A/N: Hee hee. Hahaha. Yaaaaaayyyyy! HAHAHAHA!

I am vibrating in my seat right now. There is a reason this chapter has an exclamation mark. Multiple reasons. Yes. Ha ha!

Eeeeeeeeee

Finally, some love for an underappreciated character who, quite frankly, has yet to get any spotlight in my story. Sorry! I've admittedly been focusing on everyone else a lot more. Don't think he hasn't noticed.

Who's here to have some fuuuunnnn?

.

Deidara

"This place is top to bottom creepy, yeah."

Now that he knew what they were, Deidara could not help but look at the bicycles a little sideways. The 3 spiders using them as an obstacle course didn't help. He shivered.

"I don't see them any differently," Laurie said. She squinted her eyes, trying to see the bicycles the same way he did, leaning forward until she was at the edge of falling off of the former manager's desk. "I don't. They were there before, and they're here now, and they aren't acting differently or anything. I think I feel a little more sympathetic towards them." She pressed a hand against her heart, and frowned. "That's it though."

Deidara was aware of his heart beating more strongly than usual. "Yeah, well…" He followed Stitchy's movements with his eyes, and tried to make the spider carefully step from side to side like a crab. "I'm used to things that don't look dangerous being dangerous, I think." Stitchy's legs moved too clumsily to pull it off.

"I've been told I'm too trusting," Laurie murmured sadly.

"You aren't!" Deidara elbowed her. "You're probably better than most of us, hm. Hidan trusts everything, and he's having all the fun with barely any of the fears from everything that's been happening, yeah. I think that's the right way to go."

Laurie's lips quirked upwards. "Too trusting for the real world, but just trusting enough for a crazy fantasy one?"

Deidara took a moment to think. "Yeah. Don't fantasy stories always involve the heroes just having to trust in fate or destiny or magic? That's how they work, yeah."

"But I have to look out for myself, too," Laurie said. Her brows furrowed. "I can't expect everything to just be okay, as if by magic."

Deidara grunted. Damn… She's right: how do you balance trusting in fate and doing things for yourself, yeah? "Any advice, yeah?"

Laurie took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her as if in prayer. "I trust that everything will work out in the long run." Then she unclasped them and glanced at Deidara. "But in the short term, like what's going to happen in the next two hours, there might as well not be any such thing as God."

Deidara's mouth fell open. "But...the long run is made out of all the short terms…"

"Yeah. I haven't figured out how to reconcile that," Laurie admitted.

"But wait, you believe in God? At the party, you - And -" Deidara sputtered. "How?!"

Laurie nudged him with her shoulder. "Come on! Haven't you ever felt like there was something or someone looking out for you? I just...I don't know, sometimes out of nowhere, when there aren't any good things happening, I get this sudden feeling of reassurance, like I'm being cared for. What else can explain that?"

Dei turned sideways on the desk and gaped at her. "I don't." He blinked, looking all over her face and shoulders for signs that she was serious. He found them. She really feels like that. "I haven't felt like that for…" How long?

Laurie's warm eyes misted over. Softly, she brushed his ponytail out of his face. It swung back in as soon as her hand was gone, but that wasn't important. "But you are cared for. Sasori, and me, and all those other people. You are."

"No, that's not…" Deidara swallowed. "That's not the same. I used to feel like I had something. Something, that was, um… That was more than just a person? Like, if I made explosive things and blew them up in the backyard to see the sparks, I wouldn't be hurt. That's not something Sasori or anyone can protect me from. It was like having a personal forcefield, or luck, or whatever I thought I had, hm."

"I think that's exactly what I'm talking about when I say God," Laurie said. "And you don't feel like you have that anymore?"

Deidara shook his head. "Clay and Stitchy and Stitchy's friends are all staying at the lake. It's because I can't feel safe if they're around, hm. I don't know that I won't blow them up in my sleep." He swallowed again. He felt rather cold.

Laurie's eyes ran over with tears at his last sentence. "That's…" But she closed her mouth and refused to say exactly what it was. Deidara thought that was a good idea. Anything she could have said wouldn't be enough. "I'm sorry," she said instead.

"I'm used to it, hm," Dei tried to console her.

"You shouldn't have to be." Laurie shook her head. "But I know it's impossible to teach faith or trust, so… I just wish you didn't have to be." She looked out at the room full of bicycles, away from him.

Deidara put an arm around her shoulders and faced that way too. "Hey." It hurt to see Laurie look so sad and say such sad things. She is awesome even without any powers, and she is cool, and she is valuable, yeah! "I'll be okay, yeah."

Her lips twitched. "That sounds suspiciously like a kind of faith."

Dei looked around. "I don't think about that kind of stuff much. But sure, if you want."

The 3 spiders had, of course, stopped doing anything as soon as Deidara's attention was diverted. He sent them back to running among the bicycles, trying to see how well he could handle controlling 3 clay animals at once. He was doing surprisingly well so far.

That was why it was such a pleasant surprise when Laurie leaned into his shoulder. She wiggled a little, making herself comfortable and adjusting the way her head rested on his shoulder. "I think you'll be okay too."

Dei sighed. This is nice, yeah. He tightened his arm around her, and tried not to think of the future or the past.

They leaned against each other silently for a comfortable while. Then, Laurie whispered, "I wonder what they think." She flicked her fingers out towards the bicycles.

That was something useful and important to think about. "Give me a minute, yeah." What did they think about? What could they think about? They were bicycles. Dei doubted it was possible to have much of an interior life when they barely had interiors.

He shrugged. "Not much, I think, yeah. I mean, they're bikes. What do they have to think about?"

Laurie looked up at him. "How they're going to get repaired? What we could possibly be talking about with God and stuff? They might not feel things, but they can still think."

"That's what I meant, hm," Dei argued. "Feelings are information, hm. I mean, our bodies need food, right? If we tried to think about that, it'd be like endlessly reading off numbers, and we wouldn't be able to think about anything else. What would you think about if you always had to be thinking about your blood sugar, hm?"

Laurie looked at her wrist. "I don't even know how I would…"

"We're more complicated than they are, hm." Deidara gestured out at the stricken vehicles. "They only have to think about what's happening outside, because they don't have to pay attention to their bodies. They just have to know if they're broken or not. We have to keep track of so many things. You can't do that with only one system, hm."

Laurie nodded, slowly at first but growing more vigorous. "Emotions are like a second way of thinking for us, which we need because we're more complicated than they are?"

"P-probably, yeah. I'm not a theorist. I'm just a guy who knows that I have to keep track of myself as well as what's happening. I know there's no way I could do all that with my thoughts." Dei blushed slightly. Don't ask. Please don't ask, hm. It's all really complicated, hm.

Laurie asked. "Have you...found anything?"

Dei winced. "It's complicated." I'm really confused, yeah.

She hesitated. "Well, if you want to… I'd listen."

Deidara's lips twitched. "Even if that means angry ranting, hm?"

"Yeah. I'd listen to angry ranting."

Dei rubbed his chin. If that was true, there were a lot more possibilities all of a sudden. He sifted through topics in his mind, finally settling on one that was suitable to rant about. "I can't help but resent it, yeah. Why is everyone adapting so much better than I am?!"

He went on to describe what Nagato and Yahiko were doing. Then he described what Konan was doing, shifting midsentence to Kakuzu, and Kisame. He made his way around the entire membership of the Akatsuki so far, ending with Sasori. "Even Sasori! He's so wooden, he likes his routine more than anyone else, he wouldn't change anything for years. But now he's stepping up and doing all this shit too!" Deidara groaned in frustration. "Why am I the only person who can't figure out how to react to things?! I can't make a decision at all! I haven't changed a bit!"

Laurie sat very, very still. "What kinds of things do you have to react to?"

Deidara smacked his forehead with one palm. "Hidan, for starters. And Konan!" He sat up and looked at her. His eyes burned with anger, and with shame. "They're like me. Konan can't get over stuff from her past, and I know we could talk, but I haven't yet. I don't know when I'll ever talk to her. It just feels like I can't. And Hidan looked like a stranger that night after they talked to the vampires, and he sounded like one, and I know sleepwalking isn't the whole story. There's something else that nobody's talking about. I haven't even asked what it is! Not. Even. Asked. I haven't mustered the courage to."

Laurie's eyes softened. "It's not wrong to want to stick with the problems you have. They sound bad enough already."

"No!" Dei glared, not at her but at himself. "I don't want to! I…" He grit his teeth. "I'm the youngest here, and I feel like it. Like you said, everyone's here for me, yeah. Who am I there for?"

"Me."

Deidara had his mouth open to say more, but found he had no words. Was that an answer? A real, simple, quick answer? And Laurie had said it?

Her eyes were firm and determined. She reached up and squeezed his shoulder, shook him back and forth. "You have me to be there for. I don't know what I can do in a group of ninja, but you do. You think I belong. Thank you."

Deidara blinked. "I want to deal with...the big things, though…"

"Then help me," Laurie pleaded. "I want to too. Help me."

Deidara's mind started to click along, and some unrelated things began to seem a lot more related. "I guess I don't really want to change my image of Hidan."

"But I do," Laurie finished. "Bring me in, and I will. I'll ask. Even if there is some weird agreement to hide things, I can ask about it. I'm not one of you, so it's okay."

Deidara looked down. He shuffled his legs back and forth just to hear the sound of them brushing against the desk. Still shuffling, he said, "Maybe Sasori's not the one bound by routines, yeah. I'm not part of things. How do I just break in to something I'm not part of?"

Laurie hunched up her shoulders, before letting out a shaky breath. "I'm not part of anything, so all questions are the same to me. Call me Icebreaker."

Deidara curled into himself, looking smaller. He felt smaller. "It took me a while to get back in touch with Sasori after I got back from duty because…" Why am I telling this to her? So embarrassing. Or would not talking to her be embarrassing? I don't want her to think I'm a stupid kid. But it would be stupid and childlike not to talk if I need to. Gah!

Laurie took his hand and squeezed. "Because?"

"Because I didn't want to feel like a kid," Deidara finished. "I liked being out by myself. I had orders, but I could do so much by myself. I don't think I would have left if I'd had to choose. Just having everything be something I did for myself - it was really compelling -"

Laurie squeezed his hand tighter. Dei hardly felt it. It certainly did nothing to stop his hands from shaking. "Right now it's like - everything - things are just happening out of nowhere, and I didn't create any of them for myself, didn't make a mistake or anything, they're just happening, and I feel like just a kid again except not - not safe, yeah…" Something could make my bird explode for no reason! The demon kid said something could have happened if I'd gotten there sooner. The lake wasn't safe. Anything could happen and it would have nothing to do with me. The ghosts of explosions past danced in his head. Death. Something he was completely helpless about, couldn't stop, couldn't control, couldn't even help. I don't want to feel like that ever again.

Laurie hugged him from the side. Dei didn't stop her, but didn't lean in or return it. He felt horrible. What's she talking about, hm? Getting her to ask things for me isn't strength. It's not handling myself. It's running away from hard questions. Hiding. Hiding doesn't do anything because what you hide behind can be - He sobbed, a strictly vocal act with no tears. I'm fucked up, yeah. He did not hear the sound of an engine outside. Laurie did, but did not so much as relax her hold. She leaned further in instead, closing her eyes and concentrating on sending calming and healing feelings towards a man who obviously needed them.

It was a minute or two before Sasori walked in. He opened the door, looked up, and stopped dead in his tracks. He said nothing. But Deidara heard the door open, and sprang to his feet. "Sasori?"

Sasori stayed silent as he closed the door, eyes roving over the room to assess the situation. His hair was matted from wearing his helmet, and Deidara saw how he appeared a little flushed. The jacket. It must be warm. The hospital. It must have been stressful. But he'd gone anyway.

"How was it, hm?" Deidara asked in a thin voice.

"It happened," Sasori replied in an equally quiet voice.

Deidara sniffed. "That's more than anything I've done, yeah."

Sasori found himself moving forward without intending to. He wrapped his arms around Deidara in a gentle and distant hug, all without ever having planned to. His face began to move more. If he could have the urge to do this, then it must not be true. He was not really mechanical after all.

Deidara laughed bitterly. "You stayed in your same old routine for years, even when I said you shouldn't. Now - now you're going off and doing all these things, while I can't even make a move."

Sasori found himself speaking without ever having planned to, as well. "I'm trying to be more of a human."

Deidara hunched his shoulders. "Yeah, a grown one. A guy who deals with things, yeah. I'm just like a kid."

Sasori tightened the hug. "A good kid." But he couldn't find anything else to say. There was no example he could think of to disprove Deidara's claim, or at least none that were coming to mind.

Deidara reached up to hold Sasori's arm. "Yeah, a good kid. A kid who doesn't bother anyone, yeah. Who can't ask things. Even when I think they need to be asked, yeah, but I wasn't invited to ask so I'm not asking and what good is that, hm?" I took orders. Chain of command. It must have sunk in more than I thought. I'm having so much trouble going against it, yeah.

"That's funny." Sasori looked off into the distance as if seeing something curious and puzzling there. "You never seemed like the shy type."

"She gives orders, yeah," Deidara answered. "She's just like the officers I knew. You don't talk back to someone like that."

Sasori smiled as an idea came up. "You used to be such a wild card. Making your own explosives and setting them off in ludicrous places. Do you remember what that was like?"

"I was dumb. Nearly blew up my class." Deidara shuddered at the memory. It would remain forever etched in his mind as a memory to be ashamed of.

"Yes, but you know better now. You can be wild properly." Sasori released him from the hug and held Deidara at arm's length, hands on both his shoulders. "Do you still want to make things that spark?"

Deidara looked away. "Wouldn't that be unsafe?"

"Give me my damn wild card back," Sasori ordered.

"Okay." Deidara said that on reflex, not realizing what he had agreed to until after he'd agreed. What?! Oh, crap.

"The back lot's dirt, your spiders don't have that great a range, I have lots of broken parts that can only be scrapped anyway, and I think it's time for Stitchy's friends to go," Sasori said. "Come on."

Deidara did not move. "You...you know what shrapnel is, right?"

"I didn't say I'd be letting the parts sit there," Sasori elaborated. "I can hold them from a distance with my strings. Let's see what happens. Either they'll be blown to pieces, we'll have pretty red-hot chains to look at, or both."

Deidara swallowed and nodded.

"Okay. Let's blow stuff up." Sasori's face went blank again. "I could really use something to drive him out of my head. He said I was like a machine, not human, but machines don't have a sense of wonder. Do I? Help me answer that."

Help him figure out if he's a person? You can't just give someone a sense of personhood, so I didn't think I could do anything about that. But I really can? I can help with something that big? Deidara nodded, much more firmly and decisively.

"Thank you," Sasori said with relief. This time, Deidara accepted the thanks, and began to smile.

General

Sasori snuck glances at Deidara as they left. The kid's hands shook, his face twitched, and he was pale. As much as he seemed eager to help Sasori, Dei still looked unsettled. Sasori took a closer look, since Dei seemed distracted enough not to notice, and saw him sneaking glances at the 3 spiders walking by his side. In fact, Deidara was hardly looking at anything else.

Sasori grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the way of an open cabinet's drawers. "Just carry them in your arms already. A mechanic's area is no place to be walking around blind." Nevermind that I do that all the time. But that's just because I already know it like the back of my hand and I check that the circuit's clear before turning out the lights.

Deidara stopped and picked up the two other hand-sized spiders, nestling them into his arms easily. "You want to carry Stitchy?" He turned to find Laurie already doing so. In fact, she was cradling him in the crook of one elbow and lovingly stroking his back. Deidara made his legs wiggle, and she looked absolutely delighted.

Meanwhile, Sasori closed the cabinet drawers he had accidentally left open and opened one that had been closed. He took out a length of kinked chain and one twisted gear. He held them up. "Will these do? I have more gears, broken handlebars, and a snapped-off lever as well."

Deidara gulped. "Lever? Like a broken stick, hm?"

"Not exactly. It's the thing you pressed on to change the height of the seat. I do not know what it's called officially." Sasori felt bad for the mental images Deidara must have gotten. Let's stay away from things that could get embedded in people's necks, maybe.

Deidara approved the chain, but hmm'd over the gear. "What do the other ones look like?" Sasori pulled open the drawer and stepped aside. Bicycle gears were thin, delicate, and all the bicycles had been hit from the side. Practically every one had needed some repair, and most of the crippled vehicles currently sitting in the manager's (former) office only needed new gears. It was rather hard to fix gear issues with duct tape.

Deidara sorted through the drawer for a while, finally pulling out a gear that looked almost crushed. "This one!" Sasori could immediately see why he'd chosen it. The side damage had ground off most of the gear's sharper parts, and what was left could in no way fly. Anyone hit by that would be in more danger of a concussion than of getting their throat slit.

Sasori was extra glad he'd moved the small piles of miscellaneous bits inside. It left the parking lot vast, open, and sandy, with absolutely nothing that could serve as shrapnel. Except for some rocks. Sasori kicked those into the decorative plants. Now it was perfect!

When he turned back, Deidara was not pale at all. The old mischievous spark had returned to his eyes. Sasori missed it. Never thought I'd be glad to see that look in his eyes again. Poor Kakuzu. Dealing with him and Hidan must have been a handful.

Deidara put the spiders down and rubbed his hands together. He giggled in a way that made him sound nuts. "Alright, yeah!"

Sasori put a hand on his shoulder. Not yet. "Laurie, sit on the left side of the doorway with Stitchy. I'll take the right side. Dei, you could take the roof. Whatever will get you a good view."

Deidara shook his head. "Not above it! I'd have to be insane to sit above a really hot thing, yeah. I think…" He surveyed the edge of the parking lot, eyes finally landing on the decorative plants. They were tall and wavy grasses. "I'll be over by them, yeah! The blast'll make them shake nicely, hm."

"Whatever works." Sasori didn't smile, but inside he was glad to see Deidara so enthusiastic. He doesn't want to be like a kid? How ironic… Being like a kid is exactly what he needs to be. As far as I can tell, being fun and excitable is the way to deal with things around here.

Sasori took a seat next to the doorway, the crushed gear in his lap, and used all ten fingers to attach strings to the chain. That way, if it did disintegrate under the force of the blast, they could be reassured that each piece wouldn't go flying off. Deidara grinned.

The blond took one of the spiders and dashed away, crouching next to and some feet away from the decorative plants so that he could see how they shuddered. He drove the remaining spider in a little circle, trying to remember what the spider's range was from previous blastings. Sasori and Laurie looked safe enough, though they might get some hot air in their faces. He shivered. "Ready, yeah."

Sasori sent out his strings to hold the chain above the spider. "Like this?"

"A little lower."

The chain was now just a foot above the spider's back. "Like this?"

"Perfect, yeah!"

"Okay!" Sasori whispered to himself, "Now let's just hope chakra isn't flammable."

Laurie heard that. "What?"

"BLAST!"

The spider shivered, hissed, and turned into a percussive fireball. Sasori and Laurie both had the air knocked out of them by the pressure wave. It felt like a solid fist against his breastbone. Deidara felt the pressure wave as a shocked quivering of his insides, and saw it in the way the plants jerked back as though startled. Their grassy fronds bent far back as though falling over, then returned to an angled position. They were not going to spring upright just yet.

Sasori coughed, squinted his eyes against the hot air, and concentrated on holding his strings still. Ugh. That blast did not feel good. Hopefully he can move the second one farther away. But he was here to experience a sense of wonder, he remembered. Yes. Wonder. The power of that blast, though… Yikes. Good thing Hidan's immortal, because his insides must have been scrambled after being blown up at close range. The snake kid must have healed more than his ankles.

No wonder the two of them had cleared a whole battle field once. Starting and ending a war at the same time. Sasori shivered. He could imagine how the battle had probably gone. A field of explosives to kill some and stun the rest, who would then be easy pickings for Hidan to race among and...harvest. Ugh. Worst religion ever.

"You guys okay?" Deidara admired the feel of the wave, the joy of taking a hammer to the air, the flash of light. He even kept his eyes trained on the last sparks of fire drifting in the air, which made him shiver in delight. Those last sparks, for those few seconds, were better than a whole afternoon of snow. So short lived. So pretty because of that.

But then he shook his head. He'd done what Sasori asked, and now it was time to check on his friends. So he asked if they were okay.

"It was a little strong," Sasori admitted. "Didn't feel good. But I don't think there's any lasting damage."

Laurie nodded. "No sudden bruises, my lungs feel fine, my brain's still working. I think we were far enough to avoid the worst of it."

"Sorry, hm. I'll move the next one farther away," Dei promised. He scanned his two most cherished people anyway, then the building, then sent his eyes on a frenzied race that had his head turning fast enough to make him dizzy to check for fires. But no fires had started. Woah. Dizzy. Whew. He had long suspected that being enchanted by the power of an explosion, being distracted and unable to take proper action, thus freaking out the rest of his unit, was why he'd been sent home. He'd never stopped being fascinated by explosions in his time in the army. The problem was that the meaning of fascination had changed. It was no longer a good thing to be.

Or it hadn't been, in the past. That was just what Sasori was trying to do now, he realized. Sasori was trying to make fascination a good thing again. The force of this epiphany left Deidara's head spinning a second time.

"What was that about chakra?" Laurie stared at Sasori as though betrayed.

"Okay, it is flammable. Somehow." Sasori stared in disbelief at the fires dancing on the last foot or so of his strings. How in the hell? There was nothing to burn!

Deidara blinked. He hadn't thought that chakra could burn, either. He'd been checking everything except the strings for fire. "That's weird, hm."

"I just got a weird idea," Sasori muttered. What would happen if I sent in more chakra? He gathered chakra in his belly, then sent it out in two bursts, one in each arm. Too late, he realized something about his chakra felt different.

Roaring fireballs resulted. They all had to look away from the heat and the light until his chakra was used up. When it was, the fire went out completely, including the little flames that had been on the strings before. Sasori judged it safe to pull his strings closer, within a few feet.

The chain was broken in three places and bright red. He and Laurie could feel the heat radiating off of it, all the heat of the initial explosion, now wrapped in a tidy package that would take hours to fade. "It was like that before," Sasori said. Mostly. It was glowing before. Being engulfed in a fireball didn't help, for sure.

Deidara came closer but stopped short, a few feet away from the chains on their other side. "Wow, hm." He glanced down at the sandy ground. He can put them down without setting anything on fire, so it's fine. Really. Yes.

"Let's go again!" Deidara yelled. "Come on!"

Sasori and Laurie jumped. Sasori's eyes widened in fear. Uh oh. What have I done? Something about Deidara's voice scared him.

Sure enough, the blond had manic-looking crazy eyes. Sasori experienced vivid flashbacks to the kidnapping of his laptop, even though he had not been there to see it. What had he been lucky enough to miss? She mentioned not caring about the consequences. If this is what that looks like… Wait, no. Dei's not like that. It'll wear off as soon as he needs to concentrate on something. Not like that at all.

Even so, he flinched a little as Deidara yelled, "Do that thing with your chakra at the same time as I blast it, yeah! I'll count!"

.

A/N: Blast waves can be deadly. And they don't always take the form of a solid mass like air, either. I read a magazine article once about a whole submarine of people that were killed by their own explosive. It was in olden days when propulsion technology was not good, so the bomb was just put on the end of a long pole, and the submarine crew had to press it against a boat. When they did, the angle of the pole plus the shape of their vessel combined to produced a deadly resonance chamber. The pressure waves did nothing to physically hurt them from the outside. No bruises, no impact, everyone died in the same position they sat in. But small vessels and small hollow spaces, like the ones in their lungs and brains, ruptured.

Deidara's explosives should have been even more dangerous than they were shown to be in canon, is my point. Yikes.

I don't know if chakra itself is typically flammable. I do know Sasori's is supposed to be. The reason for that is obvious of course, so let's not bother saying why.

Deidara feels exactly like how I felt yesterday, by the way. I don't feel unsafe, but aside from that, the powerlessness and hurt and everything was all there. That's a part of me I don't know what to do with. I'm afraid that means I don't quite know what to do with him.

But I'll try. Have a good week! Weather is supposed to be miserable over the next week, so good luck, everyone in the US and Europe!