Chapter 219: The Wasted Projects.

"I'm afraid that I don't deserve a friend like you. So just pretend that you never saw me like this." [...]

"I wish you the best of luck, then. For better or worse, I'll never forget you."

-CanzetYote, Sympathy For The Devil

It was now late afternoon in Darkhaven. Woundwort and his owsla had spent the past few hours taking part in Brain's photo shoot. Every time it looked like the mouse was finished, he suddenly brought up a new idea, another shot, another angle. Group shots, solo shots, fighting scenes, audio recordings of Woundwort growling...it just kept going on and on.

-"And now," Brain announced, "something from my 3D printer. Pinky, bring it."

Pinky brought a plastic blob that was shaped like a rabbit's severed head, with red paint thrown at many random spots to make it look like blood.

-"Hold it up proudly," Brain instructed the General, "as if you had just decapitated someone."

Woundwort scoffed. The 3D-printed head did not look realistic at all.

-"Say, how much longer is this going to go on? You were supposed to help me destroy the outsiders, but so far all I've done today is pose for you and your so-called 'pictures'."

Brain briefly pondered Woundwort's question. He still had some ideas for additional photographs that he had not yet carried out, but he could not risk antagonizing the General. He would take a break to edit the footage he had filmed so far, before one final session. With a bit of luck, he would be finished before sunset; then, he would guide Woundwort to Watership Down and detonate the dynamite. Within a few days, the videos and photographs he took would be trending on all the major social networks, and he would take over the world!

-"Everyone take five!" he called out. He took the memory card out of the camera and walked away.

Woundwort looked at his owsla. Perhaps, if they weren't too exhausted, he would be able to train them, even if just a little bit. He just had to find Spartina first. Where was she, anyway? He couldn't recall seeing her since the mice had arrived. He was about to go off and look for her, but Pinky stepped in front of him first, holding a smartphone.

-"You look stressed," the mouse said. "Do you want to play a game to pass the time and cheer up? Narf!"

-"No," Woundwort bluntly replied.

-"Come on, it'll be fun!"

The General sighed. Maybe, if he played for just a few minutes, then the mouse would leave him alone.

-"Fine."

-"Narf! That's awesome!"

Pinky opened an app on his smartphone before dropping the device in front of Woundwort. The screen was largely black and blue, with a lot of yellow dots and a few other shapes.

-"What is this?" Woundwort was not used to smartphones and mobile games.

-"You control the little yellow blob, the goal is to eat all the dots while avoiding the ghosts."

-"That's supposed to be a game? It sounds boring and stupid."

-"Try it, it's fun!"

Woundwort cautiously pressed the start button. Manipulating the touchscreen with his big furry paws was a challenge; he had barely started the first level when he hit one of the enemy ghosts, bringing the game to an abrupt end.

-"What just happened?"

-"Poit, seems you lost. Try it again."

Woundwort felt humiliated by how quickly he had lost. He would not let himself be bested by some ridiculous game. He tapped the restart button and gave it another try. This time, he was able to survive a bit longer, but defeat still came quickly.

-"Narf, you're not doing well at all," Pinky remarked. "Do you want to try again, or maybe play another game instead?"

Campion was pleased when Brain announced the break. Spartina's behaviour had left him concerned: she was clearly up to something nefarious, but he did not know what. He had seen her sneak away when the photo shoot started, but was unable to follow her at the time, without attracting Woundwort's attention. Now that the General was busy with some sort of game, he could finally go spy on her, from a distance.

Spartina had spent much of the afternoon digging a few additional holes in the hopes of discovering where the weapon was buried, but she did not find anything. It seemed increasingly obvious that it had been moved since she had last seen it. She went to climb the tower; she would be able to see the entire warren from there, and find other possible hiding spots.

Fredrick and Lionel-Hector had been gathering junk for a while. This mostly involved taking random objects and putting them in separate bags for paper, metal, plastic, and other materials. Progress was very slow: while several bags had been completely filled, there was a lot of stuff still laying around, some of which (such as the tires) was too large to fit in the bags and would be harder to deal with. Fredrick was losing patience.

-"I'm going to the loo," he said after a while; he didn't really need to pee, he just wanted some time alone to clear his mind. "Don't do anything while I'm gone."

-"As you wish, sir Fred!"

Managing a rare smile, Fredrick slowly made his way towards a portable toilet further away. Before entering it, he cast one last glance at his employee, who had resumed sorting (despite clearly being told not to do anything). Hopefully he wouldn't cause any major damage, but by that point Fredrick didn't care anymore, and simply walked inside and closed the door.

Lionel-Hector continued sorting for a few more minutes, but the strain of holding the plastic bag open was too much for his back. Therefore, he sat down on an old tire and, after lighting himself a cigarette, took out his smartphone and put on a pair of earbuds. He did not take his eyes off the screen, not even when he tossed away the cigarette butt a few minutes later. Unfortunately, he had not finished cleaning up the mess caused by the bulldozer's punctured gas tank...

-"The tree has been stolen!"

Granite was unpleasantly woken up by Shale violently shaking him.

-"Quit shoving," he replied angrily. "Why are you so rough all the time?"

-"But our tree!" Shale appeared to be on the verge of hysterics. "It's gone! Somebody stole it!"

Granite slowly got up, clearly in no hurry. As he looked around him, he saw that the tree was still there.

-"What are you on about? Nobody stole the tree!"

-"The branch! The broken branch was stolen!"

Upon taking a closer look, Granite saw that the branch (and only the branch) was indeed missing.

-"Did you see who did it?"

-"Of course not, I was asleep."

-"Regardless, we have to find the thief and get our branch back."

-"Surely a creature large enough to steal that branch must be huge! We would never stand a chance if it attacked us!"

-"If Woundwort heard that, he would call us 'cowards'."

Shale thought for a few moments. He wanted to stay alive, but he did not want to be considered a coward.

-"Let's go. Let's split up, we'll have a better chance of finding it this way."

The two rabbits dashed away in separate directions. After a few minutes of running, Granite caught up with the falcon thief, heading in the direction of the pit of Darkhaven. The branch was large compared to her body, she was flying very slowly. He ran over to her and tackled her, prompting a loud squawk.

-"Aah it's the murder buns again!"

With her sharp talons, she was able to fight him off and push him off her. Granite got a large cut on his forehead, but was not going to give up so easily. The two stood in front of each other, staring, each waiting for the other to make a move. After a few moments, Shale came running.

-"What was all that noise?" Shale asked, confused. "Where's the thief?"

-"...right in front of me?" Granite was left annoyed by the pointless question.

-"Oh. I didn't expect a bird. Let's fight it."

-"Fight it? Did you see my face?"

-"Oh, did it do that?" Shale became nervous, although he did his best to hide it. "That's not too bad, let's fight."

-"Look, you're so brave, why don't you go and attack the bird?"

-"How do you expect me to do that?"

-"I don't know, I assumed you had an idea how to do it, you're the one who first suggested it after all."

-"We could jump on opposite sides, then ram against it."

-"That's a very stupid idea, that bird has wings and could easily knock us away with them."

-"Do you have any other suggestions?"

-"I'm sorry," the bird suddenly said. "Doing the right thing means a lot to me. Lately, I've been more confused about telling right from wrong. For example, I've wondered whether being around here is wrong, or talking to rabbits. I intended to withdraw for just a bit and sort this out. However, it took longer than I thought."

The two rabbits stopped arguing and stared at the bird, utterly confused.

-"I don't mean to do wrong," she continued. "Quite the opposite, ironically. I'm sorry for letting you down. You can keep the branch."
She flew off, leaving the branch on the ground.

-"Phew!" Shale sighed. "I'm glad we won't have to fight that big bird."

-"What was she even talking about? She was so mysterious, should we be worried?"

-"No, we shouldn't. What that bird does is none of our business. Let's just get this silly mission over with."

Carrying the branch the rest of the way to Darkhaven was a challenge, due to its size and length. Each rabbit had to hold one tip in his mouth, and they had to walk slowly. Once they reached the edge of the battle pit, they were faced with another challenge: getting it to the bottom.
-"So...what now?" Granite asked.

-"How about we just push it over the edge?"

-"You fool, don't you realize what's going to happen? It will crush whoever happens to be down there!"

-"What's wrong with that? The strong rabbits will run away before it's too late. Only the weaklings will perish."

-"Woundwort has said that he can't afford to lose anyone, not even weaklings."

-"Then we just try to aim away from any rabbits who might be down there?"

-"Wait, is that fire?"

-"Fire!?"

Indeed, upon taking a closer look, Shale saw that a few flames had sprouted where LH had dropped his cigarette. In his panic, he accidentally kicked the branch down the slope.

Brain returned to the battle pit with a big grin on his face. The footage he had filmed so far had exceeded his expectations, despite the many setbacks with lighting and makeup. The only thing missing was Woundwort providing an ominous narration. Once this final recording was finished, he would take over the world!

As he looked at Woundwort, however, he was shocked to find him manipulating a smartphone. Pinky was beside him, also staring at the screen. Orchis was also nearby, shaking his head in disbelief.

-"This doesn't make sense! That hedgehog is running faster than us rabbits, how is that possible?"

-"Quiet, I'm trying to focus," Woundwort said, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Brain had an idea what had happened, although he hoped he was wrong. He approached Pinky for confirmation.

-"Pinky, what have you done?"

-"I taught him how to play, narf! Maybe if he learns how to have fun, he won't be so evil anymore."

Brain sighed, and pushed his friend out of the way.

-"General Woundwort sir, I was hoping that..."

-"Not now, I'm busy."

-"Don't you want to..."

-"I SAID NOT NOW!"

With a single kick of his front paw, Woundwort shoved Brain away. Moments later, a loud sound effect was heard, and Woundwort growled in anger.

-"Ugh! Look what you made me do with your pointless distractions! And I was so close to victory..."

Brain was dizzy following the kick, it took a few minutes before he got back up. He took a glance at the camera's memory card, still in his hand; fortunately, it had not been damaged by the kick. It was then, however, that he realized, much to his horror, that there were flames on the ground, inching closer to the stick of dynamite that he had left unattended during the photo shoot. He ran over to it, hoping he would get there in time to prevent the explosion. He arrived just a moment too late, as it blew up in his face, throwing him through the air.