A/N: About time! Man, Samehada's actually really useful. Go sharky!

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Nagato

Nagato paced back and forth across his room. The blend of emotions whirling through him was almost too much to name. Anger at the nameless and faceless people who had spread the messaging that made Yahiko afraid to be who he was, rage at those same people for interfering with his love life, despair that Yahiko would never feel the same way back, fear that any attempt to reveal his true feelings would scare Yahiko away for good, and many more. I can't stay in this small room. I'll go crazy. So Nagato stopped pacing and did his best to swallow that whole maelstrom down, down, where nobody could see it. He left his room looking reasonably normal. But inside, his situation had only gotten worse. The very act of hiding himself away had added new flavors of anger and despair to the maelstrom. He wondered if this storm, now that it had started, would ever go away.

He asked Konan when dinner would be done. "Soon," she told him. Whatever it was sat on the stove cooling. It already made his stomach growl.

"There's going to be a meeting tonight, isn't there?" he asked.

"Of course." Konan looked up. "Excuse me. I must determine if the weather will be suitable."

Nagato was left alone in the kitchen with nothing and nobody to distract him. He developed a sudden urge to cry. No, no. He took out his phone and looked at the group chat. The meeting would surely be about that, so he'd better think about the question some more.

He gave it his best try. He really did. But in the end, he lowered his phone and turned it off. Making people stronger? I'm not sure that's possible. I'm not sure that's the magic solution. Sometimes people are just weak, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. His vision grew blurry and hot. There's nothing anyone can do to make him feel the same way, and there's nothing I can do to stop myself from hurting. I'm not as important to him as I want to be. How can that not hurt?

The doors to the kitchen squeaked as they closed. That was how Nagato realized Itachi was there. Like a shadow he had slipped into the room silently, without drawing attention. Nagato reflexively boxed up the maelstrom again even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. "Itachi. Um…were you looking for Konan?"

"Yes," Itachi replied. "I have decided to set up a room where people can play video games to relax. I wanted to know what she thought."

"She's outside, checking if the weather's good for meeting around the fire like we usually do."

"I will mention it at the meeting. Everyone deserves to know." Itachi looked back at the closed doors. "But for now…"

Nagato waited for him to say more, but he did not. Reluctantly, carefully, he unboxed the maelstrom again. "You know, don't you? About me. About Yahiko."

Itachi moved next to him. In a quiet voice, he said, "It has always been obvious to me how you care about him, even before I learned to use the Sharingan."

"But he doesn't feel the same way," Nagato said. "And… That hurts."

Itachi said nothing. Briefly, Nagato was angry at him. What am I expecting? Commiseration? He doesn't have the same problem, so that wouldn't help. I would still feel just as alone as I do now. He sighed. "It hurts so much." Itachi still said nothing. Nagato finally huffed and asked, "Are you going to say anything?"

"My first instinct is most likely inappropriate," Itachi replied. "I am trying to think of a more appropriate one."

"I don't care. Tell me what you honestly think."

"Why?"

Nagato hesitated. Because I asked?

"Why does it hurt?"

Nagato stared. Was he serious? Itachi appeared to be serious. How could he be seriously asking that? Wasn't it obvious why… But no. It was not obvious. Nagato could not immediately give him an answer. He turned away and looked at the floor, devoting his whole mind to answering this question. It hurts because… Because I'm spending more emotional energy than I'm getting. Because that's not fair. Because my need to be loved isn't being met. Because I'm not getting what I want. Because I can't be unhappy about that. Somehow, none of these answers felt quite right.

"Because," he said aloud, hoping the pressure of having to give an actual answer would force the truth from his mouth. "Because…"

Itachi asked another question. "Why does it hurt that something in the world is not set up in your favor? It can be painful to not get what you want. But most people make peace with the universe after a few years. Why do you still hurt after decades?"

Nagato closed his eyes and sobbed. "Because… Because…"

Itachi nudged his hand.

"Because I still hope that it could happen," Nagato said. What? He opened his mouth to backpedal. But no. This answer, unlike the others, felt right. What?! But he's straight. Of course he'll never feel that way about me. He's straight. I know he is. I would never expect him to suddenly think I'm hot. That doesn't make sense!

"You think he could fall in love with you yet?"

"No. He's straight. He can't feel that way about me." Nagato shook his head. "There's no way we can be together."

"Hmm." Itachi, too, stared at the floor. What was he thinking about? Nagato waited for a full minute. After a full minute, Itachi seemed to be as deep in thought as ever.

Nagato nudged his hand. "Itachi? What are you thinking?"

Itachi raised one finger. "I am deciding…" He tilted his head several different ways. "That you are correct. It is harmful to hold out hope for a possibility that you would be better off accepting as impossible."

"How do I do that?"

"Imagine a life for yourself that does not have a void in it where he could be."

Nagato's heart skipped a beat. He knew exactly what that life would look like. Oh god. He turned away from Itachi to hide his bright red face. "I'll get right on it."

"I did wonder what to tell you there," Itachi said. "Should I give advice, or just tell you that you've already started on it and let you figure it out yourself? I have given advice to people who turned out not to want it in the past."

"I specifically asked you what I should do," Nagato told him. "I'm guessing those times in the past didn't start with the other party asking for advice."

"They did not," Itachi said, surprised. "It just seemed to me that their methods were so inefficient, so likely to fail, that they must need my help. But you are right. You asked. That might make all the difference."

"If anyone asks, give it to them," Nagato said.

"I will do that. Thank you."

Nagato stood up. "Thank you, Itachi. I know what I need to do now. I'll make for myself a more complete life. I know exactly how to do it. I'll…" He broke off. "Do nothing right now. Because there's a meeting about to start, and it's a bad time."

"You can't surrender your own interests in the service of others forever."

Nagato's shoulders slumped. This again… It'll never be a good time, will it? It's always too early, then things are happening, then I've got stuff to do, then he's got stuff to do, then it's too late. The maelstrom swept over him again. This time it was mainly angry. Angry at himself for never taking a chance, angry at the universe for never giving him a chance, angry at whatever ineffable constellation of factors met to prevent him from being able to do the things he wanted to do.

Itachi gave him a hug. "Do not fear."

"I'm not afraid." Nagato sighed. "I'm just disappointed."

General

Konan's ninja instincts told her the weather was risky. The meeting was held in the sunroom, instead. A decent amount of time was put aside to allow everyone to eat first. Then Deidara asked, "How'd you come up with that question, yeah?"

"Some guy in her world tried to do some crazy shit to it," Hidan said, pointing to Konan. "He tried to make it so that nobody would ever die and people could be happy forever and some crap like that. I called bullshit on that, and started talking about how making people all privileged in our world hasn't worked out, and then we started thinking of changes that would actually do some good. That idea's all I was able to come up with. Anything else sounded too…extreme."

"Some kind of religious fanatic?" Kisame asked with a shudder.

"No, worse," Hidan replied. "He was grieving. And instead of getting over it like you're supposed to, he tried to use magic to bring them back."

"Who was this guy?" Yahiko asked. He, like Deidara, had his cloak on the floor behind him for when his metabolism inevitably slowed and he felt cold. They currently wore the t-shirts they'd been exercising in. His unusual smell was attracting Samehada's attention, causing the shark to sit on his lap and lick at him.

They all looked at Konan. She sipped her tea. "Nobody I wish to discuss."

Hidan shrugged. "Poor guy."

"You feel bad for a maniac that tried to turn the entire world into a sunshine-and-rainbows hell?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"He wasn't able to grieve properly. I'm allowed to feel bad when that happens."

"If he had been stronger, he might have been able to handle it?" Yahiko asked.

"Yeah," Hidan said firmly. "If he'd had more of a support system, a stronger one, a feeling like he was strong and could handle things… There's no way this would've happened."

"Because that doesn't happen when you're healthy," Nagato murmured. He stared blankly at the carpet, obviously thinking aloud. "When you're healthy and things are the way they should be, you don't feel like you can't live without someone else. You don't feel like the only way to continue to exist is if they're there. A healthy person wouldn't be so desperate to keep someone they lost alive, even if it was only fantasy or pretend."

Now everybody looked at him. Yahiko flushed. "Are you talking about…?"

Nagato twitched. "No. It's not my business." He shook his head. "So, what happened to this guy? Did he change his mind? Was he killed?"

Konan took another sip of her tea. "I do not know."

"How can you not know something that important, yeah?"

Sasori elbowed Deidara, but it was too late. It wasn't hard to figure out why she wouldn't know that. Horrified silence descended.

Kakuzu sighed. "I understand now why you didn't want to talk about your world."

Yahiko held out his arms. "Oh no. I'm so sorry." Konan nodded, so he hugged her. Hidan hugged her from her other side. Nagato held one of her hands. Samehada licked her face. Everyone offered condolences, even Kisame and Sasori. What must it be like to be completely helpless? All she could do was hope and pray that somebody else stopped him. This situation struck them as terrible, even though hoping and praying that somebody else would do something was entirely normal and had been a regular part of their lives.

Sasori was the first to realize that. "Wait a second," he muttered. But others were still offering their condolences, so nobody heard him. He decided to stay quiet.

Konan shrugged, forcing Hidan and Yahiko to release her. "Thank you," she said. Her voice was normal. There was no sign whatsoever of the grief that must be hidden underneath.

There was silence for a while. Everybody finished their food. Then, when others began to look around, Sasori guessed that it was the right time. "Ahem. Has anyone else realized what a big change this is?"

"Yeah," Deidara said. He began to smile. "We all understand where she's coming from now! And support her, and she actually let us this time! Awesome!"

"True. But that's not what I was talking about." Sasori held up his phone. "What is the first thing a person says when they read the news?"

"Ugh." Kisame disliked talking about the news. He avoided ever consuming it in order to preserve his sanity. "Something about how they can't believe all this crap is happening, the world gets worse every day, etcetera."

"In a helpless tone of voice, right?" Sasori pressed. "Because nobody reading the news is going to actually do anything."

"Yes…"

"So isn't it remarkable that we felt bad for her just now?" Sasori asked. "A few weeks ago, I would have said, 'Welcome to the club.' Not being able to do anything about disaster is normal here. It's so normal you don't even realize it is a thing. But now we're acting like we expect to be able to change things."

Oh. He's right. Everyone immediately understood what Sasori was saying. Everyone except for Samehada, who made a questioning noise. What disaster? There hadn't been any disaster before the person who wanted to make death not happen was mentioned.

Kisame lunged forward, picked up his shark and hugged Samehada tightly. "Goddammit your innocence is wonderful. Do not ever read or listen to the news, Same. And if you do, don't understand it. Please."

"Do you remember that talk we had once about how human beings like to make ourselves angry or defensive as a way of protecting ourselves against imagined future feelings of regret?" Sasori said. "Well, when you get into the habit of doing that, happiness starts to be scary. Thinking that the world is honestly a good place starts to feel dangerous. You look for things that are wrong with the world in order to feel safe. But when large groups of people look for things that are wrong, they tend to create them, which leads to everybody having a very good reason to think the world is heading towards disaster, and it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Samehada made a very high pitched noise. What?! So humans constantly felt bad and powerless because of disaster, but the disaster was imaginary, and it was imagined in order to keep them from feeling bad and powerless, but then the disaster became real somehow? What? They weren't talking about the actual world that Samehada slithered across and tasted with his own tongue, were they? It was some other world. Samehada whimpered. Human Cousin was right. He did not want to be brought to that other world. It sounded like a bad place.

"What?" Nagato asked. "When did you talk about that?"

"You aren't the only people that can have conspiracies," Sasori replied.

Everyone else looked at him, Kisame, and Kakuzu with assessing looks. Yes, it was known that they constituted their own separate faction. But it had always seemed as if they were the less powerful faction, possessing only the power to split off and no other. Secret conversations? That changed things. What else are they secretly doing?

"'Future feelings of regret'?" Yahiko asked. "What does that mean?"

Sasori took a moment to put his thoughts together. "I explained to Samehada that we humans don't live only in the present. We live in the present and the future at the same time. So to us, the idea that we would regret not having foreseen danger back when it was preventable is just as real as if we actually regretted things now. That's why we make ourselves worry. If we didn't, we might regret that in the future, and regret feels bad. So we look for danger now to eliminate that possibility."

A moment was taken to digest this. In a surprisingly short amount of time, Hidan burst out laughing. "Haha! So that's why Kakuzu's been all nice today! He finally trusts us enough to assume that nothing bad's gonna happen." Hidan looked directly at Kakuzu and nodded once. "I am honored. You won't be wrong."

Kisame blinked. He hadn't thought about Sasori's revelation since the night it happened. Could it explain his own recent behavior? I can't assume anything anymore. I gave up certainty when I decided to trust Jashin sama. If Sasori's right, that means I can't be anxious or defensive either. Was giving up the ability to predict the future what I needed to stop being paranoid the whole time?

"Hidan's right," Yahiko said. "You won't be wrong. We can be trusted."

"Following this logic, what would happen if someone assumed the future would be filled with positive feelings?" Nagato asked. "If thinking of the future makes you feel good, you'll be more excited about it, surely. You'd make plans and maybe take some risks that you wouldn't otherwise."

"I have heard that it is a bad idea to publicize improvements that you plan to make before you make them," Itachi said. "The positive feedback you receive will make you feel as good as if it happened, which removes your motivation to make it happen in reality. Why make that effort when a fantasy will do?"

"But…" Nagato's brow wrinkled. "No, that's not what happens. The better you feel, the more you want. Getting a taste of success through imagining it should make you more motivated, not less."

"Some people are more easily satisfied than others. Wanting more and more would be a sign of a highly ambitious personality. Many people are not like that."

Konan's eyes darted around. "Imagining the future, then, is a tool that can be deployed to control one's own amount and target of motivation. Assuming you understand yourself enough to deploy it properly, that is." Do I have an ambitious personality? If so, I could selectively imagine certain kinds of success in order to increase my motivation. Imagining success could help me overcome the times when I feel hopeless. Let's see. If I imagined something good happening, would that satisfy me? Her chakra flared. The answer was a resounding No. Excellent.

Others in the room did the same. Could they use this method to motivate themselves? Nagato and Yahiko, who had already tried envisioning the future, concluded No. Envisioning the future only made Nagato feel like he was starving. Without a method to locate what he needed and feast, that did him no good. Yahiko could not envision the future at all. His imagination could not show him what would happen if he showed his female form to others. It was a broken tape.

Deidara, however, thought it would be very useful, as did Kakuzu. Now that Kakuzu understood why the hell his behavior had changed, he was less concerned. He only had to gain control over it, and then everything would be perfect.

"Why the fuckity fuck didn't you say any fucking thing before?!" Hidan snarled at Sasori.

"Honestly, it didn't occur to me that anyone needed to know until just now."

"Of course we fucking need to know! Shit! What, did you asshats think you were the only ones who have problems with being defensive and worried about shit?"

"Are you saying we're not?" Kisame asked. By now Samehada understood that something very important was happening. He sat motionless in Kisame's lap and devoted all the thinking power he could muster to understanding what it was. "I didn't see anyone else having the slightest issue with running off to play ninja."

"Maybe not that," Nagato retorted. "But, you know, other things."

"That is a very one-sided view of people," Itachi said.

"Yeah, hm," Deidara said. "What do you think we are, yeah? Brainless empty-heads?"

"This conversation happened a long time ago when I didn't know any of you as well as I do now," Sasori explained. "I now understand that that was a stupid assumption."

Hidan sniffed. "Well, go fuck yourself anyway."

Yahiko put on his cloak. It had finally been long enough for him to get goosebumps on his arms. "What about...if it doesn't happen?"

"What doesn't?"

"Imagining. What if you can't imagine anything?"

Nagato tilted his head. "People with aphantasia might have a lot less to worry about. Less to be thrilled about, too. Maybe the future isn't as important to them."

Yahiko muttered under his breath, "That's not exactly what I was…"

"Failure of imagination could have many causes," Itachi said. "What if you expected the future to be so bad that those feelings could harm you now? Blocking off the future, repressing those feelings, could be a coping mechanism. A more advanced form of repression or denial."

Yahiko took the cloak off. What does he know? Itachi had answered the question he had not really been brave enough to ask. Is that it? I'm just too afraid of what the reaction might be? Yahiko immediately understood what he needed to do. I need to imagine the worst. What are the worst, most terrible, most hurtful things they could possibly say or do?

"I, um, need to use the bathroom," he murmured while starting to get to his feet.

"I also need to think about this in solitude," Konan said. "Excuse me."

Kakuzu got up, and Hidan. The meeting ended with everyone going their separate ways, all driven by the need for solitude. Only alone could they find their answers.

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A/N: Aphantasia is the inability to generate stimuli that you aren't currently experiencing. Like Nagato, I have no idea how people with this condition think about the future. Everything said here is conjecture.

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Play Date

Thnaks to social services, Nagato and Yahiko attended school. Thanks to Jiraiya, they did so as completely normal kids. Nobody except the teachers knew they were orphans.

"You okay?" Nagato asked. It was the end of the day and they were sitting in their last class, waitnig to be dismissed. "It looks like it's starting to bruise..."

Yahiko forced a grin. "What are you talking about?" He rubbed the arm that had gotten badly stung by the dodgeball earlier, and winced. He laughed afterwards. "Dodgeball is fun!"

Nagato bit his lip. "I guess so."

"Hey," said another boy. He pulled over a nearby desk and sat close as if he was their friend. They did not even know what his name was. "I have a question."

"What is it?" Yahiko asked. As usual, he had a smile on his face.

"Are you two queers?"

The other boy sounded completely innocent. Yahiko shrugged. "I dunno. What's a queer?"

"My dad says they're boys who like other boys too much."

Nagato tried his best to turn invisible and not cry. The smile slipped from Yahiko's face. "Too much for what?"

The other boy scrunched up his face in thought. "Too much to get married, I think."

Yahiko tried his best to turn invisible, too. "Not true. We'll get married."

"Oh, ok." The other boy got up and went back to his desk where his friends were waiting to hear the answer.

The last class of the day was dismissed. Yahiko and Nagato walked out together, as always, but this time in silence. They stopped at the sight of the busses. Neither of them really wanted to board the special bus that would take them back to the center where they officially lived.

"We could call Jiraiya," Nagato whispered. "Tell the office he's our foster dad."

"But that would be lying." Jiraiya wasn't officially anything.

They boarded the bus.

The ride was long and painful. Yahiko laughed. "That's silly, isn't it? Liking other boys too much? There's no such thing as liking anyone too much."

"I hope not," Nagato whispered.

"We'll get married when we're grown up, and our wives will be best friends, and we'll be best friends, and we'll get houses right next door, and we'll be together forever and ever," Yahiko declared.

They were not the only children on the bus. Someone a few seats ahead heard only the last part. They burst out laughing. "Haha! Nagato and Yahiko sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

The rest of the ride was filled with that. Yahiko wished, just this once, that his moral compass was not so strong.

They were dropped off. They checked in. They immediately asked to use the phone. Yahiko stopped and waved Nagato forward. Nagato looked back and forth, not sure what to do. Finally he nodded and picked up the headset, dialed Jiraiya's number. Jiraiya answered on the second ring. "Yahiko, you rascal. I was just floating on the clouds of creativity, having a good time the likes of which you won't know until you're older. You kids can't even compare to such delights!"

"Please get us," Nagato whispered.

A pause. "I'll be there." The sound of a receiver being slammed down onto its cradle.

They sat on a bench along a wall while they waited for Jiraiya. "Nah," Yahiko said. "They just didn't hear the first part, with the wives and all. It's not like that. We don't...kiss." He turned red. He laughed. "They're just being silly!"

"Is kissing bad?" Nagato whispered.

"Boys kiss girls, and you're not a girl, and I'm definitely not a girl," Yahiko said with a nervous laugh. "So obviously we don't."

"Right," Nagato whispered.

Jiraiya showed up, and there was no more talk of sad things. The first thing he did after they were all safely in the car was ask if they were all right. Yahiko put on his best smile and said "Yeah!" Nagato said nothing. Jiraiya looked at them for a couple more seconds, then turned away. He took them to a playground.

Yahiko saw some girls playing far away. He watched them. He didn't actually know what the difference was between girls and boys. But there must be some difference, right? Some reason to say he was a boy and not a girl?

"Hey," Nagato said. "Want to go play under that tree? We might find caterpillars."

Yahiko fiddled with his hair. "Do you think he asked that because we play together all the time?"

Nagato blinked back tears. "I thought you said there's no such thing as liking anyone too much."

"Heh?" Yahiko blinked. He saw how sad Nagato looked, and his moral compass roared back to full strength. "Yeah. There isn't. So what if we play together all the time? You're the best to play with."

Nagato smiled and they ran off to look for caterpillars. All was simple again.

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A/N: Darnations. I've developed a new idea recently about which language they're speaking. It's extremely hokey. The idea is that everyone is speaking English, that the warped nature of the world is forcing them to, but they've been given perfect understanding of English so they don't even notice. It's either that, or everything written here is a very high-level case of "represented in English for convenience." As in, the other kids were subjecting them to some jibe with a similar general meaning and nature as this common English-language bit of wordplay, so it was translated into that even if it was actually phrased completely differently. (That is often the best way to translate idioms.) I still don't know what language everyone is supposed to be really speaking. The idea that they are actually speaking English is very tempting, even if it would be transparently lazy.

I'll settle this...probably never.