Sky had changed her clothes at least a dozen times before finding the perfect outfit for her non-date with Cody.
It had been surprisingly difficult, and now piles of clothes lay scattered on the floor and her bed, dresses, jeans, skirts - even some high heels she had tried on, before realizing she still couldn't walk with them without losing her balance.
Stupid brain injury. Sky really missed high heels, missed the feeling they gave her, like she was a beautiful badass who could take on the world.
But for now, cute sneakers would have to do.
She stood in front of the mirror, observing her looks with a frown. The pink, pleated skirt that reached her mid-thigh was super cute, and the simple, white shirt she had paired it with, revealed an inch of her stomach. Just enough to catch the eye but not so much that she would look slutty—
And why do I even care if I look like a slut? Everyone already thinks I am one.
That thought was depressing, it threatened to turn into bitterness, into hurt, and beneath there was always the sharp, piercing pain, the sickening knowledge that it was Hawk who had started this rumor—
Sky stopped her thoughts before they could go further, reached for the pill bottle that was on her dresser, and took one. The second one for today, but it wasn't that much, was it? She wasn't planning on taking more. Just enough to keep Hawk off her mind, the things he had said to her, his face when he had grabbed her arm at school today, as if he still cared, as if their love hadn't been just a lie.
She sipped some water to swallow the pill down, to flush away the bitter aftertaste. It wasn't like she used drugs for fun. It was a matter of survival, just a life vest that would keep her head above the surface for as long as she was in danger of drowning. But if she ever remembered how to swim, she wouldn't need the life vest anymore. Then she could maybe stop the pills. Maybe. With that thought, she pushed the pill bottle into the drawer of her dresser and closed it, turning the key in the lock.
She could definitely keep this under control. And Dad would never have to find out about it.
With a sigh, she turned her attention to her makeup, starting to fix it a bit, adding some eyeliner and mascara, and painting her lips pink with a shade that matched her skirt. The image in the mirror looked cute. She looked like the girl Sky had once been before her bloody and beating heart had been ripped out of her chest. She added some glittery eyeshadow, trying to ignore the hollow pain the passing thoughts of Hawk had caused. Hell, she would paint the whole fucking world with pink and glitter if it only helped her forget—
Her phone blipped, and Sky picked it up, to notice that Moon had replied to the text she had sent her earlier.
Sky: what can u tell me about Cody Bishop?
Moon: Cody?
you're not interested in him, are u?
Sky, he's bad news.
Sky stared at Moon's message for a couple of seconds, feeling a tight knot forming in her stomach. Suddenly she was reminded of the night she had gone to meet Cody, the sharp coldness she had sensed from him, the way he had chuckled before saying are you kneeling or not?
But he had been so nice the next morning, and then today… he had been cute and nervous, blushing when trying to ask if Sky wanted to go out with him.
Sky glanced at the card with the grouchy hedgehog and the text that said I'm sorry I was a jerk and felt a weird weight on her chest.
She typed a swift answer to Moon's message.
Sky: what do u mean?
Moon: I hear nasty things about him
Sky: what things?
Moon: he dates a lot of girls
but never just one
he dated Chrissy last year and dumped her just like that for someone else. Chrissy took it so hard.
please don't tell me ur going out with him?
Sky sighed. Well, there was nothing surprising there. Cody definitely had the aura of a guy who left a trail of broken hearts after him wherever he went. But Sky noticed she didn't really care - it wasn't like she was looking for love anyways - her heart was still an open wound filled with disgusting things and she was pretty sure she could never love again.
So there was no harm in letting that pretty boy buy her a milkshake, was there?
Sky:
you're the one who gave me his number
Moon: to buy weed!
not to date the guy
Sky: don't worry, Moony
It's not like that
it's not a date
u know I'm not ready for that
Sky paused to take a breath. Moon was the only one of her friends who knew she was still in love with Hawk. Moon had stopped by yesterday to check on her and to talk about the Halloween costumes they were going to wear for the dance, and when she had asked how Sky was doing, she had fallen apart and started crying hysterically, telling Moon everything that had happened. Every single thing Hawk had said to her that night on his front steps, and how much that hurt, that all this time she had loved him and she still loved him more than anything, so much it was a constant ache in her chest, and he had… he had only been with her to—-
Sky stopped that thought before she could finish it. Her hands holding the phone were trembling. She wished the effect of the drug was faster, she didn't want to feel this pain, it was driving her mad. She made a mental note to ask Cody if he had any faster-working opiates in his selection—
That was the one thing Sky hadn't told Moon about that night - the part where she had ended up at Cody's and bought drugs. That part she hadn't told anyone, and that was the way she intended to keep it.
Moon: I know
give your heart time to heal
and be careful with Cody
I would hate to see you get hurt again
Sky: Thanks
no need to worry
The doorbell rang, making Sky startle - she had lost the track of time - but now that she glanced at her watch she noticed it was 6pm already. Cody was punctual.
"Dad, would you get the door?" She called over her shoulder, starting to gather her things, pushing her phone into her handbag. "I'll be down in a minute."
She checked her image in the mirror once more - the red curls hid the scars on the side of her head, the white T-shirt covered her phoenix tattoo, and the old and new wounds on her shoulder, on her arm. She looked like anyone, like she could be just a normal girl, a whole girl, someone who still had a heart, a life, dreams and hopes, and a future.
Clenching her jaw, she picked up her handbag and walked out of the room, down the stairs into the hall where Cody was already waiting for her, talking with Dad. Sky heard their voices before she saw them - Dad asking something, Cody replying politely, his voice soft and melodic, such a beautiful voice.
She stopped on the stairs to look at him.
Moon's warnings ran through her mind which was beginning to feel a bit cloudy. Be careful. I hear nasty things about him. And Sky believed her, she believed everything Moon had said, because standing there in the hall, running a hand through his dark, shiny hair, Cody was beautiful. He looked like the boy who would mercilessly steal your heart and use it and throw it away when he was done. But Sky didn't have a heart anymore, she had already lost it, so she didn't care, she didn't care about Moon's warnings or the danger or the way something was fluttering in her chest when Cody's eyes turned to her and he smiled. She could look at this pretty boy and she could have a milkshake with him, and she could never get hurt again because there was nothing left in her to be hurt.
"You're looking nice," Dad commented when Sky walked down the stairs. "I thought you said this wasn't a date."
Sky couldn't help a blush. Yes - Dad was probably used to her sweats and jeans and hoodies but still, his notion made Sky annoyed.
"It's not a date," Sky replied shortly, and brushed her hair behind her ear.
"If it was a date, I would have brought flowers," said Cody and flashed Dad a quick smile, before turning his eyes back to Sky.
He had that look you have when you see someone you think is hot, and you're trying to suppress the silly smile that comes with the thought. Sky knew that look - she was pretty sure she had the same one on her own face, because—
There was no denying it. Cody looked really good. He wore a pair of jeans and a burgundy hoodie that both looked stylish and expensive and fit him perfectly. The color of the shirt brought out the hint of green in his hazel eyes and matched the faint blush on his high cheekbones—
Sky frowned. There was a fresh bruise on his cheek. It definitely hadn't been there before when they had talked in the library a couple of hours ago.
"Hi," she said. "What happened to your cheek?"
Cody's smile faltered, he glanced at his toes, licked his lips.
"Why don't I tell you in the car?" he asked. "We should probably get going. Your Dad's given me the time when he wants you back home—"
"Dad!" Sky rolled her eyes. "We're just having milkshakes. I won't be long."
"Be back home by eight thirty," Dad said sternly. "Not a minute later. I mean it."
Sky rolled her eyes but didn't protest. After everything that had happened, she couldn't really blame Dad for worrying. He loved her and wanted the best for her, he still thought she was worth saving.
"I will, don't worry," she said and tiptoed to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
For a short moment, she wanted to stay there. To let Dad wrap his strong arms around her and keep her safe, just like when she had been small and Dad had told her monsters weren't real, that there was nothing to be scared of in the dark.
But she wasn't a kid anymore and monsters were real, they had already eaten her heart leaving nothing behind but pain and torture, and was it really such a horrible thing that she wanted to forget it all, even for a minute, an hour, for as long as the effect of the drug lasted, for as long as it took to have a milkshake with a cute boy who had stars in his eyes?
So she let go of Dad and turned to leave. Cody opened the door for her like a gentleman, and his smile was back. It played on his lips when she walked out past him and he looked at her, his hazel eyes turning soft and dark. He looked at her like she was the only girl in the world, and Sky didn't care that it was just an act, that it was just a lie, that it was only meant to make her fall for him.
Because in the end, there is beauty in lies. It's the truth that kills you.