Empirical son chp12 Sad days indeed
Sunday: week after fair.
Andrea pov
The morning is bright and clean smelling from the late evening rains. The crowd is kept small only about three hundred; mostly staff and friends comforting the families. Barney and me took the bass player Thursday; a band autographed, with his musical bass playing hero, Richard Davis original photograph of Van Morrison's Astral Weeks. An antiques' dealer in Atlanta had it, we bought it for him, before we returned Wednesday.
They chose one private grave side service, only Cindy, will be buried in Seattle. With a massive reception at McCaw Hall and park areas around the Space Needle. I watch, here to aid Christian and Anna; Lewis has Roz and Gwen. With Elliot's man Clint helping them. The parents smartly keep a calming distance sitting with the hospital staff.
We stand solemnly in the rear. Christian and Roz begged the families to let them be back here. They don't want to over shadow the kids. The coroner rushed the bass player autopsy, the mortician did the cremation; Later today the family will spread his ashes in the Pacific from Christian Helicopter. They don't do boats.
The last of the Ward Six Band didn't make seven days from their triumph. The Minsters end the memorial speeches. It was a bittersweet service. We knew them so short a time, and yet they touch our lives.
The Girls lead by somber Anna walks to the side and begin singing; Thumper request. The crowd is tearful, Gwen leads with Madsion and Anna doing an amazing harmony to the soulful arrangement of the song. Christian's holding weeping Elliott.
The song brings the Service to an end. The three move forward a reclaim their loves. Taking a crying Anna; Roz and Andrea have a nearly collapsed Gwen: Elliot simply carries Madison as Barney herds everyone to the cars. We head to the wake slash party at McCaw Hall.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday: morning. C-pov
Watching Anna sleep: watching her chest rise and fall. Listening to the soft purr of her breaths. After yesterday's sorrows. Looking outward into my heart and mind. I give serious thought to stopping and just retiring today. Just travel, and making kids. But the alarm will soon ring. An I can't see yet, giving up my life; maybe slowing down. Spent more time, see the world and enjoying it with Anna. I will think on it. Jason and I will pound the pavement for an hour or so. I convinced Miss Steele to accompany us Tuesday and Thursday runs.
Today, Roz and I will flip a coin and see who goes to Europe and who goes to Indonesia. I fear it's me to hot tropics and crowded everywhere. Both fires need to be put out.
Returning from the run, I raced back here, to be with her. Showering, I feel her hands trace the beads along my spine. Turning to her, and those sexy bitten lip, kiss me stupid. Making the Shower very pleasurable interlude. Good thing I put in the continues water heater, a normal tank would have run dry by the time we leave the showers.
Dressed we walk into Gail, in the kitchen looking smug. What is up with her? Instead, of asking what we want; she places oatmeal before us. "It is nine o'clock." She walks out laughing. I look at Anna. "What?"
"We were a tad long, considering we usually eat at seven." Anna giggles
"I am the boss! I AM THE BOSS! If I want to molest my girlfriend before breakfast! I set the hours! I SET THE HOURS!" grumpily complaining. To all within hearing range!
"ONE MORE WORD AND IT IS CEREAL in water FOR THE WEEK! YOU DEMANDED I MAKE A SPECIAL BREAKFAST SOUFFLE THIS MORNING! Gail yells back.
Shit! I forgot that special request for that special treat for my special girl. I am so boned. Anna looks at me. Dressing me down with those accusing eyes.
"I AM SORRY! ANNA MADE ME FORGET! BLAME HER! SHE ATTACKED ME IN THE SHOWER!" I smirk at my girlfriend; Joking; Pouting at her, just threw her under the proverbial bus.
"CHRISTIAN GREY! How dare you! UNCHIVALROUS CAD. No more shower sex today. And further more! No lunch sex either. I am going to brush my teeth." She huffs out of the room, till I hear laughter of her and Gail in the hallway.
Jason walks in, laughing. "Cutting off your nose to spite your face, again. I scheduled Bautista for kick boxing at lunch. Roz called she flipped the coin; Gwen stole it and declared you're going to London."
"She's already booked a week in the Lake Country, author tours. We are so boned. Already forgot that book stores last week? I'm taking you tomorrow on a marathon hill climb." Talyor pouts away.
I am the boss; I am the boss! Even as I mantra the words. I know the power has shifted, Anna has taken the power in her love and I am powerless to do anything but follow. Wonder how long the snit she's in will last.
11:00am Grey house:
London shouldn't be bad; I lived there for a couple of years. Shit! First draft of the itinerary author tours! just pop up on the email. If it's like the books store last Wednesday night. I'll ask Flynn for tranquilizers. Madison words haunt me suddenly: "An don't tick her off, or the next invite is to book fair or God forbid a book sale. I have not forgiven you, for dragging me to that Portland book fair three years ago. The horror! The horror!" It couldn't be that bad every time. I ask myself. Looking at the itinerary detail, it's ballooned to: NINETY DAYS! Probably worse than I can think; she probably when easy my first time. Who the hell am I kidding. Boned, so Boned!
The office is a mad house as Anna Steele is refusing to step foot on my floor. She is holding court in a conference room downstairs, outside Bedrock. Two interns are working on the Authors and Lake Country Tour. So far, the to-do list is at three hundred items. Email updating the schedule popping up at regular intervals.
Gwen is with Anna, feeding the fire's of righteous indignation. Or so Barney tells me. Andrea refuses to bring me hot coffee; I must get it myself. I am the boss; I am the boss! Mantra the words, to lessen my rage.
Roz just looks at me: like I'm the monster in this misunderstanding, it was just a joke, one minute and next second I'm the biggest bozo the inept clown in the universe. This day cannot get worse. My private phone rings, hoping it's Anna. Nope! It Maria?
"Maria?"
"Chris, Madam has passed away." She whimpers in pain. A car hitting me would be lighter. How can this tragedy get worse.
"When?"
"About an hour ago, she was at peace. The funeral service is Friday. I arrange the guest house for you, Roz, and Gwen."
"Maria, I need to add my girlfriend."
"When did you get a girlfriend?"
"About three weeks ago; Her name is Anatasia. Madam would have loved her."
"That is wonderful, I am sorry I did not know. I spent the last three months with great-grandmother here at Yeosu-si; She preferred re-living with great-grandfather in the garden house outside Sabang, after the war(WWII). Then in the here and now. She loved him like I have never know anyone to love."
"I can now understand her devotion, love for Fredrich. We will arrive as soon as possible. Andrea will email the detail as soon as they finalize."
"Bye, take care." Maria hangs up. I stand, walking out of my office. "Andrea where is Roz?"
"With Anna. I can call and have her come back up?" Andrea says trying to keep Anna and me separated till things cool down. While that is mote now. "Grab a pad and let's go down." I head for the elevator, lost in how do I tell Roz and Gwen. She chases.
Sitting on her private island, the terraced garden house, off Yeosu-si. Late fall day; The weather hasn't change to winter yet, at least here. We were hiding out after gambling in Maco. They didn't like we won, or that we kept the money. Sam is below snorkeling with her eight-year-old Great-Granddaughter Maria. The future CEO of Madam's company. Right now, her Oldest Great-Grandson is CEO, but he wants to retire an teach Korean calligraphy, Seoye. He is a gifted artist. Her other great-grandson, the Doctor, is a surgical resident at University Hospital Hamburg-Eppendorf in Europe. Brilliant private tutored genius, great-granddaughter Maria is playing nursemaid to Great-Grandmother.
Walking toward the room. Seeing about twenty people eating cake and laughing. It's some employee's birthday party. I am in no mood right now to be nice and mannered. The darkness is seeping in and making me ache in frustration. Losing the fight to remain sane, in this pain. I look into Anna's eyes and see relieve, if I let her?
"Everyone takes your plates and drink and get the f ##$K out of this room. Roz, Gwen, Anna, stay seated." I spot the birthday girl with the tell-tale hat. "I am sorry for this. Happy birthday."
Roz looks like she is going to blow a gasket as Gwen holds her back. Anna Looks like she is about to light me up. Good everyone has left; Andrea enters "close the door."
"Grey!" Gwen starts
"SHUT UP" I BARK. This is not going to be easy. Just say it and deal with the fallout later. "Maria Son just called me. Madam has passed. The service is Friday: She as set aside the guest house for the four of us. Andrea's get flight and everything going, clue in Jason. Roz have PR put out a statement, of are support for her family." I turn to the wall and try to hold back the tears. I've not felt like this since Sam died in my arms. Feeling Anna hold me as the painful lose and emptiness overwhelms me, wetting my shirt; Madam left me, just when I found a way out of the darkness.
"Christian, I will call Maria and see what she needs." Says Gwen as Roz pet my shoulder. Gwen and Roz are very tight with Lowel and Maria.
I don't know how or when we returned to my office. Anna holds me in her arms on the couch. I feel safe and love here. Everything will be alright. Anna will make it alright. Shit the parents' thing is this weekend. "Parents?"
"I will call and let them know a friend has died and we are out of the country for the funeral." Anna sooth me. "Tell me about Madam?"
"Sam introduced me years ago while we bummed around on the Bar Pons Sublicius. She was ah, eighty something acted like she was thirty. A grand lady of the old school. She was from Yeosu-si on the southern coast: Owns an island now, with a lovely summer house." Looking out the window, watching a flock of air rats sail by(pigeons).
Later:
"Friedrich Christiansen was an over-aged Second Officer on the SMS Luchs, in the WWI German China fleet; lost the ship in Siege of Qingdao in 1914's. He never went back to Germany. Around 1920, he founded a shipping company. By 1930, about eight coastal and two trans-pacific freighters. In Pusan around 1937; Madam's uncle sold her to a brothel; Friedrich bought her at an auction in the brothel bar that night. Week later married her. She was maybe around thirteen, he was forty years older than her." I always wonder why he did not go home? Sam thought he had nothing to go back for; or he felt betrayed by the admirals and politicians.
Later:
"She loved him deeply. When she talked about him, her eyes shined and I could see her as a twenty-year-old lost in love, with her soulmate. She never remarried after he died, she was thirty-five. He left her a shipping fleet of close to thirty vessels, dozen factories and shops; survived wars and politic. She had four sons and one daughter." I cuddle deeper into her arms and think about how Madam lived her life unafraid and unbowed to convention. I know she never took a lover, or consort. No one could ever measure up to husband.
Later:
"Now, only two great-grandsons and a great-granddaughter, Maria. Her son's forged business in tech, drugs, agriculture. Making her a billionaire in the early 1970's. Her daughter went into the shadow world of governments in the fifties or sixties. Spy, assassin: that's how Sam knew her. He brought her body back for Madam to bury in the 1970's."
I drift off thinking about Sam and what he would make of Anna. He would tell me to grab hold and never let go. Hell, or Heaven: she will be your touchstone and guiding light.
In the car headed home. Reflections of my face, Anna face in the car window; night has ink black, broken by the street light island of glow. "You know, I don't think anyone even in the family knows what her first name is. She was always just Madam Friedrich Christiansen-Son. I wish she could have known you, put her mind at ease about me."
"Why didn't you?"
"This last year, her mind drift someplace else. Her doctors ruled out dementia, Alzheimer's, and senility. She just preferred to live in his time. She would tell me stories of them sailing and trading the Pacific." Whimpering in the remembered emotions of those memories.
"Her favorite story for me. She would tell me over and over. Of him taking her to Antarctica after the war, WWII; just because she wanted to see it. A whole freighter's cost and shipping loss, just cruised about, because he wanted to make her happy. I hope we have that kind of love?" I say to her. She confused me with some friend of her husbands. Talking like I was there in their time. I always put the fear that she knew my birth father in a locked forgotten box in my mind.
"Christian, know this one thing is true. I love you. Period end of story. When I see, touch you. The world opens: it is just you and me in that moment." She kisses me an she is right, just us, here and now.
Hours later the moon has fallen, the night lights sparkle in the light drizzle. We still lay here in the great room and let the world drift by us. Gail covered us with a quilt a while ago. Madam loss is hard. I have so few real friends and even fewer from my time with Sam. She was always worried that I would be adrift. Lost in 'days and weeks,' as she called the darkness of the soul and heart.
First time on the island. Our escape from Maco's gambling dens. As Madam takes me again in chess. I wonder if I will ever win a game again, so far nine to one. The real nurse hands her pain pills. Seems Madam bet a business rival asshole, half her age, to The Cresta Run last week. She won but slipped on ice going to stick it to the loser. Dislocated her hip and knee. She been terrorizing everyone in her motorized wheelchair.
Challenged me to hold on to it and skateboard around the upper terraced garden. I accepted and we did just that; Sam and Maria damn near killed me, and berated Madam.
Who just laughed. Telling us all about racing one of the first Canvey Island cat's(catamarans) around 1939 Hong Kong Harbor. Friedrich and her, seven months pregnant, defeating a regatta of embassy assholes. She whispers about Fredrick telling her no she could not race; she was pregnant with her second set of twins. 'I (Madam) stood my ground, just kiss him and step aboard. Taking the tiller.'
She pridefully tell me, 'Heeling to windward on downwind run for the finish line, we hiked over the side, rode a knifes edge of the hull. The whole HIKE! He annoyed me asking if I was alright. I was perfect. Sailing with him, beating the asshole who looked down at little young me and him. Everyday spent with him was heavenly, even the bad days where better with him. Even when we argued, the makeup was worthy every drop of blood'.
Laughing, I won a chess game against her. A rare feat! She takes my hand and tells me "Somewhere out there is a girl for you. A girl who will tilt your world, lift your spirit and f%^%&^R%$#k the brains out of you. All you must do is learn to accept her and love her.
We sleep uneasy; and the flight tomorrow to Korea. In the car going to SeaTac to flight out. We are slowing navigating the airport morning rush as we loop around to the private flight terminal.
Two years ago, a business conference on world hunger, Bern: "Christian this move to Seattle?" she asks. "Personal" I answer
"What are you hoping to find?" she pets my hand. "Closer, finality, whether there is a place for me in this world?"
"Darkness is not a crime. Wallowing in it is."
"What if that is all I am?"
"Friedrich was lost in darkness for decades. Hatred, and pain was all he knew of women, family, loyalty. I remember standing in a dirty harbor bar and whorehouse. Watching these strange men scream in a language I did not understand. I knew my uncle had sold me the owner of the bar. I was terrified of the rape to come, looking out over the crowds. Wonder which one would hurt me.
A then a monster walked in. He said not a word, his face and being was calm, serene, and evil beyond: How Sam use to say 'God and Man.'He drew a gun, a killed six men. Wounded two others. He walked up to wounded, took out a knife and cut their heads off slow and brutal; Without emotions. Without remorse or even humanity.
He looked up at me. An I just knocked the bar owners' hands away and walked to him." Looking out over the lake, she smiles a little girl secret pleasure type of smirk. "Taking his bloody hand, I just squeezed it. He looked down at me. I looked up, he leaned down and kissed me. A spring blossomed in my heart and soul. I felt safe and needed to make him feel safe to. Strange this thing we call love: Friedrich took a while to admit our first kiss had Blossomed His Heart and Soul as well. No one knows that tale. Don't pass it around. Don't want people thinking Friedrich was bad, or cruel." I remember that tale as I held Anna in bed the first time. Maybe life is repeating itself?
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Madam Island south of Yeosu-si, Korea. Friday afternoon near dusk.
Madam ashes are drifting out to sea. She cremated her husband and drift him out from here, this seaward rocky outcrop of a natural jetty. Always wanting to be with him, even in death. The emotional family could not float the ashes, so they begged me, to for them. Standing knee deep in the gentle evening waves. Anna waded in after I gently shifted the paper box of ashes into the water. We watch them drift and fade into the depths, arm in arm.
In a bit, floating fire lanterns, prayers, will drift after her. I toss the flowers she loved, Koreans island golden calanthe (Christmas orchids) with its symbolism of loyalty and fidelity. Wading ashore, I hug Madam Great grandsons and Maria. Lowel's wife is just cuddling the broken man. We all feel the deep lost.
Roz and Gwen have Maria up on the grass above the tidal break. She broke down when her cousin, talked about Madam challenging him to academic excellence with Rolling Stone concert tickets. Hers were Nirvana.
We stare at the only photo Madam would allow at her funeral. Of her in Fredrich's arms on some Antarctic Island, penguins leap into the sea about them. He is cuddled around her. They are looking at each other; lost in the moment and love. Everything is irrelevant and meaningless: Just these lovers right there and then. You can feel the intensity of their emotions; love and commitment they have for the other. I almost feel dirty intruding on their moment. Even though it was decades ago.
Remembering her laughter, smirks, and pouts. The lady ruled the world and only loved it when he exists with her. All the rest was tainted with a bit of longing and sorrow. Looking at the picture on the beach, holding Anna in my arms. Sorrow and happiness. She is with him now and forever. I wish.
Airport Korea:
"Mr. Grey, I am Yunjin Kwon, Madam's secretary. She wanted you to have this." (she hands me a flash drive) Maria looks shocked. We are all shocked.
"What is on this!" I demand
"A video message she recorded Monday (International Date Line would be Sunday in Seattle: thus the day before she died.)." Yunjin Kwon, Madam's secretary. Speaks.
"Why was I not told!" Maria is about to blow a gasket.
"Madam direct me not to. She knew who Mr. Grey was. But linked him as friend of her husbands. It is all on the short message. Only about a minute."
Anna breaks out a laptop and we crowd around her in the small lounge waiting to board our plane. Madam looks tired and old. But the eyes are sharp and hawkish.
"Christian, I watched your musical movies. Fredrich was right about you. A special woman has caught you, and you no longer need follow the darkness; follow your heart. Open your soul. Fredrich told you last year at Sydney, if I could cage his monster, A girl would cage yours. We will see you next year in Seattle for the World Fair. She looks beautiful, innocent of man, worldly in the gray. A fitting 'skjaldmær,' Shield Maiden for my dark Knight Percival. Bye, bye." The video ends. Madam face frozen on the screen. Anna hands the laptop to Roz and just takes me in her arms. Kissing me. Sharing the burden of my heart.
"What Musical Movies?" Maria asks. Gwen pulls out her phone a shows her.
"Wow, Christian that is amazing. She cared about you a lot. Talked about you and Fredrich as if you were his brother or son. I think she saw Grandfather as a teenager, in you. How she wasn't there when he was young and need out of the darkness as she called it. She always regretted not getting to him sooner; having more time. I think she was making amends to him by helping you. Forgot she called you her dark Knight Percival. She loved you. We love you." Maria says. I just hold Anna and hug Maria to us. Something I now regret; I didn't do for Madam.
The flight is quiet. Dropping Roz and Gwen off in Japan. Then Seattle to dropping some off and picking some up the rest going to London. I wait the time remembering times spent with Sam, Madam. In Anna's love and arms. For once in my life; Anna's love shelters me from the storms racking my soul and weary frame. I am not an island alone in the maelstrom.