A/N: It looks like this site is rolling out a new feature where email notifications are automatically disabled every so often. You have to go to your account settings and re-enable them. My gratitude to Matheus Bezerra for spreading the news.

And now for a chapter where things happen.

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Kakuzu

"Why is everybody so friggin' interested…" Kusa grumbled.

Kakuzu lowered the map. "Because he's a vampire. Add a vampire as a contact, expect interest." He raised the map and resumed mentally tracing lines between the different locations marked on it. The 3 gas stations appeared to be the only unusual geographical phenomenon, as far as he could tell. The library, the bar, and the museum didn't occupy special places or form any special shape. He pulled out his phone and said so in the group chat, adding that he was keeping the map and bringing it home anyway.

Kusa played some game on his phone while waiting for his vampire friend to respond. He showed no interest in talking with Kakuzu. Why do I feel like that's strange? It's only been a month since I started living in this group. I shouldn't be used to it yet.

The vampire responded. Kusa waited for Kakuzu to get out some form of notetaking device, then read off a rather long list of directions based on landmarks. After writing them down, Kakuzu went through them and mentally visualized the route. "Thanks." He got up and left. Time was not to be wasted.

Kakuzu tied his scarf tightly around his neck before stepping out of his truck. He followed the winding route and entered a ramshackle house that looked just like all the others. He stomped on the floor. This house, unlike the other one, had all its curtains tightly drawn. The few windows without curtains had been boarded up. There was no system of wires to remotely operate the curtains. Oh, so that's it. She figured out a way to safely use sunlight as part of her defenses. Clever girl. Kakuzu could admire anyone who turned their greatest weakness to their advantage.

The vampire came up from the basement freely and easily, showing no caution. "What's up?"

He's a kid. Kakuzu fought the urge to say something condescending about preferring to speak with a grownup. "I'd rather not wait until nighttime to find out what's happening among your people. Is there still violence? How's your political situation? Who is in charge?"

"Soye is." The vampire shivered. "Talking with humans has definitely not made her soft. There are still some people who disagree about vampirics, but they take their questions to Kivi since he's actually met vampirics. Everyone who joined the gangs is on super punishment detail. They pick up garbage now. Everyone who hung back and didn't take a side, like me, is effectively promoted. Soye and her closest people visit sometimes, and listen to us, and we don't have to pick up garbage. It's kinda cool."

"It sounds like your conflict has ended."

"Yeah. We're not fighting anymore. You guys don't have to worry about battle."

"Good." Kakuzu wondered if he should say more, or leave now. He wasn't a fan of chatting just to chat, but there were some things he knew that the vampires might like to know. Was it acceptable to share them?

Before he could ask in the group chat, the vampire asked, "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

To hell with it. Even if I have gotten used to this group, it doesn't own me. "You said that attitudes towards vampirics have softened now that some of you have actually spoken with vampirics. What about Jashin sama? Have attitudes towards him changed at all?"

"I think most people just don't think about it. It's not really a comfortable topic, you know?"

"You might want to get comfortable talking about your gods, real fast." Kakuzu pulled out the map and pointed at the 3 gas stations. "What do these gas stations look like to you? And what does the town look like?"

"...Oh."

"Yeah."

"...What are the other places?"

"Library containing reference materials from other worlds, bar where hypnotic soul-stealing demons hang out, and museum housing haunted and/or cursed artifacts."

"...Okay."

"Has Kivi talked about the haunted hospital at all?"

"Not that I've heard."

"It's right down the road from us. Oh, and the church is haunted too." Kakuzu marked the church.

"Is this, like, important?"

"Why don't you take it to someone with the authority to make that decision and let me know." Kakuzu refolded the map, returned it to his coat pocket, and left. I've met with the vampire, he told the group chat. Their political situation has stabilized. Soye is still in charge. Her doubters are falling into line. Attitudes towards vampirics are changing, but attitudes towards Jashin sama are not. That might change now that I showed him the map. I told him about all the places marked on it, not just the gas stations.

Nagato sent a smiley emoji in reply.

Konan

After Deidara explored the museum, the flow of messages slowed. Konan found herself with a lot of downtime. She spent it thinking of Madara and Zetsu. Her heart pounded. It was easy to think of them as old enemies from her world, but the prospect of seeing them again made her hair stand on end.

She attempted to soothe herself by leaning into her fears. The process of being world cloned will change them. Who could have imagined Kakuzu as a protector, or Deidara as a good friend and confidant? They will be very different from the Madara and Zetsu I knew. Let me see… Zetsu was a spy in my world, so he will probably be an asocial loner in this one, very similar to Itachi. Madara… How could someone like Madara ever change… Especially when his ideas have already become dominant in this world… Visions of Madara as he squeezed the life from her flashed before her eyes. Konan swallowed to loosen her throat. How would she ever look at those gloved hands without flinching?

And how would she tell them about their originals? Unlike Yahiko, Zetsu and Madara were very perceptive. They would see that she was uncomfortable around them. Someone, perhaps Nagato or Itachi, might work out that Madara's original was behind her death. Then what? How will they react, and what will I do? I will need to be honest, straightforward and open. "Yes, your original and I fought. It was my last battle." They will likely get distracted by something else, or consider it less important than I consider it. A cause of awkwardness, and nothing more. After dying, how can I fear mere awkwardness?

She tried her best, but dread still filled her at the thought of seeing them again.

Hidan

Hidan sensed her dread. It hit him like a hammer as he walked into the lobby. The grin slipped off his face immediately. Yahiko ran up to Konan and started babbling about how great an idea this was, as well as praising Nagato and making him blush, so nobody noticed. Hidan closed his eyes and let himself get a bit drifty. Ugh. Joy and dread were not meant to mingle like this. It feels gross.

"Have you seen Kakuzu's message?" Konan asked Nagato. He nodded. "What do you think of it?"

"I think it was a great idea to share some of our information with them. It's timely, relevant to them, doesn't cost us anything or pose any risk, and shows we're willing to work towards a deeper, more trusting relationship."

"I wondered if it could be taken as an imposition. They have just suffered a massive upheaval because of our words, and now we force more words on them? Some of them will not like it. I hope your perspective prevails."

"Oh. I didn't think of that."

"I liked the part where they're changing their minds from talking to me," Hidan said. "They should have talked to me before. Would've solved so many problems."

"We'll deal with whatever happens when it happens," Yahiko said. "So… Now that we've done the scouting, there was something else we wanted to do, right?"

"Keep practicing, hold more training battles, and make an anti-jerk plan," Nagato recalled. "In case the world clone of that megalomaniac Konan was scared of shows up here."

Oh, that's why she's feeling like this. "You guys stay here and greet everyone else. Let them know we're having a meeting tonight to make anti-jerkwad plans. Imma talk with Konan in private about the most likely jerks and what their world clones might be like. It could be hard to talk about, so, no interruptions." Nagato and Yahiko agreed.

On their way to Konan's room, she whispered, "You must have sensed how I felt when you came in."

"You've been thinking about him, haven'tcha?"

"Yes. I've been thinking about his world clone. I don't know what I dread more: that he may be the same as his original, or that he may not be." Konan stopped outside her door.

"Why?"

"If he is the same as his original, well… You know what that would mean. But if he is not, then I will have to face an innocent man and treat him as a friend, all while remembering my past." She shuddered. "That might be more difficult than fighting him in all-out battle."

"This isn't normal 'getting over your first impression' difficulty, is it? He really fucked you up."

"I might as well admit it now. He was responsible for my death." Konan touched her throat. "I don't know how I will look at those hands and not…"

"Oh, yeah, that's even worse. He also played with your mind, right?"

"For years. Mine and Nagato's."

They went inside and sat on her bed. Hidan took the paper frog down from its shelf and handed it to her. "I've got a script you can use."

"Please."

"'I'm sorry if I seem distant. Your original and I were enemies. I understand you are different from him, but it's hard not to remember.'"

"Do you really think that would defuse the tension?"

"If there's one thing I've learned from striking up conversations with complete strangers in random places, it's that people are a lot more forgiving then the stereotypes would have you believe."

"When should I use this script? Before troubles arise?"

"Eh… Don't spring it on him instantly. Wait until there's some reason to say, 'I'm sorry if I seem distant.' After he's figured out that something's going on, but before any serious problems happen."

"Thank you."

"What if he is an assface? What kind of assface was he? Did he lure you in by pretending to be your friend and then manipulate you, or use authority, or hide in the shadows until he found someone vulnerable?"

"Mainly the third. He approached us once and made it seem as if he had answers to our questions. Yahiko was still alive then; it was Yahiko who brushed him off. He backed down, but made it clear that he would still be around if we ever wanted to reconsider. Then, when Yahiko died, he appeared again and asked us to reconsider."

"Seed planting, making himself seem like an authority, and targeting the vulnerable. This guy's good. Kisame was right; we're gonna have to be serious if we want to stop him. I'm seeing two main strategies we should pursue: have someone already in the position of 'person who knows things and provides answers' so that this guy can't take over that position, and eliminate vulnerabilities. There should be nobody who's lost and confused and alone for him to take advantage of."

"Strategy number one has already been accomplished."

"It has?"

"Yes. Just take my word for it. I'm not sure you are allowed to learn how."

Man! I hate not getting to know shit, even when it's for a good reason! Hidan pouted. "What about strategy two?"

"Strategy two seems successful so far. Have you detected any problems among our group?" Hidan shook his head. "There may be some among our allies, and god forbid he manages to secure a meeting with the vampires. Forget what I said earlier. Strategy two needs significant work. You must use every tool at your disposal to win over the vampires and secure their trust."

Hidan nodded. "On it."

Konan handed him the paper frog. He put it back. "There is one more thing you must know. He did not act alone. He had an accomplice: a perfect spy who could follow anyone nearly anywhere without their knowledge. This man cannot be defeated through superior knowledge."

"In this world, neither can we." Hidan held up his cellphone. "This baby has the power to kiss 80 percent of all plots based on stupid misunderstandings bye-bye. I'd say we're pretty good at using it that way."

"We should become better. There still are misunderstandings and lapses in communication among our group."

"Hold a sec. We might be incoherent, but everybody and everything is in this world. He wouldn't be immune to that."

"He's only a single person. The specific kind of incoherency we suffer from gets worse the more people are included in it. One plotter who specializes in targeting well-placed individuals would be minimizing his incoherency."

"Shit, so that would actually be his advantage. Fuck."

"Hidan? Have you noticed?"

Hidan checked. "You're not filled with dread anymore."

"You have done wonders to reassure me that I am not alone and he is not all powerful. Thank you."

"Hey wait a second. What you said earlier - you meant I'm in that position! People trust me to tell them what's what. That's a big responsibility. You really think I could go toe to toe with this guy?"

Konan nodded. "He is only a pretender. You are the real deal."

"Aw, thanks."

"Now let's spread this feeling of hope to everyone else."

General

"This is the basic plan. Does anyone have anything to add to it?"

Deidara raised a hand. "In your world, he had an accomplice and shadows to hide in. In this world, he might not have those things. I propose that you tell us what he looked like so we can keep an eye out for him and check to see what he does and doesn't have."

Deidara's idea was sensible. It was always wise to know the enemy's resources. Nagato, Kakuzu and Kisame all agreed with him out loud, and nobody protested. Hidan looked to Konan. What would she decide?

Konan hesitated. She looked into the fire, not meeting anyone's eyes. "This plan is for the worst case scenario: the scenario where he is an enemy. If Itachi's correct about what kind of story this is, the odds are poor that he will actually be any kind of villain. If he is not, he will still be very perceptive, and sensing that everyone he met was keeping a secret from him and treating him as a potential enemy would have bad consequences."

"Yeah, 'tell us what he looks like so we can judge a complete stranger before he does anything' really doesn't sound like a good plan," Yahiko agreed. "It feels wrong."

"I am of two minds," Itachi said. "On the one hand, I agree with Yahiko. None of us have memories of any manipulative person, so he would not have memories of us. We would be making snap judgments about a complete stranger, which I generally think of as bad. On the other hand, being blindsided by such a person would be very bad." He tilted his head. "But if we go back to the first hand, the best strategies for combating his brand of manipulation are ones that do not involve direct engagement with him. Never mind. My mind is made up. I agree entirely with Yahiko."

"Okay," Nagato said. "I trust both of you. I may have been overly cautious."

"What if he does have an accomplice though?" Deidara asked.

"We were already making plans based on the assumption that he'd be at full power," Hidan replied. "If he has less power to find and take advantage of the vulnerable than we expected, whoop de doo, we didn't lose anything by helping all our friends feel too secure and cared for."

"I just thought, in my duties as counterweight, I should ask, yeah."

"You're doing a top notch job, Barbie."

"What do we do if he gets to the vampires?" Kisame asked. "That's the worst of the worst case scenarios, as far as I can tell."

"We were already preparing for battle," Konan said.

"So we don't have to start doing anything new. Good."

"If this guy shows up and we don't recognize him, you will tell us that he's around, right?" Kakuzu asked.

Konan looked down. "If he is a friend, I may keep that information to myself. At least at the beginning, so that nothing is jeopardized."

"I'm sure everything'll be fine," Hidan said. "We're prepared, I know what to look for and how to fight it, and this is a nice story we're in. I'm sure everything will be just fine."

"Good to hear," Kisame said. "I have another question."

"Yes?"

"Where the fuck is Samehada?"

Crickets chirped. The fire crackled. Hidan raised his head. "HEY KID!"

"He's fine," a voice said from the treetops. "He'll be back tomorrow."

"I am going to have some harsh words," Kisame growled.

"Kisame." Itachi smiled. "It's understandable that you would be protective of him. But Samehada is his own shark, and more than capable enough to be recognized as an independent group member. His lack of access to the group chat is unfortunate, but he is also the most armored of any of us. You should trust him not to come to any harm."

Kisame tried to respond, but couldn't. Hidan got up and hopped over to touch his shoulder. "Feels more like hurt," he reported. Kisame growled and slapped his hand away. "And also embarrassment."

"Invoking house rule number two now," Kakuzu announced.

"Aw man." Deidara pouted. "So, Sasori, how's your project going?"

"I am forcing myself to sit here through willpower." Half his mind was still back in his shed. Visions of machinery danced in his head.

"Give up," Kisame told him. Sasori leaped to his feet and disappeared.

"Don't we still have training battles to plan, yeah?"

"Let's decide on matchups now," Nagato said. "We can decide what time the battles will be held, where, and any other parameters later. For now, just the matchups."

They decided that Nagato would fight Itachi, Yahiko would fight Sasori, and Kakuzu would fight Kisame. "What about Samehada?" Hidan asked.

Kakuzu got a strange look on his face. "You know, his scales must protect him well from paper cuts…"

"His only attack is biting though, and she can fucking fly, yeah."

"I know. It wouldn't be a training battle, but it would be a hell of a lot of fun."

"Why the fuck not?" Hidan asked. "We like having fun around here. A joke battle just for entertainment. Fuck yes!"

"I can restrict myself to the ground," Konan offered.

"No, Samehada just got declared a fully independent group member." Kakuzu's eyes glittered. "Let's see what he can do about an enemy that flies."

"It doesn't sound that interesting, yeah."

"Okay, you're getting a little too good, Barbie. Dial it down."

"I'm serious, yeah. She's going to spend the whole battle circling him in the air because there's no way she can get serious and land a strike that could hurt him. There aren't any surprises."

"Dei."

Kisame's voice was as sharp as his new sword. Deidara leaned back slightly. "What, yeah?"

"You fucking insult Samehada and call him helpless again, I will smack you. That does it. I'm on board."

Hidan threw both hands in the air and cheered. "Fuck yeah! Woohoo!" His cheering echoed off the trees.

"Was I saying that?" Deidara asked. "Oh man, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean -"

"What are you so happy about?"

All of them stopped whatever they had been doing and turned to look over Konan's left shoulder. The mysterious voice had come from that direction. Well, mysterious to most of them. "Soye," Konan said, rising. "I was wondering when you would come."

A woman leaped down from a tree, landing lightly on the grass. "My question remains unanswered."

Hidan shot to his feet. "We were just planning training battles so that everyone here learns to fight. We just decided that Samehada, who is a landshark, will fight her!" He pointed to Konan. "It's gonna be hilarious! His scales protect him from papercuts, and she can fly out of range of his bite! They're the worst enemies."

"It sounds boring to me."

"Shut the fuck up, Barbie!"

"I mean, I'm not doubting that Same can do things, yeah. But against her? That's just unfair. I'm not saying that because I think he's helpless. I'm saying that because he doesn't have any legs. He probably can't even jump, and we're asking him to fight a flying enemy? If anyone did that to me, I'd feel like they were setting me up to be a laughingstock, yeah. It's cruel."

Hidan's enthusiasm wilted. "Okay, fine. We propose it to Samehada when he gets back tomorrow and see what he thinks. I just wanted to see how it would turn out. I wasn't proposing public humiliation."

Deidara made a face. "How could anyone not take it as public humiliation?"

"Why does he have to be so good at his job?" Hidan asked Konan.

Konan turned to Soye and explained, "Deidara has fallen into the role of counterweight. He tends to think in ways that oppose how Hidan and I think. By questioning our decisions, he brings balance to the group." Behind her, Deidara sat up as straight as he could and grinned.

Soye looked Hidan up and down. "Did you ask him to fill this role?"

"Nah, it's like she said. He just fell into it. He was wondering one day what his role was, and someone pointed out that he questions us a lot."

"And you listen?"

"Yeah. Usually I'm still right, but it makes us think more about our positions and get a better understanding of what's going on."

"Mhm. And what is your stance on vampires?"

"You're like family to me."

"And what is your stance on the god you represent?"

Hidan's face went blank. His train of thought vaporized. He blinked once. As his eyes opened, it felt like emerging from a brief sleep. His train of thought ran smoothly in some new location. "Did you say something?"

Konan shook her head. Soye pursed her lips. "I see. Well, then. Best wishes to your…landshark." She leaped back up into the trees and disappeared.

"Yay! More vampire friends!"

"I think that went very well," Konan said, smiling. She turned around. "Thank you, Deidara." Deidara grinned back.

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A/N: The line, "I am of two minds" reminded me of a funny comic I saw in a Reddit reaction video. It's a series of two-panel skits. The first panel is always a closeup on a Native American face, and the second zooms out to show the full context. It goes like this.

1: "Inside you are two wolves."

2: "Would you like a third?"

(Other Guy pats belly.) "No thanks, just the check."

1: "Inside you are two wolves."

2: (Performing an ultrasound)"I am very curious about the father."

1: "Inside you are two wolves."

2: (Other Guy is lying on a bed. His lower half is out of frame, but fur can be seen flying in that direction.) "I'm acutely aware!"

I love this one! I can't pick a favorite part. Oh man, whoever thought of this was a genius.

And "half his mind was still back in his shed. Visions of machinery danced in his head" was not intentionally written to evoke The Night Before Christmas, but after I wrote it it put that poem in my head and now I can't get it out.

References are awesome!

Happy Thanksgiving, and see ya next week! Hopefully more actual plot-moving events will happen. I would like that very much.