A/N: Okay, so, I didn't quite make it. The self-insert fic is projected to have 6 chapters and I have finished 4. But darn if I didn't give it my best shot! Each chapter is as long as a full-length, 4000 word chapter of this fic, and I was writing one of those per day. I do not feel bad about myself. Thank you so very much for allowing me to use the idea of you in this way. It really helped.

And now for...

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Konan

The following day was Thursday. Translation: two days until the weekend. Konan texted Soye their plans for the training battles. Then she spent a good long time wondering if she and Samehada ought to fight as part of it. This first set of training battles was intended to show off their abilities to their allies. A joke battle might not be a good idea just yet. But it would be interesting… Her wonderings were interrupted by a sound from her phone. She checked it and saw a message from Soye. It was not about the plans at all. Is holding battles a good idea in your current state?

Konan blinked. What current state? I am not injured. She texted back for clarification.

Your mental state, Soye replied.

Konan's eyes widened. She had completely forgotten. And forgetting was a bad sign. Forgetting meant it was upon her. She checked herself immediately. Mid-upper chamber. Near the top! She texted back must plan excuse me and raced off to find Hidan. Hidan. Hidan. Wasn't there something about him? Something important?

Hidan sat straight up, his eyes open as far as they would go. "Zoomzoomzoom!" He leaped up from the floor and gave her a bone-crushing hug, then released her and bounced on his feet. "Hazhawazhazhaguwaja so what's going on what's going on what's going onnnnn?"

"Wasn't there something important?"

"What could be more important than how AWESOME I feel?"

Konan smiled. She did feel pretty great. "This is dangerous, Hidan. We must get control. I must remember what it is that I have forgotten." Suddenly, she remembered part of it. Today is Thursday. Translation: day of doctor's appointment. "I have a doctor's appointment today! To get something called a physical done, which will allow me to acquire mind medicine."

"When's that?"

"In the afternoon. I will forget. I must tell someone. But who?" It took her way too long to remember. "Kakuzu. Of course." She raced over to Kakuzu's room. "Kakuzu, remember my doctor's appointment today for me."

He looked her over. "Shit. Time to get Deidara."

"Deidara? Oh. Yes. Because I planned to stay at the northern camp until this is over."

"Tell me Hidan isn't climbing the walls."

They could not find Hidan anywhere. Kakuzu cursed. But then they found Nagato, who explained that Hidan had practically dragged Yahiko from his room, insisting that they run to town to get Solis enchanted now now now. Kakuzu sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. Her episode is starting."

Nagato thought quickly. "Deidara. Fly north with Deidara. And Kakuzu, you promised to ride with them, to make sure Dei doesn't get injured."

"You're right, I did."

Deidara jumped as his door slammed against the wall and bounced partly closed again. "What the fuck?"

"Fly north. Now," Kakuzu growled.

They went outside, through the forest, to the lake, where they all got on Clay's back. Konan's heart pounded, and she wasn't sure why. "Dammit, dammit, dammit," she whispered. "Soye's unsure if battles are a good idea in this state. Oh, that reminds me. I need to inform her of the plushies." She pulled out her phone and began to text midflight. Btw, we brought a bunch of dolls to life. they'll be pqrt of everythinh. They can use magic.

"What exactly is this state?" Deidara asked.

"I feel no urge to maul you, but I keep forgetting things," Konan replied.

"She has a doctor's appointment this afternoon," Kakuzu said. "I'm remembering it for her. Damn good thing I was there when we made it."

Konan's phone buzzed. She checked it, noticed that her previous message was full of typos, and mentally swore. Soye's response was brief. WTF?

"Soye used an acronym just now," she reported. "Perhaps she is feeling warmer towards me."

"What was the acronym?"

"The one that people use to express great surprise or disbelief."

"You got a vampire to say that?" Kakuzu's eyebrows shot up. "Hehe. Nice."

"About what?" Deidara asked. "The dolls? What'd you tell her?"

"That we brought a bunch of dolls to life and they can use magic."

"Give me your phone," Kakuzu ordered. "She might feel more comfortable talking with someone else." Konan bristled, but had to admit he was right. She reluctantly handed over her phone.

Kakuzu waited until they had landed to use it. While he leaned against a tree and typed, Konan and Deidara looked around. She leaped into a tree and perched there. "Yes, this feels suitable."

"Should I hang around for your afternoon thing or come back, yeah?"

"I should be alright enough. For now."

Her words were cautious out of habit. She did not actually feel afraid. Excitement was overtaking fear. What might it feel like in this new world? Could Hidan be right? Konan had always feared herself. Maybe she no longer needed to? Maybe I will not become a monster. She dug her fingernails into the bark. I can't wait to find out!

Kakuzu

Hello. It's Kakuzu. Big, muscular man with stitches everywhere. I see she didn't tell you much about the dolls. To clarify: the dolls are under the control of our most cautious, most disliking of unpredictability group member. They will not run around using magic to blow up houses. His control over them isn't constant; he just has the ability to take over their actions at any time. They might engage in childish antics when he's not looking, but major interference should be out of the question. They seem to be toddlerlike, not malicious. As for their role in battle: they may be deliberately used as wild cards or simply allowed to run around to make the field more chaotic. It's unclear. I'll find out more.

Kakuzu switched back to his regular phone to ask the group chat, How are we planning to use the dolls in battle this weekend?

They can run around doing whatever, Hidan answered. You can do whatever with them. Kisame is allowed to use them in his fight.

Kakuzu went back to Konan's phone. They will be allowed to run around, and fighters may pick them up and attempt to use them if they want. Kisame is allowed to control them and use them in his fight.

Why were dolls brought to life?

Because they're cute and the most child-loving member of our group is friends with powerful magical tomes.

Wtf?

They're from another fictional universe, separate from the one we're from. Different magic system. The books can create golems and have psychic powers. You can ask the librarians about them - at least one of the librarians is capable of conversing with them.

He expected that Soye would not be able to respond any time soon, so he handed the phone back to Konan. "You do need to stay in touch with the rest of us. Call me if you have something important to say to the vampires."

"Hey!" Deidara grinned. "Hidan's usually her second, but now that she's in a mental state that's too dangerous for him, you are, yeah. Congrats on the promotion! I would've thought Nagato or Yahiko would get it, hm."

Kakuzu blinked. When the hell did that happen? "Shit."

"Maybe they're too idealistic," Deidara thought aloud. "Not stern enough to keep her in line."

Konan came back from wherever she had wandered off to. "I believe that I shall be alright for the next several hours. Deidara can come back for me in the afternoon."

General

The news rippled around the group. Sasori heard of it in time to take his laptop to the shop with him, where he asked Laurie to look after it. Kisame was also told immediately. He grimaced and made double sure that Samehada understood. "You were around for at least part of the last incident, right? She was running around, always on edge, dangerous. Her chakra probably tasted bad or like it was on fire." Samehada whimpered. Yes, he remembered that.

Hidan told Yahiko about it in the library while they enchanted Solis. The other two dolls seemed to recognize the books; they stopped and silently watched the whole process. When it was done, Yahiko held his breath. Solis moved his arms and sat up. He rubbed his head. Warlic threw his hands in the air and ran forward to give him a hug. Solis didn't seem to know what the heck was going on. Warlic released him from the hug and knocked him down. Solis stood up and tried to swat Warlic back. They ended up having a completely non-theatrical slap fight.

"I hope this makes them friends," Yahiko said.

"Their feelings are vague enough that I can't tell what's going on with a real person in the room," Hidan groused. "I hope so too." Manta looked back and forth in a way that suggested he agreed. "Did I ever tell you that I really wanted to name him Muna? But it sounded too much like Moon, which is Nagato's nickname, and I thought the way that Mu - uh, Manta follows Warlic around might remind him too much of his own situation."

Warlic and Solis stopped their slap fight. They looked at each other. Warlic tilted his head. Solis slapped him and jumped up and down. He turned away. Warlic tried to pull on his arm, but Solis refused to budge.

Yahiko sniffled. "Just like it was in the game."

Warlic stopped pulling on Solis' arm and held his hand instead. Solis turned and followed him. Manta raised his arms in celebration. Solis raised his arms back. Warlic raised his arms. They were all celebrating.

Yahiko giggled. "That's better!"

They thanked the books very politely and carried the dolls out, Yahiko holding Manta and Hidan carrying Warlic and Solis. The plushies were well behaved when traveling; they looked around, as everything the humans passed was new to them. Yahiko and Hidan could talk freely. "Is it better this time, like you said?"

"I think so. I felt good. But that might always be how it is at first. I'll visit her once a day to see."

Yahiko cradled Manta against his chest. Manta wriggled for a better view. "This does feel a lot like holding the snake boy did," he said through a grin. "H-how do I look?" He blushed.

"So friggin' cute."

"Aw, thanks!"

Nagato took a deep breath. I made it through a day of work yesterday. I can do it today. Today, I have an answer. Today, I have a choice. What would Kisame say? He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He would say, "I don't know about you, but I find animals to be much better company than people when I'm in a bad place. That might just be my paranoia talking." Nagato smiled. "It's not," he whispered. "Animals are awesome."

Itachi was the last to learn, simply because no one thought to tell him. He went out for a walk and encountered the demon boy, who, unlike the rest of the group, actually had remembered about him but was actively choosing not to share. The demon joined the walk and listened to Itachi talk about the various things he saw and felt and smelled. "Why do you notice that?" he asked. "It doesn't mean anything."

"It means everything."

The demon boy took a look at his soul. "Oh, that's what it feels like to you! I'm not getting that. Huh. Maybe it's 'cause you have a body."

"Bodies are excellent. Don't demons in movies typically possess bodies? Can you do that?"

The demon boy was uncharacteristically silent. Itachi looked at him with the Sharingan and saw…reluctance? Hiding? That couldn't be right. "I could," the boy said in a sullen voice.

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

"I'm not supposed to have a body."

"Why not?"

The boy kicked a rock. "I mean, I'm only supposed to have one body at a time. 'Cause technically I have one. 'Cause technically that other guy is still me."

"You are missing your original?"

"No! I don't need him. I've been fine all this time on my own. So why can't I be on my own? Look, I can do things, see?" He hung upside down in midair. "I've got my own look and style. But we're still tied! Why?!"

"Let me think… Ah, that's what it was. You do have your own life, but only temporarily, so that you can rejoin your original in the afterlife and add your own experiences to his for greater understanding."

"Boo."

"I know. It's not very satisfying, is it?"

"At least you have your own body."

"You are jealous that your other self gets to have a body and you don't? Do you want that body for yourself? Tell me more about it. If you know anything about it, other than that it exists."

The boy hesitated. "I do know some things."

"What do you know?"

He hesitated some more. Itachi saw him holding his hands behind his back, a shy gesture that he never would have imagined the local demon making. "What's wrong?"

"You ever seen the wolf guy?"

"Sakumo? Yes." Since Itachi was looking down at the boy, he saw it immediately. "You resemble him."

"I don't…ever talk to him. Sometimes I look at him."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I dunno." The boy's voice was very small and quiet.

"Are you afraid…that he might want to be a father to you? And that you couldn't live up to that? This is your best chance to be drawn into this grand game of the gods. Yet, it's safer to let yourself think you could play perfectly well if you could join rather than actually join and be proven wrong, isn't it?"

The demon boy sniffled. "I don't…want to…"

"Lose your independence?"

"I'm all-powerful."

"Yes, you can control everything. And that feels good." Itachi stopped in his tracks. "You don't seem like it, but you have a lot in common with Kisame."

The demon boy jumped. "I'm not boring and scared! I'm not boring! You watch me!" He disappeared.

Itachi chuckled. "Applied psychology is fascinating."

Itachi

He finished his walk near the vampire's territory. Since the sun was up, he thought it safe to conduct an informal survey of the wildlife. Were larger animals scared away by the presence of superhuman predators? Indeed, although there was a forest right nearby, he saw no sign that anything larger than a cat had moved in. He supposed the wolves had reason to remain where they were, and prey animals like deer might not have the heart to explore new places in the daytime, but what about everything else? Are there any other large animals in the forest? Come to think of it, we haven't seen any… He texted Hidan. That was how, at nearly one in the afternoon, he finally found out about the incoming episode.

He switched to a phone call. "Why wasn't I told about this earlier?"

"Honestly, I forgot about you. Dunno why nobody else did. At least a few other people know."

"Am I forgettable?"

"Well, you're okay with everything. Everybody would've called the people who would be the most bothered."

"What makes you think I'm okay with a repeat of the most anxiety-inducing several days of my life?"

"...Um."

Itachi sat down in a patch of shade and curled one arm around his knees. His heart was pounding. "Tell me there are plans."

"Dei told me Kakuzu's basically second in command as long as I can't be near her. Talk to him. Sorry."

Itachi called Kakuzu. "I finally heard the news. Is everything going to be alright?"

"Yes."

His heart finally slowed. "Oh, thank goodness."

"Why, were you worried?"

"Yes. I was quite anxious."

"About what?"

"I was worried that we might not hold the training battles this weekend."

"You were looking forward to fighting? I didn't think of you as that type."

"No, I was not, but it's been planned for more than a week and I had taken for granted that it would be happening."

"Are you aware that the plan is to let the plushies roam around as wild cards?"

"I was not, but I assumed that they would play some role and that they might interfere with the battles even if they were supposed to be held back."

"Good. I'm asking because I just realized." Kakuzu's voice dropped. Gently, he said, "I haven't seen you sparring with anyone."

"...I do not like to fight."

"Are you going to be able to do it?"

"Yes. It was planned."

"You could still back out. We have enough people to impress our neighbors, who I have called and confirmed their interest."

"No, I can't. I really prefer not to change firmly-made plans at the last minute."

"Seriously?"

"Around here, very few plans are firmly made. I am fine with changes to plans that weren't ever solid in the first place, although it's very frightening if such changes are endless."

"How are you and Kisame friends? He makes nothing but the solidest of plans and clings to them, and you refuse to attach to anything at all."

"Variants of the same. Have I ever told you that opposites look identical?"

"You have not, and I'm a little busy right now. Sakumo and some of his friends are coming, and Yahiko got in touch with Jiraiya, who is definitely coming and promised to round up everyone else he knows. Satisfied?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Good." Beep.

Itachi took a deep breath. "I must cuddle with plushies. That should help." He got up to do just that, not realizing that the shadowed wall he had been sitting against contained an open basement window.

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A/N: It was so strange. When I worked on the new fic this past week, it felt perfectly natural. I didn't ever have to remind myself that I'd made a promise. I just naturally thought of that story and wanted to go work on it. It felt like I was deciding to do that, just like any other decision, and it was easy and I could decide to do similar things at any time.

But now... I do not feel that same ease of decision.

Why can't I make my plans firm by myself? Why are they only firm when I anchor them in someone else? I want to have solid plans to hold onto. Having that felt so good. Meeting that goal that I had set for myself felt so good. As long as I was, anyway. As soon as I became at all unsure whether I could finish the entire story, this marvelous power slipped away. Or did I let it go?

I know I have weak mental grip strength, but it's not that weak. Come on, Kakuzu.

See you next week.