Title: The Protagonist is a Necromancer

Summary: And I'm her skele-bro.

So this is how I die? Slowly bleeding out with a broken skull on an empty stomach after playing that blasted game for my sister. What a pathetic way to go. A grown as man dying after gaming too hard for a game tailored for horny women.

It was to be expected since I had not stopped playing for the entire weekend, but it was humiliating to think that's how people were going to remember me. Mom and Dad were never going to detach from the idea that I was secretly gay.

Oh wait, I had forgotten that I had texted Mom the blackmail texts as proof. At least she won't have any misunderstandings about my preferences.

Though maybe I shouldn't have. It was going to be a real problem for my sister. As much as I hated the past few days, I didn't want her to suffer that much. Mom and Dad weren't exactly the most understanding parents.

Ah, I feel so tired. Maybe... maybe I'll take a nap.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a small girl staring at me. She was looking expectantly at me. I wonder why. That last thing I recall was I had fallen down some stairs. Judging by the fact that I was still alive, I guess it wasn't as bad as I had thought.

As I was thinking, I noticed the girl gain a disappointed expression. She turned around and shuffled away. The sound of pages flipping could be heard.

Rude. Was she that disappointed I wasn't dead? What was up with children these days?

Sitting up, I decided to scold her for being such a sociopathic brat... which probably wouldn't mean much but it would certainly improve my mood.

As I sat up, I heard a lot of rattling. Looking down, I noticed my ribcage... and my femur... and

"Oh my god!" I screamed as I stared at my meatless hands.

"It worked!" the girl screamed as she tackled me, which scattered me across the room. Only my head was still within her grasp.

She sheepishly said, "Oops?"

After piling my bones in a cart, Livia went to present me to her parents. If it were possible for me to faint, I would've. In front of me stood some horrific serrated tentacle creature that was currently sliding about a very red skinned woman with horns. Judging from the placement of the tentacles, I did not feel Livia should be witnessing whatever this was. Judging how unconcerned she was, this was unfortunately not an unusual sight for her.

As I witnessed this frankly R-rated image, the only thing that came to mind was why Livia looked so normal.

"So you resurrected yourself a friend? Aren't you a precocious child," the tentacles rumbled.

"I don't know dear. He's yet to speak. He might just be a thrall."

"But he can talk! He screamed 'Oh my God!'"

Both parts looked at me as though they would grind me to dust. How a pile a tentacles could emit a feeling of being glared at was beyond me.

"I'm not actually religious," I said sheepishly.

Life with Livia was surprisingly calm. All I had to do was play with her, help her do her homework, help her deal with the bullying she received for being too human from the other literal monsters, and listen to her talk about the intricacies of eldritch magics. You know, normal stuff.

Truth be told, finding myself in hell wasn't particularly difficult to get over. A weird concept, but ultimately I felt my current life didn't feel any worse than my previous life as a human. You'd figure knowing you were damned for all eternity would be far more earth shattering information than what I was experiencing. Meh.

The actual hardest thing I had to get used to was Livia's exhibitionist parents constantly remaining joined at the hip... and coming to the startling realization that the succubus was actually an incubus and the tentacles were female. Oh and the fact that Livia was supposedly prophesied as the next Fell Queen destined to end the age of man and plunge the human world into another millennia of darkness.

"Cookies are ready," Livia, who was currently wearing a pink apron with a flower printed on the front, chirped as she pulled out a tray of perfectly made oatmeal raisin cookies.

Ah yes, truly the most evil child I have ever met was all I could think as I dutifully ate her monstrosities.

Livia came home from school again and started sobbing in her pillow again.

"Was it the water demon again?"

Livia gave a muffled yes.

"What did he do this time?"

"He said I was too pretty," she cried.

"Huh? Wait... hold up. What?"

"He said I was too pretty. My skin is too soft and pink. My hair is too silky and..."

"Hold on a moment. Aren't those good things?"

"No! It makes me sound human!" Livia yelled.

"Okay... this is way out of my depth. I'm going to get your parents, but just know that I like you just exactly as you are."

"Even though I look human?" she whimpered.

"Livia, I'm human."

"You're a skeleton with very bleached bones."

"Fine, I was human. Still doesn't change the fact that I prefer human images."

"So you would dislike me if I didn't look human?"

Oh so now looking like a monster was a bad thing.

"I like who you are. Regardless of what you may actually be."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really really?"

"Yes."

"And you're not just saying that because I want to hear it?"

"Livia... you're the sweetest person I met in both my lives and my best friend. Of course I like you."

Instead of responding properly, she hugged me tightly.

"Do you think humans would like me?" Livia asked me one day.

"Probably, why?"

"Just thinking it might be better to study in the human world."

"It would get you away from those bullies, though humans can be bullies too."

What happened to the planet since I was last here?! Floating islands, cursed seas, flying monsters, medieval kingdoms?

Livia didn't need to usher in the dark ages, humanity already regressed into one!

The Kingdom of Holfort?! How did I find myself in a place worse than Hell?!

Oh goddamnit! Livia was the protagonist?! How was the literal future Queen of Damnation also the Saintess??

I dutifully escorted Livia as she went through her day in the Academy. I still received looks of horror whenever she and I passed other students, but it was better than the first few weeks of the semester. Nowadays, no one dared to stab me with the multitude of weapons lying around the school. There was not much point since the weapons never wounded me. It only put holes in my clothes.

They quickly learned to use blunt instruments since that proved more effective. It never truly hurt me, but it was infinitely more annoying as their actions would cause me to fall into a pile of bones. Reassembling myself properly was always troublesome. On the bright side, I have become fantastically familiar at identifying which bone may be broken or misaligned in other people.

The only downer to my new knowledge and somewhat immortality was that I was designated as a healer for this school. It was a pretty awful experience dealing with students on the verge of death frantically trying to fight off the reaper who was trying to make sure they didn't kick it early. It didn't help that because I was classified as a nonhuman I wasn't paid. Livia wasn't paid either since she wasn't directly healing the patients.

If it weren't for Livia's kindhearted nature, I wouldn't have continued healing people.

"Livia!" a boy cheerfully yelled down the hall.

I saw my master cringe, but she put on a plastic smile.

"Oh, Julius," she said meekly.

I grit my teeth. Livia's time in the human world was being ruined by Julius and his friends. More accurately, the rest of our peers had not taken kindly to the fact that the royal entourage was friendly with the non-noble freak and her pet monster.

It was probably unfair to blame the boys. They had immediately tried to stop the bullying when I informed them of what was happening, but all that did was make the bullies more thorough in hiding their misdeeds.

At least, they had taken my advice on spending more of their time with Livia studying so that she could keep up with the curriculum.

If it were not for the fact that millions would die, I would have simply have forbidden any interactions with the boys. Livia had been just fine with me as her only friend.

"Are you sure you want to redo the resurrection ritual?" I asked nervously as I sat in the middle of the blood circle with four bound pirates squirming at the cardinal points.

Livia had recently just gotten her hands on the Saintess's necklace and received quite a substantial power boost.

"Are you nervous?" she asked innocently as she carefully wrote the sigils around the circle.

"Kind of. I'm not particularly well versed in the arcane arts."

"Don't you have perfect scores on our magical theory class?"

"You know what I mean."

"Oh relax. I'm never going to risk you," she said as she dutifully continued writing.

"I'd still like to know what you are planning on doing."

"Like I said before, I'm going into the next level of the ritual. Last time I didn't have enough ingredients or magic to do more than pull your bones and spirit from the void. With this, you will at least have flesh so you won't be falling apart all the time."

"... Will it be my flesh?"

"I mean it'll be attached to you, so yeah."

"No, I mean will it be mine or will it be these guys'?"

"Probably yours? Your bones manifested out of thin air last time. I can't be 100% sure it was your original bones."

"Oh, carry on then."

"Skelly, why are you suddenly onboard with the ritual?"

"Huh?"

"You were so opposed before."

"Well I was nervous because I didn't know how safe it was."

"Uh huh."

"You don't believe me?"

"Is this about having your dick again?"

"... No?"

"Skelly," she sighed out in exasperation.

"You don't understand," I cried out passionately. I saw the pirates nod emphatically... or they were still under the delusion they could escape.

Fast forward to the invasion

"Hey, isn't that Proteus?" Livia asked as she looked over the edge of the ship.

"The demon who bullied you in school?"

Looking over, I saw a massive demonic face lying underneath the surface of the water with tendril like hands reaching upwards. Hertrauda had summoned the demon with her flute.

"Looks like it. I wonder if we could convince him not to destroy Holfort," I said before I felt a rush of air blow right past me.

Proteus let out a horrific screeching noise as he was being vaporized by a massive black ball of magic.

"You do know he'll just regenerate right?" I asked Livia.

"Good," she cackled as tentacles sprouted from her back as she formed another ball of energy.

Seeing the new tentacles made me clench my recently reacquired butthole.

AN:

1) Honestly a weird idea that popped up a while ago but had been forgotten for months. After seeing Hazbin Hotel pop up on YouTube recently, I remembered I had started writing this. Honestly, I have been posting a lot of forgotten ideas recently.

2) This idea came from the origin of the Saintess relics. If I recall correctly, the items belonged to something called the Fell/Blood/Lich Queen. I forgot the exact name, but I figured it would be amusing to make the protagonist that instead of some holy figure.

3) Debated if I wanted to have Olivia resurrect Marie as well, but I felt if I did that I would end up having to put in a lot more effort than what a snippet would need.

4) If I were to make this a real story, I'm not sure if I should focus on Hell or Holfort.

Review Response

Lord Telos: Yeah, Holfort is pretty much held together by duck tape and spite. Everyone and everything in the story seemed to be designed around sabotaging the kingdom and its future. Any modicum of competence is basically genius.

Guest: Plan Heroin sounds like a very interesting plan.

Aleh: Plan D was in the first part in chapter 24.

Wilber Beato Quispe: Pretty sure the author confirmed that LeonxAngelica is the destined pairing across the Mobuseka multiverse.