A/N: I am very sorry. I promised you all action, but I seem to have written an entire chapter about characters deciding what to have for breakfast and choosing outfits instead. This was unexpected. Those responsible deserve a sacking.

I can't help but wonder if this would be a good thing to describe to a doctor as an example of why I think I have ADHD, assuming I ever work up the courage to go to a doctor like I've been wanting to for the past several years.

Well, this is the first time I've ever actually described anyone's outfits except for Itachi's (why Itachi? I do not know). So, enjoy the boost to description.

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General

The next morning, Kakuzu pulled his truck out to the cracked parking lot. Hidan took his scythe to the edges of the backyard, reasoning that they'd want to prevent that space from disappearing anyway and the stumps would make more seats for people to sit. He cut down three trees with trunks a hand's length wide, sliced them up into foot-long lengths, and piled them in the bed. Kakuzu tied them down so they could be carried.

"Y'know, I'm starting to feel really good about this shit," Hidan said. "I'm really glad they had that meeting and told everyone. It's like… Like I stopped worrying about something I didn't know I worried about before."

"Makes sense," Kakuzu grunted. He looked at Hidan sideways. "Do you even know what they told us about?"

"Something scary that I don't want to think about," Hidan said. "I think it has to do with Fugue Me. I'm pretty sure that bastard's in charge of the running away; I mean, we already figured out that he steals my memories. Nagato said once that he was afraid of Fugue Me, and that would explain why Kisame left. Besides that, it makes me feel jittery to think about. Can we talk about something else now?"

"The wood's secure. What else do we need?" They tried to remember. It was difficult, as a lot had happened since that first planning session.

Fortunately, Konan appeared. "Ah. You two remembered about the wood for testing." She checked off an item on her sheet of paper. "Ruta's document needs to be printed. The library has a printer, yes?"

"Yeah!"

"Then Nagato and Yahiko shall go and print it," Konan said. "They can review it as they do so, decide what else may be necessary to discuss. Meanwhile, Deidara must retrieve his owl and his small spider. You will, of course, bring your scythe. By the time this has all been completed, it should be time for the conversation to begin."

"I have an idea for a conversation topic," Kakuzu said. "To help us get going in the right direction."

"Excellent." Konan went back inside to wake up the three she had mentioned. It was early in the morning, nearing 8 am. Hidan stretched.

"So whaddaya wanna do while they go out and do all that?"

"Food." Kakuzu pulled out his phone and began to research fast food restaurants. "We all need to be fed, and there's no reason to spend our time cooking."

"I suggest soft tacos," Hidan said. "Those things are crack. We need some good shit today."

"I'm more of a pizza person, myself."

They went back into the building and went around taking opinions. Konan had no idea what they were asking about. "What are these items?"

Deidara yawned. "You don't have premade buyable foods in your world, yeah?"

"Ah. So that is what they are. I would be interested in seeing what is available in this world. Are any of these things similar to bentos?"

Now it was everyone else's turn to be confused. "What are bentos?"

"Prepared meals in boxes."

"Eh." Hidan shrugged. "The things we're talking about come in boxes, sure. But they're not really meals. They're just food. Calling them 'meals' makes it sound like they're complete, and no-fucking-body would call fast food part of a complete diet."

"Tacos consist of ground meat, shredded vegetables, cheese, and condiments contained in a grain-based shell," Kakuzu explained to Konan. "Pizza is cheese and tomato sauce on top of bread, with your choice of meats, vegetables and/or fruit piled on top."

"Gyros," Deidara said. "I just learned about them. They're giant meat tacos. Giant. Meat. They just had lamb legs rotating next to a heat source, and they sliced off strips of outer meat as it cooked, and they piled all those strips on top of a small thing of pizza bread, and then they folded the bread up so you could eat it. So much meat, yeah!"

Konan's brow wrinkled. "Of these options, tacos sound the most palatable. Why is it necessary to consume that much meat in one sitting?"

"It's not, but it's fucking fun," Hidan said while high-fiving Deidara. "Good taste, Blondie."

"Laurie introduced me to them," Deidara sighed. "I think I love her. Wait… Hold on. Can we bring her to this thing? She's a normal person who knows us. I think she'd love to be there. And she'll show them that normal people really aren't afraid of anything we do, yeah."

Hidan pointed at him. "Get your bird and your spider. Fly to her. Tell her about all this shit, the other group, the meeting, everything. Join the group chat from there. Then fly to the park when we decide to go there. That's a fucking series of orders."

"You want me to tell her everything?"

"Did I fucking stutter?"

Deidara grinned. "Alright, yeah! I love those orders!" He ran off to begin executing them.

Hidan crossed his arms. "That kid is going to have a fucking successful relationship, or so help me."

Konan smiled. He's a romantic now. How fascinating! She joined them as they went around gathering food opinions.

Nagato and Yahiko looked at each other before shrugging. "We're okay with pretty much anything," Yahiko said.

Sasori wrinkled his nose at the mention of pizza. "It's too early for anything warm and greasy. Tacos it is."

"I agree with Hidan," Itachi said. "Soft-shell tacos are strangely compelling."

"And Kisame's getting his own breakfast," Kakuzu said. "By plurality vote, we're getting tacos. Dammit."

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan pumped an arm in victory. "Y'know, you can order different kinds. You want a vegetarian option?" he asked Konan.

"One vegetarian and one normal, please. I would like to understand what everyone else enjoys eating."

Kakuzu went back around to gather opinions on what kind of taco everyone wanted. "Hold," Nagato said. "I remember something about Ruta's document. I would like to go to the library and get it. I can get the tacos and bring them back since I'll already be there with the car."

Hidan and Konan were still in the right hallway, outside Itachi's door. Kakuzu was talking with Nagato and Yahiko in the left hallway, outside of their rooms, where they were getting dressed and ready to go out. She had awoken Deidara, then gotten interrupted. "That's what she was planning," Kakuzu reported. "Better get going. I have a feeling we'll need to start that conversation as soon as possible."

"I'll…" Yahiko wavered. Go with Nagato, or do something else? Do I need to be at his side all the time? I'm trying to be my own person, right? "Stay here and plan how we should dress and stuff so we look the least threatening."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "I hadn't even thought of that. But you're right - it would make a difference." The kid's getting better at this. Smart little lamb.

"Good idea," Nagato said. "See you soon." He left.

Yahiko turned in various directions. "I should…" What comes next? "Find out what vibe we're going for." He settled for facing Kakuzu's direction, towards the cross hallway. Kakuzu nodded. They walked past Deidara's door, through the cross hallway, and turned left to rejoin the others. They found Hidan, Itachi and Konan in a spirited discussion of the history of fast food.

Konan shook her head. Was she a touch pale? "Report," she ordered Kakuzu. Hidan frowned at being denied his opportunity to expound on the many different ways fast food was unnatural and disgusting.

Kakuzu nodded at Yahiko. Yahiko smiled. What is it with people yielding the stage to me all of a sudden? It feels like I have a little more respect lately. What did I do to earn it? "Nagato's going to print Ruta's document at the library," he said. "While he's got the car, he's going to get the food. And I'm staying here so I can plan our outfits."

Itachi put his phone away. "I won't turn away free outfit advice. What do you think I should wear: something fun, like the shirt I have with dragons on it? Or something more reserved, like my normal black shirts?" He had devoted serious thought to the matter and failed to settle upon an answer.

"What vibe are we going for?" Yahiko asked Konan.

"There is approximately a 100 percent chance that some unexpected factor will come into play, derailing most of our plans. Therefore, we should aim for friendly and informal interactions. Those are the most flexible and likely to survive unexpected distractions."

"The dragon shirt, then," Yahiko said. "As friendly and casual as you can get!"

"Hmm… It is lightweight, though. The forecast for today was cold. I should wear something heavier." Itachi opened his door. "Would you help me choose from my sweatshirts and jackets? I am very bad at choosing outfits."

"Sure," Yahiko said through a grin. They went into Itachi's room to do just that.

"That kid's gotten a lot better at finding ways to make himself honestly useful," Kakuzu muttered.

"He has clarified his priorities," Konan replied. "Yesterday, I talked with him about his decision to leave his job. He said in order to leave a job in this world, one must first decide that there is a better alternative. He finally decided that a personal goal of his was such an alternative."

"Really?" Hidan asked. "Fina-fucking-ly. Me and Moonlight've been saying that forever." An awkward silence fell. Silence normally was not awkward, but Hidan sensed that there wouldn't be any silence if he wasn't there. "Um… I gotta look through my clothes. I don't know shit about outfits either." He left.

Hidan's intuition was right. Once he was out of hearing range, Kakuzu crossed his arms. "Speaking of decisions…" He hesitated. He didn't want to acknowledge what he was about to acknowledge, even to just one person. Sometimes, being defensive doesn't do me any favors. "I've been thinking that I should acknowledge the inevitable."

Konan nodded once. "That would be admirable. But remember what the consequences may be. Not everyone would find it so."

Kisame, Itachi and I are the last people to not have cloaks. I'm pretty sure Itachi doesn't have one just because he's too mercurial to ever fully commit himself to something. Kisame and I are the only ones who've been resistant to being in this group. If I get one, that could drive a wedge between us. Assuming he comes back in the first place. "I know that."

"Regardless," Konan said, "I appreciate that you are at least considering it."

"After what I said to Hidan, do I have any choice?"

"Since when has lack of a choice ever compelled you?"

Kakuzu smirked. "That's right." He gave her a respectful look. "You're much better to be around lately."

Konan nodded, but something in the signals her chakra gave off made the gesture seem less than sincere. She wasn't fully agreeing with him.

"It won't last, will it?"

She shook her head. "It is cyclical. I may be fine for a while. But every so often, I find more reason to be depressed. And before too long, I get so tired of being in that state, so irritated by my own exhaustion, that something inside blows open and I throw it all away. All judgment, all restraint, everything that so annoyed me. It is always a foolish choice. I inevitably leave a disaster for me to repair, just at a time when I have expended all my energy. The foolishness and hopelessness of having done that, that I never learn… It is a bad time. Every time that seems good will always be followed by a bad time, in my experience. To tell the truth, I think you should not get a cloak just yet. It is a good thing that you have friendly relations with others and myself. I expect it to reverse shortly."

Kakuzu gave her a moment. Then, he told her, "Remember what Ruta said. It's a known thing in this world. We have medications for it, if you would like."

Konan's eyes narrowed. "Substances that can alter the mind?" She did not sound open to that idea.

"If you hate this cycle so much, they can help you get out of it."

Her hands curled. "The idea of my mind being altered is distasteful. I already live with that every day. Why would I want to have my mind altered more than it already is?"

"It doesn't do that. It helps reverse what's already happened."

Konan relaxed her hands. "All the same…" She turned away. "Perhaps it is just foolish fear. I'll think about it."

After another minute, Itachi's door opened and he came out. He was wearing his long-sleeved shirt with the aliens chasing each other across it. Yahiko followed him out. "I really don't think he's the kind of role model you want," he said while closing the door.

"I cannot deny that it is efficient," Itachi replied.

Konan nodded. She approved of this choice of shirt. "Assist Kakuzu next," she ordered Yahiko. "His appearance is intimidating by default, and his typical body language does not help matters. Do what you can to make him less intimidating."

Yahiko looked at Kakuzu, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked like someone a mob boss would hire to stand behind them while they threatened an informant. "Got it."

They took a few steps and entered Kakuzu's room. Kakuzu closed the door. "I can change my body language," he growled. "I already planned to be sitting."

"Then sit now," Yahiko suggested. "Let's see what body language we're working with."

Kakuzu sat on the edge of his bed, hands down beside his legs. "Good start!" Yahiko said. "You look open and ready to talk. Just have to heighten that a little…" He opened Kakuzu's closet. "Wow. You and Itachi really like black."

"It suits me," Kakuzu said. "I don't normally dress to look friendly. Just the opposite."

"Itachi wears dark colors because it suits his hair, and his personality, and makes him look like Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. You know how they wear the same shirts all the time?" Yahiko asked while going through the closet. He pulled out a dark grey jacket. "This one's good. It doesn't look hard, more like a soft gray, and it's physically soft and not leather. We definitely want to avoid leather." He gave it to Kakuzu to try on. "Hmm…"

"Do I look friendly yet?"

"No," Yahiko said, surprised. "You look a lot less friendly. Way more formal. I thought it would be a good idea to cover your stitches, but wearing nothing but a tanktop is your most casual look."

Kakuzu took off the jacket. "Look in the bottom of the closet. There's a box there." He expected Yahiko to find the box and open it. Instead, Yahiko found the box and gave the box to him to open. "You could have saved youtself the trouble," Kakuzu grumbled as he opened it. "I wouldn't have directed you to it if I didn't want you looking inside."

He felt Yahiko's previously unnoticed aura shrink back. Yahiko turned bright red. "I, um, didn't know. Rather be safe." He looks like Hidan did at the meeting. Terrified. What is he so scared of?

Kakuzu took a breath. "Don't worry about it. It's fine." He pulled out one of the masks he kept inside and put it on. "Is this better?"

Yahiko took a while to think before he said anything. "You look a little more formal in it. But it's the good kind of formal, the kind Konan has, where you want that little bit of distance because otherwise it'd be a little much. I mean, I don't think your stitches are anything bad!" he stammered. "I just mean, that, that, I think other people who aren't used to you would. That's all."

"I used to wear masks all the time before I found myself in this group of weirdos," Kakuzu said. "I understand perfectly."

"Good." Yahiko smoothed his hair back. "Yeah, I think this is all I can do."

For himself, Yahiko selected a sky blue shirt that would combine with and mellow out the brightness of his hair without contrasting with it, which would have achieved the opposite effect. For Nagato, a plush purple sweater. Then he went to assist Hidan, who turned out to be exactly as knowledgeable about outfits as he had claimed he was.

Yahiko entered Hidan's room, and Hidan closed the door behind him. "I'm sorry. I didn't really think about you as needing outfit assistance." Yahiko blinked. "I guess the cloak is your normal, too."

"Yeah, but I don't need it," Hidan said. "Not the same way Konan does, where it'd look weird if she wore anything else. I can wear something else. I just need you to show me what, because I've been trying to decide what looks the best on me for fifteen fucking minutes and haven't made any progress."

"What have you tried so far?"

"Here is my entire collection of shirts." Hidan gestured to his bed, on which lay a black T-shirt, a white hoodie, a black turtleneck, and a purple jacket. "That one's not technically a shirt, but I wear it as a sweater. So I ruled out the white, because it looks screaming loud and we're not going for that. And that's it. I haven't been able to rule out any of the others. They all look nice and dark to me."

"Body coverage is an important factor," Yahiko said. "More coverage tends to look more formal, but only until the whole torso and arms are covered. After that, when it starts increasing in thickness instead of area, the more solid it is the more casual it looks."

"So, not the turtleneck." The shirt in question was no doubt warm, but it was thin and tightly knit. "T-shirt or jacket-sweater."

"Honestly…" Yahiko opened his mouth to say more, but refrained. "No. You should try them both on. Let's see how they look before making any decisions." A minute later: "My instincts were right the first time. You look way better in the black T-shirt."

"People of all types at the bar tend to agree," Hidan said flirtatiously. "Although… We're trying to make friends with these people, not fuck them."

"I'm sure they have much greater things on their mind than whether or not they find you attractive," Yahiko reassured. "It won't be distracting."

Only after watching Hidan admire himself in the mirror did it occur to Yahiko did ask, "Wait a second. That's a T-shirt. Are you sure it's warm enough?"

"I'm a warm guy, as everyone who's gotten close enough to know would agree." Hidan blinked. "Why am I suddenly making all these weird comments? Stop it."

Yahiko laughed. "I don't mind! It's funny."

Hidan turned to stare at him. Slowly, he said, "You think flirty comments are like jokes?"

"Um… Yeah?"

"No fuckin' wonder you're single," Hidan muttered.

"What?!" Yahiko frowned. "You said one time that you had no idea how I was single because my face looks good, or something."

"Yeah, but it takes two to tango," Hidan said. "If you need a clue by four to hit you in the face at least three times before you notice that someone likes you, you're never gonna get a date."

Yahiko looked so wounded after hearing that that Hidan immediately backed down. What am I saying? It's not like he can magically will himself to be less oblivious. What good would it do? He doesn't even like Moonlight that way. "I'm sorry. Shouldn't have said it that way. I'm sure you would be a shitton better at picking up on things if you were interested in them back. It's not really a problem."

"Wait… If I was interested in them back? You think I have people who like me but I haven't noticed because I don't feel the same way?" Yahiko unconsciously reached up to his hair. Hidan felt his guts tighten as a round of anxiety wound up to strike at him.

Uh oh. Well, nothing to do but ride it out. "Yeah. I know for a fact you have people like that," Hidan told him.

Yahiko took a step back. "But… Oh no. Unrequited love hurts, doesn't it? No, I never wanted to -"

Hidan grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Sunshine. Earth to Sunshine. Look at me." Yahiko blinked. His eyes refocused. Hidan stared into them as intensely as he could. "You are not responsible for other people's feelings. You are not responsible for how they feel about their feelings. You do not know how they feel about their feelings. Sure, lots of people are tortured by loving someone who doesn't love them back. But how do you know that caring about you that way doesn't have upsides that outweigh the downsides?"

"W-what?" Hidan was expecting some confusion, but he was surprised by how strong it was. For a moment, he couldn't understand what he had just said. What is this? It feels like… Like I just suggested something fantasylike, impossible. Like what I said can't be understood because it can't be true. What the fuck? "Upsides?" When he says that word, it feels like he's saying "Rocks flowing uphill?"

"Gimme a sec." Hidan closed his eyes and opened that door inside himself. He became unconscious. Then abruptly, with no sense of time passing, he found himself shoved up to the surface of consciousness again. He was prepared this time. The confusion did not cloud his mind. "Yeah, upsides. Liking people feels good. Especially when they're people like you."

The confusion did not subside. Hidan began to pace back and forth. "Alright, let's start from the beginning. You know how people with crushes get gooey melty feelings around their crush? The crush does something cool, and you swoon and think, 'Oh wow, they're awesome'? And when they look at you, the room seems brighter and shit? Y'know, all the classic high school tropes."

There was a sense of relief as the confusion subsided. "Yeah, I know those things," Yahiko said.

"Those are what I mean by upsides," Hidan explained. "The downsides would be pain from when they turn away from you, when you do something extreme for them and know they would never even think of going to so much effort for you, when you can't tell them you care about them out of fear of rejection. That fear, too. That's also a downside."

"But I do go to a lot of effort for people," Yahiko said slowly. He's getting it! "And I spend a lot of time with my friends; I don't ignore anybody. And I like to hug people and be with them and look for the ways they're strong and kind."

"Yeah," Hidan sighed. "With you, the downsides are a lot less down and the upsides are friggin' up. Liking you feels good."

"But I thought liking someone who didn't like you back was always tragic, always something you had to move on from."

"Nah. Drifting in it can be fun, actually. Gives you a lot to talk about." Hidan remembered the many excellent and entertaining discussions he had had with Nagato about Yahiko's various wonderful features. If Yahiko wasn't so pretty, a big part of his bond with Nagato would be missing. Does that count as another upside? It only applies to really specific circumstances.

"Huh." Yahiko blushed. Another thing I took for granted that it turned out I was totally wrong about. People have different styles. There are no feelings or experiences that are 100% bad. Before I met Konan, I had no idea my thinking was so black and white. It's bad to think that way. Wait, no - that's black and white thinking again. It's bad and good, or somewhere in between. This is so confusing! Maybe I won't ever learn to see the world as it really is, even though I want to.

Hidan watched and waited. And waited. And waited. What. The. Fuck. "Where's Deidara and Sasori?" Yahiko asked. "I need to plan outfits for them."

Hidan resisted his first urge, which was to facepalm. He also resisted his second urge, which was to ask What the fuck is wrong with you? He also somehow managed to resist his third urge, which was to get a concerned look on his face and ask Yahiko if he needed help with the implication that he did. Instead, Hidan checked the time and said, "I already told Deidara to go out and hang with Laurie. Shit. I guess he's just wearing whatever he woke up in. Sasori was in his room. I haven't seen him come out."

They went off to see Sasori. Only Yahiko needed to go, but Hidan followed out of an intense desire to know if Yahiko really was resistant to three successive clue by fours to the face. I underestimated how oblivious he can be. Totally underestimated it.

Focus on what I'm good at. I am good at things. I'm not falling short in everything I do. I have to remember that. Yahiko knocked softly, then eased open the door. He heard the sound of keyboard keys clicking. Nobody told him to go away, so he opened the door and stepped inside.

Sasori was fully dressed already, wearing a dull red hooded jacket that was slightly darker than his hair and thin black sweatpants. He even had shoes on. He was using his laptop. "I have located Sakumo's Facebook page," he said without looking up. "I have no idea how none of us thought to reach out over social media before now. We've transitioned to a lot more in-person meetings since we started being ninjas."

"Oh." Yahiko blinked. I never thought of that either. "I was going around planning outfits so we would look as friendly as possible, but you already have on a perfect outfit. It suits you!"

Sasori groaned. "Don't tell Deidara. When I showed him the cloak, one of the first things he said was how surprising it was to see me wearing something just because it looks good. Don't tell him I have a fashion sense, too."

"He's gone until the meeting," Hidan reassured. "So, uh, have fun doing whatever you're doing."

Sasori's laptop made a ping sound. "Excellent. He accepted my friend request."

Yahiko and Hidan left. "Nagato and I have a Facebook page we use kind of often," Yahiko said. "I should do that! It would be great!"

Now that he had finally stopped thinking about his faults and inadequacies, it was possible for other thoughts to appear. Yahiko stopped short in the middle of the hallway. He blinked at the wall.

"You okay?" Hidan asked.

Yahiko stared at him. "Wait…were you implying…that…you like me that way?"

Hidan brought both palms up in a double facepalm, or rather a double faceslap. "For the love of fucking tapdancing spiders!" He pulled out his phone and checked the time. "It's been a solid 8 minutes!"

"Is that a yes…?"

"I was wrong, Sunshine." Hidan put his phone away and shook his head. "You need a lot more than three clue by fours to the face. I'm upgrading my estimate to somewhere between 5 and 10."

"I thought you were dating Konan…"

"I'm poly. So's she. We've talked about it, and she's cool with it.'

"Oh." And with that, Yahiko ran out of words. He wanted to say more, but his ideas of what he wanted to say were too confused and vague, like dust in a storm. He couldn't think of where to start or how to phrase anything.

"Don't worry," Hidan said. He knocked himself on the head a couple times to force his thoughts into order. "I wouldn't, like, force anything on you. I'm cool. I like hanging out with you. It's fine."

*************... Yahiko tried to think of something to say, but he kept conjuring mental images of snowstorms for some reason. *******. He also tried to turn away so he wasn't endlessly staring at Hidan, but failed at that too. He couldn't seem to move. ****. *********. *******?

"Did I break you?" Hidan asked. "Crap. Sorry." He went behind Yahiko and took hold of Yahiko's shoulders. "Beep boop. Back to your room you go." He steered Yahiko through the hallways back to his room, spun Yahiko around, and pushed him down onto the edge of his bed. "Awesome! Let me know when the reboot's done." He left.

******? Yahiko swallowed to moisten his suddenly-dry throat. *****... ^$^%#^^%#^5^ 76%#63 &*? #$&^*$^ . Hajawajawahuwa? I've never had somebody like me before.

Distantly, he heard movement in the halls. It was a while before the movement reached his room. Nagato opened the door. "Hey, I got the tacos. Konan figured we would eat them, then start the conversation."

Thank the gods for Nagato! Now everything can get back to normal. "Sounds great! Hey, I put together an outfit for you. Did you know Sasori has a fashion sense?"

.

A/N: Okay, so technically something happened. Whew.

Next chapter will most likely be a long chapter. Knowing me, the conversation will get super long, and I already have plans for the meeting too. Lengthiness is a hazard under such conditions.

Everything said about soft tacos in this chapter is entirely true, except for the thing Hidan said about crack. They aren't made of illegal substances. But they are so, so, so compelling... What is it with those things?

I'm sure Yahiko will be fine.

See y'all next week!