Chapter 98

Unexpected, but not Unwelcome

What Crouch had told Lily and Ginny remained at the forefront of their minds, especially when they had meetings with the Order of the Dragon. They hadn't said anything to any of the group, because they weren't sure how to explain it. All Lily knew was that she might have to say goodbye to the closest thing to a grandfather she'd ever had.

How could such a thing have happened to Dumbledore? He was always so powerful and full of life, and yet… could it really be the case? Could he be close to death?

Being distracted was not a good thing, especially with the amount of studying Lily needed to be doing, so she had to force herself to remain calm and ignorant of what she and Ginny had learnt. Ginny was also doing the same; they both wanted to speak to Dumbledore, but how could they approach the subject?

Christmas was fast approaching, and so far, the year was mostly going by calmly, without any other danger showing itself. Lily knew that had to be what Uncle Sirius would call the 'calm before the storm' which she knew couldn't last forever.

Lily spent as much time as she could with Ginny, and though they had wanted to speak to Professor Dumbledore, he was hardly around. Where was he? Was he finding more about the potential Horcrux's that Crouch had mentioned? Lily had given Hermione the book as soon as she'd gotten to the dorms and passed on Crouch's message.

Naturally, Hermione had begun to study everything in great detail, not explaining anything as Crouch had requested, but from what Lily could see, her studies were making Hermione feel… uneasy.

As December arrived, with snow covering the grounds of Hogwarts, Lily enjoyed spending time with her friends, making sure they were having as much fun as they could, including building snowmen. There were times when Lily and Ginny found a quiet part of the grounds, and created a small fire, sitting in front of it, cuddling up and enjoying the warmth.

"Do you really think…" Ginny began, as they sat alone, looking at the flames.

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it, but…" Lily said softly.

"But we might have to," Ginny finished, nodding. "I don't even know what to think. How are we supposed to keep this a secret from everyone?"

"I don't know, but we need to, for now," Lily replied, her fingers intertwined with Ginny's as they heard the crackling of the fire. It was keeping them warm as they sat behind the castle, hidden from practically everyone.

"I was hoping we'd also find something about who attacked Katie, but that's drawn a blank as well," Ginny said, sighing softly. "I feel like things are getting darker."

"They are," Lily replied. "But what can we do? We're training with the Order of the Dragon, we're learning new spells from Crouch, and from the Minister, and we know Voldemort is attacking people, and managing to get to people who are meant to be safe. We need to do something. I need to do something."

"Like what? Is there anything we can do at the moment?" Ginny asked.

"Not that I can think of," Lily admitted. She stopped as she heard a gentle noise nearby, the sound of snow crunching under someone's boots. "Someone's coming," Lily whispered. She and Ginny both stood up and were surprised to see Draco and Pansy coming into view.

"Sorry, we're not disturbing you, are we?" Draco asked.

"No, we were just talking," Lily replied. "You're welcome to sit by the fire with us. I know we could be in the common room, but there's something nice about sitting around a fire outside."

"Thank you," Pansy said, with a small smile as she and Draco sat down. Lily and Ginny did the same thing.

"I know what you're thinking," Draco said. "This isn't exactly something either of us would ever have expected."

"You're not wrong," Lily agreed. "To be honest, if things were… well, like previous years, I'd have thought of you as being behind the attack on Katie."

"Once, I probably would have been," Draco admitted, with a sigh as he held Pansy's hand. "Now, I just… I don't even know what to think most days."

"It's not something you'll be able to recover from easily," Lily said sadly. "What you've been through is something no one should have to go through. But you've done a lot to help us, and we all appreciate that."

"You're welcome," Draco replied, meeting her gaze. Lily could see the pain in his eyes, and she could also tell he was pushing himself to remain nice to her and Ginny. "I spoke to Professor McGonagall earlier; I'm now earning points for Gryffindor," Draco said. Lily's eyes widened, and a quick glace told Lily that Ginny was just as surprised. "Thank Crabbe and Goyle. The two idiots decided to try and attack me, calling me a traitor. They sent a curse at me, so I shielded myself and it bounced back at them."

"Oh, I wish I could have seen that," Lily chuckled.

"It was funny," Pansy admitted. "We both agreed that we didn't want anything more to do with Slytherin. For now, we're still in our solo dorm area, but we decided to donate all our points to Gryffindor."

"That means a lot. Thank you," Lily told them. They all looked at the flames in silence for what felt like hours but was only a couple of minutes.

"I'm sorry," Draco said, his eyes still on the flames. "For all the times I've tried to attack you and belittle you."

Lily wasn't entirely sure how to react to this new Draco, but she found herself liking the change, although she didn't like the circumstances, for obvious reasons.

"Thank you, Draco," Lily said, with a small smile. "And I'm sorry, for the times I retaliated or acted against you. I could have done things differently."

"I didn't make it easy," Draco pointed out. "But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. After living at yours and your uncle's spare house, I asked myself a lot of questions, but most of all, I wanted to know why so many people were willing to die to protect you, why they were always there for you. I thought Crabbe and Goyle were my friends, but they ditched me the second I needed them. Now, they're hanging out with Zabini, and trying all kinds of things against anyone not in Slytherin."

Lily sighed and looked at him. "I wish I could explain it properly, but all I know is that I never wanted anyone to die for me. The others… well, Ron, Hermione, Parvati, Lavender, Padma… I guess we've been through so much, they don't even hesitate to help me if I need it, especially when I try and do something alone," Lily said.

"And that's what friendship really is, right?" Pansy asked. "I spent so long hating all of you, because I thought you liked to lord it over everyone, how 'special' you are, and I don't mean that in a bad way, but I used to. Now, I see that your gift is how much you care. I want the best for Draco, and for myself. I don't want to hate anymore."

"It's easy to hate," Ginny said, with a small smile. "It's simpler because it means you don't need to try; you don't need to do anything. You can ignore someone's plight, you can attack, you can assault and harass, but you don't need to care, not even a little bit. My dad taught me that."

"You're not wrong," Pansy agreed. "If I'm honest, a part of me still feels… disgusted, sitting here with you like we were the best of friends."

Lily looked at Pansy and nodded in understanding. "If it was as easy to stop hating as it is to start, maybe the world would be better off," Lily said, with a small smile.

"I'll give you one thing, Pot… Lily," Draco said, clearly catching himself. "You're more philosophical than I ever thought possible."

"Thank Uncle Sirius for that. He raised me studying philosophy, telling me that it would be important to learn. He never told me why, but he always said that if you can understand a person, then you can learn to overcome them. When I learnt all about Voldemort, his lessons made sense," Lily explained, as Ginny handed her a small flask, with her name on it, and a heart etched on it, with the words 'From Ginny, with love' in the heart.

Lily accepted the flask with a smile, and opened it, drinking what was inside. As soon as she drained it, she closed the lid, with a small, clear part of the flask showing it magically refilling itself.

"What's that?" Pansy asked.

"My hormone treatment," Lily replied. "It's a potion I have to take twice daily, to keep my body from producing any testosterone, and allowing it to produce estrogen. Ginny worked with Professor Moody to get this flask, which is enchanted to keep reproducing the potion once I've had each dose," she explained.

"How long do you need to take that for?" Pansy asked, her voice betraying her curiosity.

"Until a way is found for my transition to be fully completed, every day for the rest of my life," Lily replied. "I'm lucky that I have this; there's a lot of muggles who are stopped from getting hormone treatment. If I wasn't a witch, I wouldn't be looking like this, I'd still be trying to get medication and puberty blockers, or whatever else the muggles use."

"Why?" Draco asked, frowning.

"Some people are stopped by their parents, others are bullied, harassed, and even murdered, just for trying to be themselves," Lily said sadly, looking at the fire. "The world is darker than we know, and it hurts."

"I'm sorry," Draco said, and Lily felt surprised to see a tear in his eye. "I never thought of how it would hurt you, I just saw a chance to attack, and I used it. If things had been different, maybe I wouldn't care now, but… I do care," Draco told Lily softly. "I wouldn't even know how to have explained any of this to my parents, if I were in your shoes. As much as I loved them, they would have struggled to know what to do. They loved me, but they wouldn't have accepted that about me."

"Or they might have seen it as important to you and helped you however they could. As much as I hated your parents, for multiple reasons, they did love you. You knew their love, and they were willing to give you anything you asked for, but I'm guessing that you had to earn it?" Lily asked. Draco nodded.

"Father would often quiz me on certain historical events, or magical potions, or spells. He wasn't pleased when he learnt that Granger… that Hermione… did better than me, and pushed me harder, but he still reminded me how he loved me," Draco explained.

"And for all of the darkness within them, they had their light; you," Ginny said, smiling at Draco. "I know this isn't easy. There's a voice in my head reminding me of how you bullied Lily, and hurt her emotionally and mentally, but at the same time, I don't want to hate, because I know some of what you're going though."

"Have you ever felt… angry… at your father, for choosing to sacrifice himself?" Pansy asked softly.

Lily looked at Ginny, and she could see how Ginny felt. She nodded softly and looked at Draco and Pansy.

"Sometimes, I think he could have found another way to protect Lily or cast a spell to push Lily out of the way. I spent nights so angry at him, and if it wasn't for Lily, I would have hurt myself in my anger," Ginny explained. She sighed softly. "But the more I looked at Lily's memories of that night, and my own, I know he acted quickly, and just did what he knew was right. He had faith in Lily and knew how important she was. In less than a second, he decided she was worth dying for, worth sacrificing himself to protect her, the same way Cornelius Fudge did."

"I spent so long angry as well," Lily added, as she wrapped her arms around Ginny, hugging her gently. Lily saw Pansy take Ginny's hand in a caring manner, smiling softly at her. "I didn't think I was worth dying for. I still wish people hadn't ever had to die for me, because dying… we don't know what happens when we die, but to be ripped from your loved ones before your time… it isn't fair."

"It never is," Draco agreed. It was only then that Lily had noticed the sun had already set, yet there the four of them were, still just talking. "I thought I was the one who would lead the school and do everything. Then I saw you stand up against Umbridge, and immediately the whole school, other than the Slytherin's, stood by you. You inspired them with your words, so I spent the evening questioning everything with Pansy. Then I got the news about my parents, and my world was destroyed."

"Because of Voldemort, and Bellatrix," Lily summarised. "Because the hate they felt, and the anger. I almost gave in to my anger and was ready to torture Bellatrix for what she had done, not just to Ginny's dad, but to your parents. Your father even told me he would tell Voldemort how I acted with honour and decency. Hell, I suspect he might have even started to question Voldemort, but he wasn't given a chance. But he acted with honour and courage. I couldn't help but respect him in that moment," Lily told Draco.

She had considered that moment for so long, remembering what Lucius Malfoy had said to her, how he had shown her respect, and even told her to leave. He had been decent and was going to stand by his word.

"If our positions had been reversed, Draco, I think he'd have sacrificed himself for you without a second thought," Lily concluded. She saw tears in his eyes as he nodded.

"He would have, and I wouldn't have wanted him to. I'd have told him to find a different way, but sometimes, there isn't a different way, is there?" Draco asked.

"No, sometimes there isn't," Lily agreed. "Sometimes, there's only one path, and we have to take it, no matter the outcome."

"What happens now?" Pansy asked. "Us… all of us… are we… friends now?"

"I think we're on the path for friendship," Lily agreed.

"But we don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Ginny added, practically finishing Lily's sentence for her. "You can't rush anything; only you know what you feel inside."

"Right now, I'm thankful that you're both here," Draco said, with a small smile. "I'm glad I'm able to talk to you."

"Likewise," Lily said, as she saw a small picnic hamper appear behind them. There was a small image of a dog on the basket, causing Lily to roll her eyes.

"Where did that come from? Is someone watching us?" Pansy asked, looking around.

"My Uncle, Sirius," Lily replied. "He's often watching when I'm in the grounds, I suspect, and that's just dinner. It's… actually not too cold out there."

"No, I wouldn't mind having a picnic here," Draco smiled, as he opened the hamper, pulling out multiple trays of sandwiches, pastries, drinks, and sweets.

As the group began to enjoy the food, talking about things like Quidditch, Lily found that the year was definitely going against anything she could have expected. Never in her wildest dreams would she have expected to sit down with Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson, having a night picnic, and being friendly with one another, and yet here she was. It was definitely unexpected, but also not unwelcome.

She found she was enjoying the idea of being friends with Draco; they were practically cousins, something she knew just a year earlier would have made her feel physically sick, and yet, here they were, laughing over food and talking about Quidditch mishaps. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for a bright future after all.