Title: Mental Mentorship

Summary: The sink-or-swim approach is not the best means to ensure the success of a new meritocracy program.

"Who were you assigned, Angelica?" His Highness asked.

Looking at the dossier, I said, "Olivia Gardenia."

Most notably, she had nothing between her first and last. I frowned at that. Were the documents filled out incorrectly?

"A commoner?" Julius asked with a shocked expression.

Reading through, I concluded that no mistake was made. Why had Mylene not informed me of the situation before? I know she was a busy woman, but a little forewarning would have been appreciated. It wasn't as if I was like the King and tried to shirk my duties.

Withholding a sigh, I recited the information I read to Julius.

"She is the daughter of a small family out in the frontiers. Someone of great import discovered her natural aptitude for magic and decided it would have been a waste for her talents to be wasted on running a gardening shop."

"You've certainly got your work cut out for you," he chuckled wryly. Somehow, the way he said that bothered me.

I shook my misgivings off. I was just annoyed with my circumstances and looking for a convenient way to vent my frustrations. His Highness didn't deserve my ire and certainly not for some imaginary infidelity.

To distract myself, I asked him, "Who were you assigned, if I may ask?"

"Leon Fou Bartfort."

I felt a pang of jealousy. Bartfort was the newest baron, and he had made a name for himself through adventuring. It was something of a childhood dream for me. Having him as my mentee would have at least made this extra duty somewhat more interesting, but I had to teach a girl all the ins and outs from scratch.

"Care to switch?" His Highness asked in a jesting tone.

"And invite your mother's wrath? I think not."

Alas, I saw why the assignments were as they were. It would have been far too improper not to assign mentors and mentees with gender in mind.

"Hmmm?" His Highness said as he looked through the dossier.

"Something the matter?"

"A note stating that Bartfort will likely be resistant to the idea of being a mentee."

"Out of pride?" I said as I thought of Seberg. Perhaps Bartfort was like him in that rank meant little in comparison to achievements.

"No. He was noted to have cried in despair when he received the news that he would become an independent baron when he graduates from the Academy."

I blinked at that. What could I say to that? The idea of nobles not aspiring for promotions was outside the realm of what I considered common sense. It was supposed to be an honor.

It must have been a commoner thing, or perhaps the boy values a lifestyle not tied down by the restrictions of etiquette and nobility. I could certainly see the appeal of a freer lifestyle. Being the daughter of Redgrave and the future Queen came with many difficulties. I've certainly had intrusive thoughts of simply dropping everything and eloping with His Highness.

"It sounds like you are in a similar situation as mine," I said appeasingly.

"Worse if he blames me for his predicament," he said with a sigh.

"Just allow him to indulge in whatever rural hobby he was into. You need only make sure he is capable of performing his duties by the time he graduates," I said placatingly.

At this, he gave me an odd look.

"What?"

"I would have figured you would have been more of a taskmaster. You would allow him to indulge in such behaviors?"

"So long as he isn't doing anything as drastic as siring bastards, I don't see the harm."

"Is it because he's only a frontier baron?"

"Your Highness?"

"... It's nothing."

There he goes again. For whatever reason, he would develop an anxious expression whenever my sense of propriety came up, and whenever I asked for clarification, he would dismiss it as nothing. It hurt knowing he still did not trust me enough to open up to me about his concerns.

I so desperately wanted to talk with him, but I did not know how. I feared earning his hate by coming off as too nagging or nosy. He did not want me to know, and any prying would do would likely push him further away.

"Very well, Your Highness. I must be off to inform my followers of what will be expected of them in the Academy," I said with a curtsy.

I decided to get ahead of the issue and approached Ms. Gardenia two months before the start of the semester. Regardless of her upbringing and gaps in knowledge, she would still be expected to behave as a lady of the court. Since she was to be my mentee, her behavior would reflect on me, and I would not tolerate anything that could tarnish my family's reputation.

"Hello, Ms. Gardenia. My name is Angelica Rapha Redgrave, and I am to be your mentor for the duration of your time at the Academy," I said with a polite curtsy.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Redgrave," the girl frantically said with a bow.

I had my work cut out for me. At least she was polite.

"You should refer to me as Lady Redgrave and do a curtsy instead of a bow when you are greeting someone."

"My apologies, Lady Redgrave," she stammered with a curtsy.

And willing to learn. Perhaps it would not take as much work depending on quickly she could learn.

"Utensils are used from the outermost to the innermost."

"Do not take such large bites! You are not a snake! Oh my... how did you do that?"

"The topic of the book doesn't matter! We are simply using it to help correct your posture! Stop reading the books!"

"The boy in the picture is the crown prince, and my fiancé. No touch. No talk. No look. Got it?"

"Do not accept a tea invitation unless you are considering marrying the boy. Actually... for all intents and purposes, it is probably safe to assume any boy who goes up to talk to you is trying to have sex with you. No, I'm not being a prude. It's specifically you in particular since you don't have land or money... I was not insinuating that you are poor. I was stating it. It was not meant to be an insult. I was also not insinuating no one could love you, or that you were too poor to buy love. What do you want from me?!"

"This is a rather lovely pie... would you like to be hired as my personal baker? What do you mean you'll teach me?"

"There's a herd of horned bunnies stopping the local farmers from doing their job? Well, I suppose now is as good as any time to teach you one of the duties you may be tasked with as a noble of Holfort."

"Livia, stab the rabbit already! I don't care how cute it is! It's currently trying to make a new air hole in my neck!"

"I just can't... No, you can't bring Monty to school! The students are very liable to stab the menace!"

"Stop drooling over my brother, Livia."

"This is Baron Leon Fou Bartfort. He, like you was accepted into the Academy for his merit. He is my fiancé's mentee... What do you mean by 'I have a mentor?'."

"Julius! You were going to let Sir Bartfort enter the school with zero preparation?!"

"It has come to my attention that Julius did not take the initiative to prepare you ahead of time. In light of this, Livia and I will have to spend the remaining two weeks to ensure you do not accidentally start a blood feud or ruin your prospective marriage opportunities."

"Stop wooing Livia, Leon! You're supposed to be courteous, not... whatever this is! What do you mean that's you being an asshole! You're telling me you have been trying to do the exact opposite of what I want!"

"... Go back to being an asshole. Your attempts at being courteous is somehow more infuriating than being yourself."

"In light of your dismal behavior, I've asked for assistance from another family. This is Deirdre and Dorothea Fou Roseblade. Ladies, kindly discipline him while I help Livia find some formal dresses."

"Why are you all wearing dog collars and yanking each other with them?!"

"Livia?! What do you mean your erotica was real?! Also, what erotica?! You mean to tell me that the books I had you balancing on your head were your parents' erotica?!"

"Livia, I forbid you from wearing a dog collar! It's neither fashionable nor classy. Use a choker instead."

"You want to go on a dungeon exploration with me as a birthday gift? How thoughtful!"

"We are not naming our adventuring party The Mad Dogs!"

"Barking Mad is not any better! Stop barking! What do you mean I'm the one madly barking?!"

"Leon, why are you wearing a blonde wig? Oy! Get that dog collar away from me!"

"Dammit, Livia! Do you even know how to care for a dragon?! Oh don't you start, Deirdre! Leon, don't throw rocks at... did that red and white rock eat the dragon?"

"The Academy starts tomorrow, for the love of god, don't embarrass me. That includes you too, Livia. You know why."

"Livia? Why did you and Leon tie up Ms. Lafan? She had less than innocent intentions for my fiancé? Carry on."

"... Livia, I know I only said my fiancé was off limits, but I assumed you had the brains to also know Brad, Greg, Chris, and Jilk were also off limits. Also, I thought you were interested in Leon. What do you mean Leon's pushing you towards them?! Stop blushing!"

"Leon, stop pushing your weird ass fetish on Livia, or at the very least, stop destabilizing the kingdom for your sexual perversion! Well what do you call it when you intentionally try to cuck yourself?!"

"Livia as the Saintess? That's a good joke, Leon... What do you mean you are serious? And you're not trying to put your baby in her? Yes, I'm serious. More importantly, are you trying to make a mockery of religion by having our future Saintess be a prostitute?! The technicalities of not being paid for sex is irrelevant! Goddamnit, Leon just take her! You're not even engaged to either of the Roseblade sisters!"

"This is what happens when you involve four other men in your fetish play, Leon. Of course they're going to challenge you to a duel for Livia. What do you mean it's my fault? She wanted your baby the whole time."

"Why was my engagement annulled?! The duel? That didn't involve me at all... I mean he was Julius's mentee... I mean I did mentor him, but... Well yes I did suggest Leon to... But Livia wanted... Leon, I'm going to kill you!"

"Leon... why are Julius and I tied down to the chairs? Aside from it stopping me from strangling you... Leon, come back here. I promise not to choke you to death for tying me to a chair... I promise not to choke you to death period... I don't promise not to choke you half to death since that would be lying."

"Leon, you only get to live because Julius and I are going on a date this weekend. While your actions did force Julius to talk, I'm not thanking you. Why? You forgot about us and left us tied up for hours! What do you mean you didn't forget... Let me show you my appreciation. Don't worry about the creaking, it's just a hug."

AN:

1) You can easily see where the original idea shifted to this.

2) I wanted to see if I could write a fic where it is written as a one-sided conversation. The format naturally drifted to humor since the lack of context leads to the imagination drifting towards the absurd. I probably could have made a more serious fic with the format, but it feels off since more serious stories tend to need more details or context to make them work.

3) Honestly, Leon's insistence on pushing Olivia onto other boys probably looks like a sexual kink to other people.

Review Responses:

1) Pembaca Sampah: A Little Closer to Home just takes up a lot of motivation do since it involves creating completely novel ideas, and is hard to figure out where to go with it.

2) luminaexotica chapter 10: It wasn't so much Jilk going Anakin on the munchkins so much as him reacting poorly in a stressful situation. He however would not have felt guilty if the child died.

3) luminaexotica chapter 11: We know that Merce and Leon aren't biologically related, but Leon doesn't yet.

4) luminaexotica chapter 18: To be fair, a lot of the issues I presented don't have going against the tide as a viable solution. Julius developed trust issues, which you can't really fight against with unless you are aware you have issues. Jilk is fine with his lot in life and more pities whoever he marries. Chris's issues stems from his inferiority complex. Brad can't go against Stephanie because the potential repercussion is that his engagement falls through and Fanoss resumes its attacks on his family. Greg is really the only who actively goes against his family, but fighting his lot in life is what is making his life shittier. Basically, all scenarios in which you either can't go against because of certain conditions or because doing so is the wrong thing to do.