A/N: This chapter was written last last minute because I was really inspired to work on the next chapter of Twospirit instead. If it's terrible, that's why.

I have been introduced to the general concept of doing taxes recently, and I slipped on ice three weeks ago. Fun fact: the gluteus maximus is not really involved in walking. It gets a lot more use from lifting, running, squatting, and any other thing where your legs are partially bent. Coincidentally, I learned that just a few days before getting to experience it myself. Running was indeed entirely impossible. I couldn't even try. I knew without trying that it would be impossible.

I promise to put at least a smidgen more effort into next chapter. That's a bar so low a millipede would trip over it, but whatever. Hope this is adequate.

If I ever try to rework this thing into an actual story, so much would get cut. I promised in the first note to try to avoid writing entire passages of absolutely nothing, but I haven't succeeded too well and I only recently have begun to realize this. But that's what fanfiction is for, right? To observe yourself, see what you are prone to, so that when you actually try you know what to look out for. Can't edit without knowing what the problems are.

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Sasori

Sasori's day was filled with paperwork. Lots of paperwork. And the paperwork was filled with minutiae. Lots of little details, very specific, very concrete. He didn't have any time to think of philosophical or existential concerns, and that was the way he liked it.

He and Laurie went over their taxes. "So our records from last time state…"

They took a look at the exterior and interior surfaces of the building. "Can we afford a cleaning service, and do we even need one?"

Someone showed up for a routine inspection of a vehicle, so they took a break to do their regular jobs. Sasori diagnosed the car with a small oil leak, dirty coolant, and a bad axle. It occurred to him while he was elbow deep in the car's guts that if these parts were its guts, then the oil leak was a perforated colon. He was extra super duper careful to make sure that the leak was completely fixed and the coolant was entirely clean after that. What's an axle? The tailbone, maybe? They're both often hit by jarring impacts. Fortunately, an axle wasn't quite so critical to a car's functioning as the tailbone was to a human's. Sasori had slipped on ice and injured his tailbone in the past. He had been surprised to find that he could barely lift a cat and running was entirely impossible. It had inspired him to learn about the mechanics of the human body.

After that little diversion, they went back to doing taxes. "I should have put off taking charge for another couple weeks," Sasori muttered.

"Nuh-uh. Who knows what he does on these things? Did. I mean did."

"Oh dear gods. Excuse me, I need to make phone calls and get documents from the bank. We can't trust a single number on the old forms."

"As of last year, what kind of business was this, anyway?"

It was complicated. Complicated, twisting, seemingly endless, and very detailed. It wouldn't have been so bad if Sasori had had something physical to do to match his thoughts. This was the kind of thinking he liked to do; he just didn't like to do it entirely in his head.

They brought in Ruta to help when he didn't have anything to do. After half an hour his hands had a slight tremor that reminded Sasori of someone who'd had too much coffee and he seemed agitated. He was breathing heavily and kept running his fingers harshly against the edge of the desk. "Maybe you should take an early lunch break," Sasori told him. Ruta nodded and immediately left. Laurie was going around looking for important papers at that time. She came back a few minutes later and asked if something horrible had happened.

"Of course something horrible happened," Sasori told her. "Death and taxes."

"Are you serious about the death part, or…"

"Not yet."

They took another break around midday. Sasori idly checked the group chat. He saw that it contained an existential, philosophical question. No thanks.

When their break was done, Laurie threw up her hands. "I can't figure out what budget he had this place on. I'm going to have to decide how much to allocate for cleaning from scratch."

"Do you honestly think that man had a cleaning budget?" Sasori looked over the tax documents. "I've reconsidered my position. If he was reasonable, which he might have been, he would have claimed everything it was possible to claim. So I think we should look at what was claimed last year and use that as a starting point, deciding if we can still claim it without making things up."

Shockingly, they found few things that were outright fraudulent. "My estimation of his intelligence has been rising," Sasori admitted. "It's not easy to stay on the edge of legal for years." They did, however, find some things that seemed like a real stretch. Sasori decided against claiming them on the basis of better safe than sorry.

That, plus the occasional merciful interruption from someone who needed a vehicle fixed, was his day.

Kisame

Kisame got increasingly jumpy as his day went on. It was normal. Too normal. He wasn't called in a panic by someone alerting him of another demon attack. He didn't question all of his life choices. He was startled to realize he'd drifted for a while on autopilot, not having to think about things too much. That was weird.

When he happened to have a break, he called Itachi. "Itachi, something's up," he said. "I haven't been attacked by a demon or questioned all my life choices. This is weird."

"Be not afraid," Itachi told him. "I'm sure something will come up."

Kisame was actually relieved when Hidan posted his message in the group chat. Now that's business as usual. He thought of possible answers while doing other things.

How to make people stronger. What makes me stronger? He was called away to help repair an exhibit that had been damaged by visiting school children. That took up all of his mental energies for as long as he worked on it. When he was done, he resumed thinking. Being around people like me feels nice. Having a community. I still haven't processed the fact that they're long-lost family. It feels too good to be true.

Kisame opened up the chat. Yahiko had posted his answer: physical exercise. Kisame added another: Make friends with them. Give them a community. He hesitated to hit Send. Such a message might reveal too much about him. He didn't want to make it seem like he needed people. That would be embarrassing. He would also hate it if anyone suspected him of being lonely because of this message. That would also be extremely embarrassing. He eventually did hit Send, after planning to respond to anyone who asked that having a community was nice even if it wasn't necessary and wasn't that what Hidan had asked about?

It occurred to him that coming up with possible retorts to guard against accusations of loneliness was not normal. He left the group chat and messaged his new friend, that guy that Nagato and Yahiko were so close with. Do you think people really can't live without company? Like, in general. Is humanity a social animal?

That's not the right question, Jiraiya responded.

It's not?

Nope! So what if you don't NEED anyone else? Can't you still WANT someone else? I know being a social animal is a lot more fun, haha!

That gave Kisame something to think about. Do I enjoy the company of other people? He had long considered himself an introvert. On further reflection, he decided that was correct. He preferred to have a small number of friends, well known. Among that small number of people, he seemed to have a history of enjoying their company. I think. Don't I get annoyed and angry at half the things we talk about in a group meeting, though? I don't respect the nutcaseiness of the nutcases I'm surrounded by. Do I really enjoy interacting with them?

He messaged Itachi next. Hey Itachi, how do I know if I enjoy other people's company?

Do you find yourself willingly entering their company again and again, without any particular intention or reason to?

This question was very helpful. Kisame concluded that yes, he did that. Therefore, I do somehow enjoy being in the Akatsuki, even though everyone except me, Kakuzu and Sasori is a nutcase. Huh. Is it really because I enjoy being with them? I thought it was because reality was tilted against me.

He asked Itachi, How does the tilt of reality affect this?

Not at all. The gods affect how you feel about things, after all. If reality is tilted, then your own nature is tilted too.

So he enjoyed the company of the people he knew and currently lived with, plus the Hatakes, plus Jiraiya, plus the sharks in the tank. Did that mean he wanted them? Would I feel bad if I didn't have them? Luckily for him, he had just taken a vacation from their company. Unluckily, it didn't provide him with any answers. I really enjoyed hanging out and playing with Samehada. But it was only for one day. Maybe I would have started to miss them if I'd been away longer, if there hadn't been firm plans to meet up again. Crap. I have no idea if I want company or not.

Kisame realized that he was smiling. Heh. This is more like it!

Deidara

"Okay, that confirms it. He has to be half god, yeah. Normal people don't try new schemes for the first time and make 70 bucks, yeah."

"Beginner's luck," Kakuzu grumbled.

"He must be a perpetual beginner, yeah."

Kakuzu snorted. "If it is because of that, I look forward to taking advantage."

"Aren't you worried?"

"No. I got myself sealed against its power. What the hell do I care."

Deidara considered this piece of wisdom. What does he care? It's a god, yeah! Who wouldn't care about a god getting angry at them? Unless… Maybe he doesn't believe it'll get mad at him, yeah. The gods around here are kinda impersonal, yeah. Didn't I meet Jashin sama once? He seemed super unconcerned with everything. No emotion in his voice at all. Kakuzu's right! I couldn't possibly make a god angry. Why am I being so self-centered to think I can do that, yeah?

"Buzz off already," Kakuzu grumbled. "I'm out of interesting stories."

"Well, what else is going on with you, yeah?"

Kakuzu looked at him sideways. "Why do you want to know?"

Deidara sighed. "Because I wanna feel more like a grown up, and Itachi said a way to feel stronger is to have more friends, so now I wanna try making more friends, yeah."

"That's why you ambushed me in my room to ask me how my morning was going."

"Yeah, hm."

Kakuzu stared. And stared. Deidara stared back. Eventually Kakuzu looked away and said, "Come with me."

Deidara gasped when he saw where Kakuzu was taking him. "You're taking me for a drive?"

"It's not a big deal."

"Yes it is, hm! Taking someone for a drive is a big move! Are we that close already?" he teased, elbowing Kakuzu.

"Get in the damn truck."

Deidara got in and buckled his seatbelt. "So, where are we going, yeah?"

"Let's just say I'm in a very Hidan mood."

20 minutes later… "You're taking me to your house?!"

Kakuzu said nothing. He got out of the truck and stood next to Deidara on the meager lawn, looking up at his house. He studied it with his eyes. "Did Hidan ever tell you how we met?"

Deidara was so shocked by the unexpected friendliness that he couldn't remember. It didn't matter. "I don't know. Will you tell me?"

"I was driving out west, where the abandoned houses are. I was probably getting something from a business there, before housing in that area was axed and business along with it. I went a little beyond any place we've ever been. The far western edge of that area. I barely saw him."

Deidara was spellbound. Hidan had come to this town in the exact area where the vampires now lived, that they must have been keeping an eye on even back then? How far did his history with the vampires go? They must know him better than anyone except Kakuzu. And he was vampiric, too. It was like a distant and strange family dynamic.

"He was curled up on the edge of the road, with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head buried in them. You know the posture."

"He was crying?"

Kakuzu tilted his head. "Hmm… I thought so, too. He was shaking. But when I got closer, I saw that he was curled up very tightly. As if he was using every muscle in his body to try to compress himself into a little ball."

Deidara tried to picture it. "So, not the kind of shaking you get from crying. The kind of shaking you get from your muscles when you exercise, yeah?"

"Exactly. It took me a couple of tries to get through to him. When I did, it was like I broke through a shell. He relaxed everywhere all of a sudden. When he looked up at me, his face was clear. I don't know what the hell he was doing, but it wasn't crying."

Kakuzu went silent. Deidara did, too. He's probably trying to think of a way to explain that given what he knows now, yeah.

Kakuzu shook himself and started to walk. He led Deidara into the house. Deidara looked around the living room with wonder. "Woah. There are so many books, yeah. I didn't know you liked to read a lot."

"If by 'a lot' you mean 'often,' I don't. But give it enough time, and you can acquire a decent collection of books you've already read." Kakuzu busied himself dusting off a chair. Deidara looked more closely at the books. They were very dirty. Dust had infiltrated cracks where it could not be easily removed.

"How long has it been since you were here?"

Kakuzu shrugged. "I don't care enough to know."

Deidara continued to look around. The living room was semi enclosed and had no doors to it except the front door. Opposite the front door was a partial wall. To the right, a short hallway led to another room, with the entryway to a third room visible. That third room was probably on the other side of the wall. To the left, a television set with small shelves of discs flanking it took up that whole side of the living room. It was possible to walk past the TV, making a right turn, and sit on the couch in a tiny sitting room that was there seemingly to fill space. Deidara's eyes widened. The small piles of tabletop books he had seen in the living room were tiny next to the stacks in the sitting area. One of those stacks had fallen over some time ago, to judge from the faint dust on the lower edges of their covers.

Kakuzu ignored the fallen stack and sat down on the chair he'd just brushed off. "I'm not a neat freak, and I have no plans to become one."

Deidara looked around, saw no other chair, and sat on the floor. "I think it's nice, yeah."

"Really?"

"I've been to Itachi and Kisame's apartment, yeah. There's nothing there except furniture. It felt like I was in a lab or a habitat or something, not a real place where anyone lived."

Kakuzu looked around. "True."

Deidara studied him. Kakuzu had always seemed so stern, like he cared about nothing and wanted everything to be as little bother as possible. But that could not be true. There had to be something in him to connect to. What did he care about?

"Did Hidan ever come here?"

Kakuzu nodded. "He liked to watch TV. Observe the nature documentaries."

"Got any stories about that, yeah?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes in thought. After a while, he said, "I tried to punish him once. He can't be punished in any of the usual ways, so I changed the channel while he was watching it to a show as far from his usual interests as I could find. It backfired. He loved the new show."

"What show did you change it to?"

"My Little Pony."

Deidara coughed and started to laugh. "Seriously?!"

"He put a bow in his hair afterwards. No, I'm not making this up. I don't have any hair bows, so he used a leftover one from Christmas presents. I let him leave that way. It would have been too much trouble to get out of his hair."

Deidara fell onto his back and kept laughing. "He must have looked ridiculous, yeah!"

"Actually, he pulled it off. That was one of the incidents that made me suspect he wasn't ordinary."

Deidara pictured Hidan with strips of colorful paper fashioned into loops perching on the side of his head. "...Oh my god. He could pull it off."

"How did it take so damn long for the rest of you to suspect anything about him?" Kakuzu asked. "It's plain as day."

"There was a lot of other stuff going on, okay? And it was all just as weird, and some of it was the same kind of thing as he does. Konan somehow convinced Sasori to stay after she stole his laptop, and Hidan never talked to him about that at all. It was not plain as day."

Kakuzu crossed his arms. "Maybe it only seems that way because I had years of memories to remember all at once."

"Oh… Was that affected by the false memories too?"

"Not exactly. He always seemed strange. But I never knew how much until she showed up. I only met with him occasionally before then."

"Huh. Why would that be different? If ninja powers and being a different species seem to make complete sense, why wouldn't being half god?"

"Those things didn't change anything," Kakuzu argued. "It's all appearance. NPCs don't notice the appearance of something, but they'll notice if it has a tangible effect on them. I didn't think Hidan was strange because of his behavior. I got annoyed because he never obeys orders and makes noise and wants to talk to me when all I want is a quiet dinner."

Deidara took a deep breath. "So, I want to get this straight, yeah. You didn't notice that there was anything weird about his ability to not look ridiculous, but you did notice that you couldn't punish him?"

"I've always known he was a slippery little eel."

"And you only realized that being so slippery is weird after the fake memories ended?"

"Exactly."

Deidara was reminded of something else. Something far less whimsical than the conversation so far. "You said something about running away. Did he really do that before?"

Kakuzu nodded. "What do you think happened to put him on the side of that road?" He sighed. "It looks like he ran away because he was rejected. People might actually have run him off."

Deidara shivered. "A little kid?"

"A little inhuman kid," Kakuzu corrected. "Hidan doesn't remember anything before I found him. Could it be that he didn't exist before then? Imagine a little kid going around being creepy as hell 24/7 in a way you can't explain. I'd have run that monstrosity off too."

"He's not a monstrosity, just a part of nature, yeah."

"So are miniscule concentrations of arsenic, but you don't see flourishing oases around wells of that. It's too concentrated."

He's got a point, yeah. Wait...how did we start talking about this? I wanted to make friends with Kakuzu, not talk about problems. "Um… If he'd run away from his parents, from everyone, where did he live? Who looked after him?"

"He did. Until Konan brought us to that hotel, he was homeless. I thought he stole food or hunted; it was good to learn that he earns money. He probably also stole food on top of that. I have no idea where he slept when it rained."

"Probably the same kinds of places where the snake kid sleeps when it rains," Deidara said. "What is up with all the homeless child supernatural beings around here?"

"It's at the point where if a small child in dirty clothes begged me for food, I would give it to them on the assumption that they aren't human," Kakuzu admitted.

"Do you think I could…?"

"What?"

"Uh, something annoying. Nevermind."

"No, go ahead. I'm in an unusually permissible mood."

Deidara looked around and saw no spies. Nonetheless, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "HEY! COME OUT, YEAH!"

"No!"

They looked up and saw the demon boy lying with his arms and legs spread like a starfish on the ceiling. "You don't get to tell me what to do!" the boy snapped petulantly.

"I kinda just did, yeah…?"

"No! I chose to appear." The boy fell off the ceiling and somehow assumed a sitting position before he reached the floor. "I think it's because with these kinds of powers, you have to be born that way, and being born that way doesn't really work. If we had grown forms, we would have the power to make people give homes. But nobody gives homes to creepy kids. And that's fine, because if they did, it would be because of learning to hide and I don't want to hide anything ever!"

"But why aren't there homeless kids who aren't supernatural?" Deidara asked.

"Do you reeeaaaallly go looking for the homeless people where you live?"

"No," Deidara admitted. "So there are homeless normal kids. They just don't wander around freely and make friends with strangers the way you guys can."

"Excuse me," Kakuzu broke in. "Isn't there something unusual about you and your snake friend? You're not really children. You just look like them."

"I used to be grown," the demon boy said. "Before my main body sucked up most of me. And he has to look like a kid. Nothing else would make sense."

"Why not, hm?"

"He doesn't have the grownness to pull it off."

That was all the demon boy said before jumping to his feet. "There's way more interesting stuff that could be happening here! Get back to telling stories!" He vanished in a huff.

"Do you think it's creepy that we're being constantly spied on?" Deidara asked.

"I've gotten used to it."

"Me too, yeah."

"I can't imagine him pulling off an appearance of grownness," Kakuzu said. He got up and began to walk around. "Have you seen the way he acts? Asking for stories. He probably sucks his thumb too."

"I asked for stories," Deidara said, offended.

"You are a child."

"I am not!"

"Do you want to listen patiently to your elders, or not?"

Deidara grit his teeth. "I do."

"Good."

"But do you have to sound so fucking condescending?"

Kakuzu chuckled. Deidara snapped out of his anger instantly. He's laughing. I have never heard Kakuzu laugh before. Did I do that? This had to represent progress. He should keep going.

Kakuzu sat down on the floor across from Deidara with his legs crossed. He placed his hands on his knees. "Have you ever wondered what happened after 9/11?"

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A/N: This chapter contains discussion of things that have been discussed in the past, and I kinda didn't bother to go through previous chapters to see what had been said in the past and if it matched up. Some miniscule plot holes might have been introduced. That's fine.

Whoa.

I just realized something.

I identified becoming a fan of another show as a possible threat to the continuation of this story. But I somehow failed to identify writing a fanfic for another show as becoming involved with that fandom, and therefore a threat. Furthermore, I somehow failed to consider that having any other piece of writing, any at all, which I spent genuine effort on would be a threat as well. Crudkins. I may only be capable of spending genuine effort on one piece at a time. Which means I would need to finish Twospirit before I start writing that book idea I have. But Twospirit's going to be long. Darn. Well, I'm glad I found this out now, at such a relatively young age. It's good to know. As for this story... I shall just have to hope that the rapidly encroaching apathy doesn't become too destructive.

How does one combat apathy?