisfied smirk. In his favourite grey suit bottoms, a white shirt. The sleeves rolled back.
"Anastasia. What a pleasant surprise. In my office. Uninvited," he says with casual ease, his Detroit accent filling my ears and making my stomach turn.
"Christian Grey, the world's biggest arsehole," I say unable to keep the putrid hatred from my voice. I look up and meet those dark, swirling gray eyes. That face, a pale reminder of my pain. His arm, still slightly shrivelled from his cast coming off. His fingers that can do so much but that I want to snap off individually at this moment.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asks, taking the seat opposite me, one leg crossing over the other with calm easiness, like he isn't facing the woman he has wronged for the last 5 years.
"You know why I'm here. I need to collect our children," I'm surprised at how low my voice is given what I just found in the safe. I should be up screaming at him.
"For now you do," he gives me his playful, knowing smile. I'd love to wipe it off his self satisfied face.
"You know you'll never get custody. Especially after the gift you gave me," I breathe at him as he cocks his head to one side.
"I didn't know I had given you a gift. I mean other than a billionaire's lifestyle to enjoy for the small price of sucking my cock one a week," he grins at me. Fucking bastard.
"Four weeks ago, Mr Grey, I had a lovely visit to the doctor to confirm I am with your child," I begin as calm as I can manage.
"Ah, my semen is so much more appreciated by you when not swallowed then?" His eyes are glinting in delight.
"Unfortunately, this was only gift one of two," I spit at him and he goes white.
"Twins?" His voice loses the cockiness for the first time this evening. His grey eyes are wide, almost fearful.
"Twins would have been delightful," I sneer at him. "But no, unfortunately syphilis. Now where, I wonder, could you have picked that up?"
"You have syphilis?" He looks visibly horrified. Yeah Grey, your submissive blood testing needs a bit of work doesn't it? When you're managing to catch and then transmit syphilis.
"Let me rephrase that. I no longer have syphilis. But I think we can safely assume you do," I say without hesitation. He balks. Yeah, not nice to find out someone you thought you could trust has given you an STI, is it? I see he is struggling to compose himself at that thought.
"I don't have symptoms," he says without preamble. I'm vaguely tickled by the fact that he hasn't accused me of catching it off someone else. He clearly must think he's that great that I could never love another. Pah.
"Neither did I. But I'd strongly recommend you get a test. And advise all previous sexual partners. Who knows how long you've had it?" My eyes are glinting. He looks confused. "Oh, Mr Grey, I've seen more than one contract."
"So you know. You know how long this has been going on?" He breathes. My eyes meet his cold grey ones as he leans across the table.
"Of course I knew. I can understand dates," I spit.
Grey looks satisfied for the first time in a while, leaning back in his chair.
"Why did you do it, Christian? Just tell me," I want to be powerful, but in front of him right now I feel small and vulnerable.
"I warned you, Anastasia, I warned you I did not want a child. You did it anyway," he says in a low voice, his eyes dark.
"You did it because of Teddy?" I ask shakily.
"You know I love our children," he says flatly. "But you. You baby trapped me. And I think you did it on purpose," his voice is so low. I try and blink back tears.
"Christian. I never did that. It was a mistake. It should have been such a happy one," tears start to splash down my face and I see an almost satisfied look in his eyes.
"Anastasia. You broke my trust. Anyone who breaks my trust pays," he says in a dangerous voice. "You know that."
"But, Christian. When Ted was born. Why? Why didn't you stop?" I am outright sobbing at his desk. This is planned? He didn't just need his old habits? He didn't fall for someone? He was punishing me?
"I love Ted. But that didn't change how I felt about what you had done. You betrayed me. You were my wife. I couldn't drag you through the courts for that. I couldn't spank you. So I betrayed you," he whispers. The anger hasn't left his eyes for one moment of this conversation.
"You punished me?" I say through my sobs.
"You broke the rules," he murmurs. "I didn't want a baby. You forced one on me anyway."
"You could have left? Why didn't you do that?" I dash a fresh set of tears away before they can fall unbidden into my lap.
"You think you would have had a better life if I did?" He asks me, his eyes glinting.
"I don't know," I'm quiet. I don't want to keep crying in front of him but the tears are out of control.
"You could have. You would have walked away with quite some money as well," he tells me simply.
"You know I never cared about money-"
Christian's mouth curls into a smile. "Why would I take the chance? When I could have you and a submissive?"
"Elena convinced you of this, didn't she?" My voice wavers but my resolve strengthens.
"My conversations with my friends are of no consequence to you," the smile remains. It makes me angry.
"You kept meeting her, cooking your little plan together? Didn't you?" I whisper back.
"Well you are clever," he says with a smirk, he's trying to antagonise me.
It works. I stand and he crosses his legs. His arrogance knows no bounds. He rests back in the chair, regarding me like I'm some worthless employee. "You are scum," I say, bitterness dripping in my voice. "Syphilitic scum."
"And you are naive," he says giving me an easy grin. It makes my blood race faster with anger.
"You. I wonder who you would have been if you hadn't have met that whore? Would you have ever. Could you have ever been a decent human being?" I snarl.
The grin doesn't fade. The arrogance remains oozing out of his body. "Mrs Grey, you wronged me as much as I did you," he crosses his arms, wincing a little and I know his arm still hurts. I want that smug look off his face.
"Well I'm glad I broke your arm," I snap at him. "It's what little I could do."
"Oh you did plenty. Maybe if you couldn't use contraception, you should have closed your legs," he sneers with ease.
That does it, what fragments were left of control shatter. I grab the gun from the top drawer and cock it. I point it at his chest.
Grey loses his cool. He's up immediately, the chair discarded to one side. I let the target follow him and I picture a red x on his chest. His white shirt covered in his gushing blood.
"Anastasia, put the gun down," he says in the most level voice he can muster.
"Why? Does it scare you?" I ask tightening my fingers on the trigger. "Are you scared I will blow your cunning brains out?" I move the gun higher, his face its target.
"Anastasia, think what you are doing here," he says very slowly. His hands are half up in obvious surrender.
"Think? Just like you?" I snap at him and he visibly flinches as I flick the gun.
"Anastasia, please," he says backing up to the wall of his study. He could run to the door but I think he is scared I will follow him.
I give him a smile. Just like the one he was giving me. "I won't kill you straight away, Christian. Why spoil the fun? Let's blow your cock off first," I point it at his crotch. He has nowhere to go unless he runs. He's reached the wall.
"Ana. Please. Listen to me," he says trying to keep the fear from his voice. He's trying to talk to me like a wounded animal. In a way I am.
"I'm listening, Mr Grey," I say, moving the gun up a little, square on his gut. Grey looks down at it before back at me. His eyes have a desperation in them.
"Ana, if you kill me. Our children will be without a father," he says slowly. I snort in derision. A father who didn't even want them. "But more importantly, they'll be without a mother. You will be in prison."
I want to lower the gun at this thought but his words are still loud in my ears. "I'll plead insanity," I say without hesitation.
"It'll be your word against a dead man's," Grey says firmly. His face is sheet white and has a thin layer of sweat on it.
"Even under gun point, you're still a smart ass," I say, brandishing the gun again and he jumps.
"Ana that is loaded," he warns me, his fingers on the wall, I am sure scratching the paintwork.
I laugh. "I know that Grey, because, I unlike you, believe in an American's right to be armed."
"Guns do horrible things," he says desperately. He brings a hand up to his hair, practically pulling it out.
"You do horrible things," I whisper and he's very conscious I've moved closer to him. "And even now. You don't apologise."
"What do you want me to do?" He asks his voice unusually high. "Beg you for forgiveness. Get down on my knees and beg you to-"
Grey stops and I can't see why but I hear the shrill scream. "Daddy!" Teddy shouts running for Christian, desperate to protect his father. Grey grabs him as I drop the gun, immediately defeated and Grey is getting his son out of the room. The world stops. What the fuck did I do? I can hear Grey talking.
"Ted, Teddy. Shush. Listen. It's okay. Teddy, shush," Christian is trying and I can see them reflected in the window as rubs his son's back and holds him. "Mommy and daddy. We were being silly. It's a toy." I feel so much gratitude to Grey for lying my heart hurts even more. I'm sobbing again and I collapse down by the desk. They're out of earshot, he's off to try and settle him. I curl up and sob.
Grey returns 30 minutes later. I see his shoes walk in, white Nike trainers and I see him bend to pick up the gun. He replaces the safety catch. "Anastasia. I need you to get out of my house and never return. Proceed with the divorce. Do you what you need to do. But get out of my house," his voice is steady. I know he has the gun in his pocket.
I stand, wiping my tears. "You are not coming out of this the good person," I say angrily.
"Neither are you," he says dangerously. "Get out of my house," he repeats.