A/N: Another chapter that's shorter than the 4000 word minimum I like to keep. Ah well. That minimum is getting increasingly permeable.

Ooh, ooh! I just realized I will be posting on Halloween! Ahahaha. My favorite holiday! Yay! I must have a spooky omake on that chapter.

Halloween is the best holiday, and I wish it well in its battles against Christmas.

:D

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Kisame

Kisame stared down at his water bottle and sandwich. He was taking a break, which really only meant a break from his job. It was not a break from his life, unfortunately.

Goddammit, Hidan. Why'd you have to put all these questions in my head? I used to love my job. Now I feel tense all the time that I'm here.

He tried to relax while he ate. It didn't work. The tension he felt was subtle, mild, manifesting not as pain or anger but as a decrease in his enjoyment of things. Most of his day was affected very little, but it was impossible not to notice how different caring for the sharks was. It had been his favorite part of the day. Now he always felt uneasy, and had caught himself dragging his feet once or twice as if he didn't want to go there.

Does it mean something? Maybe I'm uneasy here because I'm uneasy with my shark half in general. This place is where I keep that half most of the time. He was ashamed to admit that, but it was true. Despite how wonderful that swim in the lake had been, he'd backslid and made no progress on exploring his other side at all.

Was it possible he was afraid to? Alone with his sandwich, it was possible to consider that the answer might be yes. It was possible to go on from that to wondering what he could do if it was the case. I won't do anything as long as I have my hackles up. I need to find a way to calm the hell down. Hmm… I already have a good reason to ask for advice about that. He finished his sandwich. It would be difficult to admit he had any problems with himself, but he did not have to. His original's excessive and unwanted paranoia gave him a ready excuse. Dammit. Does that mean I have to start thanking him?

He couldn't help but notice a lack of tension as he went back to work.

Deidara

"Hmm… Medium, pl - no wait, small."

"One small popcorn," confirmed the lady behind the desk.

"Yep. And a small tray of chicken fingers with...barbecue sauce, yeah."

"Small tray of chicken."

"Actually, can I get that in a medium, yeah?" Deidara remembered that action movies often made him hungry. "Never mind. Make it large, yeah. There's no such thing as too much fried chicken."

"Large tray of chicken." She pressed buttons on her computer. "Will that be all?"

"Yeah. That's it, yeah." If he changed his mind later and wanted a drink, he could find some water.

She pressed one last button. "Alright, your order will be out shortly."

Deidara glanced at his phone. It'd better be. The movie starts in 8 minutes. But who knows how many previews there are… He found a place to wait off to the side while his order was made.

To fill time, he checked the group chat. Itachi had posted some new thoughts of his on the role of language in constraining the mind. How did you start thinking about this stuff, Itachi? Deidara messaged.

Itachi replied quickly. It came up on a walk.

I don't think thesis topics just come up for anyone else. You're kind of weird.

Not true, Itachi replied. I believe most people do not recognize their thoughts for what they are.

You think people just don't notice when they're thinking about the meaning of life? Deidara used a skeptical emoji, one with eyebrows raised and a hand rubbing its chin.

When they believe that they are only thinking about what a fictional character should have done to get a happier ending, yes.

That gave Deidara pause. Fictional characters could secretly be proxies for big questions? That would explain a lot of seemingly crazy fandom behavior. He texted back, Huh. I'll have to think about that one.

Feel free to message back if you wish to hear my thoughts.

Jesus Christmas, Itachi, yeah.

His order was finished then. Deidara received his chicken and popcorn, then went to find his seat.

The movie opened with a quiet house. Not a breath of wind to ruffle the trees, windows dark, nobody around. A character drove up. He unloaded things from the car, turning lights on in the house as he went. He slammed the trunk shut, walked up his front steps, then paused and turned back as if he'd forgotten something. The house promptly exploded like it was made of dynamite bricks.

Deidara choked on his popcorn as he began to laugh. He couldn't help but laugh. Such a magnificent blast deserved nothing less! On a big screen, with a beautiful setup, with no shockwave for him to feel in his bones and no blast of hot air to make him squeeze his eyes shut, it was amazing.

He sat back, grinning. The hungry part of the movie would come later. For now, he was too excited to eat.

Konan

Konan kept a watchful eye on the group chat. Interesting. She did not send any messages of her own. She believed she knew how this mode of communication worked, but it was always a good idea to gather more information instead of acting rashly.

Itachi put his phone away. "I am aware that I am unusual."

"No," Konan said. "These kinds of thoughts are very normal for a shinobi."

Itachi cocked his head. "Why?"

"A shinobi faces many questions about the meaning of life and death, what should be done and what should not be done."

"So do other people," Itachi said. "Yet they do not think about these questions, not directly and not very often. Why would ninjas be any different?"

Konan wrinkled her brow. To be honest, she did not know what not thinking of these topics was like. That was the way of thinking Jiraiya sensei taught. It was how her mind worked. She couldn't imagine anything different.

Itachi looked down. "Not that I myself know why most people do not face these questions. Or how. I have spent my whole life wondering why it was different," he murmured. "Why I was different."

Konan watched him. I've never seen this part of him before. Has it always been there? More and more, I am convinced our suspicions were correct. Itachi was too kindly to belong in the Akatsuki. He went to great lengths to hide that. Besides loneliness, what else has he hidden? "I have wondered the same."

Itachi nodded. "How long have you known you were different?"

"Since I was a young girl." I should not reveal too much.

He nodded again. "The same for me. When I first entered school."

A little more… "When I first began to be taught how to act like a young lady instead of a careless child." That was very young.

Itachi looked at her. "Was it very painful to lose them?"

"I'm sorry?"

Itachi closed his eyes. "My apologies. I think too quickly sometimes. My feeling of difference was because of being surrounded by other people my age, so I felt very separated from them. Yours was with your parents, it sounds like. Did you feel very separated from them?"

Konan stayed quiet. I do not talk with anyone about this. Revealing my past cannot benefit me now. Yet, strangely, it seemed that Itachi might understand. Nobody else had ever seemed like they could understand her mix of feelings before. "Yes and no."

Itachi cocked his head, inviting her to explain. Her answer did not seem confusing to him. Merely too short.

"Most of the time, no. We were family. We understood each other. But sometimes, there were moments when that understanding seemed a lie. But it felt so real."

Itachi's shoulders slumped. "As a child, I felt so different. But sometimes, there were moments of genuine connection, and it seemed like the separation was just an illusion. The next day, that connection would have faded, and I could not get it back. How real can something be when it disappears?"

Konan's eyes widened. How real can something be when it disappears? That was her question, her exact question. And here Itachi had the same one. I always thought he was strange and remote. Was this potential for connection here all along? "How long have you had that question?"

"For as long as I have felt different," he answered.

That was longer than she had had it. "Have you found any answers?"

Itachi looked up at the ceiling. "Yes and no."

Konan cocked her head.

"Each time, though it did not last, created some lasting change in me. In that sense, they were very real. But a lasting sense of connection continues to elude me. It may never be real in the way I want it to be."

His answer creates more questions than it resolves. "So the only thing that is real is change."

Itachi looked at her. "Do you think so?"

"Yes." Konan narrowed her eyes. "Hidan has acquired a book that he believes can help me. It promises to help undo mental states that are harmful. But what good does such a book do me? My mental states are not harmful. The fact that they change is. It misses the point."

"Isn't the conviction that their changes are beyond your control, itself, a mental state?"

"Yes, it is. I was much more optimistic last night. I'm sure I will see reason to believe in his plan again as the day progresses." Konan turned her hands palm up, her version of throwing them in the air. "That's my point."

Itachi's eyes widened in understanding. "How real can any of your ideas be when they change?"

"It is impossible even to know who I am," Konan said softly. "I can only be leader because this world thrives on instability. Before, in my world, I really had no option but to lean on Nagato or Yahiko. Only they could continue on. Only they could follow a path anywhere meaningful."

Itachi sighed. "I do not know who you are," he said. "And I do not think I can answer your question. I have not answered my own to my satisfaction. I think each person can only decide what is real and what is not for themselves. We make our realities."

"My reality threatens to fall apart."

"Does it?"

Konan hesitated. "...Yes. It has."

"Under its own weight, or because of some event?"

Yahiko's death. Nagato's sacrifice. "Because of an event."

"Then there is some continuity?"

Is there? No, there couldn't be. Just two weeks ago she had nearly undone her own goals out of a perverse desire to self destruct. But I did not do so deliberately. I did not think that I should destroy all I had built. I simply did it. Had her vision of the world, her reality, completely changed as it had when Yahiko died? It was hard to remember. I stole Sasori's laptop because I wanted to do research. That much I can remember. I wanted to research this world because it was fascinating. I thought there were things in this new world worth learning of, just as I do now. It was not a reversal. It was only a different expression of the same perspective.

She sat there, stunned into limpness. "There is."

"Then something must persist." Itachi spoke in a very sure way. She had never heard him speak so certainly before. "No matter what, I always have the same questions. No matter what, there must be something that does not desert you."

My will. The answer appeared immediately. My unshakeable will. I had to research this world in order to act, and it was a guarantee that I was going to act. One way or another, I force my way forward and do things. She had never been able to stop. A proper lady was supposed to fade into the background, not impose herself. As a young girl, she defied that by sneaking out. Merely watching others act was not enough. She could not stop doing things.

Itachi smiled. With his eyes, he could see that she knew the answer. Instead of ask what it was, he turned and walked away. "I ought to stop by the aquarium today. It has been too long since I last spent time with Kisame."

Konan was too stunned to respond. The wildness that she had always been ashamed of was her ally? It was good? It was what she ought to accept? But it was that same wildness that had interfered with her relationship with Yahiko, gotten him killed, allowed her to kill and inflict horrible tortures on dozens or hundreds of others since. How could her most loathed aspects be her ally?

She remembered, not long ago, seeing a wild version of herself in a vision. Power over life and death. It was...great. Thrilling. She shivered to remember it.

What ought I to believe? And is what I should believe the same as what I will believe? I am known for being disobedient at times.

Hidan

I really shouldn't. It would be a super bad idea. Everyone would worry and feel bad, and then I'd have to feel all that, too.

Hidan frowned. He wanted to go visit the vampires, see if he could sort something out. He was immortal, so what could they actually do to hurt him? He would visit just one basement, where there couldn't be too many vampires nesting at once, and win them over. He was good at that. This was exactly the sort of wild out-there idea that appealed to him.

But the reactions other people would have restrained him. No matter how much he would enjoy this sort of adventure, he would have to feel what others felt as well. There was a possibility that he would not be able to go. And even worse, he had to sit down to think about all these considerations instead of just doing it!

Most of the time, he enjoyed his enhanced sense of people. Sometimes, he felt himself to be shackled. Other Me wouldn't have to think…

He picked up his scythe and slashed at the water in frustration. For thinking, he had chosen to sit on the lake. He sat crosslegged in the middle of it with his scythe resting next to him. It was not strange that his scythe could also sit on the water. It was a part of him, after all. He'd already checked. Using it to slice the water produced no results. Whatever relationship it had to the lake was too deeply buried for him to access.

I can't eat. I can't kill. I can't do whatever I want. What the fuck? Why do I have to put up with that shit? He knew why. It was the price he paid for being able to dance around other people fluidly, as if all their complicated dynamics were water and he was a fish. He liked that and knew it added much benefit to his life. It shouldn't be. Nothing says 'this shit isn't right' than having to have an alternate personality just to frickin' survive.

He studied the blades of his scythe. Maybe that didn't have to be true. It might be unpleasant, but perhaps he could force himself through and eat something on his own for once. The blades were red like blood. He stood up and placed the scythe in its new usual position on his back, handle down. I've never disliked blood. It smells kinda good when it's fresh. If I can get it myself, I wouldn't have to deal with that nasty old-blood smell. I should be able to get it myself. Why the fuck not?

He went in search of something small. Something that would not fight, that he could kill quickly before lit felt too much. That wasn't the sort of prey he wanted to hunt. He started to fantasize about taking down something large, something difficult to kill, something that would fight back and send his heart racing and his blood flowing, something whose downfall would make him toss his head back and laugh with the thrill…

No. First of all, we don't have moose around here. I don't think we do, anyway. And even if we did, I'd have to feel every bit of its fear. Fighting a beast like that would bring me so in sync with it, I would feel like it was me. I couldn't do it. Shit! He kicked a rock. It was a loose rock, and he kicked it in such a way that it arced up into the air to his right. Hidan leaped to his left and was up a tree before it landed. What might it flush out?

The rock landed on a tangle of bushes and thorn plants. There was a rustle as some small mammal hiding inside moved away. Now that it was moving, Hidan could see it. A groundhog. He grabbed the handle of his scythe and channeled chakra.

He leaped. He threw. He made it arc downward, slicing through the cover of vines and bush. Arms outstretched, he dove in behind it, The groundhog realized its cover was gone and attempted to run away, but it was far too slow to escape a predator already plunging out of the sky. Hidan landed on it, grabbing its legs. It thrashed, and his arms adjusted to hold it steady. He lowered his head and bit into its neck.

He bit harder than he would have thought his jaws capable of, driven into a frenzy by the smell of blood and fear shooting directly up his nostrils. If he felt the animal's fear too, it only heightened the frenzy. With a twist of his head, he broke the animal's neck. It stopped struggling. He let go just long enough to bare his teeth and strike fast. The speed helped his puny human teeth get through the groundhog's thick fur. He smelled fresh blood leaking out somewhere.

In frustration that he didn't have better teeth, he grabbed the scythe and sliced off the creature's fur. It took a few movements, no planning, and no thought at all. He bit its neck again, moving his jaw forward to slice at a certain region, and its blood began to pool in his mouth. The saltiness of it… Hidan shook, overcome by another pure feeling of the sort he had described to Itachi. This was not pure pain. It was pure pleasure. He shook as if electrified. His insides burned from inner flames. He had trouble breathing, his abdominal muscles spasming too wildly, his throat convulsing automatically as he tilted his head back and pushed the rodent's body upwards for better drainage.

He dropped it when it had no more to give, when that delicious life-sustaining syrup stopped dripping into his mouth. He crouched on the forest floor, gasping, still shuddering as if electrified. Thoughts flashed through his body. No words. There could be no words. The feeling of drool. A sharp demand from his stomach. A vision of something large, great big hooves, and his own claws, to slice and dart and dance and…

He roared. He roared as loud as he could for as long as he could, and stopped to find his vocal cords strained. And still the thoughts kept coming! The smell of blood, blood that came from something still alive, exciting him and strengthening him in battle. The burn of his muscles. The joy and glee and wild, wild triumph of taking down and drinking from this beast. Hidan began to laugh. He laughed even though his vocal cords stabbed with pain at each breath. He laughed until he was out of breath, then kept going. He only stopped after collapsing to the ground, still chuckling. The chuckling faded, leaving him taking big slow breaths to replenish his lungs. Stars danced before his eyes. Or maybe they were fireflies.

As it should, as it would, the frenzy faded. He no longer felt like slashing or biting at anything he might see. He no longer felt the vast depths of his hunger. His stomach quieted, allowing itself to be content...for now. He pushed himself up on shaking arms. It was not from the electric feeling of the frenzy. They shook from fear.

What. The. Fuck. He still felt it inside: the howling predator he could become. I didn't know I could be like that. I didn't notice how afraid it was at all. It was too small. Shit. He sat back. No. No! I am fine. I couldn't hurt a person, or a deer. I would feel that. It would stop me. Thinking about hoofed animals made him think of lambs, and of Yahiko. His appetite disappeared instantly. Oh fuck. Shit. What am I?

Here was something he had not faced before, had not spent many years exploring thoroughly. As any other person would be, he was afraid of it. He stood up, put on his scythe, and started back to the lake. He needed to wash the taste out of his mouth before it could turn bad. But for now, it still tasted good. He shivered.

All desire to run free had gone. He was glad for his shackles now. Out-there ideas had lost their appeal. He decided to not visit the vampires. Maybe they were right to be afraid of him, of that frenzy, of the bottomless hunger that could swallow the world whole.

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A/N: I have gone to the movies. The theater I went to did in fact serve chicken.

I have many thoughts on the role of fictional characters as proxies for real-life questions. I'm quite sure that the shipping wars that divided the Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom, for example, where people argued viciously about whether Katara should have ended up with Zuko or with Aang, were probably divided along the lines of different love styles. Shipping can be serious business when it is done out of a desire to discuss what love is and what it should be. Everyone can agree those are important questions. So, yes, this is a thing I believe to be true.

Deidara is not watching any actual movie that I know of.

*purr* Heehee. Hahahahaha!