A/N: It is getting harder and harder to talk about myself. I used to compulsively share everything that happened to me with my friend, once I made my first friend that is. If something really unusual happened, my first thought would be, "How would I describe this in a post?" The impulse would wear off before I had access to a computer, but still, it was there.

Now, it's not. The desire to compulsively overshare is nearly absent. Now that I have quite a few people I can talk to about myself, I've lost the compulsion to do so. It's getting harder to write this story as a result. I will have to switch to a more plot-centered style very soon just so I can keep posting.

That's bittersweet news. I choose to focus exclusively on the sweet part.

Happy reading! See you in the end notes!

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Hidan

Hidan went to visit his demonic friend in order to get away from Itachi's eye strain. They chased each other around the hospital's spacious grounds, Hidan as himself and the demon boy in a variety of forms. Then, when Nagato's message came, they discussed the nature of free will. They concluded that free will was not willful at all. Rather, it was the ability to defy expectations. By that definition, both the stupid and the enlightened had free will, plus anyone who simply lacked awareness of what the expectations were and anyone who lacked the ability to control their own actions. The only beings that did not have free will were those who were aware of what common sense said they should do, compelled to act sensibly, and able to do so. "But who said I had to make sense?" Hidan asked.

"That means you have free will!" the demon boy replied. "So do I! Nothing I do has to make sense, not even to me! Muahaha!"

Hidan posted this in the group chat, frowning at the lack of response to Nagato's message. I guess that's the sort of thing you process in real life before putting together any kind of coherent writing about. Then he and the demon boy played a new game, where the demon boy took a variety of four-legged forms and Hidan rode each one across the length of the lawn while trying not to be bucked off. The demon boy eventually succeeded in bucking him off, but only by assuming a six-legged form. Hidan preened and praised his own balancing skills.

He grew hungry, of course. The demon boy suggested they play a variant of the previous game, where he assumed a flying form and tried to buck Hidan off as they flew. Hidan grinned. He knew the boy's real motivation. Aw, he likes hanging out with me. Hidan was thrown off twice on the way into town. He scrutinized various eating places and settled on tacos. The demon boy terrorized nearby dogs, causing mayhem for their owners. Hidan laughed along with him.

They watched the sun set from the top of the bird tree. "This was a good day," Hidan said. "I like hanging out doing random crazy shit sometimes." The demon boy giggled maniacally in response. Hidan hung upside down from a very high branch, watching the ground spin beneath him and feeling the flopping in his stomach. His head pounded. He closed his eyes and smiled at the feeling of danger that scrambled his insides.

When the sun was hidden behind the trees, they climbed down. "I should go home," Hidan yawned. "Catch you tomorrow, kid?" The demon boy held up a fist. They fistbumped.

Hidan walked home through a forest that had grown very, very dark. Before long, he would have sworn he could feel his eyes dilating as far as they possibly could in order to map out the ground in black and grey. He relied mostly on his knowledge of the area in order to avoid tripping. A cat's night vision would be really cool. He pouted at the universe that had not granted him this gift.

But before long, he found reason to thank it instead. He paused. Did I hear something? He heard nothing now. It sounded like something moving… He kept walking.

There! Again! He was definitely hearing something moving. He was sensing air movement and living branches, so it must have been moving through the trees. Hidan bared his teeth and ran. Running through the night forest was a novel experience. It was like running on the ocean, perhaps. He couldn't see and adjust his feet to dips in the ground or roots, so each one pitched him forward or backward. As long as he stayed upright, this didn't affect his running speed very much. Thank me for balance!

It was just a race, of course. He wanted to see if his follower could keep up. They did. He led them to the shore of the lake. There he stopped, walked out a few feet onto the water, turned around and sat in a crosslegged position. He waited.

A human-shaped shadow moved beneath the trees. "What was that for?" it asked.

Hidan laughed. "Just a bit of fun. Wanna sit?" He patted the water next to him.

"...No."

Hidan took his scythe off his back and laid it on the water beside him. It sat on the surface just like the rest of his body did. "We can just talk. Why were you watching me?"

"Just our normal nightly observance of all designated targets."

"I'm not special anymore? Aw man."

The shadow seemed to tilt its head. "Do you know what you are?"

Hidan rubbed his chin. "If you're talking about the uber top secret thing, then no. I'm not allowed to know that. If you're talking about something else, I'm all ears, and probably yeah."

"...How are you sitting on the water?"

"This is a normal thing that all ninjas can do. I'm just directing chakra out my butt and legs. You guys know what chakra is, right? It's like a sort of energy swirling around inside. You can kick it out your feet to run faster. You probably have it. Try it!"

The shadow hesitated, then left the trees. It was a vampire man. He looked down at the water. "Don't overthink it," Hidan told him. "Close your eyes." The vampire closed his eyes. He turned to his right and walked sideways, making it unclear to himself how far he was from the water. Then he turned back to the water and walked forward.

He stepped onto the water with no problems. At the sound of splashing, he opened his eyes. He walked in a circle, astonished. "I am doing this?" Hidan patted the water beside himself again. This time, the vampire sat there. "This is wonderful."

"Yeah," Hidan said. "It's fantastic."

They sat for a while, hearing only owls, scurrying, and the occasional splash of the vampire's hand. Hidan contemplated the stars. "Do you know the constellations?" the vampire asked.

"Nope."

"My mother showed them to me." The vampire pointed out various constellations he had learned in his distant past. Many of them he could not fully trace; he recognized them by a few stars that formed a distinctive feature. Hidan laughed and pointed out Orion, which he only knew from the three lined-up stars that formed Orion's belt. They both agreed on a Dipper, but could not settle whether it was the Big or the Little Dipper. This led to a conversation about drinking vessels. The vampire man remembered dippers. He had lived someplace with a well. Hidan had never seen a well in real life. They conversed about the past, which was as much of another world as any work of fiction.

Clouds drifted across the stars, putting an end to their talk. "I should go back," Hidan sighed. "Or at least tell people where I am. But I don't want to."

The vampire opened his mouth, caught himself at the last second, then struggled to uncatch himself. "Then don't?"

Hidan burst out laughing. "Good idea! But hey, aren't vampires supposed to be all formal and shit? What's this with the good ideas?"

"We are not all the same…" The vampire looked up at the stars again. From what he had said so far of his childhood, he had used to be a human with a sense of adventure. Vampirism hadn't totally taken that out of him.

"That's a good thing," Hidan promised. "It means you can come up with new ideas that your people might need someday."

The vampire smiled. "I was told that you were astonishingly pleasant to talk to, but I had no idea."

Hidan's grin faded. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you guys ever get into a kind of…blood frenzy?"

The vampire man shivered. "When one of us is overdue for a feeding, they become a threat to everything around them. Our senses become stronger; rustle the grass as you walk, and they turn towards you with a ravenous look in their face. I get the feeling that they have trouble telling prey apart from not-prey. It is scary, to have someone looking at you so hungrily. It's one of the few things that can scare a vampire."

"You guys get like that before? Huh. I get like that after." Hidan told the man what had happened the one time he tried to drink blood while conscious.

The vampire's eyes widened. "That sounds very similar, yes. You say this only happened one time?"

"Normally, my other half takes over, because when I'm me as I am now I can feel other creature's feelings and that would make killing them really kinda difficult."

"And that one does not get into blood frenzies?"

Hidan shot him a flat look. "Dude, I just fucking described the frenzy to you. It's all about sensation, all about the body. It's the spirit equivalent of a high-end philosophical text in a foreign language. You honestly think he can read that shit?"

"...Wouldn't the creators of this world, um, understand it?"

"You grew up on a farm. You try being a carrot!"

The vampire man looked down. "I understand how carrots function and can direct their growth, but that doesn't mean I truly know what it is like to be one. It's the same with you?"

Ugh, I feel oogy all of a sudden. Hidan put a hand to his head. "Yeah, pretty much. No more questions. I…" With a shudder, the bizarre feeling lifted. He took a deep breath. "Ah, that feels better. What were we talking about?"

"If your blood frenzies are triggered by the sight and smell of the kill, then yours are actually much less dangerous than ours," the vampire man told him. "You could not travel far from the kill before it wore off. Unless you happened to find yourself in a place with a lot of potential prey kept in close quarters, you should be fine."

"No visiting slaughterhouses. Gotcha."

The vampire drew back. "At least in my day, the slaughtering was done discreetly! No one would force that upon the casual visitor!"

"Really?" Hidan grinned. "You learn something new every day! Er, night?"

"You have a home you need to return to, correct?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah. I do!" Hidan grabbed his scythe and stood up. "A home, and a family, and some nice warm people to cuddle with. I'm living the dream. Catch you tomorrow?"

"Likely not. We are rotated through this duty to prevent anyone from becoming overly familiar with the targets."

"See you 'round at some unspecified point, then." Hidan gave him one last wave, then walked off into the forest.

Konan swooped down from the roof as he arrived. "Were you on an important mission?"

Hidan opened his mouth to reply. He realized just in time, He said I wasn't the only one being watched. What do you wanna bet the whole base is under observation? I don't wanna get him in trouble. "I got one of those 'I want to fuck off and ignore the whole idea of responsibility' moods, and I followed it. I thought about telling someone where I was, but the mood had me."

Konan blinked. "Should I be concerned that I know exactly what mood you are talking about?"

"Nah. I like that mood. It feels nice."

"Maybe for you, it does."

"I also realized something about my blood frenzies. It was totally obvious. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I went crazy because of the smell and feel of the kill that one time, right? So I couldn't get far from it before the frenzy wore off. Unless I end up in a sheep pen, or the human equivalent, with lots of targets all close to each other, I should be fine."

Konan smiled, agreed, and invited him inside for human food. Hidan's stomach rumbled. He followed her in gladly. That should put whoever's watching at ease.

Itachi

The next day was Saturday, which meant it was the day Itachi went over to the haunted hospital to entertain children. He knocked on Kisame's door. "Itachi, fuck off," was the reply.

"I really do think it would be a good opportunity."

"No."

"You are into expanding your horizons as of late, are you not?"

"After our talk yesterday, I think I'm expanding them too much. Today, I am staying right here and dealing only with things I can touch and see. Not visiting ghosts with you."

I should keep this natural, yes? Friendly relationships don't work when forced, right? Itachi wrinkled his brow. His instincts said otherwise. He decided to follow them. "Konan ordered me to talk more with you. We have grown distant, with you going off on so many separate adventures."

"...Is she gonna force me to go to the haunted hospital?"

"I don't know."

Kisame groaned. "Gimme a sec." Samehada squealed. My work is done.

After Kisame had gotten dressed and come out of his room and made eggs, while he and Itachi ate together, Itachi said, "I like to go over in the late morning. We have a few hours."

"Tell me what the place is like, then. I want to know what I'm walking into."

Itachi told him about the unnaturally even grounds where the grass looked like Astroturf and the plants were perfect green circles. Kisame shivered. Itachi told him about the decrepit appearance of the building, the holes in the lobby floor and the broken stairs, but thanks to the demon boy's powers they could be assured that the stairs would not actually crumble beneath their feet. He added quickly that the wall next to the stairs was intact. Kisame let out a relieved breath and cursed demons as a category.

"I hate it," he muttered. "Being asked to believe in so many things that I can't see. It makes me feel uneasy. If I can't refer back to anything sensible, how do I know it's not all being twisted?"

"Hmm." Itachi cleaned off his plate as he thought. "I'm afraid I have no advice."

Kisame looked at him. "You have no trouble looking like you believe in things while actually not believing them. You can advise me on that."

"That would not be good advice. I do not enjoy being like that. I want to believe in something mind, heart and soul. Just once. Even for a few seconds. It must feel very good."

Kisame huffed. "Doesn't help me."

"I appreciate that you are trying to better yourself, Kisame." Itachi smiled. "But do not fall into the trap of thinking that you must change everything. Who you are right now is a worthy person that has much to offer others, even if there still are things you wish to improve."

Kisame finished his fourth egg. He chewed thoughtfully. "Do you think I would intimidate the ghosts?"

"You are large, but you have a gentle look about you. It'll be fine."

Kisame snorted. "Gentle?"

"Yes, especially when you are with Samehada. Speaking of which, why is Samehada not here?"

"Wanted to give us time alone together."

"That was very sweet of your shark. I think now it would be appropriate for him to join."

They went back to Kisame's room. Samehada listened as Itachi described again the grounds, the building, and especially the stairs. Each new unknown and unseen thing made the shark more excited. He wriggled like he wanted to rush over right at that moment. Kisame put a hand on his head. "Same. I have to ask. You seem to think of everything in terms of the senses, right? Why the hell are you so comfortable with things that can't be sensed?"

Samehada made confused sounds. "I don't think he agrees with your basic assertion," Itachi said slowly, watching Samehada for any sign of disagreement. There was none. "Round trees and broken stairs are entirely sensible things."

"You know what I'm talking about," Kisame snapped. "Broken stairs are not good to step on. They will not support weight. I look at broken stairs, and I can almost feel myself falling before it ever happens. But on these stairs, it doesn't happen. I can't see anything holding them up, yet something clearly is. If I can't see it, how do I know it won't suddenly vanish?"

Samehada made sounds of questioning and amusement, mixed. "It sounds like you are being silly?" Itachi ventured. Samehada nodded. The shark went over to the wall and climbed on it.

"Just because the wall is intact does not change the fact that the stairs can't be trusted," Kisame said.

"True, but you don't have to trust the stairs, so why does it matter?"

"Things that can't be trusted are bad. I hate the sight of them. I hate their whole existence."

Samehada came down from the wall. Kisame blinked, surprised by his own words. Itachi's mind raced to figure out what those words could mean. In its rush to do so, he failed to do what needed to be done in the moment. Samehada did it for him. The shark crawled onto the bed, reared up and licked Kisame's face. Kisame hugged him back. "Shit. I have some issues." Samehada rumbled. "Thanks, Same."

"If you hate their whole existence, then ignore their whole existence," Itachi said. "Surround yourself with people you can trust. Test yourself so that you can trust yourself. You're already doing exactly what you should be doing. It's alright."

Kisame's shoulders finally relaxed. "That makes sense."

"Kisame? Did you know you were going to say that?"

"No."

Itachi smiled. "That's what I told you about yesterday. That's free will."

Kisame

The three of them went to the abandoned hospital. It was just as creepy as Itachi had said. Kisame didn't find the grounds too bad, actually. They were deeply suspicious, but not a potential danger. He gave each bush and tree some side-eye, but resolved not to bother them if they didn't bother him. The building was what set off all his inner alerts. He spotted immediately a hunk of stone that was not attached at all. He swore and pointed it out to Itachi. They were not beneath it, but he led them away just in case.

Itachi used the old-fashioned door knocker. The door did not open immediately. While they waited, Samehada tasted the air and made sounds of mild confusion. Kisame glanced around, wondering what he was confused about.

"Oh, it's you," Itachi said when the snake boy finally had the door open. "Do you always open the door? It seems like a lot of effort for you, but trivial to your friend."

The toddler pointed to the stool he had used. He pushed it around some more. "I see," Itachi said. "You may not be a toddler in actuality, but you have the body of one and enjoy exercising it just as much as a real toddler would. Performing a useful task for someone else must feel good, too." The boy nodded.

He led them inside. To Kisame's eyes, the lobby was even worse than Itachi had described. The floor looked ready to fall apart, and the holes in it indicated that there was a large open space for them to fall into. The phantom sensation of falling made Kisame freeze in place. "Ugh," he exclaimed, looking for a good patch of wall. "Nope, nope and fucking nope."

Itachi tilted his head. "Do you have a phobia of falling?"

"I'm half shark. Accidental falling doesn't happen in the ocean."

Standing with his back against the wall and gripping it with both hands was enough to calm him. Samehada climbed up the wall beside him and licked his face. Itachi activated his Sharingan and peered into the basement through the holes in the floor. "The room beneath us is empty, about a dozen feet high and with a floor made of stone. The floor you are standing on is a double layer of boards with beams running between them. The boards on the underside look just as worn as those above, but the beams appear stable. Aside from these holes, there aren't many places where wood-boring insects or such could have gotten to them. These holes may have formed where boards were damaged."

Kisame tapped the floor with his feet. Now that he was paying close attention, he thought he could make out where the beams were. He let go of the wall and stomped again, shifting his weight as he did so. He quickly shuffled to his right to stand directly on top of a beam. "Thanks, Itachi."

Itachi grinned. "Yahiko did this for me yesterday. I am passing on the favor." He turned to Samehada. "You and Kisame may wish to survey the building while I play. Stay close to him, and use the fact that your whole body is in contact with the floor to sense things he can't." Samehada pressed himself flat against the floor, rumbled like he was conducting his own search for hidden beams, and nodded.

A dog that none of them had noticed until now woofed. Itachi touched the strap of his guitar case. "That's my cue. Good luck." He followed the dog down a hallway.

"I never thought of it like that," Kisame told Samehada. "I've always thought I just needed to be more trusting. Just stop freaking out. Something simple, so simple that I have no idea how to do it. But this, I know how to do. Gather extra information so that my butt is covered even if the floor does give way. Don't force myself to trust that it won't. Give in to the paranoia. But, like, in a good way."

Samehada lolled his tongue out. He went to a spot approximately halfway between Kisame and the stairs, pressed himself against the floor and rumbled, then used his snout to trace lines. Kisame envisioned those lines extending across the room. My foot stomping was accurate. I am standing on beams. Nice to know I can find them on my own. He followed the imaginary lines to the base of the stairs, where he climbed onto the wall. Samehada squealed and used the stairs, dancing from broken step to broken step. Kisame winced. He did not let go of the wall even when they reached the top of the stairs. "Same, tell me if the floor up here is built the same way as the floor downstairs." Samehada checked twice and nodded. Only then did Kisame come down.

He grew comfortable enough to stop constantly listening for creaking wood as they walked along, checking out the various rooms. He was just as spooked by the ghost woman in the hospital bed as Yahiko was. The rest of the rooms were better, or at least, the ghosts in them weren't as visible. "Are there any ghosts here?" Kisame asked.

Samehada tasted the air. He did not respond at all to whatever he tasted. He did not move or make a sound. ALERT ALERT ALERT. Samehada tasted the air again. He made sounds of incredible confusion. He turned in circles, licking the air over and over, whining. "What is it? What is it, Same?" Kisame asked.

Samehada shook his head.

"It's gotta be something."

Samehada shook his head again. With more head shaking, licking and gesturing, he managed to communicate to Kisame that there was no chakra in the air.

"What the fuck? But there's always chakra in the air."

Samehada whined.

Kisame looked around. "If something around here is draining chakra from the fucking air, I'd better leave before it drains me, too."

The demon boy appeared in a cloud of black fog. "Grr! You are no fun. It's just because I'm holding the walls and everything together. Chakra gets destroyed when it touches me." He glared at Kisame, then went back through the floor.

Samehada made an "Ohhh" sound and relaxed. Kisame sighed. "Great. I'd better stick around and do something entertaining, or he's going to hate me for forcing him to give up information for no reason. Come on, Same. Let's see how Itachi's doing. Then after that, we might check out the creepy basement level." He shivered. Did I just hear distant laughter?

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A/N: You got this, Kisame!

Man, free will is fun. The ability to do things without a prior reason. The ability to not do things that you have been given a reason to do. Yay!

Rar.