A/N: I am proud to announce that I have started using Google-fu. Character names from now on will be (mostly) created by googling "japanese for [thing]." Kiku is what I got when I googled "japanese for chrysanthemum," Yosei for "fairy," and Gagoiru (shocker) for "gargoyle." There is a japanese word for something they have that's kind of analogous to gargoyles, which translates literally as "demon tile." But I didn't want an analogue. I wanted a real, genuine gargoyle. After fairy, how could I not?

I am less proud to announce that I made a mistake. I jumped the gun. I knew there would be a chapter titled Three at some point, and not knowing what would be in these chapters in advance, I mistakenly put that as the title of last chapter when actually events last chapter did not reach the point where they deserved it. The chapter before this has been renamed Kablooie. This is the chapter that deserves that title.

Hee hee!

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Shikaku

Kiku, the man with white eyes, waited for several minutes after the meeting was concluded. The black-cloaked strangers, only one of whom actually wore a black cloak at present, departed. They seemed to think the meeting was a smashing success.

Shikaku likewise waited a few minutes after they had gone, relaxing on the bench. Then he stretched and stood up. Kiku took that as his cue to speak. "Do you really believe all those things they said?"

"No." Shikaku shook himself as if to get something clingy and distasteful out of his hair. "Do you?"

"No."

Jiraiya huffed. "Why not? It would explain so many things. I trust them."

"I don't," Shikaku replied. "The shark man left out many things. They seemed… Hm. I'm not a wordsmith; perhaps you can describe it better than I can. They were too coordinated."

Jiraiya rubbed his chin. "As if the group was greater than the people in it?"

"Yes. Exactly that."

Yosei smoothed back her purple hair. "That woman. She was scary."

"What did the shark man ask you to shut your mouth about?" Shikaku asked Jiraiya.

"Do you think I would betray a friend's trust?" Jiraiya asked, offended.

"We need to know."

Jiraiya sighed. "Alright. He mentioned that she's bipolar, and stole something from one of them once."

"It's decided then. I won't be going to them for guidance unless I'm very desperate."

"Do you really think they have a god in their basement?" asked Kiku.

"Of course not. That's impossible." Though the way they said it so straightforwardly, as if it made complete sense… Morbid curiosity almost compels me to try to figure out what is wrong with those people. Almost. I'd have to be crazy myself to risk getting sucked in. While we were talking to them, they seemed to make sense. I'm not convinced that guy's charm power is really limited to him.

"What about that document they gave us?" Kiku asked, motioning to the papers Shikaku held in his right hand.

"This, at least, appears to be accurate," Shikaku said. "They aren't liars. Everything they told us, they sincerely believe. I just don't believe they're as well informed as they think they are."

The white-haired guy shook his head. "On the off chance, you know, I'd still rather not visit those abandoned houses or the woods at night."

"That's just common sense."

Jiraiya huffed. "Come on, Shikaku. Where's your sense of adventure? We already know magic. Why shouldn't we be ninjas from another world? I have to admit, 'Jiraiya: Ninja Master' has a nice ring to it…"

Shikaku shook his head. "You let your imagination go too far sometimes."

"I agree with Gagoiru," Kiku said. "On the off chance, just in case, I think I will steer clear of the dangers they warned us about from now on."

"Of course," Shikaku agreed. "Like I said, that's just common sense. But ninjas, gods, a godlike demon...no."

"Heyyy."

Shikaku blinked and turned around. There, on the bench where he had been sitting, was a small boy with white hair and dark clothes. He wore a mask over his face just like the green-eyed Akatsuki member had. His eyes were wide and his voice had sounded hurt. "Don't say that about my friends."

When did this kid sneak up? And why did none of us notice him until now? "Those people are friends of yours?"

"No," the boy said. "The local gods are friends of mine. My best friends. Don't say that about my friends!" He began to growl.

If the local gods are supposedly friends of his, that would make him… By process of elimination, the only supernatural figure described thus far who was on the same level as a god and not actually one of them was the demon. The all-powerful, reality-warping demon who had no sense of morality and only did what he liked. "I didn't mean any insult against any gods there may be. I was only expressing my disbelief that those people have their heads on correctly."

"Oh, they don't, " the boy said, as chipper as it was possible to be. "But in a fun way! Maybe you were right earlier. I like them."

I don't really believe this boy is a demon, do I? Regardless, it's best to act as if I do. It's not always wise to let your skepticism show. Shikaku shook his head. "Your definition of fun is very different from mine."

"Are you that demon kid they talked about?" Jiraiya asked. "Can I interview you? You would make an interesting base for a character."

"Nah." The boy swung his legs back and forth. "But you can interview some of my ghosts if you want. They're dead."

"Ah…"

"Hee hee!"

Shikaku winced. The space around the boy became very disorienting to look at. Then the boy disappeared, and with him, the pain. It was just normal air again.

Jiraiya rubbed his eyes. "Ow."

Shikaku heard a whimper. He turned around to see Kiku curled up on the ground with his eyes squeezed shut, gasping. "I used the Byakugan," he forced out.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing! He was invisible. Though, if I looked closely, I could see a big empty space in the shape of a boy. Just not the kid himself."

Yosei looked down at him, concerned. "What was he? A - a ghost?"

"Weren't you listening?" Jiraiya asked. "He's obviously the demon they were talking about! The one who can warp reality? Has everyone gone blind except me?"

"Alright, so the demon is real," Shikaku admitted. "But I still disbelieve that they have a god in their basement."

"Go to their place and take a peek at the basement," Jiraiya suggested.

Shikaku said nothing. The only response he could give was an admission that he believed the claim already. Not fully, but enough to avoid doing as suggested for fear of what he might find. If I didn't think they might be right, I would have nothing to fear. Damn. I wish I'd never called. This is such a bother…

"Haha! You believe it, don't you? At least a little," Jiraiya teased. "I wonder what kind of god it is… Having a god on your side is the stuff of myth and legend. I never thought I'd live somewhere so exciting!"

Kiku, having recovered from his epic headache, stood up with Yosei's help. "I would like not to. Well, see you around."

The other three had already left. They were true acquaintances, every bit as distant as that term implied. Yosei knew them; Shikaku didn't even know their names. The only person here he could really claim to be friends with was Jiraiya. Jiraiya stood beside him as Kiku, Yosei and Gagoiru left.

"Really, what's the harm?" Jiraiya asked. "They said it themselves. Where we come from doesn't matter. It's just a fun story."

"You forget that I have a son."

Jiraiya raced through all the implications of that at lightning speed. He took a step back. "Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't think about that," he said while blushing red as a beet.

"Apology accepted. Now, I think I will go and relax for the afternoon. This is enough disturbance for one day."

"Suit yourself." Jiraiya wandered off, no doubt for much more active pursuits.

So then… Shall I take that man up on his offer of chess…?

Kisame

"Thanks. I owe you guys a bunch of favors."

Chiki smiled, a rare thing. "We'll tell you when they need repaying."

"That's one of the most frightening things I've ever heard."

Chiki shrugged. "Take it as you want." He left.

Kisame unlocked his car and opened the driver's door. He tipped his head, indicating that Nagato and Yahiko should join him. Once inside, he leaned across to open the door for Samehada. They all got settled and drove away.

"So he has actually met sentient frogs before," Nagato repeated. "I still can't believe it."

"I can't believe you guys never wondered why he had such a thing for them," Kisame retorted. "Did you never notice that frog costumes are a weird thing to get for Halloween?"

"I just thought he liked frogs," Yahiko said.

"For the last time, we liked those costumes. It was fun, not mortifying," Nagato said.

Kisame shivered. "Still weird." Samehada chirped and licked his cheek.

"What did you think of him, Sammy?" Yahiko asked.

Samehada trilled and flapped his fins. "Loved him," Kisame translated. "So...the guy's your adoptive dad, basically."

"Yeah."

"Seemed like he has great success with the ladies. You ever, uh, meet anyone special in his life?"

They exchanged a glance. "Not really," Yahiko said.

"He mentioned someone once," Nagato said hesitantly. "When I, um, was talking to him about something. I forget what." His cheeks were flushed. "A very old friend of his that he liked. She was away at medical school at the time."

"Really?" Yahiko tilted his head. "Doctors are so busy all the time, so responsible. I would have thought they'd be totally the opposite of his type."

"Opposites attract," Kisame muttered. "Here's some more love advice, Same: humans tend to like mates who balance them out, keep them from going too far into extremes. Most people like balanced lives." Samehada let out a very high trill that reminded Kisame of the way preteen girls might squeal "Eeeeee!" in excitement.

"More love advice?" Nagato laughed. "What are you teaching him?"

"Not me! That guy. Jiraiya. He told me about this friend of his too." Now that I know it's not supposed to be a secret from them, I'll talk about it. I wish he'd shown me the same courtesy. "He gave us some advice about how to handle one-sided love. Wanna hear it?"

Nagato's heart pounded. Could Jiraiya help him out of his predicament after all?

Yahiko sucked in air. Could Jiraiya help him avoid hurting Hidan? Was there a way for things not to be awkward from now on?

"Sure," Nagato said as casually as he could.

"It was simple advice: be open about it," Kisame said. "She knows. He said they joke about it, if you believe that. Somehow joking and talking about it makes it easier? I don't understand how that could possibly work. I'd expect it to smart, being so close and yet…"

Nagato deflated. It wasn't new advice. He already knew talking to Yahiko, confessing, letting him in to see this previously secret part of his life, was the best way out of the trap he found himself in. But the trap blocked its own exit. Somehow, Nagato could never find either the words or the courage or both. All he could do was hope that by cultivating his own understanding, he might one day have the words.

Yahiko fought to repress his chakra and a great big smile. Of course! He could see it now. Nothing was awkward with Hidan. Just because unrequited love was supposed to hurt didn't mean it had to. What was the point of being a prophet if you didn't get to break the rules?

"I think it's a freak thing if it really works for him," Kisame said. "There's no way someone in that situation could just talk about it. And even if they could, how could it not make everything awkward? The whole point of unrequited love is that nobody talks about it. It's always secret. His advice isn't realistic at all."

"I don't know, Kisame," Yahiko said. "A lot of freak things are realistic around here."

"It's still good advice," Nagato murmured.

Samehada trilled and flapped his fins in agreement.

"Eh, what are we even talking about this for," Kisame muttered. "We're all a bunch of bachelors. I, for one, have no friggin' clue what I'm talking about."

Yahiko

Yahiko raced to put his new plan into action as soon as Kisame parked his car around the side of the abandoned hotel. He found Hidan practicing scythe-throwing in the other training room, the one that was made up with a bunch of mobile toys and things tied to string. Hidan was trying to hit a target without cutting the strings attached to it. The target was on the floor, so he had to use the rope. He had already cut three strings.

Yahiko waited quietly by the door. Hidan threw his scythe and jerked the rope to make it bite down like a three-fanged viper. He winced. Carefully, as if too quick a movement could set off a bomb, he sidled up to the scythe and pulled it loose from the target. He sighed in relief. The string had just barely avoided being cut by the third blade.

"Hey," Yahiko called softly.

"Yeah?" Hidan rested the scythe against his shoulder and turned around. "Wazzit?"

"I wanted to talk," Yahiko said. "About the thing. Kisame said that Jiraiya said that it was a good idea, so…"

"I have no idea what you're saying, but fuck yeah." Hidan swung the scythe around to place it on his back. He was still wearing his black t-shirt, so the rope wrapped around his waist. He took care not to snag it on anything as he crossed the room. "Your place or mine?"

They sat on the bed in Yahiko's room. This is starting to feel familiar, like something we do. It's nice! "Can I…?" Hidan shrugged. Yahiko made the hand signs and performed Transformation Jutsu. He grinned. This feels familiar! Not weird! Yes!

Hidan gave him a thumbs up. "Nice!"

"Yeah!" Yahiko ran a hand through his long hair and sighed. "Do you...like me just as much in this form? I know you like girls too, but it has to make a difference, right?"

"This might sound really friggin' weird, considering stuff I've said before," Hidan began. "But it really feels natural and not so different...as long as I'm a girl too." He assumed his female form upon saying that.

"But I thought you didn't have any interest in being a girl with a girl," Yahiko remembered.

"I know. I just said it was weird. But with you… It's different. Like...the important part is being the same as you, and not… Not me. The important part is you." Hidan looked vulnerable all of a sudden. "I don't sound creepy, do I? I can be a guy again if you want."

"No, no," Yahiko told him. "It's all right."

"I know it scares you and all…"

"I…" Yahiko frowned. People feeling strongly does scare me. Itachi taught me that. So why am I not scared now? Is it because he's so casual, as if he doesn't really care that much? "Not if I can't see it."

Hidan frowned. "But you do know about it. I told you."

"No, I can't see it," Yahiko repeated. "You don't look at me like...in a scary way. You don't sound it. I would freak out if you flirted with me. But not - not this." I can't explain things!

Hidan looked down. Oh, no. Open foot, insert mouth. No, other way around. Oh god. Yahiko's face felt like it was rapidly becoming the surface of the sun. I just shouldn't try to talk, even in my thoughts. I can't believe what I just said. I told him he's allowed to like me, he's just not allowed to show it. Like telling someone it's fine if they're gay, as long as they never seriously talk about their love life the way straight people get to talk about theirs. That's a really bad thing to do to someone. How could I?

"I mean -" he stammered. "I didn't -"

"I get ya," Hidan said.

"No -"

Hidan looked up. His face showed the same panic Yahiko was rapidly descending into. "I get it, it's way too much, and I shouldn't -"

"No!" Yahiko buried his face in his hands. "That wasn't what I meant to say at all. I'm so sorry!" His voice cracked on the last word as he started to cry. I wanted to follow Jiraiya's advice so he wouldn't be hurt. What do I do? I hurt him even more.

Hidan finally realized the escalating nervousness he was falling victim to might not be all his own. "Sunshine? Shit." He undid the rope mechanism from his waist, moved the harness around to his other side so the rope did not wrap around him, and took the scythe off his back, letting it and the harness fall off the edge of the bed behind him. He wrapped Yahiko in a hug. It made him feel terrible, suddenly unsure if he was doing the right thing or if he even could do the right thing. He hugged Yahiko tighter.

Yahiko hugged him back and sobbed into his shoulder. Eventually he was able to say, "I read that in a book."

"Read what?" Hidan, too, could hardly speak.

"About this girl, at a camp, where there were lots of gay kids. And she thought she was so accepting. But then they got a gay staff member, and he wasn't half in the closet like the kids were. He was out. He actually brought around a guy he was dating and everything. And she thought it was gross. Realized it was only okay if they stayed halfway in the closet. She wasn't really accepting at all." Yahiko sniffed. "I don't want to do that to you. I'm sorry. I'll try to be braver."

Hidan choked as he started to laugh. His stomach muscles clenched and wouldn't relax. He ended up laughing into Yahiko's shoulder just as hard as Yahiko had sobbed into his. Eventually, by force of will, he gulped down some air. "Oh fuck. Sweet lady of mercy. You...thought about me flirting with you...and the first thing you thought of was how I would feel." He let out one last burst of laughter. "Sunshine, I have no idea what gender you are, but you sound so much like a girl just now. Seriously. I read advice columns to check myself, and that's like half the letters sent by women. I don't fucking believe it."

"I don't understand."

"Course ya don't." Hidan started laughing again.

...Well, now he's happy again? I think? I must have done something right. Yahiko smiled. "I mean it. I'll work on it."

Hidan clutched his chest and fell off the bed. "Ow," he said amid gales of wheezing, mostly silent laughter.

"Ow? What happened?" Yahiko looked over the side of the bed. He gasped. Hidan had landed on his scythe's blades, specifically their pointy ends. That was the most likely cause of the "ow." "Should I get some water? Do you need a bandage?"

Hidan batted a hand at him. "Nah, I heal fast. Really fast. Took a gut wound once from Konan, waited for you to get back and heal me. Kinda passed out while waiting. When I woke up, it was mostly healed. This is nothing."

"Oh. Okay. Um, you don't have to worry about bleeding on the carpet. It's ratty and terrible. I don't mind."

Hidan wheezed. "I am going to die. Just fucking die. I'm serious! I could accidentally throw my soul out with all this laughing. You never know."

Yahiko smiled. Before he knew it he was laughing too. "But it's a bad carpet! I was serious too!"

"We're both serious!"

Yahiko leaped off the bed and lay next to Hidan on the floor, giggling like mad. "I know!"

They laughed together until they were spent. Then, with aching ribs and breaths that hitched, they looked at each other. "Sunshine?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to flirt with you."

"Okay."

"You're so beautiful right now I don't even believe it," Hidan said. "I want to laugh like this with you every week at a minimum."

Yahiko smiled. I'm not scared! "Thank you."

Hidan sighed. "Y'know, really, I can flirt with you as much as I want. You don't notice. It's just like any other compliment to you."

"That's good. I don't want to be scared."

"Yeah, but…" Hidan shook his head. "It's only nice when you know. It's no fun to play a game alone. I'll tell you, like I did just now."

"Even though you told me, it still felt like just a compliment." Yahiko smiled. "When I think of flirting, I think of more...aggressive things."

Hidan squeezed his eyes shut. "I know what you're talking about, and I'm trying to hold myself back from doing exactly that. That's my usual approach. Fuck. It's like reflex!"

"I could get up."

"Please."

Yahiko got up. What just happened? Um… Distraction. Need distraction. "So, uh, um, how long does your fast healing take to kick in? Do you still need a bandage?"

Hidan took a deep breath and sat up. He winced and leaned to his left. The scythe had cut his right shoulder. Not much had leaked through onto the carpet, but a significant area of his shirt was wet and sticky-looking. "Dunno. Hasn't happened yet."

Need more distraction. "You said you passed out the first time?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe it helped?"

"I can't just make myself pass out on command."

"So you do need a bandage." Yahiko looked around. "I haven't gotten any of my own. I'll get some from Konan. Wait here."

Yahiko twisted the door handle, felt it unlock, and started to push. "Wait. Sunshine," Hidan called.

"What?"

Hidan was staring at him with pride glowing in his eyes and a smile on his lips. Yahiko smiled back, thinking it was another flirty thing. Hidan shrugged. "If you're going to go out in that form, it should be your choice. Making that choice would be a real accomplishment. Are you ready?"

Yahiko's bubble of comfort burst. Oh god. I almost walked out the door in this form. His heart started to hammer in his chest. "I don't think so," he squeaked.

Hidan shrugged again. "Yeah, figured."

Yahiko's eyes filled with tears again. "I'll go get them," he said, dispelling the Transformation Jutsu. He entered the hallway and closed the door behind him. Then he stood there, silently processing everything that was going through him.

I wish you hadn't. I was so close. I could have walked out the door, and then I would have seen for myself that it was okay. Why did you stop me? I was so close. I don't want it to be my choice. I'm not strong enough to make that choice. It hurts and makes me feel guilty. I know you meant well, but I wish you hadn't told me.

"Yahiko?"

Yahiko blinked the tears away. So close. If he just hadn't told me, I would have proof right now that people will see me in that form and accept me. If only he hadn't stopped me! "Hey."

"You okay?" asked Nagato. "You've been standing here for a while."

"I was thinking about stuff."

"So was I."

There was a pause. A vast, silent pause of the sort that could be described as pregnant. Pregnancy implied potential.

"Do you want to tell me what you were thinking about?" Yahiko asked desperately.

"Yes," Nagato answered, just as desperately. "Do you want to tell me?"

"More than anything. I'm almost bursting right now."

Another pause. "I can't do it," Nagato whispered. "Something is stealing my words."

"I'm scared," Yahiko whimpered.

Nagato took a deep breath. "Okay, clearly neither of us are ready for this now. How about in a week? We can sit down then and try to talk."

"Okay. In a week." Another standard I'll fail, like I've failed before.

Nagato gave him a hug. Yahiko returned it. On impulse, he whispered, "Help me," into Nagato's hair.

"You are more beautiful than anything else I've ever seen," Nagato whispered back. "You always have been. It's alright. You're all right."

"Thank you." What would I do without him? These things he says lift me right up off the ground. What would I do without someone who believed in me as much as he does? Yahiko squeezed him tighter, then let go.

Nagato had a smile on his face. "Heh. Look at that. We're not doing too bad after all."

Yahiko started to smile back. "I don't understand?"

"You couldn't have asked me that before, could you? And I'm not sure I could have said that. We are making progress."

What would I do? "Thank you."

Nagato giggled. "Yeah, um. See you in a week."

"See you." Maybe I won't fail.

Nagato ducked his head and walked past, entering his own room. Yahiko tried to hold this new feeling of hope in his hands. Then he remembered what he was doing out in the hall, and hurried off to ask Konan for bandages.

Sasori

Kakuzu and Sasori did not enter the hotel when they returned. Instead they sat inside Sasori's shed. It was a medium-sized cave of wood. That appealed to them both.

"Kisame's back," Kakuzu concluded.

"Yep. Looks that way."

"You saw how he stood up to Shikaku in defense of the rest of us."

"I did," Sasori agreed. "He said, out loud, with plenty of witnesses, that he was interested in learning about ninja life."

"He's definitely back."

"Oh yeah."

Silence.

"So why aren't we in there?"

More silence.

"Talking might happen," Kakuzu grumbled. "I don't like that."

"Me neither. We wouldn't be friends with him if we were chatty."

Yet more silence.

"It feels like I'm waiting for something. Are you also waiting?"

"Yes."

"What are we waiting for?"

Whatever it was, they waited for it in silence.

Car sounds came from outside. Then nothing. Several minutes passed. Then there were footsteps outside. Then the door creaked. Then Kisame was leaning in and looking around. "What am I interrupting?"

"Complete silence," Sasori said. Hey, I'm smiling all of a sudden. "Get in here."

"We were waiting," Kakuzu said grumpily.

Kisame closed the door. "So…" He rubbed the back of his head. "Konan told me you guys weren't taking it well after I left."

"It's a little hard to when one of your co-conspirators goes missing," Sasori said.

"Co-conspirators?"

"Of the night that shall not be mentioned," Sasori said. "You were mad that they all conspired to not tell us about Hidan. But really, are we any different?"

Kisame looked at Kakuzu. Kakuzu held up a hand, black and iron-hard and easily capable of killing someone with a thrust. Kisame's eyes widened. "Oh. That."

"Two co-conspirators," Sasori corrected himself. "Where's Same?"

"Greeting everyone, including the walls and lamps," Kisame said. "He's easily friends with everyone. Not like me."

"You looked for us and then came straight here?" There I am smiling again.

"Maybe."

Kakuzu hates talking. But maybe I don't. Sasori got up from his stool and gave Kisame a hug. "We missed you too."

Kisame awkwardly hugged him back. He said nothing. They parted. Sasori went back to his stool, Kisame stood near the door, and Kakuzu continued to sit on a table across from Sasori.

Nothing needed to be said, so Sasori started to play with his strings. He snapped them out at each other, forming continuous strings of soft blue light winding between his fingers. He wrapped them around his fingers, as he would a real string, and began to twist them and work them into intricate patterns around his fingers.

"Cat's cradle," Kakuzu said. He squinted. "Except you're not making loops or creating anything. You're just weaving them around your fingers."

Sasori worked his fingers out of the weavings, which promptly collapsed. He started again. "That I am."

"Is there a way to make them into a net?" Kisame asked.

Sasori removed his fingers again. The strings went back to hanging smoothly between his fingers. "You know, I seem to remember that document saying something about wind chakra splitting chakra." He concentrated on his strings and gathered chakra in his fingers, trying to make the chakra as windy and slicy as he could. He had not the slightest clue how to do that, but something about it felt different. He channeled that chakra through his strings in a pulse.

Nothing happened. But the strings did look less solid for the moment the pulse passed through them.

Sasori tried again, and again. The strings began to fray. Encouraged, he kept going, getting more of a feel for what wind chakra felt like. The strings frayed more and more. Eventually, he took a deep breath, pushed aside the lightheadedness that had set in, and pushed again. The strings split, frayed ends flying out to all sides. They found nothing to connect to except neighboring strings. So the frayed ends met their neighbors and fused together, forming a kind of net. Sasori hadn't made many splits, so it was a net with very wide holes. But it was a start.

Kisame and Kakuzu clapped. Sasori looked up to smile at them. Immediately his vision swam. "Huh?" It cleared, but a thick, heavy feeling remained in his head. Something inside his face felt clenched. Sasori let go of his strings and rubbed his forehead. He felt better after doing that. Wait, am I channeling chakra into my head? Only now did he realize he was low on chakra.

"Low on chakra?" Kisame asked.

"How? You were sending bursts of it from hand to hand. You didn't spend any of it," Kakuzu said.

"I'm sure a bunch of it leaked out from the strings." Sasori shook his head. I just invented a new thing. Chakra netting. Why am I not proud of it? I think I was proud for a second there, before the headache started. But now he could not feel anything except exhaustion.

"It's ruining my ability to be proud of what I just did," he told the others. "All I want to do is find somewhere comfortable to sit and stare at a wall."

Kisame grunted. "I'll tell Samehada. He'll pick up the slack for you."

They went back to sitting or standing in silence. Sasori found that he did not want to move, after all. His current seat was comfortable enough, and the shed was the quiet sort of setting he wanted to be in. He closed his eyes and felt the soft, tight, comfortable atmosphere wrap around him like a swaddling cloth. Mm. Maybe I'm sensing the free-floating chakra in the air. This place has an aura just like Konan does.

Kakuzu looked around. "Is it possible for places to have chakra?"

"If the moon can have chakra, why not." Kisame took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "I'll get Same. Find out what he has to say about it." He left. All too shortly later, he came back with Samehada in tow. Samehada made all kinds of happy sounds and nuzzled Sasori's and Kakuzu's legs. After nuzzling Kakuzu, he came back to Sasori and made a questioning noise.

"Low on chakra," Sasori said. "Same, does this place have a special chakra in the air?"

Samehada made another questioning noise. It was deeper and did not end in an interrogative way: just a thinking noise. He turned in a circle and licked the air, then rolled his tongue around his mouth like an expert wine taster. Tentatively, he shook his head no.

"So it's just the wood and the enclosed space and the quiet," Sasori murmured. "That's good enough." He had not opened his eyes. Even while talking, he could feel the soothing atmosphere wrapped around him. I almost want to sleep here. No; stop pretending. I do want to sleep here. "Could one of you get me blankets? I'm in the mood for a nap."

"In the middle of the day on a weekend?" Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"I think we've already done our pivotal life-changing event for today."

"Don't let yourself get too sure." Kakuzu got up and went to the door to get blankets. As he passed Kisame, he paused. "Welcome back." Then he was gone.

Kisame sighed. "I'm not sure what's going on," he confessed. "Up might be down and down might be up. I don't know what I'm doing, nevermind whether it's the right thing or not."

"I find up and down to be largely irrelevant," Sasori murmured.

"Really?"

"All I need is forward and sideways. Forward to know I'm doing something, and sideways to know I have something with me."

"I want to know I'm doing the right thing," Kisame argued. "I want there to be a right thing, and I want to know what it is, and I want to do it."

Sasori shrugged. You really are not suited for this world. You must hate your original's guts. He's effectively crippled you.

"But maybe that's another holdover from him," Kisame snarled. "I hate that fucking bastard."

He finally sat down, in the same place where Kakuzu had been. Samehada whined. Human Cousin was upset for one of those complicated human reasons that Samehada couldn't do anything about, and he was angry at someone. Why? Didn't they just say the air was cozy? Nothing had changed, but all of a sudden Human Cousin was upset. Why did the humans change so fast for no reason?

"My thoughts are complicated," Kisame said. That did not resolve Samehada's confusion. Thoughts weren't events. Were they? Maybe for humans, they were. Samehada whined again. A lot of the things he was confused by could only be resolved by reminding himself that human people were just different than he was and he would never understand. It wasn't an easy resolution, or a well-fitting one.

Kakuzu returned with blankets. Sasori finally opened his eyes and made himself a nest on the floor, away from the door. He was startled to find his movements slow and his eyes droopy. Sitting still had done much to lull him to sleep.

"Have a nice nap," Kisame said.

"Mhm." Sasori yawned. "Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Welcome back."

Kisame smirked. "Glad to be back."

.

A/N: I have no idea if I ship Yahiko and Hidan together or not. I'm pretty sure Yahiko would not be interested, but then scenes like this happen. I'll find out what's going on the same time everyone else does.

"Open foot, insert mouth," was what I originally typed before realizing that's not the right way to say it. I was going to go back and fix it, but decided to leave it in since it's funny and word problems are part of Yahiko's character. Hee hee!

The book Yahiko references is an autobiography, or memoir, or whatever that kind of book is called by Tina Fey, titled Bossypants. I didn't describe that chapter 100%, because it would be really rude and intrusive to do that with someone else's autobiography. You want to know the full story, you go read the book.

I greatly enjoy reading advice columns. That pattern in particular, of women writing in asking how they can try harder to fix situations that are 100% caused by the men in their lives being jerks, is something that was pointed out to me on Captain Awkward's website. If you want to know how to set boundaries, if having exact scripts for a difficult discussion really helps, I recommend her.

And yes, this last scene with Sasori was written while I was tired.

See ya next week! I have no idea what'll be happening!