A/N: First snow today! That's right, winter is starting. So are the Christmas songs! I like Christmas music and it does not play so loudly in my head that it interferes with my thoughts, so I foresee no problems with listening to it at my job. I only dislike music being played repetitively when I disliked it to begin with or it drowns out my thoughts. Why do other people dislike Christmas music being played repetitively? If you have an answer, please tell me!

I should make it clear now that I have no idea how the later arcs of Shippuden are timed. I tried looking up timelines, but all I could find was timelines of the war itself (covering all of two days) and timelines of when the first, second, third and fourth wars happened. The first is too close up, the second too distant. I just want to know when all the Akatsuki members died relative to each other, goshdarnit! Is that too much to ask?! I can't be the only one who measures the passage of time in Shippuden by Akatsuki members' deaths, can I?

Because of this frustrating refusal of any online source to tell me what I actually want to know, all references to how much time passed between canon events are my best guesstimate. I did, however, find a source that said certain events leading up to those incredibly eventful two days actually happened really quickly, which suggests that certain events in this story could happen earlier than I was originally planning...

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General

The remaining reports went as follows:

Yahiko: "I thought about how people think of me as a lamb, and tried to think of something else I could be. But I think I'll stick with being a lamb."

Nagato: "Aside from that favor, I don't have anything else to say. Nothing of note happened today."

Kisame: "Just a bunch of personal stuff. Nothing important."

Samehada: Happy happy good! He licked Kisame's hair and warbled.

Sasori: "Laurie and I have made progress on figuring out how our business is going to work. Ruta's an excellent trainee so far. And the bicycles are -" *ring*

Everyone glanced in surprise at Sasori. The room was occupied by people who had made reports already and had nothing else to do. Yahiko and Nagato had left in order to avoid turning a very good moment into painful awkwardness, so everyone except them was present. Sasori took his phone out and looked at the number of the person who was calling him. He didn't recognize it. "Could be a scam call," he murmured as he answered it. Before Konan appeared, he would have assumed so and not answered. But times were different. Phone calls and texts had assumed a life-threatening level of importance.

The way everybody else continued to stare at him showed that they felt the same. Sasori held his phone up to his ear and said nothing. That was the usual procedure for scam calls. If it was a machine on the other end, the call would drop after a few seconds. The call did not drop.

"Mm...hello?" a man's voice asked slowly.

"Hello," Sasori said. "Who is this?"

A sigh. "My name is Shikaku," the man said. "I got this number from the tailor. Are you one of the people with the dark robes?"

Sasori's normally composed face fell apart. He looked visibly stunned. Everyone else in the room leaned forward, looking at him with burning intensity. Who was he talking to? Sasori was keenly aware of the eyes on him. He was very glad his soul had been healed so that he didn't fear being looked at anymore. "Yeah. That's us," he said.

"Do you happen to know anything about the people who raced through town at inhumanly fast speeds?" Shikaku asked. "If they are people. It shouldn't be possible for a human to move that fast."

Sasori winced. Uh oh. People like us, but they don't know anything about ninja life. His protective urge blazed. They were like children. He must educate them so they would be safe. "That's not how this works. Have you felt something like a current of warm water running through you?" Anybody who had been sitting or leaning sprang to their feet.

"Yes."

"That's called chakra. It allows people to run that fast."

"Hm. And what about the giant bird that some of my associates have seen? It's -"

"Deidara's owl."

Shikaku paused. "I'm sorry?"

"That's Deidara's clay owl," Sasori explained. "He can make animals out of clay and command them to do things. The owl is good for riding on."

There was a long silence. "So it is not a beast that will feed people to its chicks," Shikaku concluded.

"It is not."

"That will be reassuring."

"Where can we meet you and your associates?" Sasori asked. "You people need to learn about a lot of things, ASAP."

"Do we?" Shikaku asked. "It was enough to have my questions answered. Honestly, all the weird things we've seen around here… They seem like a drag. Most of us would prefer not to get involved."

Sasori twitched. "Not get involved? Oh... " He squeezed his eyes shut. "That doesn't happen."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Shikaku said. "We've been fine so far."

"When you go to the bar, and get hypnotized by an impossibly attractive woman, and try to ask who that was only to be informed it was a soul-stealing demon by a bartender who seems not to know that demons shouldn't exist, you'll know what I'm talking about," Sasori promised.

There was a pause. "Soul stealing?"

"Yeah."

"Is there a way to restore your soul?"

"There's a lake you can take a dip in, or you can go to religious sites," Sasori said. He glanced at Itachi. Itachi nodded.

"Excuse me." Shuffling sounds. "Where is this lake?"

"In the forest, about north of the suburb," Sasori estimated. By now, he was starting to put two and two together. Shikaku already knew about the hypnotic women. He or someone he knew visited them often enough that losing parts of their soul was a legitimate concern. I am glad he called me now. If he hadn't gotten in contact with us, who knows what could have happened? What does losing too much of your soul do to you?

Shikaku was smart enough to have realized the same thing. "I've changed my mind," he said. "Where would be a good place to meet?"

"Give me a moment." Sasori lowered his phone and covered it with one hand. "Unknown but not large number of people, wishing to meet with us. Where would be a good place?"

Konan tilted her head. "The location must not be too out of their way, but somewhat remote from their usual areas." Undoubtedly that was the same logic she had used to get them all to come to this abandoned building that fateful night.

"The park, yeah," Deidara suggested. "It's nice and large so no matter how many show up, it won't be crowded. We could catch an NPC and show them something weird to demonstrate, too."

Konan nodded. "The fact that all others without chakra are oblivious and will not raise suspicions is the most important news they can possibly learn. The park is a good place."

Sasori uncovered the phone. "The park in the center of town."

"I see. Saturday would...not be a good day. How is this Sunday, around noon?"

Sasori covered his phone again. "Sunday around noon?" He received unanimous nods. "It is good."

"Good." Shikaku paused. "Thank you."

"It's no trouble. See you." Sasori ended the call, summoned up his courage, and faced the crowd.

"Who was that?"

"What did they want?"

"More ninjas?"

"How'd they find you, yeah?"

"How can there be more ninjas around here?"

Konan stood at Sasori's side and sprouted her paper wings, raising them high. Everyone fell silent. "One question at a time is enough," she said sternly. Everyone else looked suitably abashed. She turned to Sasori and said, gently, "Summary."

One week she's stealing my laptop, and the next she's protecting me from overly harsh questions. What is she? Sasori had no idea what to think about her. Right now, at this moment, he could see why she had used to be thought of as an angel, but he still remembered clearly how strongly she had resembled a demon. Can what Ruta said really make that much of a difference… Regardless, it was best to go with the flow of the moment. He summarized the call. "I was just talking to a man named Shikaku. He saw people in dark cloaks running faster than possible through town, went to the tailor, and got my number. He's felt chakra before and the people he's with have seen enough weird things that they were able to guess that Deidara's bird might be some bird-beast from myth, but they don't know anything about what's really going on around here. He thought that was fine until I described the succubi. He knows somebody who's lost a bit too much of their soul. After that, he was willing to meet."

"Shikaku…" Konan tilted her head. "I may know that name. A strategist of Konoha, as I recall. Of a family renowned for their intelligence and low effort."

"He did say dealing with weird things sounded like a drag." Sasori wondered what else she would be able to say about Shikaku's people once she met them. How many would she recognize? What would their originals be like? Come to think of it… "Speaking of originals, have you ever talked about Sakumo and his people? What were their originals like?"

"Aside from having died decades ago," Kakuzu recalled.

"Wait a sec. Can we explain that now?" Hidan asked. "With the bushes and shit? Could they capture something decades old?"

Konan thought about it, and was forced to shrug. "No. And regarding Sakumo: no, I do not know very much about him or his clan. I knew that he was a strong shinobi, known by the title of Konoha's White Fang. I did not imagine he had anything to do with literal animals until I met him in this world. The fact that the whole Hatake clan is half beast is news to me."

"What is Konoha?" Sasori asked. "You've mentioned it twice now."

"Why does it sound familiar?" Hidan wondered aloud.

"Because I already told you about it, Hidan. Konohagakure is the Village Hidden in the Leaves, one of the five great ninja villages of my world. The most powerful shinobi of recent times come from there." Konan was startled to realize she hadn't recently thought about how history was progressing in her world. Much can change in a few weeks. What has happened? How is Naruto?

"Oh, yeah." Hidan clapped his hands. "I remember that! You said my original was from the Village of Hot Fucking Water. Pathetic and tiny. Not even a little impressive."

"Which makes the fact that your original was what he was more impressive by comparison," Konan said. Hidan stopped pouting.

Everyone took a moment to think about that. Five villages. No, just five great villages. Probably a bunch of not-great ones also exist, like Hidan's. Village of Hot Water? Really? Who would name a ninja village after hot water? Village Hidden in the Leaves isn't too impressive either, but at least it sounds sneaky. Sneaky forest ninjas, creeping up on you through the trees. What are the other four called?

"Hey, wait," Hidan said. "You said something about leaves flying whenever a Leaf ninja got excited, right? Leaves make them more powerful? What kinds of villages do we come from? Will they make us more powerful?""

Kisame snorted. Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Really? The name of the place where they live? You think that matters?"

"She said leaves go flying whenever they get excited." Hidan pointed to Konan.

"It is true," Konan said. "I've seen it myself. It's eerie. Remember, villages are not simply places to live in my world. It is not impossible that one's village determines much more than their political affiliation."

Kakuzu shook his head. "I can believe a lot more things than I used to, but not that. Do you have any proof?"

"What villages did we come from?" Hidan asked. "That sort of thing might not be in the stuff we got from our originals, but it might, right?"

Konan nodded. "Let's see… Sasori came from the Village Hidden in the Sand, Itachi from the Hidden Leaf, Kakuzu from the Hidden Waterfall, Deidara from the Hidden Stone, Nagato, Yahiko and I from the Hidden Rain, and Kisame from the Hidden Mist. Samehada as well - he was a traditional sword of the Mist's Seven Swordsman."

"I have not seen leaves behave strangely around me," Itachi said.

"Neither have I," Sasori said. "The back lot of the auto shop is sandy. I've never seen it do anything."

"Fuckin' A," Hidan muttered while staring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu met his gaze. Sympathy was exchanged.

Samehada made a loud chirr that grabbed everyone's attention. What is mist?

Kisame and Hidan tried to figure out what he was saying. "I got nothing," Hidan said. "Too many people around."

"Do you have something to say, or are you asking a question?" Kisame asked. Samehada made a questioning noise. "Okay, a question. Was it in response to Konan?" Samehada nodded.

"Shit, I don't know if anyone told you," Hidan said. "According to Konan, your original was a sword. But like, a living sword, with feelings and shit. It's weird."

Samehada repeated his questioning noise. Hidan rubbed his chin. "So you weren't asking about that?" Samehada shook his head. Although, it was interesting news to hear. What is a sword, and why is it weird to be alive?

Kisame thought hard about Samehada asking about the vampires. Could he anticipate his friend's needs and answer his questions? Could he understand what Samehada was saying? I want to figure it out. I want to give him answers! He was so close to understanding. He strained and strained, until at last, he needed to strain no longer. His whole body and mind relaxed. It was so obvious what Samehada had been asking about. "Mist is a kind of weather where little drops of water are flying around in the air," Kisame said. "Like rain, except that the drops aren't large enough to fall."

Samehada rumbled. But didn't humans drown in water? Mist must be very dangerous.

Hidan detected a bit of worry. "Nah," he said. "Drops that small can't drown people." Samehada relaxed.

Konan cleared her throat. "Ahem. Now that that is finished… We must plan for this meeting."

"Hold a sec while I grab our diplomats. This is important shit." Hidan ran from the room and returned with Nagato and Yahiko in tow.

Yahiko glanced at Kisame, but refrained. Whatever was happening now was more important than what he wanted. Nagato, too, shook off his displeasure at having been interrupted in the middle of a short story. "What's happened?"

"We have made contact with another group of world clones," Konan said. "They are unstructured and have no understanding of chakra or any of the strange phenomena around here. They have agreed to meet with us so that we may educate them."

"They're probably the same people we saw way out north in the forest, yeah," Deidara added. "Kakuzu and I saw a place that people used, but not often, and it had signs of ninja stuff, hm."

"Signs of ninja stuff?" Nagato was no longer displeased. His brain had fully shifted over to strategic thinking mode. "We should print out a copy of Ruta's document to bring. Using chakra without knowing what it can do might be dangerous."

Konan took a pen from the lobby desk and created a sheet of paper. "Revise and print Ruta's document," she said while writing those same words on the paper. "Good idea. Now, how many of us should be there to meet them?"

"Well, we don't want to scare them," Yahiko said. "How many of them are there?"

"Unknown."

"Not a lot of them," Sasori clarified. "Otherwise we'd have met them before now. There's Shikaku, his friend who sees the succubi too often, some 'associates'... Their group might be about the same size as ours."

"Then all of us can go," Yahiko said. "And if only a few of them show up, well, only a few of us can do the talking and everybody else could be just there for demonstrations. Where's it happening?"

"The park, yeah," Deidara said. "Lots of room to spread out, do other things so we don't look too intense."

"Awesome!"

"We should dress in our normal clothes," Nagato suggested. "Our cloaks are impressive, but they're also impressive. We don't want to be intimidating."

Konan added Dress like civilians to the list. The idea made her spine tingle. Being so exposed in front of people… I may not be able to address them as I normally would. "That will make it slightly more difficult to address them."

"No," Hidan said. "When he said normal, he meant normal. The cloak is your normal. You keep wearing it."

"Oh God no," Nagato agreed. "You would seem really out of place, acting like a ninja but not dressing like one. I didn't mean you should. That wouldn't be right."

Konan silently added Excepting myself to her paper. It was a relief to not be forced out of her cherished uniform. But at the same time, it was sad to hear Nagato say that she wouldn't look right in anything else. Have I trapped myself in this one role? Is this all I can be? I used to take our uniform off sometimes, back when the three of us were together. When I took it off, I was just an ordinary girl spending time with my boyfriend. Is that part of myself gone? Konan could not remember the last time she had done any ordinary girlish things. The shinobi life was her whole life now.

"Besides the document, what else should we bring?" she asked.

"Not too much," Kakuzu advised. "They don't need weapons demonstrations. They don't need giant spiders. The small spider and the owl, yes."

"The scythe," Nagato said.

Hidan bristled. "As if I'd leave my fucking precious behind!"

"I know," Nagato said, raising his hands. "It's just that, if they want to test their chakra, we should bring materials for that. It would be a good idea to bring our own wood - I don't think the park maintenance people would like unauthorized chopping."

Bring wood to test elements. "In that case, a vehicle may be required."

Sasori was already on his phone. "Sunday is forecasted to be cloudy with a small chance of rain. There will be lots of wind."

"Absolutely no demonstration of fire jutsu then, and a greater minimum distance from the scythe when testing," Nagato ordered. "It might make testing lightning chakra difficult. If nothing seems to happen, Hidan could always touch the scythe to find out the hard way."

"If there is rain, I can make a shelter," Konan offered.

"Out of paper?"

Yahiko touched his cheek. "Yeah, your paper's all oily, right? It didn't make a good bandage." Konan nodded.

"So it would be fine if we all walked," Sasori concluded. "That means one vehicle, just to carry the wood." He looked at Kakuzu. He didn't say it out loud, which was smart, because it wouldn't do to give Kakuzu the idea if he didn't already have it.

Unfortunately he did have it. "Payment will be required," Kakuzu said.

"Goddammit," Sasori muttered under his breath.

"Your payment will be the knowledge that you have helped vulnerable people," Konan told him. He glared at her. She stared blankly back. Her amber eyes seemed to sparkle, and once again he got the feeling of being loomed over although she was shorter than he was. Kakuzu crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, relenting.

"How much should we tell them?" Itachi asked. "They can peruse the document as they like, but we ought to be more careful about what we say."

"I know how to talk about hard shit," Hidan declared. "First, you stick to whatever they ask about. Then, if there's something really central you have to get to, then you can steer toward that if they don't ask about it."

"What's central?" Yahiko asked Nagato.

"The different elements," Nagato said. "And everything that chakra can do in its plain form. Everything miscellaneous. If any of them have unusual eyes or other features, we should talk about that too."

"After we give them a quick description of what can be found where and how dangerous it is," Sasori reminded him.

"Right. We're not just telling them about ninja stuff." Nagato blushed faintly.

"Should we tell them about the soul bush things?" Deidara asked. "They might want to know why they exist, yeah."

"Fuck," Kisame swore. "Before we get to any of that, we're going to have to tell them the same things Konan told us that first night. I sure wasn't willing to hear any more after that. Why would they stick around?"

That was a risk. Everyone fell quiet. Everyone except for Hidan. "That's why you bring up the core shit after you answer their questions," he said patiently, as if explaining basic math to a child. "The more natural it is, the more comfortable they are."

"Even though they have to know some basic stuff in order to understand?" Deidara asked.

"If they ask about something where they need to know basic shit, that's when you explain that they need to know something first and start explaining it. Not before."

Itachi nodded. "Self guided learning can be much more effective than required lectures and readings. A person can develop an intimate understanding of their area of interest that way."

"What I'm hearing is, 'Let Hidan lead the way,' yeah," Deidara said. Everyone looked at Konan. She nodded. Hidan started to scratch his head.

"I'm a lot better at shit that comes up in the moment," he muttered.

"That's a good thing," Nagato said. He put a reassuring hand on Hidan's shoulder. "Just relax for the next few days. Focus on other things. That way, on Sunday, it'll be just another moment."

Yahiko was shocked. What? But doesn't more planning make things better? If he works well in the moment, shouldn't planning make it even more well? But Nagato's words suggested an alternative way of thinking. He implied that working in the moment and working after a long stretch of planning were different things, and that one could be sacrificed in order to improve the other. I've always been pretty spontaneous. Is trying to plan things working against me? How can more planning make something worse? But that was exactly what Nagato was saying. Yahiko had to at least consider the possibility.

"Good idea," Kisame said. "I've got other stuff I want to do anyway." He pushed himself off the desk and walked down the hallway to his room. As he passed, he elbowed Yahiko in the arm. Yahiko nodded as if he was agreeing, and followed.

Samehada slithered through the door first and curled up on his bed in the corner. Yahiko sat next to his bed so he could pet the shark. "I just figured something out," he began.

Kisame huffed. "I'm not exactly eager to talk about all my feelings. Sure. What'd you figure out?"

"Nagato said just now that Hidan works in the moment, so he shouldn't plan," Yahiko said. "I also work in the moment, but I've been trying to do more planning, and it hasn't been working. Trying to plan more just stresses me out and makes me feel bad. Maybe it's not always better to plan? Maybe I shouldn't try to change what I do naturally?" He looked down and petted Samehada. "Even if other people don't always like what I do naturally." The brief moment of being able to trust himself completely had faded, but he still felt its echoes.

Several seconds passed before Kisame said, "You're lucky, kid." He sat on the edge of the bed staring into space. Judging by the look on his face, what he saw there was not hopeful.

"Why am I lucky?" Yahiko asked. People tell me that, but it doesn't feel true. Am I missing something?

"You're open," Kisame said. "At least you get to know things about yourself. I don't know what comes naturally to me."

"What do you want, in the second before you realize it's a bad idea?"

"I don't even know. It's like natural urges don't occur to me."

How can I help? Yahiko's immediate urge was to focus on Kisame's problem. He had just decided to go with his instincts, so he leaned into it. "Well… Is there anything you might naturally want to do? You could try it and see if it feels good."

Kisame looked over at his shark. "I liked swimming with Same." Samehada warbled.

"Wait a second." Yahiko looked down. "Same! You live by your instincts. You're a shark. Show Kisame all the things you like to do."

Samehada made thinking sounds. That would be a big change in how they were. Human Cousin was human, and therefore smart and knowledgeable about the world, as well as more ambitious. He led and Samehada followed, because Samehada didn't know as much about what was going on and was happy no matter where he was. For Samehada to lead would be very strange. He didn't exactly want to go anywhere. Human Cousin might get bored.

But Human Cousin was looking at Nice Human with new respect. "Why didn't I think of that?" he asked. "Good idea." So it was decided. Samehada would do his best to lead.

"What do you want to do now?" Yahiko asked. Samehada made more thinking sounds. Then he squealed, raced off through the open bathroom door, and came back with Ducky. He placed Ducky directly in Kisame's hands and trilled.

"Uh…" Kisame wasn't sure what to do here. He was pretty sure he did not have a desire to cuddle a toy or sing or anything that Samehada did. But this was his own idea. Crap. He patted Ducky softly on the head. "Nice Ducky." And that was all he could think of doing with the toy.

Samehada seemed disappointed. He left the room. Kisame looked down at Ducky. "Nothing's coming to me."

"Something else will," Yahiko promised. "It'll work."

"Itachi made it sound like you've made just as much progress as I have. No offense, but I'm not going to take promises from you just yet."

Yahiko flushed. "Oh. Um." Had his instincts led him astray? Kisame was right; he sounded far more certain than he had any right to. But Yahiko really was hopeful that something would work. "But I do think it'll work."

"Good for you. I reserve the right not to." Why the hell am I being mean to him? He's just trying to share a bit of hope. Why am I refusing hope?

Samehada came back. He had Hobbes in his mouth, an orange stuffed bear on his back, and Stitchy on his tail. He gave all three of them to Kisame. Kisame balanced them all awkwardly in his lap. "Uh…" He tried to be hopeful. Maybe something about the other toys would elicit whatever Samehada was hoping to elicit.

The stuffed tiger and bear did nothing. They were just toys. Kisame put them on the bed at his side. Stitchy was different. Stitchy was Deidara's creation, one that he cared for. Kisame inspected the spider. The stitches are holding well, he noticed. He's getting a little dusty. Kisame tried to brush it off, but the dust seemed to stick to the clay. He grumbled and went into the bathroom to wash it off. He washed Stitchy and dried him with a towel.

Samehada chirped and trilled with wild excitement when he came out. He nuzzled Kisame's legs with his head. "What are you so excited about?" Kisame asked.

"He was trying to get you to take care of something like he takes care of Ducky," Yahiko realized. "It worked! How do you feel? Do you like taking care of things?"

"It looked dusty, so I cleaned it," Kisame said. "It's Deidara's creation."

"Yeah, but, did you like cleaning it?"

"What does that mean?"

Yahiko could not describe what he meant. Words eluded him. "Um… Okay. Let's try other things and get back to that."

Samehada rattled for attention and gestured toward the bed. Kisame realized it was late. "Good idea. I'd better get to bed. Thanks for helping."

"You're welcome," Yahiko replied.

Kisame looked at him. "What's your problem? We've spent all this time talking about mine."

"Um…" Yahiko could not imagine talking with someone like Kisame about wanting to be girly. There was no way Kisame could understand. No way. "Better get to bed," he mumbled, aware that his face was as red as Nagato's hair. "See ya." He dashed out the door.

Kisame turned out the lights and got into bed. Is my problem with talking to people one of the shared problems Itachi said we had? He never would have suspected it. Yahiko seemed incapable of hiding anything he thought or felt. But there was something he was keeping secret after all. Goes to show you can never really know anybody all the way.

Samehada climbed up on the bed and nudged Stitchy onto his chest. "You want me to hold Stitchy while I sleep?" Samehada chirped twice to say Yes. "Why would you want me to do that? I thought you liked being cuddled."

There was a pause. Then Stitchy was removed from his chest and tossed away. The spider fell off the bed somewhere. Nobody cared. Samehada wriggled forward to claim his rightful place.

Kisame wrapped his arms around his favorite shark. Is this what I should do? Be more cuddly? He failed to see how that would resolve his identity crisis. But this was his own idea. And besides… It felt good.

Samehada licked his chin once, and fell asleep. Kisame stayed awake to concentrate on how this felt. He focused on it for a long time.

.

A/N: I didn't have a real plan for when they would be encountering these other people, or how. It just occurred to me overnight that this would be a perfect time. As I said, everything leading up to the climax of the War Arc took a ridiculously short time, so it seems reasonable for Shikaku to be dead 3 weeks after Konan died. It is temporally possible to place this event here. *whew* Maybe a certain really important event will happen soon instead of being a long way off...

I can't wait!