A/N: Shortest and most substantial chapter I've ever written for this story. Oh my goodness.

The Hidebehind is the name of a creature in my favorite video game, Dragonfable. It only appears in two quests: one where you go hunting for it, and one where hallucinations of it bother you as you go hunting for a related creature. Maybe I shouldn't use the word creature to describe it, because its description lists it as human. But its appearance is completely unique and resembles no other being in the entire game, and it generates hallucinations, which is also something that nothing else in the entire game does. I half want to leave it as a glorious mystery, and half want to be wrong about it only appearing in two quests. It's awesome. I'm gonna go back and play through that quest again so I can get the cape that looks like the Hidebehind clinging to my back. I can alternate between wearing that and wearing my Ominous Cloud Of Socks.

The above paragraph is not tangential, by the way. It is related to this chapter. There's a reason I named this chapter after this particular video game.

Hehe. Haha. Ahahahaha!

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Samehada

Samehada was starting to miss Human Cousin. So he made his way back to the river, slept in it, and set off downstream in the morning. It didn't take long at all to reach the lake, and he knew the way home from there. Finding his way back was really very simple.

Unfortunately, Kisame had already left for work by that time. But he left a note with Hidan. Hidan held it out at arm's length like a medieval town crier and proclaimed, "'I missed you buddy. I hope you had fun. Tell me all about it when I get back. And remind Hidan to tell you his idea for the matchups.' Oh shit, yeah! I had this great idea last night! Remember how we wanted to hold training battles where we fight each other?" Samehada nodded. "Well, most of the group paired up easily. You and Konan were the only ones left uninvolved. So I thought, why not have them fight? It wouldn't be a serious training battle, since you're both pretty much immune to each other's attacks, but it would be fun! Who knows what could happen?"

Samehada lolled his tongue out. He agreed completely. Could he catch a bird? Only one way to find out!

"Alright, lemme post it in the group chat for all to see. And…done." Hidan put his phone away. "Now what?"

He showed Samehada the video game room. He told Same about the nice vampire lady who had finally come for a visit, and about the haunted church. Samehada liked ghosts. "Oh, yeah, and we made plans in case that jerk who's trying to take over her whole world dies and ends up here," Hidan said. "He mainly takes advantage of people who are sad or scared, so our plan is to make sure there is nobody around here who's sad or scared. That's just in case his clone is a jerk, which he probably won't be."

Samehada made a questioning noise. Who was this?

"Hmm." Hidan tried his hardest to figure out what Samehada was asking. "You know how Kisame is all paranoid, even though he's not being threatened by anybody? Sasori had that talk with you about how people live in their minds and shit? Well, this guy in Konan's world is trying to do that to everybody. He likes to find vulnerable people and convince them that the world sucks and only he can fix it so they should help him take over the world. I think she said something about an illusion? Basically he just hates the real world and wants to live in a fantasy world, and he's doing his best to drag everyone else into the fantasy world with him. Majorly fucked up."

Samehada roared. Bad! World of mind no good, world of mind person bad bad bad. World of mind makes sick feeling. Sick, hurty, like oil on scales, bad!

"I hope his clone's different. I expect his clone to be different. It sounds like this guy lost someone and latched onto the idea of bringing them back instead of grieving. In our world, he wouldn't have been able to since we don't have that kind of power. So he should have grieved just fine. I wonder what he'll be like?"

They interrupted the lively discussion Konan and Kakuzu were having to find out. "Anything important on there?" Hidan said, pointing at the map.

"As far as I can tell, no." The map only showed the populated parts of town, so Konan had placed figures on the floor to represent the abandoned hospital and the lake. If she still couldn't find anything, there probably was nothing to be found. She agreed to talk more about the jerkface.

Once the three of them were safe in Hidan's room, she asked, "What more do you want to know about him?"

"What he'll be like if he's not a huge jerkface," Hidan answered. "What kinds of hobbies did he have, aside from trying to take over the world? Any interests? I do not believe that anyone, even a delusional megalomaniac, can be devoid of humanity. There has to be something in him that's cool."

Konan crossed her legs neatly. She looked down at the floor. She said nothing. Samehada felt her chakra draw inwards like a little hiding creature. He nuzzled her leg and made worried sounds.

"What's wrong?" Hidan asked. "Do you not want to talk about him because it's too painful?"

"I don't want anyone to know when his world clone appears," Konan answered. "Let this group consist of excited children who think the best of everyone. Although I know it would logically be best, I can't stand the thought of introducing paranoia and suspicion to you all. I want to believe that this wonderful innocence you all share can last."

Samehada trilled and crawled up onto the bed to lay his head in her lap. Human Cousin often said things like this. Samehada didn't understand why. Human Cousin usually said it as if he was happy, but could also say it sadly. Was it sad or happy? What did it mean?

Konan closed her eyes as she stroked his scales. "Samehada, be happy you are not human. Humans struggle to be happy. We always have to be planning for the future. We always have to consider dangers that don't exist now but might. You can be happy. You are safe from this curse. I am glad for you, and I envy you, and I am sad that I cannot be like you."

Envy? Was that it? But - but if the humans knew they were in a world of mind and that the world of mind was a bad place, why didn't they leave? Samehada thought that the humans believed the world of mind was somehow better than the real world. They must value different things than he did. Because if they didn't, why would they stay there?

"I dunno," Hidan said in answer to Samehada's confused warbles. "Controlling my mind to make it let go of bad stuff and stay with the good stuff comes easy to me."

"You are very fortunate," Konan told him. "Most people are helpless over their own mind."

"But how?"

"If that question had an answer, wouldn't philosophers have found it by now?"

Samehada shivered. Humans couldn't leave the world of mind? They couldn't come back to the real world? That was so sad! Samehada started to cry.

Hidan started to cry, too. "I hate that," he said. "Nobody should be helpless over their mind. I don't think anyone really is. I mean, you're using your own powers to convince yourself you don't have powers right now. But I can't convince anyone of that. And it's wrong. That kind of fucking hidebehind trickery is just fucking bullshit and lies and I hate it."

Samehada roared. World of mind BAD! His conviction to rescue Human Cousin increased. Tricks and lies would fall apart beneath his teeth!

Konan's brow wrinkled. Her face tightened. Her fingers curled and pressed into Samehada's scales. And when he was done roaring, Samehada tasted angry chakra coming off of her. It scared him. He got off the bed.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Hidan said to her. "The trap."

"Oh yes, I know the trap very well."

Konan

Konan went into town. She found Itachi in his usual spot at the southern gas station, playing for passersby. He kept playing after he saw her, and she waited until he was done. When he was done, she sat next to him and told him, "Give me all the information you and Ruta have about how to acquire mind medicine."

He pulled out his phone. While using it, he asked, "Have you decided to try it?"

"Yes. I was nervous about the prospect of yet one more thing influencing my mind in ways I couldn't control. But I've grown damn tired of living the way I do, too tired to harbor anxiety about change. It's time to see what happens."

Her phone made a noise. Itachi had sent her a text message. She thanked him. He nodded in reply. "Don't be afraid," he told her. "The mind is a flexible thing. It was always meant to change."

Konan thought about all the myriad meanings of that sentence on her way home.

Kisame

Kisame was called to mop up a spill at the stingray pool. He was told it had to be him. When he got there, he saw no excited children or any other party likely to splash too hard. He did see Tammy with a big grin on her face. "I didn't want to wait until the next time you happen to come here for lunch," she said while he mopped up the spill. "I've been doing some thinking over the weekend. I could stand to shake things up a bit. Give me your number."

First Laurie, now her. What is it with the helpful coworkers? Kisame figured he was going to end up doing so one way or another, so he might as well give her his number now. What do I do now? Invite her over, like we do with Laurie? But I haven't told her a damn thing about my ninja life, and I don't feel like starting.

"Thank you," she said. "Now we can hang out on two separate couches and chat away about inane gossip."

"I don't do gossip."

"You're missing out. One of the visiting vets who we hire occasionally to check on animals that need it is getting a new practice, so we'll have to find someone else. This is her last week."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The nice one, who always has her hair up in a ponytail."

"That lady's leaving?"

"She announced it several weeks ago. Everyone with a full time position here knows by now. But you wouldn't, would you? You don't do gossip."

"I guess a little bit of idle chit-chat would help me gather information…" Like a spy. But Other Me wasn't a spy. Other Me was an on-demand traitor. Being deeply embedded is the last thing he would've been. If I do this, I'm giving him the finger. "I'm in. You've got to tell me all the details. I, uh, don't know when I'll be free. When are you free?"

"I can make dinner with my phone on speaker. Anytime."

"Okay, I'll call you. Thanks."

Deidara

Deidara was in the library. He stared at the screen, on which he hadn't written anything for the past fifteen minutes. I am so doomed, yeah. There's nothing to put here. He'd already written down his military experience, about which he said as little as possible. Then what? Unemployed ever since I got home because I'm fucked up in the head? Yeah, that's something good to put on a résumé.

He knew most part time jobs would not require a résumé. But thinking about getting one led to thinking about what he wanted to do with his life in general, and now, with a one-page résumé staring him in the face, Deidara saw just how far he was from figuring that out. I've barely got any experience at anything useful. I'm embarrassed by everything in my Skills section. I don't want to try and glamorize military life. I just want to forget about everything that happened in those years. I have nothing to say, nothing to start from. This part time job I'm thinking of might as well be my first. Four years of my life - poof, yeah.

He needed a quick dose of optimism. So he texted Hidan. I'm creating a resume as a way of looking back at my life. I can't find anything to put on it. Help?

Hidan texted back a few minutes later. Sorry, was fighting Kakuzu. I don't know shit about resumes. What do you put on those things?

A quick summary that describes who you are and what skills you have, your education, any past jobs you've had. I never went to college and the only job I've had is one I can't talk about like it was a good thing. I just can't. What do I do?

Hmm. A long while followed after that message was sent. Deidara smiled, hoping that the extra long time required to compose it meant that Hidan had lots of advice to give. His hopes were not in vain. Hidan eventually sent a series of messages that were very useful. They were each short; he'd probably needed all that time to get his thoughts in order. Okay, I've got some ideas. Don't worry about your school education. List in your summary the skills you've gotten from your non-school education. Mention your ability to enhance the productivity of a team by getting ideas flowing and preventing groupthink and balancing out team dynamics. Individually, you can generate novel ideas and make plans and notice important patterns. You don't have to mention your military stint if you don't want to. This whole group Konan set up is technically organized, so you might be able to fudge things and jam it in there. "Identified and acquired needed resources." Shit like that.

Deidara turned back to his résumé and began to type. He added everything Hidan had mentioned to his summary, then reduced his stint in the military to a brief mention. Then, he created a new job entry and proceeded to write about his ninja career. Hidan was right; it was surprisingly easy. The exact phrase Hidan had texted found a home there, as did many other descriptors. I've really done a lot for this group. I might not have been paid for it, but I've helped people, yeah.

Before leaving the library, Deidara looked up the department store Yahiko used to work for on Google Maps. He left the library with a spring in his step. I'm not starting from square zero! My life so far has me pretty well prepared, yeah.

Yahiko

Meanwhile, Yahiko befriended ghost books. He sat down next to the bookshelf, as he had done with the bush, and put a hand on it to stabilize its existence. He said hello to it. He took a close look at the books, noting any minor signs of damage to their spines, age, dust levels. He saw nothing that would explain what killed them. They seemed to be old and treasured, well-loved. "Are you sad that you can't be in your home anymore?" he wondered. "The person you lived with must have cared for you very much."

The shelf seemed a little more solid than it had been before. And, if Yahiko paid very close attention, he could feel an emotion coming off the books. Or at least, the emotion was what hit him first. While he was trying to figure out what emotion it was, he reached out and took a book from the shelf without thinking. He found himself opening it. What am I doing? I don't remember doing this. The book he read was a book of magic. It described spells, spells which seemed to be quite powerful. Yahiko's jaw dropped as he read about tapping into ley lines, channeling magic into ley lines, locating deposits of wild magic, using magical ingredients harvested from animals and other living beings… "I understand," he said. "You lived with a powerful mage. A mage would treasure their library above anything." He kept reading. "Oh no. Something happened to them, didn't it? Someone powerful enough to use spells like these would have protected you. You wouldn't have been able to die, unless… Oh no. I am so sorry." They lost their person, then they died. No wonder they feel so sad and lost.

"I wonder who it was." He put that book back and selected another. This one described how to summon various creatures. What started as an idle wondering became a real question as he read the summoning tome. The creatures listed in it were…weird. They differed from his expectations of what kinds of summonable creatures should be described in the library of an elite mage. Yahiko burst out laughing. When he finally recovered, he wiped tears from his eyes and shook his head. "A MagiCarp? Come on." Every single creature listed had a name that was either a bad pun, sounded completely harmless, both, or was some kind of fairly straightforward description. The Chillbadger, for example, seemed to be a kind of badger from the frozen north that was good at digging through ice. Completely straightforward, and also completely not what anyone would expect to find in such a book from such a source. Yahiko found no world-ending demons, no mind-devouring monsters from another plane, nothing that required a human sacrifice or any act that would get a person 20 years in jail. The creatures listed were not harmless; the Mana Mimic had the power to steal all your magic and use it to impersonate you, which sent shivers up Yahiko's spine the more he thought about it. Others could be expected to go on destructive frenzies if not contained, drain the life force of the summoner, snack on valuable magical things, and more. But the Mana Mimic was just a chameleon before it borrowed a person's magic and appearance. They were all animals, half of them with punny or harmless-sounding names. This is the most innocent summoning tome I've ever heard of.

Yahiko ended up flipping through all of the entries. After covering half the book, he realized something else that was odd about it. It was written in perfectly clear and understandable language. It used words that did not exist in this world, of course, but the sentence structure was perfectly ordinary and understandable. The instructions were clear. It wasn't even written in one of those super difficult old-timey fonts; the letters were only slightly more ornate than a standard computer font. "Written in easy to understand language… Animals with punny names…" He flipped faster and faster. His jaw dropped. What he found was a shock. He'd been kind of expecting it, but it was still a shock. "Doomkitten." Oh my god. I'm reading a book from my favorite video game.

He put the summoning tome back with a trembling hand. "There's no need to worry," he told the books. "I'm shaking because I just realized that - that I know who you lived with. And where. And I just… I didn't expect to find anything I recognized in this place." The books seemed to radiate comfort. Yahiko couldn't tell if they really did or if he was imagining it. "Thank you," he told them anyway. "I promise I'll come back for a visit once I get over the shock."

He sat down on the library's steps, out of the way of any visitors, and pulled out his phone. He thought about going to the group chat, but ended up on Google instead. If parts of other worlds are here as real things that I can see and touch, but I can also interact with them as the fictional properties they used to be…or still are… Nevermind, it makes my head hurt. The important part is that I can see them as fictional and as real at the same time. If I can do that…

He typed his own name into the search bar.

He saw something he had never seen before.

A completely empty results page. The number of results displayed below the search bar was 0. A generic line of text said, You didn't get any results. Try modifying your search.

Yahiko went straight to the group chat and told everyone, Kakuzu was right. Our Internet is censored. I just searched Google for my own name and got 0 results. We can access and interact with other fictional properties that are here in this world, just not our own. The ghost bookshelf in the library comes from my favorite video game. That's how I know.

After sending, he lowered his phone and took a deep breath. He put his phone away. Wait, what?! Hold on! I'm nowhere near caught up to the storyline, but I've passed the part of the game where he went missing for a while, and there was no sign his tower got damaged. Does something happen later in the game? He got up and set off in the direction of his apartment to find out.

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A/N: The game in question is Dragonfable. Every summon except for the Doomkitten is non-canon; I invented them for a Dragonfable fanfic I'm writing. But the game is chock full of references and puns. Seriously, there's a knight named Sir Baumbard who gives you a mission to drop bombs on enemies. He had to be knighted by the king because his name wasn't punny enough for the order of knights. That's how punny this game is.

Anyway, yeah, this is the reason why their Internet censor exists.

See ya next week!