A/N: Something bizarre is happening. I never thought this would come to be. The publishing of this fic...is now second to the writing of it. I have a strong feeling like I would continue to write this story even if I could not publish it.

That is huge. I've never been able to do something just for myself before, without external reinforcement. To be able to do something just because I want to? Without forgetting it, without distraction, without looking back empty months or years later and wondering where my dream went? That is huge. That is an ability I always wanted to have. Finally! Haha! *happy tears*

I'm sure that has nothing to do with the appearance of trained, disciplined characters. Nothing at all. /blatant lie

.

Konan

The look in his eyes was just as she remembered. He looked like he wanted to hurt someone and he would enjoy their screams as he did so. His lip touched one pointed canine. The necklace rested in its proper place above his heart. He chuckled menacingly. "You look different."

Konan smiled. "Naturally." She raised her right hand, manifested paper claws before his eyes, and placed it over his heart. She dug her claws in gently, ever so gently, teasing just one drop of blood each from his skin. His tail flicked rapidly as he purred. He leaned toward her, seconds away from grabbing her, and she planned to let him.

But then, Nagato made waking-up sounds. Her Nagato. Her brother. The one who had known her since childhood, who had seen Yahiko die just as she had, who she'd spent nearly all her life with. Konan dug her claws in more painfully, then took her hand back and unmade the paper. She passed him - his eyes caught hers as she did so, making her stomach flip - and stood at the foot of Nagato's bed, waiting. He turned his head, squeezed and relaxed his eyelids several times. Unless he had nightmares, he woke up slowly. That was the sort of thing you knew about someone you'd spent your life with. Konan smiled again, glad to have that familiarity back. She had gotten used to living among strangers from a strange land. As painful as her former life had been, it was a relief to be among her own kind again.

"Who are these people?" Hidan asked.

Nagato opened his eyes in a flash. He identified the source of the voice instantly, taking in Hidan's new appearance. Then he scanned the rest of the room, seeing Konan and Yahiko. He sat up in one quick, controlled movement. Since there was no immediate threat, he scanned the room again. His face betrayed nothing about his thoughts. Having fully assessed his situation, he stood up and turned to Konan. "Konan, report."

Konan dipped her head once in polite acknowledgment, but did not immediately do as asked. I must make it clear that my position has changed. I am no longer subordinate to him. I am now a leader in my own right. If anything, he is temporarily subordinate to me, but I will not enforce that because he is my brother. Though she knew it was risking confusion, she turned to Hidan. Complying with his request first would make it seem as if he was more important than Nagato. Once they learned about Clone Hidan, surely they would agree that this was true. "Hidan, this is Nagato. He is the one you have known as Leader sama. That man over there is Yahiko. He died long ago, providing Leader sama's body."

"You're Leader sama?" Hidan asked with a grin, studying Nagato far more intensely than Nagato was comfortable with.

"Our stations have not changed, Hidan," Nagato replied. "You will behave."

"Yes, you must, at least for the time being," Konan agreed. She went over to Yahiko and shook him by the shoulder. He groaned. Another shake activated his shinobi sensibilities, causing him to wake up instantly. Her face was the first thing he saw.

Konan smiled at him, then stepped back, grateful that she had spent so long with his clone. It would have been a far more painful reunion on both sides if she had still been the victim of painful flashbacks and angry outbursts. Yahiko sat up with a matching smile. "Konan!" He looked around. "Nagato! And…who are you?"

"His name is Hidan," Konan replied. "Introductions and explanations are in order." She returned to her place by the door so that they could all look at her at once. I hope I am not exaggerating my station. "The basic situation is this. You all died. The entire Akatsuki has died, in fact. Due to a strange and still unidentified phenomenon, upon your deaths a piece of your soul was torn away. This piece crossed into another world and provided the seed for the formation of a world clone. World clones have the same powers as their originals initially, and may go on to develop others. Using their unique powers, Clone Hidan and Clone Yahiko combined their efforts in order to bring the three of you back to life. Only the three of you have been reanimated; no others. I have not had an opportunity yet to interrogate them as to why they did this."

The others took some time to digest this information. While they did so, Konan's phone buzzed. She took it out and read Nagato's message. So he and I have the same suspicions. That will make it much harder to explain what is really going on with this world. She switched her phone off, then held it up and explained, "This is a communication device in common use in this world. The clones used it to create a centralized network for dispersal of critical information. Nagato's clone sent a message just now warning everyone to be alert and careful when interacting with you." She glanced at Hidan while saying that last part.

"Konan, how did you come to be here?" Nagato asked.

"I died while clinging to the dreams that we shared. In other words, while actively holding my soul together. Because of this, a piece of my soul could not be torn off, so the entirety of my soul was forced into this world. I never made it to the afterlife at all."

Hidan huffed. "So we're stuck in another world with a bunch of pussy-ass clones. Great. I don't even get to have revenge on that goddamn asshole kid who buried me alive!"

"Is this world like ours, or is it filled with hope?" Yahiko asked.

Konan smiled. "It is closer to what we dreamed of." He grinned.

Nagato sighed. "What is the purpose of this?"

Konan's smile faded. "The clones and I have learned some things. But it would be better not to stand and chatter all day." Outside the windows, the day had fully begun. "They should be awake soon. Let me give a tour first."

She led them outside the room, into the hallway. "We are on the second level of a two-level building. This, the upper floor, is disused. Everything important is downstairs." She turned to her left and led them to the stairs. "These stairs are located at the rear of the building. An entrance to the backyard is just beyond." They all leaped over the side of the stairs, of course. Upon landing, she showed them each of the two training rooms. "For reasons that are best explained later, the clones do not travel freely for kilometers each day. They really only have a small geographic area available to them, and it is full of woods and buildings. As a result, they primarily train in weaponcraft and taijutsu, specifically in the precise control of such. Do not look down on them for their abhorrence of powerful techniques. It makes sense given their environment and resources."

"So what, we're in a fucking zoo?" Hidan growled.

"Patience, Hidan."

"Also, yes," said another voice. They turned around to find Kakuzu watching from across the hall. He had his iron skin technique activated from head to foot and stayed at a distance with his arms crossed. He narrowed his eyes. "You do not get to run around destroying anything and anyone you please just because you won't suffer consequences. In this world, it's impossible to travel very far. If you destroy a building, you'll have to look at it every day. If you kill someone, whatever group they belonged to will be angry at you, and you'll have to face their anger. Actions have consequences around here. So be careful."

Original Hidan laughed. "Those sound like bonuses, not punishments! All I have to do is kill a few people, and the rest will line up for the slaughter?" He licked his lips. "Haha! I take it back! This world is great!"

Kakuzu clenched his fists. "Jashin sama isn't the only god around, and the gods aren't the only beings of that power level around, either. There are at least half a dozen beings in a five mile radius that can reduce your body to dust or tear your soul from it before you can even blink, and most of them are in agreement that they prefer this place just the way it is. Go ahead and get yourself re-killed if you want. Just be aware that that is what you're doing." He turned and stalked away.

When he was fully out of sight, Nagato asked, "Was he bluffing?"

"No," Konan replied. "Shall we finish the tour?" She led them quietly past several rooms to the basement stairway. "This stairway leads down to our basement. The room is lined with metal and there is a symbol of Jashin permanently installed in the floor." Hidan made strangled sounds. Konan remembered something that Kakuzu had said once, so she led them to the kitchen before he could recover. Four pies stood on metal trays on one counter, covered by some kind of transparent wrap to keep them from going stale. Aside from that, the kitchen was entirely pristine thanks to Yahiko's cleaning spree the day before. He acted as if he needed to prepare the building to receive guests. Did he plan to bring them back ahead of time? If so, why did he not tell me? "This is our kitchen. Those cabinets up there hold dishes. This drawer contains eating utensils. There is the stove, and there is a refrigerator to store food in so it stays cool." She opened a certain set of cabinets. "This is where a sink should go, but as you can see, there is no sink here." She traced a finger along the edges of the counters, which were subtly worn and darkened in such a way that you would have to be either looking very closely or a ninja to spot it. "The building was in exactly this condition when we found it. It was abandoned before we moved in, yet had perfect working electricity. Aside from the inexplicable lack of a sink, everything works perfectly. All utilities are provided. There has not been so much as a single leaky pipe."

"That is unnatural and suspicious," Nagato murmured.

"Yes, yes it is."

"There is something else that you're not telling us, isn't there?" Yahiko asked.

Konan gave him her blankest look. "Kakuzu was not bluffing. In fact, he undercounted."

All three originals looked around. "Understood," Nagato replied dryly.

Konan's phone buzzed again. It was a message from Itachi. Is it safe to speak to them?

Yes, she typed back.

"Hello there," Itachi said, peeking his head around the corner as if he had only just found them there. "I am Itachi. Is the tour just about finished?"

"Only trivial details remain," Konan told him.

She was just about to introduce him by his group role, but Hidan said, "Hey, what's this?" She turned to find him reading the papers that were on the fridge. Dammit. She held up a hand to signal everyone else to stay quiet and let him read. When he seemed to be done, she beckoned Itachi forward.

"Ah, I see you have found our code of operations," Itachi said. "I devised those, with input and guidance from others. They establish standards for how we are to conduct our primary activities."

Hidan's left eyebrow twitched. "Your primary activities…are talking about each other's personal problems."

"Yes."

Hidan was likely to fly into a rage and try to kill him, so Konan stepped forward, shielding Itachi with her own body. "That has to do with the nature of the powerful beings in this region. Exploring each other's personal problems grants the clones access to increasingly powerful abilities. If they had not done so, Yahiko and Hidan would not have been able to bring you back to life." As she spoke, she calculated how much information they had received, the span of time they had received it in, and how much more information they were likely to receive soon. She realized she was wrong. It was not safe for Itachi to speak to them. It was risky for any clone to speak to them right now, but Itachi was downright disastrous. She had to separate them. "It would be a good idea to become acquainted with our surroundings. Itachi, please coordinate activities in my stead."

"Understood." Itachi backed away quickly, no doubt reading the menace in Hidan's body language. Konan saw the way Nagato looked at her. He had some questions. A lot of them. A not-pleasant experience awaited her.

Excellent. A scenario which requires skill and effort to navigate is just what I have been wishing for. Konan smiled. "I will try to keep our neighbors from bothering you too much."

Itachi

It didn't take long for Itachi to figure out why Konan had ordered him away. He wanted to think her worries were overblown, but he couldn't confidently say they were. He was glad to not have to find out. He guessed that the wisest thing to do would be to organize a morning meeting, so that's what he did. Hopefully Konan had turned her notifications off, because there was a flurry of activity in the group chat. Everybody had something they wanted to know. Itachi had only to say, Let's have a meeting in the sunroom, and everybody showed up.

Hidan sat in the chair and leaned back, looking exhausted. Yahiko was groggy, but at least he had the strength to stand. Zetsu and Obito had fled after last night's events, and who could blame them? That left only the ten core members, plus the dolls. Kisame and Samehada came late. "Sorry if anyone was waiting. I had to grab these guys first."

"Good idea," Itachi said. "We must find out if they have been altered."

There was nothing obviously different about the dolls. They looked around, saw a bunch of humans and a chair and nothing else, and scattered to play their own games. Warlic and Manta climbed onto Hidan and the chair he sat on. Little One sat at the base of the chair. Once Samehada got down from Kisame's back, Solis climbed onto her back just behind her dorsal fin. They weren't about to cause chaos, so everybody else sat for the meeting. Hidan grumbled and slid off the chair to sit right next to Little One. Warlic raised his arms in celebration and stole the vacated spot.

Kisame raised a hand. "Why the fuck did you two bring those people back to life?" He bared his teeth. Kakuzu and Nagato seconded the question, while everyone else leaned forward to hear the answer.

"Well, I sensed that I could, and I've spent too much time giving up my power because of constantly worrying about offending people, so… I just didn't wanna do that anymore." The way that Yahiko shrank as he said this indicated that his feelings had changed. His old nervousness was back. But with the Sharingan, Itachi could not detect a sign of regret. Even with so many eyes on him, Yahiko was not giving up. He secretly fought to bring back that empowered feeling. Itachi wished he had telepathic powers. He wanted to urge Yahiko to keep fighting. But that was impossible in a meeting.

Hidan yawned. "And I've always missed Other Me like crazy. Next question."

"What do we do now?" Deidara asked.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier?" Kisame asked Nagato.

"Original Hidan threatened my life," Nagato said. "When was the last time we faced a real, serious threat? I don't think we can expect as much narrative convenience as we got before."

Kakuzu's eyes flashed. "In other words, I was right. I've always thought that narrative convenience might fall someday."

"Yeah, so, we need to get serious," Nagato said.

"Hold up," Sasori said, raising a hand. "We're getting sidetracked. I'm not worried about hypothetical constructs appearing or disappearing. The solid, concrete facts are that we have yet more people we're going to be dealing with. What are they like?"

"I have seen them," Itachi announced. "Original Hidan is, indeed, prone to violence. He read our code of operations, deduced that our primary activities are talking about each others' personal problems, and got so angry about it that he would have threatened my life if Konan had not stepped in. Konan will be occupied for a while keeping him from harming anyone. She asked me to take command in her stead, but I don't know if she meant that over the long term or only for this morning."

There was a quick vote. Nobody had a problem with Itachi giving orders, but they thought he and Kakuzu should work together. Itachi and Kakuzu agreed to this. "What about the other two?" Kisame asked.

"Original Nagato's body language was significantly more confident than our version's," Itachi replied. "He was the leader of our originals' group, and he's become comfortable with that role. He will most likely find some way to continue to lead in this world. He and Konan may work together, as they used to. If he cannot find a way to do that, he might become depressed. He didn't seem happy about being alive again; more like resigned."

"Original Yahiko?" Nagato asked.

"Did not look any different from our Yahiko, to be honest. But I only caught a quick glimpse."

"She did say at the first funeral that they were practically identical," Sasori said.

"I learned why I exist," Yahiko said. He told them of the memories he had received at the height of his power. "My original might have died before world cloning was a thing, but he came back to help Original Nagato when Original Nagato died. That's how his soul got caught by…whatever it is."

"Is that why you brought the both of them back?" Itachi asked. "I did wonder how you could possibly have brought back an original that wasn't your own. But if they were bonded together…"

"Yeah," Yahiko said, blushing. Nagato looked away. Itachi could guess what they were thinking. Might their originals have the sort of bond that Nagato has been longing for this whole time?

Hidan yawned again. "'Scuse me." He crawled to a more open section of carpet where he could stretch. He ended up laying on his back staring up at the ceiling, trying not to fall asleep. "Fuck this shit," he mumbled.

"Are you okay?" Sasori asked. "You're a lot more tired than Yahiko is."

"I nearly died," Hidan snapped. "My memories are looted."

Everyone looked at him. Kakuzu went over to his side and studied him, eyes narrowed. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

"No."

"Do you remember the time I introduced you to My Little Pony?"

"Yeah."

"Meeting Konan?"

Hidan scrunched up his face. "...Kinda?"

"Do you remember the time you tried ice skating?"

"Think so."

"What about the fight with the succubus?"

"The what?"

Yahiko gasped. Without a second's hesitation, he took off his own shirt and threw it onto Hidan's bare chest. "Hidan! Close your eyes and try to change your form. Without using a jutsu or anything."

Hidan did as requested. Yahiko let out a great big sigh of relief when it worked. Hidan turned slightly to ask what was going on, then clutched his chest and froze. "What the shit?" He looked down at himself and grinned. "Haha!"

"You got this power from fighting a demon with the same ability," Kakuzu said. "Now turn male again and give Yahiko his shirt back." Itachi glanced over and saw Nagato watching Yahiko, his shoulders tensed as if he would rather not be but couldn't help it. Fortunately, Yahiko hadn't noticed. The shirt return went off without a hitch. Nagato was relieved, but also disappointed.

"Looks like you remember enough to function," Kakuzu said. "We can sort out the details later." He returned to his spot. Hidan remembered he was tired and crawled back to the chair so he could stay vertical. He picked up Little One and held the doll in his lap. Little One leaned back against his stomach.

"Samehada, bring Solis to me," Itachi ordered. She did so. Itachi examined Solis very closely with the Sharingan, both while the doll sat on her back and when Itachi held him. "They do not have a complete musculature, so the Sharingan is of little benefit. But he does not seem to be obviously altered. If there is any change, it must be subtle."

Solis crawled into Itachi's lap as soon as he was put down. "I hope they haven't gone back to attacking everybody," Kisame muttered. "I don't think Yahiko has the energy to fix them again."

Itachi patted the doll's soft plushy head. "Based on everything that has been said so far, the situation appears relatively stable. There is no cause for panic."

"We can have pie," Yahiko said brightly.

Kisame sighed. "Yeah, I guess we'd better, after we went to all the trouble to make it."

Original Nagato

He couldn't get over how different Konan was. He had known her for nearly his entire lifetime. They had grown up, side by side and back to back, always relying on each other, always connected. He had known her as thoroughly as he knew his own right arm. Now, seeing her looking and acting so different unsettled him greatly. It felt like the ground beneath his feet had been reduced to rubble which might slide at any moment.

He asked her many questions about the clones' group, about their history, how she had come to know them, their development, etc. Indirectly, he used these questions to probe for information about Konan. How was she? How difficult had it been for her to be marooned in a strange world? Did she require his assistance? Konan answered all of these questions with a firm voice and a strange look in her eyes, a look that Nagato would have expected to see on a Kage or someone of similar rank. She used his questions as springs to propel herself to topics she wanted to cover, taking control of the conversation. Unquestioningly, she was in charge. The answers to his unstated questions were Excellent, Rather Difficult, but No, She Did Not Need Help.

Nagato was surprised to find himself feeling uncomfortable. He never would have dreamed of being uncomfortable around Konan. But now that there was no difference in their rank, now that she was just as much of a leader as he was, now that it was possible that he might be subordinate to her… He had to hold himself back from reclaiming his former power. Konan irritated him, frustrated him, and made him sad. If he could not lead anymore… What was the purpose of his existence?

She stopped. In the middle of a joyful exchange with Yahiko about how the clones had allied with nearly every neighboring group, she suddenly turned her back on them all to face the street. Sadness descended on her. Nagato eased. That was more familiar. She raised a hand to gracefully acknowledge the end of her conversation with Yahiko, then murmured, "Yes, my time here has been fruitful. Yet… Well, I cannot help but wonder what has become of our old world."

She most likely intended that to be a graceful segue into explaining to Yahiko all that had happened since his death. Nagato calculated quickly. Should he cut her off, or let her complete her maneuver? The first could be seen as rude, as trying to usurp her power. He had only been awake and in her territory for less than two hours. It would be much too rude. Better to wait until later. In fact, it would be best to tell her about the war when they were alone. Only she would understand the importance of Naruto's growth. So Nagato stayed silent and let Konan divulge the bad news: that she and Nagato had failed to stop their world from descending into chaos and war. She told Yahiko that their world had been headed towards war when she died, and that based on clues she would reveal the nature of later, the war seemed to be very advanced. It might be over by now. She finished with, "It has only been a couple of months. A war of that size, to be over so quickly… There must have been many deaths." She stopped then, but not because she had no more to say. The way she tilted her head indicated that something new had occurred to her. Of course. She is not a scout giving a report upon completion of a mission. She is a leader, and a leader's work is never done. Nagato's heart panged. He was fond of her waiting silences. The gentle way she held herself still, or busied herself with minor work if there was time, in between receiving orders calmed and soothed him. Would he ever see it again?

Yahiko hung his head. "That is sad to hear," he murmured. "Another great ninja war… Do they ever end?"

"It seems that shinobi in our world are doomed to never find peace," Konan replied. "But it is different in this world. Let us not dwell on the sad things of the past. The clones made desserts last night to celebrate recent accomplishments. Let us share in those instead."

Nagato was first inside after her. He was eager to make his own observations of the clones' group. He especially wanted to see how they reacted to her. That would determine if he should suck it up and get used to being subordinate, or if there might be another option.

They found Clone Yahiko and Clone Nagato cutting up the pies and preparing to transport them elsewhere. Nagato's clone froze upon spotting them. He looked badly frightened. He glanced away, shrinking back. Clone Yahiko took charge, beaming at them. "Hey! We're just about to serve pies in the sunroom. Oh, uh, sure, here's - here's some." He hurriedly thrust a large slice into Hidan's hand. Hidan tsk'ed and took a big bite out of it. His tail flicked impatiently. He hadn't participated at all in the earlier conversation. That indicated that alliances, meetings, all those sorts of things bored him. I've seen how he gets when he's bored in the past. It really was not a good idea to revive him. I don't know how I'm going to restrain him.

"Hidan, I intend to ask your clone why he and Yahiko chose to revive you. After that, you may leave if you wish. The basement is open for anyone to explore," Konan said. Hidan's ears perked up. That's right. I will not be the one restraining him. I'm not the leader here.

Nagato attempted to distract himself by focusing on the clones. "I have heard that you made these to celebrate recent accomplishments."

"Yup," Clone Yahiko chirped. Clone Nagato sliced up whatever still needed slicing, then went over them again to make sure the slices were fully separated in a transparent attempt to avoid attention. It didn't work, but Nagato let him save face. There would be time to find out why he was so shy later. Clone Yahiko covered for him well, scratching the back of his head and chuckling. "I'm not sure you guys would understand exactly what's so accomplished about them. It's kinda hard to explain…"

"If you take joy in them, that's enough," Original Yahiko said. "We will share in your joy."

Clone Yahiko grinned. "I have a technique that lets you literally do that. Would it be okay to use it?"

"You have a technique for directly transmitting your emotions to another person?" Nagato asked, just to clarify. What a powerful technique! To share your heart with another, openly, with no barriers. That is what we always wanted. That is the kind of peace we desired. To think it was a clone in another world who discovered it… Heh, I really was not as impressive as I thought I was.

"Yeah. It's called Angel Jutsu," Clone Yahiko said. "I guess I'll have to show it to you now that I've named it. Is everything good? Oh, Nagato, don't forget the ice cream!" He and Clone Nagato carried two pies each. For lack of arm space, Clone Nagato handed the tub of ice cream to Konan, who carried it with no comments. Interesting. The sunroom turned out to be just across from the kitchen. As the clones put pies and ice cream in the center of the carpet, Nagato pinched Yahiko's sleeve and led him to the side of the room where they could observe everything. He noticed that Zetsu and Tobi were not present. Good. I don't want to have to explain why those people became Akatsuki members just yet. The last Yahiko knew, they were strangers who approached me with an offer too good to be true. And, well, that turned out to be exactly the case.

"A smaller group than I remember," Yahiko murmured as the clones went back for plates. "And I don't recognize any of them."

They stood behind the large stuffed chair. Nagato's back stiffened as an unknown creature poked its head over the back to look at them. A second one soon joined it. They were humanoid, but devoid of facial features except for eyes and obviously made of artificial materials. Like dolls that had been brought to life. The doll-creatures stared, unblinking. They were repellant, creepy little creatures. Why did Konan allow these into her base?

"Uh, no," Clone Kisame said as he stood. "Warlic, Manta. They're, uh, new here. They've seen a lot of new things. Give them a chance to sit down and rest before you play with them, okay?" He picked up the doll creatures and took them away with him, placing them next to Samehada, who was now an actual shark. Samehada nuzzled the doll with the blue mark, causing it to wave its arms.

The clones returned with plates and utensils, then announced that everything was ready. Only then did everyone else reach for plates and begin serving themselves. Nagato stayed where he was and watched as they passed plates to each other, sometimes even acquiring a piece of pie and an eating utensil before handing it over. He could not determine if the people that received the most assistance would be lower ranking than the others or higher. Regardless of which way he looked at it, he couldn't see any hierarchy at all in this brief exchange. There did not seem to be any sense of deference in any of the clones. One might be handed a plate and then fetch the rest themselves, while another might get a plate and a piece of pie but be handed an eating utensil. Nagato saw a clone lean over the stack of plates and hand out two of them to people who the clone could not see. What did that indicate about their hierarchy?

"Come, sit," Clone Itachi beckoned. He made space between himself and someone who sat against the front of the chair. "Have some." Nagato and Yahiko accepted his offer, sitting in the indicated spot. Clone Itachi looked up at Hidan, who still leaned against the wall. "You as well," he called. "Our Hidan has been looking forward to meeting you."

"What fucking ever," Hidan muttered as he stalked over. He placed his scythe against the wall in a corner of the room - Why would he place it so far away? That indicates that he expects no trouble if he needs to get it in an emergency. The entire group of clones at most, or several of them at least, will be in position to stop him. He must not think highly of their abilities - then looked around for a good place to sit. His eyes stopped on the person who sat against the front of the chair. It was his own clone. The two of them stared at each other. Something wordless darted through the air between them.

Hidan went limp. His arms and face slackened, his jaw dropping, as he stared at his clone. "What the shit?!"

Clone Hidan bristled. "What are you looking at?"

"What the fucking fuck?"

"Hold up," Clone Kisame barked, rising from his seat. "Don't comment on it. He is not allowed to know about it. That kind of energy would tear him to pieces instantly if he made any kind of contact." He made a placating gesture. "We can explain it later. Just sit the hell down."

Nagato and Yahiko looked at Clone Hidan, but could not see anything obviously abnormal about him other than his lack of a necklace. Oh, and the fact that he had another one of the doll creatures nestling with him. "Are they summons?" Yahiko asked.

"I don't know what a summon is, but probably not?" his clone answered. "They're dolls. I bought a dozen of them online. When they arrived, I took some of them to the library where magical books brought them to life. These four are all the living ones. The rest are in the game room." He put his pie down, a huge grin on his face. "They're so cute, aren't they?!"

Nagato kept his face neutral. That was not the way he would describe these unblinking, mostly faceless creatures.

"They do look kind of cute…" Yahiko said, looking at the one that nestled against Clone Hidan's side.

Clone Hidan put his pie down. "This one's the cutest of all. Come on, Little One. Say hi." He picked up the doll and placed it on its feet facing Yahiko.

The doll looked up at Yahiko, tilting its head curiously. It took a couple steps toward him. It looked across the circle at Clone Yahiko, who smiled and waved encouragingly. It looked back and forth between original and clone several times. Then it climbed into Yahiko's lap and looked up at him.

Yahiko blushed. "Heh, yeah, they're cute. Uh… Hi there." The doll did not react to his greeting. It stared up at him. Seriously, why did Konan let these things be brought to life?

Clone Yahiko made a sound like a child squealing in glee. "Come on, Little One. Let's show him how it's done." The doll, which seemed to be named Little One, climbed out of Original Yahiko's lap and went to the clone. Clone Yahiko picked it up beneath the armpits, held it up and gazed at it adoringly, then brought it in for a tight hug. "Who's the cutest little one?" Little One looked over his shoulder, like a human toddler. Clone Yahiko relaxed the hug and let Little One sit in his lap, where he proceeded to stroke the doll's head and rub its cheeks and otherwise fuss over it like it was a child. Little One waved its arms. Clone Yahiko laughed.

Nagato stared. What the actual hell. All the rest of the clones paid no mind, treated this as normal. What could possibly be normal about babying an unnatural doll creature? Original Yahiko's cheeks were bright red. He ducked his head and mumbled something. Poor Yahiko. His clone is very embarrassing.

"Do they bleed?" Original Hidan asked.

The mirth went out of Clone Yahiko's face instantly. "No. Why would you ever ask that?" He stared at Hidan in an entirely new way. It was just like the way Yahiko had looked at Madara when Madara first came and tried to persuade Nagato to his side. The clone's hands tightened around Little One. "He's a kid. You don't… I mean… I mean, you will not hurt any of them."

"Or what?" Hidan asked with a grin. His ears pricked forward and his tail waved slowly.

Clone Yahiko shook his head. "That's not what I mean. I mean you won't hurt any of them. Period. There's no question of consequences, because it just won't happen."

"Why not?"

Clone Yahiko said nothing. In the blink of an eye, his aura blazed outwards. An incredible feeling of force and power filled the room. Nagato held his breath. I was wrong. This clone is a force to be reckoned with. Or rather, not to be. Clone Yahiko smiled.

Original Hidan gaped just like he had gaped at his own clone before. "What…the…shit." He looked around. "How many of you have gods on your side?"

"Just me and Hidan," Clone Yahiko replied, taking his aura back. "Maybe Konan, depending on how you look at it."

Hidan studied him. "You're way more impressive than your pussy-ass friend there. Why do you waste your time with him?"

"Hey, don't insult Nagato!" Clone Yahiko retorted. "I have trouble with words sometimes, with figuring out what to say first, what to do first. He's really sensible. He helps me stay on track."

Clone Nagato closed his eyes, looking pained. Nagato began to understand why. He is made subordinate to others, as I am. Could his feelings be similar to mine?

Hidan huffed. "It's easy to see who's more important."

Clone Nagato curled up, abandoning his pie. His fists clenched. "That's a cruel thing to say," Clone Yahiko snapped back, unable to see his Nagato's obvious distress because Clone Nagato was slightly behind him. "And it's not true. We're all important."

Hidan chuckled evilly. "I don't give a shit what you think." His eyes were fixed on Clone Nagato. Nagato's fists tightened. He's tormenting my clone! If Konan will not act, then I must. Konan sat on Clone Hidan's other side, observing. She waited. Nagato pushed his temper down and followed her example.

Clone Yahiko finally turned to look. "Nagato! He's wrong. He's totally wrong." He put a hand on Clone Nagato's shoulder.

Clone Nagato shook him off. "No. He's not." His voice was filled with bile and bitterness. He left the room.

Clone Yahiko facepalmed. "I should have checked on him sooner."

"What the fuck?" Clone Deidara asked. It wasn't clear whether he was looking at Hidan, or at Konan.

"Wimp," Hidan sneered.

Clone Yahiko lowered his hand. He gathered his legs beneath him and leaped across the circle, landing right in front of Hidan. He grabbed Hidan's jaw. "Shut up!"

Hidan only grinned. "Ooh, touch me harder."

"No," Yahiko said. He paused to think, then loosened his grip. He began to stroke Hidan's face gently, very gently, so that his fingertips only grazed Hidan's white fur. "No, I won't."

Hidan's ears flicked in irritation. He began to growl.

Yahiko used both hands now, increasing his stroking, but still with the same gentleness. He leaned into Hidan's face and whispered something that made Hidan's tail freeze. Hidan shivered, then broke. He leaned away and skittered backward as if Yahiko's gentle touches hurt him. "Go fuck yourself!" He got up and stormed out of the room, taking his scythe with him.

"Ouch," Clone Kisame exclaimed. "Did you really have to go that far?"

"Where did you learn to do that?" Clone Sasori asked.

"A meme," Clone Yahiko replied, chuckling nervously. He circled around everyone and returned to his former place. Little One climbed back into his lap. He patted the doll's head. "I promise, Little One. I won't ever ever let anyone hurt you." The other dolls gathered around him. "Warlic. Solis. Manta. I make you all the same promise. Nobody harms my little guys. They have to go through me first." He patted all of their heads too. His aura was blazing again.

Nagato and Yahiko shared a look. Nagato smiled ruefully. Poor Yahiko. His clone is more impressive than he is. Yahiko smiled back. He doesn't mind? Of course not. He's not the jealous type.

Nagato didn't have any more questions about the reason for his existence.

.

A/N: Heehee.

The meme in question is this: A sadist and a masochist go to bed together. The masochist says, "Hurt me! Hurt me!" The sadist says, "No."

Never fear. Publishing will continue. I'll see you all next week. Rar!