A/N: So, last Monday, I was struck by free time and motivation and inspiration all at once and wrote 3 chapters in one day, finishing off my self-insert fic at 7 chapters. I started publishing it the next day. Last chapter goes up tomorrow. And I never would have gotten there without the hypothetical people who might read this fic. Thank you.

Now I just have to start on my taxes.

I'm growing to like this whole "finishing a story" thing. More on that in the end notes.

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Kisame

Kisame placed his hand on the seal. Samehada held onto him tightly. With a whoosh, they found themselves in the lobby in front of the desk. Which one of the plushies was standing on, and another was standing on the chair and drawing a picture, and a third was blowing paper around the room with wind magic. "Oh thank goodness!" an exhausted Yahiko exclaimed. "Please take control of them. Please."

Kisame had put the rods in his storage seal. He put the return-to-base seal away, then took them out. "You might want to look away."

"...Okay." Yahiko looked away. Kisame grabbed Manta's head and swiftly stabbed one of the short rods into the back of his head. Ugh. I wish Nagato hadn't told me about bolt guns. Now I feel like I'm doing something horrible. Manta flailed his arms. Then he seemed to forget all about it, bending over to take a look at the picture Warlic was drawing. Kisame went around to the chair, grabbed Warlic's head and did the same to him.

There was a flash of light, and Kisame felt like he'd been given a single beat of CPR. For a terrifying second or two, he couldn't inhale and didn't know what his heart was doing. Then it resumed its normal beat and he was able to take a shaky breath. "S-Same, what the hell just…?"

Samehada growled in a terrifying way. Manta jumped up and down, waving his little arms fiercely. Kisame's jaw dropped. Did that little son of a bastard just shoot a lightning bolt at me? "Hold on. Hold on a second." He picked up Warlic, who wriggled and fought to return to his drawing. Kisame set him back down on the chair with the utmost gentleness. "He's fine. Nobody was hurt. You can calm the fuck down." Manta stopped jumping and did just that. Kisame looked at the drawing. Warlic was drawing a forest of trees with spiky jagged green lines for leaves.

The plushie that was blowing paper around the room was Solis. To keep him still, Kisame knelt down on the floor and pulled him in for a cuddle. Solis stopped using his magic; all of the papers drifted to the ground. Kisame averted his own eyes as he inserted the rod. Just one more. Then I never have to do this again. "Where's Little One?"

"WIth Itachi," Yahiko answered. "In Itachi's room. Or at least that's where they were an hour ago. I am not nearly as ready for this as I thought I was."

Solis wiggled. Kisame let him loose. Samehada stuck his head over Kisame's shoulder and chirped. Solis looked up at him. "Same, stay here and help Yahiko look after the dolls. He needs it." Samehada came down from Kisame's shoulder and let Solis pat him on the snout. Kisame looked around, made sure they were all behaving, then went to see Itachi.

Itachi sat next to his bed, smiling. Little One sat in the middle of the floor, carefully tearing near-perfect circles out of a sheet of paper. "Oh thank god," Kisame said. "After seeing what the others were up to, I'm glad we found a calm one." He knelt down and inserted the last of the short rods with no problems. Little One put down the paper and held up his pile of circles. "They're really nice. I love how even you made them."

"I predict that Little One will be the most devastating in our battles this weekend," Itachi said.

"Because of his eye for patterns? After seeing what you can do, I'm willing to bet on that."

"What have you seen?" Itachi muttered. "I haven't fought anyone or anything for a long time. You must be referring to our battle with the succubus."

"Yeah, and you did a great job there." Kisame patted Little One's head and sat next to his longtime friend. "Are you worried about how you'll do this weekend? I know fighting isn't your thing. But the plushies will be there to cause chaos that you can take advantage of, and we know that the vampires value planning and strategy. That'll impress them."

"I'm worried that I'm falling behind everyone else, since they've been training and I haven't."

"This is just an introductory thing, to let our allies know the basics of who we are and what we're capable of. The basic thing they need to know about you is that you go for strategy rather than brute force. That's it. If you lose your fight and demonstrate total ineptitude at any kind of attack, you'll still have gotten the point across."

"I don't want to be totally inept."

Kisame elbowed him. "You're not. I was using that to make a point."

"How do you know?"

"I might not have seen you fight, but I've seen you enough in general to know how you move. I do not think you'll trip or stumble."

Itachi smiled. "Thank you. If I can avoid falling on my face in front of all our neighbors, that would be enough. I will make that my goal." He shifted. "So, Kisame… You seem to be more sure of your role in this group. Are you going to get a cloak?"

Kisame considered it. "Eh… Give me a little more time."

"Speaking of, I've heard that Konan's medical appointment earlier today went very well. Kakuzu was with her. She got her physical done and requested a referral for an evaluation. The doctor reportedly wrote one out on the spot."

"Heh, I bet he did. I'm so glad she's going through with that 'be somewhere else' plan."

"Kakuzu tells me that chaos will not be allowed to break out. We are going to hold our battles, as planned. He has decided to allow Konan to be with us. It is better that the vampires should see her at her worst and develop realistic expectations than to hide her away and let them build up her vices into horrible imaginary monsters."

"She's going to have to fight someone."

"The preliminary matchups, as he has started drafting them, are this: himself versus Konan, for safety reasons. He would be willing to change that to you versus Konan, if you'd like, because you will have the plushies on your side. You or him versus Hidan, to demonstrate to the vampires what Hidan is realistically capable of. Yahiko versus myself, for a relatively low-stakes fight with a greater focus on strategy and unconventional tactics. He is unsure how to match Nagato. Nagato is extremely powerful, but all of the most powerful opponents for him are already occupied. Deidara has seen enough battles for now, and Sasori is unsure if he wants to join in with his mechanical creation unfinished. He feels bad about breaking what he regards as an informal promise, so he has brought up the possibility of a basic ninja fight performed without any puppets at all. But then he would be at his lowest power. Against Nagato, that would be deeply unfair."

"Why not Nagato versus Konan, if he's so overpowered?"

"Based on her behavior last time, she will be willing to hurt her opponent. He will not. Not everything is about power."

"Could Sasori use the plushies as puppets?" Kisame wondered. "He's only used his strings to move objects around so far. If he attached them to something that had its own magic, could he force it to use its powers on his behalf like I can?"

"Let us find out." Itachi placed a hand on top of the pile of paper circles, stopping Little One from rearranging them. "Little One, we have a very important task for you. Don't worry, I will put your collection in a safe place." He put the pile on top of his dresser, then held Little One up to see. "Now we must go and visit Sasori."

Sasori was lying on top of his bed. "What is it?" he muttered. "I'm tired."

"Can you use your strings to take control of the plushies?" Kisame asked.

Sasori snorted. "Alright. Let's go outside." He led them out into the backyard. "Have you practiced controlling them yet, Kisame?"

"No."

"It's unlike anything we've ever done before. Figuring out how much chakra to use, how to give commands, etc. takes time. And you'd be controlling something with a mind of its own, that might resist you. You should be practicing right now."

Putting in the rods was hard enough. Give me a little time! I'm not used to being responsible for anything so small and dependent. I don't know how harsh it's okay to be. I wouldn't want to deprive them of free will. "After you."

Itachi put Little One down in the grass. Little One looked around. Sasori held out a hand. Strings flew from his fingers, making him smile. "This feels good. It's been a long time since I used my chakra like this. Perhaps there is room for the old-fashioned arts, after all." He made Little One turn around and raise his arms. "I can control his movements. Let's see about his magic." He kept Little One's arms raised. Little One looked around like he didn't know what was happening. Sasori sighed and let his strings go. "It's not happening."

Little One raised his arms and charged forward. When he reached the tree line, he turned back and looked up at Sasori. He tilted his head. Sasori narrowed his eyes. "Come here." After some gesturing, Little One came back. Sasori used his strings to turn Little One in Kisame's direction and raise his arms. After he let go, the doll looked at Kisame and levitated into the air. Kisame's eyes widened. Not lightning! Little One shot a fireball at him. It made Kisame wince and take a step back, but the fireball dispersed too quickly to set his clothes on fire.

"Jesus! A little warning would be nice."

"You're very big and durable. I thought it would be fine," Sasori said. "So I can use my strings to tell them that I want them to do something, and they'll try their best to figure out what I want and do it. It's better than nothing."

"Little One is the most cooperative of the plushies. Let me get another one." Kisame went back to the lobby. Solis and Manta were riding on Samehada's back, and Warlic was shooting at them with wind magic trying to knock them off. "Sorry, Warlic. Gotta interrupt your fun." Kisame took out his control rod and pushed chakra into it. He used a lot right from the start. All of the plushies immediately froze in place. Kisame gradually lowered the amount of chakra he used and tried to focus it only on Warlic, which involved using muscles he wasn't sure he had. But somehow, it worked. The others leaped off of Samehada's back and looked around while Warlic stood still. Okay, now turn my way. Warlic spun around. Not that much. Just turn a little. Warlic refused to turn at all. Lightning crackled around him. Come on, you little bastard. Warlic waved his arms. Kisame used more chakra and visualized what he wanted, which finally got Warlic to stumble across the floor to his side. "This is harder than it sounds."

"You'll get it," Yahiko chirped. "Go, Kisame!" Kisame chuckled and pulled Warlic down the hallway after him. The little doll kept wandering from side to side. Kisame let it happen. As long as he kept the plushie from using magic, he'd consider it a success.

By that standard, their short walk was successful. "You weren't kidding," Kisame said. "I have a lot more sympathy for dog walkers now."

Sasori sat on the now-barren rocky platform with cracks in it. "Told you." Little One lay on his back making grass angels. He sat up, saw Warlic and waved. Warlic waved back. Itachi muttered something about social behavior. Kisame pointed out that it would only be a few minutes until it was too dark to see the plushies, so could they please hurry up. Sasori stood and stretched. Kisame put the control rod back into his pocket, freeing Warlic, who Sasori immediately snagged. He made Warlic face the woods and raise his arms. Then he let go.

Warlic jumped up and down. He turned and raised his arms in Sasori's direction. Glowing runes appeared, and a gust of wind slapped Sasori in the face. Kisame took out the rod again. "No no no. None of that." Warlic froze and the magic immediately disappeared.

"You can use your strings to order them around, but they still have free will to decide if they want to obey and how," Itachi concluded.

"At least one of them's cooperative," Sasori muttered.

"This should be enough for you to fight Nagato," Kisame said. "Now let's get them inside and tell Kakuzu."

Kakuzu

Kakuzu was starting to realize the magnitude of the responsibility he had taken on.

With Konan gone, even with Hidan still around, he was in charge now. He put together the first draft of matchups, with Hidan offering suggestions. He, by himself, arranged with Deidara to fly the paperwork in to make an appointment for a psych evaluation. While at the doctor's office, he'd decided that the vampires should be able to talk to him directly, so he'd had Konan text Soye his number. Soye wanted to know what to expect, but the first draft of matchups was only a first draft. He had to ask Kisame if he wanted to switch, and he had to find out if Sasori was even going to be involved, and what the hell was going on with Nagato. It was a lot to keep track of. Kakuzu had kept track of matters more complex than this before, so he could do it. But the uncertainty that he felt hiding behind every detail, the knowledge that their plans could be derailed at any time, and his surprise that there was in fact so much to plan made it just as much of a challenge as any espionage mission.

Hidan returned. He and Kakuzu had tried to spend as much time working together in Kakuzu's room as they could. He put a plate of bacon on the bedside table next to Kakuzu. "Thank you," Kakuzu muttered as he took some.

In an unusual display of courtesy, Hidan did not snag one just to be cheeky. He came around the other side of the bed and sat on it, acting dignified and serious. Is this the version of him that Konan sees? "I just saw Sunshine and Samehada looking after the little guys together. Kisame's put the rods in and he's practicing his control. He borrowed Warlic for something; dunno what. Want me to bother him and Itachi?"

"Yes."

Hidan got off the bed. But just then, there was a knock at the door. "Got news," Kisame said. He cracked the door open. "Sasori can't use his strings to make the dolls use magic, but he can control their movements. This allows him to give them orders - they understand raised arms to mean 'charge' or 'attack.' At least one of the plushies is willing to obey those orders. He's all but explicitly agreed to fight, and I think being able to use one of the plushies puts him on more even ground with Nagato."

"Thank the gods," Kakuzu muttered. "That solves two of my problems. Now I just need to get in touch with Soye, then with Konan, then with Sakumo and possibly Jiraiya. Oh, and publish the matchups in the group chat. I should do that first in case anyone has a last-minute complaint. Can you tell I'm busy?"

"Yikes. I'm glad I could figure out something for you then."

"My respect for that girl was already decent, but this raises it."

Hidan grinned. "Up to the level of admiration?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

"Oh come on. She scares you, but is also crazy competent. Who wouldn't admire that?"

"Anything I can do?" Kisame asked.

"Check with Jiraiya. Hidan, you got Sakumo's number, right? Check in with him. But wait five minutes - I just published it in the group chat."

There were no last-minute complaints. Kakuzu sighed in relief. "Kisame, did you want to switch?"

"Hell no. Konan's thing is that she actually wants to hurt people. I don't want that. I don't have the stomach to face that. You're a lot better for her."

"I thought you might say that."

Someone asked if these fights were going to be split across Saturday and Sunday, since the time of day they were planning to hold them in wouldn't last long enough for all of the battles at once. If so, which battles were when? Kakuzu swore. Konan and I fight first, then Itachi and Yahiko. On Sunday, Kisame versus Hidan, followed by Nagato versus Sasori. I'm contrasting brute strength fights with more strategic ones. Kakuzu then left the group chat and related all of this information to Soye, minus his motivations.

Kisame spoke to someone outside, then entered the room and closed the door behind him. He sat on the floor against a wall and typed on his phone. While doing so, he said, "In case anyone's interested, Little One is the cooperative plushie. Warlic is more rebellious. I haven't tested Solis or Manta."

"Good to know," Kakuzu replied. "Thanks."

"I stepped up just in time, huh?"

"It is convenient."

Hidan laughed. He sat down on the bed again. "You know, this thing that's happening - you guys who are usually the holdouts making decisions, role swapping - this is great. It's a lot of fun, and I feel like everything's a lot more solid now."

Kakuzu growled. "Speak for yourself." But secretly, he agreed. It is kind of fun to take over her job for a while.

Nagato

Nagato tried to just relax, but the instincts he'd inherited from his original wouldn't let him. Why am I not in charge of anything? Is it because they think I'm not strong enough to handle it? Nagato couldn't believe he would have such thoughts about his friends and tried to deny them, but they came back again and again. Finally, in the dead of night, he was forced to face them.

He pulled out his phone and sent a message to Konan, since he wasn't getting any sleep anyway. My original's leadership instincts are bothering me. Can you calm them? He put his phone on vibrate so he would know when she responded, and settled in for a quick think.

I'm not doing well right now. I have too much on my plate to plan everything the way Kakuzu is doing. That's not weakness, just a fact. Nagato tried to imagine sorting out who was fighting who and getting Konan to her doctor's appointment and negotiating with allies, all while feeling guilty anytime he looked at Yahiko or the plushies, and shuddered. He understood perfectly well that that would be too much for him. Yet some part of him insisted on wondering, Why was I not even considered?

I was considered, he argued back. I was considered, and the fact that I'm overwhelmed right now is just as obvious to everyone else as it is to me. They didn't need to ask me to know I wouldn't want to be in charge of everything. This is them being considerate.

But he hadn't even been brought in as a consultant.

Nagato groaned and rolled onto his side. Thinking of Yahiko was actually the more appealing option! I want him, he doesn't want me, it's because I'm not interesting enough, and that hurts. It felt like he was being stabbed. Is the fact that I love him not distinguishing enough? Wanting to be by his side, wanting to help him along on his life journey, wanting to see his smile more than anything else - that doesn't set me apart at all? I want all of that so badly it makes my whole body ache. When he smiles, it's like the dawning of a new sunrise every time. Those feelings, which are powerful and amazing and bring meaning to my whole life, they don't matter to him at all? Does he not care? Has he bothered to even try to think of what I meant when I said I loved him, or did he nod and go right back to his daydreams in the clouds?

Nagato took a deep breath. "Enough," he whispered. He can't help being dreamy. By now, so many people have told him he's missing out on important things that he can't possibly be unaware. He knows it's negatively affecting him. Yet he still does it. It's not voluntary, and he's not choosing to ignore anything or anyone. He can't help it.

The anger refused to slink away as easily as that. It was the anger of one ignored and forgotten who thought they deserved better. I shouldn't waste my time on someone who can't recognize me for the great and valuable person I am. He wiped away the threat of tears. But I want him. Him, that orange-haired ray of sunshine with the brilliant smile and the dreams that fill me with hope. He's special, and he always will be. Nagato sniffled and put his arm firmly over his eyes.

Some time later, his phone buzzed. He was not any closer to sleep, so he checked it, hoping for relief. Konan had responded. Yo are not a leader in this world. There is nothing for them to speask about.

Nagato buried his face in his pillow. Why was my original so much better than me? A strong fighter, a leader of people, someone brave and bold and determined. Why am I not any of those things?

The anger whispered, Maybe it's because I wasted my time and energy on him.

Hidan

There was one more day to train before the battles. Eh, I've done enough. I feel more like climbing trees. He told Kakuzu he was going to do that, then stopped by Nagato's room for a quick kiss.

He found Nagato tired. And other things. He couldn't get a good look at the other things, but his instincts were flashing red alert signs. After the kiss, he said, "You okay?"

"No." Nagato raked his fingers through his hair. "I was okay enough to go to work the past couple of days. Like I was hanging in a weird state of suspension. But now it's hitting me. I have to call out." He lunged for his phone. "I still can't believe she gave me her personal number." He dialed it and held the phone up to his ear, waited several seconds. "...Yes. That's exactly why I'm calling. I'm sorry." A pause. "I'll be fine. I've got my friends here with me." Another pause. Nagato smiled. "Yes, Mother. I promise to eat well. Th-thank you. Hopefully I'll be fine by Monday. Say hi to Whisper for me." A pause. The remains of the smile left his face. "No, she won't be visiting either. There's…stuff going on. Yeah, it's - I'm figuring it out. Thank you." He ended the call. "My life is a disaster zone."

"Wanna climb trees?"

Hidan and Nagato climbed trees together. "This is nice," Nagato said. "Thank you for inviting me to do this."

Hidan was several branches above. "You feel this breeze? Ah, this is the life!" He threaded his way through several close-together branches and climbed higher as the tree creaked beneath him.

Nagato found a good place to sit instead. "I'm moving on to stage 2."

"Give me a sec." Hidan swayed with the tree, enjoying the rocking motion. Hey this actually would be a nice place to leave a cradle. If, you know, it was securely attached. Then he climbed down to Nagato's level. "Stage 2 of what?"

"The grief process," Nagato said. "Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I'm angry. It scares me, but there's no denying it. Not after the things I thought last night." He gave Hidan a short summary.

"Well, shit. It sounds like you've got things to be angry about. Being ignored is never fun. I'd never do that to ya, Moonlight." He nuzzled Nagato.

"I don't want to be angry at him. I know it's not his fault. I don't want to be throwing around blame when I know there's really no one to blame."

"You're not. I haven't seen you accuse anyone or glare. Being angry at someone isn't the same as blaming them."

Nagato bit his lip. "I might have left some things out." He told Hidan about the turn his angry thoughts had taken.

"Oh. Shit. You're not just mad at him, specifically, for ignoring you. You're mad in general because you might have made a mistake with your life goals. Shit, that kind of thing's a lot harder to manage."

"My original was more advanced than me. I mean, more advanced along the path I'd like to take. More determined and forceful, more capable of leading people, more capable of getting things done. My original also lost Yahiko when they were young. I don't want to admit to this, but… I wonder… If… If Yahiko's been like a millstone around my neck." Nagato ducked his head. Hidan felt a blast of shame.

He leaned into the motion of the tree to distract himself, then shook it off. "Maybe something's been a millstone around your neck. It's unclear what, and it's too late for finding out to help you. The important thing is, something about your relationship with him has hobbled ya, and you don't want to be hobbled anymore. Good news: you two are in the middle of remaking everything. Remake your relationship into something that doesn't hobble ya."

"Remaking a relationship isn't as easy as you make it sound."

"Remaking this particular relationship is. You're already doing it. What I was trying to say is, your anger is perfectly timed. You and him are breaking apart your old bond, currently, right now, and soon you're gonna start reforming it. Getting angry now gives you time to think about how you want to reform it. Make some plans!"

Nagato took a deep breath. "Well… Right now, I put most of my energy into supporting him. If he doesn't even hear half of it, then that's a real waste of resources. I should strive for my own goals. Once I think of some. Because I've been giving myself over to him for so long that I don't know what my own goals are or if I even have any. All the things I want come from him."

"Try getting in touch with your inner child," Hidan suggested. "The you from before you met him. What did you want then?"

"...I've always liked animals. Dogs."

"Cool. Dogs are warm and fuzzy."

"Dog-related goals. That's a start."

"Hey Moonlight?"

"Yeah?"

"I liked who you were right from the time we met. I didn't think you were only a shell of a person. You have a personality of your own. That means that, even if you got your goals from him, you must have agreed with them. You don't have to throw out everything just because it came from him. You can make it yours."

"I do like it when other people are happy. I love it when he smiles, but the same is true of other people too. Not just him."

"Making people smile. That's one fuckbasket of a start."

Nagato laughed. "I love the workarounds you come up with to avoid saying religious swears."

"...What?"

"Most people would say 'one hell of a start.' But you never say hell. Or damn, or jesus, or oh god, or anything like that. You've never noticed?"

"...Guess not."

"I'm observant," Nagato said. "That's something of my own that I definitely didn't get from him. Yeah. I can be my own person. I can do this."

Hidan hung upside down from his branch. "Don't forget the other three stages! Mourning is a good thing."

Nagato groaned. "It doesn't feel like it is…"

.

A/N: I originally had longer ideas for this story, back when I was thinking of it as a story, before I realized it was really a journal. Now I'm thinking I'd like to wrap it up before then. Not anytime soon; of course not. Just relatively soonish. Within the next couple years. Who knows, maybe I can reach that point within one year. I'm just in the mood for finally finishing something. For having my Sundays free for something else. Because I'm starting to have something elses I'd like to get to, and three ongoing stories is starting to seem like a bit much. These used to be the only personal responsibilities I had. Not anymore.

We'll see.

See you all next time.