The day after the memorial Jay is taking a shower when the water suddenly goes cold. He yelps in surprise, cursing Kai who was probably to blame for using up all the hot water with his complex hair care routine. A tightness starts to cling to his chest as he remembers the cold water creeping up his body inside his sub car. Cold and wet. He frantically turns off the water and is left standing in the shower, shampoo all through his hair, dripping wet with cold water. The tightness doesn't go away, in fact it was becoming difficult to breathe. "This is stupid, I don't have asthma, I just need to calm down." He tries to take some deep breaths, to centre himself, but his memories of being trapped would not leave him, the water clinging to him making them all the more vibrant. Cold and wet. The fact that he wasn't getting enough air wasn't helping with his panic. Lungs burning as I kicked at the windshield. He lets out a groan as he decides that maybe using the inhaler wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but unfortunately it was back in his room.
He had a few options; 1. Call for help and have one of the other ninja fetch his inhaler. Nope, he wasn't ready to admit to them that he needed it. 2. Go back to his room all wet and soapy. Nope, the others would notice he didn't finish washing his hair and figure out something was up. 3. Turn the cold water back on so he could quickly finish rinsing off. It took every bit of courage he had to reach his hand back towards the tap. The water was freezing as he plunged his hair back under the stream. He remembered how the seawater felt as it covered his hair after taking that last big breath. I'm not in the sub, its just a shower, I'm fine, except for the breathing, fuck, seriously? Why is it so hard to breathe? He turns the water off, and escapes the shower, wrapping his towel around him and scooping up his clothes before quickly heading back to his room. He normally got changed in the bathroom, but today he was making an exception. He reaches his room and is fumbling with the door while trying not to drop his towel or clothes, or let his thoughts consume him. The door to the game room slides open and Cole sticks out his head into the hallway. "You ok Jay?" he asks.
Jay doesn't turn to face him. "I'm fine." he manages to say between gasps, before getting into his room and slamming the door. He immediately goes to his bedside table retrieving the inhaler from the drawer and taking a puff like the doctor had demonstrated. After a few deep breaths he takes another puff, relief washing over him as his breathing starts to become easier. His relief is quickly mixed with disappointment. That shouldn't have worked, because I don't have asthma. Placebo effect? Yeah, let's go with that.. He picks up his towel and starts trying to remove that cursed cold water out of his hair. I'm not in the sub, I'm not in the sub..
There is a gentle knock at the door. "Jay?" asks Cole.
"Don't come in, I'm changing."
"Ok, you sure you're ok? You looked a bit upset?"
"That stupid hot head used up all the hot water!" It wasn't a lie, that was what had triggered all this. "I'm fine." he adds, hoping that is enough to make Cole leave.
"Ok, just, let me know if you need anything." says Cole before the sound of footsteps indicate he is backing off.
Jay sighs, as he glares at the stupid inhaler for his stupid fake asthma.
The next day at breakfast Zane comes over to him. "Be ready to go in 10 minutes." He says.
"Go where?" Asks Jay with a mouth full of cereal. "A mission?"
Zane pauses to think. "Of sorts."
Jay is puzzled, but pleased that he hasn't been benched because of his stupid fake asthma. He finishes his breakfast and gets ready to go, dressing in his gi and meeting Zane in the lair. "Just us?" He asks Zane, surprised no one else is there.
"Yes." Says Zane as he gets in the driver's seat of his ice car.
Something seems off, but Jay shrugs it off and climbs into the passenger side. As the car drives away from the temple Jay decides to try asking again. "So, what's the mission?"
"I am taking you to the doctor."
Jay's heart plummets, so much for not being benched, "What? Why? I don't need to see a doctor!"
"Cole told us the doctor at the ER instructed you to consult with your GP." Explains Zane calmly. "So we made you a booking, the earliest was today at 9:30am."
"I can make my own doctor's appointments, I don't need you to do it for me!" Jay crosses his arms.
"Ok, so when is the appointment you arranged scheduled?" Asks Zane. Jay splutters, not saying anything, "You haven't made one." States Zane.
"Because I don't need one!" Huffs Jay.
"I don't understand your reluctance to follow medical advice. Are you scared they'll give you a shot?"
"No, I'm not scared." Replies Jay defensively. "Ninja warriors aren't scared of the doctor."
"Good, because you will be attending this appointment."
Jay had managed to convince Zane to wait in the car. He was now sitting in a consult room with Dr Young.
"Thank you for coming in. The hospital forwarded me your test results." She sticks an x-ray of his lungs on the wall. "For comparison, this is what healthy lungs look like." She sticks up a second x-ray. Jay can feel his heart pounding as he compares the two images. His lungs look quite different. "As you can see, there is some damage, but it isn't clear if this is permanent scarring, or if your lungs are still recovering. We will do another x-ray in a month to check on the progress."
Jay chews his lip, mind stuck on the phrase permanent scarring.
"Have you had any more trouble breathing since your visit to the ER."
"Um, once." He fidgets nervously with his hands.
"It's ok, you're not in trouble. Tell me what happened."
"I was in the shower yesterday, and the water went cold."
She scribbles down something in her notepad. "Right, and what were you doing on the weekend, before the first incident?"
"Why does it matter?" Jay whines.
"If we can figure out what your triggers are, we can better prevent future difficulties. Things like exercise, pollen counts, thunderstorms, or emotional distress can all bring on an asthma attack."
"I don't have asthma." Says Jay glumly. "It must be something else."
The doctor smiles warmly. "Look, the issue with your lungs could be temporary, I want to prescribe you some antibiotics in case anything nasty got left in there. But meanwhile, you are exhibiting symptoms of asthma, so we need to treat it as such until we find something else that fits better."
Jay grips the sides of his seat, and swings one leg aimlessly, refusing to make eye contact with the doctor. If he were alone right now he would probably start crying, but he wasn't going to do that in front of her.
"So what do you think triggered the incident in the shower?"
Jay feels a slight tightness in his chest. He had been lying to Zane when he said he wasn't scared. He wasn't scared of getting a shot, but rather of getting bad news, finding out that this little breathing problem was actually a big deal. Permanent scarring circled through his head.
"The cold water.. reminded me of something.." was it getting harder to breathe? Oh no. He could not be having an asthma attack in front of the doctor who he was trying to convince of his physical well being.
"Right, the seawater incident?"
Jay nods, doing his best to take even, normal looking breaths.
"And the weekend would have been at the memorial? I read about it in the paper."
Jay nods again, feeling tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Hmm, I can see that avoiding emotional triggers could be challenging in the near future." She writes something on a different piece of paper then sticks it into an envelope. "This is a referral to a psychologist. They might be able to help manage some of your emotional triggers. Grief counselling is very common in the wake of a big loss." She grabs the script for the antibiotics and hands both over to Jay.
Jay feels like he has taken another blow, what, my brain is broken too?
She then frowns, seeming to notice Jay's breathing. "Why don't you demonstrate your inhaler use, so I can see you have the technique right."
Jay nods, pulling it out of his pocket and taking a puff perfectly timed to his in breath.
"Good." She says. "Perfect, remember it's ok to take it early, if you are noticing signs you don't need to wait until your breathing gets really bad. Keep a log of your symptoms, and how often you use the inhaler, when I next see you we can discuss trying preventative medications, if required."
Jay nods, eager to get out of there as quickly as possible.
She books him another appointment in a month's time and Jay gets back in the car with Zane.
"How did it go?" Asks Zane.
"Fine." Says Jay while looking out the window, sure of the fact anything he says will be shared with the other ninja.
Zane tries again. "What did you discuss?"
Jay sighs, "look, you took me, I went in, you can tell Lloyd and the others mission accomplished."
Zane looks over at Jay with concern, then down to the paper he is holding. "Is that a script?"
Jay shoves the papers into his pocket. "It's called patient doctor confidentiality!" He snaps.
"I merely enquire, in case you would like me to stop at a pharmacy on the way back." Says Zane calmly.
Jay chews his lip again before answering, "fine, yes, let's stop at the pharmacy."
After they pick up the meds, and a bag of jellybeans, Zane drives them back to the monastery. Jay starts to realise how much of a brat he was being. "Thanks, for taking me." He says timidly.
"It is my pleasure." Responds Zane warmly.
"I.. have another appointment in a month.." he lets out a small sigh, just thinking about it.
"Did you want me to accompany you again?" Asks Zane.
Jay squirms in his seat. "Better than going alone." He mumbles.
"I'll add it to my calendar."