References to 10, 13, 14, 23, 24, 26, 27, 33

Song: Yellow by Coldplay

Annabeth — Grief

Annabeth (15) — Travis (15) — Connor (14)

Summer 2008

Lee and his vapid, annoying pleas for her to learn an instrument, any instrument alongside Connor.

Lee and his enthusiastic and pure delight when he indulges their request for books from the library.

Lee and his well-meaning but unhelpful and useless suggestions for birthday presents.

Lee and his impossible dream of becoming a middle school band teacher.

Lee and his weird love for jump scares.

Lee and his even weirder love for his trumpet despite the oboe being the superior instrument.

Lee and his devotion to their camp.

Lee and his insistence on still participating in their missions even though he made it in life. He's in college when so many of their peers can't even begin to dream of achieving that accomplishment.

Lee in the trees with his cabinmates showing them how to make an origami swan while they wait for the battle to start.

Lee with his bow tight in his hand in the trees as he tells the youngest and weakest of his cabin — Will, Kayla, and Austin — to stick close to him or Michael, that they'll protect them.

Lee, a body on the ground that Annabeth just happened to see as she's running around, helping those struggling the most, praying that it's not him and knowing it's him.

And now Lee, his body wrapped in a shroud and burning into nothing but ashes.

When Luke left, there was still hope that maybe Luke will change his mind. That Luke can still come to his senses and come back to them, like how Chris did. Then everything can go back to the way it was before.

But there's no coming back for Lee. No coming back for Castor either. Nor the three demigods Cabin 11 lost. Her half-sister. The two from Cabin 4. The five children from Ares's Cabin. The countless dryads and nymphs and satyrs that fell with them.

None of them are coming back.

Annabeth watches her cabin's sole casualty burn and does her best to not cry. She can't cry. She can't let the others know she's losing it inside, that she wants to scream and yell and kick a dummy with Kronos's face taped to the front, that she's hurting inside so much that it feels like she's drowning, that it feels like she's falling down a ravine and ripping apart at the seams. She can't let anyone know. Not when they're depending on her to guide them to victory.

An unstable leader is the last thing this camp needs.

"You know they think you're the strongest regardless of whether you cry or not," she can almost picture Lee saying that. But Lee is dead now and whatever he might have said doesn't matter anymore.

What she proclaimed to Michael rang in her head.

People she knew since her first day at camp, people she grew up with, they're gone now.

Her eyes drift over to Travis and Connor staring blank-faced at their 3 burning shrouds, to Silena sobbing violently into her hands, to Beckendorf wordlessly walking to the forge, to Pollux without his other half, to Clarisse and Chris standing silently in the back, to Malcolm silently weaving flower crowns their half-sister loved and tossing them into the burning shroud, to Percy sitting on the ground with his head in between his knees, drained and exhausted.

She'll do whatever it takes to make sure not a single more friend leaves her.

She'll resolve this war as quickly as she can, as bloodlessly as she can.

She'll turn this camp back to the way it's supposed to be.

A haven.

Their haven.

It's been years since she followed them in the dead of night to that one spot in the forest. Not since … Was it when she stopped being a yearrounder? She knows she stargazed with them a couple of times each summer before the shit hit the fan. After being caught by harpies the first time, she only followed them out during the summer months when the harpies were too occupied monitoring the cabins. But she knows they sneak out whenever they want, at least once a week.

The first night after the battle, they should be too busy comforting their cabinmates. She knows that's what she's been doing.

The same with the second night.

And the third and fourth night.

The fifth night is the night they're heading out.

And Annabeth is right as she watches Cabin 11's window slide open nearly silently and two bodies slinking out just as quietly. She stands up from her cabin's porch and stretches, watching the duo head into the forest.

She's not scared of losing track of them like the first time. There's only always one spot they head to anyway.

She has known them for 8 years now.

"Thought you guys would be here," Annabeth says after scaling the boulders enough to see the top, a feat much easier as a 15-year-old than when she was 7. "Even though it's cursed now."

"We always come here. I'm not changing my favorite thinking spot just because of a curse," Travis says, sticking his tongue out childishly, standing there at the top and offering a hand to help her up just like old times.

"You should consider it though," Annabeth says as she accepts the hand. She pats her jeans free of debris once at the top. Connor is there too, of course, his back to her as he stares at the starry skies unmovingly, hugging his legs close to his chest.

"Where would we even go? To the attic with the weird mummy? The pegasi stall with all the poop? The camp store that we break into all the time?" Travis tries to joke with her. It falls flat when his voice is too high-pitched and too strained to be mistaken as anything but a plea for normalcy.

But she humors him. "It can be Thalia's Pine. She's been guarding this camp for years now. I'm sure she can guard you two as well."

"Nah. I'm not moving." Travis glances over at his brother. "Unless you want to move, Connor?"

Connor doesn't answer them, still staring at the night sky.

Travis turns back to her and smiles. It's not even a quarter of his usual energetic and easygoing grins. "See? What I tell you? This is our spot."

"Alright," Annabeth relents, "Don't cry if you get cursed."

"Will can break them for us."

"Will isn't your personal healing machine that waits at your every beck and call."

"Will is our best friend," Travis says flippantly with a dismissive wave of his hand. "He'll do whatever to make us feel better. Just one of the pros of being the hospitality cabin. You make connections and friends everywhere."

Annabeth sighs and elects to not respond. Not when it's true. The amount of times Will has bailed Travis out is immeasurable. And who knows how many limbs Will has saved Travis when she's away for school. Hopefully not too many. Maybe she should ask Will.

Travis smirks in victory and it's so infuriating especially since Travis is rarely in the right.

Annabeth follows Travis to where Connor sits alone. Travis plops down beside his brother, shoulder to shoulder, and pats the empty spot beside him, glancing up at her. Annabeth shakes her head. She's too antsy to sit and Travis shrugs. Alright.

They didn't bring chips or blankets this time around. Thankfully it's not too cold tonight. Barely a breeze in the air.

"So!" Travis says loudly and Annabeth winces at how the sound carries in the silence. He's going to alert the harpies if he does that again, but Travis doesn't seem too bothered about it, smiling at nothing in the sky. "Do you want to tell us about the constellations again, Annabeth?"

The irritation from that day all those years ago rears its ugly head again.

"I'm still annoyed how you made me say all that when you two know it already," Annabeth chafes, nudging Travis in the small of his back with her shoe. "A total waste of my and your time."

"Well," Travis chuckles, "You like talking about what you know and I needed an icebreaker. So do you want to?"

"Why should I? It's not like there are any new—" the words die in her throat and Annabeth wishes she holds fast and finishes her sentence, but Travis is staring at her quizzically and she can't back out now.

"There is one new constellation," she admits. And Annabeth points to the pattern of stars that resembles a girl firing arrows into the night sky.

"The Huntress. For the Hunter of Artemis that fought and died honorably," Annabeth says. She's proud her voice only cracks once.

Travis snaps his fingers as his face lights up in recognition. "Oh! Was it that hunter that — Uh, what was her name again? We played with her during the Capture the Flag before … um, was it Zoe Nig—"

"Yeah," Annabeth cuts him off before he can finish. Without thinking, she touches those locks of gray that stain her blond hair, the same locks of gray that Percy has. Travis's eyes follow her hands before sliding back up front to the stars. "I don't want to talk about it though."

If she talks about it, then they'll know that Zoe died because of her. Because she didn't figure out a plan soon enough. Because she didn't do enough. Because she wasn't good enough.

They would have known that she failed. As a leader, as a strategist, as a hero.

And she can't have them doubting her.

(Was it fair though? When she was hurting and hungry and scared and angry that Luke tricked her again, used her as bait? She wasn't at the top of her game. If she was then—

Doesn't matter. No enemy strikes when their opponent is ready. She should have done more.)

Travis stays silent thankfully and picks at the gravel in the sole of his shoes.

"Sorry," he mumbles and she hates that even more.

"Don't apologize," she snaps without meaning to and she takes a breath, crossing her arms over her chest, "I just… don't want to think about it."

Even though she thinks about it.

Every. Single. Day.

And what she could have done better.

"Sorry," Travis mumbles again despite her earlier rebuke.

Ever since she was kidnapped, they've been treating her differently. Tiptoeing around her like she's fragile. Not saying their thoughts as freely as before. And the worst crime of all, Connor has been holding back on their weekly competitions and letting her win some. Travis even slows down on his runs so she can keep up and sometimes pass him. They all treat her differently. Silena. Beckendorf. Even Clarisse. And how dare they?

There's a rift between them that didn't used to be there. Even when she stopped being a yearrounder two years ago, not even that absence stopped them from acting like they always do. She's been the same Annabeth she's always been. Nothing about her has changed. Sure, she carried the world. Sure, she's been struggling with her nightmares more than ever. Sure, she's been struggling with her relationship with her father and with Percy (which shouldn't matter to them, to be frank. That's her business and hers alone).

She's still the same Annabeth.

Or maybe it's not her. Maybe something happened to them instead. Something they're not telling her.

"Hey—" she starts.

But Connor finally shifts, eyes lowering to his shoes as he scuffs his sneakers against the boulders.

"Do you think it's better," Connor murmurs, voice quiet and small and fragile, "To have never known them at all so when they die, it hurts less?"

"No," Annabeth asserts without a second hesitation, "Never. The memories are worth more than the pain."

Those few months she spent with Thalia, they're precious to her. Those years before Luke was corrupted and deflected, they're not fake and ingenuine. Luke did care for her, for them. And the years with Lee and Castor, that month with her new half-sister, all of those moments are important to her.

"Well, I wished I never knew Lee or Castor or anyone," Connor says and his voice cracks as he curls into a ball, "Just so I never know this pain."

Annabeth has no words of comfort. She has no idea what to say to make it okay, not when Connor begins to weep into his arms, his shoulders shaking as his sniveling becomes full-on sobs.

"I wished I never met Luke either. Nor Chris," Connor blubbers, fingers digging into Travis's sleeve, "Nor you. I wish I never came to camp to begin with if I knew you all leaving would hurt like this."

"Yeah, well." Annabeth swallows, ignores the stab of hurt at what is essentially Connor wishing she was never in his life, and kicks a pebble off their cursed monument. "I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

"Nobody plans to die, you idiot," Connor wails hysterically in between his sobs as he presses himself against Travis's side.

Idiot? Nobody calls her an idiot.

But Connor is clearly down and Annabeth doesn't kick someone already struggling. So she shoves down her scathing retort and plops down on Connor's other side and rubs his back as Travis leans back against Connor and strokes his hair.

She tries to picture a life without Travis and Connor.

A life where she wakes up and not have anyone annoy her immediately as soon as she steps out of her cabin. To not have to check her bed for tarantulas every single time because of one mean-spirited revenge ploy years ago. To not have someone to play volleyball or soccer with. To not have someone to take her to see Cerberus whenever she wants. To not have someone to run with. To not have someone to compete with who puts up with their prideful and competitive nature. To not have somebody down to do whatever she wants. To grow up without them in her life.

She can't imagine it.

She doesn't want to imagine it.

Eventually Connor's sobbing dies down and smooths out into even breathing, slumping entirely on Travis's shoulder, sound asleep.

Even with Travis shifting Connor to rest more comfortably on his lap Connor doesn't wake, hand curling around Travis's shirt as he burrows his face into his brother's stomach.

Travis's laugh cuts through the thick silence and tension. It's forced. Too nervous and jittery to be considered natural.

"Connor doesn't mean that, you know," Travis tells her, "It's just… Well, you know, right? That act you have to put up that you're fine? It's not a good look to have your counselor cry all day. And then your bottled-up emotion just overflows when you don't have to pretend anymore."

Yeah. I get it. But the admittance is hard to say. It's hard to show weakness to even them. Lee is back in her head, telling her it's fine. She can see Percy too, telling her it's okay too. But she freezes even just thinking of saying it. It's easier to just stay silent and let the moment pass.

And because Travis doesn't like serious matters, never wanting it to end on a serious note, he looks over at her with a silly, crooked smirk. "Besides you're like a long-lost sister we never had. Basically an honorary Stoll."

Annabeth exhales. That is much easier to work with. "I prefer to think of you guys as honorary Chases. Chase sounds much better than Stoll, no offense."

Though the pun still stands for them. At least, it's not as bad as Stoll.

Travis pouts and sticks his tongue out.

"Offense taken. I like our last name."

And like Connor agrees, he curls further into Travis's lap.

There's nothing really to say to that so Annabeth doesn't bother, tracing a circle on the cold rock under her. But Travis for the life of him can't really shut up. The silence bothers him. Not even five seconds of just listening to the gentle rustle of the trees and Connor's snoring, Travis blurts out of the blue, "Do you remember our first April Fools?"

"When Lee scared you two off the bridge and into the lake?" Annabeth smiles mirthlessly. "Yeah. I saw that actually. Lee was laughing his ass off. I thought Connor was going to gut Lee right then and there."

Travis grins at the sky. "And that time Lee got us books about chemical reactions?"

"And how you guys dropped a stink bomb in my cabin by accident? Malcolm says he smells it in all his dreams."

"And when Lee hounded you and me to learn an instrument?"

"Because Connor gave him unneeded confidence when he let Lee teach him the harp. And I don't call it hounding. He was harassing us. Those following months were horrible. Every time we talked it was all about 'you should learn something. Connor is doing so well. Don't you want to prove you can do it better?'"

That bastard. Lee knew exactly what he was doing. And it worked. It fucking worked which is the worst part of it all.

And Travis must be thinking the same thing because he leans his head back and laughs way too loudly into the night sky. "You caved so fast after that. You learned the oboe because it's one of the hardest woodwinds to learn."

Annabeth socks lightly Travis in the arm. "And you just continued running and hiding. You even had Connor pretend to be you so Lee will get off your back."

"You noticed that?" Travis says without looking at her, his smile softening.

Annabeth snorts. "Yeah. It was so obvious."

"Lee didn't know."

"It was obvious to me. I don't need much to tell you two apart."

"Well, it's not like I also didn't learn an instrument. I just learn better when Connor is teaching me. The trombone is pretty fun. I liked it more than the others."

"You gave Beckendorf a concussion," Annabeth reminisces, an unfortunate miscalculation of how long the trombone really is and Beckendorf just being in an unlucky spot at an unlucky time.

"And you made Lee cry," Travis says back, an even more unfortunate accidental kick to her oboe that snapped it into three pieces.

It's the first and only time Lee ever cried to her knowledge.

He was so dramatic about it too, crumbling to his knees and holding the broken oboe like it was his dead child as he bawled.

And she felt like complete shit, frantically asking what she can do to make it better.

Almost immediately Lee stopped crying and told her if she learned the harmonica then all would be forgiven.

Horrible. Absolutely horrible. And even worse is that she actually liked the harmonica and how portable it is and the much simpler maintenance. And worse than that, she doesn't think Lee was manipulative on purpose. It's the pure excitement of teaching someone that snapped Lee out of his despair.

She can't help the chuckle that bubbles out of her as she smiles at the bitter memory. There won't ever be days like that again. Lee won't ever bother her again to practice or learn something new. She won't see Lee go crazy over a composition and make them all sit down for a mini-concert.

Even when they die and they go to Elysium, Lee might have already gone ahead and chosen rebirth.

Those simple days where they just hung out and messed around are long gone.

Even still — even with this aching hole in her heart and this overwhelming grief — she doesn't regret getting to know them. It only hurts this much because she knew them at all.

It gives her a reason to fight all the harder, to persevere those memories, to make sure their deaths aren't in vain.

And to craft a future where she can make new memories and have more moments — with new campers, with old friends, with Percy and Thalia, with Beckendorf and Silena, with Malcolm and the rest of her half-siblings, and with Travis and Connor.

She dozes off mid-story of the summer when they were 12, when they were young and stupid with all the free time in the world for everything and nothing.

She wakes to someone's grieving, their muffled and hiccupy sobbing jolting her every other second. It's Travis. It can only be Travis. Her head rests on top of Connor's back and Connor is still passed out asleep. Annabeth moves to get up and comfort him, but a nearly forgotten memory surfaces.

Travis doesn't cry when other people are around, Connor had told her resentfully once upon a time a long time ago, years ago, in the days when they were only single digits in age. He wants to be left alone otherwise he'll lie and pretend he's fine. Don't bother trying. I tried everything I could.

So Annabeth stays quiet and pretends to still be asleep, slumped on her back on top of Connor. She stares at the new constellation in the sky and makes promises to herself to try harder.

She won't let any more die.

Not one more.

Author's notes:

Thank you for reading! Reviews are loved and appreciated!

I wrote this alongside Malcolm's so that's why it came out so fast. Kinda out of the norm for me. Holly and Laurel are probably next. It's like … 10% written so it might take months if I don't find the right music. Or maybe Jason will come first if I can just finish TOA. I'm still on book 3 even after all these months lol. I'm kind of slow at finishing media when it comes to anything that's not drawn or animated 😅 (it's also why I haven't finished the pjo tv series or supernatural yet even tho they finished airing months and years ago one day maybe I'll get to it)