A/N: Yeah, no. I'm giving up on any part of that planned expansion ever happening. If this story ever turns into a cute kitty omake, it'll be a miracle. This frees me up to take some things I was saving until then and do them now instead. Well, one thing. Anyway, here it is.

Passed my road test btw. I did promise updates on that.

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Kisame

The next day, Kisame decided he felt well enough to go to work. He visited Yahiko, got clean bandages put on, and received another dose of healing/soothing chakra. "If moving around and working irritates them, call me," Yahiko told him. "I'll drive over."

"Thanks," Kisame replied. He moved his arm and pressed fingers into the area surrounding his wounds, testing for pain or stiffness. As expected, there was none. "Hey Yahiko?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you such a ray of sunshine all the time?"

Yahiko blinked. "Well, I want to be."

"Yeah, but… Aren't you super neurotic? You've faced judgment and criticism and other people being assholes, just like I have. Why are you such a ray of sunshine when I know you know full well that it's not always appreciated? I know you're not as naive as you pretend to be, you surprisingly shrewd bastard."

Yahiko looked away. "Treat others the way you want to be treated, right? I want to…to be sure…to know that there is kindness and forgiveness and all that stuff in the world. I know those things exist because I do them. I still struggle to believe that I'll ever receive them, even after all the kindness you guys have shown me. But that's not the point; I just want to know they exist."

Kisame raised his eyebrows. "When did you figure that out?"

"I'm not sure. Sometime after the fashion contest, I think. I can't ignore how little sense it makes. People keep asking me about it. Konan asked me, 'Why do you treat yourself so much worse than you would treat others?' The whole question of…of how I've been treated, how I treat myself, how other people treat me, how I treat other people, it - it's all been swirling around in my head for a while. It still is." Yahiko looked him straight in the eyes. "Kisame, have I really been treated badly? Was it wrong for my parents to tell me I needed to be more like other boys?"

Kisame took a moment to think through his answer. "Yeah, you were treated badly. Whether it was wrong or not, well, I don't fucking know. I'm not a moralist. Whatever happens is whatever happens in my book."

Yahiko took a moment to think too. "They shouldn't have told me that," he concluded. "Not because it's 'wrong.' You're right; that's not a very helpful word to use. Telling me all of those things wasn't helpful either. It didn't make me happier."

Kisame put an arm over his shoulders. "Well, it made you a ray of sunshine, so I would call it a draw." Yahiko smiled. "I gotta go. See you around, kid."

Samehada wondered why he had been gone so long. Kisame told the shark that he had been comforting Yahiko. Samehada chirred; that was the most worthy of reasons. As Kisame got dressed, he glanced back at the shark. Samehada was throwing Solis into the air with his tail. Shit. I really gotta get around to asking Same about what he wants parenting-wise. How long has it been since I sat down and had a talk with him about what he wants? I can't remember. Dammit, I'm slipping back into old habits.

But the time for such a talk was not then, because they had to go to work. Or at least, he had to. He asked if Samehada wanted to come back to the aquarium with him. Samehada looked at Solis and shook his head. "Okay. See you later, buddy." Kisame gave his favorite shark a scratch, then left.

Deidara

"Do you have a shift today?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, an early one, hm." Deidara opened the fridge. Several of his favorite items were running low. "I think I'll go shopping after." Sasori grunted. They did separate activities in companionable silence for a while. Only then did it occur to Deidara to ask, "What about you, yeah? Are you going to work?"

"Yep."

"Say hi to Laurie for me."

"Naturally."

"And tell her she's an angel, and you know it, and you're not gonna try to deny it or make her act less like one just because it doesn't make sense to you, yeah."

Sasori stopped moving. "Is that what I was doing?"

Deidara shrugged. "Questioning people and acting as if they're being weird and reinterpreting everything they say to you sounds really likely to discourage them from trusting you or anything, yeah."

"I didn't mean…" Sasori's voice was quiet, hardly more than a whisper.

"I know. Just like I didn't mean to do it to you when I kept asking if you had a girlfriend yet, yeah. I'm still sorry about that."

"it's okay," Sasori said automatically. He paused. "It's okay because… I… I forgive you." From the corner of his eye, Deidara saw Sasori shiver. "Ugh."

Some more time passed. Deidara had no reason to stay in the kitchen, but he sensed that Sasori had something more to say, so he made up things to do while waiting for it. After he had drank a full mug of water and made an extra sandwich for Kakuzu as a way of apologizing, Sasori spoke again. "Forgiveness as a concept makes little sense to me. It violates cause and effect. I'm not a fan of eye for an eye punishment; that's not what I'm talking about. It just doesn't make sense that someone else can do something hurtful to you and you don't have lingering bad feelings about it."

"You just did it right now, though, yeah."

"Yeah, but… It still doesn't make sense."

"It makes perfect sense to me. You're just letting it go. Not gonna make a big deal out of it or think about it anymore."

"Letting it flow away," Sasori murmured. Deidara made supportive sounds. He didn't really understand what Sasori's problem even was.

He had some time before his shift, so he tried to pay a visit to Itachi, hoping to find out. He couldn't find Itachi anywhere. He sighed and changed his plans, dropping off his sandwich for Kakuzu first. "Here you go, man. I'm sorry for yelling at you in front of the plushies."

"I am sorry for bringing up Yahiko's original's death," Kakuzu said while accepting the sandwich. "Nothing our originals did before has to do with us now. I should know that."

"After what Nagato said last night, I realized that he'd dealt with it a lot better than I expected, yeah. He didn't fold as soon as you criticized him. He stayed strong. He wasn't seriously hurt by what you said, so I guess there's nothing for me to be mad about, yeah."

"Since when are you his keeper?"

"I'm the counterweight, and you're in charge right now. I'm contractually obligated to disagree with you."

"That's very annoying."

Deidara puffed up his chest proudly. "You can't steamroll me, yeah!"

"Or the goddamn dolls, which is why I won't have anything to do with them."

"You can't steamroll Hidan either, and you don't mind having him around," Deidara pointed out.

Kakuzu glared. "It was my decision to allow Hidan to continue to visit me after we first met. I didn't decide a damn thing about these dolls."

"What is it with you and having to be in control all the time?"

"That is the only way to survive in this world."

"Bullshit."

"Perhaps it is now," Kakuzu conceded, "but it used to be true."

Deidara made himself relax. "Did it really?"

Kakuzu's eyes glittered. "Do you want to hear about my childhood?"

"Oh. That. I kinda get what you're saying now." Deidara pushed his ponytail aside. "Um… I think I would, yeah. But I wanted to ask Itachi what's going on with Sasori. I can't find Itachi anywhere."

"You don't need him," Kakuzu replied. "I can explain it. You're young. To you, everything is still malleable. You don't yet know what it's like to have things that can't be changed. They're solid, rigid, hard to move."

"Something's blocking his energy!" Deidara blurted out. He cringed. "Sorry."

"Energy?"

"Yeah, he has trouble understanding forgiveness, understanding how anyone can just let negative energy flow away. He can do it himself, but he doesn't understand how it works. I guess if he can do it, he's not blocked. But why doesn't he understand it?" Deidara was confused again.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "If that's the way you want to think about it, fine. My point is, sometimes this so-called energy of yours gets stuck and knots up, turning into an impenetrable mass. Your bad habits are just twisted ropes. They're not comparable at all. You have no idea what it's like to have energy in the form of a thousand tangled necklaces. The sort with actual chain-link chains."

"Are you saying I don't know what I'm talking about because I've never been traumatized?"

"I am saying exactly that. It's easy to understand what you can pull apart and examine from all angles. Don't criticize anyone else for failing to 'understand' and 'get a grip on' things that are more difficult to deal with."

"I'm not! I'm not mad at him for not knowing what Laurie was saying!"

"You don't have to be."

"Fuck you, man. See if I ever make you a sandwich again." Kakuzu just rolled his eyes. Deidara managed not to storm out, but he did leave in quite a hurry. What the hell is wrong with him? I'm just trying to help.

He was glad to hide away until it was time to leave for his shift. Perhaps talking with someone else would have made him feel better, but he didn't want to. He put on his uniform and clocked in with a sense of relief, knowing that nothing more than simple manual labor would be expected of him for the next few hours. Apparently that was all he was good at.

Samehada

Human Cousin left the door open for Samehada and the little one. The little one immediately went out. Samehada followed. They watched Human Cousin leave for the tank-place. The little one turned and tilted its head. Confused?

Samehada rumbled soothingly. Reassurance. Confusion-answer. Nice nice kind joy you like yes. The little one turned away and went down the halls to the room where they were keeping all the doll-cousins. Samehada greeted all of the doll-cousins and nuzzled them. Then he turned to the little one and chirped. Good you answers yes now.

The little one pointed an arm at him, then raised his arms over his head and waved his whole body back and forth. You biiiiig?

Samehada briefly raised his upper half off the floor. I little big.

The little one raised its arms again and jumped. Big! Apparently it did not see a difference between Samehada and the humans. Everyone who was above it looked the same. The little one promptly went over to the funny device and pressed buttons, making it light up. Samehada watched it play a game. The game wasn't important; watching the little one play it was. The way the little one sat, the way it sometimes had to look down to press the right button, the way it held the smaller device, all of it was precious and beautiful. Samehada hardly even glanced at the screen.

Eventually the little one got up and walked away. Samehada pressed the button to make the device go dark, then followed. The little one needed Samehada's help to reach the doorknob for the doors to outside, which the shark gladly provided. Neither of them could open the door on their own, but together it was easy. They heard cracking noises. The noises turned out to be the little blue-marked one, which the humans called Warlic, whacking a big jug with the skateboard. Samehada chirred. Curiosity? What was the jug, where had it come from, and what was the bluish-brownish liquid inside?

Warlic kept whacking. The other little one, the follower, pointed inside a big open room. It was a strange sort of room, lined with shelves and not looking at all like a place to sleep. The big white owl that belonged to the person with mouths in his hands stood inside. Samehada followed the doll's pointing arm to a shelf near the owl's head. So that was where the jug came from. But what was it? They all watched Warlic at work, eager to find out.

Warlic threw the skateboard aside and jumped up and down angrily. The jug was too strong. No amount of whacking could damage it. Samehada trilled. I act! He bit the jug.

It cracked easily. It seemed to be brittle. The funny-looking liquid poured into Samehada's mouth. It tasted stale and old, but still noticeably sweet. Sweetness had no meaning to Samehada, as he only consumed chakra. He spit out most of it and wagged his tail, telling the little ones it was pleasant.

The little ones watched the spilled liquid ooze along the ground. They were unsure what to do with it. They had broken open the jug; now what? The little one that slept with Samehada levitated the jug into the air. The liquid inside sloshed, spilling more of it. The little one waved its arms in upsetness and put the jug back down. It raised its arms over its head. Big. The others nodded. If they could not carry the jug away, they would need to bring a human to it.

But before they could do that, Warlic got a new idea. He used water magic on the spilled liquid. It reacted just the same way, but it was blue, and therefore better. Warlic painted a blue bird of some kind flying above ferns, or they might have been trees, on the wall of the building. Samehada marveled at his artistic talent. He went on to paint deadly spikes, or they might have been flowers, as well as a group of mice, or they might have been raindrops. He even painted a big curving blotch that could only have been Samehada, or a river or a rat. Samehada licked his head.

The other little one, the one that the humans agreed deserved the title of Little One, came looking for the skateboard. It briefly looked at the paintings, then climbed on the board and tried to push itself along without using magic. A game was always more fun with friends, so Samehada joined in, pushing the board with his snout. All the other little ones wanted their own private rides, too. The blue liquid was forgotten.

Samehada eventually felt tired, so he yawned and trilled goodbye to the little ones. They all sat down on the sun-warmed pavement and did not move. They looked just like the doll-cousins. Samehada was briefly confused. Had they somehow…? No, they were the same. He shook himself and wondered how he could have confused them with the doll-cousins. He yawned again and tried to go inside to take a nap. But the front door was closed again. Samehada whined and tried to climb up the nearby wall. He didn't realize he'd fallen off until he lay on the ground. How could he have fallen off? His chakra grip was normally sure. He tried to climb again, and realized he was having trouble. His tiredness didn't feel right. He whimpered. Where was Human Cousin?

He went back to the little ones and lay down near them to take his nap. He drifted into a drowsy state, neither awake nor asleep. It was filled with fear, and it hurt.

Kakuzu

Kakuzu asked Konan how to avoid conflict with Deidara. She gave him her best advice, which was to take Deidara's words seriously and allow for the possibility that he needed to change his behavior. Kakuzu snorted. Deidara was brash, easily offended and snappy. In other words, young. It was very hard to take him seriously. So Konan sent out paper butterflies to locate Itachi, who turned out to be on the roof, and they sought out whatever guidance he had to offer.

"I do not think there is anything about your behavior that needs to change," Itachi told them. "It seems that Deidara only counters whoever is currently in charge. Kakuzu is best suited to being in charge when there is a specific need that requires organization and discipline. It was good to have him making decisions when we prepared for the training battles, but now that the event is over we should go back to our usual leadership situation."

"I have been considering that," Konan replied. "Especially as we will require greater, not less, flexibility in order to handle…significant upsets."

Why does she talk as if she expects these extra group members to show up any second now? Maybe she's just being cautious. Kakuzu realized that assuming they would show up very soon was being cautious, because new members showing up while he was the one making decisions would be the worst possible scenario. She was right. Only Hidan could welcome in new group members. "Alright then," he said, pulling out his phone. "Forget about the whole 'experimenting with being apart' idea. Those two aren't even sure if they're going to do it. If we need Hidan back now, we need him now." Konan nodded. Itachi shrugged. Kakuzu made the call.

Hidan picked up almost immediately. "Hey, Moonlight's adoptive dad is going to visit today. Sorry. I just kept forgetting to tell anyone."

"Good to know. You can come back now. Konan's episode seems to be over, and I'm having some difficulty coping with our version of a normal life."

"All fucking right! I'll check on how everyone is, go and get myself a new cloak since the old one was torn to shreds, and then showtime!" Hidan sounded downright gleeful. He ended the call mid-laugh.

"I will not let my last act as person in charge be arguing with Deidara," Kakuzu declared. "I will step down honorably, after doing my own survey of current activities to make sure everything's alright." Konan smiled. Itachi voiced his approval and said that by choosing to step down after realizing another person would do a better job, Kakuzu was demonstrating that he was indeed very good at leadership. Kakuzu felt something inside of him loosen. He hadn't known it was tight. It is…good to hear someone who's actually qualified to do so affirm my abilities. I'm not a natural leader, but I have what it takes. That's good to know.

He took his promise very seriously, beginning his survey right then. Konan said that yes, her episode was over. She estimated her metaphorical magma level to be mid-lower chamber and decreasing. Itachi said that he had almost entirely moved past his guilt from hurting Yahiko mentally. He would be willing to check on Deidara in Kakuzu's stead, if that was desired. Kakuzu agreed it would be a good idea. Itachi left the roof to do that. Kakuzu informed Konan of what he had already learned of Sasori's current condition. Konan thanked him for sharing this information and echoed Itachi's sentiment. Kakuzu felt very good about himself as he descended from the roof into the backyard. Nagato was there, practicing his physics manipulation in an effort to stave off further depression. So far, it was working. Yahiko brought out drinks. He apologized for only having brought some for himself and Nagato. Kakuzu could tell just by looking at him that he was doing well. Yahiko said Kisame had gone into work, which meant good things. Myself and Hidan, Konan, Yahiko and Nagato, Kisame, Itachi, Sasori and Deidara. That's all the humans accounted for. If I'm really serious about making sure everything is alright, I'd better check on Samehada and those dolls too. Just looking at them to make sure they're not destroying anything can't possibly count as interfering with them.

Kakuzu waited for Itachi to return with news about Deidara. In the meantime, Yahiko got another drink for him and Nagato showed off his progress. He was getting good at warping the flight path of a kunai. Kakuzu nodded with approval. They sat together and chatted about how great it would be to have Hidan back for quite a while before Itachi appeared. He apologized, saying that after briefly conversing with Deidara, he'd taken the time to send Dei a series of text messages about the difference between responsibility and blame. "There are many results that originate from this single concept. I'm afraid I got rather absorbed."

"Is he less angry at me?"

"Yes. He understands the point you were trying to make now. It is easy to unintentionally hurt another person, so he should be more careful and ask those he is speaking to if they want to hear his opinion instead of blundering ahead and assuming the kindness of his intentions will protect them from all harm."

"Good. I'm going to check on Samehada and the dolls now, because they live under the same roof. You can accompany me to make sure I don't break my non-interference agreement. So then. Where is Samehada right now?"

"I do not know for sure, but I assume with Kisame at the aquarium. If they are not there, they could be anywhere. But they are unlikely to incite conflicts with our neighbors or come to any harm, so I'm sure they're fine."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "Neutral?" He could feel Yahiko and Nagato watching.

"Technically, Samehada's sex is unknown," Itachi explained. "I am striving to be more accurate in my language."

"Has anybody flat-out asked the shark whether they're male or female?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"Perhaps I should, since I have my own suspicions," Kakuzu said. "Now let's hunt down those dolls."

After doing a very quick search of the building, they found the dolls outside in the front parking lot. Little One was waving his arms frantically at the others, who sat and looked confused. Samehada slept nearby. "I was wrong," Itachi said as they walked up. "Shall I speak to them?"

"Sure."

Little One ran up to Itachi. Itachi knelt down with a smile. "Hello, Little One. How are you and your friends?"

Little One waved his arms frantically and jumped up and down. He ran over to Samehada, climbed onto the shark's back, and began punching Samehada in the dorsal fin. Itachi winced. Kakuzu made to grab Little One and take him away, but stopped when he noticed that Samehada wasn't responding. A chill ran down his back. He knelt down and shook Samehada roughly. The shark made a series of broken sounds similar to a moan. Oh fuck me. No. Not now. Not under my watch. Dammit!

"Solis has something to say," Itachi said. Kakuzu looked at the other doll. Solis turned and walked away. He led them about thirty feet away to the garage. In front of the garage sat a broken, shark-bitten jug of discolored blue liquid. A long-forgotten memory flashed in Kakuzu's ears. He turned and looked at the shelves in the garage. Aside from the occasional rusted tool, they were all empty. Antifreeze. Hidan told me, when he first explored this place after Konan invited us, that there was a jug of antifreeze on a shelf in there.

"Kakuzu?" Itachi asked in a whisper.

"Itachi, get your strategic mind working on how to explain this to Kisame. He might just split with us again if we're not careful." Kakuzu felt Itachi's aura change to one of sheer terror. He pulled out his phone, returned to Samehada's side and comforted himself by taking action. Any action would do, as long as he was taking action on the source of his fears.

Konan appeared soon. She was on high alert. "What has happened?"

"Samehada's been poisoned."

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A/N: Four. Years. That's how long I've been waiting for someone to drink the antifreeze. It's amazing how I can remember something like that for so long, but forget very important things that I only learned an hour ago.

Everything said about the liquid's color and Samehada's symptoms was researched at the University of Google. Everything said about the garage it came from was researched by going back to reread chapter 5 of this story. Oh my god, my writing was so bad back then. So vague. I could rewrite this story significantly by changing not a single thing, just rephrasing it all to be clearer. Ugh.

On a completely unrelated note, turns out there are more books in the Conversations With God series than just 3. Check them all out! Again, if my style works for you, so will those books. Turns out God and I agree on many things.

See you all next week!