A/N: All right!

I may not have mentioned this before, but I think it deserves a mention. The end notes, if I finish the chapter before Sunday, are sometimes written in advance. They are definitely written in advance if I have an omake on that chapter. These beginning notes, though, are never written in advance. They are always written on Sunday morning, just before I re-read the chapter and post it.

The weekly torture sessions have mostly ended! Hooray! Art class is over!

I don't mean to say anything bad about art class, but the professor had us doing a complete work every week, which it turns out is slightly too much for me to handle. I was getting seriously burnt out, and didn't even finish my things for the past few weeks. I'll have to give myself one last push to finish my final project so it doesn't fail, but aside from that, I'm clear. Tomorrow will be the first Monday in the past many where I won't be feeling drained and useless just at the thought of sitting down and drawing something. It seems my love of drawing will come out of this intact (thank the gods).

Although, reaching my limit in art did help me make a personal breakthrough in my journal last Monday. I have a journal where I write a dialogue between me and the very characters I have (and will have) in this story, and they're so supportive and helpful. Last Monday, I learned how to give myself permission to fail at something. That's really hard to do, okay?! It's been months and I only just learned how to do that! (For anyone interested in learning how to get along better with themselves, I recommend making some personal advances by conversing with yourself. Then, when you get a feeling that you're ready, watch Moana. Getting such a feeling may require watching Moana first, just so you know what it is that you might be ready to respond to.)

Now who's up for some more philosophical thinking? I know I always am!

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Konan

Who am I?

Konan studied her own face in the mirror behind the couch. It was a stern face, well suited to being a teacher or guide. It was decorous, not too open and not too closed, she thought. She tried to smile, a normal, small, polite smile. The face in the mirror looked pleasant enough with that expression on. It might belong to a teacher. A guide. A companion, or friend, or sister.

But that was not enough. Konan looked closer, narrowing her eyes in an effort to see more clearly. Those were all outer qualities. What hid inside? Who, exactly, could someone be friends with?

She could see nothing. Perhaps the outer face was all she was. It was true that she changed depending on who she was talking to. It was possible that how a person acted was all they were, and there was nothing more. This thought made the face in the mirror look more stern than before, disapproving. If that was the case, it would not feel like there was a shark inside my body with me, or a storm. If that was the case, I could understand my actions. But I do not, and I don't feel like I'm alone in here. Something else influences my actions, something unrelated to the environment I am in. I must have parts of myself that do not have to do with other people in order for that to be true. So then, what parts are they? Who are you?

Konan felt a flare of envy as she peered into her own eyes. Hidan's troubles were visible. Hidan could be understood by merely looking at what color his eyes were. What he was going through could be known, whereas Konan saw nothing at all. Her own eyes did not change color, did not spark, did not do anything to reveal her inner state. That was why she found herself suddenly envious of Hidan, jinchuurikis, and anyone else who had such easily decipherable eyes.

Perhaps I could take a closer look. If she mastered the strange art of separating from her body and turning inside it, perhaps she could peer into her own soul. What? Of course not. Why did I think of such a thing? It's far too dangerous. Konan disregarded that idea. She wasn't about to find out the hard way that this unusual ability, which she had so far only used in extreme circumstances, could kill her if used improperly.

"There something going on over here?" Hidan peered over the back of the couch, looking irritated, as if he wanted to claw at someone. He looked just like his original.

"Envy," Konan replied. "Is that causing trouble for you?"

Hidan looked to the side. "I was just suddenly mad at Moonlight because he at least gets to remember his family, and I wanted to know if it was real or not. Guess not."

"I object to that phrasing," Nagato said from the other side of the couch. "I don't think that's how your power works. It doesn't change the fabric of reality to make things less real somehow."

"But I'm not mad at you. I like you!" Hidan disappeared over the edge of the couch, trying to explain what he meant by real and not-real. Konan concentrated all her attention on not listening in. She listened to her own thoughts instead.

Is it true? Can they grieve the same way I do? It was a good change of topic, and a worthy question. The way that I grieve is…like a hallucination, perhaps. When he looks like his original, I briefly see his original, but the image fades. And sometimes, when I go over my memories, it is like I can hear the fading traces of words I remember, or laughter. I can almost hear it, almost see it, almost feel it, but at the same time I am aware that these visions do not really exist. Even when I see it, it looks insubstantial, like how a ghost feels. I can feel the lack of things in my very skin.

So they can't possibly grieve the same way I do. They have no memories to derive visions from, so they should not be able to almost-see these ghosts, like I do. But this was a strange world, and they were strange people, and it was a fact that Konan did not know how their memories worked. She had not forgotten Itachi's stating that his false memories came back after he had come into existence, so who knew what the hell was in control of this process. The word 'should' carried no weight. She 'should' just ask, and they would tell her. It was an increasingly convenient trait for them to have. They would suffer for it in my world, but their openness and ability to share everything they know is a virtue here. Thank the gods they live here and not in my world.

Konan stood up from behind the couch and came around. Hidan and Nagato were no longer talking; they were both absorbed in looking at Hidan's scythe. Nagato shrugged. "I can't. My eyes don't actually have any vision-related powers, which I only just now realized is weird. But anyway, we should get Itachi in here. Maybe he would see something."

"A Byakugan user would be better," Konan told them. "That is a third kind of special eye that people from my world can have. Its powers are the ability to see chakra, chakra systems, to see through objects, and all at great distances in a complete circle around the user. It is the most visual of the hereditary eyes. Unfortunately, nobody in this group has a Byakugan, or knows anybody who does."

Hidan looked sharply at Nagato. "Keep track of that, 'cause you're better at remembering shit than I am. We need to find other people because maybe one of them can look at my thing and see what's going on with it."

Nagato nodded. "Why don't my eyes have any visual powers?" he asked Konan. "They're eyes, so it's a little strange that they have every power except the ability to see."

"Remember, you have the ability to split your vision among six other bodies, and see with 7 different viewpoints," Konan reminded him. Nagato winced and looked like he wanted to object, but couldn't figure out how to.

Hidan rubbed his chin and looked at the rings in Nagato's visible eye. "It's still weird that they aren't any better at what they do. Sure they can do more seeing, but they don't see any better. They should be better at what they do if they're all enhanced and shit. What do eyes do?"

"Eyes reveal souls."

Hidan and Nagato opened their mouths, paused, looked up, and closed their mouths in unison. They get along so much better than Original Hidan did with him. Hidan was always clumsy and too aggressive for comfort. I hope these two make it work. They both seemed to have acted this way for the same reason, too. Hidan said something about just having dreamed that, and Nagato nodded as if to say, Of course, of course. They should have realized.

"I guess splitting myself up is kind of like manipulating my soul," Nagato said, "and I can do something else with other people's souls, right? There's no problem then. My eyes actually are a lot better at what they do than normal eyes, if you use a certain definition of 'what they do.'"

Konan would have wrinkled her brow if she was more expressive, but she did not. Damn. We're talking in parallel: the same topic, but in a way that won't naturally intersect. This is a very frustrating way to be talking. It would be rude to force an intersection, too, so there's little I can do.

Hidan grunted. "Yeah, that makes sense."

"Why the grunt?" Nagato asked. "Does something not make sense?"

"Nah. It just kind of sucks to have such an interesting question over with so quickly. I'm starting to like all the cool shit we find out every day," Hidan whined.

"You're insane," Sasori piped up from several feet away. Hidan shot him a raised middle finger. Deidara objected, asking Sasori if he had even been listening to all the cool things Dei had just been talking about. Did he not think they were interesting? Sasori lowered his voice to make some kind of excuse, and the moment was over.

"Is that normal?" Konan asked.

"What is?"

"To interrupt a conversation he was not a part of."

"Not exactly," Nagato answered. "It's different because we're involved with him. It would be rude for someone we were completely unrelated to to suddenly join our group, but he's already partially in, so it's acceptable here."

That's right; they have different standards of rude. Could I force an intersection then?

"To get back to our earlier topic, about eyes revealing souls," Konan began. "I thought of that immediately because I wished to ask about it."

"Souls are fun shit!" Hidan chirped. "Interesting news?"

"Technically, yes, a new thought." Konan paused to compose exactly what she wanted to say in her head before saying it. "Hidan, you say that you miss your original. How do you miss him? What does it feel like? Explain it as if you were trying to explain what grief feels like when you detect it with your powers."

"Um...gonna need a sec." Hidan gave up the portion of his scythe that he held, letting Nagato hold all of it, and curled up with his arms wrapped around his knees. "I guess, when I've had it happen before, like when it strikes me and is really obvious, it's like...something happens to me? When we were walking into town, before I got my cloak, it happened." Hidan unwrapped one arm so that he could feel his chest with his hand. "I said something, I think, and it was like hearing something. Like a little *ding*, like a bell, and I suddenly remembered everything you said about Other Me really fast, and… Frustration, like, like when you want to know but they won't tell you." Hidan growled. "It feels different now, though. That was a while ago. Now, I wonder about him sometimes, and I picture stuff in my head, like us chasing each other. Little scenes like a movie has. The same things still happen now, except that some of those scenes come up with the rush of memories, and I get a lot more frustrated 'cause now I really do have an actual, solid question to ask."

"Could those scenes ever happen?" Nagato asked.

"Yeah. That's the one." Hidan growled some more.

Nagato patted him on the shoulder. "I kind of miss Other Me too," he said. "For me, it feels like… Actually, it's a lot like what Hidan just described. It feels just like asking a question and not getting an answer. I just hear the echoes of my question, fading away. Emptiness." By the time Nagato finished speaking, he was staring directly at Hidan, unable to look away. Konan remembered how disturbed he had been after meeting Hidan, or whoever, on the hill a few nights ago. She understood now why he would be so disturbed, when all Hidan did in that condition was lie back and let the rest of the world work as it was meant to. That must be just the kind of emptiness he meant.

She took a deep breath. "I wished to know because I wondered about your grief." Briefly, Konan feared something like the massive breaking down of her strength and respectability that had happened at the funeral. No! I must be in control now. We're in the base of another organization, so it is especially important. "It is my world; I have some grief of my own." Excellent. I detect no loss of control. "I wanted to know if it was the same."

"We don't have any memories," Nagato said. "It can't be."

"No, it seems to be the same." Konan shook her head. "I expected it would not be, but it is. If something reminds me of the past, it feels like what Nagato describes. I briefly hear or see a vision of the past, but even as I see it I know it's not real. I can feel the emptiness in it. Echoes are the perfect analogy." The core of her body felt warm, as did her arms and back. Her chakra system was hot. If she kept engaging with pain, it would start to burn. Hidan rubbed his arm without noticing.

"Feeling emptiness," Nagato repeated. His eyes misted over. "That makes sense."

Hidan rubbed his arm again, scratching as if to drive away an itch. "That explains how I can miss something that never happened. It's because I know it didn't happen. Fuck, that explains a lot. People are always wondering how they can miss somewhere they've never been and things that never happened and shit. It's all the same feeling!"

Konan winced. Her wrists burned as if bound. She worked her wrists back and forth, which only made them itch and burn more under the press of an imaginary rope. "Yes. It is all the same recognition that something is gone." She needed to stop. Get away! She was already smelling blood. "Good. Well then…" Some fresh air would clear my head. She stood up. No; Yahiko went outside, and he's still there. And if he was outside where she couldn't see him, who knew what could be slicing into his soft, vulnerable… I must check on him!

Nagato, once again, stayed right where he was while she left. This time, it was to ask Hidan why he was wincing. "Ah, fuck," Hidan said while continuing to wince. "You know how we were just talking about things missing? It's the opposite all of a sudden. There's something here and it shouldn't be!"

He yelled loudly. Every other person in the room looked at him, except for Sasori. Sasori remembered too well the visions of bicycles and gears that he had needed time to banish after leaving the shop. He knew exactly what Hidan was talking about. In his case, the visions had disappeared after time and distraction, because his were only caused by over-focus. Sasori looked around for comfort food. What besides over-focus could cause the past to linger? Some options came to mind, and none of them were solvable. Deidara rubbed at his throat and tried not to think of spiders.

Itachi

I worry about him.

Yahiko was concentrating hard at feeling the air. He seemed to have assigned himself this exercise as a form of training. Itachi wondered about that. Why is his way of self-improving so authoritative? It would be better not to order himself around as if he was a disobedient child that could not be trusted. Itachi closed his eyes and looked away. No; I am being too hasty. I don't know his inner thoughts. Perhaps self discipline is what he needs. Itachi just didn't have the sense that discipline was what Yahiko was suited for, either giving or receiving. He was not psychic, so it would not be wise to say out loud, but his sustained impression was that Yahiko was far better at nurturing.

Yahiko opened his eyes and brought his hand back. "Okay, maybe now I can see it," he whispered. "How is my current relationship with the world?" He held his hand in front of his face and looked at it.

Itachi stayed silent. That was not his place to speak. He only listened to Yahiko as the orange-haired man whispered, absorbing his words in order to figure out what they meant. "I'd like to be like Nagato," Yahiko thought aloud. "His view of the world is...closer than mine is. He can see into the close future, into what plans we need to have. So I should try to have closer relations, more immediate ones." He paused for a while. "And I should...have a more realistic view? The kind that wouldn't get me in danger? She worries about me." Yahiko bit his lip. "Um, Itachi? Something doesn't feel right here."

"When did the not-right feeling appear?" Itachi asked.

"I don't think it did? It's just been getting stronger," Yahiko reported.

Uh oh. "Think longer," Itachi instructed. He paused briefly to keep worry from creeping into his voice. "Longer into the past, to before this conversation, this night, to any time you wish. When did the not-right feeling appear?"

Yahiko wrinkled his brow. What on earth? "Um… I don't really remember any exact moment where I thought, 'This wrong feeling suddenly appeared,' if that's what you're asking about." He placed his hands on the step for stability. "But wait, it must have. At some point, right? I don't remember."

Itachi tried to stop himself, but failed. "Do you always feel as though something, somewhere, is wrong?"

Yahiko turned red, and thanked the darkness for hiding it. He briefly wondered how soon the party was going to break up, because he wanted to go back and use Transformation Jutsu and look in the mirror at himself all of a sudden. He did not know why. "Yep." His voice didn't squeak too much, hopefully.

This is dangerous. I might be pushing him too far. Be careful! Itachi took a deep breath and allowed a few seconds to pass. He hoped it would soften the impact. "Do you know where?"

Yahiko scratched his head more roughly than he would have liked. "Yep." His voice definitely squeaked.

"That may be where you need to look," Itachi whispered, before turning away. "Good luck."

Yahiko had just enough bravery left to ask more. But before he could do so, the air changed. He knew that change. Itachi looked toward the door, Sharingan activated. They both knew that change. It set their hearts pounding.

The door opened, with much less force than they would have expected based on the feeling in the air. Itachi instantly realized She controls her actions as well as I do. Konan evidently did not control her chakra as well. She closed the door gently, but Itachi and Yahiko winced at the small sound. This must be exactly what he means by a feeling that something is wrong! The air felt tense, disoriented. It also felt spicy, with a mild tingling burning feeling in it.

"What's wrong?" Yahiko asked.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes."

She paused, and the air regained some feeling of order. "That is good."

Yahiko summoned up the courage he had been about to spend on Itachi, and spent it asking her instead. "Why did you ask? What could have been wrong?"

Silence. Itachi waited in the darkness to hear her answer. I do not know why she acts as she does, and I need to. My knowledge is sorely lacking. They waited.

A slight shift in the air told them she would answer. "You," she said.

Itachi's mouth fell open. What? Does she mean to say Yahiko himself could be wrong? That was such a cruel thing to say about anyone. Itachi couldn't imagine saying such a thing about his worst enemy. And everything she had done, saving Yahiko from the succubus, it didn't make sense. Why would she say such a horrible thing? There was no sense to be found anywhere. Itachi felt sympathetically hurt, and angry, and a host of other feelings that were so foreign he did not recognize them at first. How could she be so cruel?

Yahiko sniffled, and looked away. He was not angry. He did not think of being angry. He quietly muttered, "Yeah, I know. But where?"

Itachi's mouth fell further open. What? The constant wrongness… He turned to stare at Yahiko. Does he believe it is himself that is wrong? That is cruel. It is horrible mistreatment of himself. How could he say something so cruel?

"I don't know," Konan replied. "I only saw it revealed shortly before your original died." The air tightened and sharpened. They started to sweat. "I don't know where it came from. All I know is that it must have originally been buried very, very deeply. I knew nothing before then." She silently thanked the darkness for hiding the paper claws she couldn't stop herself from forming.

"I can't see either," Yahiko said quickly. "I...I can't. What do I do?" Itachi all but heard the words, Help me, in that plea. Yes, this is definitely it. This is definitely what it feels like to know that something is wrong. It's worse than I thought!

"I don't know." Konan tried to keep herself from snapping. It wasn't his fault. "How can you fight an enemy you can't see?"

Yahiko sniffled again. He was crying. He tried to muffle the sobbing in his sleeve. Why was he so helpless? So unable to do anything? And if Itachi was right, that meant he couldn't help anyone else, either. That would require a sense of control and intention, which he didn't have. He was supposed to, so why didn't he? He really was nothing at all like Nagato. He could never aspire to be like Nagato, even though Nagato was a lot like what he wanted to be. Yahiko was far too aware that he was not muffling himself enough. It made him cry harder. He had pretty much his whole sleeve in his mouth, so why wasn't it enough?

Konan breezed forward, passing between the two of them. "It is late. We ought to go home." A flare of pain lit up the air as soon as she said home. Itachi latched onto that, because he could understand that. He could not understand anything else. Why was she being cruel to Yahiko? Why was Yahiko being cruel to himself? Why were they teaming up to attack Itachi's friend? And how could he get them to stop it? Itachi wanted to snap, Stop it! But Konan's question was a damn good one, and Itachi couldn't see where the enemy was, either. What the hell was happening?

Yahiko was still crying, and the pained feeling hadn't gone away. Itachi knew where it was coming from now. "Do you want to?" he asked.

"Mhm." Yahiko wanted to look at himself in the mirror more than ever.

"I'll tell the others that, ah, we made plans for tomorrow and need sleep. Helping you contact spirits. Yes." Yahiko agreed to this. Itachi opened the door very slightly, just enough to stick his head in and block their view of Yahiko with his body. "It is late. We were considering going back to get sleep," he said.

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan snatched his scythe back from Nagato. "Not in the mood anymore!" Sakumo met Itachi's eyes and silently asked, What is going on? Itachi shook his head. It was conceivably possible he knew less than the half-wolf did. Itachi did not know how much Sakumo knew.

"I'll get Kisame," Kakuzu said. "Nice party while it lasted."

"Yeah, about as well as a gathering of all of us usually goes, hm," Deidara said.

"Ah…" Sakumo's mouth hung open. "R-really?"

"Konan reacting poorly for reasons unknown, Hidan overwhelmed, the rest of us uncomfortable," Nagato listed. "Yeah, about normal. Except for Same having a nightmare; that's new."

Sakumo turned red, and sheepishly looked down. "Why are you all in a group?" he asked, almost cringing. "You -" he addressed Hidan "- said this was like your family. This is not like any family I've ever seen. It doesn't seem to make any of you happy."

Nobody could answer him.

Kakuzu returned with Kisame, who seemed angry at everything and nothing, and that was the cue to leave. Itachi backed out as soon as Kisame appeared to let Yahiko know the others were coming as well. Yahiko had stopped crying, and asked if his eyes were red. Itachi assured him it was too dark to tell.

There was more light in the center of the grounds than there had been before. Itachi's heart skipped several beats, and he ran ahead to clear the way. There was a fair amount of people in the center area. Itachi took all of the sudden upset of his world, the anger, the not-rightness, and put it in his chakra before flaring it. The annoying interlopers - No, they are people. Remember to be civil - retreated. Nobody remained nearby by the time everyone else came around the corner.

The Akatsuki members were all silent, except for quiet shuffling. Still nobody had an answer to Sakumo's question. But just before anyone could close their car doors, when everyone could still hear, Sasori attempted an answer. "We bring up the worst in each other," he said.

It was not a complete answer, but it was one. Itachi tightened his grip on the car door. That is a very pessimistic thing to say. If we believe that, bad things will happen. We will not be able to stay together. But as much as he wanted to believe otherwise, he could not lie to himself. It was truth.

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A/N: Does that have to be a bad thing?