A/N: This chapter consists of two completely different scenes. Normally I try to give each chapter a name that summarizes it completely, but in this case that's impossible, so it is named after the second part only.

Due to the nature of the second part of this chapter, the end notes will contain some personal information. Feel free to skip them entirely. Nothing important will be written therein.

To clarify: Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER is a television show on Nat Geo Wild.

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Nagato

When asked why she was there, Konan said, "I imagine I am missed."

"Whisper has been sniffing me today," Nagato added. "I think regular visits that he can look forward to would be a good idea." Marsha signed off with a shrug, and he pulled Konan into the back.

"What are the parameters?" she asked.

"Get them alone, without the trainer being aware that we're doing that," Nagato said. "I don't know if he would object; he seems like a very practical man. But better safe than sorry."

"Factors that would help or hinder?"

"We normally let Tipsy out first and Jonesy last, specifically to prevent them from fighting. He knows this. Jonesy's a regular in the training program, so there's only a few minutes of free play where we could do this. Unless you want to wait until after the trainer's done?"

Konan shook her head. "The purpose of this is to aid his efforts, not undermine them."

"I thought so." Actually I didn't know whether she'd thought about the man at all. I didn't expect her to see this as helping him, a stranger she doesn't know or have any reason to care about. Her world doesn't seem to encourage that kind of thinking. Maybe we're getting through. "The good news is, he works around a corner and behind a kind of shield so the dogs in the yard don't get involved. It would be easy to take Tipsy and Jonesy over to the far side while he sets up."

"But every other dog will also be in the yard with them."

"Yeah," Nagato said with a nod. "But they don't exactly cozy up to Tipsy, and if we can get Jonesy before he entices someone into a game, I think it'll be fine."

"How will Tipsy react to my presence?" Konan stopped. "You may not be aware of this. Last week, there was an incident where I asserted dominance over one of the dogs. Tipsy saw that as a threat. I displayed submission, but she still may be wary of me."

"Just keep staying out of her way, and hopefully she won't react too badly." Gods I sound so much more confident than I am. Of course; I should have expected that she wouldn't get along with Tipsy! Knowing how Konan is when she thinks there's a threat… This could be bad.

The dogs were released one at a time, following the usual order. "Is it possible that the timing of this has artificially created a pack structure?" Konan asked. "Allowing certain dogs to establish themselves before others is much the same as giving them higher ranks. Jonesy, who has to enter a yard already filled, must be the least respected dog here."

"Their ordering is designed to cater to Tipsy," Nagato agreed. "I've thought about it. It's completely possible." When Jonesy was ready to be led out, he passed the dog to Konan. She nodded and led her unusually willing follower to the far right side of the yard. He smelled her all over and licked her hand.

Then Nagato appeared with Tipsy on a leash. Konan took Jonesy's head in her hands and forcibly turned him away from her. She crept back into the shadows. As predicted, pack dynamics kept this area of the yard clear enough. Tipsy was let off the leash. It was showtime.

Nagato knew he was supposed to leave. Nobody official should be involved in this, nobody blamable. But something compelled him to stay. He had not been there when Yahiko proved himself to Konan. Although Yahiko tried to describe it, Nagato knew there was something of the moment itself that could not be captured in words. Here he had a chance to understand what he had missed the first time. He moved close to the porch, where he could see what they did without intruding.

Tipsy's ears and tail immediately went up. Konan did an excellent job keeping herself out of sight without technically hiding, but she could do nothing to disguise her smell. Tipsy took deep breaths, looking right at her. Whew. She's not snarling. That's a good sign, I hope. Then Jonesy approached. He ran right up to Tipsy, tongue lolling out. He had just enough sense to stop a foot away, in recognition that one did not get to slobber all over their Alpha. But that was not far enough.

Tipsy snarled at him. He took a single step back and lowered his tail somewhat, but it continued to wave as if he was playing with a friend of equal rank. Tipsy's snarl grew louder, and her fur bristled all over. Nagato imagined this was the dog equivalent of sprouting paper wings. I would not want to be on the receiving end of that. How did he do it? I would have run like hell. Jonesy whined as if he just needed to figure out what was going on, and then everything would be all right. It reminded Nagato of a cartoon he had seen where one of the characters was immune to pain simply because he didn't know he should be hurt.

Jonesy tried a play bow, stretching out his front legs and scratching at the dirt. He got up and, without waiting for a response, immediately moved to Tipsy's side. Nagato and Konan stiffened. Now!

Tipsy turned quickly and closed her teeth on the skin at the base of Jonesy's left ear. Jonesy yelped, his paws slipping on the ground as he stumbled from pain. Tipsy let go, but continued snarling. The next nip would not be so harmless.

Nagato checked to see if the trainer had heard. He could just see the man look up, but then bend down and return to his work. One yelp from a yard of dogs did not necessarily mean a problem, and he assumed Nagato would handle it. Nagato wanted to, but all this would be for nothing if Jonesy didn't learn something. They had to wait until he demonstrated learning.

Jonesy backed away, whining and shaking his head. He looked at Tipsy with wounded eyes. She raised her head and showed her teeth. For the love of all that is good, if he doesn't understand now, he never will. Did Jonesy understand now? Would he show appropriate deference and hesitance, an understanding that he couldn't run up to everything and everyone as if it was a friend? Would he become more than the pitiful little pup that made Nagato sad from knowing that he would never find a home? Would he become a beautiful golden dog like Marsha?

Jonesy kept whining. His tail kept up a slow wag. Nagato's heart sank. He doesn't understand. He'll approach her and get bitten agai -

In the space of a split second, Jonesy flopped over onto his side. Showing his belly. Submission. Something Nagato had never seen him do before, ever, not even in play. Where did he learn that? Wherever and however he had learned it, out of nowhere, he performed it perfectly. He even tucked his tail between his legs. Where did he learn to do that?!

Tipsy stood motionless. She closed her mouth but continued to stare. A heartbeat passed. Then a second one. This was the part where Konan's intervention might be required, if Tipsy did not accept it as genuine.

Konan's intervention was not required. Tipsy accepted it, not with any enthusiasm but well enough for their purposes. She turned and walked away, pausing just in time to avoid colliding with Kidneybean and Lilac as they chased each other around the yard. Jonesy got to his feet and shook himself. He sniffed the air and remembered that there was a person present. He woofed up at Konan with (seemingly) just as much enthusiasm as ever.

Nagato forced himself to look away. He leashed Tipsy and led her over to the trainer as he normally would. His stomach felt filled with lead. He did it. Nothing happened, then more nothing, no sign that anything was changing… But then he did it. I didn't even know he knew how to. Maybe he didn't know that he knew it, either. Nagato was not thinking about the dog.

He sat with Konan on the porch. Whisper approached. Konan raised a hand, let him sniff it and wave his tail first, and managed to pet him twice before he whined. Whisper settled down at her side, chewing his toy in a steady rhythm.

"Was it like that?" Nagato asked.

"How?"

"How he didn't seem to be doing anything different, but then, just when you'd given up hope…"

Konan remained silent for a couple seconds. "Yes. It was like that. The look in his eyes was just like he was about to give up, but then somehow he did not. I hardly believed it. I had to repeat three times to be sure."

"I didn't even know he knew how to do that," Nagato said.

"Neither did I."

Nagato shook his head. "I tried to think of an animal he could be that wasn't a lamb, and I thought of a dog. But then I looked at Jonesy and he seemed so sad that I couldn't do that to Yahiko. But maybe he really can be a dog."

In a low murmur, Konan said, "It is a shame that our situation does not permit dogs. I find myself having…personal thoughts about them."

Chibi. Nagato nodded. He didn't exactly want to adopt all of these dogs and keep them as his pets. What he wanted was to stay here, them running around together and him being there in the middle of it, forever. When he thought of this pack of mutts, he could not help but want to join them. They were something of a family.

"I hope Kidneybean and Lilac get adopted together," Konan said. She must be having the exact same thoughts. They watched the two chase each other in circles around Mosey, who suddenly reminded Nagato of Kakuzu even though he was nothing like Kakuzu in terms of personality, and he felt a pang of sadness that this pack would eventually be broken up by adoption. That was supposed to be a happy event, and in some ways it was. But something would be lost every time one of the animals found their own proper home.

"Do they remind you of anything?" Nagato asked. Now that he'd thought of Kakuzu, he was unable to forget the comparison.

"Yes. But they should not." Konan waved a hand. "The mission is complete. Now, is Mosey still refusing to walk?"

Hidan

As long as he was wearing a shirt, Hidan decided he might as well revisit some old habits. He returned to his room, hung up his cloak, made sure his scythe still felt right on his back without it (it did), and went back out. He crept through the forest, remembering what it had felt like to live here. Must've been chakra keeping me warm. I did way too good a job sleeping without fur.

He turned right at his old campsite. Deer track leads over here, then I go uphill to the fallen birch, then down to that patch of rocks, cut alongside the brambles, and now I can just barely see the road. He knew this route as solidly as any road. He came out at a spot just down the road from the official entrance to the forest. The sunflowers were wilted and drooping now, he noted. If the kid used his powers again, at what point would he bring them back to life versus making them rot? What happens if he uses them on healthy things?

If he met the snake child again, he would ask. He crossed the road, making sure he did not step into the path of any cars, and resumed his trek through the woody shrubland on the other side. Hidan did not like to go near that suburb. It made his hair stand on end. This neglected area too far outside of town to be maintained but too close to town to be used for anything was fascinating, anyway. Hidan noticed that it had grown denser. He had to leap over the tops of shrubs several times. He also observed several juvenile trees growing in the mix. The grasses were thin. Aw, shit, I liked the shrubs. It's starting to turn into forest. He wondered what would happen if he tried to avert the inevitable by killing the trees. Would they come back? The shrubs were so dense, he didn't see how that would be possible.

So he backtracked and pretended he was a giant lethal bunny rabbit, leaping and landing and slicing before leaping away again. All the young trees were gone in no time. Hidan had been careful to alternate slices where he fed chakra to the scythe with slices where he did not. Aside from a noticeable bite when blade met wood, the results were not much different. You are strong and deadly. Fuck, I love you. How did I live without you? And swinging the scythe had felt so natural, like swinging his arm! He continued on toward town in high spirits, whistling.

He wove through streets once familiar, looking for what had changed. Kakuzu's house was not far. He made his way to it, passing the house with the row of bushes where he had once befriended a cat and learned to purr, passing the house that put out returnables among its recycling, passing the house that doubled as a chiropractor's office. Kakuzu's house looked just like it always did: small, unadorned, the small and scraggly lawn entirely uncared for except for the occasional mowing (which it barely needed because it was mostly moss). Unwelcoming. Not open to company, thankyouverymuch. Hidan smirked. He'd always liked moss better than grass, actually. He let himself in. The front door was locked, but if one had a cat's flexibility and the ability to walk on walls the skylight was just as good.

The skylight was in the roof over the kitchen. Hidan dropped down onto the soft tiled floor silently, stood, and listened. He didn't hear anybody else. Where was Kakuzu? He called Kakuzu. "Hey. Where are ya?"

"Do you care? I don't recall deciding to meet."

"Just wondering. I know you're not back home, and you're not at your house, and I don't know what else you do with your time now. We've stopped hanging out."

A pause. "How do you know I'm not at my house?"

"Because I'm in your kitchen. You left the skylight open."

"Goddammit, Hidan."

"What? This is the only house I've ever been in. It's practically mine, too." Hidan saw noticeable dust on the counters and on a stack of books that had fallen over and never been picked up. "Mind if I watch TV?" It's been a while. How's Dr. K doing?

"I am trying to deposit money."

"What for?"

Kakuzu grumbled. "It was all clogging up the basement anyway."

Hidan grinned. "Shit! Haha! Did Sasori inspire ya?" Holding on to their money was, for Kakuzu, as much of a tie as if he had gotten a cloak.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Okay, I won't blab about it. You can tell whoever whenever you want. So what about the TV?"

"Don't break anything." *click*

Hidan grabbed three cloths and dusted off everything he could reach, gave his scythe a comfortable seat on the couch in the alcove, then sat down on the floor in front of the TV. It was nice to watch TV every so often. It was a rare privilege, a treat that awaited him for stepping foot inside a home. And something about the way that he could neither predict nor control what was on made everything it showed him much more interesting. Hidan had found himself watching things he would never look for online, but which he greatly enjoyed when they were given to him on the TV. He found one such program playing now. Fuck, who lets their house get so bad that it ruins their marriage? Maybe she should leave him.

Yet by the end of the episode, he let out a cheer as the renovations were revealed. "Woo! Marriage saved! Aw yeah!" He could not feel the feelings of the people on the screen, but where his powers failed the power of screenwriting prevailed. He was grinning just as foolishly as the televised kids were. Yay! I love this shit!

Whirrrrbbb. He put the TV on mute and answered the call. "Heyo."

"Hey, um, do you have time for a long call? I'm super confused about stuff, yeah."

Hidan turned the TV off and moved to the couch. "What ya confused about, Dei?"

"Well…" Deidara took a moment to compose his thoughts. "It started with the website you showed me, yeah. I read it and called Sasori and apologized to him. He said I should keep reading because other people might appreciate it. So I've been reading, and did you know there's a whole wiki about sexual orientations and gender identities and stuff?"

"Yep. It's the first result when you want the definition of practically anything."

"That's how I found it, yeah. I started googling, and then some terms came up, and when I tried to google them I found myself drowning in a whole wiki of them, yeah! How the fuck are there so many words, hm?!"

"Slow down," Hidan instructed. "Take deep breaths. Breathe." He listened to Deidara breathe. "You good, Blondie?"

"Yeah. It's just - Some of them were really weird, and a lot of the pages had multiple flags, and I just… Why is there so much?"

"'Cause if you don't give it a wiki entry, nobody knows it exists," Hidan said. "I didn't know there were people who get squicked out by the idea of physical stuff before I read it. It's the kind of personal thing where you think most people are like you. If there's not a wiki entry, you don't know it exists."

"Hm. I think I know what you're talking about," Deidara said. "I opened links on all these different types of asexuality, and I didn't know some of those things were separate. I thought they just came together. Did you know there's a type where people can fantasize about it but they'd be turned off by the real deal? I thought fantasy and wanting it for real were the same thing, yeah."

"Really?" Hidan did not know very much about asexuality. "Me neither. Cool shit!"

"I don't really understand why they all have five different flags," Deidara confessed. "I don't want to sound bigoted or anything. I just… I don't get how you can form a community over something that specific. It sounds like these really specific terms are what you'd use to describe parts of something and explain how it works, not to identify as. Am I saying it right?"

"I get ya," Hidan reassured. "If I really had to explain it to someone, I could rate my position on a Kinsey scale and tell them I was pansexual and panromantic and poyamorous and all that shit, and they'd know what those things were. But they wouldn't know what I was because all my behavior and stuff changes. It matters who I'm with and where and what's going on. I'm not in community with someone who shares a word, but I do have a community with people who have different words but act the same way."

"Yeah. Whew. I'm glad you get what I was trying to say, yeah." There was a pause, during which Hidan heard shuffling sounds. "Um, I wrote down some things I had trouble with. Can you help?"

"Throw 'em at me."

"So, romance is different from wanting to be with someone?"

"Yeah. It's kind of like… It's like when I see her, I recognize her as a part of me, or a part of my life. You know when you see something you haven't seen in a while and you recognize it? Like 'That's it, I see it, I remember who I was the last time I saw it'? Kinda like that."

"A part of your life? Are you saying you'd jump straight to marriage, yeah?" Deidara started to laugh.

"Yes."

Deidara stopped laughing. "Oh. I didn't know you were that serious."

Hidan shrugged. "Everything gets serious when ninjas are involved. What else didja wanna ask about?"

"Um… And none of it has to do with gender? At all? How is that possible?"

"Hold a sec. First, tell me why you think it wouldn't be possible."

"I mean…" Deidara stammered. "It's like… Um… You know… You know when a guy holds a girl, like in movies and stuff, yeah? And he's… taller than her, and they're shaped right for each other, and the way he wraps his arms around her is protective like men are supposed to be, yeah? Those are guy things. How does a girl, or someone who's not a girl but not a guy, hold a girl the same way?"

"We don't," Hidan answered immediately. "It feels totally different to be with a guy versus a girl. When I'm with a guy, it isn't just like if I was a girl. That's why I was so looking forward to being with someone in my female body, because it would change all of those things you just said. Being with a guy and I'm a guy myself, there's more of a buddyish vibe because we're the same size and musculature and shit. When I'm with a girl, it's more protective like you said." He sighed wistfully. "If I could be in that body around a guy, maybe I'd be held more, looked after. I think I'd like that."

"There are different ways to be with people? Different 'vibes?'"

"Fuck yes. What, you think all romance is the same?"

"Well… I mean… It looks pretty much the same."

"You have a lot to learn about people, kid."

"Excuse me for never having much of a dating life, hm!"

"Fuck no, romance is not all the same." How fucking dare he? "Romance isn't - it's not a thing! It's not a thing. It's an act. It's like a dance or some shit, something where people go together and it's got rhythms and it's got a past and it goes zhomm one way and then it twists a little and is like ooh the next. It's like - hang on. You know something about friendship, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's like friendship. You telling me you have the same friendship with Sasori and with Konan and with me?"

"No," Deidara answered instantly. "You're like a co-conspirator, and Sasori's like someone I can rely on for stuff, and Konan teaches me things. It's different."

"Egg-fucking-xactly."

"Ohhh." The lightbulb of dawning realization was audible over the phone. "Romance is like that."

Hidan gave him a minute to let it sink in. Then he asked, "Dei? Did I just explain something about you and Laurie?"

"Yeah, we didn't do anything special. I mean it was special, but it wasn't any different. We've talked before. She's held me before. It wasn't any different from that. It wasn't like in the movies. At the beginning of it, I wondered if I was doing a date wrong, yeah."

"It shouldn't be different," Hidan told him. "It should be how you guys are together, not something that you have to go and force. How you are together can totally be special, but not unnatural. That's not good."

"It did feel really natural!" He could hear Deidara grin. "Do you think we've got a chance, hm?"

"Of course you have a fucking chance. It's happening, isn't it?"

"I want to sit with her again and talk about dojos," Deidara said dreamily.

"Do it. When she's not at work. Do it."

"Thank you so much! How'd your date go, yeah? Was it great?"

"It was fucking amazing. We talked about the world, and about Other Me, and I got sad and then she got sad and we took turns holding each other and she petted me for a while in the middle of it and then we ate in silence. Fucking fantastic."

"Hey, you go back and forth like that a lot with people," Deidara realized.

"Yeah, it's my style. That's what I meant by different vibes and having a history."

"It sounds awesome, yeah." A pause. "Huh. I just thought of something else to ask."

"Shoot."

"Well, it could be kinda personal. If it's not too much… What did Sasori mean when he that there were other people who'd like it if I read about stuff?"

"Give me a sec." Hidan leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Is it too personal? What should I tell Dei? He's not involved in Sunshine's gender testing the way Nagato is, so does that make it okay or extra super not okay to talk to him about it? He wouldn't tell anyone, right? But I shouldn't dump all the responsibility of not talking about things on his shoulders. I know how heavy that is and how much I hate to carry it. Shit. "Um, Dei? What's your tolerance for not talking about stuff?"

Deidara did a bit of thinking. "Really good, actually. I already feel like it's not my place to butt in on practically everybody's business, yeah. I wouldn't even get the urge to try to talk about their problems. I still feel like just a kid."

Huh. And that's a good thing right now. "Okay," Hidan decided. "I can tell you a little bit."

"Double pinky swear I won't make anyone uncomfortable, yeah."

"Mkay. So…all that shit you read on romance and how it's different from sexy things? Good idea to keep it in mind around Yahiko. He just gives off vibes like he'd love everybody."

"He is super cuddly. I could see it, yeah."

"Have you ever heard of polyamory?"

"I've heard of it, but I don't know much about it, yeah."

"Read it. We talked about that on our date."

"I know Nagato's gay, yeah. Everybody knows that."

"Everybody except Sunshine. Keep it that way."

"What? Really? How could he miss that?"

"You remember that flower crown thing Sunshine did for Kakuzu?" Hidan asked. "And how Moonlight made us all keep quiet about it?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if it's trans stuff or nonbinary stuff you need to be reading about, but I think something around there's worth reading about. And keep doing what Moonlight did: do not talk about it. Sunshine can't handle it."

"What?!" Deidara coughed and lowered his voice. "You think Yahiko's not a guy?" he whispered.

"I dunno. We're working on it," Hidan said. "Nobody knows shit yet. And I am not gonna keep you posted. He'll tell people what he wants to tell, when he wants to."

"Okay. Um… Anything else?"

"Not as far as I can tell," Hidan said. "Everybody else seems pretty typical."

"Okay. Thanks for - Wait!"

"Whazzit?"

"You. You're not typical, yeah," Deidara said. "I almost forgot about how you switch forms. Most people don't do that, yeah. Most people wouldn't even if they could. Why do you do it, yeah?"

Hidan blinked. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Um…"

"What the fuck do you mean, most people wouldn't even if they could? It's the obvious thing to do when you've got shapeshifting powers. You can get longer hair. It feels different to lie down. You can do fun things with it, wink wink nudge nudge and all that crap. Who wouldn't?"

"But I'm not a girl," Deidara said. "If I had those powers, I wouldn't use them because it just wouldn't be right. I am not a girl. If I gave myself the body of one, it would be a lie. That wouldn't be me. Why would I lie to people, hm?"

"Huh?" Hidan felt like his brain was starting to fry. "Why would your body have anything to do with you? You're not what you look like."

"I am not a girl, yeah."

"But your body doesn't have anything to do with that. Why would having a different body be a lie?"

"If I had the body of a girl, if I transformed myself that way, it would say to people that I am a girl," Deidara explained. "But I'm not."

"Being female doesn't have anything to do with being a girl," Hidan said.

"Yeah, it kind of does. When you're a girl, like trans girls, they get surgeries to have more female-ish bodies. It matters, yeah. I'm a guy. I should have the body of a guy. It feels right and natural, yeah. I wouldn't give myself a body that felt wrong and unnatural. It has to match."

"What? That's the craziest shit I've ever heard," Hidan argued. "Not about the trans people. About bodies having to match. I'm a guy, and I can have a female body if I want. It doesn't change who I am. It doesn't have anything to do with who I am. I'm just as much of a guy even if I don't have a dick."

"Really? You're not at all uncomfortable?"

"No. My guyness is because that's how I am. I sling arms over other guys' shoulders. I barge into conversations. I act like one, so I am. You notice I don't act any differently in my other body? If I had to act differently, I might feel like you do," he mused. He turned female and spread his unoccupied arm over the back of the couch, because that was a thing that was typical for guys to do. See? No change.

"...Didn't you just say you'd like to be held and looked after and treated like a girl?"

Hidan's triumphant smirk faded. "Yeah. So?"

"So you have male and female bodies, and you'd like to be treated as a guy and as a girl," Deidara said slowly. "Hidan…I don't think you're ordinary, yeah."

"It doesn't matter," Hidan insisted. "I'm just me. I get to do whatever the fuck I want."

"What if someone wanted you to act more manly? If you'd like to act more girly sometimes, do you act super manly other times?"

"No!" Hidan shook his head. "I'm not a man."

Silence.

"I'm a guy."

More silence.

"There's a difference," he added, less confidently. Why's he being so silent? Am I confusing him? What's so confusing? I'm just me. I'm not a manly man or a woman. I'm just… What am I? A blend? Do I go back and forth? Neither? What is the difference between guy and man? The second just sounds so wrong.

"...What's the difference?" Deidara asked.

"I have no idea," Hidan admitted. "I just know there is one. Shit. Now I'm confused."

"I can do more research and send you some wiki entries to look at, yeah."

Hidan sat up. "That would be great. Do that. Hey Dei?"

"Yeah?"

"I dunno if you heard, but I've been in my female body for half this conversation."

"I thought your voice sounded a little different, yeah. I guess it doesn't change anything about you," Deidara said. "Okay, yeah. I was using my phone to look up all this stuff, so I need to hang up."

"Good idea. I've got a lot of thinking to do now. Thanks." The use of sarcasm probably made him sound mad or unhappy, but he wasn't. It was actually kind of exciting to have to do this kind of thinking about who and what he was. Hidan thought he'd settled those questions a long time ago. Now I get to try on new stuff and see if it fits! I get to discover things and feel that blast of recognition when it sounds exactly like me. I get to realize, "There's a word for that?" You know what there really needs to be a word for? That feeling. "There's a word for that?" needs to have its own word. "I'm not mad. I was joking. This is awesome and thank you so much Dei. You have no idea how awesome it is to go looking and find something that just clicks, it looks just like you and you had no idea this thing that looks like you even existed and you can't believe someone made a word for it. It's really great."

"I know it's not the same," Deidara said slowly. "Because it's not something I felt my whole life. I only felt it when my fake memories ended. But when they did, I realized that I had mouths in my hands, and that it was fucking weird. I spent a couple months feeling constantly uncomfortable because it was weird. And then… Konan showed up. And she turned to paper. And Kakuzu has stitches everywhere, and Nagato has those eyes. That constant uncomfortable 'I'm weird' feeling went away when I met you guys. Maybe it's like that?"

Hidan stayed quiet. "Okay, so maybe I was wrong," he admitted. "But I still think there should be a word for that feeling you get when you realize, 'There's a word for it?' Seriously. That question is its own whole fucking mood."

"Yeah, I don't get that. I don't think I ever will. I'm glad you get to, though. Um, gotta go."

"See ya."

"Bye." *click*

Hidan put his phone down on the arm of the couch, crossed his arms behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling. Why do I switch between the two? Both of them aren't fully me. I need both to be everything I want to be. I can't help Konan pick outfits as a guy, and I can't be Nagato's buddy as a girl. Maybe I'm both of them. I'm not super manly or super womanly. Just a little bit of each.

But isn't everyone like that?

.

A/N: I read a book on gardening that advised doing exactly that to keep a shrubland from becoming a forest, and I have recently watched an episode of a house improvement show with that exact plot.

So, then...

What Deidara described, where people may fantasize about sex but not desire it for themselves, is aegosexuality. It's what I identify with. That feeling Hidan describes of instant joyful recognition is what I feel every time I read the wiki page for it. I currently am confused about my romantic orientation and gender identity; I think I might be aegoromantic and agender/demiboy, maybe? It's unclear. I do not feel bursts of recognition when I read those wiki pages. When I do, the matter will be settled.

I initially wanted Hidan to have this conversation with Nagato, as part of a whole contrast thing where Yahiko's very flexible about his body and Nagato can't even imagine it. But a lot of other things happened after he acquired the succubus' power, and then I thought it might be a little late for Nagato to ask, and then this opportunity presented itself. Yay! I just really wanted there to be a conversation somewhere.