A/N: Man, I had forgotten how much I love working on holidays! The busyness provokes a mild adrenaline rush, which wakes me right up. I feel so energized and AWAKE when it's super busy. It is wonderful.

Speaking of busyness...

Hope you love the chapter. :)

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Konan

Konan, from her perch a few houses away, saw everything. She could not hear it, but she saw the tiger man and a vampire get into an animated discussion which resulted in Nagato grabbing Yahiko and fleeing the scene. The conversation continued on after that. Before long, the tiger man and the vampire were sitting side by side laughing, occasionally elbowing each other. I've seen enough. Konan leaped silently along rooftops and landed at Nagato and Yahiko's side. "I would recommend continuing the mission without him," she told them.

They stood. "What are we going to do about the part where we show them that animal people can be reasonable and friendly?" Nagato asked.

Konan sighed. "I suppose I will do. So then, let's continue." She reached out and took back the paper butterfly, as it was no longer needed. On second thought, she remade it and sent it to Sakumo's man. Sakumo would probably not be happy if she left his man alone in vampire territory with no surveillance.

They walked on. Nagato filled her in on what they had learned so far. Konan nodded. It all made sense, though she was troubled by the news that Soye was plagued by overzealous followers. That sounds horrible. It is more difficult to regulate people that claim to be on your side than it is to account for your enemy's actions. Enemies are simple: defeat them. Troublesome followers have to be reined in, which is harder. Or else make them into enemies and defeat them. But that would be risky in this case, as it might send the wrong message to the rest of her supporters, who may lessen their support in response. To summarize: I would not want to be her right now.

It wasn't long before they encountered another vampire. This one approached them openly as they walked along. "What were you talking about with the others?" they asked. "It must be good, or else you wouldn't be staying."

"We're trying to find out what's been going on since your leader made a shocking announcement last week," Nagato replied.

"So far, we've heard about the roving gangs of vampires that theoretically support her but actually are going AWOL, the breakdown in patrols, and that nobody's talking anymore," Yahiko said. "It sounds very bad."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," the vampire said. "There's one thing you missed. A couple of us tried to go to those weirdos that have been having secret meetings in cloaks and talk to them about the other weirdos that are interrogating everyone. A common enemy, you know? But they cut us off before we could even get out a sentence. So they're on their own. They don't want help, they get none."

"Oh, crap," Nagato whispered. "They don't know Soye didn't authorize those gangs!"

The vampire jerked backward. "How do you know our leader's name?" They looked at all of the humans again. "Oh, shit. You're the ones that told her about the prophet, aren't you?"

"Yes," Konan replied. "Which is why we're here to gather information. If my best friend and companion is in danger, I want to know about it as soon as possible." I still do not know what kind of relationship we have. What do I call him? I suppose "companion" is sufficient for now.

The vampire snorted. When nobody else responded, they looked shocked. "That wasn't a joke? A prophet who has friends?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the Twelve Apostles?" Nagato asked. "It's not a new concept."

"Those were particularly devoted followers that just wanted to hang on his every word," the vampire said. They raised a brow at Konan. "You seriously think it's possible for something like that to be your friend?"

"I understand what you mean," Konan told them, "but the particulars of this situation are different than what you assume. There are different kinds of prophets that are formed in different ways. Some merge completely and some maintain separate aspects with varying degrees of separation. Hidan is as separated as it is possible for a prophet to be. That's why you didn't know he was one until we told you. He doesn't know what he is, and for the most part is just like a regular man. It is possible to be friends with him most of the time."

"Hold up," the vampire said. "Doesn't know what he is?"

"If he knew, it would collapse the separation. Jashin sama's energy is so wild that it causes a human soul to break apart like motes of dust in a whirlwind. That's why your previous prophet became mute, immobile and incapable of living, if I've heard correctly. Hidan must strain a great deal to keep his soul separate, and part of that is not paying any attention to his other half. Paying attention to something is the soul's way of reaching out to it."

"So he's not…?"

"Not what?" Nagato asked.

"You know…not trying to…promote something? Do an agenda?"

"He is not," Konan replied.

"He sounded so sad," Yahiko blurted.

Everyone else looked at him. The vampire narrowed their eyes. "About what?"

Yahiko gulped. He took a deep breath and visibly tried to gather his thoughts. "Last night, we found out the basics of what happened. We went home and told him about it. We, uh, told him that, uh, we told him the good news. Not the bad stuff - I mean, we didn't want to upset him or anything. We just told him that there was one vampire who had changed her mind about him. We said she would have to meet with him at some point, probably. And he, he, he gets this thing in his eyes sometimes. His human part, it normally has pink eyes, but his other part has blue eyes, and sometimes his eyes get purplish and he starts to say weird things that he doesn't understand or even remember saying. This time, when we told him that, his eyes got a little weird, not a lot, but somewhat. He said it'd been a while, and that he didn't like anger because it never made anyone feel especially alive, and he sounded like he would really like to meet with a vampire again after all this time."

Konan wondered if it was wise to talk about that. Discussing Jashin sama directly would probably make most vampires they did it with angry, driving them to one side or the other. We are supposed to be neutral, not trying to involve ourselves in their politics.

"He misses us?"

Konan looked back at the vampire. They looked stunned, in the same way a young child would be. Were those tears in the corners of their eyes?

"Yeah," Yahiko replied. "You didn't know that?"

The vampire opened and closed their mouth several times. "It's always been said…"

Nagato's eyes widened. "That no matter what the reason for it, what happened would always be the same: your god abandoned you."

The vampire nodded.

Yahiko's eyes had tears in them. "It's not true at all," he said. "He didn't do that, and he's not mad at you now, even after everything. He'd love to hang out with you."

The vampire swallowed. "Really?"

"Yes," Yahiko said. "It doesn't have to be hard. It's really very easy. If you just decide there's no more problem, there won't be."

The vampire hesitated. "That's not how centuries-long conflicts work."

Yahiko huffed. "Why does nobody believe it? I have no reason to lie to you. If something bad happened because of my advice, you'd want to attack everyone I care about even more than you do now. I promise, it's true. He's a god. He totally can just let bygones be bygones. It's all so small to him he probably didn't care in the first place. It's all completely your decision, nobody else's."

Konan understood what Hidan had meant when he said that people channeled the power of the gods through them. If the gods were not just aspects of reality like hardness or softness, but also feelings, then Yahiko was tapping directly into the gods of anger and sadness and hope and love right now. Konan could feel his aura. It was stronger and more powerful than she'd ever felt it, the connection clearer, the energy purer. His words were clearer and possessed considerable force. Konan could feel his sincerity on her soul.

Evidently, so did the vampire. They looked completely convinced. "How did I never think of it like that before?"

"We're staying in the abandoned hotel, northeast of here, follow the road out of town through the suburbs then turn left. Same street as the haunted hospital," Yahiko said.

"Wait, what?"

Konan waved a hand. "The haunted hospital's not important right now. If you want to meet on the roof of the building described, feel free. At night, he is there. He'll probably detect you with his soul sense."

The vampire turned and disappeared into the night. "Yahiko, that was incredible," Nagato gushed. "You should have seen yourself just now. I would have taken a picture if it wasn't nighttime."

"I felt really good," Yahiko said. "I felt something incredible flowing through me. He was right."

"Let's go." Konan pulled on their sleeves. "We've done all we should do tonight."

Nagato

When he got back, it was very late. Hidan was already asleep. The message had to wait 'til morning.

In the morning, Nagato stretched. He yawned. He thought grumpy thoughts about having to wake up so early for work. Then his eyes flew open and he leaped out of bed. He ran out into the hallways and was standing outside Hidan's room in no time.

Hidan opened his door. He, too, was wide awake on a burst of adrenaline. "Wazzit?"

"News. I have news. Good news." Nagato took a deep breath. "Another vampire has changed their minds about you. Or about the other guy; I'm not sure which. Either way, you will probably be visited by a vampire who wants to hang out with you sometime soon."

"Shit," Hidan whispered. "You guys are fucking amazing at your jobs." He gave Nagato a hug.

Nagato hugged him back, but had to clarify. "This wasn't because of anything we did. It was because of you. You did something that you probably don't remember doing, we told one of the vampires we met last night about it, and just like that they were ready to visit you."

Hidan pulled back to look him in the face. "You told 'em, so I'm still giving you credit." Hidan blinked, then looked around. His cheeks colored. "Let's, uh, go inside."

Nagato was already grinning. He went inside Hidan's room, waited for Hidan to close the door, then ambushed him with a kiss as soon as he turned around.

We are excellent at our jobs.

Kisame

Kisame went to see Sasori in his room. "So what's going on?" he asked.

"We've organized a joint donation," Sasori replied. "A donation of toys from me, as part of my deal with the aquarium, but it's for the dogs instead. Should tie us all together. I'll be sending Ruta with it. You?"

"There's going to be a crew manning the table," Kisame said. "They want me to be part of it so I can explain how I got this idea. It was weird. I was called into the office of one of my bosses, and there were two other people there besides her. She asked me to explain how I got the idea of providing toys and such for the animals, then cut me off partway through and told me I was going."

"That's exactly how I auditioned Ruta," Sasori said. He stared at Kisame in utter bewilderment. "I asked him to explain a thing and watched how he did it. He looked so excited. You could tell he really meant every word he said. I knew he had the heart that was needed to go and sell people on this idea. I'm sorry, but since when do you…?"

Kisame felt his face grow warm. They were testing me to see if I could get enthusiastic? The idea of having exposed so much personal feeling made him want to curl up and shrink away. Oh dear fucking god. They want me to do that in public?!

"Are you okay?" Sasori asked.

"I think that if I can manage to do this, I can consider myself graduated from the school of learning how to be a social animal."

"Have you done anything like this before?"

Kisame thought of the time he told visitors about Samehada, and the time he told Tammy about Samehada. He nodded.

"Alright then. The final exam shouldn't be too much for you. Good luck. I hope you graduate with honors."

Kisame knew what he had to do: find a last minute study partner, ASAP. Luckily, he knew just the person. Over his lunch break, he went to the stingray pool. "I need to talk with you," he whispered to Tammy.

"Do you need my help with something?" she whispered back. They were both standing at her station. He hadn't wanted to waste a second.

"Yeah."

They moved over to the bench, where she asked, "What is it?"

"I have to do lots of talking about something I'm enthusiastic about, putting my enthusiasm on full display, in public, to people I don't know or have any reason to trust." Kisame took a deep breath. "I'm thinking of it as a final exam. If I pass, I can consider myself fully socialized. It's tomorrow. Please for the love of god help me study."

"Take more deep breaths," she told him. He did as instructed. "Alright. What's the topic?"

"Caring for the animals in the aquarium by giving them toys and stuff. Making their life more than being locked in a watery prison."

"Caring for animals. Good. You like that, don't you?"

"The problem isn't whether or not I like it. The problem is whether or not I can admit I like it, or how much I like it, to people I don't know."

"Answer my question. You like caring for animals, don't you?"

Kisame saw what she was aiming for. He cracked his knuckles. "Yeah. I do."

"Tell me how much."

"I…" The pressure was making him hesitate. I didn't hesitate when I didn't know it was an audition. Come on. I can do this. "I first got the idea when I heard about this octopus that likes to escape. I thought, 'I would escape too if I was as smart as an octopus and stuck inside a box all day.' Well, I mean… I am as smart as an octopus. So I totally understood why he would want to escape from a box. I saw myself in him. I thought, 'There has to be a way to give them better lives than this.'"

"So the core of your enthusiasm, the main reason why you like caring for animals so much, is empathy," Tammy said.

"Have you looked at me?" Kisame asked her. "I am a fucking shark. Of course I see myself in the animals we keep here. If I had fewer limbs, I would be in there."

Tammy gave him two thumbs up. "Good. Yes. Bring that up. The sincerity in your voice when you said that was perfect."

Kisame grinned. Alright, she's helping me put together a script. With a script, I can see myself doing this. "I've seen this octopus. He played with a shark friend of mine. A friend of my friend is my friend, and I don't want my friends to be in prison." Tammy gave him two more thumbs up. She was very encouraging. He went on, feeling bolder and bolder. "So I thought, 'Let's give them things to do. Toys to play with, objects to study. Some way to pass their days. Human prisons have libraries. Why don't animal prisons have something equivalent? That is the bare minimum I can do for my would-be neighbors.'"

Tammy held up a hand. "You're doing great. I recommend saying what you said just now. It's perfect."

He grinned harder. "Yeah, I think you're right. This was a great idea."

"Now. You've repeatedly said that the main problem you face is that you don't know the people you would be saying this to. Let's tackle that. Why is not knowing them a problem?"

"Well… The idea of giving toys to octopi when they escape sounds kind of stupid. And comparing animals to people, saying they should have libraries? I must sound like such a tree hugger." Kisame realized he was cringing. Where had all his boldness gone?

"A ha! You need to have established trust in another person before you can stop being afraid that they'll laugh at you."

"Yeah." Kisame pictured someone's face contorting as they tried to keep themselves from laughing during his speech, his words drying up and choking off as a result, himself failing in every way. "Oh fuck."

Tammy took his hand and held it in both of hers. "Hey. Hey. Look at me." He looked at her. "What do you need in order to handle that?"

"Some kind of protection. I'm imagining it now. I would be standing there stark naked. I wouldn't be able to do anything." He shivered.

"How about a human shield?"

He stared back at her. His shoulders, which he hadn't noticed were hunched, lowered. "You'd do that?"

Tammy nodded. "I knew someone who only faked excitement once, remember? I hated it, and that's why I became like this? That's why I would be happy to do this. Honestly, being around you when you're like you were just now would be enough of a payment."

Kisame had no words. There were no words that could express the overwhelming enormity of his gratitude. He squeezed her hand back and nodded solemnly. She grinned impishly. "I'm not invited officially, but they can't stop me from hanging around like any other citizen. What else can we do?"

Kisame remembered that Itachi would also be there. What was I so worried about? I'll be surrounded by friends. "Would you mind hanging out with Samehada? It only has to be part time - I just can't focus on him when I also have to be looking out for people. But I want to have him there."

"I would love to. I've never met him."

"Oh, shit. I'm glad I talked to you then."

Kisame realized his time was nearly up, so he thanked her and hurriedly ate his lunch. She elbowed him playfully and went back to her station. Kisame thanked his lucky stars that he had first taken that step, so long ago, of trying to visit other exhibits on his lunch break.

Kakuzu

*click* "And that's north of 200 dollars down the drain. Remind me why you felt the need to order a full dozen of these packs. Are we expecting to need more than two dozen weapons each?" Kakuzu swiveled around in his computer chair to shoot Konan a questioning eyebrow.

Konan, as usual, was unreadable. "Just in case."

"That's the weapons taken care of," Yahiko chirped. Between his accomplishment the night before, the progress they were making on the plan, and finally getting to see the inside of Kakuzu's house, he was very happy. "There was something else we were going to order, right?"

"A sword for Kisame. He'll need to be here for that."

"Alright! Can we go to the basking spot and make stones then?"

Kakuzu shot him a glare. "Slow the fuck down already. I've already spent my morning showing you how to use the punching bags, bringing the two of you to my house, and spending exorbitant amounts of money. You can wait for five fucking minutes."

"Sorry," Yahiko whispered.

Konan nodded. "I will spend some time with him to go over everything I know of how medical ninjutsu is practiced."

Kakuzu dressed slowly, stretching out the time it took to change into long, covering clothes that would keep insects off him for a glorious five minutes. After this, I am sitting down and reading a goddamn book. He then rejoined the others, and they all headed in the direction of the forest. Walking, of course.

"I can't wait!" Yahiko sounded like he was about to squee. "Oh, I just wish there was a real doctor around here. Jiraiya's girlfriend was training to be a doctor. If she was here, she'd know all about medical jutsu."

"No, she would be amnesiac just as you are," Konan said.

"Well, yeah, but as soon as she tried medical jutsu she'd know what to do. Her body would be all in tune with it from practice." Yahiko sighed wistfully.

"She doesn't have your chakra that can heal the body even when you're not using medical techniques," Kakuzu reminded him. "I'd say you're even."

"Hey, Konan? Why didn't my original learn medical ninjutsu?"

"There were several reasons. Firstly, Jiraiya sensei didn't teach us anything about it, not being a medical ninja himself. Secondly, there were no medical ninja around for you to apprentice to. Thirdly, we grew up during wartime. We needed to devote ourselves to fighting on behalf of those who could not defend themselves. There was no time. And lastly, medical ninjutsu has an unfair reputation for being a feminine pursuit, in part because kunoichi have an unfair reputation for being better skilled at chakra control than male shinobi."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad I can learn it now."

They reached the forest and entered it at a point where there was no official entrance. Yahiko's and Kakuzu's paces slowed as they stepped over plants and made their way around trees, but Konan breezed on like she'd been born in this forest. They followed her path and tried to keep up. "Are female shinobi typically better at chakra control than male shinobi?" Kakuzu asked, hoping to distract her and slow her down a little.

"We are encouraged to be. Our habits tend to lead us to practice it more than our male counterparts. But no, female shinobi do not have higher rates of innate talent. Many men are also good at chakra control."

"Like me?" asked Yahiko.

"Yes. You have a talent for it. Many kunoichi would only develop your level of skill through practice. As I have said, Jiraiya sensei gave us minimal practice in this area."

"What is my talent?" Kakuzu asked. He expected the answer to be brute strength.

"Hmm…" Konan took time to think about it. "Endurance. Even before you learned the Five Hearts Jutsu, you excelled as a tough shinobi who could take great punishment."

"What's your talent?" Yahiko asked.

Konan paused midstep. "My talent?"

"You make it sound like everyone has a special ninja talent. So what's yours? Is it chakra control? Chakra amount? Ferocity?" Yahiko chirped these questions innocently, unaware of any possible problem.

Kakuzu suspected he knew what her ninja talent was. If he was right, it should not be asked about so innocently. Konan resumed walking like normal, but her aura did not feel normal. "I have never thought about it before," she told them. "Give me time to think."

Kakuzu used her thinking time to draw alongside Yahiko and elbow him. Yahiko winced. "What?" he whispered.

"With great craziness comes great power," Kakuzu whispered back.

Yahiko needed a moment or two to get it. "You think that's her ninja talent?"

"I would bet it is."

Meanwhile, Konan walked on. Only after there had been silence for a long while did she reply. As they stepped out of the thick plant cover onto the relatively open soil surrounding the lake, she said, "The closest thing to a talent I can think of is my ability to self sacrifice."

Yahiko stopped in his tracks. "Sacrifice?"

"I am capable of doing things no other shinobi can do simply because no other shinobi is willing to risk that much." She looked over the lake. "Dedicate vast amounts of resources. Spend dangerous quantities of chakra. Face enemies I cannot hope to beat, knowingly and yet unwilling to devote any resources to protecting myself. Giving my all, completely and without reserve, to one last battle."

Is she talking about her death? Yahiko and Kakuzu exchanged a look. They silently agreed not to say anything more until and unless she did. They waited while she looked out over the lake.

Konan's fists clenched. "There is a possibility that only just now occurred to me," she said, her voice thick and barely containing the anger that lurked behind it. "Was it meant to be pointless?"

"Was what meant to be pointless?" Yahiko asked slowly.

She turned to face them at last. Her face would have frozen the blood of a dragon. They both took a step back. "My death," she answered, as if it should be obvious. "My opponent survived my attack only because of a jutsu that allowed him to rewrite reality, to make it so his death never happened. Now that I think of it while standing in this world, such a technique seems implausible. If it existed, why wouldn't everyone have it, or at least know of it? Why wouldn't countermeasures be developed to prevent it from overwriting reality? From this world, it reeks of a poorly thought out plot device."

"Plot armour," Kakuzu muttered. "It's an invisible, intangible, yet utterly impenetrable armour that prevents any character of critical plot importance from dying before their appointed death scene."

"So what? I had no more plot importance? Now that I had no more men in my life to support, I was a washed-up rinsed-out old rag?"

"Yep."

Paper rustled as she, seemingly without realizing it, formed paper claws over her fingers. Kakuzu began to sweat. Pissing her off is a great way to shorten my lifespan, seeing as how I don't have four hearts to spare. What the fuck was I thinking? He hadn't been thinking at all. Brutal honesty was just his style.

"I want to kill this person," she announced.

Yahiko stepped in front of Kakuzu, whose respect for him instantly increased tenfold, and held up his hands. "Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people do," he said. "But I don't think we can reach them from here. The best thing to do is let go of your anger and embrace the life you have now."

"Him," Konan corrected. "Only a man could have written such a plot."

"You're ignoring the point," Kakuzu said, stepping out from behind Yahiko. I can't let this kid hog all the glory. "Revenge fantasies are nice, but don't confuse your fantasies with reality. Else you might wind up killing someone on accident." He gestured at her claws.

Konan looked down and realized for the first time that she had made them. She unformed them promptly. Her aura shrank back so far that Kakuzu could no longer detect it. Before she turned away, he thought she looked a little pale. "That is a wise warning," she whispered, barely audible. Then she fled, darting across the lake to the point where the river joined.

Yahiko and Kakuzu followed her. They caught up with her some distance upriver. "Are you okay?" Yahiko asked.

"Are you?"

"Uh… I don't know what that means."

She glanced at him. "I nearly killed you once."

"I forgive you. You weren't yourself back then," Yahiko told her.

"No. I was myself. The problem is that you weren't."

"Huh?"

"I didn't realize until the last moment that it was you I was attacking."

"Oh." Yahiko's aura, too shrank back. A chill ran up Kakuzu's spine. She literally confuses her mental visions for reality? I thought I was exaggerating. The three of them arrived at the Hatake basking spot in silence. None of them could be sure what was true.

.

A/N: I had to stay up late to finish this thing. It was worth it. I like how it turned out. Kakuzu is so cool.

Hmm... A full dozen... Plans upon plans... The timing of it all...

I just hope it doesn't take another year.

See you next week!