A/N: Smidgen more thought: accomplished! Woo!

Aside from that, nothing of note to report.

.

General

That evening…

Yahiko got into the car with Nagato, buckled his seatbelt, then checked his phone. He'd been jittery for hours, waiting, wanting, needing to see what other answers there were to Itachi's question. How could he become stronger?

He saw his own answer: physical training. Kisame's answer made him sigh. Finding a community was what he needed to be stronger for. Other answers had appeared, too. Nagato had said, Pay attention to yourself. Notice things, patterns. Study and understand yourself. Deidara and Kakuzu, at the exact same minute (Yahiko couldn't help but notice this because it was odd), posted their own advice. I second Kisame, yeah. Make friends. Then, Try new things. Yahiko smiled as he read that. Kakuzu didn't seem like he tried new things very often. Was he also making a change in his life? It was good to know that even someone as sturdy as Kakuzu could be uncertain sometimes.

"Checking the group chat?" Nagato asked as they pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.

"Yeah. I'm looking for ideas."

"Have you noticed anything about yourself lately?"

"Well…" Have I? I can't think of anything I've noticed in the last several days or so. Well… "I make things too complicated. Or, I try to. I think they are complicated, but they actually aren't. Um… Something like that."

"I think I know what you mean, but I couldn't put it into words either," Nagato said.

"Really?"

There was a pause. Nagato said, "I'm not pointing out a problem or anything like that. I'm just curious. Why are you so surprised when I can't do something?"

"W-what do you mean? You do things. You make sense out of everything. That's what you do."

Nagato chuckled. "You make it sound like I'm a demigod or something. I'm just a normal guy, you know. I'm not perfect."

But you're so normal. You're THE normal guy. And I'm not. "Yeah, but…"

"I'm not some kind of idol or anything. I have faults too."

"Yeah, but not…mine."

Silence.

When they returned home, after parking the car and getting out, Nagato spoke. "I don't think that's true. If we didn't have any faults in common, we would be perfect for each other. But we're not. We have problems too, things that neither of us noticed."

Yahiko rubbed the side of his forehead with one hand. It's so hard to believe that. I want to think he balances me. But isn't he right? Neither of us was able to talk about hard personal things. That's something we have in common. Is there more? "Sorry."

"Don't be." Nagato took his hand. "Hey, I just got an idea. If anyone knows our dynamic, it's Konan. She'll see what we have in common."

They found Hidan in the backyard. He was jumping up and down on the stone platform and getting increasingly frustrated. Nagato stifled a laugh. "Hey, do you know where Konan is?"

"No," Hidan snapped. "I'm just an Air Clone. But if I'm made of fucking air, and chakra, why can't I fly?!" He jumped off the platform and landed on the ground exactly like a normal flesh and blood person. "Fuck!"

"Where's your original?"

"Probably still in his room trying to make clones more solid than me." The air clone pinched himself. "But I'm already way too fucking solid if you ask me."

"Can you use jutsu of your own?" Nagato asked.

The clone blinked. "I dunno."

Nagato demonstrated the hand signs for Transformation Jutsu. "Give this a shot. Imagine yourself as a bird."

"I would be one handsome bird," the clone preened as he performed the hand signs. "Alright!" There was a puff of smoke. When it dispersed, the clone was gone.

"Oh," Yahiko said sadly. "I guess he wasn't solid enough to take that much manipulation of his chakra."

"I did my best," Nagato muttered. "Poor clone."

"I'm not supposed to feel this bad, right? He was just a clone?"

"It's really hard not to feel bad for a clone when we're clones too."

They turned away and went to find the real Hidan. The moral dilemmas associated with using clones could wait. Even so, Yahiko couldn't help but look back and whisper, "Sorry," as they went through the back door into the building.

They found Hidan sitting crosslegged on his bed in a state of intense concentration. His eyes were closed and his head bowed, nearly touching his chest. His hands gripped his knees. As they watched, a clone appeared at the foot of the bed. Judging from the swirl of air that accompanied it, it was another Air Clone. Nagato waved at the Air Clone and beckoned for it to follow them. The clone grinned and followed them out the door.

Yahiko shut the door and they all moved a few doors down. "Do you know where Konan is?" Nagato asked.

"We're trying to make clones that can do chores, so since I'm sucking at that so far, she's probably doing the chores herself." The clone sighed. "Shit."

"If you feel bad, why don't you help her the old fashioned way for now?" Yahiko asked. Wait, why am I talking as if he's the original Hidan? But he did it first. I'll just do whatever feels right. No need to make anything complicated.

"Yeah, probably should," the clone agreed. "Lemme go tell Other Me."

Meanwhile, Nagato and Yahiko found Konan and Itachi vacuuming all the rooms. Itachi was using his Sharingan to spot anything metallic or pointy that should not be vacuumed, and Konan was learning how to operate the device. She already was as proficient with it as the typical person needed to be. "Are you entirely sure using this device is wise?" she asked Itachi.

"Why?" Yahiko asked. "Can vacuums be dangerous?"

"Can't you smell the dust this device is spraying into the air?"

Now that she mentioned it, he could. "It's just dust. And it's less dust than it's sucking up."

"If enemy agents had already infiltrated this room and placed a contact poison in the carpet, this device would distribute that poison very efficiently."

Everyone other than her took a closer look at the carpet. It was sinister all of a sudden. Nobody had ever considered that carpets could have such deadly potential.

"We would only have to worry about that from hostile human beings," Itachi said. "Until those appear, I believe it is safe to use commercial appliances."

Konan finished vacuuming the carpet. "Had none of you considered the combat potential of the items you use every day?" she asked lightly as she unplugged the vacuum and carried it to the next room.

"No? Why would we?"

Nagato looked at him strangely. "Um, Yahiko, have you never thought about what you would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Yahiko shivered. "No! Zombies are scary."

"I have given this some thought, and I've come to the conclusion that the most useful kitchen knife to grab if you need to defend yourself in the kitchen is the carving knife," Nagato said. "It is smooth and capable of sliding back out of the enemy if you need to stab them again. Chairs are useful bludgeons if you have an upstairs window to drop them from, but should not be wielded in person. Couches could be propped up as an emergency trap if you're under siege. Lamps probably do not make good weapons, since they are fragile and there's no good place to grab them by and yanking the cord out of the wall in a weird way could cause an electrical problem. Vacuums are out of the question. Too noisy. The last thing you want to do in a zombie apocalypse is let them know where you are."

"Ah," Konan said. "It is good to know that the people of this world do prepare for battle after all, even in these little ways."

"If zombie apocalypse preparations were taken more seriously than they are now, would they be valuable in the case of a genuine attack?" Itachi wondered.

"Probably," Nagato said. "Wait. Wait. This isn't what we came here to talk about."

"What did you wish to talk about?"

Konan gave no sign of stopping her work, so Yahiko guessed that they were going to have this conversation in motion. "What faults do Nagato and I have in common?" he asked. It's actually nice this way. It feels more casual than a sit-down conversation. If I ever tried to show anyone my female form, would it help if they were standing and doing other things?

"Many of them," Konan answered. Indeed, her answer sounded so much lighter than it would have otherwise. "Both of you are good hearted and ready to change the world. This leaves you vulnerable to being misled and making decisions in haste that turn out to be unwise. You both have a tendency towards keeping secrets." She turned off the vacuum and paused. "Once either of you has decided something, you do not let it go easily. This can turn a small misjudgment into something far worse…especially when you have made a decision about another person." She gave them a look that sent both of their stomachs plunging into their guts. It wasn't hostile or judgmental. It merely reinforced her words in such a way as to convince them both that she was absolutely right. Have I made a wrong decision about him? they both wondered.

Itachi picked up a small plastic bead and a loose staple. "Everyone under this roof is odd and perplexing in ways even they do not know yet. It should not be presumed that you understand anyone. Even your closest friend."

Hidan came in at that moment, offering to help with chores. Konan told him what else she had seen that needed to be done. Nagato and Yahiko slipped out the door silently in the middle of it. "It's so hard to remember that," they both said at the same time.

Nagato recovered first. "I know you have your own problems. People have told me. But still, you seem so carefree. What would you have to worry about? You're so…normal."

"No I'm not. You're normal."

Nagato blinked. "No, I'm not."

They stared at each other.

"But you said you were in the car just now."

"I was using that to mean the opposite of not having any problems. I wasn't actually saying that I…fit in."

"But…" Yahiko felt tears spring to his eyes. "But you do fit in. You don't have anything unusual about you at all. You can hang out with people just like anyone else. Not like me."

"What are you talking about?" Nagato asked. "Yeah, you have an outstanding personality. But everyone does in their own way. You don't get along with people any worse because you're kind, and open about your feelings, and hopeful."

Yahiko's face grew hot. "That's not…"

Nagato looked down. "Is this because sometimes people do make fun of you for those things? That's their problem, not yours. Anyone who would tease you for being a man with a fashion sense has to go through me first. They're just being rude jerks."

Yahiko's face grew hotter. He worried about combusting. "Kind of," he whispered. "You can't stand in the way of all of it. I see it everywhere. What kind of man picks out the furniture? It's weird. That's what everyone says."

Nagato grabbed his shoulders. "It's not true."

"It's like, 'He must be gay.' That's what everyone says."

Nagato froze.

Yahiko didn't notice. "Either that, or, the women have brainwashed him or something. You can't be a real man if you like doing those things. There has to be some other condition to explain it. I guess I can't help but feel like I have to explain why I am the way I am. But I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know how to stop trying to explain it."

Nagato blinked. "...Did you just say that gay men aren't real men?"

Yahiko shrugged. "They're not seen that way. The jokes about 'maybe he's gay' and the jokes about 'he's secretly a woman' are pretty interchangeable. Either way, you have to be strange to like flowers."

Nagato let out his breath. "Yeah. Strange."

Yahiko reached up to his own shoulder and held Nagato's hand. "Thanks."

"You don't have to explain anything," Nagato said. "Not to me."

"But I can't stop trying to explain it to myself."

Nagato had no answer for that. He gave Yahiko a hug. "Not to me."

Yahiko hugged him back. Maybe it's okay that Hidan stopped me. I can wait, right? I don't have to be ready to admit I have a girl form right now. Nagato'll be right here, nice and safe, whenever I want to show it to him. A great weight lifted off his shoulders. The idea that he didn't actually have to be ready to admit anything was foreign, but pleasant. Yahiko let himself tentatively flirt with the idea that he wasn't doing anything wrong by not mustering his courage instantly.

"Yahiko?" Nagato whispered.

"Yeah?"

"...You are one of the most manlike men I've ever seen. You definitely are one. A gay guy would not pass you over for being too much like a girl."

Yahiko's heart clenched. He imagined a man flirting with him, and instantly imagined himself in female form too. No, that's not right. Gay men only like other men. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not untangle the idea of a man being interested in him from the idea of him being a girl. "I'm really not comfortable with that," he said. "I really, really wouldn't like it if a guy was interested in me."

Nagato tried not to deflate too much. "Why?"

"They're seen as interchangeable," Yahiko muttered. He released the hug and stepped back. "I know you were trying to say I'm very manly, but it makes me feel the exact opposite. I'm sorry, it's not - it wasn't a bad compliment, and I know it was a compliment, I just… I'm sorry. I'm making too big a deal out of it."

"No, that's fine," Nagato muttered. "You're allowed to be uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

.

Kakuzu noticed that all the rugs had been vacuumed. He overheard gossip about who had done it. When he next happened to see Konan, he nodded at her. "Nice job."

She tilted her head. "Someone appears to be in a good mood."

Kakuzu shrugged. He couldn't have explained it himself. But if he could have, if it hadn't been far too personal to ever reveal, he would have said that it was good to tell the stories of his life to someone who cared enough to listen.

"Hidan so far has only managed to produce more complex Air Clones," Konan said. "However, he reports a growing feeling of understanding his own chakra, a sense that there is some advance he is on the edge of making. This may yet be a fruitful avenue of exploration."

"Good."

Konan nodded and went back to preparing dinner. Her sleeves were tied back and the look on her face was oddly gentle. She wielded the knife as anyone else would, slicing up a pepper in a way that Kakuzu would also have described as gentle, even though he didn't understand how that word could apply to slicing through something. He said, "Someone appears to be in a good mood."

"Progress has been made towards allying with myself."

Kakuzu leaned against a counter. "What are you going to do about not having an enemy?"

"What do you mean?"

"You work better with an enemy to fight, and in that state you love fighting. Without an enemy, what will you do?"

Konan gathered her ingredients in small bowls silently. "Unknown."

Kakuzu shrugged. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

For reasons unknown, he stayed in the kitchen and began to help her with dinner preparations. He did not catch her flicking glances at him, but nonetheless knew that she was. It was unusual for him to be so friendly. Why don't I feel grumpy today? My day started off with my plan succeeding and an annoying brat asking me to tell him my life story. That's nice, but I fail to see how that means I should greet the universe with sunshine and rainbows.

"Hey, Kakuzu! Whatcha doing?"

Kakuzu steeled himself against teasing. "Making dinner."

"Awesome!" Hidan turned to Konan. "Hey, I got some results back for that blood test I got."

"What do they say?"

"I do not appear to have any bloodborne diseases, but I do have a ridiculous amount of iron in my blood. They were concerned. I still have to wait to find out if anything else is up. And fuck, I haven't gotten that spit test yet!"

Itachi appeared behind Hidan. He was walking slowly and looking at his phone. "According to Google, iron does not have antibacterial properties, so it is unlikely that that is the source of his resistance to disease. However…" He continued to type questions and look through the results.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu shared the highlights of his time with Deidara. "He greatly enjoyed the story about the time I switched the channel to My Little Pony and you walked out of my house with a present bow on your head."

"Have I ever thanked you for that?" Hidan asked. "Nevermind, I don't care. Can I give you a hug anyway?"

Konan openly gave him a suspicious look when Kakuzu allowed it. He narrowed his eyes. When Hidan released him, Kakuzu growled, "Can you explain why I've been so fucking friendly all day?"

Hidan took a close look at him. "Hmm… Nope!"

"Right."

"Kisame has uncharacteristically not questioned his life choices today," Itachi said. "It says here that iron surfaces can release ions, creating chemical reactions that stress living cells. Even if this does not kill bacteria when they land on surfaces made of iron, it may be possible that large concentrations of free-floating iron in solution would discourage any living cell not specially adapted to it. Did the results mention whether the excess iron in your blood is chemically bound?"

"I have no fucking clue how blood tests work and whether they can even tell that kind of shit."

"Neither do I, and I sense that it would look very odd if I were to search for that." Itachi looked thoughtful. Then he began to type.

"Hmm. So Kisame and I have both been uncharacteristically relaxed today." Kakuzu took out his phone and called Sasori. "Have you been unusually relaxed today?"

"No." Even over the phone, Sasori's voice had taken on a low, threatening, and vaguely disappointed tone. You should know this, it said. Don't ask me such a stupid question ever again, it said.

"Kisame and I both have been, so I wanted to know."

He could hear Sasori take a deep breath. "Sorry. I've spent today doing the least relaxing things I can imagine."

"Dying or doing taxes?"

"The second."

"My condolences."

"If anybody complains about you being relaxed, they're an idiot," Sasori said. "Don't try to figure it out and make yourself all tense again. Let it happen. I would kill to be in your position right now."

He's right. Isn't relaxing exactly what I've had to learn to do? "Good advice. And good luck." Kakuzu hung up. "Sasori has not been unusually relaxed today."

"Interesting," Itachi said. "There are several kinds of blood tests that can measure iron levels. However, the most likely test to detect free-floating iron is commonly run as is its own separate test, requiring fasting beforehand. A typical blood draw only looks at blood cell count, hemoglobin levels, and other blood components."

"I didn't get a typical draw," Hidan said. "I specifically asked to check for bloodborne diseases and any other unusual shit they happened to find that might possibly explain why I don't have any if they found that I didn't have any."

Itachi shrugged. "Perhaps someone took your instructions to heart and ran a serum test even though you had not fasted. Or perhaps the high iron levels reported in your results are measuring high levels of hemoglobin, which is a chemically bound form of iron contained within a cell, so I would not expect it to have anything to do with disease resistance."

Hidan frowned. "I gotta ask what test was done. It's not good when patients don't know this basic stuff."

"Perhaps it is coincidence," Itachi said.

Kakuzu and Konan stared at him in confusion, wondering how test results could be coincidence. Hidan nodded. "Yeah, probably. Some good shit happened to Kakuzu this morning. I'm sure tomorrow he'll be back to his usual grumpy self. And hey, maybe Shark Guy's finally learning to relax."

"We would need further data to be sure."

Konan smiled. "I am glad you two are getting along so well. Now, it would be ideal if there were fewer distractions. I have reached the stage of the cooking process where I must operate sources of intense heat."

"In other words, fuck off," Kakuzu translated.

Hidan whispered something in Itachi's ear. Itachi looked skeptical. They left the kitchen to discuss whatever it was among themselves.

Kakuzu leaned back against a counter and took a deep breath. "Sasori also advised me not to make myself tense over it. I should be glad to have an easy, relaxed day. He's not wrong."

As the pan heated to the appropriate temperature, Konan started to add ingredients. "I agree. Relaxation is important, and unfortunately rare."

"Hmm… Perhaps we should do something to make it easier to relax around here, then." There is nothing to do in this building except talk to people or use whatever devices and knickknacks you thought to provide for yourself. We don't have a relaxation area. Maybe we should make one. That, of course, was too great a task for Kakuzu even in this state. He would need to enlist the help of people with experience at relaxing. He left the kitchen to track down Hidan and Itachi.

Hidan was pulling Deidara by the arm, leading him to the basement. "Why there, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Because it messes with your head. You can't think too much when your head is being messed with. And the whole point of Sunshine's idea was to feel stronger. Thinking less would help, right?"

Deidara looked down the stairs and swallowed. "I guess so, yeah."

"Cool. Wait right here and I'll get Sunshine." Hidan shot Kakuzu a glare. Itachi was nowhere in sight. Uh oh. What are they planning? Kakuzu almost felt bad for Deidara. Almost. It would depend on what they did to him.

Deidara waved. They chatted about something Kakuzu had told him earlier. Kakuzu refrained from giving him the slightest hint that anything unusual was afoot. Itachi strolled up just as Hidan came back with Yahiko. Kakuzu took him away to talk as if it was any normal conversation.

"What are you two planning for Deidara?" he asked when they were out of earshot.

"As soon as Deidara opens his door tonight, every stuffed animal and clay spider he owns will fall on his head."

"Are you sure that'll work? In order to do that, the door has to be partly open. I don't imagine he's in the habit of leaving his door partly open. He'll notice."

"Yes, I was skeptical too. Not to mention that they would block the light that should be coming from above the door. Any competent ninja would notice unusual light patterns, even subconsciously. However, even if he does discover the setup, it should provoke about the same reaction."

"Nice."

"What did you want me for?"

"We need a relaxation station."

Itachi immediately changed course for the unused room that was the sunroom's counterpart. He looked around. "This room needs multiple rounds of vacuuming," he declared. "When it is clean, it will be ideal." He sat on the couch. "I pronounce this couch comfortable." He checked the walls. "There is a power outlet in a suitable location. And another power outlet here, for lighting." The room had an overhead light, but it was white. Lamplight would be an improvement. "Yes, this room will work. Now I need to decide what kind of device should go here."

"A TV?" Kakuzu guessed.

"No, I was thinking of games."

"A video game station? I'll go check on dinner then. My presence here is not useful."

Kakuzu left. Itachi sat on the couch and closed his eyes. I must determine what is wanted, what is needed. What will help with our overarching goals, what will harm. What fits with our lifestyle, what would disrupt and distract. My choice must be perfect. It must achieve unity with our dreams and hopes. It must become a part of the ninja life.

After a period of intense thought, he decided on a Wii.

.

A/N: I know literally nothing about Wiis except that they tend to have racing games and games that require physical activity, and can be played jointly if you wish. Perfect!

Dear god absolutely nothing happened this chapter. *sigh* At least Twospirit's progressing very nicely.