19

"I wasn't sure you'd be back."

Bella shifted her eyes from the window to the man sitting in the leather armchair. She hadn't sat in front of him for two weeks. Just like her previous sessions with Dr. Sanders, he was wearing a pair of brown corduroy pants, a white button-up with a plaid pull-over sweater vest, brown socks, and brown leather shoes. His wire-rim glasses were perched on the tip of his nose, and he was waiting for her response.

The problem was, of course, she had no idea how to respond.

"I wasn't either," she admitted.

"How have you been?"

She shook her head. "Not good."

"Would you like to expand on 'Not good'? Is it physical? Mental? Emotional?"

"All of the above?" she asked.

He smiled but didn't reply.

"Physically, I feel . . . very pregnant." She roamed her hands over her belly. "I was lying in bed this morning, and . . . and I felt . . . I felt the baby moving," she cried. "That's when it hit me. I'm all alone in this."

"But you're not alone, are you? You have a family who wants to help you."

"No, I know, but . . . He's not here."

"Because he died."

Bella nodded. "You don't have to keep telling me."

"Don't I?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "Say it, Izzy. Say the words: my husband died."

"Why?"

"Because you need to start dealing with the fact your husband, Carlisle, is dead, Izzy."

"You . . ." She shook her head. "I went back to New York a few days ago. I thought it would give me closure, an understanding of who he was, who he really was."

"Did it?"

"No," she admitted. "And yes, at the same time. He was working so much to pay his sister's rent, that makes sense, but what I still don't understand is why he didn't tell me about her in the first place."

"What would you have said had he told you about her?"

"I don't know. I would have had questions, concerns."

"What kind of concerns?"

"Just . . . I saw how hard it was for Carlisle to lose . . . no, lose isn't the right word. He let his brother go. He chose to kick his brother out of our lives. If he'd told me about her, I would have insisted they meet and encourage him to form a relationship. Maybe . . . I'm starting to think Carlisle was afraid of getting close to anyone other than me."

"What makes you think that?"

"I found files on his laptop, a sort of diary, I guess, and the way he wrote about me was . . . intense."

"Intense, how exactly?"

"Almost obsessive." The words stumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them, but at that moment, she knew she was being honest. "I don't doubt my husband loved me, Dr. Sanders, but now I wonder how healthy that love really was. I mean, he wasn't abusive or controlling in the sense that he didn't let me do things on my own. I could do whatever I wanted and go wherever I wanted. But he didn't let anyone else get close to him or love him. I think he held onto me because he was scared that I would one day leave him like everyone else did."

"Who else left him? He made the decision to end his relationship with his brother, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"So, who else left him, Izzy?"

She sighed. "His parents. Maybe not in the literal sense, but they were never there for him or Edward."

"Edward?"

"His brother. He went to New York with me. Said he needed closure, too."

Dr. Sander nodded and jotted a note on his yellow legal pad. "And did he get it?"

"I don't know," she confessed. "Things got . . . complicated."

He raised an eyebrow, looking over the top of his wire-rimmed spectacles. "Complicated how?"

Bella shook her head as she looked away. "Just complicated."

And before Dr. Sanders could press the issue further, he said, "Time's up. I'll see you next week, Izzy."

She hummed and said, "Okay," before standing and leaving.

—RtW—

Bella found herself sitting in her car outside the small brownstone with the bright purple door. She'd been sitting there for the better part of half an hour. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to check up on Esme, but she had. Sighing, she pulled her phone out of her bag and opened her text messages. She didn't have to look long to find the person she was looking for. His name was right at the top, where it had been since she pinned it there the night before.

Bella sucked the inside of her lip, her eyes flickering to the purple door for a moment before she opened the text message from Edward. A simple thumbs up, that's what he had sent her. If she hadn't driven past the Oasis that morning on the way to the city and seen his Jeep, she wouldn't have even known he'd gotten home safely.

Her fingers trembled as she clicked on the message bar and typed, "Hey. Just checking in that you made it back to Woodbury in one piece," and then hit send before she could stop herself.

She was about to shove her phone back into her bag when she felt it vibrate. Her heart raced as she turned it over and read his response. "Managed a late flight. Got in just after one. Never doing that again."

She laughed, but before she could reply, he added, "You and Little Bit okay?"

"Little Bit, yes. Me? I don't know. I . . . I miss you."

Bella stared at the phone, waiting for his response, but after almost two full minutes without one, she dropped her phone into her bag. She grabbed the keys to start her car, but before she could, the purple door across the street opened, and Garrett hurried out, heading directly for her. He wasn't wearing a jacket, his arms wrapped around him as he crossed the street. Stopping just a couple of feet from her car, he bent down and smiled, tilting his head behind him.

She climbed out. "Hey."

"Hey," he said, grinning. "Izzy, right? From the café and the pub?"

She nodded.

"What are you doing outside of my house, you know, like a stalker."

"Oh, I, um, I . . ." Bella shook her head. "I don't know."

Garrett leaned his head to the side. "You're the wife, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Her brother? Carlisle, wasn't it? He had a wife named Isabella. I'm guessing Izzy is short for Isabella."

"How do you know about him?"

"She told me she has two half-brothers from Woodbury. Didn't take much to connect them to her old man. Towns not that big, Izzy. "

Bella sighed. "Does she know?"

"She does not."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"I should, but family is kind of a hard limit for her."

Bella nodded. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to make things harder. I . . . I only found out about her a few months ago."

Garrett nodded. "Around the time you started showing up at the café."

"Yeah."

"You told her your husband died."

Bella tensed. "He did."

"Did he know about her?"

"Yes."

"The foundation? That was him, wasn't it? That's why they stopped paying her rent. Because he was the foundation, and he died."

"Yes."

Garrett grabbed the back of his neck and looked around. "And I'm guessing you paid the back rent as well as the current payments?"

"Yes."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he muttered under his breath before looking back at her. "Why haven't you told her who you are?"

"I don't know. I guess . . . I was scared."

"Yeah, she's kind of scared, too. Finding out she has two brothers hasn't been easy for her, Izzy. She's . . . Well, she's been through a lot."

"I'm sorry. I should . . . I shouldn't have come here."

"She's not home. She has class until four and then a study group. Finals are in a week and a half, and, well, she's practically living in the library." Garrett tightened his arms around himself. "It's colder than balls out here. You want to come in and have some tea, or, I don't know, hot cocoa is probably better for your baby, right?"

Bella shook her head. "I should go. Have a lot to do to get things ready for Thanksgiving."

Garrett nodded. "You should tell her the truth."

"It's not that I disagree. I just . . . I don't know that it's my place to tell her."

"I won't keep it from her for long, Izzy. I just won't. I love her too damn much to be another person who hurts her."

"I'm not asking you to lie, Garrett. I'm not. I just . . . It's not about me, and I can't . . . I can't push him before he's ready."

"Him as in . . . the other brother? His name is Edward, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Garrett took a step backward. "She deserves better than this, Izzy."

"I know," she whimpered. "I do, but . . ." She reached back and grabbed the door handle. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."

Turning, Bella climbed into the car and drove away. As she pulled onto the interstate, she dug her phone out, but there still wasn't a response from Edward.

—RtW—

Bella stopped by the grocery store to pick up the list of items needed for Thanksgiving, minus the turkey, which Alice said she and Jasper were handling. When she pulled into the driveway, she groaned when she saw Jasper seated on the front porch. While she and Charlie might have come to an understanding, Bella had been avoiding Jasper's texts since he all but called her a selfish bitch for going to New York.

He stood as she climbed out and popped the trunk. "Need any help?"

"I got it," she said, grabbing all four plastic bags before he could and using her elbow to close the trunk. "What are you doing here?"

"Dad said you got home last night."

She nodded. "And?"

"And I wanted to talk."

"Talk?" she scoffed, walking past him and onto the front porch. She shuffled the bags into one hand to open the door, but before she could, Jasper beat her to it. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He grinned as he waved her inside. "You can let me take a couple of those. They look heavy."

"I've got them."

"Fine, fine, whatever." Jasper put his hands up in front of him, smirking as she walked past him and into the kitchen. She dropped the bags on the counter before placing her hands on top. "Izzy."

"I've never been more confused, Jay."

"What confuses you?"

"Everything." She looked at him. "His father threatened me."

Jasper's eyes widened. "He what? When?"

"Like six years ago, when Carlisle started paying his sister's rent."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

Bella began unpacking her groceries. "I don't know that I even understand, but the only reason Carlisle started paying her rent was that his father used me as a threat if he didn't step up and take care of her."

"He what! How do you know this, and why didn't you say anything?"

Opening the fridge, Bella placed the milk, eggs, butter, and heavy cream inside before she turned back to him. "I have his laptop, and there are files. Kind of his own digital journal, I guess. Anyway, one of his entries talked about how his father had come to him and told him about Esme, asking him to help take care of her financially. When Carlisle tried to refuse, saying we couldn't afford to help he subtly threatened to harm me."

Jasper nodded. "Wow."

"Yeah." Bella grabbed the loaf of bread but then dropped it back onto the counter. "I know I haven't . . . I haven't been the sister you deserved. I ran away, left you and Dad behind, and never looked back. I'm sorry, Jay. I'm just . . . I'm just sorry."

Jasper walked around the island and wrapped his arms around her, nestling her against him. "You don't have any reason to be sorry, Izzy. Did we miss you like crazy? Yes, we did, but we understood that in order to pursue your dreams of being a dancer, New York was where you needed to go. We just . . . we just wanted to be a part of your life, Iz. But even when we visited, it felt like you didn't want us there."

"Being around you and Dad, Jay, was a constant reminder of what we lost."

"You mean Jake and Mom?"

Bella nodded. "Do you ever wonder where she is?"

"Only all the time," he admitted, dropping his arms to his side as he leaned against the counter. "After the girls were born, I tried to find her."

"Did you?"

"I tracked her down to Florida, where she was living with some dude named Gunner, a minor league baseball player. She left like four, five years ago, though, and I don't know where she went after that."

"Typical Mom," Bella quipped, wrapping her arms around herself. "Why'd you look for her?"

Jasper shrugged. "Because I'd just become a dad, and I guess a part of me hoped that if I found her, if she knew she had granddaughters, maybe she'd give a shit again. Stupid, I know."

"Yeah, stupid." Bella leaned her head against his shoulder. "Why do you think she stopped loving us, Jay? Was it something we did?"

"No, of course not. We were kids, Izzy. It wasn't our job to make her love and want us. Just like it's not your job to clean up Carlisle's messes."

Bella sighed and moved away from him. "I'm not trying to clean up his mess, Jay. I'm . . . I'm trying to figure out who he actually was. For ten years, I thought . . . I thought we had a good marriage. Not perfect by any means. I mean, we fought like everyone does, but we had more good times than bad. And then he was gone, and I was left to figure everything out on my own. Finding out he had been keeping things from me . . . I don't know, Jay, I feel betrayed."

"Only normal, Iz. I mean, if I found out Alice was keeping secrets from me, I would probably feelthe same way as you."

Bella smiled. "You wouldn't have to worry about Alice keeping things from you."

Jasper laughed. "Yeah, I know." He paused. "Did you at least get the answer you needed in New York?"

"Some, not all." She frowned. "You remember James, right?"

He nodded slowly.

"Well, according to James, the two guys who told me Carlisle said I was a bitch and a complainer and why he always worked overtime were lying. He said they didn't like Carlisle because he felt they . . . skirted the line too much, so they told me that stuff just be hurtful."

"Oh, wow, what are their names, so I can go kick their ass?"

Bella smiled weakly. "James said he already took care of it, so . . . I mean, I don't know, Jay. I want to believe him, I really, really want to believe him, but how do I know he wasn't just blowing smoke up my ass? You know, telling me what I wanted to hear?"

"You don't, but look, you lived with Carlisle every day for ten years." He brought his hand up to the side of her head. "You know how he felt about you, Izzy."

Tears flooded her eyes. "Do I? Because I thought he loved me more than anything in the entire world, Jay. But he lied to me for six years about his sister, paying her rent, and why he was working so much overtime. And maybe he lied because he didn't trust me with everything. And if he didn't trust me, he didn't love me."

"Or, maybe he was trying to protect you."

"I didn't need protecting. I needed my husband to be honest with me. If he hadn't died, Jay, I would still be in New York with him. I want to believe he'd be here for me and Little Bit, but would he? Could he? Would he be the man I needed, the father our baby needed, while lying about a sister and why he was always working? Not to mention the secret bank accounts?"

Jasper opened his mouth, but instead of reassuring her, he sighed and shrugged. "I don't know, Izzy. I just . . . I don't know, okay? But you're not alone. You have me and Dad, Alice, and the girls. Emmett and Rosalie, and as much as I don't like it, you have Edward, too."

"Dad told you that Edward went back with me."

He nodded. "How can you trust him again? I mean, after Jake, after the accident, how can you trust him?"

"Because he's the only person who hasn't pushed me to just move on like . . . like I didn't just lose the man I've loved for half my life, Jay."

Wrapping her arms around her torso, she quickly walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and closed her bedroom door behind her. Leaning against it, her eyes immediately landed on her nightstand where a vase with two sunflowers sat. She walked over, picked up the note, and unfolded it, smiling when she read,

"I miss you, too, sweetheart."

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! And a HUGE thank you to Sunflower Fran for being an amazing beta! See you next Wednesday!