A/N: I did promise!

Better post this fast before the wind knocks down a power line. See you all in the end notes.

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Itachi

Itachi made a good amount of money that night. At least, he thought he did. He was pretty sure. Though his box was sitting right next to him and he could easily check, he did not. He had much, much better news to concern himself with.

During a lull in visitors, Itachi smiled and played a few happy notes in celebration. I originally wanted to join this event because I was afraid of being in public after the succubus attack. Now I am not afraid at all, despite what Nagato said about the vampires. My fears are completely resolved. I can play in public again as I used to.

As time went on, the night seemed to be filled with more and more of the same. Happiness and joy abounded. The night seemed to be one of peace and relaxation. But, as usual, Itachi could not fully relax. His mind never relaxed except in sleep. Given the amount of storylike dreams he had, not even then.

He couldn't stop remembering what Nagato had said about the vampires.

General

The event officially ended at 8:30 pm. At that point, barriers were put across the parking lot entrances again and the various teams started to break down their tables. They had a lot of unexpected help: all Akatsuki members had stayed and were eager to help their friends. Yahiko, Deidara and Hidan helped Nagato with whatever they could. Kakuzu assisted Kisame, as did Sasori and Laurie, who seemed to show up out of nowhere. Konan observed everything closely. Itachi showed up when they were almost done. She glanced at him, then at Clay, then swept her gaze around the parking lot. Itachi realized what she had: our entire group attended this event.

"They did not publish a request for assistance in the group chat, but we all came anyway," he murmured. "We really are a family, aren't we?"

"You think that is a good thing?"

"So far, yes. Is there any reason I should not?"

"Our base of operations is completely unguarded and unmanned," Konan said gravely. "That is not good. We need to return as fast as possible."

"What danger do you imagine awaits us?"

"In this world, anything could happen." She spotted the people from the aquarium loading everything into one person's vehicle and went to them. She said nothing. She shot each of her people a look that compelled them to follow her.

"Is something happening?" Thank the gods, Kisame hasn't lost all sense of caution. Perhaps this group isn't descending into irrationality after all.

"Not as far as I know," Konan said. "But I don't and can't know very much, because there is nobody looking after our base. Had I known everybody was going to come here needed or not, I would have ordered somebody to stay home or left behind a paper clone. We must go back. Quickly."

The three most cautious members of the group, plus Laurie, did not question her reasoning. They followed her without complaint or hesitation to the front of the dog shelter. Yahiko and Nagato were talking with Nagato's boss there, while Deidara chatted with another volunteer and Hidan stood off to the side looking like a proud father. He stood up as she approached. "Whazzit?"

"We must go back to base. It has stood empty for several hours. That is a dangerous condition to leave it in, especially tonight."

"You think something's gonna happen?"

Konan could not have explained the prickling sensation running up and down her arms. She did not try. It did not even occur to her to try. She looked at Hidan as if he was very strange for even asking. Hidan went to get Deidara.

"Hey, I'm in the middle of something," Deidara protested. He let Hidan drag him away anyway. "Fine, hm. You'd better have a good reason."

"We need to go home," Hidan told him.

"Why?"

"Can't you feel it?" Konan asked.

Deidara stared back at her. He looked down at his arms. "Uh, nope."

Nagato and Yahiko came over, Nagato guiding Yahiko by one arm. "I wanna talk to some of the other volunteers," Yahiko said.

"You can talk to them some other time," Nagato told him. He turned to Konan. "So how is it? Everyone goes back using whatever method of transportation they used to get here?"

"He feels it. Perhaps your senses are less acute," Konan told Deidara.

"My senses of what?"

"Yes," she told Nagato. "With an exception for those of us who walked here." She pulled out the Return to Base seal and used it. In as long as it took a breeze to blow, she found herself standing in the front lobby again. The prickling sensation abated. She knew that whatever it was warning her of had not happened yet.

"See ya guys," Hidan said, doing the same. Itachi looked around at everyone, shrugged, and used his. The remaining Akatsuki members scattered for their methods of transportation. Deidara and Yahiko took to the air, Kakuzu to his truck, Sasori and Laurie across the road to the motorcycle, and Nagato and Kisame to their own vehicles.

"What's going on?" Laurie asked as Sasori started the engine. He pulled away from the shelter at great speed. "Why is everyone racing around all of a sudden?"

"I don't know why everyone else is," Sasori told her. "But something happened to me the weekend after I stole the supply sheet from the manager. I was talking with Deidara when all of a sudden I panicked. It was like a miniature panic attack, lasting all of five seconds. When I returned to the shop, he was on to me. Konan told me it's not unusual for people from her world to have premonitions, and I can believe it. If she says some feeling is telling her to get home ASAP, I'm running."

"But why? What could happen? Are the demons angry at you guys again?"

"I don't need to know why in order to do as I'm told."

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They all arrived. They parked. They went inside, where they found Hidan sitting on the desk and Konan pacing the hallways. She stopped when she saw them. "Ah, just in time."

Deidara and Laurie exchanged puzzled looks.

"For what?" asked Hidan.

One second passed. Two. Three. Hidan cried out and shivered violently. He looked around frantically. "What's going on? What is it?"

"Did something change just now?" Deidara asked.

Hidan paused. "I just got afraid all of a sudden. Which means…someone just showed up, and they need help!"

He went out the front door. In the parking lot stood four people. Nagato looked around. There were actually a lot more than four, but the rest kept to the shadows. Oh crap. I was right.

The four people stepped back, away from Hidan. Then one of them stepped forward again. On his shoulder perched a kitten. She hissed. He put a hand on her and said, "...Hello."

"You guys need help," Hidan exclaimed. "Come on, come on." He gestured for them to follow him back into the base.

"Hidan, I think these people are vampires," Nagato said.

"Oh, sorry." Hidan changed direction. "We'll go around."

The vampires and the Akatsuki met in the backyard. Well, the four brave vampires that were willing to be visible met them there. The rest presumably perched in the trees. "Ahem," Kakuzu called. "I don't feel like doing a damn thing in the dark. Let's get a fire going." He went into the forest and came back dragging a large fallen branch. He chopped it up with hardened forearms and piled some of it onto the rock. Nagato stepped forward and performed a quick fire jutsu to light the wood.

The kitten recoiled from the sudden light, hissing again. Samehada whined; Kisame put a hand on his back to stop him from trying to comfort the kitten. The vampire took her down from his shoulder and held her close. He looked at Hidan across the fire. "Why do you believe we need help?"

"I can feel other people's feelings," Hidan whined, shifting from foot to foot. "The collective anxiety I'm picking up here is like a lot. You guys are scared. What's going on? What do you need to stop feeling like this?"

Nagato jumped up from the seat he'd just taken. He sounds like he's about to panic! He grabbed Hidan's arm. "Hidan. Hidan. Sit down. Breathe." He dragged Hidan back to the porch to sit beside him. Hidan whimpered.

The vampire with the kitten blinked. He looked around at his fellows, who also looked confused. One more vampire slid down a tree and joined them. "Feel other people's feelings?"

"An incubus described that power as an example of soul sense," Itachi explained.

"He uses it to…?"

"No, it is not intentional."

The backyard descended into silence. The loudest sound was Hidan's gradually slowing breathing, then the fire's crackling. Finally, the vampire with the kitten cleared his throat. "My name is Kivi."

"Welcome," Konan told him, nodding respectfully. He must be Soye's right hand man. "I am Konan. Hidan and I jointly lead this group, which is called the Akatsuki."

More silence.

Hidan shook his head to clear out the last of the brain fog. "Hold up. You guys are vampires?" He got to his feet and looked around. The vampires tensed. A very dangerous moment passed. Then Hidan broke out into a grin. "You came! Fuck! Hahaha!" He turned to Nagato. "You said they would! Fuck yeah! Awesome!" He broke out into a Tobi dance.

Kivi's jaw hung open. "We are welcome here?"

Hidan crossed the backyard faster than anyone thought possible and grabbed his arm. "Come on, come on, you have no idea how much I've been looking forward to this!" He dragged Kivi to the porch and invited him to sit. "How have you guys been? Come on! Tell me everything!"

"Wait, you've met them before?" Laurie asked.

"No, but also yes," Hidan replied. "They're kinda my family. See, I came to this place near the abandoned houses, and that's where they live, so they've been watching over me ever since and I feel all safe and shit and woohoo!"

Kivi tried to speak several times before succeeding. "That is not what we did."

"I said it is, so it is," Hidan declared. "Also, Konan told me I have some kind of need to drink blood. So we're related that way, too."

"You do?" Laurie asked.

"Oh yeah. That's what Other Me does when I have fugues."

"Fugues?" one of the other vampires, a woman, exclaimed. "You mean you don't remember?"

"I feel other animals' feelings, too," Hidan explained. "That's kind of a problem. So I can't drink blood and remember it." He paused. "Except for that one time when I tried to, and made it all happen super fast and it was a really small critter so it wouldn't be overwhelming. The taste of it was like…" He shrank in on himself. "Like I totally understand why you guys are scared of people like me."

Kivi's arms loosened. The kitten fell into his lap. She got to her feet indignantly, fur bristling. Kivi was completely relaxed, so, sensing no threat, she began to groom herself. "You understand?"

"Yeah," Hidan said. "It felt like all of me was shot up with lightning, but like, good lightning. It must have been like what sharks feel in a frenzy. I wanted so strongly to have more and, like… I get why you wouldn't want to be around that. I'm glad I was alone." He stared off into the forest. "But it felt so good, like I was really alive in a way I've never been… I want…" He trailed off. "But I can't. I would feel it." Tears leaked out of his eyes and rolled down his face. He sniffled.

Kivi watched and said nothing. Such yearning… Even at my hungriest, I've never wanted blood so badly I would cry for it. This must be what they meant.

The vampire woman curled her fists. "So you are bloodthirsty."

Hidan curled up, wrapping his arms around his knees like a child. Any defense of him would have to be mounted by others. "Do not twist sincere appreciation of his own nature into a personal fault," Konan ordered, eyes glowing. "If he denied any pleasure in activities his very mind and body were built to perform, he would be lying, and that would be more dishonorable than any degree of bloodthirstiness."

"Wanting blood so badly makes him a menace," the woman said.

"Hey." Another of the vampires that had stood in the open with Kivi shook his head. "I've felt pretty menacing when I was hungry."

"That was legitimate hunger."

Konan shot to her feet. "Did you just call my mate illegitimate?"

"Stop!" Hidan yelped. He got to his feet and embraced Konan, pulling her back down. "I love hunting. So fucking sue me. Love isn't wrong. I love you guys, too." He let go of Konan and turned to Kivi. "I've got to know everything about this adorable fuzzy little one. How'd you two meet?" He held out a finger. Mraa bit it. He laughed.

"I found her wandering our territory after dark," Kivi said.

"After I dumped her," Kakuzu added. "Because making an annoying kitten follow me around all day was the demon kid's idea of an April Fool's Day prank."

"Ignore Kakuzu," Hidan told Kivi. "He's a big grump."

"I…" Kivi swallowed. "I never thought you would be this easy to talk to."

"I'm nothing but easy to talk to. Some people think I'm a little too easy. Right, Kisame?"

"Watch out," Kisame told Kivi. "If you're not careful, he'll smooth talk you right into believing the world is a safe and happy place."

"Hey, it totally is!"

"Not in the middle of fucking wartime."

"Let me talk to the people in charge of the war and there won't be one anymore. I can fucking promise that."

"He actually can," Kisame muttered. "Sweet Jesus."

"I'm kinda super charming," Hidan confidently told the vampires. "I can make any idea sound better than anyone else could make it. I mainly use this to convince people to stop being such lame asses and just go for that damn raise, or leave that relationship, or go for that relationship, or pick the phone up and swallow your pride and apologize because you know you want to. What the fuck is up with people not fucking doing things because they're scared? I hate scared!" Hidan growled. "Well, maybe I don't hate it, exactly. I just see it as my job to oppose it all the time whenever I can."

Kivi was rendered speechless again. "You're the opposition to fear?"

"Yeah, one of 'em." Hidan elbowed Nagato aside until he could reach Yahiko and drag him over. "People like Sunshine here got the rest covered. Have you met Sunshine? You have to, he's amazing!"

"He's met me," Yahiko said. "But thank you for introducing me again. Hi!" He waved at all of the vampires.

While this discussion had taken place, more vampires had crept down from the trees into the firelight. Eleven were visible now. Sasori raised a hand. "Excuse me. I have something to say." He cleared his throat and readjusted his scarf, which was double knotted around his neck. "Is there a reason why you all came here? A reason we might need to know about? I doubt all of you just wanted to hang out with Hidan."

"We're not going to get caught in the middle of a vampire civil war, are we?" Kisame asked.

"No!" The vampire woman looked all around. "This place is safe, isn't it?"

"It'd better be," another vampire muttered.

"It's safer than our own lands tonight," a third vampire said.

"This is because of that crackdown we heard about, isn't it?" Nagato realized.

"What crackdown?"

Nagato facepalmed. "Oh god, we are an incoherent mess." He lowered his hand. "Yeah, so, what Yahiko and I found out that night that we went around pretending to be a documentary crew is that Soye actually wasn't very worried about the vampires who oppose her and want to kill her. She was a lot more worried about her own supporters, who were going rogue and attacking people. We heard there was going to be a crackdown on the roving gangs of zealots. That crackdown is tonight."

"Anybody who didn't want to go to battle was advised to get out of the way," Kivi added.

"Fuckers!" Hidan snorted. "When is anyone going to get that nobody wants violence and crazy shit? Nobody. At all. I don't care who. They don't want it."

"Sounds like there are plenty of people who do," Kakuzu muttered.

"No, I mean, violence and shit splits everything apart. It's not supposed to be apart. That's all wrong!"

"Are you talking about the gods?" Nagato asked. "Like what we talked about that one time, how the gods are like colors and they are different from each other but you can't tell where one ends and another begins?"

"Like that!" Hidan exclaimed. "You're a genius." He paused. He blinked. "What were we talking about?"

"Crackdowns. So, how long can we expect it to last? Just this one night, or more?" Nagato asked the vampires.

Kivi whispered to himself, "What…?"

It took a long pause before any other vampire was able to speak. "Just this one. We hope," the vampire woman said.

"After the crackdowns, what's going to happen to her opposition? The ones who've been meeting in secret alleyways?"

One of the vampires hissed. "Presumably another night of pursuit and violence."

"No," Yahiko said. "That wouldn't work. You can't use violence to enforce a message of peace and togetherness."

"You can, however, use force to compel people who would not otherwise agree into listening to you," Konan replied. "You have seen me do so with Kakuzu. Is that wrong?"

"Well… All you made him do was loan us his truck."

"It was how I convinced him to join this group in the first place."

"But… But… It was different," Yahiko protested. Konan shrugged. She had not intended to seriously question his point. She was only playing Devil's Advocate.

"As the recipient of said force," Kakuzu said, glaring in Konan's direction, "I can confirm that it was not threatening. She did not lead me to believe I would be hurt or killed if I didn't go along with her plan. She just looked so intimidating that my willpower dissolved."

"I never specified what kind of force," Konan said. "Force of weapons can never enforce a message of peace; I agree with that. But force of will can. Does Soye have the will to make her opponents bow down? That's the only question that matters. Without such a will, she cannot succeed."

Kivi nodded. "She does."

"Then all is well." Konan crossed her legs. "Sadly, it is the middle of the workweek. Many of our members will have to go to sleep soon. But there are several of us that can stay up."

Hidan punched the air above his head with both fists. "Social hour with vampires! Who's with me?"

Hidan

Almost everybody who didn't have a job to go to the following day was. Itachi declined, saying his sleep was very important. Deidara volunteered to drive Laurie home, and received Nagato's keys in reply. Hidan, Konan, Kakuzu and Yahiko stayed in the backyard. The fire was low, so Kakuzu put more of the branch on it.

The vampires seemed to have little to say. Hidan frowned. Why are they so awkward? I was told that they had centuries' worth of stuff to talk about. "C'mon guys. I know you have stuff to say to me."

"Much of it concerns topics you could not stand to hear or would forget," Konan told him.

"I don't care." I just want to talk! They're not gonna waste our precious time together sitting around doing nothing, are they? We might only have this one night.

Kivi picked up his kitten and stroked her fur. "You are more...human than we expected."

Konan was right. A shiver went up Hidan's back at those words and his mind went blank. He blinked furiously. "I know," he muttered. "It fucking sucks. Let's talk about something else."

"I have a topic!" Yahiko called out. "Do you guys keep track of events happening in town? Today, we were at a public relations thingy the dog shelter was hosting. It was really nice. The aquarium was there, and they got a lot of donations for this new program they're gonna be implementing."

"What new program?" asked a vampire who had not spoken before.

"They're gonna change the way the aquarium is designed, add some toys to the tanks, whatever they can to make it more exciting for the animals."

"You're kidding." The vampire raised an eyebrow. "Have I stepped into an alternate universe where people actually care about fellow living creatures?"

"Yes."

The vampire stared at Konan for a while before realizing she was serious. "What?"

"Oh, that reminds me!" Yahiko slapped his knee. "Hidan, you would love what we found in the library!" He went on to describe the reference room.

Hidan restrained the impulse to fall on his back laughing until Yahiko made it clear he was done. Then he let loose. While he rolled around, Kakuzu used many examples of non-family-friendly language. The vampires stared.

Hidan sprang up from the ground. "I want my own ghost bookshelf! And the phone number of the leading expert on those beetles that are tiny flamethrowers!"

"Do you think there are ghost books in this world?" Yahiko asked. "I would gladly give them a home. Oh my god. Orphaned book ghosts. I've never heard of anything so sad before!"

Hidan held up a hand. "Hold it. We gotta ask the expert. HEY DICKFACE!"

"Hi hi!" The vampire woman jumped a couple feet in the air at the sound of the demon boy right next to her. He gave her a theatrical bow.

"You look after ghosts," Yahiko said. "Are there such things as ghost books? And if there are, do you look after them?"

"I dunno, and I dunno. I haven't seen any." The boy tilted his head. "What makes a book alive? Can you resurrect them? If you do, are you a necromancer? What would happen if you used book necromancy on one of those magic evil books?" His eyes widened.

"If you use book necromancy in the same library as a grimoire, would it wake up and become a book poltergeist with magic powers?" Hidan asked. "A curse from beyond the grave, and the only way to lift it is by exorcising the book that cast it! But the only exorcism spell powerful enough is in that same book! Dun dun dun!"

"And he didn't even know he was performing book necromancy," the boy exclaimed. "He thought he was just transcribing historical records. He didn't know they were coming alive."

"But someone knew. Someone has to, or else the story doesn't work." Hidan put a hand on his chin. "A grizzled detective, tired of taking case after case that's more than it seems. What seems to be a simple murder leads him to a lost grimoire that may be back from the dead. He races to find its summoner, only to find a completely innocent man! The detective and the historian must team up and combine their skills to make the book give up its ghost before it rips out theirs."

The demon boy clapped. "Yay! Which one of us gets the royalties?"

"Well, someone has to write it first."

"Hey, we know a writer person."

"We do?"

"Yeah."

"Oooh. We do." Hidan chuckled. "Do you think that would make the plot of the story come to life? Would we get to meet the grizzled detective? I call it right now that he's bi and he and the historian have a romantic air between them." Hidan sighed. I love stories with romantic tension between male leads.

"Who and what are you?" asked the vampire woman.

"You're late to the party, aren'tcha? I'm a demon! I live right down the road, at the Abandoned Hospital People Zoo. I have ghosts. They're dead!"

"There are no such things as ghosts," Kivi said.

Hidan burst out laughing. Konan smiled. Yahiko giggled. Kakuzu shook his head. The demon boy grinned and turned to liquid, sending waves of inky darkness coiling around Kivi's body. Then just as quickly, it flowed away and turned into a flock of bats that rushed toward him. They settled on his body wherever they could find space to cling. He tried to fight them off, but his hands passed right through them.

"Let him go," Hidan said. The bats dispersed. They resumed the demon boy's usual appearance. He was grinning. Hidan ruffled his hair. "Nice!"

"In other words, you're wrong," Kakuzu said. "Don't say that anything doesn't exist around here. It's a bad bet."

"I literally just finished describing a ghost bookcase that I really saw," Yahiko said. "How could ghosts not exist?"

"Bit slow on the uptake, aren'tcha?" Hidan asked Kivi.

Kivi was, once again, speechless.

"Where's your friend?" Hidan asked the demon.

"He's right over there." The boy pointed to Kivi's righthand side, where nobody had noticed a black-haired toddler sitting. Kivi nearly startled out of his skin. Hidan patted the toddler on the head, too.

"These two are kind of my adopted kids," he told Kivi.

"He's a demon tho," Kivi gasped.

"That's why. If he wasn't, we wouldn't have so much to talk about."

"Can I…?" Yahiko held his hands out and shook them, hoping his desire was obvious. The toddler stopped sucking his thumb, got up, walked over and sat in Yahiko's lap. Yahiko grinned more brightly than anyone had thought possible and held him close.

"Aww. You're a good mom," said the demon boy.

Yahiko stiffened and flushed. But then he glanced around, took a deep breath, and forced himself to relax. "Th-thanks."

"What the fuck is going on with you people?" several of the vampires asked.

Hidan gave them a thumbs up. This did not answer the question at all. He knew it didn't. Yet, as the vampires stared at him, they relaxed. "Do you have any other kids we should know about?" Kivi asked.

The night was very, very good.

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A/N: The story idea presented here is based on one my father and I developed as he was driving me home from the library one day. It was about a ten minute drive. We're both writers, so stuff like this comes naturally. I do not know if I will ever get around to writing it. I have all our thoughts saved in an email I sent to myself just in case. If anyone reading this wants to take their own crack at writing it, honestly, feel free. I am rather good at generating ideas, but not so at implementing them myself.

I perceive a very big difference between "though" and "tho" in execution. "Though" is more complete and is used to cap off a complete thought. "Tho" is the version to use when the sentence is incomplete, as in the case of a confused vampire who has a lot more questions but could only ask this one. Using "though" would just have felt wrong. Or at least it did when I was writing that part. It doesn't now. I'll leave it in anyway.

Yay! Social hour with vampires!