13

Bella sat in the middle of her bed, her legs folded and her eyes locked on the laptop. She'd unlocked it but hadn't gotten the courage — the strength to do more than stare at the picture of them together. For two days now, that's all she had done. Well, that and question every minute of her life with Carlisle over the last ten-plus years.

Her attention was pulled to her nightstand when her phone beeped with a new notification, knowing even before she picked it up who was sending her the message. Edward had been calling and texting non-stop since she walked out of the Oasis. He had left numerous voicemails begging her to call him back, blubbering apologies, and pleading for her not to cut him out again. Rosalie had been calling and texting, too, but Edward had been more persistent.

With a heavy sigh, Bella picked up her phone and clicked on the new voicemail he'd just left. "Izzy, please call me back. Please. I'm sorry, okay? I don't want to lose you, too. Please, Izzy. Please."

Bella placed her phone back on the table before she looked at the laptop again. She'd just reached for it when she heard voices from downstairs, and she groaned. Charlie had told her the night before that Jasper, Alice, and the girls were coming over for breakfast to make plans for Thanksgiving, which was next week. He had also informed her that she was expected to be downstairs and gave her a look, making it clear she didn't have a choice. So, rather than diving into the laptop and uncovering her husband's secrets, she closed it, climbed off the bed, and slipped her feet into her shoes. She tried to put on her best smile as she walked out of her bedroom and downstairs, where she found Jasper and Charlie sitting in the living room with Alice and the girls.

"Auntie Izzy!" Millie exclaimed, scrambling to her feet as she hurried over to wrap her arms around Bella's waist. Her head came to rest gently against Bella's baby bump. "I missed you, Auntie Izzy."

"I missed you, too, sweet girl." Bella brought her hand up to the back of her niece's head as they walked toward the couch. Cassie and Millie climbed onto Bella's lap, and she leaned her head against theirs as her eyes filled with tears. "How's school going?"

"Ugh, we hate it," Cassie groaned. "But Momma says we keep having to go every day."

"I'm so mean that way," Alice scoffed, and when Bella looked at her, she winked. "Okay, girls, into the kitchen. Breakfast ain't going to make itself."

Millie and Cassie scrambled off Bella's lap and hurried away.

"I promised them they could make the French toast. They love to dip the bread into eggs." Laughing, Alice followed them.

Bella made to follow, both wanting and needing to feel helpful, but when Charlie reached out and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, she sighed and sat back down. She should have expected this from her father and brother, who had not hidden how worried they were about her. But what was she supposed to say? Sorry for falling apart when she found out the last ten years of her life had been a lie.

"Please don't start in on me," she whispered, unable to keep her emotions from lacing every word. "Please."

"We're not starting in on you, Izzy. We're worried." Charlie scooted closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "Dr. Sanders called and said you missed your appointment with him yesterday."

Her eyes closed. "Of course, he did. So much for doctor-patient confidentiality."

"He didn't share anything about your sessions. He called when you didn't show up. He was worried about you," her father added.

Bella sighed.

"Why didn't you go, Iz?" Jasper pressed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I was tired."

"You're tired, but you're not sleeping," Charlie said, and when she looked at him, he added, "I can hear you inside your room, Izzy. Moving around all night. You have to start taking care of yourself. For you and the baby."

Closing her eyes for just a moment, she stood and walked to the fireplace. Her attention was drawn to a picture of her and Jasper when they were little. She was probably five, maybe six years old, and Jasper would have been around eight. They were sitting in front of the Christmas tree, wearing matching pajamas. Their mother had always insisted on matching pajamas for Christmas; it was the one gift they were allowed to open on Christmas Eve. After she walked out on them, they never wore matching pajamas again.

"Izzy."

"I'm sorry," she softly wept before she turned and looked back at her father and brother. "I'm sorry I'm not stronger than you think I should be, not strong enough to . . . just move on. But nobody told me losing him was going to be this hard."

"Should it be this hard?" Jasper asked, his eyes shifting to Charlie before he looked back at Bella. "You said he'd been lying to you."

"Jay!" Bella exclaimed.

Charlie stood. "What do you mean lying? What was he lying about?"

"It doesn't matter. Jay should mind his own business."

"You told me he had been keeping secrets, like hiding money from you, Izzy."

Bella's eyes closed, and she shook her head.

"Goddamn it, Izzy, talk to us," Charlie pleaded, and when her eyes opened, she saw him sitting on the edge of the couch, his face filled with despair. "Please."

Once again, she shook her head but found herself sitting on the hearth, folding her arms in front of her and leaning against her legs. "He had kept secrets from me. Money and . . . and a sister."

"A sister?" Jasper asked, his eyes widening. "You didn't tell me he had a sister."

"I haven't told anyone. Her name is Esme, and she lives in Minneapolis. His father . . . Well, you know what an asshole he was."

"Hey, language," Charlie scolded, his attention shifting to the door to the kitchen. "There are children here, Izzy."

"Sorry." She paused. "You know what? I'm not sorry. His father was an asshole who beat Carlisle and Edward down until they thought they were worthless."

"I think that's enough."

They all turned and found Alice standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Her eyes shifted between each of them before landing on her. She pushed away from the framework and walked over, stopping in front of her.

Alice held her hand out. "Let's get out of here."

"Al!" Jasper exclaimed, scrambling to his feet.

"Sit down, Jasper," Alice ordered, and he immediately sat. "The last thing she needs right now is you two coming at her from both sides. So, she and I are going somewhere else, and both of you should probably go help the girls finish breakfast." She looked at Izzy. "Take my hand, Iz."

Though she could feel her father and brother were watching, she raised her hand and placed it in Alice's, allowing her sister-in-law to pull her to her feet. They walked to the front door, and when Bella reached for her coat, she looked over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I . . . I'm just sorry."

—RtW—

Bella's heart raced as she followed Alice out of the house and to her car. She climbed into the passenger seat, put her seatbelt on, and dropped her hands into her lap. Alice climbed in behind the wheel but didn't start the car.

Instead, she turned and looked at her. "I have a half-sister."

"You do?"

Alice nodded. "Cynthia."

"She's your half-sister?"

"I didn't find out all the details until I was sixteen, but Daddy hadn't always been the upstanding, loving husband he is now. He and Cynthia's birth mother had had an affair that lasted just long enough for her to get pregnant. She didn't tell Daddy until she was almost due, and apparently, there were complications during childbirth, and the birth mother died. Momma and Daddy decided to bring her home and raise her like she was theirs."

"Oh, wow."

"I asked Momma once how she did it. How could she raise another woman's child like that, and you know what she told me?"

"What?"

Alice smiled. "She said God knew Cynthia would need her, so he prepared her heart to love her with everything she had. The daddy I grew up with wasn't that guy, you know? And finding out he'd been unfaithful . . . Well, it took me a long time to forgive him, even if I did gain an amazing sister from it."

"I could have handled learning he had a sister, Alice, but he had known about her for at least five years. He was paying her rent for five years."

"Oh."

"Why didn't he trust me enough to tell me?"

"Maybe it wasn't that he didn't trust you. Maybe, and take this with a grain of salt, but maybe he was afraid of losing her, too. I didn't know Carlisle the way you and Jasper did, but I saw the way he looked at you, Izzy. That man loved you so much. So fucking much."

Bella laughed through her tears. "I can't believe you just cursed. I don't think I've ever heard you say a curse word before."

She scoffed. "Just because I don't drop F-bombs like your brother doesn't mean I'm afraid to say fuck when the occasion calls for it. Those girls, though, mimic every word they hear, so we've had to learn to be . . . creative. You will, too, when Little Bit gets here."

Bella smiled. "Little Bit?"

"Yeah, I mean, you haven't decided if you're going to find out if you're having a boy or a girl, right?"

"Right."

"So, he or she is our Little Bit."

"I like that."

Alice laughed and shoved her key into the ignition and started the car. "Speaking of Little Bit, you know what we need to do?"

"What?"

"Start your registry. That way, when I throw your baby shower, people will know what you want and need."

"You're going to throw me a baby shower?"

"Of course I am." Alice smiled. "Every expectant momma needs to be pampered, so let's get your registry started, and then, maybe we can stop and indulge in some ice cream. I'm thinking something big and chocolatey."

Bella nodded. "Sounds delicious. Thank you, Alice."

"That's what sisters do, Izzy."

—RtW—

By the time Alice dropped Bella off, she was exhausted, but in the same breath, it was the first time since Carlisle died that she'd felt even the smallest amount of excitement. They'd set up her registry and scanned everything from bottles, blankets, bibs, strollers, clothes, and toys for her baby. She kept everything as gender-neutral as she could, seeing as she was still undecided if she wanted to know the sex of her baby at her next appointment.

Charlie was seated in the living room when Bella walked inside, dropping the shopping bags on the floor. Alice had insisted on buying her some maternity clothes, simple things like leggings, a pair of denim overalls, and a few T-shirts.

"Keep it simple," she said. "Comfort over style saved me when I was pregnant with the girls."

He stood from his recliner, shoving his hands into his red and black plaid pajama pants pockets. "I don't know how to help you, Izzy. I just don't. You're spiraling downward, and I'm . . . I'm worried."

She bit the inside of her lip and nodded. "What do you want me to say? I don't know how to do this, Dad. I spent ten years married to a man who kept secrets from me. Everything feels so . . . out of control, and I don't know how to even begin processing it."

"You could talk to me."

She shook her head and sniffed back her tears. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to hate him when I love him so much," she cried softly, and when he stepped toward her, she put her hands up, causing him to stop. "I'm sorry, Dad; I just can't right now. I love you, and I am so thankful that you're here for me, but I need to figure some things out for myself."

Bella grabbed her bags before she turned and hurried upstairs straight into her bedroom. She tossed her shopping onto the floor, her eyes landing directly on the laptop. Kicking her shoes off, she climbed on the bed and pulled it onto her lap, prying the lid open and logging into his profile. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, then opened them and clicked on the small file icon on his toolbar. When it popped up, she was immediately drawn to a file labeled 'my love.' Her fingers trembled as she tapped the mouse pad until the cursor was over it and tapped twice. The file opened, and she gasped when she found thousands of pictures of her — pictures she'd never even realized he had.

Many were from their time in Woodbury; birthdays, Christmas, dates, and parties. Some were just her, others were of both of them, her with Jake, Emmett, and Rosalie. There were even some of her and Edward together. One in particular drew her attention, and she double-clicked it, opening it to fill the screen. She remembered the day like it was yesterday. It was just after her seventeenth birthday, and they'd all gone to the fair. While Carlisle, Jake, Emmett, and Rosalie were on the Ferris Wheel, she and Edward had gravitated to the darts. She'd seen a stuffed pig and dared Edward to win it for her. He had laughed and accepted, and ten minutes later, he'd gotten her the pig.

Without thinking, she reached for her phone. Looking at the screen, she saw seven missed calls and almost two dozen text messages, all from Edward. She looked back at the picture of them at the fair before she pressed her finger onto the screen and called him.

As she placed the phone against her ear, she closed the photo and double-tapped on another; this one of her and Carlisle lying in bed, her arms wrapped around him while he held his phone over them, taking their picture. His green eyes sparkled, and his smile . . . His smile cut through her, and she found herself overcome with tears.

Two rings later, Edward answered with a breathless, "Izzy."

"Did he love me, Edward? Did he? Because I don't know what to believe anymore. You saw him as possessive, and Ro called it controlling, but I thought it was love. He was my husband, Edward, and I thought he loved me."

She heard him inhale a deep breath before saying, "Of course, he loved you, Izzy. Nobody would doubt that you were his entire world. He just didn't want to share you with the rest of us."

"If I asked you for a favor, would you say yes?"

"Yes."

"Without even knowing what I'm going to ask?"

"I'd do anything for you, Iz. Anything."

She bit her lip as she smiled, unsure why his words sounded true and real. "I want to go back to New York."

"Oh."

"Not permanently," she assured him. "I, um, I've been thinking about what he told the guys at the station. You know about me being a bitch and a complainer."

"What about it?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe I should ask them more about it. He was close to a couple of the guys, and maybe they could, I don't know, give me more information on how he felt. How he really felt."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? What if they tell you what you don't want to hear?"

"I don't know, Edward. I just . . . it's just a chance I need to take, but I'm scared to go back alone."

"So you want me to go with you?"

"There's nobody else I can trust not to shield the truth from me."

"Not even your dad or Jasper?"

"Especially not them. They want me to smile and pretend I'm not falling apart, and I . . . I can't move on for Little Bit if I don't."

He laughed softly. "Little Bit."

"Alice named the baby Little Bit since I don't know the sex yet."

"I see."

"So, will you go back with me?"

"When?"

"Tomorrow too soon?"

He laughed. "I should be able to make it work. I'll see if Emmett can cover the Oasis for me."

"Don't tell him why, though. I know it seems silly, but I need to keep this close to the chest until I figure everything out."

"I won't."

"Thanks. I'll set up our flights and let you know when I'll pick you up."

"I'll take care of it."

"You don't have to, Edward."

"I want to."

"Well, thanks."

"You're welcome." He paused. "I should go. The bar's a little busy, and Ben's giving me the death glare, but I think that's just because it's almost time for his break, and Angela is giving him that look. You know the one I'm talking about."

"She always gave her boyfriends that look when she was horny."

"Yeah, that hasn't changed."

She smiled. "Sorry to keep you so long."

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you called. I just got you back, Izzy, and I don't want to lose you again."

"I missed you, too, Edward. I really did."

"Be watching for my text, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Izzy."

Bella placed her phone back on the nightstand. She turned her attention back to his laptop, and though she wasn't sure she was ready, she found herself diving into his files in search of what other secrets Carlisle had been hiding.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! Big shout out to Sunflower Fran for helping me clean up my messy chapters. She's amazing.