A/N: Wahoo! A major plot chapter! Yeah! Chapters where things happen are so much fun to write, my goodness.

Enjoy enjoy enjoy!

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General

Konan was not happy to have to message probably-Soye that Hidan was going to visit a random vampire. What the hell is he thinking? Some random vampire is unlikely to be interesting. This is just going to stir up trouble, and that is the last thing I want to be paying attention to just as my own plans are in motion! The fact that her own plans would have to wait three days anyway did not stop her from biting her lip in frustration.

Kakuzu saw this. He secretly texted Nagato, Kisame, Sasori, and Itachi to tell them that he was seeing signs of an incoming episode. He trusted those four to spread the news in a responsible way.

"Bullshit," Sasori declared. Ruta looked up. "Just as I'm losing sleep working on my puppet, I'm supposed to deal with this too?" He texted Kakuzu back LOL nope.

Kisame growled. Go fuck yourself, was his initial response. At the last moment, he stopped himself from hitting Send. He deleted the whole sentence. Then he put his phone away and left the message unanswered, because how could he possibly answer it?

Nagato and Itachi were more cooperative. Their responses were On it and Understood. Nagato texted Yahiko, and Itachi texted Deidara, and Nagato then set a timer on his phone to remind himself to call Hidan in an hour. An hour later, he called Hidan. "Have you met a vampire yet? If so, how did it go?"

"Not well," Hidan said. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

"Maybe you were picking up vibes from Konan. Kakuzu says he's seeing signs of a new episode."

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah. I have to go. I'm allowed to take phone breaks if I think I need to, but I really don't want to take too many or make them too long." Nagato raced back inside and thanked his lucky stars that Hidan had inadvertently warned him that any phone messages received today would be important enough to answer.

.

By that night, everybody knew. Hidan called a meeting, and he told everyone it was to be in the backyard. Many people questioned that choice. "Explain," Kakuzu growled.

"In order to spy on us, they have to not react immediately to what they hear, which gives them time to cool down and hear a little more," Hidan said. "If we told them up front, they'd get all defensive."

This reasoning was examined and, to some surprise, pronounced sound. Some news was best delivered indirectly. Wood was gathered and lit, dinner cooked and delivered outside. The crackling fire created a cozy atmosphere. "So," Kisame said. He laid a hand on Samehada's head. Remember what I said. This isn't regular talking. It's special. Just listen and don't say anything. "What's this stuff I heard earlier?"

"I am so not dealing with it," Sasori declared, just in case anybody was unclear on that fact, which they weren't.

Konan sipped her tea. "I will have at least one more episode before I can get my hands on some mind medicine. Given the time estimate I received, likely two or perhaps three. Something about this world may be speeding them up."

"What chamber?" Deidara asked.

"Nearing the top of the upper middle chamber. In other words, almost at the point where it affects my mind without me realizing."

"I have some ideas," Nagato declared. "Kakuzu, would you be willing to keep an eye on her? Hidan, check out that campground in the north and find suitable room. As soon as it starts, switch - you traveling through the forest and Deidara flying her straight there. That way, you won't be taken over."

"What about my plans?" Konan asked. "In the next few days, I want to get all that paperwork done so I can acquire mind medicine as soon as possible. I must go to that appointment."

"Kakuzu, you're in charge of helping her. Deidara's available for transportation."

Deidara raised a hand. "I just want to point out that I would complain about being bossed around without getting a chance to say anything, except you're totally right and I agree with all your orders, yeah."

"Same here," Kakuzu said. "And I'm starting to question the wisdom of that 'hang out at a remote campground far from other people' idea. The principle of these episodes is that you get very determined and very impulsive in achieving your goals. Nothing's going to work if you don't agree to it. Since the northern camp takes you away from most of your goals, why would you agree to stay there?"

"An area I am not very familiar with in the wilderness where I do not have to be inside a building sounds very appealing," Konan said. "Being able to do as I wish without hurting others should be enough of a distraction to keep me from focusing on my goals in town." She formed paper claws and contemplated them, showing her audience exactly what those wishes were.

Deidara gulped. "I'm not feeling so great about this. Not complaining or disagreeing, yeah, just saying it doesn't feel good."

"I can ride with you to make sure she doesn't injure you midflight," Kakuzu offered.

"Yeah, good idea, yeah."

"Shall I find somewhere else to leave my laptop?" Sasori asked.

Kakuzu shook his head. "The main thing I help her with is Internet business. She shouldn't have any need of your device."

"Just in case," Sasori muttered.

Hidan cleared his throat. That was long enough, right? "So, what's the deal with this medicine business? You're getting some?"

"Yes," Konan said. She told them everything she had told Kakuzu. "But once that is all done, I will hopefully acquire mood stabilizers."

"And then we won't have to fear the vampires mistaking untreated mental craziness for normal vampiric behavior," Hidan chirped. "Which is why I totally support the 'move to a remote camp far from other people' idea, since it's far from them as well. The last fucking thing we need is more misunderstanding."

"Are vampirics more prone to mental illness than your typical human or vampire?" Itachi asked. "That could explain some parts of their history."

"All we need to worry about right now is ourselves and our own history," Nagato said. "I don't know, and I don't think we can know unless some higher power gives us the answer."

Itachi shrugged. Since when was that a reason not to think about something?

Yahiko slowly raised a hand. "I, um, thought of some things. My chakra soothes the body. Could it help? And what was that about speeding them up?"

"I could go longer between episodes in my old world," Konan explained. "Perhaps it is a good thing that they are speeding up here. I feel it is much easier to express myself. I am no longer holding back so many things. It could be a good sign. As for your chakra, try it now."

"Um…okay." Yahiko sat behind her, waved his hands uncertainly, then put them over her ears. "Like this?"

Konan closed her eyes. "Yes."

Yahiko began to channel chakra. It was visible as a faint bluish-white glow. Everybody watched her. Her face, as usual, gave away nothing. Itachi activated his Sharingan for a closer look, and still could not make out any change.

Yahiko stopped and lowered his hands. Konan opened her eyes. "It made my inner experience more pleasant, but did not stop or slow it," she reported. "Normally, the energy manifests as frustration, irritation. When he used his chakra, it became…sweeter. Like the elation of a bright sunny day after weeks of clouds."

"That's great to know," Nagato said, grinning. "Could it be that these episodes lead to you destroying things just because it's a negative energy? If it could be changed to a better form, then the same episodes would no longer be destructive. They would still be crazy, but we already live with crazy. We can handle that."

"It is inevitable that a powerful version of myself should be frustrated by how little my normal self has accomplished."

"But you said earlier that in this world, you're free to do more things. You've accomplished a lot. You're not stifling that inner will anymore, so what would it be frustrated about?"

Konan tilted her head. "I have?"

Hidan counted on his fingers. "You made an appointment. You set up a regular sparring for entertainment deal. You got us equipped and trained like ninjas should be. You guided us through making deals with the vampires. Shit, when I list it all at once, it's a lot."

"Hm. I do not feel as if I have accomplished so much."

Nagato raised a fork. "We're here, aren't we?" After some pointed glances, Sasori and Kisame raised their forks. Konan blinked. Yes, having the whole group still assembled was an accomplishment.

Hidan put an arm around her shoulders and purred. "Don't worry. We're great. Nothing's gonna get us down now."

Yahiko

The following day, the plushies arrived.

Yahiko lay on his back on the lobby floor, holding one above him. "Who's the cutest little guy? You are!" He rubbed noses with it, then sat up and gave it a tight hug.

Hidan, unfortunately, had decided to be responsible and check out the northern campground promptly. That left Konan as the only other person who could properly appreciate them. She smiled and stroked another plushie's head.

Kakuzu and Itachi were around, and they tried their best, but they just couldn't. Lacking either the urge to squee over cute little things or appreciation of the character the plushie was modeled after, they handled the dolls as if they didn't understand what they were. Kakuzu held it up so it looked like it was standing and examined it. "Taller than I expected, but still small enough to be overlooked. Might be useful."

"These are very nice dolls," Itachi said. "However, it is hard for me to appreciate things I know nothing about."

"I can show you his subplots," Yahiko offered.

"Telling me his story should suffice."

"No, no it won't." Yahiko shook his head fiercely. "The music. The animations. They're important. You can't appreciate him properly until you've seen him."

"The art for this game is well-drawn," Konan agreed. "I recommend doing as he says."

"Wait until you see the quest where he smiles," Yahiko said with a grin. "I played it just recently. They did such a good job! It's one of my favorite quests just because of that scene."

Kakuzu shot him a look. "Because of his smile?"

Yahiko was too busy playing with the plushie to notice the look. "He also laughs! He never does that at any other point. He's normally so reserved, like Konan. He looks amazing when he laughs." He gave the plushie another hug, rocking back and forth in bliss.

Kakuzu and Itachi shared a look. They silently agreed not to point out the little imaginary hearts flying around Yahiko's head. "If you've played it only recently, it must be a recent quest," Itachi said. "The animators must have improved their skills over time, so it makes sense that recent quests would look so good. I look forward to it."

Yahiko nodded. "There's also another recent quest where he's animated in ways he's never been animated before. Facing right and looking to his right, at the camera. Facing the camera and crouching, covering his mouth. All sorts of new things, and they all turned out great! That quest is sad, but I also like it? Maybe just because it's another one where he loses his composure. I have to show it to you." He kissed the top of the doll's head and patted it softly, as if he could soothe away whatever painful thing happened in that quest.

"I look forward to it," Itachi repeated. He had no idea what else to do.

Kakuzu snickered. Konan glared at him. He stopped immediately. Why was she glaring?

Yahiko continued to cuddle his toy, oblivious to all of this. I get to have a plushie of one of my favorite characters! Yay! He's so cool! I can't wait until Hidan gets back. He'll find these toys exactly as adorable as I do.

Hidan

Hidan's scouting revealed many new things. Others had been here before, but none of them were looking for what he was looking for, so they did not see it. "Aw, fuck yes." Perches. Peeling bark to tear off. Nice, hard trees to make marks on. This place has it all!

He returned to the base in the late afternoon, brimming with good news. As he stepped through the front door, he found himself grinning uncontrollably. Someone else was also brimming with good news. The total amount of excitement was overwhelming. Before he knew it, he had a full-blown case of the zoomies. He ran to Konan's room just because he could, didn't find her, checked outside, didn't see her sparring with anyone, checked the roof, and found her sitting in her corner. "Hey hey hey, good news! The northern camp has all kinds of great stuff that you'll love! It's got trees, and bark, and perches, and good things of all the goodness and rar."

She studied him. "You're shaking."

"Because I'm so excited and I'm buzzing with energy and it has to find its way out of me!" Hidan yelped, bouncing up and down.

"That must be because of Yahiko."

Hidan leaped off the roof, barely noticed the landing, and ran inside. Yahiko met him there. "Hidan! I thought that was you running! Look! The plushies! They came!" He held out a doll.

"Ooh, cute little guy!" Hidan took the doll and shook it lightly. "Look at his little legs sway!"

"It'll be so much cuter when they can walk!"

"Walking little guys!" Hidan twirled in a circle and hugged the plushie to his chest. Hey, wait a second. This warmth I'm feeling, it's got a tinge of something else. Feels familiar, but I can't quite place it…

"Itachi said the only thing that keeps him from loving these little guys is that he doesn't know anything about the character they're based on, so I'm going to show him that character's subplots," Yahiko said. "He'll love the animation!" He proceeded to go on and on about said character's animation.

Hidan continued to grin like a fool, but got a sinking feeling deep inside. Oh shit. That's what I was picking up on. He's totally crushing on this character. A male character. Fuck, I was afraid he might be able to do that. I've gotta warn Nagato. It'll be torture for him if he realizes that in a face to face situation and has to hide his first reaction. But if I warn him, he'll be afraid to talk to Yahiko, and he'll still have to hide how awful it feels when he eventually does. Oh shit. Oh fuck.

"I can't wait to see what kind of magic they use!" Yahiko beamed. An aura of joy radiated from him. All he needed was a disguise to complete Angel Jutsu.

There was no trace of fear in his aura. He doesn't know, does he? Even after what the incubus told him. But Nagato's gonna pick up on it immediately. Oh fuck.

"You said you talked to Itachi about this?" Hidan asked, handing the toy back.

"Yeah! He says he's looking forward to it."

"Neat. I'm gonna chat with him then. Uh, you were planning to ask the ghost books how to enchant them, right?"

Yahiko took off running, presumably to the library. Hidan felt it when he slipped out of range. Whoally sheezus. That was powerful stuff. He still had a case of the zoomies, but a more mild version that only made him bounce lightly as he stood. This is what Nagato was talking about. This is the kind of energy Konan needs to have. He pondered how to help her experience something that, as far as he knew, he was the only person to have ever experienced. He messaged Itachi while doing so.

Itachi and Deidara came to pick him up. They had been hanging out in the park, enjoying the fine weather and chatting about Deidara's new job. Hidan bit his tongue until they landed in the park, walked through the trails to the eating area and sat down at a table. Itachi and Deidara brought their conversation to a close. "Hidan, you haven't said a word. Don't pleasurable interactions with strangers interest you?"

"Not nearly as much as what Yahiko just told me," Hidan said. "You must have seen it. How am I going to tell Moonlight? What do I do?"

"What'd Yahiko say?" Deidara asked.

"Many, many good things about a fictional character," Itachi replied. "Things which implied he finds that character attractive. Said character is male."

"He has no idea," Hidan continued. "So he's going to go on about it in Nagato's face, totally oblivious, but Nagato's not oblivious so he'll notice. I could warn Nagato beforehand, which would make him afraid to talk to Yahiko, which might make Yahiko sad that his best buddy doesn't want to hear his good news. I could not warn Nagato, and let him get super devastated while also having to hide that to avoid ruining Sunshine's happiness. Or I could tell Sunshine and ruin his happiness myself. There are no good options here."

"I get the impression that Nagato hasn't truly dealt with his situation," Itachi said. "He rationalizes it by telling himself that the only obstacle to them being together is that Yahiko simply isn't able to see a man that way. If it were possible, then nothing else would stop them from being a happy couple. Learning that it was possible, after all, but that he isn't Yahiko's type… It would flatten him."

Deidara's eyes were wide. "I can see that, yeah. Oh no."

"I don't have good options, but I've gotta do something." Hidan pulled out his phone. He messaged Nagato. Ask about the shelter's staffing position this week. Be prepared to call out for the next few days. After sending, he told Itachi and Deidara. Itachi agreed that was a smart precaution to take.

"This isn't gonna blow up the middle of the group, is it?" Deidara sounded like a younger boy. "You said there was nothing to worry about. You said we're great."

Hidan groaned. "Me and my big mouth…"

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A/N: This was originally planned to happen later and with a different cause, because of course I didn't plan to get so far into another fandom. But it was planned. Hmm, I wonder how moving it up will affect later events...

This chapter is totally not based on real-life events. Nope. Not even a little. Warlic is not just so cute when he smiles. *heart* *heart* *heart*

Anyway, see y'all next week! Seriously, why don't they have character plushies?!