Chapter 228: Inqwynn's Unfortunate Life.

"I stare dejectedly at the shadows,

They are cold, silent, and still,

[...]

All the freedom is drained out,

For officers patrol around me,

They know I'm looking for an escape route,

I've done nothing to deserve this life,

Into it I was born, though,

Every moment is silent torture,

Oh, why does the day go by so slow?

My dreams are where I truly live,

Where all around you can see,

Racing the wind through endless fields,

Oh, how I long to be free,

[...]

But I've got spirit; you can't hold me in,

I promised myself I'd never give up,

I'll find a way to have freedom,

No matter how hard, no matter how tough,

I'd run to the end of the world,

To escape the cautious terror here

[...]

It's only depression that I fear,

I know that somewhere out there,

There's a place for me,

Where I can do as I please,

Oh, how I need to be free..."

-MistyMew, Hoping

-"Now, in the look of elements, N talks the ruby," Inqwynn said.

-"F says, 'Ooh, I love rubies C!'" Vervain said with a high-pitched voice. "'They're so pretty!'"

-"No," Inqwynn said, breaking character. "You're saying it wrong. It's 'pwetty'."

-"Fine. Rubies are so pwetty, C."

Vervain rolled his eyes. Inqwynn had previously invited him to reenact ancient stories with him, and despite his initial refusal, he later accepted. The plotlines were very silly, and the characters' behaviour was so strange that it was hard to believe they had ever really existed. But despite all this, Vervain was actually having fun (although he would never publicly admit it).

-"I don't think she's talking abat rubies, F," Inqwynn whispered. "Ya know, I think it moight be the yahoo. Now you do N."

Vervain stood up high, and switched his voice to be very deep, as he pretended to be N:

"Th th the yahoohoohooo is than sssswer t- t- to stuff. It it it is dagnerouse. Ee I wi will shoow ye."

This was followed by awkward silence on the part of both rabbits.

-"Do I have to do the sound effects too?" Vervain eventually whispered.

-"Ideally, yes."

Vervain sighed. This was highly undignified, but the plot mandated it.

-"PSSSHHUUU WOOOW CLICKCLICK!" Vervain did over the top movements with his front paws: if he had to look ridiculous, might as well go all the way.

Inqwynn placed a leaf over one of his eyes, indicating another character switch: there were only two players, but hrair characters.

-"Now, is this useless or is this treasure? This would be an interesting subject to ponder at some point in the future, but at the moment, we must not let the garden fall. Now I'll be doing E." Inqwynn kicked the leaf off his eye, then looked around the burrow floor. "Twig? Where's the twig?"

-"What twig? We talk about the wahoo," Vervain said, returning to the high-pitched F voice.

-"No, this is not part of the plot. At silflay, I asked you to bring a twig back to the burrow. I need it now."

-"Oh."

Vervain was sitting on the twig; he kicked over to Inqwynn, who picked it up and pointed it back towards Vervain, trying to look threatening.

-"Somebody call the owsla!"

-"I'm P." Vervain scratched the burrow floor. "Now you do O."

-"You're not giving me much to work with." Inqwynn shook his head, before switching to the soft O voice. "Four raccoons risked their lives to bring this back, and you wasted it. For now, be calm, we go out."

The two rabbits hopped in circles around the burrow simulate going above ground; they couldn't really do it, due to the harsh laws of Nu Beatha, so they had to pretend. Inqwynn then picked up the leaf again, and kicked a bit of dirt on top of it, before pushing it over to Vervain.

-"Pretend this is water." He cleared his throat, and went back in-character. "I don't see anything."

-"No w- w- w- worries, O. Ye soo- soo- soon will." Vervain threw the leaf outside the burrow; it was now time for more insane sound effects. "KYEEEE! KYAAAAAH! RREEEEEEEEE!"

-"You're going a bit over the top, but don't worry. Suddenly, a dark shape appeared in the sky. It seemed to grow larger and larger until the entire sky was black. The trees were uprooted and absorbed by the shape, and the rabbits soon found themselves picked up off the ground and sucked inside the hole. The rest of the universe soon followed. Some tried to fight this hole in the sky, with predictable results. Some turned to their emergency escape plans, but it was already too late. Some believed that this was a big storm, bigger than any other in the past, and turned to science to explain it. Others complained about their destiny, and their failed careers in the owsla or at the storytelling union, or even the fact that they actually existed, or not. Others said they were underappreciated except for the jokes, while others were making the jokes. Some happy couples stayed together. Those who were afraid had to become stronger. Some did nothing at all, because you can't stop the end of the world. The last one said "I will rise again". The rest were already dead, and therefore did nothing. The end."

Vervain opened his mouth, hardly believing his ears.

-"Frith and Inlé, Inqwynn, what kind of messed-up ending is that?"

-"Oh, that's no good. I'll have to come back, and try to do better next time. You're right, now I'm the one overdoing it, not to mention that this end of the world scenario would prevent us from continuing this story another day. Let's just say R threw a rock at P and F made a witty comment."

-"That's better, I guess." Vervain was not entirely convinced: the plot did not seem to be leading anywhere, it was just a series of random events.

-"So, did you have fun?" Inqwynn asked proudly.

-"You were hardly exaggerating when you said that your friends were weird."

-"I don't recall saying that."

-"Well, now I'm saying it!"

Vervain lied down: roleplaying may be fun, but sleep was more important, especially now that he had owsla duties in addition to digging.

-"Now let's talk about El-ahrairah," Inqwynn said.

-"Him again?" Vervain asked, slightly annoyed.

-"Of course. We previously discussed how he is usually the main character in his stories, and how these stories may not have unfolded exactly as they are described. But there is something else too. I assume you probably consider him a hero?"

-"Of course he's a hero!" Vervain rolled his eyes, that was such a stupid question with a very obvious answer. "Is he not every rabbit's role model?"

-"What if I told you that he's not actually the hero? And that he is actually...the villain?"

-"Then I would question your sanity even more than I already do."

-"It's not as absurd as it might sound at first. Let's take a look at the blessing story. If we are to trust that everything really happened as we say it did...why did Frith turn some animals into elil?"

Inqwynn obviously knew the answer, he was just testing Vervain. Seeing no way out, the former captain responded.

-"To get revenge on El-ahrairah."

-"And what did El-ahrairah do that made Frith want to get revenge on him?"

-"He stood up to Frith's unreasonable demands."

-"And what were these 'unreasonable demands'?"

-"To stop mating so much and having so many children."

-"And you're sure this was unreasonable?"

-"Obviously."

-"Frith didn't seem to think this way. Are you sure there were no negative consequences?"

Vervain fell silent. He knew where Inqwynn was going, and it made him deeply uncomfortable.

-"Weren't there?" Inqwynn insisted.

-"There were so many rabbits that food was running out," Vervain was forced to admit.

-"EXACTLY. So, if Frith hadn't created elil, everyone would have starved to death."

-"Yes..."

-"So, you see the contradiction. Everyone says that El-ahrairah saved the rabbits, but the truth is, he's actually the cause of all our problems. If he hadn't mated so much, the world wouldn't have become overpopulated, there would have been enough grass and plants for everyone. If he had listened to Frith's warning, elil wouldn't have been necessary. But no, he just made a snarky comment, and even today, we are still suffering the consequences of that first rabbit's foolishness."

Vervain was horrified: Inqwynn had thoroughly and mercilessly obliterated this great hero. He couldn't let this happen, he just had to defend him.

-"Nobody's perfect! Not even our glorious prince. But he redeemed himself! He got Frith to bless him."

-"That's a massive oversimplification. What did El-ahrairah tell Frith just before the blessing?"

As Vervain thought back at the story, he realized the major flaw in his own argument.

-"He said, 'to my bottom, give your blessings'..."

-"You see? There he goes with another snarky comment! Which, if you remember, a snarky comment is what got him in all this trouble in the first place. Fortunately, Frith was feeling merciful, and that is the only reason we are alive today."

It was becoming clear to Vervain that there was no way he would be able to defend El-ahrairah in the blessing story, but not all was lost: there were many other heroic tales he could still point to.

-"What about the King's Lettuce? Surely El-ahrairah was a hero there."

-"Think of all the innocent citizens of King Darzin's realm who got sick from the poisoned lettuce."

-"That...that was Rabscuttle's doing! He's the one who poisoned the lettuce, not El-ahrairah."

-"Maybe so, but he was still acting on his Chief's orders."

Vervain's heart sank. Surely there had to be some other, more positive stories, that Inqwynn couldn't attack?

-"What about Rowsby Woof and the Fairy Wogdog?"

-"Rowsby Woof may have been unintelligent, but he was just doing his job, and El-ahrairah took advantage of him. The poor dog was harshly punished by his human afterwards."

-"The terrible hay-making?"

-"El-ahrairah knew that the warren was going to be destroyed, but he didn't try to save anyone. He and Rabscuttle ran away like cowards."

-"King Fur-Rocious?" Vervain was now forced to resort to more obscure stories. "He saved his people from the evil king, THAT was heroic."

-"He was being selfish. He was perfectly willing to let his people suffer under King Fur-Rocious' control, until he learned that the king had taken his favourite doe Nur-Rama. Mind you, nobody ever bothered to ask Nur-Rama her opinion on the situation. For all we know, maybe she was happy with Fur-Rocious and was glad to get away from El-ahrairah."

Vervain was utterly demoralized. No matter what story he mentioned, Inqwynn always found a counter-argument that painted El-ahrairah in a bad light.

-"Can we sleep now?" If he couldn't win the argument, it would be nice if he could at least rest.

-"I did keep you up very late, didn't I? All right, let's get some sleep. Good night Vervain."

The two rabbits lied down and closed their eyes. But, much like a few days before, Inqwynn suddenly sprang up just as Vervain was about to fall asleep.

-"By the way, while you were busy with the owsla earlier, I got a visit from a member of the council."

-"You're only telling me this NOW?"

-"Sorry, it completely slipped my mind. He said that there's something big happening tomorrow."

-"What sort of big thing?"

-"He didn't say. We'll find out in the morning."

That was pointless, Vervain thought...he closed his eyes again, hoping that this time, he wouldn't get woken up until morning.