Chapter 214: The Two Returns.
"oh dear, if I knew how much trouble this was going to cause I would have just observed the training from a distance"
-Lauz-millz, Its not all sunshine and carrots
Early that morning, Lionel-Hector went back to Darkhaven (or, as the humans called it, Gryphon Junkyards LLC). The last time he had gone there was the day of the flood. It felt like a long time ago, many things had happened since then, including his arrest and subsequent release.
He went to the mailbox; the mail had piled up in his absence. It was mostly junk mail, which he tossed down the pit. There was, however, an important-looking letter from the government, addressed to his boss Fredrick. He was extremely curious as to what it was about, but he resisted the temptation of opening it: it was not addressed to him, after all. After reaching the main building, he simply tossed the letter on the desk.
The whole place was a wreck, the flood had done a LOT of damage, even more so than he had expected. The bulldozer in particular was still in horrible condition. It would be a long day...
Woundwort was hopping along on his daily stroll throughout Darkhaven. LH walked past him, nearly stepping on him in the process. The General briefly contemplated murder. Perhaps later; at the moment, he had more important things to do than waste his time with such a fool. The outsiders had to die first.
Campion, meanwhile, was reflecting on his life. It seemed to him that he hadn't accomplished anything meaningful recently. All he did was take part in Woundwort's training. He desperately had to end this war, and eliminate General Woundwort, but that was not something he could do alone. Recruiting Aspen would be a good first step, but it may not be enough. He probably would not be able to convince many others to join him, considering how they all seemed to worship the General. He was still reflecting on the situation when suddenly, a large bird flew very close to him and spoke.
-"Yo, are you the one known as Campion?"
Campion stared at the bird; it was a falcon, and judging by its voice, it was likely female. Who was this bird? How did she know his name? He was so confused that he was unable to answer her question.
Campion was not the only rabbit who noticed the bird. Granite was nearby, and saw her as a way to practice training. He ran over to her and struck her with his front paw. This did not seriously harm her, only knocking off a few feathers, as she flew upwards just in time.
-"Heal, don't hurt!" she shouted. "Campion, is it really you?"
-"If Vervain were here, he would no doubt believe that the bird is conspiring with the outsiders, and that Campion is a traitor to Darkhaven," Orchis said, hopping over to Campion.
Campion sighed. Dealing with Vervain was one thing, dealing with Orchis impersonating Vervain was another.
-"If Vervain were here, I would then order him to shut up," Campion said.
-"And then Vervain would likely bring up other conspiracy theories in which you are supposedly involved."
-"Then Woundwort would hopefully tell him not to let his hatred of me cloud his judgment."
The falcon kept staring at Campion and Orchis, as they argued. Most other rabbits, meanwhile fled in fear of the bird. Granite was the only one who remained; he tried pouncing on her once again, but she took off at that exact moment, causing him to fall short of his goal. Realizing that Campion was not going to answer, and with the situation becoming increasingly dangerous for her, she had no choice but to leave.
-"Falcons aren't dangerous!" Woundwort shouted, as he came running. "Why did you all panic, you cowards?"
-"I did manage to get a few feathers," Granite said, displaying them proudly. "They would look great in my ear, I'm sure."
Woundwort was absolutely dumbstruck. His owsla was left terrified by a harmless bird, and the only one who actually bothered to fight the creature seemed only to care about wearing the feathers. For some reason, it seemed nearly everyone in the warren had some feathers somewhere on their body; this was absolutely ridiculous, and he would put an end to this.
-"All of you, take off your feathers."
-"What? Why?" several rabbits cried out.
-"Feathers belong on birds, not on land creatures like us rabbits. We should know better than to accessorize. Seriously, what do you think you are? Cats? Wolves? Our enemies should tremble in fear at the sight of us, not laugh at our silly appearance. Maybe that's why you lot have done so poorly in the past, because nobody took you seriously. Everyone remove them NOW."
-"But the law says that..."
-"I AM THE LAW!" Woundwort was furious: it was already bad enough to hear the Speaker of the Past ramble about the law, now others were also doing this. "TAKE THE FEATHERS OFF OR DIE!"
This had the desired effect. One by one, the rabbits removed the feathers they had hanging from their ears and necks, dropping them on the ground. A few struggled, the feathers were embedded deep into the fur; Woundwort ripped them off himself. Once satisfied that nobody was wearing any feathers anymore, he gathered them all together and made his way towards the ramp.
-"I will now go and dispose of this junk, I'll be right back."
Woundwort disposed of the feathers by dropping them under LH's car. Upon his return, he saw that the Darkhaveners were fighting each other as usual. However, they were not training: instead, two of them had started the battle as a way to resolve a petty dispute about a game of bob-stones, and soon everyone was taking sides, causing the fight to escalate.
-"You lot are so inefficient!" the General shouted. At this, several rabbits stopped fighting to look at him, but others took advantage of this situation to pounce on their opponents without warning.
-"You're really not handling this the right way at all!" Woundwort continued. "When you fight the outsiders, it won't be like this, you have to quickly kill them."
-"But it's more fun to do it slowly, give them a chance to fight back, and cause them more pain," Orchis interjected.
-"This is war! This is not supposed to be fun! Your goal is to kill the outsiders quickly and efficiently. If you allow them to fight back, they might defeat you instead, and that would be a disaster. Let's assume that we try to surround their warren from all directions. How would they defend themselves? You over there, answer me!"
Shale, whom Woundwort had pointed to, gulped. While he knew a lot about single combat, he had no idea how to fight a war.
-"They try to push us back?"
-"Absolutely! So why don't you fight like this? Instead of randomly fighting the closest rabbit, why don't you all gang up on those in the centre of the group, who try to push you away?"
-"It's not as fun..." Orchis started to say.
-"Campion, Vervain, Orchis, and Feldspar, you form the centre group and fight the attackers."
-"I haven't seen Vervain today," Campion said. "Although Orchis was impersonating him earlier."
-"He's on patrol," Orchis said. He knew this was still not true, but he would keep using this excuse as long as he could.
-"AGAIN?" Woundwort was furious. "It appears to me that Vervain is spending his entire life either on patrol, returning from patrol, asking for permission to go on patrol, or sleeping. Anyway, you three, you will be the targets. The rest of you try to incapacitate them. But don't actually kill anyone, I need you all alive for the ultimate battle against the outsiders. If you place your hind leg on someone's neck, it counts as a kill. Get ready!"
The rabbits cautiously took their spots as Woundwort ordered; many of them were confused as to what exactly they were supposed to do. Granite was one of these; he was doing his best, until suddenly...
-"Hold, Granite! I'm sending you and Shale on a special training mission, to help grow your muscles."
Granite was left nervous at the prospect of such a "special training mission". When Woundwort finally explained the details, it turned out to be even worse than expected: he and Shale were to bring a tree back to Darkhaven. He was baffled as to how they were supposed to do that, but they both nevertheless left to complete the mission.
As they hopped along the ramp leading out of Darkhaven, however, there was a loud explosion, and cloud of thick black smoke appeared in front of them.
-"Oops," Lionel-Hector said, realizing he had punctured the bulldozer's gasoline tank.
-"Perhaps we should delay this mission until after the smoke clears," Shale suggested.
-"I don't want to do this any more than you do," Granite said, "but I don't fancy telling Woundwort that."
-"But this is madness! Why can't we train like everyone else? My muscles are fine, they don't need growing."
Suddenly, Shale noticed another shape emerging from the smoke. At first he could not identify it, but as it got closer, he realized that it was a rabbit.
-"It's the Black Rabbit of Inlé! Run!"
Without waiting for Granite, he dashed off back towards the bottom of the pit. Granite, however, remained motionless, until the rabbit became more clearly visible.
-"No Shale, this is Spartina!" he shouted. "I thought you were dead," he added, turning to the doe.
-"As you can see, I'm not dead," Spartina replied. "Are you still the leader of this place, or did you lose the rank in single combat?"
-"Well, uh, I'm afraid I lost it..." Granite said, embarrassed.
-"Why am I not surprised? Who's the new boss?"
-"A big fellow called Woundwort..."
-"Take me to him."