LIFE IN A BORING TOWN
Torture is defined two ways in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. First, it is defined as the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure, and second, as something that causes agony or pain. Agony is further defined as "anguish of body or mind."
Any of these definitions can be applied to college life in a small town. The more remote the town, the deeper the agony. Judging by the collective bored silence of my siblings seated around me, I wasn't the only one dwelling on the many ways abject misery could be defined.
Edward was the worst of us. He was hunched over in his seat, frowning at the floor. Not even attempting to pretend to enjoy living in the asshole of nowhere. The tedium of days like this one was why I'd tried to talk the fam out of moving here, to begin with. But our mother, Esme, had wanted so badly to pretend we were a normal family for a few years.
Edward practically sputtered a dejected huff. Being a mind reader, he was likely feeding off my sour mood.
You're pouting again, I thought toward him. His eyes flashed to mine with a muted look of defiance. It was so quick, no human would have been able to catch the change in his expression, but I gave him an angelic smile in response.
Edward made a flick with his hand to indicate I should be minding my own business and continued to stare at the concrete. Apparently, goading wouldn't work on him today. Anyway, he had a point, I should be minding my own business, but there wasn't anything else to mind in this god-awful town.
Forks, Washington. There didn't seem to be any point to this place. Fewer than 4,000 people, and every single one of them from a perfect cookie cutter. They all looked, behaved, and even smelled the same. The best I could say for it was that it was less remote than the village we'd left when we moved to Forks.
At least in Denali we hadn't had to pretend to be college students, we simply never associated with humans. Of course, that could only go for so long. Such a large group of animal-fed vampires in one place would eventually decimate the local wildlife. We stayed as long as we could but ultimately had to move on.
Carlisle, our patriarch, suggested moving back south to a place he once lived long before our coven had come together. We would be safe there, and even be able to come out during the day! Esme jumped at the chance of building a dream home with her family. The catch was that the youngest of us, myself, my sister Alice, and my two brothers, Edward and Jasper, had to pretend to be kids.
Enrolling in school offered us a reasonable excuse to stay for several years, and gave us the illusion of being a normal family to the humans. I didn't understand why we bothered with the effort, but I would do anything for Esme.
I leaned back in my chair and glanced around the room to rid myself of the foul humor. Here I was frowning at the wall, after ribbing Edward for being a sad sack. Who was pouting now? Something interesting needed to happen, stat. If it didn't, I might actually explode. Little bits of vampire all over this destitute little piece of nowhere. At this point, I would take a well-practiced mime to alleviate the boredom.
Alice started up a low humming lullaby, drawing my attention. She twirled her hair with the deft fingers of her left hand and traced patterns on her husband's thigh with the other. Here was another perfect example of a tortured vampire. Jasper, enveloped in his thoughts, was staring off into the trees surrounding the pavilion looking distinctly uncomfortable.
His discomfort was mostly self-inflicted, but all of us should share the burden at least a little bit. We convinced him, together, to test the limits of his thirst drive under the guise of self-improvement. The idea was that the challenge would be a great way for him to prove to himself that he was as capable of this lifestyle as the rest of us, but I had my doubts.
Abstaining was harder on him than any of us due to his harrowing past. As far as I knew, he had never attempted to deny himself the hunt before for any reason at all. Two weeks was asking an awful lot considering his circumstances. In solidarity, the whole family ceased hunting with him. This was, in large part, responsible for all of our poor moods.
I went along with it only because I thought, at the very least, it would be entertaining. In hindsight, it was kind of a dick move. Jasper wasn't ever verbose, but he wasn't usually such a drag, either.
Maybe he would crack. Murder would definitely shake things up, and I had just asked for something interesting to happen. Alternatively, if he didn't end up killing a human, I could probably provoke him into trying to kill me. A good old-fashioned sparring match might break the monotony, as well as the house.
Edward gave me a frank glare. I shrugged at him. I couldn't help thinking about it. This had been a stupid plan. What was the point in tempting fate? If Jasper wasn't able to control himself we would have to start all over again in some other part of the world, and while moving would suit me just fine, it would break Esme's heart.
Jesus, what if Carlisle was aware of some other Forks-like town where Esme might be convinced we could start over? If we were forced out, we might end up somewhere even worse than the back end of Washington. God forbid! There couldn't be two of these places, could there? Maybe Antarctica?
Fucking penguins.
A clutch of young women, all dressed in the same colors, all babbling in exactly the same pitch, passed closely by our table. One of them came particularly close to Jasper as they moved toward the main exit of the pavilion. The group brought the scent of fresh blood with them. Of course, none of them smelled especially appetizing to me, but I watched Jasper closely anyway.
He stiffened, hands gripping his elbows so tightly I could hear his bones groan, but held himself together. Alice remained relaxed. Using her talent for precognition, she was watching his future very closely today and would know what he intended as soon as it was a possibility.
Edward suddenly kicked Jasper's chair under the table. The movement was quick and violent. I heard the metal in the chair's legs give as the feet scraped into the concrete. Jasper clenched his jaw but didn't move from his position.
"Sorry," he finally muttered. He must have been teetering closer to the edge of murder than I'd thought. I clapped him on the shoulder in affable support. Of all people, I had no room to judge. My history was full of "mistakes" as Carlisle called them. None of us wanted Jasper to fail of course, but if he did, it wasn't the end of the world as far as I was concerned. They were making a very big deal out of something that was simply in our nature.
"You weren't going to do anything," Alice cooed, petting his hair. She was a damn good liar, but even I could see through that one. "It helps if you think of them as people," she continued.
I coughed and bit the inside of my cheek. Really? That's the route she chose to take? They're people! Oh, the humanity of it all!
"Her name is Whitney, she has a baby sister she adores. Her mother invited Esme to that garden party. Do you remember?"
Yes, he remembers. He doesn't care, kid. I kept from rolling my eyes, but only just.
"I know who she is," Jasper grunted through gritted teeth. He continued to stare off into the trees beyond the pavilion, refusing to succumb to his wife's gentle soothing. Taking the hint, Alice sighed and went back to twirling her hair absently. I settled back into my foul mood and planned exactly how I would provoke Jasper into a fight.
Edward's head jerked around as though someone had called his name.
What's up, brother? I leaned toward him.
"There's a transfer student," he said, eyes moving slowly across the room, following the student's movements. "She's noticed us."
"Don't they all?" Jasper came out of his sulk to say derisively. He was just being a dick, true as it was, humans always noticed us at first but didn't generally get too close. People tended to keep away from vamps on a subconscious level. They feared us, even if they didn't understand why. They had some deep-rooted survival instincts, long-forgotten but still understood on a primal level that made them avoid noticing us or associating with us whenever possible. The few new students to come through Forks, though first enraptured by our supernatural beauty, soon joined the rest of the population by ceasing to see us within a couple of days.
"Well, she's noticed you, Emmett." Edward snickered.
What, me in particular? This also happened occasionally. A human would become attracted to one of us and spend a little extra time puzzling us out. If we weren't the vampire equivalent of vegetarians, these humans would have been particularly choice prey. As it were, it only gave Edward a few days of fodder with which to tease us. Whatever was going on today seemed to be giving him an especially good bit of ammo for later use. He gave a slight tilt of his head toward the opposite side of the pavilion. Without physically looking, I turned my attention toward the direction Edward indicated.
"Which one is the rugby player?" A female asked. Her voice was oddly flat, and a little withdrawn. It sounded like she was asking only because it was expected of her, not because she felt any real desire for the answers. This was at direct odds with Edward's taunting. From his snickering, you'd think she would be all enthusiasm.
"Oh," a second voice chimed with all the qualities I normally hated about humans. Condescension, superiority, and self-importance. It made a stark juxtaposition with the odd flatness in the voice of the transfer student.
Her lack of curiosity piqued my own. I followed the sound of their voices until I saw a woman with intensely dark, loosely curled hair that tumbled out of a hasty bun on top of her head. Tendrils fell out of the mess to frame a face alight with an interest that wasn't displayed in her voice. Her eyes caught and held mine confidently, brimming with an inherent challenge.
She was wearing what amounted to a long, bulky, ill-fitting pea coat and was paused on the edge of her seat like she hadn't bothered to sit all the way down, or didn't want to in case she had to stand up in a hurry. The position reminded me of a startled house cat that couldn't decide whether it wanted to fight or flee.
The girl didn't break eye contact. In fact, she smiled at me. When was the last time a human smiled at me? It was only then that I realized I was smiling as well.
"Stop looking," her companion hissed and pinched her arm. "That's Emmett. He's beautiful but he's never shown interest in anyone." I grinned wider. It was true, I didn't usually bother showing interest in any of the humans swarming around in this school. What was the point? They would be dead in a few years, anyway.
"What is she thinking?" Jasper asked, ever the tactician. We all turned to Edward to listen, but he was too busy giggling to answer.
I kicked his chair just hard enough to bend the leg and smiled sweetly. Whoever took care of the furniture out here would find two of their chairs in very sorry condition.
"Jessica Stanley is giving her the dirty laundry on the Cullen clan," he murmured to us softly, in the unlikely event any humans walked close enough to overhear.
I hope she's making it good, I thought.
"Rather unimaginative, actually, just the barest hint of scandal - not an ounce of horror. I'm a little disappointed," Edward continued.
And the new girl? Is she disappointed as well?
Edward's role as the resident mind reader made him the natural scout. Whenever someone showed undue interest in us it fell to him to ferret out possible danger. It happened infrequently, but occasionally someone would make wildly general assumptions about us and begin to snoop. Even less frequently someone would guess correctly and we would need to skip town before any drama started. The combination of Edward's ability and Alice's less precise precognition had always been able to give us a heads-up so we could avoid any real tragedy.
"Her name is Delilah Davis," Edward recited. "But she prefers La. As I said, her attention seemed to catch and stick on you, Emmett, but she's already moved on to memorizing the names of her new friends. Right now she's thinking Jessica might be a poor choice…"
Just like every other human; fleeting thoughts, easily distracted, and not interesting in any way. Did I expect anything else? Not really, I was just hoping so hard for some form of entertainment that for a moment her arrival seemed serendipitous.
"Keep an eye on her," Jasper cautioned, "Make sure she loses interest in the next couple of days. You never know when one of them could be more discerning than the others."
Jasper's worry was baseless. In all appearances, whatever her initial fascination had been, it faded as quickly as it came, just like I thought it would. She had nice eyes, though. I glanced back over at her, curiously, and lingered on the mess of hair half piled on top of her head. Her table was still making introductions, holding her attention with their meaningless prattle.
While our table lapsed into silence the new girl corrected several people at hers that tried to call her "Delilah," then adeptly avoided several questions about where she was from. She seemed to be skilled at redirecting attention and I wondered why she felt the need to. Most humans tended to preen when they were the center of a crowd. She should be gushing about herself to her new fan club, not dodging personal questions like landmines.
Alice popped up, pulling Jasper with her. The two of them left through a side entrance of the pavilion, hands entwined, Alice skipping enthusiastically by her husband's side. Edward looked at me thoughtfully, then pushed away from the table to follow them.
"Are you alright?" He asked before leaving.
I considered him. "I think so?" Whenever he asked cryptic questions like this it made me think that maybe I really wasn't alright. Am I missing something?
"No," he said vaguely and left for class.
Well, that was fucking weird. But Edward was often weird, and I no longer wasted time wondering why. I sludged to my next class - organic chemistry… again. This was my third time taking this class, but it was my fault. I chose it so I could reuse my old homework. I thought about ditching, but skipping the first week might get me dropped, and I didn't want to be the one that blew our cover.
The longer we're in school, the longer we can stay, I reminded myself. Anything for Esme.
If it wasn't for my adopted parents, I would have been just as happy living my life as a nomad. I'd considered it on many occasions, but Esme poured a lot of love and soul into our makeshift family, and she tended to fret when any of us left her for any amount of time. Besides, creature comforts could be pretty nice when you got used to them. The nomad life didn't allow for vinyl collections or the safekeeping of old comics.
Though I was reticent, the desire to get the best choice of seats made sure I was the first one in the lab classroom. If I was lucky there would be an uneven number of people in this class. In that case, I wouldn't have to pretend to be human by actually conversing with someone. I chose the desk in the furthest corner but took the inside seat, relying on the human survival mechanism to discourage them from sharing the desk with me.
The rest of the class slowly filed in. As expected, not a single human even considered sitting in the other chair of the desk I'd chosen. I leaned against the desk with my elbow, settling in for a boring hour. Eventually, the whole class was seated, and the TA went to close the door. As she reached for the handle, she made a startled pause and stepped back politely.
One final person entered the classroom and shut the door behind them. It was the new girl, La. Her peacoat was open now, hanging from her in disarray, one shoulder of the fabric was scrunched up with the strap of her bag. Her hair had fallen the rest of the way out of whatever had been keeping it piled on her head and now tumbled over her face and along her shoulders. She was flushed with embarrassment as she scanned the room, looking for an open seat. Her eyes landed on me. I smirked. Poor thing.
La would be in for a very long semester.
The girl headed in my direction, carefully stepping through stools and legs. As she approached her seat, she passed under a steadily blowing central heating vent. A gust of heated air blew a wave of her scent straight up my nostrils. Her scent raced through my olfactory and hit me in the throat with the sensation of a molten fire poker. I gripped the table so fiercely it gave with a slight crack beneath my palm.
Fire lanced up and down my chest, and venom poured into my mouth. No one in the eighty years since my transition had smelled as sweet as this woman. I never even imagined someone could smell so utterly ideal. Had I known, I would have combed the earth in search of it, and destroyed entire cities to taste it.
I would have her. I needed her. Nothing in all the world would be as pure as her blood. Nothing could ever possibly satiate me more. I was the predator, she was my prey, and I would enjoy every ounce of the blood that would pump from her neck. I would bathe in it.
Not a second had passed. She was still taking the same step that had put her underneath the vent. Her skin was the most beautiful dusky hue I had ever seen, it complemented the scent that radiated from her in a succulent way. My brain was swimming in it. I puzzled over it; what made it so unique? Warm spices, firewood, and something… ethereal.
My mouth was a desert, dry and desiccated. Venom swam over my tongue, but it didn't alleviate the feeling, didn't make it easier to withstand the barrage on my senses, the oppressive blanket that was clouding my brain. It was becoming impossible to think clearly.
In just a few seconds, she would come to sit beside me, and I would gleefully kill her. We were in a room full of witnesses but none of them mattered. A glance around the room told me no one had noticed my reaction, including the woman in question. There were twenty-nine other people in this room. Few enough that I could easily kill all of them in just a few seconds, before coming back to my prize. From where I sat it would be a simple circle. I could sweep up the back of the room, snapping necks as I went, circle the front, and be on her just as she was beginning to understand her fate. I imagined how her fear would smell and licked my lips.
I took another deep breath and felt the fire roll from my throat through my veins, savoring the delicious pain of it. This thirst would consume me.
The vent ceased blowing all at once, giving me a short reprieve from the onslaught of scented air. The power of it relented just enough to give me a brief moment of clarity. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn't kill a room full of people! I stopped breathing. The fire immediately diminished, further clearing my mind.
What the fuck?! I had done some terrible things in my time, but I had never been a murderer of innocents. I had never killed a human that didn't deserve it before. What happened to me that I was suddenly willing to kill thirty innocents in a matter of a few seconds? What would Esme say? She believed so strongly in my ability to be good. How badly would this hurt her? I imagined her standing before me, distraught, face tight with tears that could no longer be shed. She would forgive me, she always did - even when my eyes glowed red with the evidence of my broken promises. She would love me anyway, but I didn't want that for her, or myself.
There was only one option; I had to get out of there.
The girl was setting her bag underneath the desk. She was standing up. Now she was pulling the stool out. Each of these moments seemed to come to me in flashes, like still photographs. If I so much as breathed I would commit an atrocity. I had to get out of there first.
I grabbed my bag and thrust away from the desk, glaring at her. Who was this woman? Where did she come from? Why was she here now?
She caught my expression and jumped back on her stool. Her eyes were the deepest darkest brown I'd ever seen, but not lacking sincere expression. Just then they conveyed her feelings of confusion, and fear - as they should. How dare she come here now and put the lives of all these people at risk? How dare she come here so soon after we settled, just to throw our lives another curveball? In that second I learned what it was to truly hate someone. I hated this frail human with every cell of my being. I hated this upheaval she'd forced upon me, this awful need to drink from her.
This woman would ruin the life Esme had struggled to build for us. Why should my family have to lose everything for some inconsequential human? Most importantly, why should I have to be the one to disappoint Esme? I had been trying so hard to be good.
Avoiding killing her would only get more difficult the longer I stayed in this room. If I was going to leave, it needed to be now.
Another option occurred to me; I could wait. When class ended I would follow her, and then wait until she was alone. If we were alone, I wouldn't need to rush through or do damage control. I could convince her to let me into her home, convince her to become pliant in my arms. I would feel the pulse in her neck below my lips, and then I would taste her.
Tearing my eyes from hers was like pulling wax from flesh; sticky and incredibly painful. I bolted as soon as I managed it. My movements were far too quick for any human but I was completely unable to move normally. If anyone had been looking at me they would have noticed my inhuman speed, or at least suspected something wasn't quite right but humans tried to not ever look at the Cullens. Of course, Delilah Davis was looking. And after that interaction, she must have some idea that something was off.
Once I hit the fresh air outside, the last vestiges of the girl's scent were swept away. I was left only with the memory of it, and the reality of my abhorrent behavior. I dumped my books in Edward's car and headed for a leg of the woods that stretched out to touch a corner of campus.
The fresh smell of wet earth further cleared my mind. I paced, breathing deeply the damp moss and forest flowers. It finally occurred to me that I didn't have to disappoint my mother. I didn't have to kill this girl. I was a rational, sentient creature that was capable of good decisions! There was a choice here, and I was capable of making the right one. Did I want to?
In that classroom, the answer had been obvious, but out here, under an overcast sky, drops of water lazily dotting my face… I could choose to be better. I could choose to be the person Esme believed me to be.
One question remained; where the hell were Edward and Alice in all of this? Alice should have perceived something so momentous long before I'd had the chance to nearly kill a room full of people. At the very least she should have seen enough to come help or clean up the evidence. It would be nice to think I was always strong enough to resist. But no, it had to be that Alice was concentrating all of her energy on Jasper. Edward was probably likewise distracted, and it had happened so quickly, he never would have gotten to me in time.
My pacing continued and became more frenzied. I wouldn't kill the girl. I wouldn't stalk her at her home. Leaving the classroom wasn't enough, I needed to leave town. My thoughts flashed to the Denali coven. I could visit some old friends for a while, take my thoughts off the problems here, and save the whole family a lot of trouble.
The parking lot was clearing out now. Edward was probably already filling the others in on what had happened by picking it out of my head. I made my way to the parking lot and flung myself into the Volkswagen. I gasped at the air filled with the scents of familiar vampires, trying to banish the memory of the girl.
"Emmett?" Alice leaned forward from the back seat to grip my shoulders. I shook my head harshly, as Edward threw the car into reverse.
"What happened, brother?" Jasper asked from the back seat. He was probably getting a snarling mass of confused emotions off of me with his talent. His empathic abilities were usually a great asset, but at times like this, he was just annoying.
Feeling my need to flee, Edward swung the car onto the road and took it to sixty, tires squealing and spinning out.
"You're leaving?" Alice piped up. I didn't answer, knowing she would be looking for other possible futures already. "Oh," she muttered, and then again as I imagined what possibilities she must be seeing.
My resolve wavered. It would be so easy to jump out of this car and run back to campus. Her records would be in the main office. I was certain I could find her address easily, then be within sight of her in less than fifteen minutes. All this pain and turmoil could be over… Edward gripped my arm so tightly it nearly hurt.
My head bowed in defeat. It would be better to leave.
"I'll miss you," Alice whispered. "I always miss you when you're gone."
When we turned onto the long drive that led to the hidden meadow circling our house Edward pulled the car to a stop. "Go on ahead. You should tell Carlisle by yourself."
I nodded and opened the door. Alice caught my shoulder again as I moved to exit. "You will do the right thing," she said – it was an order. "There is no one in the world stronger than you. You're strong enough for this."