A/N: Ooh, I like this one. It's nice.

...And that's all I can find to say. Enjoy the chapter!

PS I thought of something to say. I found a very nice game called Puzzle Agent many years back. It takes place in a heavily Scandanavian part of the US, so everyone has a characteristic accent. The innkeeper is this middle aged, portly woman who's goshdarn friendly to everyone she meets. That's what I imagine Marsha to sound and (kind of) look like. Just in case any readers have played that game and know who I'm talking about.

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Kisame

Kisame called Yahiko on his lunch break. "Hey. I didn't want to wake you up after you stayed up late with the vampires, so I waited until now to ask. What happened? Are we in any danger?"

"Well…" Oh shit.

"What does that mean?"

"It means… Um… It's complicated and I need time to figure out how to say it. Give me a sec."

Kisame gave him time. While waiting, he forced himself to take a deep breath and unclench his hand from his phone. It was possible that Yahiko really was having difficulty with the complexity of events, and nothing more. He might not be hesitating to share bad news because it would frighten people. Kisame might be letting his paranoia make him jump to the worst conclusion straight away. Even so, he prepared for bad news. Complexity around here never means good things. The good news around here is always about simplicity.

"There's good news and bad news," Yahiko eventually said. "The good news is that the vampire we've been talking to changed her mind about Hidan. The bad news is that other vampires don't agree with her. We kind of set off a civil war. I don't know what we're going to do about it. I can't find Konan anywhere, so hopefully she's off making plans or something."

"Do you want to put that in the chat or leave it to me?"

"Oh, yeah. I probably should."

"Definitely a meeting tonight."

"Yeah." Over the phone, there was a faint sound that might have been Yahiko taking a deep breath. "I really hope she has a plan," he whispered into the phone. "I really, really want to be able to do something to help. I just can't stand the thought that trusting me led someone into disaster. I never wanted to lead anyone into disaster. I just wanted the best."

The despair in his voice reached Kisame. His tensed muscles relaxed; his inner wall lowered. "I know," Kisame said gently. "Don't worry. You know that's not how things work around here. This isn't that kind of story."

"You really think so?" Success! Hope had been restored to Yahiko's voice.

"What was that the demon kid said? Friendly? Nobody who calls themself that would do this to you." I hope some part of me knows what I'm talking about, because I have no freakin' clue where these words are coming from.

"Thank you, Kisame."

"You're welcome. See you at the meeting. Get it in the chat."

"Oh, yeah. I'll do it right now. Thanks again." Beep.

Kisame had a few minutes left, so he went to the stingray pool to pet the animals. Having his hand in water, feeling the cool liquid on his skin, and of course making contact with living animals: all of these things soothed him. He went back to work with reasonably relaxed muscles and faith that whatever problems there were would be worked out.

Sasori

"Oh dear god." Sasori put his phone on the desk and slid it away from himself. "Nope." He immediately got up and checked on Ruta.

"I'm learning a lot about how bicycles work!" Ruta announced as soon as he entered the room. "I'm taking my new job really seriously. I've been watching Youtube videos in my spare time and everything. And I'm having so much fun telling them about how human beings function!"

This was a mistake. He's going to talk my ear off if I don't stop him. "That's nice. What have they brought?"

Ruta held up a sparkling gold chain. "Someone dropped a necklace."

Sasori took the chain and looked at it. There were no charms on it, or initials, or anything to identify who it belonged to. It was just a simple gold chain with a little stone hanging from it. It was possible that whoever had lost it didn't miss it or even know they'd lost it. Even so… "I think I'll put this at the front desk in case we find whoever lost it. It would be unethical to sell off something someone's still looking for."

That reminded him of something else he ought to be thinking about. After putting the necklace on the front desk and explaining to Laurie what he was doing, Sasori said, "I'm going to be on the phone for a while."

"Okay." Laurie seemed to be very distracted by her phone, which was open on a messaging program that had updated several times while Sasori was talking to her. He briefly wondered what Deidara could be messaging her about so insistently. But it wasn't his business, so he went back to his office and looked up the number for the aquarium, then called it from the office phone.

The phone picked up after one ring. The person on the other end gave a standard robotic-sounding intro spiel. "How may I help you?" they asked.

"Hello, this is the manager of the auto shop, calling to ask about the community outreach event."

"One moment, please." Sasori waited while he was transferred to someone else. Evidently whoever he'd called was not one of the people in charge of those plans.

"This is the auto shop, calling about the event?" the new person on the other asked when he was finally put through.

"Yes. I was wondering how much of a presence you were expecting? Shall we bring a table, send a representative, or is a donation enough?"

Sasori was referring to previous conversations he had had with people at the aquarium in which they recommended a joint donation: he would bring balls and lost toys and whatever else he wanted to donate, and it would be part of the deal he and the aquarium had informally agreed on to provide such things for the benefit of their animals, but the donation would be to the dog shelter instead of the aquarium. It would hopefully unite the three businesses in a way that worked to all of their mutual advantage and created goodwill and gave customers the warm and fuzzies.

"On our end, we expect no more than a donation. If you wish to send a person, that would be ideal. But the dog shelter is the main mover and shaker here. You'd have to talk with them about setting up a table or anything like that."

"Roger. Thank you." Sasori ended the call. He then looked up the number for the dog shelter and called them. "Hello, this is the auto shop calling about the community outreach event. Would it be possible to send along a person to accompany the joint donation?" Wait, when did I switch from "Are you expecting…" to "Would it be possible…"? I don't have any desire of my own to send someone. Do I? Sasori realized that at some point he had started considering the idea of sending someone to represent the shop as a certainty. The only question was who it would be.

"Certainly," the kindly woman on the other end said, sounding puzzled. "That wasn't already the plan?"

"I just wanted to confirm."

"Consider yourself confirmed! You can't reach out to the community if you have no heart to reach from. Something like this has to have a person behind it. Otherwise it's all for hooey." She clicked her tongue.

Sasori ended the call politely and decorously. A heart to reach from… He went to see Ruta again. "Ruta, tell me about the items the bicycles have been bringing. Do they have a possible donation value?"

"Of course they do!" Ruta exclaimed. He was in the middle of sorting the brought items into different drawers. He held up one recent acquisition: a ball with noticeable scratch marks on one side. "This ball, as you can see, was used. It had a life. Someone loved it and used it for more than the occasional neighborhood baseball game. No; judging from the marks, I would say it was thrown at one of those concrete walls that are so often used for handball. This ball's life was not of drudgery and reluctant Little League games. It has seen friendship and spontaneous fun." He put it down and picked up a dirty baseball. "This baseball, on the other hand, belonged to a dedicated sports-playing person. No reluctance here. It's been washed as thoroughly as it can be, and still it has dirt worn into it from where it was thrown a hundred times before being lost. Passion and commitment, that's what this has. These items are not used up pieces of garbage. They are relics of joyous times that ought to be celebrated. Anyone who receives these items whether by donation or purchase should be honored to receive such life-filled objects."

Sasori wasn't really paying attention to the speech. Rather, he watched Ruta's face as it was given. Plenty of heart here. "You're going to the community outreach event as our representative."

Ruta broke out into a grin. "Really?"

"Oh yeah." Sasori paused. "Do you really spend your time here explaining humanity to the bicycles?"

Ruta nodded.

Sasori studied him. "Are you sure a job where you talk to nobody for hours on end is right for you? You seem to really love talking."

"I like it here," Ruta said. "It's restful." But he did not protest Sasori's point.

"If that's the case, make sure the rest of your day outside of here is demanding," Sasori said. "You need a balance of rest and work in your life. If your work is restful, then your free time should be spent working." Only as he said it did he realize: I'm telling him what worked for me. Hanging out with machines was restful, so I looked for human company in my free time. Putting myself out there was work. I had my work and my rest reversed, and so does he. "Trust me on this," Sasori added.

Ruta nodded. "I think I've been doing that already. I've gotten so much more productive lately, really making progress on my hobbies. Internet use way down."

"Good." Sasori knew Ruta would not see the gentle look on his face, so he nodded and gave a thumbs up before leaving. I'm glad for him. I never want to be the kind of boss I had. He should be happy here.

Laurie came down the hall. "A Mitsubishi Outlander, in for routine inspection and oil change. Coming around back now."

Sasori turned and retraced his footsteps. "Get these things out of here. There's a car coming in." He rolled up the large garage door. "If you'd like, you can stay and learn a few things."

Ruta stood at attention, the balls and things already cleared away. The two bicycles he'd been cleaning and checking were already out of the way in accordance with Sasori's instructions. "Yes please!"

Kakuzu

It was a lovely spring day. The weather was very pleasant. As Kakuzu sat outside a diner enjoying a light lunch, he found his mind drifting. He let it. He wasn't the one personally making money this time, so it did no harm. He found himself wondering about the nature of friendship and what a person's obligation to others really was.

Hidan came back eventually. Kakuzu tossed a bagel already spread with cream cheese at him. Hidan sank his teeth into it like he'd never eaten before in his life. While tearing the delicious bread creation to pieces, he handed Kakuzu a twenty dollar bill.

"Good work," Kakuzu told him.

Hidan brushed cream cheese off his lips then licked his hand. "Admit it. I'm a natural at this. I can keep pace with you, no problem."

"You are a natural at the game of convincing others to part with their money," Kakuzu admitted.

Hidan smirked.

"Notice I did not say you had equal skill as me in any other game."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think I like competitive card games anyway. I've played them before for fun, and it's kinda nice when it's just a way to get a circle of people sitting in the same room long enough to start talking and egging each other on and shit, but I can't imagine actually focusing on the game."

"Naturally." Kakuzu surprised himself by immediately being able to explain that. He doesn't have any interest in accumulating stores of wealth. Of course he doesn't. That's how a bear lives, not a cat. As much as he might prefer not to think of himself as a mindless animal, it really explained a lot about the two of them. He had to admit that thinking of themselves as beasts had a certain value.

"The best way!" Hidan swallowed the last of his bagel. "Hey, can I have some of that fruit?"

They finished the light lunch and enjoyed the breeze for a few minutes. Then Hidan suggested, "How about gyros?" Off they went to get enormous meat tacos. Because, of course, a light lunch wasn't what either of them was really suited for no matter how nice it might be.

Itachi

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. Really, I don't.

He was trying to practice the pieces the kind lady at the dog shelter had given him…in the basement with the symbol 3 feet away.

Dear gods why?

Surprisingly, it wasn't going very badly. Itachi had just enough mental capacity left to him to teach his fingers new commands, and not enough to worry over anything else. In a way, it was sort of restful. He had to stop every so often to take deep breaths though. The symbol tired him. After half an hour, he was forced to put an end to it. He took his guitar all the way up to the roof. There, his heart and mind both slowed to a reasonable speed. In the case of his mind, that meant it regained the ability to latch onto distracting thoughts. Are the vampires going to install an autocratic regime and kill us all? was one such thought.

Ah, so that's why I went down there.

He couldn't avoid his thoughts forever, so he decided he ought to lean into them. If they do, what's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is that they attack us. The vampires' population seems to be much larger than ours, but we have ninja powers on our side. We could, at bare minimum, hold them off long enough to escape and get help. They would suffer enormous casualties. Even if the vampires do overthrow the reasonable one we've been talking to, and they do install an autocratic regime, and said regime is sufficiently dogmatic not to be concerned with how many casualties they might incur in open warfare, many of the vampires would not join in such a fight. Not once they saw Konan. She has the power to make all but the most unreasonable people submit to her will, and that's without any of us having seen her true combat potential. Assuming the vampire population follows a normal pattern, with their opinions divided roughly three ways, we have more than enough force on our side to win that fight. It would be suicide for them.

This won him a brief reprieve, enough to get one song mostly down and start work on another. Then his mind threw up another concern: it would be suicide for them, but what cost might there be for us? He involuntarily pictured Kisame badly wounded or dead, then Yahiko likewise.

He sighed. Where was Konan? The more his worries built, the more he desired her company. Her strength, her formidable ruthlessness, it was all very reassuring. He pictured the battle without her, and shivered. We need her, he realized. We are not yet ninjas in our own right. We need her very much.

He left the roof and put his guitar away. He was more motivated to practice his ninja skills than he had ever been before. He tried to recall what he was weak at. I am a planning person, one who works well in cooperation with others. So what would I do if I was alone? My ability to defend myself is not very good. He went to the room with all the punching bags and started punching. He dropped out several times, but went back in several times too. By the end, he had realized a few things. He was not sure how to throw a proper punch, he was very flexible, and he had an eye for where to hit a target to deliver the most damage. Vampires are said to be much faster than humans. That'll be handy. He considered facepalming - he hadn't thought to use the Sharingan even once in his entire training session - but he decided it was a good thing, since the knowledge that he didn't need the Sharingan to see well in a fight was much more reassuring. He could only be reassured by knowing his own strength, not the strength of anyone or anything else.

He then checked out the other training room. It was covered in targets, many of which were wrapped in string. The telltale lined-up marks of Hidan's scythe showed where he had practiced the precise use of his scythe. Itachi's eyes widened. Of course! Throwing projectiles! With my eyes, that would be very useful. He didn't have any projectiles on him, so he went to the kitchen to borrow knives. They would of course make terrible weapons, and dulling them wasn't a good idea, but he figured he would only need to throw each knife once to confirm his suspicions. if I am right, and my original saw value in throwing weapons, then I should be able to at least hit the target with kitchen knives.

"Itachi, what are you doing?" Deidara asked as he watched Itachi carry the knife block away from the kitchen.

"Training my ninja skills," Itachi answered. "As we all should have been long before now."

"You're worried about that stuff Yahiko posted in the group chat, aren't you?" Deidara asked. He walked alongside Itachi to the training rooms.

"Yes. I realized that my estimation of how well we would do in battle against the vampires depends heavily on Konan. Without her, our odds of getting out with everyone alive drop drastically, to say nothing of defending ourselves or fighting back. We've allowed ourselves to become complacent, treating our ninja life as secondary to our civilian life. That's the wrong thing to do. Remember everything you and I thought of, that this world is a little world of its own assembled from pieces of larger ones? There is no way to know how long this motley little world will last, but we would be better off treating it as if it will. That means not taking this opportunity for granted. We have an actual ninja master here and ready to train us in everything she knows. We cannot let that pass into oblivion."

Deidara was silent as Itachi took the knives out of the block, as he inspected them for durability, as he experimentally threw them at a large target on the opposite wall (they all came close to the center). Then he opened his main mouth and asked, "How can I help, yeah?"

"Hmm…" Itachi thought quickly. "You have the fastest method of transportation around. We will need supplies. Better knives, to start with."

"Where the hell do we get battle knives?" Deidara asked.

"This may sound insane, but Google it."

Deidara blinked twice in disbelief. Then he realized Itachi's logic, and did just that. "I'm not getting results for any kind of store around here," he said, "but we could order them online."

"Save those results for whoever will be in charge of spending money on them. Kakuzu, most likely. If we don't need to rush to a store to get them, your owl won't help."

"I'm gonna suggest we get the bulk package, yeah," Deidara said while doing that. "A dozen kunai and shuriken, for the same price as a pack of twenty kunai. Seems like a deal, yeah."

"We would need one of those packs per person." Itachi shook his head. "What else?"

"Armor?"

"Something tells me our originals did not use armor. It might be a good idea to get very thick scarves, but aside from that I don't think we should bother. This late in the game, with war threatening, we must concentrate on what we can learn and use quickly."

"Holy shit, you're really serious," Deidara exclaimed. "You think we're on the verge of war."

"It was a wake up call," Itachi replied. "I am serious about learning and preserving our ninja heritage. I am serious about not depending on Konan for our defense. It's too much pressure to place on her."

"Okay," Deidara said. "So… Our originals threw things, yeah. We've got that covered. They didn't wear armor, but we could use some anyway. So I need to go shopping for tough, densely woven scarves. What else did they do that we can learn that I can get supplies for, yeah?"

"Seals," Itachi remembered. "Call Yahiko and ask where Nagato got the chakra ink; Nagato isn't reachable by phone right now."

Itachi returned the knives to the block and the block to the kitchen in the meantime. When he came back, Deidara said, "He says it came from the art supply store they get their paint at, yeah."

"Do you know where that is?" Itachi paused. "For that matter, where is he?"

"At his apartment. He said he was looking up spells, oddly enough, yeah."

"If they are usable, that's a great idea."

"And yeah, he told me roughly where it is. So should I go now? Hit the bank, get money, go shopping for scarves and ink?"

"Yes. I'll update you by text if I think of anything else. Modern technology is marvelous."

Deidara left. Itachi sniffed his underarm. I wonder if I would smell different if I was sweaty from heat instead of exercise? He took out his phone and asked the Internet. He found that heat and exercise produced the same kind of sweat, so he would not. Stress, on the other hand, produced a very different kind of sweat that had a stronger smell. Fascinating. He put his phone away and blinked. What was I thinking about before?

That was right: stuff they may need to fight vampires, and training. He pulled up a copy of Ruta's document and read through it again. How did we all forget to mention anywhere in this thing that our originals also used weapons? Chakra isn't everything. He did not find anything else in the document that they would need supplies for, so he put his phone away and went to his room. He did some stretching, sat for a while, and changed his shirt when he felt cool. He found a place to insert a brief mention of weapons in the document.

Now what?

Konan

After going over the new plan with Sakumo, Konan had intended to leave and go straight home. Instead, some of the half tigers, most notably the woman she had talked with the day before, found her as she left the outer cabin and asked her in concerned voices what else they could do to help. Konan was surprised that they were so concerned, and surprised that she was surprised. You would think that I would have learned how the people of this world work by now. Of course they would take an appeal for help personally. They take many things personally.

She gave their question her full attention. Regrettably, she was forced to conclude that there was nothing they could do to help. "I cannot think of anything," she told them. "If there is violence, you are not trained enough as shinobi to participate. You have no special relations with the vampires that would cause them to listen to you. This is not your fight."

"If your guy is in danger, he could come hang with us for a while."

Konan shook her head. "Hidan is not at risk. He's immortal, among other things."

"Wait, seriously?"

Konan eventually extracted herself, after spending what she thought was a reasonable amount of time cultivating friendships among the Hatakes. Because that was how alliance worked in this world, she remembered. So much depended on personal bonds. When she did eventually leave their camp, the whole matter of alliance and bonds had reminded her of who else she might be able to turn to for help if things went horribly wrong. She went into town, heading for the aquarium. On the way there, she remembered who else might possibly be able and willing to help, and stopped. She went to the bar first instead.

She found a succubus working some tables. "Hello," she greeted, unable to tell if this was the same demon that they normally talked to.

It was not. "Hello," they said back, confused.

"My group has been in contact with another one of the demons here. Are they in?"

"Oh," the succubus realized. "You're one of those humans. The ones with the prophet. What are you looking for?" A man with dilated pupils approached her. She pushed him away without even looking at him.

"Are you aware of the existence of vampires around here?"

The succubus blinked. "Uh… Are you serious?"

"I shall take that as a no. There are vampires living in the abandoned houses west of town. They have history with the god that my teammate is a prophet of. They dislike said god immensely. We tried recently to convince them to rethink their stance. Our success provoked a reactionary backlash, and now there is a portion of the vampire population that have risen up in arms and become willing to kill whoever they must, even one of their own, to protect their hatred. I am seeking whatever assistance with this I can." Konan turned away. "But if your kind do not even know of the vampires, then you would be of little help."

"Wait," the succubus called. "Tell me more about this?"

They may not be able to help now, but they could be of great assistance in the future. Konan took the time to sit down with the demon and explain as well as she could what was going on. The demon had many questions and many opinions. "I don't understand," she said at one point. "This other prophet in the past turned around and started saying prophetish things only after a long career as the sort of person no prophet would ever be? What happened there? I'm pretty sure they're the way they are from birth, at least most of the time."

"Hidan was not," she said. "Of course, he has false memories of having always lived his life as one. But they are false memories. In truth, his original died and his soul became trapped in some kind of bushlike structure that created this world, which tore off a piece of his soul and created a clone out of it. Thanks to the rules of world clone creation, he had to have the abilities his original had, which came from contact with Jashin sama. The problem with that is that Jashin sama does not have that sort of influence over the world this one is based off of. Therefore, Jashin sama had to be imported. Hence Original Hidan's world clone was made into a prophet by necessity. His personality, powers, etcetera all come from his original, who was not one."

"People can be made into prophets? Do you think that's what happened to the general? What could have caused it?"

"I have no idea. I could find a way to ask Hidan and report to you, or another one of you, what he says."

"Okay. So this general suddenly became a prophet, started acting in ways that defied the vampire's belief that they were special chosen people, causing civil war and the people to reject their god. Continue."

At a later point, she raised her hand again. "Hold on. They want to try to kill a prophet? Are they out of their fucking minds?"

"They did not know he was a prophet before," Konan replied, "and I think they are not quite so foolish as that. They will settle for killing the prophet's followers, who they believe us to be, as well as any of their own that try to make peace."

"Believe us to be? You mean you aren't?"

Now it was Konan's turn to be baffled. "No. Of course not. It is true that as a god, he has substantial influence, which allows him to be a leader. But Jashin sama is a niche deity. Do you really imagine that we could all be the sort of people that belong to him? Such people are rare. And the Akatsuki is my group. I am the one that gathered them, I am the one who has taught them everything they know about the ninja life, and I lead alongside him. We are a ninja group, not a cult." As the implication that she was not the leader of her own group sunk in, Konan found herself getting angry. The succubus shrank back.

"Wow," the demon said. "You mean that a prophet willingly adopts a subordinate position? I didn't mean to question you; I just never imagined that was possible."

"As I said, his personality is derived from a man who was not a prophet. Said man was best suited for subordinate positions, enjoyed and may even have willingly adopted them if ever offered the choice. Of course he would." Konan pictured the Hidan she had known. If he was the sole leader, he would have nobody to challenge his innate arrogance and nobody to pat him on the head. He likes to go off on his own and act like a solitary beast, but the truth is that he feels the same need for other people as we all do. If he was allowed to lead, I cannot imagine that he would take the mantle gladly or hold it for long. No matter how much he pretends otherwise, he must know the truth about himself.

Have. Have known the truth about himself.

"Are you okay?"

Konan found herself looking down at the table, her hands curled. "I knew his original. It is painful to remember him. He didn't grow around prophethood like the prophets you speak of in this world did, so it grew around him. It chokes him. The Hidan I know is not the Hidan I knew. He is gone. What I liked most about him…is gone." Despite her training, she struggled against the impulse to cry. Being near the symbol is a comfort, but it's not the same. Not remotely the same.

"I'm sorry," the demon whispered. "You and him were a thing?"

Konan closed her eyes. "No." Never could be. Not as subordinate and superior, member and leader, recruit and founder. That is not how things worked in my world. But in this world… If only he could somehow be alive again in this world, she found herself wishing. It made her heart squeeze and her eyes tear.

The demon struggled for words. "Do you want a hug?"

"No." It would allow her to express too much. "Let us keep talking."

"Okay."

They did so for another half an hour, carefully steering away from any topic that might lead back to the world Konan had lost. At the end, the demon looked as committed to fighting on Konan's behalf as the tiger man for Hidan's. "If it does come to fighting, call us," she said. "We can prevent fighting just by standing there."

"Not necessarily, but you are correct in a general sense. Thank you. I will."

"Wait, seriously?"

Konan then completed her original plan to go to the aquarium and speak with Kisame. It was now the afternoon, so he had already made his call to Yahiko. He straightened as soon as he saw her. "I need to contact Jiraiya," she told him.

"About the possible war with vampires?"

"If my plans work, there will be no war," she said. Dammit. I need to check the group chat. "Just in case, I have spent the whole day so far visiting allies and gathering support."

"Nice," Kisame said, looking impressed. He shared with her Jiraiya's contact information. "We're thinking there's definitely going to be a meeting tonight. Good time to go over plans then."

"Yes," Konan agreed. "I have much to say."

"I hope there's enough time to go over everything. Itachi sent out a message a couple minutes ago. He has all kinds of plans too."

"Excuse me. What is this you are talking about?"

.

A/N: Translation of the last line: "Wait, seriously?"

Heehee.

The question about what exactly happened with the other prophet is a question that I have not been asked, but I've been wondering about it for a long time. Figured I'd address it before anyone complained.

Yay yay yay yay. See you next chapter! Who knows what kind of cool stuff might happen there? :D