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Chapter 25
Thoughts
Edward
Damn! Damn! Damn it! What had I done?
I wanted to talk to her. Even though I loved Rose, I wanted her back. She was 'La mia cantante', my singer. I just wanted to talk to her, but she didn't listen. She was absolutely dismissive to me. What was that about? I would have expected her to cry, to miss me and forgive me as soon as I told her I loved her. But she hated me, I could see it in her eyes.
Where were the eyes full of love?
When she threatened to scream, I panicked. I was desperate. She had to listen to me. She HAD to forgive me, but I couldn't stay here and hold her. If someone really heard her and saw me, it would all be over. So I just had to take her into the woods where no one would hear her.
She was supposed to come back to me. But she didn't believe a word I said. She screamed at me, and I saw anger and fear in her eyes.
When the wind blew her scent into my face, it was too late. I hadn't had a drink in too long, had been away from her for too long, and was no longer used to her irresistible scent. And I was absolutely too emotional. The monster inside me, which I continually tried to keep locked inside me, erupted. I was no longer in control. I saw myself wanting to sink my teeth into her neck, but I couldn't stop myself.
In the back of my mind, I wondered why she was calling out for Emmett while she was about to die. But I was too focused on her blood pumping through her veins to care about such things. Her blood, so delicious, calling out to me.
Inwardly, I was glad Emmett showed up and flung me away from Bella with his full strength. But the monster inside me was still in control and wanted to get back to Bella's blood. Only after Jasper hurled me against a tree a second time did I become more myself again.
Emmett was beside himself with rage and flung me around again. As he knelt over me, his hands on my throat, I could see a thought other than anger in Emmett's head for half a second.
I saw Bella through his eyes. She was lying under him, on his bed, naked and moaning his name. And there I saw the eyes full of love that I missed so much earlier when she looked at me.
But after half a second, only the anger and hatred for me were in his thoughts again.
I was too shocked at first to react, to even think further.
Emmett lifted me up by the neck and flung me against a tree. He went to her and took her tenderly in his arms. Only now did I understand why Bella called out to him in her last seconds. I understood what she meant when she said she already had EVERYTHING. HE gave her everything I didn't give her. HE was there for her when Rose and I had both hurt her.
When I understood, I ran away.
I flew through the woods for two hours to get my thoughts in order.
DAMN!
I hit a tree with my fist, which splintered with a groan.
What did this ass allow himself to fuck with my singer?
Deep in the back of my head a voice asked how I could blame them. Rose and I had cheated on them first.
But I overheard that voice.
Emmett had no right to her! I swore he would pay for that! Bella was and is MINE!
I ran back to Canada, where Rosalie was waiting for me in the little cabin we had built.
I loved Rosalie and she loved me. I knew she always loved me and only had Emmett as a sex toy. Still, I wanted Bella. I didn't want her as a sex-crazed vampire like Rose, I wanted her as a human. She was my singer and that bonded me to her. She drew me to her through that without wanting to. But just as much I wanted Rose, who was my true companion, who could give me what I never wanted from Bella. And what Emmett was now giving her. What a freaking mess!
I tried to control my thoughts.
I didn't want to arrive at Rosalie's totally confused.
Fortunately, by the time I got there, I calmed down a bit.
When Rosalie heard me coming, she came out and hugged and kissed me and I kissed her too.
I was immediately in the same mood as her, pushed her short skirt over her hips and then pushed her down on the soft moss floor.