A/N: I heard a really great quote recently. It's from some stranger online. The quote is, "People become whoever would have saved them that time nobody did." I've been thinking about it. Who am I becoming, and what did I need saving from? I like this quote very much.

Now on to the actual story!

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General

That night…

Yahiko rubbed his hands along the seatbelt. Nagato knew that to be a sign of great nervousness, even more than fiddling with his hair. "Yahiko? Are you okay?"

"I gave my notice today," Yahiko muttered.

Nagato threw the car back into Park. "What?"

"I had to. I made a promise."

Nagato sat there with his mouth hanging open. I thought we were close enough that I would know if he was planning a major life change. He'd done his best to make it seem like nothing had really changed. They both had. But maybe they had drifted farther apart than he realized?

"I just had to," Yahiko repeated. His voice was down to a whisper.

Nagato lowered his head while he regained control over his tear ducts. "It's okay. I just… I wish we were close enough that I would have known."

Yahiko stopped rubbing the seatbelt. "What?" He put a hand on Nagato's shoulder. "No. It's not because… I did it so suddenly because it was like an impulse. I only realized I had to this morning. I didn't have time to talk about it with anyone. If I had, I would've told you first."

Nagato raised his head. "You did something on impulse?"

"Um…" Yahiko made an effort to keep his hand where it was. "Oh. Right. I shouldn't…"

Nagato began to smile. "You used to do that all the time. Lately, you've been thinking so much, worrying so much. I've missed that guy who could drop everything to find a new home for a family of rabbits." He looked into Yahiko's face. "I don't know why you quit your job, but it's a good thing. It's good to see you again."

Yahiko teared up. "You like me being impulsive?"

"Yeah. Don't you remember? I'm the thinker and planner, and you're the visionary. I don't have such a strong sense of what is right. You do. Of course I like it when you listen to it, I'd be lost without it." Nagato blushed. Now that we're not clinging to each other pretending like we don't have separate histories, I need to get a vision of my own.

"But…" Yahiko looked down. "But my impulses are dangerous. Running off to see a demon, chasing after Konan… She worries about me. She doesn't want me to risk myself. I should think of the risks more."

"No." Nagato shook his head. "No, I cannot believe that she wants you to doubt yourself. She loved a past version of you. That means she has to love your vision too." We feel the same way about him. She couldn't hate a part of him that I love and admire so much. She couldn't. I couldn't agree with anyone who would.

"But she doesn't want me to risk myself. And I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do." Yahiko's brow furrowed. "How am I supposed to do what I think is right without taking any risks?"

Nagato put the car into Drive. "Let's find out what she really meant."

.

The scythe buried itself in Konan's gut. She looked down in surprise. Then she disintegrated into sheets of paper.

The real Konan emerged from the trees at the edge of the park. "Your epiphany about how the scythe moves has done wonders."

Hidan pulled it back, guiding it by the rope into an arc that curved to his left and straight up into the air, until gravity brought it straight down into his hand. "Fuck yeah!" He cuddled the blades against his chest. "I can't believe I ever wanted to force you into straight lines. I don't fucking move in straight lines. How could I expect that?"

Konan placed a hand on his shoulder. "You have made a lot of progress towards making your scythe into a real weapon." She glanced up at the sky. "It's getting late. We ought to return to base."

They ran. He glanced at her. She glanced at him. They sped up, faster and faster until they were tearing apart plants and damaging pavement like they had two weeks before. This time, Hidan did not need to leap into the air. Simply running that far was enough to use up his chakra. "Wahoo!" he exclaimed. It could not be determined if he sounded so happy in spite or because of the chakra vessels in his body painfully clamping shut.

Konan landed next to him. She also could not determine if she liked or disliked the cramping pains in her legs. "You cannot be completely using up all of your chakra," she said while breathing hard. She felt rather lightheaded. "If you did, your vital organs would not be able to function. You are not having a seizure right now."

Hidan was, however, feeling woozy. "It feels like I can't reach my chakra now," he said. "I can't use all of it."

"That would make sense."

Hidan shook his head to clear it and checked the parking space. Kakuzu's black pickup was there. "Imma go see what Kakuzu's been up to," he said. Konan followed.

They found Kakuzu and Deidara arguing in hushed whispers. Well, Kakuzu was arguing. Deidara was grinning and trying to suppress a snicker. Hidan's eyes lit up. "What's going on?"

Kakuzu shot Deidara a death glare. If he revealed that Kakuzu was actually having fun…

Deidara continued to snicker. After breakfast, he'd looked for a place to relax and have some fun, which resulted in him crossing paths with Kakuzu. The older man's explanation that he was casing the place for a scam didn't sound quite right. It sounded even less right after Deidara played him a couple times and found that Kakuzu was using the casual rules. He couldn't help but snicker at the thought of Kakuzu's favorite hobby being the favorite hobby of relaxed people who wore Hawaiian shirts and said "dude" a lot. Kakuzu seemed like the kind of guy who should be going out hunting instead.

"Nothing," Deidara answered.

Hidan scowled. "You're fucking shitting me!"

Deidara grinned. "Absolutely nothing, yeah."

"You little- "

Konan cleared her throat. "Report," she said. "Has anything happened today?"

Deidara blushed faintly. Hidan's predatory senses picked up on it instantly. "How'd your date go?" he asked.

"Really well, yeah," Deidara answered in a dreamy voice. "Did you know she eats almost a whole gyro for breakfast?"

Hidan's eyes widened. "Fuck. You'd better hold onto her. That's fucking awesome."

Kakuzu sighed. "Nothing dangerous or potentially dangerous has happened to us. Nothing of relevance to anyone else whatsoever."

Hidan shot him a glare. Konan nodded. "Very well."

After that, she paused. What can I do except gather reports? Gathering reports was the reason she had insisted on returning, but it couldn't be all she did. These clones were more than just her coworkers. She had to interact socially sometimes. I admit I am out of practice at simply having friends. Hidan is not. I shall follow his lead. She asked Deidara what movie they had seen. The resulting conversation was pleasant, soothing, in a way she could not identify and which had nothing to do with the actual words being exchanged at all. What is this? She concluded that friendship felt good, just in time for the car to drive up.

Konan bowed her head. "Good luck." She turned toward Nagato and Yahiko. "Report. Has anything happened today?"

That stopped the both of them in their tracks. "Uh…" Nagato's eyes flicked toward Yahiko, who suddenly looked very uncomfortable. Konan felt what chakra she had left rise, lending strength to her muscles and clarity to her thoughts. Something had most definitely happened today, and she needed to know exactly what it was.

"I gave my notice at my job," Yahiko squeaked out in a choked whisper.

Gave notice? He must mean left. What does it mean to change jobs in this world? We have already discussed that the work one performs is not tied to one's identity in this world, so it may be unimportant. But if it was unimportant, why would he be so tense? I must find out what this means. "What else?"

"I have something I would like to ask you about," Nagato murmured. "It's a favor. For one of the dogs. Not really important."

If it's not important, why does he mention it? A stalling tactic? "What else?"

They both went tensely quiet. Yes, there was something else. Something that they were hesitant to talk about, here, with several others listening. Konan knew she should take them away somewhere more private to discuss whatever it was. But, to her surprise, Hidan's words appeared in her head. This is taking it too far. Suddenly, a fuse of patience she didn't know she had burned out, and she couldn't make it that far. "Report," she ordered again, in a decidedly harsher tone. I can, it seems, get tired of being discreet and private. That is a surprise. I know I am considered to be similar to Hidan, but in that way?

Surprisingly, it was Yahiko who responded. "What did you mean?" he asked her. "I know you're concerned for my safety. You wanted me to not risk myself by acting impulsively. So now, I think through everything I want to do, and whether it's right or not, but Nagato says I shouldn't doubt myself, but doubt is just when happens when you think about if something's right or not and I'm supposed to be doing that, but… I'm confused. Should I trust my instincts and take risks, or not?"

Her first instinct was to say not. You ran to ask a demon how to kill demons! That sort of foolishness…! You aren't afraid of what you should be afraid of. But her second instinct kicked in, making her feel shame even before she knew why. But because of my concern, he doubts himself? His bright, strong spirit, the hope that can give light to the world - he doesn't trust it? It was true that he had had a smile on his face while asking Nagato to kill him, but that didn't mean she hated his smile. It was the smile that could change a thousand hearts. For a brief time, she pushed away the memory of his death. What about his life? What have I done?

Nagato relaxed. He could see it in her shoulders. She did not want Yahiko to doubt himself after all. That was just what Nagato had thought. It was just what he had hoped. Now if she could just clarify what she did want so Yahiko could get back to his old, beautiful self…

Konan opened her mouth to say no, that wasn't what she meant. But the moment of clarity ended. The memory of his death rushed in. How had he said such horrible words so quickly? She faltered. His instincts were beautiful, but they had killed him. He smiled while asking Nagato to do the impossible. Something about them must be wrong in order to allow such perversion to occur. Properly suited instincts wouldn't be corrupted to lead to such horrible ends. Yet… Flawed or not, they were his instincts. They were the very same things she had always seen as beautiful. What is going on? Beautiful or flawed? Wonderful or corrupt? This doesn't make any sense!

"It's complicated," Hidan said while Konan wrestled with herself.

Yahiko nodded. He could understand that. I really am a lamb. My instincts tell me to go talk to the demon. But would I ask anybody else to do that? No I wouldn't. I'd save anybody else from the dangerous dog, but I walked right up to Wave the first time we met her without any concern. And my thoughts sounded like they hated me. There's something wrong with me. How can she possibly say it's okay to trust instincts like that when she wants me to be safe? If Nagato knew, would he still ask me to trust them? I can't trust me. I'm bad inside somewhere.

Konan still wrestled with herself. How can he be both wonderful and horrible at the same time? Those two are contradictory! She was no closer to having an answer, and sensed she would not be for a long, long time. She was going to have to do the unthinkable. She was going to have to give him no answer. That's impossible for a leader to do. I must have something to say. I must not… But leadership was viewed differently in this world. They would not fault her for showing weakness. It was hard to remember that.

Nagato looked between Yahiko and Konan. She was going to say what she really wanted, right? She was going to clarify the matter so everything could be as it should be. Right?

Hidan felt like he was being pulled apart. Two things he wanted, two very good things, pulling him in opposite ways. On the one hand, Konan. On the other hand, his Sun and Moon. I can't fucking take this anymore! His hands curled into fists. He would destroy that feeling with the might of a thousand suns. And he knew just how to do it.

Kakuzu and Deidara twitched, their hands reaching for weapons they didn't possess. In less than a blink of the eye Hidan had blurred from his former position to directly behind Konan. Konan also began to form paper weapons out of reflex, but she was not fast enough. Before her sleeves could dissolve into more than a few dozen sheets, he was pushing her forward, directly into -

Yahiko stumbled backward, but did not fall. He brought his arms up without meaning to. They both did. It took a moment to realize what was happening. He and Konan were hugging, for the second time ever.

The shock of it brought back memories of the first time. I passed. She tested my character, my self, everything I am, and it was enough. I didn't have time to think. It was all instinct. And my instincts were enough.

Konan gasped. The memory of his death broke apart, faded away. It wasn't real. That was a long time ago with a different man. This Yahiko was not a threat. She had realized, but forgotten it. This Yahiko would not throw himself forward and lie there in a pool of pink and gray. She would not hide herself next to him and see him still, so still, his face drained and lifeless and yet smiling at her. That would not happen.

She closed her eyes. "Trust yourself."

He did.

Kisame

The price for a conversation with the most senior of the medical staff, the one who Kisame trusted, was a meal. The doctor sighed, took off his coat, unbuttoned his shirt, and sat back in the booth of his favorite Chinese food restaurant. He sipped at his water and studied the menu leisurely.

Kisame was still fired up and a little impatient, but he understood why the doctor had made this his price. The doctor was a fairly old man. He was the most trusted of the medical staff by everybody, which meant he had to field most of the problems of the entire aquarium. Being a doctor was never easy in the first place. It was easy to understand why he asked for, in exchange for listening, a relaxed stay somewhere quiet and peaceable. Kisame was the one to ask what his favorite place to eat was, in the hopes that it would make things go extra smoothly. So he studied the menu just as leisurely and did not make a single impatient move.

Minutes passed. They ordered. Kisame, as always, was on the lookout for such things, so he noticed that the doctor did not order anything terribly expensive. He didn't distrust the man; he just considered it a good habit to check whether someone was taking advantage of him. Where's the line? When do good habits like that become paranoia? he wondered. They waited for the first dishes to arrive in silence.

When the first dishes arrived, the doctor carefully tied a piece of cloth he had brought around his neck to protect his shirt. Then they began to eat. Kisame waited until they had both taken a few bites and the doctor swallowed his mouthful to begin speaking. "I wanted to talk about a favor for a friend."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "What sort of favor can someone like me do for that boy with the dark eyes?"

"Not him. Another friend."

Another raised eyebrow. "You have multiple friends now?"

Kisame smiled. "Three. I know, I'm surprised too."

The doctor chuckled and resumed eating. Another couple minutes passed before he put his spoon down. "What is this new friend of yours like?"

"He's quiet," Kisame answered. "Keeps his opinions to himself. Doesn't bother anybody. Well, except for the times when he does bother somebody, but nobody minds because it's funny. He's actually intense and fun beneath that calm appearance."

The doctor considered this. "You have a fondness for people who keep their real selves hidden beneath a shell."

Kisame stabbed at his food with his fork. Itachi was quiet most of the time. Sasori always looked unaffected. And Kakuzu pretended to be grumpy all the time, when really he could be thoughtful and excited. "Yeah. I guess you're right." But Konan's like that too, and she isn't remotely close to being a friend. Maybe that's just because I don't like what I've seen beneath her shell.

The doctor smiled. "That's good," he said. "I like that about you. Perhaps, one day, they'll coax you a little ways out of your shell."

Kisame put his fork down. "I hope so. I've been feeling a little...trapped lately."

The doctor raised his bowl of soup. "Tightness is the first sign of having outgrown your old skin."

I am not a turtle or a crab. I am a shark. I shouldn't have a skin to outgrow. I should swim freely. What the hell am I doing? Kisame shook his head. "Anyway. I have an idea that could help him out. But I don't know if it would be a good idea for the exhibits. I don't know what they're physically capable of." He carefully explained about the bicycles, keeping an eye on the doctor the whole time to gauge his reaction. The doctor, like Sasori, appeared unaffected. Kisame would have expected someone hiding their honest reaction to stimulate his paranoia, but instead it soothed him. How did that work? "So the question I need to know is, can octopi throw things? I know they're troublemakers, so that seems like the biggest risk."

"Octopuses cannot throw things the same way we can," the doctor said. "I've seen them throw sand and small rocks by placing these things in front of their siphon and squirting water. Small balls could be too big for them to do that with. The greater danger would be if these toys damaged their maintenance systems, by getting stuck in pipes for example."

Kisame stabbed at his food in silence. After the initial flush of enthusiasm had faded somewhat, he had developed doubts. "If they're bored, give them toys" began to seem like a child's logic. If it were that simple, someone would have already done it. Nothing in the real world was that simple. He felt embarrassed to have brought it up.

"Have you worked on maintenance systems?" the doctor asked.

"Some. From the outside."

"Ask someone in maintenance about that," the doctor advised. "If small balls could get trapped in pipes, octopuses could squeeze their bodies through those same pipes. Most likely they are enclosed. A ball light enough to be thrown might not have the force to do damage to an enclosed system. But that's as far as my knowledge extends."

Kisame looked up. "You think I should keep asking about this?"

"Of course. It's a fine idea." The doctor looked at him fondly.

"I was just thinking if it was that easy, someone would have already thought of it," Kisame muttered. "It's the sort of idea a little kid would think of."

"Little children have great ideas. There is nothing wrong with being childlike." The doctor smiled. "You know, you have a lot of growing up to do yourself."

Kisame's hands cured into fists. There is nothing wrong with having spent my life being satisfied with who and what I filled it with. I am allowed to be satisfied. But now he was not. That time was over. Still, he detested the implication that the previous decades of his life had somehow been ill spent. The doctor finished his soup like nothing at all had happened. He then started on his plate. Kisame forced his hands to relax. He didn't mean anything by it. He was just making a comment. He resumed eating as well.

They finished peacefully. Kisame asked for the check. While he waited for it to come, he said, "Thanks."

"For what? This was your treat." Kisame couldn't tell if the doctor was actually puzzled or not. The man was enigmatic, just like the other people Kisame liked. Huh. What is it that I like about people who don't react to things? Why do I feel comfortable around that?

"Thanks for the pointers. For what I need to ask next," Kisame clarified.

"Oh. Well, of course. Anything for a friend."

He thinks of me as a friend? Kisame suddenly felt strange inside. He liked what the doctor said, but in a way that hurt. He didn't know what to say in response. Anything he could have said would have been too small to contain the meaning he wanted to say. He grunted instead.

After paying, waving goodbye, and leaving, Kisame did not start his car immediately. He called Itachi. Itachi answered on the third ring, which was unusual for him. He normally responded immediately or not at all. "Yes?" Itachi asked.

"Are you busy?"

"You wouldn't call me unless it was for something important."

Kisame shrugged. "Alright. Itachi, what do you think it means when people who don't respond are reassuring?"

"It may mean you're afraid of response itself," Itachi said. "Of others responding too strongly, perhaps."

Kisame thought about that. We've already established that I'm more vulnerable to embarrassment than I would like to be. I shouldn't care about what others think that much. "What do I do about that?"

"You ought to talk to Yahiko more," Itachi advised. "He has the same problem, and seems to have found the same solution."

Really? Dammit. How does he see these things? Did I miss that because I was too absorbed in my own problems? "Thanks. Good luck with whatever you're doing."

"The same to you."

Itachi

Itachi had returned and been interrogated already. Hidan and Deidara had been very startled to hear he'd had lunch with a woman who was interested in him. "I just never imagined you dating, hm," Deidara had said. Itachi now wondered about his preferences for romance and other things. Deidara's imagination was accurate: he'd never dated before. What did he like?

That was a question to be contemplated later. The symbol still scattered his thoughts too much to allow proper contemplation. Itachi hung up and took a deep breath. He was very glad he'd already discussed this exact thing with Yahiko. Otherwise, he might not have been able to answer Kisame. Even connections as obvious as "lack of response = good, therefore response = bad" eluded him here in the basement.

He continued taking deep breaths. Breathing is good for meditation. Was he meditating? Meditation involved thinking, right? Itachi knew he should be able to determine whether he was meditating or not. Yet his own knowledge was just beyond his reach. He gave up the struggle and returned to breathing. I should try not to force anything. Forcing things...ah...has bad results. He couldn't concentrate enough to recall what exactly the bad results were. They were too subtle to be easily grasped.

At least the symbol is not frightening me. With effort, Itachi determined that he was only frustrated. He did not seem to be afraid of the effects the symbol was having on him. Good. I wanted not to be afraid, after… Ah, right, the succubus. I was not afraid of her today. Why did I want to be unafraid, then? ...Oh, right, because I wanted even more of that feeling of freedom. Of course. It seemed confusing for a second there. He rubbed his forehead. Is this how other people feel when I explain my thoughts to them?

That was another question in need of his full contemplative capacity. He'd already established he was not afraid, so there was no need to stay here. Itachi got up to leave. As he opened the door, he paused and looked back. The symbol felt like a weight on his mind. Nothing else had ever made him feel the way it felt. The only thing he could imagine making him feel this way was an illegal substance, and he had a healthy fear of those for exactly that reason. How did he feel about living above such a thing? Itachi looked at the symbol and felt its weight in his head for a while. Then he blinked, turned away, and closed the door behind himself.

Immediately, some of the strain on his mind lifted. Itachi remembered an article he had read once about a study that found that the symbolic representation of doors as places of transition, the idea that one side of a door was fundamentally different from the other side, led to interesting mental phenomena. Could that unconscious belief be what gave the basement door the power to shut the symbol in? Ah, it feels good to think freely again.

He went up the stairs and found Yahiko. "Kisame is working to overcome his reluctance to face others' possible judgments," he said. "You two could work together to make greater progress."

"Kisame?" Yahiko asked. "But he's the most self-assured guy I've ever met."

"Sometimes the people who seem to be most self-assured are really the ones who most need to be self-assured because they have nothing else," Itachi said.

Yahiko blinked. "I'm trying to understand it, but I don't. I'll keep trying."

Itachi felt the urge to just tell him what was meant, but restrained himself. Perhaps he should let Yahiko figure things out on his own? But then, Yahiko was already doing plenty of that. A properly placed hint might be just what he needed. "If he was capable of tolerating a lack of assurance or a criticism from someone else, would he have to limit himself to only seeking reassurance from himself?"

Yahiko's eyes widened. That, he understood. My job is done. "Good luck," Itachi said before leaving.

Yahiko

Yahiko closed his door. He found a bookmark and closed his book too. No more reading tonight. Whatever he could read about was far less interesting than what Itachi had provided for him to think about.

I do the opposite of that. I seek reassurance from others, even though I'm terrified of being judged. I don't have any self assurance at all. When I do reassure myself, I just tell myself things Nagato said. How was that similar and how was that different to how Itachi had described Kisame? Yahiko summoned up all his memories of the shark man and tried to resee them in this new light. I can't see it. He doesn't seem unconfident at all. He's not closed off - he cuddles Samehada with no problem. How can someone be so open with their affections and be closed off? I don't understand.

It was true that nobody had ever criticized him for his relationship with Samehada, not once. But Yahiko had never been criticized either and he still lived in fear. Could that be different? Maybe knowing that he could be self assured and he didn't have to always risk others' judgment gave Kisame confidence that Yahiko lacked. Every time I want to be assured, I have to talk to someone. At least he doesn't have to do that. That could be it.

Not to mention that Samehada was so kind and sweet. Yahiko sighed. I wish I had someone like Samehada. Someone close to me, a life partner, who would always accept me just the way I am. Nagato was the closest thing, but some kind of wall between them had never been breached. They just didn't talk about things like that. Hopes and dreams, yes, but love and fears… Neither of them had families to love them, and both had experienced some horrible event to explain why. It seemed most rude to bring up something that they both knew would hurt. So they hadn't. And now, bringing up things like that was just something they Didn't Do. And Hidan's not that sort of life partner. I have to make an effort to hang out with him alone. We don't have that sort of rhythm.

Did I miss my chance? Yahiko drew his knees up and huddled on his bed. He didn't know how to change something that already was. I need to start right. I have to put that rhythm in from the beginning. That means I need someone to begin with…

Well, he had never talked with Kisame in this way before, and Itachi had done all the hard work of opening up an opportunity for him to. That would have to do.

.

A/N: I did read an article about doors and their effects on the mind. You know how sometimes people walk from one room into another and forget what they came in for? As far as I can recall, the article suggested that was because of simply passing through the door. Just stepping through a door caused a slight shift in the mind, because a door is a place of transition, and that slight shift interferes with remembering what you had planned to do when you were on the other side of the door. Fascinating!

A most excellent Thanksgiving to all my US readers, and a happy week to everyone!