A/N: In which nothing of earth-shattering importance happens, but I had fun. Got my wisdom teeth out yesterday! All four of them at once! It was cool, but the aftereffects really suck. Give me the procedure itself over its aftereffects any day. I hate not being able to close my mouth. I have dreams where I can't do that, and they're really annoying. Also I can't eat anything. I am hungry, but then as soon as I start eating I'm not? Like the food isn't appetizing, or like swallowing residual amounts of my own blood has made my stomach unhappy. Darned stomachs.
Rarg.
.
General
Nothing eventful happened for the rest of that day. Sasori slept. Kisame and Kakuzu competed to see who could perform best in the training room with the punching bags. Kakuzu won; this was attributed to Kisame's original having been a swordsman. Deidara took Laurie home. Hidan sighed with pleasure as Yahiko applied a bandage to his shoulder. Konan gave Yahiko one of her storage scrolls of bandages and taught him how to use it. He promptly took it to Sasori, under the correct impression that Sasori would be very interested in having a place to store parts. He did not find out that this impression was correct until later, after leaving the storage scroll on a table and sneaking out and telling Konan about it. She remarked that learning to use sealing would actually be one of the most useful skills they could learn. Unfortunately, it was the one skill in the entire collection of things chakra could be used for that she knew nothing about. Also, they did not have chakra ink.
Itachi paced around the halls in a frenzy of thinking. He suspected something was off about the meeting, and felt that it was of great importance that he decipher what it was. He crossed paths with Konan, who had not until then suspected anything of the sort. She promised to think more about it. Hidan came out to berate Itachi for making him all jumpy and restless. Unfortunately, he too could do nothing to help the cause of Itachi's restlessness. He hadn't felt anything to indicate something had gone wrong, as far as he knew. But that wasn't very far.
They decided to have dinner outside again. Kisame volunteered to cook, as did Kakuzu. They were both rather desperate to stay busy. Konan's left eye twitched. She disappeared into her room and was not seen again until dinner time.
"We really have got to get a fucking sink in here," Kisame muttered as Kakuzu brought him another container of water. "We cannot keep going into Sasori's room and using his bathroom sink. It's freakin' weird."
"At least we know we have a reliable water supply."
Dinner was macaroni and cheese. Kakuzu threw together a salad for Konan. Everyone took bowls into the backyard, where a fire had already been set. Nobody went to get her, yet Konan mysteriously appeared at just the same time as everyone else gathered.
"Thank you," she said, accepting the salad.
"This is delicious," Nagato said. "My compliments to the chef."
"It's not hard," Kisame grumbled. He smiled anyway.
"Hey everyone, I have news," Yahiko announced. "Hidan heals really fast, but only if he falls unconscious."
Kakuzu nodded. "Not surprising. Of course someone who can survive any wound would be able to heal from them."
"What does being unconscious have to do with it?" Nagato asked. "Do you know, Konan?"
Konan shook her head.
"So this wasn't one of the things you found out when you were scouting his original?"
"No." Konan chewed thoughtfully on a piece of cucumber. "Though… We stole his records from his village of birth, of course. There was a mention of miraculous survival. When he was 13, he sustained a wound in battle that should have been fatal. But it did not kill him."
"Could he have passed out and healed from it fast enough to not bleed out?" Nagato wondered.
"That would be just as miraculous as his present immortality."
"I wasn't going to die this time," Hidan protested. "Because I'm immortal now. The plan was to wait for Sunshine to come back and heal me. Why would I go into a survival coma when I wasn't going to die?"
Yahiko shrugged. "Whatever happened, I'm glad."
There was no further conversation on this subject. Dinner was finished in silence.
Itachi cleared his throat. "Ahem. I do not wish to be the bearer of bad news. But, I suspect the meeting with Shikaku's people did not go as well as we thought it did. I have been unable to shake the conviction that something is wrong."
"What? What could be wrong?" Yahiko asked. "They listened to what we had to say. We had a nice conversation. It was friendly. What could be wrong?"
"Maybe a little too friendly," Kisame muttered. "They sounded like they didn't believe a word Konan said at first. Then we cheer up Laurie, and suddenly they're ready to talk like it's fact?"
"Clearly, the diversion allowed them to process what was said and move past disbelief," Itachi replied.
"Or it allowed them to get control over themselves and put on their acting faces," Kisame said. "Did they actually believe a single thing we said?"
The fire went dead quiet. Nobody else had considered the idea of acting, of not showing one's true reaction. "You mean they only pretended to understand us?" Deidara asked in shock.
"The whole event could have been for nothing," Kakuzu muttered.
"No, no way," Yahiko protested. "That's not true! I know it isn't."
"You got a reason why not?" Kisame asked, eyebrow raised.
"Um… Well…"
"You disbelieved it too, didn't you?" Nagato said. "Or you said you did. Even if that was how you reacted, what Konan said made so much sense that you couldn't help but secretly wonder, somewhere in the back of your mind. The same thing will happen with them. It wasn't a waste of time."
"Yeah," Yahiko sighed. "That's it. It wasn't for nothing."
"Okay. There is no problem." Sasori put his bowl aside. "Now we can get to more important matters, like what is this and why was it left in my workshop?"
"That's one of Konan's sealing scrolls. I wanted to show it to you, but you were asleep." Yahiko moved so he sat behind Sasori and could look over the engineer's shoulder. "Maybe if we copy the design, we could copy the seal and use it for other things. You could keep parts in it."
"We do not have chakra ink," Konan said. "That is impossible."
"What's chakra ink made of, yeah?"
"I have no idea."
"Didn't you say blood could be used?" asked Itachi.
"I do not know if blood works the exact same way as ink. Seals that use blood are different from those made of ink. I do not think they are interchangeable."
"Eh. Knowing this place, we'll discover that the place that sells office supplies also carries chakra ink." Sasori studied the seal. "This could be useful. I'll draw a stencil for it."
More silence. Yahiko grinned and went back to his place. Sasori did a preliminary tracing of the seal with his eyes. Deidara shuffled anxiously. "Are we not going to talk about it, yeah?"
"Yes, I'm back," Kisame said. "Might as well throw my lot in on the side of a god. Why not."
Several people looked at him strangely. "This morning, you couldn't stand the idea of something controlling everything you did, yeah," Deidara said.
"If I let that make me stop trying to move at all, that would be an even worse form of control," Kisame murmured. "Better of two evils."
Itachi nodded. "I am just glad that we will be able to see you again."
Samehada had been dozing in the warmth of the fire and thinking about things much more important than the things the humans were talking about. The frog human had said it was good to make his desires known. Until he said that, it had never occurred to Samehada that that was something that needed doing. He didn't hide a thing. But when the frog human described joking about it, there was no way to ignore that Human Cousin did not joke about it. Samehada knew about human jokes. He would understand if Human Cousin had ever referenced anything. Of course, Human Cousin had also said he could not think of sharks that way. But he didn't seem uncomfortable like he was around the spotted cousin. And then he said he had no idea what he was talking about…
Was it possible that Human Cousin didn't know?
How could he not know? Samehada had brushed under his fingers many times, like the spotted cousin had, and he had known why she did that. But he wasn't uncomfortable and denied everything to the beast people and didn't make jokes. It made no sense. Together they had the body heat of one full human. They were joined back to belly very often. It made no sense!
Samehada whined. Being confused distressed him. And this time, the only way out of his confusion was more distressing still. Had everything been like those bad dreams where Samehada turned invisible and tried to get Human Cousin to help him only Human Cousin didn't know that he was there? Those were bad, bad dreams.
"You okay, Same?" Kisame asked. "I would have thought you'd be happy about this."
Samehada whined again and reared up to lick at his cheek. You, good. Love you. Us good.
Kisame hugged him back. "I'm okay. There's nothing to worry about, Same. Everything's okay for once."
Samehada whimpered. I not okay.
"I've noticed lately that he's been upset about something," Itachi said. "Something long term and complicated. Is that correct?"
Samehada nodded.
"Would you like us to try to help?" Itachi asked.
How could they help? Samehada didn't even understand what was wrong or how anything could be wrong. He made a high, frustrated warble and waved his tail back and forth in quick, sharp bursts.
"Long term? Complicated?" Kisame looked at his closest shark friend with new eyes. Since when does he think long term or in complicated ways? He's so grounded in the present. Not like me at all.
"Is your problem present at the aquarium or here?" Itachi asked.
Samehada shook his head and made another frustrated warble. Both places! Human Cousin was everywhere, because they were bonded for life and always had been and always would be. How could he not know how much Samehada cared for him? It made no sense! It was confusing!
Itachi sighed. "It may be too complicated to answer with simple yes or no questions…"
Kisame knew exactly what to do. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew what to do about it. The solution was always the same. He pulled Samehada close and gave the shark a tight hug.
Samehada could not help but relax. He could not help but trust the hug. His doubts were not strong enough to overpower all the other things that were so much more important, like warmth and closeness and love. Love you.
"Me too," Kisame said. "Me too."
Yahiko
The next morning, Yahiko sensed that he should not open his eyes. A whirl of ideas was still dancing in his head from his last dream. Samehada. One sided love. Jiraiya. Nagato. A woman doctor. Kisame. Deidara. His own questions about gender. With dream-given powers of deduction, he understood how all of these things were related. But though he did not open his eyes, he couldn't entirely stop himself from waking up. The feeling of understanding remained, but he forgot what exactly he understood. Then the feeling, too, went away. Yahiko opened his eyes and wished for that clarity to come back. It was just what he searched for in waking life! But it did not come back.
He sat up and yawned. All he wanted to do was stay in bed and try to capture that feeling again. Something told him he should not. He fumbled for his phone, checked the time, and realized it was Monday morning and he had to get up and go to work. My last week on the job.
He tried to recapture that understanding while he got dressed, while he made and ate breakfast, while he did all the things he would usually do to get ready. No success. I really felt like everything in my life made sense! It all made complete sense, including me. I made sense. He sighed.
"Last week of driving in together," Nagato said as they got into the car. "Unless you want to volunteer at the dog shelter. You would be really good with dogs."
"Maybe." Yahiko's brow wrinkled. "Maybe not. I don't want to find something so fast. I need time, I think. I had a dream last night where my life made sense. I don't think I've ever felt like that when I was awake."
"You want to make your dreams come true?" Nagato smiled as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"Yeah. Because my dreams…" Yahiko hesitated. He wasn't sure what he was about to say. "My dreams need to be true."
"Why do you say that?"
I don't know why I said it. I don't even know what it means. He was surprised to find his mouth opening to reply. "Because they make a picture out of things that don't have a picture."
"And you need a picture?"
This time, Yahiko had just enough clues to piece together what he was trying to say. "You always make sense of things for me. I say something and you explain why. You make the picture. If I'm not going to lean on you anymore, then I need to do that myself. I need to understand things for myself."
Nagato's brow furrowed. "You already do. Dreams come from inside your own head. You have to understand to have dreams like that."
"I can't reach it though! I can't talk like you can. I can't make it real. I want to." Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. How does it help me to understand vaguely, somewhere, when I can't understand right here and now and use my understanding? It doesn't help!
"What do you want to understand?"
"Me."
"Why do you want to understand you?"
"Because…" Again, Yahiko did not know what he was going to say. Who is talking through my mouth right now? "Because if I don't, nothing will happen."
"Because if you don't," Nagato continued, "you can't change a thing."
"Yeah." There he goes again, making sense out of what I have to say. How does he do it? It's so easy for him! Wait, I want to change something? What do I want to change?
"I get that," Nagato said. "I've been trying to make changes to my life recently. I've wanted to make those changes for a long time. But I can't. When I try to talk, I can't find the words."
"What? But you always have the words."
"Not for myself."
"You want to understand you too?"
"I think it's the only way to make happen what I want to happen."
Yahiko was astounded. He had technically been told that Nagato had troubles of his own. But it was hard to believe that. He seemed so put together, so understanding, so normal. Yahiko had trouble imagining what kind of problem he could have. But that's the problem. We never talked about hard things.
"Nagato? Why did you never tell me about whatever it is you're struggling with?"
Nagato took a sharp breath. "I was afraid it would change too much. That you would lose trust in me for not having told you before. That it would change things between us."
"Because we don't talk about personal stuff, and never have." Yahiko sighed. "I wish we had. I wish that was part of how we are. But…it doesn't occur to two young boys to talk about things like that."
"Konan says our originals were in a similar position, so it's not just that."
"I wish…"
He didn't say any more. The silence dragged on. "Yes?" Nagato asked.
Yahiko shook his head. I wish everything happened in a different order. I'm starting to understand. When I was really young, I was taught that I shouldn't act so much like a girl. But acting like a girl means talking about feelings and personal things, which is what I needed to do. But by the time I needed to, I was too embarrassed to talk that way anymore. If only I'd met him earlier!
They arrived at the department store. "See you later," Nagato said as Yahiko got out.
"Yeah. See you."
Kisame
Kisame's morning was hardly less difficult. "I'm sorry, Same," he apologized. "I'm starting to suspect that I've been a self-centered ass. For a long time, I think."
Samehada bit lightly on his fingers. It was a way of saying That's all right. Kisame patted his head. "I hadn't noticed that you were worried about anything. I've been trying to be a better friend, but I was so focused on my own problems that I didn't see anyone else's." Samehada warbled reassuringly again. Kisame took a deep breath. "What's wrong, and how can I help?"
Samehada stayed quiet, his tail gently swishing back and forth as he thought. Kisame sat on the floor and waited. How much have I missed because I was too busy being a neurotic hypocrite? What messages haven't I heard?
Samehada reared up and pressed his snout into Kisame's chest. He rumbled deeply, sending pleasant vibrations straight into Kisame's heart. Kisame held him in return. "This does not at all answer my questions. But I think I hear some of what you're saying. You want me to stay with you, no matter what?"
Samehada sighed. I missed something just now. But I was looking as hard as I could. Dammit! But then he nodded. I heard some of it correctly. Good.
"I care about you, Same." Kisame hugged his shark tightly. "Even if I'm a self-centered ass, even if I don't hear half the things you say, that's still true. I promise."
Samehada rumbled again. Kisame hoped that was an honest rumble straight from the core, that his words had honestly been enough, that he wasn't still on some level disappointing his best friend. Now that he knew Samehada had levels, the pressure was greater than it had ever been. If I fuck this up, my whole life will go off course. Because Same's right at the center of my life. He practically is my shark half. I'm not complete without him.
Dammit, if there is any time to get sappy, it's now. "I'm not complete without you," Kisame whispered. "You pretty much are my shark half. I'm trying to connect to that part of me, and I need your help. I can't be half shark without you."
Samehada trilled. He pulled back and licked Kisame on the face. Then he nudged his head, indicating that they should go somewhere. "Dammit," Kisame swore. "We have to go to work soon. I don't have time for that now. But later. I promise. Later." Samehada accepted his promise with another lick.
Kakuzu
"Sit your ass down."
"I'm sitting."
"Good. Listen."
"I'm listening."
Kakuzu checked to make sure. Then he began to describe the various sharks he had gotten acquainted with at the pool place. Hidan's eyes grew distant, as if he was picturing the faces Kakuzu described. He nodded in the right places, and not in that bobblehead way that people had when they were faking agreement. He was genuinely listening.
Next, Kakuzu drilled him on tactics. "If you can convince someone to bet too much, do it. With your charm, that should be easy. Once you collect money, stop. Have fun playing. If every game with you leads to betting too much and losing money, people are going to stop playing. You're a casual at heart anyway, so it's best to capitalize on that. Spend most of your time playing for fun. You won't look like a threat to anyone who can read people."
"How do I know when to stop playing for fun and start trying to get them to bet?" Hidan asked.
"Good marks are young, male, and if possible, surrounded by other young, male friends they want to impress. Reasonably skilled, but not enough that they can genuinely compete, and unaware of this. Have money, of course. Avoid anyone middle aged, and avoid anyone who acts like Itachi. They would see through you in a second.
"Beware of playing against other sharks. They will try to target you, especially since you look like the mark I just described. They're sharks, so it's guaranteed that they will be much more skilled than they seem." Kakuzu grinned. "If you're careful, you could turn this to your advantage. They have money, and they'll be the first to suggest betting. Match the skill level they pretend to have. They won't want to make it too obvious that they're sharks, so you won't have to either. They might use their real skill to sink a so-called 'lucky shot' during the last game, or something like that. You just have to do it before they do, and don't get caught."
"How the fudge do I do that?" Hidan asked. "If we're all using the same tactics, won't they notice anything I do?"
"They won't just be more skilled than they look. They'll also be using mental manipulation on you the whole time." Kakuzu described his first encounter with a shark. "Pretend to be falling for it. They'll let their guard down, and if you're acting erratically it'll seem more likely that your 'lucky shot' really was lucky."
Hidan frowned. "That won't last long. If I look like the perfect mark, but I don't lose money to them, they're gonna realize something's up. I'd have to lose money to them to keep my advantage, and that goes against the whole point of this."
"That goes against the whole point of everything," Kakuzu said. "Gambling is all about losing money. If you don't lose money, someone somewhere is going to realize something's up eventually. It's inevitable. The only question is how long you can keep it going."
"Twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern," Hidan said. "I could fleece three sharks, max, before I'm out."
"You're forgetting all the actual marks."
"Sounds like I have a lot of competition for those."
Kakuzu smirked. "That's where your charm, and the fact that you look just like one of them, will come in handy. The real marks will gravitate to you. And don't worry about the other sharks; they don't make it a practice to expose their own."
"They could change that. The pool's gotta get overcrowded at some point, right?"
"Yes, but if you rat out a fellow shark, it's more dangerous for you than for them. Accusations might or might not be believed, but everyone else in the shark pool is going to know for a fact that you're a rat. They're going to hate you for it. They'll turn on you. This system only works if everyone stays out of each other's way."
"Oh, right. That's how it works when everyone knows each other." Hidan grinned. He liked such homey environments. "This could be fun!"
"Think of money as the score in a game you're playing with all the other sharks," Kakuzu instructed. "That should help you do this, and it's not too far from the truth."
"Woohoo! Now I'm excited! Do I get to start right now?"
"First, I have to teach you what the rules of official pool are."
One teaching session later… "Are you fucking shitting me?! Why do all these rules even fucking exist?! They're not fun! Who the fuck invented these?!"
"People who didn't want pool to be fun. They wanted it to be competitive. Are you in, or not?"
Hidan grumbled under his breath. "Sure. I'm still in. Do I get to play with the people who have actual fun sometimes?"
"Once or twice," Kakuzu allowed. "But stay in the pool of competitive players. Don't let yourself look like a casual. Play a game or two when you're tired and leave right after. That will make sense to anyone paying attention."
"Do I get to start now?"
"Alright. Don't try anything just yet; you need to get a feel for your own skill level. Don't make any bets you're not willing to lose. You're going into town alone; I can't afford to be associated with you."
Hidan left, heading for his room so he could deposit his scythe there in an effort to look as normal as possible. Kakuzu sighed. If I wasn't doing this mostly for the fun, this would not be a profitable venture. Do I really expect someone like Hidan to make any decent money? Of course I don't. The best case scenario is that he earns about what he would if he spent his time earning money his usual way through counseling. But I am doing this mostly for fun, and it's been a very profitable venture already.
Hidan
Kakuzu had said not to try anything. Hidan, of course, ended up disobeying that order. And of course, it worked.
He played a couple casual games just to have fun and check his skill level. It was surprisingly good. His second game was at a table near the competitive players so that he could just happen to look over and express interest in the way they were playing and make a completely spontaneous decision to dabble in it himself. He played one game there just to get used to it, making sure to hit balls slightly off center and take two turns to sink a ball instead of one. The other guy won. The other guy, whoever he was, was not a shark. Hidan sensed that he was truly a kind-hearted player welcoming a curious visitor into the pool. He thanked the man sincerely and went on to play with other competitive players, acting emboldened by his first game. It was only half an act, but then again, everything Hidan did was only half an act at most. This shit is easy! I just have to be me in all the right ways and remember Kakuzu's tips, and there I am.
His second game was also not against a shark, and not against someone Hidan felt like trying to scam, so he played for fun again. He continued to make slight errors, appear just a little clumsy like any other non-expert might be. Hit balls with too much force, not enough, that sort of thing. It felt oddly natural. Hidan had a mental vision of a big cat lowering its head and shoulders as it slunk through the grass, never revealing its true terrifying nature until the prey was too close to escape. That was what hiding his skills reminded him of. I'm starting to see why Kakuzu likes this. Money isn't my idea of prey, but I can totally get behind the stalking.
That was what led him to disobey Kakuzu's instructions when he found himself facing a twenty something kid with an overconfident grin on his face. Hidan's first impulse (a true impulse, not an act) was to take offense. "If you're gonna grin at me like that, you'd better fucking back it up," he snarled. The kid flashed him another shit-eating grin and slapped down a twenty. Hidan took extra time to line up all of his shots and pretended that was the reason why they were suddenly much closer to center. He won that twenty. His second impulse (again, a true impulse, not an act) was to flash his own shit-eating grin in victory. He preened as he pocketed his money. The little bastard's eyes lit on fire. Before he could have thought better of it, he slapped down fifty.
Hidan looked at the money. That was a lot for a kid that age to slap down. It was only half an act when he wavered between accepting that bet or telling the kid to keep his cash. "You really want to bet that much?" he asked.
"Why?" the kid asked. "You don't want to give me my money back?"
Hidan's fists clenched. "You little -" He matched the bet. "Fuck you."
The game began. Right away, Hidan noticed that the kid was playing just a touch better than usual. Wait a second. Fuck. He used the same trick on me that that guy used on Kakuzu. No way! Ha! This is what I came here for. I am going to have so much fun demolishing this fucking small-time shark.
He continued to take extra time to line up all his shots. He stared angrily down the length of the cue, pretending to have anger-induced concentration. When the boy sunk a ball ahead of him, he swore and hit the side of the table. He sank every ball in one shot after that, except for one ball that he allowed to bounce off the edge of the hole in order to maintain his cover. He cursed at that one too.
They ended up tied, both trying to sink the 8 ball. Hidan had the first attempt. He grinned a predatory grin like he imagined a jaguar to have. "I'll sink it…there," he declared. Because that's the second hardest shot on this table, and I really do hate this little bastard. The first hardest might blow my cover.
The kid shook his head. "No way."
"Yes way. You do not fucking piss me off. I get concentrated when that shit happens." Hidan began to line up his shot. Huh, this will be kind of tricky… If I hit the cue ball the slightest bit wrong, and then it hits the other ball… I'm not that good at handling balls. The time and concentration he used to line up this shot was not an act. Neither was the deep, steadying breath he took to ease his nerves before striking.
He struck the cue ball slightly to the left of where he'd intended to strike it. At the level of force he was using, that made a difference. The cue ball hit the other ball, and the other ball went a full centimeter off course. He tensed. The 8 ball hit the edge of the hole, right on the very corner of it…and fell in.
Hidan leaped up and threw his arms in the air with a whoop. The kid was stunned. "Fuck you!" Hidan said. "I fucking promised!" He snatched the fifty off the table. "Oh fuck yes. Woo." That was close! Shit! Is it supposed to be that close? Or was that actually perfect for keeping my cover? Who the fuck cares? He shook his whole body to get the tension out and went back to a casual table. Some guy in a Hawaiian shirt, looking like a walking tropical drink commercial or possibly an Adam Sandler character, played him there. To Hidan's surprise, the game wasn't nearly as much fun. He didn't have anything to stalk. No act was required to shrug his shoulders, turn and walk away in complete boredom when he won. He left the pool place and only then realized that was exactly what Kakuzu had advised him to do.
He called Kakuzu to tell him of this exciting adventure. "How'd it go?" Kakuzu asked.
"Go fuck yourself," Hidan said proudly. "I made seventy bucks."
"...You had better not be in hearing range of anyone."
"I already checked," Hidan said. "Nobody else on the sidewalk here."
"Good. Do whatever you want. Just keep the money safe."
"I'm gonna invite Konan to the park and go over that book with her," Hidan said. "Totally safe. Hey Kakuzu?"
"Yes?"
"I understand. It was totally fun to stalk my prey like that. I was bored playing a casual game. It didn't have any thrill in it."
"Hm. Maybe we're both the opposite of what we seem." Before Hidan could ask what he meant by that, Kakuzu hung up.
That was no reason to interrupt a perfectly sound and delightful plan. Hidan called Konan next and invited her to the park.
.
A/N: My immediate impulse was to continue. Some chapters end in such a way that the placement is arbitrary. Which scene ends one chapter and which scene is the start of another depends on nothing more than word count in such cases. And in this case, time. I wrote much of this this morning.
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone who celebrates! And a Happy Super Bowl Sunday! I celebrate neither of these things, but an excuse to throw a party is an excuse to throw a party. Enjoy those parties!
Rar!