Hawk stood in the doorway. He was wearing a black T-shirt over a white long-sleeved one, his mohawk was up, immaculately done, sharp, red, violent. He looked at Sky and his throat bobbed, but otherwise, Sky couldn't read the look on his face at all.
"Hi," he said silently. "Can I come in?"
All the hurt, the anger, and the pain in Sky's heart melted away at the sound of his familiar, low, raspy voice. In front of him now, she only felt empty, hollow, and tired.
"Okay," She breathed.
Dad stood up from the chair by Sky's bed, giving a final, encouraging squeeze on her hand. "I'll give you two some time to talk," he said. "I'll be outside - just call me if you need something."
Sky gave a nod as an answer, even if she wasn't even remotely ready to have this conversation. A part of her desperately wanted to ask Dad to stay and fight this battle for her. He would if she asked, Sky knew. He would do anything for her.
But maybe he had been right, telling Sky that she should talk with Hawk for her own sake. Maybe this was a battle she needed to fight for herself.
"Be nice," Dad said to Hawk when he passed him in the doorway. "Sky doesn't need any bullshit drama now."
Hawk barely seemed to notice Dad's words. He looked at Sky, his big blue eyes wide and deep as if he was seeing her for the first time. But Sky remembered every detail of him with perfect clarity - remembered the taste of his lips, the scent of his neck, the warmth of his palms against her skin when he held her close - and every single memory was a stab wound right through her heart.
She had to look down and break eye contact. Even breathing was a struggle, every breath strained and shallow.
"You coming in or not?" she asked, the silence beginning to drive her mad.
He cleared his throat and walked inside, carefully closed the door after him, and sat in the chair dad had left vacant. A silence fell in the room between them, but it wasn't like the silences they had shared before. It wasn't soft and comfortable. It was like a living thing in the room, sucking the air out, making Sky's heart beat fast, restless, uneven.
"How are you feeling?" Hawk asked after some time.
Sky rolled her eyes. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Might have something to do with the fact that you're in the hospital?"
Sky shrugged. She didn't look up from her hands. She sensed Hawk near her like there was an electric current running between their bodies, like he was a magnet and she was iron, this irresistible force pulling her towards him as always. She knew that if he touched her, she wouldn't have the strength to resist. If he laid a hand on her she would crumble and fall, she would succumb to this need to be closer to him, she would give in. She would forgive and forget everything to just feel his lips on hers again, his arms around her holding her steady when the world was collapsing.
"I'm okayish," She said silently, her voice trembling a bit. "I guess."
"You scared me fucking shitless," Hawk breathed. "Jesus, Sky, I thought you died—"
Her heart wrenched, her stomach clenched into a tight knot. "You shouldn't have called dad. You should've let me die."
He let out a strangled sound. "And would you have done that? If it was me?"
"That's different."
"How come it's different?"
Because I really loved you. But you never loved me.
But she couldn't make herself say that. Her throat was tight, she could barely speak at all.
"Why did you lie to me?" she asked instead, and looked up from her hands, meeting the stare of his sky-blue eyes.
His throat bobbed, the muscles on his jaw and neck went tight.
"Because… I knew you'd dump me if you found out that I trashed Miyagi-Do."
"What?" A sudden flash of anger pierced Sky's chest. After the dull, aching depression she had felt since waking up, this emotion was fierce, sharp, powerful. It felt like a raging fire inside of her chest.
"We were on the break," Hawk went on, his tone strained and nervous. "I wanted to get back together, not to break up. Had I told you—"
"You fucking planned it, didn't you? All along - to lie to me about it." Sky seethed through her teeth. "You fucking asshole—!"
Hawk flinched at her words, his shoulders went tense.
"I'm sorry."
"Did you even feel bad about it?" Sky asked with a trembling voice.
"About lying to you? Hell yes."
Liar.
"I don't believe you."
The memories of their vacation in Italy flashed through Sky's mind. With breathtaking clarity, she now saw all the times when she had asked him if he knew anything about what had happened at Miyagi-Do, all the times he had looked her in the eye when holding her in his arms and told her he had no idea who could have done it. His innocent, blue eyes when he fucking lied to her, time after time after time. Sky's chest went tight with regret and shame when she thought of the night she had knelt on the floor in front of him, he had buried his fingers deep in her hair as she had sucked his dick - it had been her way of showing him she had forgiven about the Mall fight, that she loved him and trusted him, trusted him so completely that she was willing to do something like that with him, willing to let him fucking come in her mouth. And then later, in the bathroom, when he had fucked her, she had laid her hand on the tattoo on his chest - her name inked on his skin - she had thought they were one, that nothing would ever come between them, because he loved her that much, trusted their love enough to write it on his skin—
And all the time he had been lying to her, and for what?
Because he didn't want to lose his access to easy pussy?
How Hawk and his friends must have laughed at her behind her back! Laughed at her stupid, trusting, innocent love.
She felt like an idiot.
The tears were choking her, making her voice thin and stretched, they burnt in her throat. She couldn't stop them as they fell to her cheeks, tears of anger, betrayal, and shame.
"Sky, come on—" Hawk groaned. "I wanted to tell you, but—
"But what?"
"You wouldn't have understood."
"That's right. I wouldn't have," She was crying now, her voice trembling and failing her. "I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore."
He looked like she had slapped him. "You know me better than anyone—"
Liar.
"The Eli I fell in love with never would have done this. I— I fucking loved you. I gave you everything. I thought you were different! But you— you're just like every other guy. I was good enough to be fucked but not good enough to be treated with respect. I knew it—" She had to stop to draw in a shaky, uneven breath between the sobs. "— I fucking knew I was a stupid slut—"
"You are not! I never thought so. I know I fucked up and Jesus Christ I'm so fucking sorry—" he paused to swallow. "But I love you—!"
Liar.
"You don't even know what that word means!" Sky sobbed. "You— you don't fucking lie to people you love!"
"But—"
"Just get out!" She wept, tears blinding her vision. "Get out of here! I never want to see you again—!"
He tried to take her hand but she pulled it away fiercely, leaving his hand hovering in the air in mid-motion. His shoulders were shaking and when he spoke again, his voice was thick with tears.
"Please, I'm begging you here. Just give me another chance. I promise I'll never lie to you again—"
Liar.
"I said get out—!" Sky sobbed. "Get out, get out, get away from me—!"
She hadn't realized she was screaming before the door opened and Dad stepped in, an alarmed look on his face. "Sky, what—?"
"I want him out!" Sky cried, her whole body trembling with emotion. "I want to die!"
"Eli, just go!" Dad commanded with a harsh tone, but it wasn't really necessary. Hawk was already on his feet. He backed to the door, his eyes wide, his face pale, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but then didn't. And then he was gone. He slammed the door as he went and through her ragged sobs, Sky heard his running footsteps disappearing down the hall.
Dad's arms were around Sky's body, strong, warm, soothing - but it didn't help one bit. The pain was devastating, it hit Sky like a train wreck. She had wanted Hawk gone but now she felt his absence as physical pain. It was like a part of her body was ripped off, her heart or her liver, the marrow of her bones. She buried her face into Dad's shoulder and cried, violent sobs tearing through her weary body, her tears soon soaking Dad's shirt.
"It's okay," Dad kept murmuring, holding her steady when she was crumbling to pieces. "It's okay, I've got you. It's gonna be fine."
Liar.
Hawk could only see darkness.
It was as if the world had suddenly been bleached of all color and turned black and white. He had fallen into a world of shadows, into a deep, dark well, and there was no way out.
He stumbled out of the hospital, barely realizing where he was going. Sky's screams were still echoing in his ears - first her demand of wanting him out, then the horrible wish to die, and finally the wordless cry she had let out, that had followed him all the way to the front doors as he had run away from her.
He recognized that sound because it was the same sound that roared in his chest too. The sound of a dying heart.
For days he had waited for Sky to wake up, had hoped against all hope that she would forgive him and that everything would be okay.
But now all hope was gone. It was destroyed like Hiroshima after the a-bomb, evaporated into the thin air as smoke and ashes so that there was nothing left.
Sky lived, she was awake, she was going to be okay - but he couldn't find happiness in any of that, not tonight, not now, because she wasn't his anymore.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to smash things, to get into a fight, he wanted to hurt someone, anyone, most of all himself.
I can't go home. Not like this—
Home there would be mom, asking a million questions about Sky, and he didn't want to answer one. Mom with her kind eyes and soft words and sandwiches she would make—
And he would fucking lash at her if he went home. He would punch his fist through the kitchen wall if he had to talk to anybody.
There was only one place he wanted to go to. The place where he always felt strong, where no weakness, no love, no mercy existed.
The dojo was dark, but the front door wasn't locked. As he yanked the door open, the bell jingled. The air smelled like sweat, pain, and steel, and he breathed it in with deep, heavy breaths to repel the lingering scent of the hospital - sweet roses, medicine, sickness - that had been making him sick. He kicked off his shoes and entered. Swiftly he crossed the main dojo. He knew every corner here, every inch of the mat, every shadow. This was more home than his home had ever been, this was the place where he had been reborn, where he had shed his old skin and been hatched as Hawk.
Here he knew who he was, even now, even if he knew nothing else anymore and there was an aching hole in the place of his heart.
Here, he didn't need a heart.
Some light came from the office, indicating that either Sensei Lawrence or Sensei Kreese was still there. Hawk didn't care - he had been told that if the door was open, he could come in and train - so he made his way straight into the back room where the punching bag was waiting for him, waiting for his fists, his rage, his blood.
He cried out loud when he attacked. The first couple of punches were fierce enough to rattle his bones, but he continued, and soon his skin scraped off his knuckles.
Blood stained his hands, fresh blood, bright and red as rubies in this black and white world. The smell of blood - iron with a tang of something sweet - was mixed with the familiar scent of the dojo and his sweat. He hit again, sharp grunts and cries breaking out of him with every strike and kick.
The more his hands hurt, the less his chest ached.
He didn't know for how long he had been beating the shit out of the bag when he realized he wasn't alone. He recognized Kreese's presence behind him, his smell of cigars and whiskey before he even said a word.
"What happened?" Kreese asked, his voice low and dark as always. Hawk didn't turn to look, just paused for a moment, loosening the tight grip of his fists as he took a breath.
"My girlfriend dumped me."
Saying it out loud almost made him choke. He punched the bag again, staining the black leather with his blood.
"Miss O'Brian?"
Hawk didn't reply. His fist met the punching bag with sickening force, but not hard enough, still not hard enough to silence the roaring in his chest.
"She found out that I trashed Miyagi-Do," he groaned. "That's why she dumped me."
"Really?"
Hawk nodded in response. He didn't turn to look, but he heard the low grunt Kreese made in response.
"Miss O'Brian should have congratulated you for finishing that fight." Kreese spoke slowly, his voice low, raspy, dark. "In fact - she should have been there with you to begin with, since she is the champion. But what did she do instead? Got weak and emotional, showed mercy to the enemy."
Hawk's face twisted, he clenched his jaw tight. Regret had a bitter taste, one he could not easily repel. It wasn't the first time he thought about that - that Sky should have been there with him. She was Cobra Kai - or at least she had been - and she was the most badass girl he had ever met. They should have shared that night's reckless joy, he would have given the medal for her to wear with pride, in a chain so long that it would have rested between her beautiful, supple breast.
He had wanted to fuck her while she was wearing that medal and nothing else, and she would have looked up at him with pride and lust in her green eyes.
But it had been just a dream, a stupid dream, one that was now destroyed forever.
He punched the bag again, the pain in his knuckles driving away the tears that threatened to choke him.
"I heard she is in hospital." Kreese spoke.
"Yes."
"Did she attempt suicide?"
Who had told Kreese, Hawk didn't know. For a moment he felt bad, knowing that Sky wouldn't have liked it, but then he pushed that thought away. It didn't matter anymore what Sky liked or didn't like.
They weren't together anymore. She wanted nothing to do with him. So so what if Kreese knew?
"Yes, Sensei," he grunted and attacked the punching bag again.
Kreese made a sound that could have been a low chuckle or just a grunt. Hawk didn't know, he punched the bag again and again, as if destroying it could destroy every inch of his pain, but it only worked so far.
"She was always soft." Kreese said. "She showed mercy. It was her weakness. Just look at what the world does to those who are soft."
He had reason. Hawk knew that. Sky had always been too soft, she felt mercy for those who didn't deserve it, she cared too much. Whereas Hawk didn't give a shit about anything or anyone except for her, and—
And now she wasn't his to care anymore.
That thought erupted from his chest as a low, desperate groan as he punched the bag, again and again, his muscles already trembling with exhaustion.
"She gave up. She thought the fight was over when truly, the fight is never over." Kreese's voice spoke with dark determination as he kept observing Hawk who was still attacking the bag with all his might.
Hawk's muscles trembled, his chest felt like it would collapse but still, he kept hitting the bag. Again, again, again - he wouldn't stop until he didn't feel a thing.
"There is a lesson to be learned here," Kreese said. "Do you see what it is?"
Hawk stopped punching the bag and turned to face Kreese, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat was running down his forehead, his neck, gluing his shirt to his body.
"I think so, Sensei."
"And?"
"No mercy," he groaned.
"Good," Kreese replied and a slow smile stretched his lips. "Keep that in mind. We will be needing a new champion."