Sky was sitting cross-legged on her bed in her leggings and an oversized, pink T-shirt, loud music blaring on her earphones. She kept staring at the screen of her laptop - at another anonymous message on her Insta. A photo of the SLUT! that had been painted on the door of her locker and a short, angry text that said: you'll get what's coming for you, bitch.
She stared at those words, a tight band of anxiety squeezing the air out of her lungs. It wasn't that she regretted going to the dojo and standing up for Cody - she didn't - but she didn't particularly want to get a beating either.
I wonder if Hawk is in this too?
That thought was painful, it was a knife embedded in the muscle of her heart. She didn't want to believe he would do something like this to her, but—
After everything he's done? I bet he painted that on my locker himself.
Sky slammed the lid of her laptop and buried her face in her hands that were trembling slightly, drew in a shaky breath, then another. She wished she had someone she could talk to about this, she wished she wasn't this alone, she wished Kat was still alive, she wished she had more pills.
If only she had more pills—
At that moment the door opened and Dad walked into her room, followed by Cody, making Sky jump. Swiftly she pulled off her earphones.
"You have a visitor," Dad said with a neutral tone. "I let him in since you kept ignoring the doorbell."
"Sorry," Sky said and ran a hand through her hair hoping Dad didn't notice the slight tremor in her voice. "Didn't hear it, had my earphones on."
Cody had stopped in the doorway, his observant glance no doubt noticing not only her state of mind but also the details of the room - the piles of dirty clothes on the floor and on the chairs, the books and the papers scattered on her desk, empty soda cans on the floor. The room was a mess, and suddenly Sky felt embarrassed - Dad had said something about her needing to clean it before her friend arrived, but it had slipped her mind.
Many things seemed to slip her mind lately.
She glanced from Cody to Dad who was eyeing the mess with a frown on his face. "I know. I was meaning to clean it, but—"
"—apparently, you have turned into a little piggy," noted Dad dryly. "This room is disgusting."
"I don't mind," spoke Cody softly. "You should see my little brother's room. This is nothing."
Sky gave him a grateful smile for that lie. She had seen David's room and it was just as neat and clean as everything in Cody's house.
"I brought ice cream, I hope it's fine." he continued showing her the Ben & Jerry's tub and the two spoons he was holding in his hands, and Sky couldn't help a small laugh.
"Cherry Garcia? How did you know it's my favorite?"
"I didn't, it was a lucky guess." His smile was so wide it revealed all his sharp, white teeth.
"Right," said Dad, glancing from Cody to Sky. "Don't stuff yourself with that. I'm making dinner."
"Don't worry," Sky replied. "I always have room for your lasagna."
It was a lie, of course. She had no appetite these days, she couldn't even remember when was the last time she had been hungry, but she would force herself to eat anyway so that Dad wouldn't worry. The last thing she needed was for Dad to find out she was using. The state of her room was bad enough of a slip already, she couldn't afford more mistakes like that one.
That thought made her turn her eyes to Cody. Had he brought her the pills? She couldn't wait to get Dad out of the room to find out. The effect of the drug she had taken in school had worn off and the anxiety had hit her full force about an hour ago, making her hands tremble, her heartbeat fast and uneven. It was a struggle to keep a smile on her face so that Dad wouldn't suspect anything.
"I guess there is no way to persuade you to watch the movie in the living room?" Dad asked as he picked up a couple of empty soda cans from the floor.
Sky made a face. "And to be forced to listen to you and Lisa while you cook? No Thanks! I want to concentrate on the movie."
"As long as that's what you're concentrating on," Dad noted rather dryly. "I mean it. No funny business."
"Oh my God, Dad," Sky blushed all the way to her ears. "Can you just go? Please?"
"You don't need to worry, Dr. O'Brian. We're just friends, and it really is only a movie night." Spoke Cody with perfect calm, and Sky thanked the Lord for his acting skills that seemed to convince Dad.
Finally!
When Dad had walked out of the room, it took Sky less than a heartbeat to jump out of her bed, lock the door and rush to Cody.
"Did you bring it?"
Cody's smile disappeared. He hesitated for a short moment but then laid the ice cream and the spoons on the bed and with a sigh pulled a small pill bottle from his pocket.
"Yeah, I did."
Relief washed over Sky's body like a wave, taking her breath away.
"Oh my God, I fucking love you!"
She didn't notice how Cody stiffened at her words as she was already going through her wallet, her mind only on the pills that soon would be hers, that would take away this clenching pain in her chest. Her hands were shaking as she stuffed the money into Cody's hands and snatched the bottle from his fingers. She had been waiting for this moment for days! It had been pure agony to try and survive with one pill per day. She needed more, she needed this, this miracle. The relief made her breathless, the rattle of the pills in the tiny bottle was the sweetest sound she had ever heard. It was all going to be fine now, she wouldn't have to feel the anxiety and the fear, she wouldn't have to think about anything she didn't want to think—
With trembling hands, she poured two pills into her palm, popped them into her mouth, reached to take the water bottle she kept on her desk, and swallowed. The taste of the pills was a little sour and full of promise. Her heartbeat began to calm down immediately.
She didn't have to think about Hawk painting the word on the door of her locker. She didn't have to think about him at all.
When Sky turned to face Cody, he was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at her with serious eyes. His dark hair fell around his face, the strands kissed the tops of his high cheekbones.
"What is it?" She asked with a hesitant smile. "Why so serious?"
He looked down, at his hands which were again holding the spoons as if his fingers needed something to fidget. The Ben & Jerry's tub sat on the bed next to him, still unopened. He cleared his throat. Suddenly there was something stiff, something awkward in his posture.
"Sky, I'm not gonna sell to you anymore."
Sky felt like she'd been hit. The floor was crumbling under her feet.
"What—? But— but why?"
"Because that stuff is going to kill you."
Anger flashed through her chest. She gripped the bottle in her hand hard, as if it was an invaluable treasure.
"No, it's not! It's keeping me alive!"
Cody's eyes were sad, he leaned his elbows to his knees and let out a long, trembling sigh.
"You know that's not true. There is no happy ending for an addict, Sky. And I… I care about you. I can't be the one who brings on your death. That's the last bottle you'll ever get from me."
Sky sucked in the angry reply that had already been on the tip of her tongue and took a deep breath instead. It was the way he had said that he cared about her, the way his voice had trembled ever so slightly on that word, that made Sky believe him.
After the week she had taken care of him, or maybe already during those days, when she had sat on his bed reading a book to him, something had changed between them. She had seen him at his worst, bleeding and hurting, completely helpless - and she had stayed with him, had returned every day.
It was no wonder that he cared about her, that he wanted to keep her safe. She couldn't bear the thought of something bad happening to him either. They were bound together by blood and pain, whether she liked it or not.
Sky sat on the bed, leaned her back on the pillows, and pulled her knees against her chest.
"Come here," she said and patted the bed next to her.
Cody did as he was told. He abandoned the spoons, leaving them next to the ice cream tub, and moved closer, taking a seat next to her, so close she could feel his warmth in the air, his familiar scent of books, and the spicy aftershave. A short silence fell between them.
"This bed is crazy," Cody said finally, to break that silence. "It's very Wuthering Heights."
"It is, isn't it?" Sky asked glancing at the canopy. "Or Pride and Prejudice."
"I always thought you more of a Sense and Sensibility girl."
Sky looked at him with a small smile. How well he already knew her, as if they had known each other a lot longer than just a couple of weeks.
"So, you really aren't going to sell to me anymore?"
He evaded her gaze.
"No. I'm sorry—" his throat bobbed. "I can't."
"You are a lousy drug dealer, you know? You shouldn't care about your clients."
"I don't give a shit about my other clients." He rasped. "It's you I don't wanna see dead."
Another short silence.
"I can't stop using. Not yet. I'm not ready."
"Sky, maybe if you got some help," Cody spoke, his voice hesitant but with a flicker of hope. "If you told your dad—"
"No fucking way."
"Or start doing Karate again? You know, it's helped me - not karate obviously - but martial arts. When I don't want to think about something…" His voice trailed off, and Sky turned to look at him. "I know it's hard. I know, but—"
"You don't know, though," Sky replied with a hint of annoyance. "You have no idea of the things I've been through."
He looked sad, his face was shadowed.
"You could tell me."
"Talking doesn't help shit! I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, I— I just want to forget. And I can't do that, not without these." She spoke, her voice trembling with intensity. "It's not the drugs that will kill me. It's the thoughts I can't silence."
"I've been through some shitty things too, you know," Cody said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "And yeah, I know how it feels not to want to remember. But Sky, those pills will never fix what's broken inside of you."
"No. But they give me a moment of peace."
He was silent for a while, staring at his feet. He had kicked off his sneakers when he had climbed to sit on the bed with her, the white cotton socks revealed the shape of his feet and toes, large but beautifully shaped.
"You wanna hear something about me, that no one else knows?" He asked then, his voice barely more than a shadow.
"If you want to tell."
"When I was small I was living with my aunt and her boyfriend." He stopped to take a shaky breath. "They were addicts."
"Oh, Cody—"
Sky's heart hurt. Suddenly so many things about him made sense - among them the way he had refused to take Oxycontin, saying he had bad genes.
"They used to beat me." Another silence. He was twisting his hands, his knuckles were white, the muscles of his forearms were trembling. "And I don't mean a slap on the face beat me. I mean like Let's take a baseball bat and break all his bones beat me."
His face was emotionless, or rather, it looked like he was clinging to the mask of no emotions with everything he had. She saw the small tremble of his lips, a thing she knew he didn't want her to notice, and it made something break inside of her chest. She felt like she was choking, the words were a cold lump in her throat and it took a moment before she could get them out.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry that happened to you."
He shook his head and let out a forced laugh. "I don't need your pity. I'm not that kid anymore."
"It's not pity. It's compassion."
"Look," he turned his eyes to her, and they were dark like a starless night. "I don't know what you've been through, but I know it's something bad. It's not just your… breakup with Hawk that you're running away from, right? Or the fight in school?"
Sky kept his stare but didn't answer. There was a lump in her throat, a lump of sadness and fear, regret and unsaid words.
Cody took her hand in his, slow and careful as if not to startle her. His hand was warm, always, always warm, his fingers entwined with hers.
"I know I'm not the perfect example of how to be emotionally stable and live a good life," he continued, his palm pressing tight against hers. "But— but I know that if you keep using those pills, you will die. And I— I don't want that to happen. I want you to know that I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk about whatever it is that's hurting you."
His words came from the heart, and she felt them in hers. For a moment she felt like she would cry, she felt the urge to start talking, to tell him everything, every fucking thing—
Because he was broken too. She hadn't seen it in the beginning, because he was so good at hiding it, but she saw it now. He knew how it felt not to be a whole person, but broken and hollow, just a shadow pretending to be alive, and he would understand her unlike any of her friends, he wouldn't be shocked or horrified, he wouldn't try to pretend it wasn't that bad, he would understand because he had walked through Hell too.
But the effect of the pills was finally starting to kick in, making her soft and a bit drowsy, and the painful memories were beginning to slip away from her, they were carried under the surface with deep currents, and wasn't that what she had wanted? She wasn't going to go poking on them now, that they were for once silent.
Maybe some other day.
"You're a strange boy," she said softly after a long silence.
"That's not a very nice thing to say, is it?" He sighed and turned to look at her. His eyes were still dark and weary, tired, and Sky felt that tiredness in her bones.
She was tired of feeling like crap all the time. She missed fun, laughter, smiling, and those endless, beautiful summer nights when your heart is so full of love and life that it is scary and wonderful at the same time. She missed the girl she had once been, of whom nothing remained but scars and sorrows.
"Being normal is overrated. Maybe I like strange," she said and let go of his hand - only to climb to sit in his lap so that her thighs were on both sides of his hips.
He let out a slow exhale, his eyes grew dark as he glanced up at her.
Her arms perched on his shoulders, she leaned in, bringing her lips closer to his but not quite close enough to touch. The softness of her breast pressed against his lean chest, and his hands found her hips, they were warm, almost hot, even through the fabric of her leggings and her T-shirt.
"You wanna do something fun?" she asked with a slow grin.
He answered that smile, and it erased the remnants of shadows and sadness in his eyes. That smile lit up the whole fucking room.
"What about the ice cream?" he asked, a grin lingering on his lips as he slid his hands up to her waist. "And the movie?"
"I have a feeling you'll like this more."
The sound that left his lips into her mouth when she kissed him, proved her right.