Chapter 48: Would It Begin This Way?

His perception of time was the last thing Shinji lost. The blinding light that flowed against him and the colliding attacks between him and Da'at caused made him see nothing but pure blinding white light as though he was being thrust into extreme opposite of the Dirac Sea Leliel sunk him into. Instead of all his senses being deprived, they were being pushed well beyond what the human psyche was intended to comprehend.

First it was his sense of sight that was lost as the continuous build of white pummeled his eyes like a persistent rain upon his vision before being so overwhelmed his eyes could no longer function. His brain was only left to process all images in front of him as absolute darkness with no way of registry. Even with such a horrifying prospect, he had little comfort in knowing he was able to feel everything else around him to remind him of his existence.

This reminder was only the beginning for him as he felt one sense after another fade the longer he was left captured in his cockpit. He could not tell what was happening to him but the feeling of defeat around him was familiar to that of the time he dissipated into LCL after his fight against Zeruel. Struggle as he might, wish all he might for the contrary, his individuality was a struggle to hold on to as he felt himself slip further and further away from what he perceived to be reality.

His stand against Da'at was the one thing he was focused on and what thoughts he had all trailed off afterwards. This made his inability to keep track of how much time had passed even more haunting as he was left in a constant state of fear over what he had accomplished or if he finally met his end somehow. He could claim he had consciousness but had no way of proving he was in his original state.

Every sense he struggled to keep hold of faded the longer he was left without vision unable to perceive of what was happening to him. His determination to remain defiant against the last Angel was the only thing he could imagine being what would reawaken him. It was a struggle he continued to hold on to until a point came where he felt his sense of touch suddenly forced back upon him.

Such an obstruction finally gave way as soon as he found himself slid into a metallic surface and felt himself moved. He could not say when he began to perceive his surroundings again but it all came to him as he tried to force himself awake. All of his thoughts seemed to come back in an instant but immediately found himself confused as he realized he was not in Unit-01's cockpit.

As soon as he realized his hearing returned the first thing he heard was someone announce, "... physiologically he is a perfect match to the Third Child."

There were terms and observations he could not understand at the moment but turning on his side he thought he saw the one he was fighting for. He almost thought he saw Ikuko but rationalized she would not have worn such a formal suit. He also had no conception of what she would have been doing in a place of authority like she was right now.

Desperate to reach out to her, Shinji called, "Miss... Misato?"

The woman turned to realize she was being spoken to but kept herself from immediately showing any sign of emotion. Shinji's gaze turned and wavered as he realized there were other people present. He found himself hoping she was reluctant to give a public display but his queries were ultimately cut from even being spoken.

He believed he was still in the headquarters of NERV but he could not imagine what sort of force would be powerful enough to twist any of its halls. The table he was situated on rolled its way to the other side and crashed into the wall. He reached out his hands in an effort to keep himself steady but still found his body too weak to do anything strenuous.

"Sakura! Keep him secure!"

A woman made her way to Shinji's table before strapping him down with the buckles. She pressed every bit of weight she had into keeping the table from moving while Shinji was left to watch and struggle to comprehend where he was. Over her shoulder he was fortunate to find there was a monitor that was displaying things that occurred outside. It was currently the only means he had of finding out what was happening as he realized everyone else was fixated on their own computer area.

The world had changed drastically since he left it. The Angel Da'at was still looking over the base to NERV but unwilling to move. It was able to defend itself however as the creatures that spawned from its orbs looked out in every direction while having the lower halves of the Mark 7 units they claimed some time ago. Much to Shinji's relief, the forces Misato led were not defenseless.

He could see what resembled Unit-02 making its way through a red sky while another two units followed behind. In their flight he could see one of the monstrous beings that sprouted from Da'at's orbs long ago lunging its way towards the screen. It was difficult to keep track of the action with his state but he saw one of the units run along the top of the being before preparing a spear and thrusting it towards the red gem atop its head. The attack was not enough as it was forced to slowly make its way through the AT Field.

The slow attack was enough to give the being enough time to jerk its upper head up to fling the unit off but then found itself open to a shot that came from above. It was forced to deal with another attack as its field shattered and opened itself to another unit falling down upon the red gem of its core with a mighty blade making the killing blow. While the creature began to fall from having taken the decisive blow, it fired from one of its arms only to miss and force the Eva units to make their retreat.

Shinji felt whatever he was inside rocked again but saw the screens give a view revealing his worst fear. Da'at hovered in the air unchallenged as the day it arrived but prepared to send another one of the creatures from its orbs. The ones that were still alive fired their cannons towards the Eva units while the structure Shinji found himself in was tilted and made a sharp turn away from the Angel. The barrage of beams that shot out were a series of distractions that kept him from recognizing a thing that resembled an Eva unit freed itself from the head of the attacker.

He did not initially see what was coming towards him but heard someone announce, "Captain! It's headed for us!"

The woman giving command ordered, "Bring all units back! We have to get out of here!"

Shinji looked up and found himself chilled at what he saw. A monstrosity he thought he dealt with long ago was once again threatening him. Here it was now with an imposing red spear that it threatened to thrust down.

"A... suka?"

The being that resembled Unit-02 was forced off the roof by the unit that resembled what it used to be before shooting one round after another into before causing the spear to to fall out of its hands. Shinji was losing track of the battle with the three Eva units forming up on the corrupted creation in hopes of achieving its destruction. In response to the attack however it instead leapt into the air and away from the surface that shelled him and everyone else inside.

Another woman announced, "The enemy is retreating captain. All Eva units are still functioning. Emergency power is reaching critical levels."

The captain ordered, "Return them to the hangar bays now. Begin emergency repairs upon landing."

One of the first voices Shinji could recognize added, "We have Unit-01 secured! The objective has been cleared!"

Shinji felt himself forced against the wall again but saw Sakura press her weight against him to keep him from moving. The push was not as powerful this time however and gave him a chance to see who was giving the reports. He could not tell how he recognized Makoto with such a different appearance but it was the only recognition that gave him any sense of security.

His perception of time was still his own and was the only thing that gave him a sense of progression. The area he was in was still rocked by forces he could not perceive outside and the occasional discussion between crew members was lost in him. It was not until he no longer had to deal with the rocking that he found himself able to concentrate on his surroundings but had no idea how long it was since the chaos had ensued.

Shinji heard Shigeru announce, "The enemy is retreating captain. No hostiles detected in the immediate area."

More composed than before, the captain looked up through the window in front of her ordering, "Maintain course. Get us into orbit."

There were no more doubts in Shinji's mind as he realized where he was. He was in something that was flying through the air. Still in a world that needed Evas and Angels were still a major threat.

It was not his foremost concern however as he saw the captain of the ship make his way to him. He saw her look down but hesitated to say anything in response to him. Only a moment of silence passed as she tried to keep her reaction from being seen behind her glasses.

Taking the initiative to break the silence Shinji asked, "Miss Misato?"

He received the confirmation as he saw he remover her glasses in response. Indeed Misato Katsuragi was looking over him but wearied by the passage of time that he had no comprehension of. He discovered his confusion would only continue to grow from there.

He was thankful that whatever he was traveling on was no longer under attack but did not hear the Misato he was hoping for as she ordered, "Keep the course. Sound off any alarms if we find anything else." Taking hold of the straps that bound him, Misato released Shinji from the table before asking, "Can you stand?"

Returning his focus back to Misato, Shinji answered, "I think I'm okay."

Helping him up to his feet, Misato remained reluctant to say anything else but heard Sakura ask, "You will take him to the sick bay won't you, Captain?"

Misato assured, "He'll be there soon."

Time had changed Misato in more ways than her physical appearance. Now in command of a vessel and a crew waiting for her command, she spoke in a more authoritative voice than even at her most determined. Being at her side again made Shinji wonder if she had been completely changed or if there was a side of her he was not seeing.

He was reluctant but managed to ask, "What happened?"

Misato knew what Shinji was trying to make sense of as she answered, "It's been 14 years."

It was a simple statement that answered everything challenging Shinji's perception. Misato and everyone else around her had aged but he didn't. The new world he was occupying was in absolute shambles without him to set it back to what it was. He did not see Misato for so long and a flood of new questions came flooding out for him trying to understand what had happened in his absence.

His questions were cut short as he found the hangar bay opening in front of him and saw the Eva units from earlier. Unit-01 was situated nearby but had a red residue that dripped to the ground. He found himself wondering what he was brought here for but found himself amazed when he saw who was there to greet him.

He was not the only one who did not age and found that Rei Ayanami and Kaworu Nagisa stood across from him. There was a third one however who commanded his attention more than the others. As happy as he was to find two familiar faces, the third one left him in a stunned state he could not begin to make sense of.

Shinji regained this focus as he heard Kaworu greet, "I am happy we managed to help you Shinji." The greeting was brief however as he turned his attention to Misato, "Captain. I apologize for defying earlier orders. I was concerned for the ship."

Misato dismissed the apology, "You gave us results and we're still in one piece."

Rei added, "The pilot of Unit-02 will challenge us again."

Rei's warning made Shinji ask, "Wait, that was Asuka out there?"

Kaworu explained, "She was always susceptible to the Angels after that fateful day. We lost her."

It was only an inkling of an idea but Shinji found himself with some relief knowing what happened. There were familiar faces but needed more time than he had now. All of them were not about to be given in this moment however.

Misato turned to the third pilot ordering, "Shinobu. I need you to come with me."

The boy identified as Shinobu snapped to attention at his name accepting, "Yes Captain."

He was disappointed he couldn't say anything else but Shinji knew he would only have so much to focus on at the moment. Kaworu and Rei allowed Shinobu to part as he followed Misato and Shinji down the halls. The ship was still safe for now but preparations for battle had to be made as one individual was reintroduced to the world.

It was not until Shinji found himself sitting across from Shinobu that he realized how uncanny seeing him was. Other than the color of his eyes and the length of his hair, Shinji could have sworn he was looking at himself in a mirror. He found himself unnerved as Misato chose him as opposed to the others to assist in telling him everything that happened.

The state of the planet was not the first thing in mind however as Shinobu asked, "... Captain... Who... is he?"

Shinji clenched his hand as he heard the question and tried to keep himself from falling into silence by asking, "Miss... Misato... Is... Does he... know... us?"

Misato hesitated to say anything as she heard those questions. The sight of her being so silent revealed to Shinji how uneasy she was with everyone in the same room. While still being isolated from an explanation of the outside world, it left Shinji hoping for even just a single sign that he would begin to understand anything.

A long silence passed before Misato finally answered, "Shinji... This is Shinobu... Our son..."

Both Shinji and Shinobu widened their eyes at the revelation. It was a fact of life Shinji was forced to come to terms with when he made his choice but never had a chance to fully comprehend. It revealed to Shinobu the one who helped bring him into the world but he was face to face with a father he never imagined. Both boys were locked in a long gaze with one another as they came to the revelation of just who they were meeting for the first time.

Shinobu broke the silence asking, "M... Mom... He... It's him?"

Shinji was afraid that his reaction was matching Shinobu's as he saw his apparent son's reaction. All the proof he could ever ask for about the passage of 14 years was right in front of him but so was the culmination of his absence. There was no other time he could recall that made him feel as though the world was pressing its entire weight upon him.

Silence hung over the room again before Misato answered, "It is."

Shinobu shot up from his chair and turned away, denying, "No! It can't be! That can't be him! What happened to him in there?!"

Before Shinji could try to explain anything, Misato's lip trembled before she told Shinobu, "It happened a long time ago. We were afraid back then and..."

Breaking what sense of etiquette he was supposed to maintain, Shinobu voiced his protest by embracing his mother and proclaiming, "He can't be! What did you do to him?!"

Realizing he would continue to be the focus of the conversation, Shinji told him, "Please I... I don't want you to be scared..."

Shinobu shook his head into his mother's embrace denying, "It's not him! We were supposed to get father back!"

Her son's denial shook Misato to her core but told him, "I know he's not what you want... Everything turned out worse than I ever thought... And it's all because I was so weak..."

Seeing his son's display was enough to force Shinji to stand up and deny, "Miss Misato... No! None of it is because of you!"

Little comfort was established between anyone as Misato kept hold of Shinobu and condemned herself, "I knew this day would happen and I was supposed to stop it."

Misato describing her weakness left Shinji confused how he could counter how she described herself. It seemed right to curse the first night they had together in bed but feared it would mean decrying their son. More importantly it seemed to imply that she already knew where things were headed despite making the choices she made while they were together.

Trying to understand what she was confessing made Shinji ask, "This... day?"

Misato finally looked up to meet his eyes before asking, "You remember the day we first met, right Shinji?"

The question seemed to come out of nowhere and made him answer, "I don't... understand..."

Misato accepted the answer as she began to recall, "It happened a long time ago."

"So you've been enjoying this crazy ride the whole time?"

In their first descent into the Geofront, there was no shortage of new developments that shook his understanding of the world around him. He was more than thankful to be saved from being crushed by the Angel but not the fact it ever existed. How was humanity supposed to survive with such monsters existing?

Shinji tried to voice his grievances to Misato by telling her, "I don't get how anyone could. Why does my father even want me here anyway?"

The sort of questions Shinji had eluded Misato as she found herself answering for actions she never imagined she would have to answer for. Her beginnings at NERV were all focused on revenge against the Angels but there were only a few times she ever stopped to think about what she was placing herself in. Trying to convince him to fight for NERV was going to take more than letting the destruction around her speak for itself. Ground she hoped she had covered by sending him the provocative photo from before.

Unsure how she could answer in a hopeful way, Misato admitted, "I had my orders and I thought I would get to find out. He might have known it was going to show up for all we know."

Such a scenario made Shinji try to pry further into the scenario by asking, "If he knew them couldn't he have done something to stop it?"

Misato found herself more comfy with answering this situation, "With what these Angels want, there's no trying to get through to them. That's what he wants everybody to know anyway."

It was a satisfying answer for Misato but found that Shinji was not so easily won over as he looked down admitting, "Even after so many years he doesn't say anything directly."

Trying to keep him from falling into a state of total defeat, Misato recalled, "Sounds like him. Unless he's got a strict order he wants to get done, he never tells anybody what he's up to."

Being faced with a scenario of what he would have to live up to made Shinji hope he could find even a small fraction of hope by asking, "Have you ever seen anyone get his approval before?"

Being asked to comprehend how Gendo Ikari could see anyone as worthy of praise became a difficult scenario for Misato to make sense of. With so little detail to go off of and his unwillingness to reveal much about his past or current life, there seemed to be few people who would be able to say anything uplifting. Trying to comprehend how she could assure a son that few people knew of was a challenge she could not begin to comprehend.

Finally admitting the truth of the situation she answered, "Nothing other than a really dull "good job," or anything like that."

She knew lying about the situation would have made things worse but Misato still felt guilty for saying so as Shinji determined, "So I probably won't be any different."

Misato knew she did not have a solid foundation to assume things about Gendo but chose to hold on to what seemed reasonable by assuring Shinji, "I don't think that will be the case. He has to have a soft spot or he might as well be one of the Angels."

Still unsure about what sort of man Gendo was after all these years, Shinji still felt certain he would not be so special reasoning, "He wouldn't have wanted me to be away from him. He never even says what made him leave me in the first place."

Misato could not decide if revealing anything about her own experience with her father meant anything to him at this point. They were both about to find their way into NERV's headquarters and Shinji was already on a thin line of choosing to remain where he was or leaving. Not only could she find herself afraid of failing what was supposed to be an important mission but feared there would be more serious damage for him as well. A choice she had come to fear choosing wrong long ago.

Trying to make herself seem approachable she asked, "You remember him real well?"

Hearing the question answered was one of the few times Misato was thankful she did not seem to intrude on an area she was not welcome in as Shinji admitted, "I guess not that much. Just that he told me he'd ask for me when the time was right."

She was stuck on the subject of him trying to understand how he would earn his father's approval and it left Misato just as uncertain about Shinji. There was so much neither of them understood. One of them was unwilling to take that step to comprehending that reason while the other had a sense of desperation but was afraid of what might be demanded of him.

Misato sat back in her seat admitting, "Can't say I ever heard him say anything that directly before."

Shinji could not tell what sort of assurance he was looking for from Misato as he admitted, "I don't know what I thought would happen. I just thought he would care more than just to answer when he said so."

She had only met with him recently and Misato now understood a sense of vulnerability that came from Shinji that she feared. Any attempt on her part to keep him from wanting to run away seemed to bring her closer to empathizing with him. Approaching any further only seemed to come closer to awakening an old fear she was trying to hold back for many years.

Attempting to keep herself from falling into that pit of uncertainty any further, Misato tried to assure him by asking, "Well if it's anything you can probably still think of me as someone you can trust can't you?"

She realized how she asked such a question too early as Shinji denied, "I don't know what to think. I can't say anything about anybody if I just met them for the first time."

"Because it's not the case."

Hearing that answer made Shinji snap his head up as soon as he heard Misato reveal such a detail. It made sense for his father to keep track of what he was doing for the past number of years but hearing it from anyone else was an intimidating idea. Even more unnerving was the fact that Misato was willing to say so with complete indifference.

He tried to understand this revelation by asking, "What do you mean Miss Misato?"

Misato looked ahead and focused on the area in front of her as she realized what she revealed to him. There was no way for her to escape as her car continued to make its descent into the Geofront. She had placed herself in a corner where she had to answer everything or lose any possibility of ever having Shinji's trust again. No matter what the pain of recalling the memory would do to her.

She finally revealed her greatest fear by answering, "I really thought I wouldn't be seeing you again."

The comment left Shinji taken aback by such a claim. In his entire life up to this point he could not recall ever seeing Misato or interacting with her in any way. Why she would make this claim seemed to come out of nowhere and left him even more uncertain about NERV than he was already.

He put his confusion forward by asking, "When did you see me before?"

Misato shut her eyes while struggling to keep herself from breaking down and revealed, "You couldn't remember. It's why I left long ago."

The world was rapidly changing the day Third Impact occurred. To say nothing of the uncertain future of humanity, war was brewing in the Pacific as the dangers of resource scarcity threatened to overwhelm the immediate conditions looming. The only survivor who was in the center of such a devastating event was hopeful she could finally return home after the sessions of therapy she had gone through.

Misato Katsuragi would turn 15 years old after she was discharged to return to her mother's home. Losing her father and being around so much death made her wonder if she would ever have a sense of normalcy again but she would at least have life past such a tragedy. It would not be long before she began to comprehend the world around her on a greater scale than she already knew but at least having a place was all she could hope for now.

She opened the door to find her mother on a nearby couch greeting, "Welcome home Misato."

Misato left her shoes at the door as she greeted back, "Hi mom."

As she prepared to situate herself back in her home she realized she was not alone with her mother. There was a third occupant but not someone who had anything to announce their presence. Given its age they knew it would not even be able to speak either.

Misato pointed to the individual in question as she asked, "Uh... Who's the baby?"

Ikuko rocked the baby in her arms as she introduced, "Someone important you needed to meet."

The recent death of her father made Misato assume her mother would not be willing to find another man so soon. Such an idea was out of the grasp of her mind at the time as she assumed only the best from her. That faith she had was about to be shaken in a way she only now began to comprehend.

Misato summarized her confusion by asking, "Seriously? Did you get knocked up again?"

Keeping her focus on the baby beneath her, Ikuko explained, "It's someone we have to take care of. His parents are looking for different places to leave him. They say the world means more to them than he does."

For reasons Misato could not understand, Ikuko was being asked to adopt a baby from parents who did not have the intention to raise one. Even with her recent loss of her husband she was willing to take on helping another younger life in this collapsing world she lived in. It not only seemed like the wrong thing to do so soon after her father's death but seemed counter to her mother's interests as well.

Misato voiced her protest to the idea by asking, "Why did they have a baby if they can't take care of it?"

Ikuko kept her gaze on the baby as she explained, "Everyone has to take on some sort of responsibility don't they? This is just what they thought would be their most important. It was that way until everything happened recently."

Seeing her mother remain in a state of resignation to what she was taking on made it a challenge for Misato to keep herself from throwing a tantrum. In spite of everything that happened she believed her mother would be the one to give her undivided attention after living through such devastation. Being thrust such a responsibility on her felt like a mighty insult after what she had gone through.

She made another to assert her importance by asking, "Well we don't matter to them, why should we care back?"

Ikuko could tell her daughter was becoming more uneasy with the revelation being placed upon her but remained focused on the baby while explaining, "Now now Misato. It's what he needs. He's just a baby and needs to be cared for just like you did."

Any restraint Misato had left was lost as she threw herself to the ground and cursed, "Why did you take him? You can't take care of him!"

The baby let out a small wail at the sudden noise but Ikuko told her daughter over the noise, "Misato, this is a human life. Taking care of him is going to matter to you as much as he will to me."

Even after hearing the baby voice its protest against the loud noises disturbing it, Misato remained persistent in her fear of what was presented, "But I can't take care of a baby!"

Ikuko remained committed, warning, "You can and you will. It's the least you can do to fulfill your role as a woman."

This enraged Misato enough to make her ask, "What about me? I don't care about it and I don't want it!"

The two were left in silence with only the baby making any noise. Misato was still on the floor overwhelmed by the grief she was feeling but found her mother committed to her decision. It made no sense and she felt her importance as an individual shrink the more she was left to consider what she would become.

Ikuko finally spoke by warning, "And if you keep acting that way, you won't ever find happiness. I had to long ago and I chose to be happy instead. You have to be like me if you are going to have a life at all."

Still planted on the ground and in despair, Misato continued to protest, "I don't understand why you're doing this mom... He doesn't mean anything and I don't want to take care of someone else..."

"It's something we all have to do one day, Misato. And if you don't accept it, you'll never be able to make others happy."

"I don't care about him though. I just want you to take care of me mom, why do I have to worry about a baby who doesn't even mean anything to me?"

Ikuko saw the baby stir in her arms as she turned her attention to it but answered, "Because he will be one day."

Those words were all Misato needed to hear. She had no idea what household he came from but the baby boy in the arms of her mother was chosen as the one who would become a lifelong commitment. If she were to remain the household she lived in, it would be the one thing she could never say no to.

Hoping she was the subject of a cruel joke, Misato pointed to the baby before asking, "Mom... You're saying I'm..."

Ikuko continued to smile as she confirmed the arrangement for her daughter, "That's right Misato. This is Shinji. Your future husband."

A/N: Quite a bit to chew on this chapter. I really don't know how to describe what's happening without spoilers so I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't divulge. Probably even more awkward considering the flashbacks that were introduced and I was already working on the idea that everyone was reading this as an alternate continuation from Episode 21. Ideally it might be another chapter or two before things actually make some semblance of sense.

For the opening scene, Shinji basically is with WILLE now. I just didn't feel the need to go into dissecting all the other details and side characters. Him meeting his son was also a fanfic idea I came up with back when Evangelion 3.0 came out back in the day though I couldn't quite find a way to flesh it out into a story.

So what do you think? Are you still compelled to see where these additions are going to go or do you think I'm gilding the lily at this point? Whatever you think, I hope the answers you receive are satisfactory and feel immediately answered. Starting now, you can expect a more frequent update rate since there are some chapters I expect will leave people more anxious and/or curious. So instead of the usual two weeks, it's pretty much going to be whenever I can get the next one ready. I hope to hear from you all and hope to see you in the next series of updates.