Good Morning, Loves!

Thank you to Mel!

CHAPTER SIX

Bella

"To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others."

― Albert Camus

Six Months Later

I sensed the movement of the chair a moment too late. I wrenched my gaze up from my book to see Peter sitting across from me, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Bella, we need to talk," he said.

I sat up slowly, wishing I knew how to stall for time. I knew he was right, but I'd been putting this conversation off for months, not wanting to face the reality of what my choices had brought me to.

"Hi, Peter," I said gently, placing a bookmark to hold my space.

Peter shook his head, looking angry. "Where have you been? I've been trying to ring you for weeks now."

When I had first gotten back from Italy, it had been life as usual. Or, as usual as it could be. I'd been busy, so it had taken me nearly a week to see Peter again. When we did finally get together, I'd found that despite the fact I told myself nothing would change, everything had.

I liked Peter, I truly did, and I refused to let Edward get between us in any way, so I had stayed with him, meeting up with him sporadically.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him. Something in me had changed after sleeping with Edward, and despite my best intentions, I couldn't give myself to Peter. Not with this secret hanging over my head.

I'd been able to put him off, first feigning a cold, and then pretending to go to the States for Christmas. After the holidays, it was my immense workload that kept me too busy to see him, but deep down, I knew the truth.

I wasn't Peter's. Not anymore.

I wasn't Edward's either, but something had changed, and I didn't know what to make of myself.

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching out to him. His hands didn't push me away, which I took as a good sign. "I'm so sorry. I've been so busy, and I think it's been the winter—it's messing with my head and…" I trailed off, letting loose the rest of my breath. "I'm sorry. I don't have any good excuses."

Peter was such a noble person that, for a moment, it seemed like he would forgive me, here and now, without a second thought.

"Bella, I can't help but think that I've driven you off," he said softly. "After I told you I loved you, you disappeared."

I flinched. It had been horrific timing that shortly after my secret marriage to Edward, Peter had said those words to me. I hadn't been able to return them, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Peter, it's not that, really," I said, even though it was partly that. "I'm sorry I have been such a monster."

Peter let out a breath. "I just miss you," he said sadly.

I nodded. "What if we hang out tonight?"

Peter looked stricken. "I've promised everyone I'd meet them at the pub."

I internally winced. I didn't want a night spent at the pub with people I called friends but lied to. But I could see on Peter's face that this was important to him, so I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay, we'll go to the pub, and then you can come around to my place tonight."

Peter perked up, looking hopeful, and I felt a knife slide between my ribs and twist. I should just end it with him, cut the ties and set this poor man free.

But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was a selfish person, and I desperately wanted to cling to what I had with Peter, even if I knew it was no longer healthy.

Peter helped me collect my belongings, then being the absolute sweetheart he was, offered to walk me home, carrying the majority of my books.

I didn't want another thing to feel like I was using him for, but I also didn't want to push him away again so soon after I told him we would see each other more, so I let him.

The walk was pleasant enough. Peter caught me up on his studies and what he'd been up to in the weeks since we'd last really talked. I tried desperately to summon enthusiasm to share my research with him, but it seemed even the joy of my work had been taken from me.

When we reached my apartment, Peter came upstairs with me, gently placing my books on my dining table as I shucked my backpack.

"I'm going to hop in the shower," I told him. "Help yourself to anything in the fridge."

I left before he could suggest coming into the shower with me. I knew he wasn't the type of person who would overstep any boundaries, but even so, I locked the bathroom before I flicked on the showerhead.

The shower did nothing to alleviate the tension in my neck or shoulders, even though I set the water to scalding.

When the tap started to turn cold, I flipped the stream off and grabbed my towel, holding it to my face as I stood in the overly steamed bathroom.

I could do this. I could go out with my boyfriend and have a drink with my friends. I could pretend I hadn't married a megalomaniac billionaire in secret or that I was now tied to possibly the most dangerous family in the world.

I could pretend everything was normal, even if it was only for one night.

Sighing, I wrapped the towel around me and exited the bathroom, heading straight for my bedroom where I grabbed my hairdryer. I pulled on panties and a bra before heading back to the bathroom to dry out my tangled hair.

The noise and task helped focus me, and though the bathroom was still damp with steam, I managed to still get my hair mostly dry. By the time I was done, I felt slightly better. I went back to my room where I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. It was March and still cold enough in Oxford to warrant some layers, so I fished around for a scarf as well.

When I was finally dressed, I headed back out to the living room where Peter was sitting on my sofa, scrolling through his phone. He looked up at me as I came out and gave me one of his kind smiles.

"You look lovely," he said as I sat next to him, my body twisted toward him.

"Thanks," I said softly. "Thanks for waiting too. I was in desperate need."

Peter clicked off his phone and slid it into his pocket. "It's okay," he said with a small shrug. "You're worth the wait."

I smiled and leaned forward, giving him a small kiss. It had been so long since we'd last kissed, and I could feel his surprise and eagerness for more. I pulled back, turning my gaze toward the window. "We should probably get going," I said gently. "Everyone will be waiting for us."

Peter took my silent cue and nodded, getting to his feet. "After you, darling."

…

The pub was less crowded than usual, owing to the fact that it was a Tuesday night. Alec, Stefan, Charlotte, and a woman I'd never met before were sitting at a table near the back. We headed toward them, Peter's hand at the small of my back.

"Hey," I said as we approached.

"If it isn't the elusive Bella Swan!" Stefan crowed, holding his beer up. "Come out of her hole at last!"

I chuckled awkwardly and shucked my coat. "I know. I've been so busy lately."

"I'm going to get us some drinks," Peter said, kissing my cheek before he slipped away to the bar. I settled at the table next to Charlotte and turned to the woman beside her.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I said to her.

Charlotte turned to the woman. "Oh, yeah. Bella, this is Carmen. Carmen, this is Bella."

Carmen was stunning, with dark hair against golden-olive skin. Her large dark eyes were framed by impossibly long lashes, and her lips formed the perfect plump pout.

Beside her, I felt boyish and unshapely.

"Bella, it's nice to meet you," she said, her voice carrying a thick accent.

"You too," I told her. "Where are you from?"

Carmen flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Ciudad de México," she said, her voice silky over the Spanish words.

"Mexico City," I repeated in English. "I've heard it's beautiful."

Carmen nodded. "Si, it is. Charlotte tells me you are from the US?"

I glanced at Charlotte. "Yes, I'm from Phoenix."

I looked back at Carmen fast enough to see a slight sneer across her face. Sure, Phoenix wasn't as old and impressive as Mexico City, but it wasn't the worst place to grow up either.

Before I could say anything, Peter was coming back to the table and taking up the seat beside me.

"There you go," he said, sliding a beer in front of me. I thanked him before taking a long sip.

"So how do you two know each other?" Carmen asked, pointing between Peter and me.

"We met in a lecture almost two years ago," Peter said, smiling and hooking an arm over the back of my chair. "We've been dating since."

One of Carmen's perfectly shaped eyebrows rose. "I didn't know you were dating anyone," she said to Peter.

I sipped my beer, irked.

"Really? I'm sure I've mentioned Bella loads of times," Peter said, looking worriedly at me.

"I've been really busy," I said defensively, looking coolly at Carmen.

"Too busy for your friends and boyfriend?"

I didn't know what her deal was, but this girl was not going to break me. I'd dealt with psychopathic people at the Academy. One condescending girl was nothing.

"I'm selective with whom I spend my time, which is why we are only now just meeting," I said, my voice trying to mimic the unaffected coolness I'd heard so often in Edward's voice.

Carmen's lips puckered slightly, and I sat back, sipping my beer again.

"Well, in any case, we're glad to see you tonight, Bella," Alec said, lifting his drink in my direction. "It's been too long."

I lifted my drink in response. "Yes," I agreed. "Far too long."

…

Carmen remained strangely hostile toward me all night, though she was less antagonistic than she had been initially. I was sick of her attitude, and her presence was definitely disrupting my time with my friends. Eventually, I chugged the rest of my beer then excused myself to go to the bathroom, just to get space from her.

Downstairs in the darkened hallway, I took a breath and tried to steady myself. Carmen meant nothing to me. She didn't know me, couldn't possibly hold any sort of power over me. It was foolish of me to let her get to me.

I went to the bathroom, taking time to splash water on my face to calm down before I stepped back into the hallway.

When I opened the door, Carmen was on the other side.

I felt all the zen I'd collected leave my body.

"Look, I don't know what your deal is, but—"

Carmen cut me off. "You need to break up with Peter."

I stepped back, stunned. "Excuse me?"

Carmen rolled her eyes. "It may not be clear to any of your friends." She sneered the word and I glared at her. "But it is clear to me. You barely tolerate Peter." She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "He has someone right in front of him who loves him, but he'll never take his eyes off you unless you make him."

I blinked, confused. "You're in love with Peter?" My voice sounded skeptical, even to my own ears.

"Ay dios mío, no, not me. Charlotte."

I frowned. "Charlotte?"

Carmen rolled her eyes. "Since I've known her, she has been in love with him. She has not said so to me, but I can see it. She loves him, and you keep him to yourself because you are selfish."

I shook my head. "What the hell are you asking me to do? Share my boyfriend?"

Carmen's eyes narrowed. "Tell me you love him."

I barked out a laugh. "What?"

Carmen took a step toward me. "Tell me you love him, and I will leave it all alone."

My smile died, and I swallowed hard. "I don't owe you anything."

Carmen's eyes were hard. "No," she agreed. "But you owe it to Charlotte and Peter to let them find happiness away from your selfishness."

I shook my head. "I need you to get out of my face."

Carmen didn't move, and for a moment, I wondered if I was going to have to fight her. But finally, she shifted, allowing me to pass.

"If you care for Peter at all, you'll let him go," she said as I stepped by. "Or else you will drag him down with you."

I ignored her as I fled back up the stairs into the pub. Carmen had serious audacity telling me to break up with Peter, but the fucked-up part was that she was right. I did care about Peter and Charlotte, and if they could be happy together, who was I to stand in their way?

I took Charlotte in as I approached our table again. She was leaning toward Peter, her attention on him as he told a story. She had a wide, dorky smile on her face, and she gazed at him like he had hung the fucking moon just for her.

To my surprise, Peter seemed to be open to her attention. He told his story with more and more gusto, drawing giggles from her that made him smile in return. I knew Peter would never cheat on me, but it was clear I'd been holding him back from moving on.

In my chest, my heart lurched.

"Hey," I said as I approached the table. I put my hand on Peter's back gently and waited until he turned to look at me. "Can I talk to you real quick? Outside?"

Peter frowned but nodded. I grabbed my coat off the back of my chair and gave my friends all smiles before I led Peter out of the pub.

It was a waning moon, still mostly full, but her light hardly mattered under the streetlamps.

"What's up?" Peter asked once we were outside.

I turned to him, taking a breath. "I think we need to break up."

Peter's face dropped in shock. "What?"

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I've dragged out our relationship so much longer than it should have been. It's my fault that we have grown apart and stagnant, and I cannot keep doing that to you."

"Bella, hang on," he said, shaking his head.

I reached up, my fingers on his cheeks. "Peter, you're such a good man. You are kind, honest, and gentle. You have never done anything but respect me, and you don't know how much I treasure you for that." I paused, tears welling in my eyes. "But I'm a damaged person, and I have selfishly been holding onto you because you are the only good thing I've ever known." I stopped and sniffed. "But for once in my life, I have to think about someone other than myself. I have to let you go."

"Bella," Peter said softly. "Stop this. I love you. I don't care about your baggage."

I shook my head and dropped his face from my palms. "Peter, the damage that runs through me cannot be healed. I will never be a good enough person, not for you."

Peter frowned. "But you are good enough," he argued.

I let out a breath. "Peter, I'm not a good person." I winced when I thought of all the reasons why this was true, the main reason being that I'd secretly gotten married in the midst of our relationship. "I'm sorry, Peter. I really am. You have been so kind to me. Kinder than anyone has ever been." I let out a breath. "I think that in some way, you saved me from myself." I gazed at him. "But I can't keep running from who I am."

Peter had tears in his eyes as he stared at me. "What can I say?" he asked. "What can I do to make you believe I love you?"

I shut my eyes. "I do believe you," I said softly. "But I can never love you. Not in the way you deserve." I opened my eyes in time to see him flinch. "Don't you see? I'm not capable of giving you what you need."

Peter was quiet and I let out a long breath, stepping toward him. "Somewhere, there is a young woman, maybe from Ottawa, who is capable of giving you what you need," I said softly. Peter looked confused. "Charlotte is a good person. I should have seen it sooner."

Peter didn't say anything, and I felt my stomach drop slightly. So Carmen had been right. There was definitely something between Peter and Charlotte. Maybe not outright, but on some level, they were drawn to each other.

I stepped closer to Peter again, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek. "I wish you all the happiness in the world," I said softly. "Thank you for teaching me how to be a better person."

Peter didn't say anything, and I stepped away from him, fighting back tears. I offered him one last smile before I turned and walked away, leaving him standing in front of the Admiral's Arms.

…

I took the long road back to my apartment, trying to work through the sadness that was settling inside me. It was the right thing to do to let Peter go, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

By the time I got back to my apartment, I was feeling lonely and self pitying.

Having no one to call and cry to over my breakup, I did the next best thing.

My phone was in my hand and pressed to my ear before I could second guess myself.

He picked up on the first ring.

"Bella?"

His surprise was understandable. I hadn't tried to talk to him once since we parted ways after getting back to England six months ago.

I let out a breath and moved into my kitchen. "Hello, Edward."

"What has you calling at this hour?" he asked.

I pulled out a bottle of wine and a glass off the dishrack. "Nothing," I said, pouring myself a generous glass. "What are you doing?"

Edward snorted. "Currently? I'm trying to read through a hefty document in Kazakh."

I frowned, settling on my sofa. "What could you possibly be reading in Kazakh?"

Edward sighed. "It's an old treaty. Out of date, of course. We're trying to update it in Russian, but you know how that goes."

I sipped my wine, frowning. "No, I don't. Tell me about it."

There was a pause on the line. "Really?"

I'd never heard him sound so skeptical and I couldn't help smiling.

"Yes. I want to know. Where are you?"

"Sitting in a hotel room in Astana."

I sipped my wine again. "Kazakhstan?" I guessed.

"The very one."

I leaned one elbow on the back of my sofa. "What's it like?"

"Fucking freezing." Edward huffed. "The winter is running long this year."

I smiled. "And what brings you to Kazakhstan?"

Edward hesitated again. "You really want to know?"

"Edward, stop wasting my time and tell me."

He chuckled, and I heard a slight rustling on the phone before he spoke. "My parents wanted to see how I could handle a political reformation."

I sipped my wine. "Reformation into what?"

Edward sighed. "As it stands, Kazakhstan is a democratic, secular, constitutional unitary republic," he said, making me roll my eyes. "But because of the uranium the country is capable of exporting, my parents have decided that they want to weaken the government structure to allow for other countries to institute their own governance over them."

I frowned. "Russia?"

"Russia's certainly in the running," Edward agreed. "But there are other countries who wouldn't mind a supply of uranium. I think it's still nebulous where my parents decide to land things."

I let out a breath. Undermining an entire country's government just to give easy access to a single export. These people existed on a level of absurd that I wasn't sure I'd ever comprehend, even if I spent the rest of my life trying to figure them out.

"It sounds like the hard way of doing things," I pointed out.

Edward snorted. "God, I'd love for you to tell that to my parents."

I grinned. "Do they know about me?"

Edward was quiet for a moment. "Somehow, no. They know I went to Italy, but they don't know why. It seems my team is actually able to keep a fucking secret, which is good to know."

I let out a breath. "What about the marriage to your cousin?"

Edward snorted. "It turns out, my sweet little cousin decided to run off and elope with her boyfriend." I could hear the eye roll over the phone, and I raised an eyebrow. "Apparently, she met a kid at school and just had to marry him."

"What's the age of consent to marry in the Sixteen?" I asked.

"We don't have one."

I flinched, shaking my head.

"Anyway, she apparently heard about her fate to be married off and decided to send a big fuck you to my uncle. The meltdown was extraordinary." He let out a light chuckle and I grinned.

"So, you're off the hook."

"For now," he agreed. "Though my parents are still trying to find a way to force me into compliance."

I tapped my wine glass. "What will happen if they find out about me?" I'd thought about it before, but never so concretely. Was I safe?

"I have people protecting you, Bella. No one is going to get to you."

I frowned, having mixed feelings about that as well. I didn't like the idea of being watched, even if it was for my own protection.

Edward sighed. "How is your schoolwork going?"

I plucked at a loose thread on the sofa and shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "It's fine."

Edward laughed, making me turn my head, as if I could twist far enough to see him. "What?" I demanded.

"God, you sound bored. Do you want to come destroy a government with me? I can get you here in a couple of hours."

I snorted. "I'm not just leaving my program," I protested weakly. "Certainly not to destroy any governments."

Edward chuckled. "What if we did it your way and tried a more diplomatic approach?"

I couldn't help my smile. "I'm busy," I said, shaking my head.

Edward sighed. "Worth a shot," he hummed. "If you ever do get bored pretending that higher education matters, I'm only a phone call away. We can get you up and running empires in no time."

It was such a heady offer, one that was a little too tempting at the moment.

"Thanks," I said, finishing off my wine. "I'll keep that in mind."

We were both quiet, and I wondered if Edward was thinking about our marriage and the unfettered access to the world he continued to offer me. I know I couldn't get it off my mind.

"I should get going," I said, blinking and shaking my head. "Good luck with everything."

Edward hummed again. "Goodnight, Bella."

I swallowed. "Goodnight, Edward."