The very next day, Cody came back.

Seeing him standing in the doorway, in his jeans and a T-shirt, his dark hair falling to his ears in messy, undisciplined strands, Sky realized how horribly she had feared she would never see him again. Her heart swelled, filling her ribcage, taking her breath away.

"I'm sorry I had to leave like that—" he said, as soon as he had closed the door behind him and they were alone in the room. "I kept thinking about it all night. Sky—"

"It's okay, I know you had to go."

Sky stood up from her bed, but Cody held a hand up, stopping her before she could walk to him.

"Please, let me finish. I– I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said. I understand why you didn't want to tell me before, why you didn't want to tell anyone. It's the same with what Carol and JD did to me— You think there's shame, that people who love you would look at you differently if they knew, but Sky—" the words were falling off his lips so fast that he was out of breath, his cheeks were burning, they were the color of dark, red wine. "I understand, I don't want anyone to know about— about the abuse either, I've never even told Tom, even if I know he wouldn't stop being my friend if he knew— And yeah, you are right. There is shame. But the shame isn't yours. It's not yours, Sky. You had a boyfriend. You loved him, you trusted him, and he did something horrible to you. The shame is his, not yours."

His words were everything. Never had Sky thought that anyone would understand exactly how she felt, and to hear that he did, that he knew what she was going through because he too had suffered too—

She was crying before she even realized it.

"But I've been so stupid—" Her tears burst free without a warning, they spilled to her cheeks in streams. "Everyone's gonna think I deserved that for being— for being a stupid slut."

"No, Sky, no—" he was shaking his head as he walked to her, and took her hands in his. There were tears in his eyes too, his voice was thick, broken. "You didn't deserve it. And anyone who thinks that, is a fucking idiot. It's not stupid to trust someone. To love someone. It's not stupid, it's— it's the most beautiful thing in the world."

The way he said it "To love someone— it's the most beautiful thing in the world." formed a knot in Sky's chest. His kindness was more than she could take. She had been so sure, he would never come back, but here he was, his scent of books and aftershave surrounded her, and it was safe, it was familiar, it killed her fear and her shame until nothing of them remained but ashes.

"Sky, I'm here for you," Cody sighed, and his hands were warm, they were steady even if his voice had a slight tremor. "There's nothing you can say that would make me— care less about you."

He didn't say the word love, but it was there nevertheless.

It was there, in the gentleness with which he held her hands, it was there in the silence between his words. She could see it in the way he looked at her, in the way his chest rose and fell with his rapid, strained breaths.

He— loves me? After everything I told him? After everything I've done?

There was a lump in her throat. She was far from ready for this sudden realization, it scared the Hell out of her - and yet she leaned towards it, because how could she not? Who wouldn't want to be loved? To want to be cared for? What he was offering to her was water for someone who was dying of thirst, it was a ray of sunlight after getting lost in the darkness.

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

A gasp left his lips, and then their mouths crashed together. His lips were hot, hungry, proof of the fact that he still wanted her - that what she had told him had changed nothing between them. He didn't think she was ruined, disgusting, dirty - he wanted her, he held her against his chest as if he was drowning and she was the only thing keeping him above the surface.

Suddenly she thought about Hawk - about the night on his front steps, how he had yelled at her I was so sick of your stupid, never-ending drama— It was always about you, about your issues, about how fucking hard everything was for you! and that memory pierced her heart like a dagger made of ice. Hawk had never been able to take her sorrow, her trauma, her sick, twisted heart, but Cody—

He wasn't scared of her secrets. He loved her just the way she was, with her stupid never-ending drama and all.

Cody buried his fingers deep in her curls and kissed her like it was the end of the world, and Sky pushed away the image of Hawk. It didn't matter anymore - he didn't matter anymore. In the end, he had treated her like the stupid slut he thought she was, so what was the point of thinking about him now, that Cody was here, that Cody was kissing her so sweet, so gentle, so kind?

Cody had always been gentle with her - but maybe now he was even more so. And when his hands moved to her body, when his lips wanted to explore her skin - before every new step he asked are you sure, or is this good, or can I? Until Sky finally had to tell him that he really needed to stop asking that all the time, because it was annoying as fuck. But even then he kept asking that with his hands and his lips, even if not with his words, and when he laid her down on the bed, he was slow and careful, he made her feel safe, beautiful, loved.

When he left that day, he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, and he said "I'll come back as soon as I can. I promise." But when she lay in her bed that night, his scent was still in her sheets, surrounding her like a soft blanket, and she could still feel his touch on her body, the sweet ache between her legs where he had entered her. And she also heard the words he hadn't said, but that had been there nevertheless I love you, I love you, I love you and they were like music in her ears, they were sweet like honey, bitter like venom.

She stayed awake most of that night, tossing and turning restless in her bed. It was only past 3 am when she finally drifted into a restless sleep.

Cody visited her again a couple of days later, and from then on he returned every two or three days. They didn't talk about his feelings toward her. He said nothing about them, and Sky didn't ask. It was almost like a silent agreement between them, that they wouldn't talk about it as long as she was in rehab, which was fine by Sky, because she still had no idea what to say when they eventually would have to have that conversation.

But she accepted his romantic gestures, the kind words, the gentle kisses, the small gifts he brought - more chapters of A Little Life, some Nescafe sachets, small chocolates, a flower he had picked up from the garden. Just little things that wouldn't cause Dad to suspect anything if he noticed them in her room - but these little things were everything to Sky. They reminded her that there was a world outside this place, a world full of wonderful things waiting for her, a world of chocolate and coffee and books and movies —and love. Maybe there was love for her, even if she had believed herself unworthy of it, had thought her heart was dead and barren after what Hawk - and Matt - had done to her. Maybe there was hope that she could heal, that her heart could beat again, that one day she would be able to trust, to feel, to let it all in again. There was so much worth living for - a whole fucking world, of which she had seen so little.

She began to wait for Cody's visits in restless anticipation. They were her lifeline, the thing that made her want to get better, to get out of here.

Sky could only imagine how difficult it was for him to find time to visit her - it was an hour's drive from the area where they lived, and it wasn't as if Cody didn't have anything else to do. He took school very seriously, he was active not only in the drama club but also in the debate club and the school paper, he had Muay Thai classes a couple of times a week and on top of all that, Sky knew he wanted to spend time with his siblings whenever he could, driving them to their hobbies or playing soccer with David in the backyard or watching Harry Potter movies with Leigh. How on Earth did he balance all that - plus his drug dealing business - was beyond Sky. She knew he must have given up some of those things to visit her, but when she asked about it, he just said "Don't worry about it. You need me, it's more important than some debate club."

It was true that she needed him, so she silenced the voice that told her she was being selfish and stupid, that she was just using him, and stealing him from the people and things that needed him too. It wasn't like she forced him to visit her, was it? He didn't have to come. And every time he left, Sky was sure he wouldn't return, in fact, she told him he didn't have to do that, that she understood he must have more important things to do than to be with her, but he wouldn't hear any of it. Every time he came back, and every time it made Sky feel like there was light in her veins instead of blood.

He never failed to come when he had promised to, and every time he asked Sky what she wanted to do today, what would cheer her up and make her feel better. They walked in the garden, they sat down on the terrace watching hummingbirds, drinking tea, and eating organic muffins with chocolate Cody had smuggled in. And more times than not, there was sex. His passion for her was undeniable, it was flattering, it was addictive. It was healing something inside of her, that had been broken for a long time.

They made love in her bed, him on top of her, his kisses burning into the skin of her neck, and he was slow and gentle, excruciatingly so, and he cried and sobbed her name when he came. But her room was risky - Luke kept reminding them of that - so they also had sex outdoors, in the nearby woods against a tree trunk, behind the horse stables after the classes - because who was gonna be there at that time? There, in the golden light of the setting sun, Cody pushed her against the wall and suckled on her nipples until she was a shivering mess, begging for him to make her come, and only then did he give her mercy and slid his long, skillful fingers under her skirt, between her legs.

After sex, they talked. The secrets kept unfolding like a ball of yarn.

Lying in her bed, her head resting on his chest, Sky told him about the day Kat had died. She didn't hide the fact that it was her fault - let him know every horrible detail of the party where she had decided to get her revenge on Matt by sleeping with his friend, and how that had backfired in the worst way possible, and Kat had been killed. She showed him the photos of her and Kat she had brought with her from home and told him things about Kat she hadn't told anyone in a very long time. She told him about her near-death experience when she had met Kat, and through it all, he held her in his arms, just listening to her silently, giving her the time she needed to get through the story, not interrupting her once.

"Do you believe me?" She asked, tears making her voice wet and thick. "You don't think I'm nuts?"

"I believe you," he said and kissed her brow so gently that the touch of his lips felt like the wings of a butterfly, and Sky's heart melted because Hawk had never believed her. He had said he believed that Sky believed it, but that she had hit her head pretty hard, so it might have been just a weird coma dream. Until now, Sky hadn't realized how much she needed someone to believe she had really seen Kat. She cried like a baby in Cody's arms, and he held her as if he would never want to let go.

Every time she told him a secret, something in her chest felt lighter. It was different than talking to a therapist - after therapy, she was always tired, exhausted, because they expected her to work on all the messed up shit, they expected her to go through all the feelings and rip them apart inch by inch until they would have no power over her. But Cody wasn't a therapist - he was her friend, her more than a friend, and he simply listened, and even if some of her secrets were clearly painful for him to hear, he still accepted them and took some of the burden off her.

But she wasn't the only one sharing.

Sometimes, especially after sex, Cody grew silent and sad, as if he had a dark cloud hanging over his head. And those times, it was he who told her things he had never told anyone before.

During those haunting moments, he spoke to her about Auntie Carol and JD. He told her of the four months he had spent in a hospital after JD had beaten him up with the baseball bat, and of how he'd had to relearn how to walk, how to eat, how to talk. He told her how his foster parents had picked him up from the hospital, and how he had hoped that this was the family he had always meant to have, that finally he had parents who would take care of him, love him, be proud of him. And he told her about the day when they had brought newborn baby David home, and Cody - only seven years old - had realized his Mom would never look at him the way she looked at his brother

Those stories broke Sky's heart. But as he had taken her burden to carry it for her, she did the same for him. Somehow It was easier to carry someone else's sorrows than her own.

One time, they had sex near the stream, in the shade of the trees, and when it was over, they stayed there, lying on the grass side by side, smoking cigarettes Cody had smuggled in. It was mid-December already, but the day was still warm, the wind carried the scent of the Ocean and the ground was warm under Sky's back. She was content, relaxed, her body soft and satisfied after the lovemaking, and the world was beautiful. The branches of the willow tree arched over them hiding them from the world like a dome. Neither one of them smoked regularly, but maybe that made the feeling even better - the nicotine high was instant and sharp, and it made Sky dizzy, light-headed.

"Can I tell you something?" Cody asked with his soft, melodic voice, and Sky turned to look at him.

She brought her cigarette to her lips and inhaled.

"Always."

He was silent for a while, holding his cigarette in his long, graceful fingers. The smoke curled up towards the tree branches, a narrow white stream that soon dissolved in the air.

"My mom— my birth mom - was a… 17-year-old crack addict who gave birth to me in the parking lot of a fucking Walmart." He paused to take a deep inhale of his cigarette, maybe to hide the trembling of his voice. "It was in the middle of the night. She left me there to die, next to the garbage cans."

Feeling horrible weight on her chest, Sky rolled to her side, to see him better, but he didn't turn to look at her. The line of his jaw was hard, incredibly sharp, and even if he was pale, his cheeks were burning. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"She left me there to die - and you know why? Because she couldn't wait to get her next fix." Cody let out a bitter, joyless laugh. "They found her dead in the bathroom of some nightclub the next day - overdosed. That's the only reason I know who my mom was - when they examined the body they realized she'd given birth, and her DNA matched mine."

He took a greedy inhale of his cigarette, breathed the smoke deep into his lungs, and held it there for a couple of heartbeats before letting it go. "She left me to die. Like, who does that shit? To their own kid?"

Sky had no words. Her chest ached for Cody. No child deserved to be abandoned like that, and Cody least of all. She wanted to tell him that - that he was beautiful, that he was kind, that he was generous and fun and smart, and that she cared about him, that she would tear apart anyone who tried to hurt him again. But the silence was heavy in the air between them, and before she knew how to break it, Cody went on.

"I used to have these… like really dark thoughts." He still wasn't looking at her. His voice was dark and bitter, and he spoke almost hastily, as if he wanted to get this story off his chest as quickly as possible. "It wasn't just my birth mom I hated, but my aunt Carol too. I… I used to think that all addicts were like them. Losers. Whores. Barely human. That they deserved all the shit that came to them, that they deserved to be treated like crap. That's… that's why I said what I said to you that night when you came to me the first time. You were such a mess, so desperate, and I thought— I thought I could take whatever I wanted from you. It didn't matter to me, you didn't matter to me, I didn't care." He was silent for a while and took another long, shaky inhale of his cigarette. "I almost did something horrible to you, Sky."

She swallowed hard. There were tears in her eyes too now, their salty taste was bitter in the back of her throat.

"But you didn't."

"I wanted to. I remember how I just– I just looked at you, and there was such… anger in me—- and I thought that I could hurt you and no one would ever know."

"But Cody—- you didn't." You didn't hurt me. Yeah, that was a shitty thing to say to anyone, but I told you no, and you respected that."

She was shivering, the sun had been covered by clouds and suddenly it was cold, or maybe this coldness had nothing to do with the sun, maybe it was creeping on her from the memory of that night, from Cody's words that brought it all back.

"You know, I barely slept that night. And in the morning, You woke up in my bed, and— and you were so scared. The way I could see it in your eyes that you were so fucking scared that I had done something—" He swallowed hard, his chest rose and fell with sharp breaths as if every word he spoke caused him pain. "I didn't know someone had done that to you. Jesus Christ— I didn't know why you were so scared. But I hated to be the one you were afraid of."

"I wasn't afraid of you," Sky sighed softly. "You didn't hurt me. You helped me. You took care of me, Cody, and that's what I remember about that night."

"You don't understand," His voice was strangled and desperate, his lips were trembling. "I'm so fucking unworthy that my own mom left me to die."

Sky wasn't quite sure how his mind had moved back to that - or maybe it was always there, always in the back of his mind, like dark, cold water under the surface of a lake, and it broke her heart. She hadn't known, she hadn't realized how horribly broken and scared he was.

"Cody— what happened to you as a baby, it was horrible. You didn't deserve it. But it doesn't define who you are."

"But what if it does? What if that's all I'm ever gonna be? Someone so disgusting that his own mom left him to die?" His voice was desperate. "I'm not a good person. I'm selfish, I'm cruel, I'm—"

Sky sat up and stuffed her cigarette in the ground - it had been burnt to the filter without her even noticing it.

"No, you're not. You're fucking amazing."

But he just kept talking, as if he hadn't even heard her, as if now that the words were pouring out of him, he had no means to stop them.

"I keep thinking about my mom— Jesus, She was barely seventeen, younger than I am now. She was your age. I've fucking hated her all my life, ever since I found out that she left me, but— now I can't stop thinking about her. How did she end up pregnant? Who was my father? I mean, I know nothing about him. Maybe he was some asshole drug dealer, just like me, what if he— what if he abused her? What if he was some bastard who— who fucking raped her? I can't blame my mom for leaving me to die if that was what happened." His lips were drawn back, the expression on his face was agonized. His long fingers were holding the cigarette butt as if he hadn't even noticed it had stopped burning, and suddenly the tears in his eyes spilled over, they fell to his cheeks and he started sobbing. "Maybe— maybe I sho– should have died that night. Maybe tha– that's what I– I deserved."

Sky took the cigarette butt from his fingers and tossed it away almost angrily.

"Stop that—" she said and laid down right next to him and pulled him in her arms. "Stop saying such things, Cody."

"It's true."

"It's not true. It's not true. You didn't deserve to die." She kept him close and he cried harder. His fingers gripped the back of her T-shirt, as he buried his face in her neck, his hot, wet breathing falling to her skin, and she kept murmuring words of comfort as if he was a child in her arms. "It's not your fault, it's not your shame. You're beautiful, Cody, in and out. You deserve the world."

He was trembling, like a leaf in the wind and he clung to her desperately, as if he would die if he had to let her go. Breathing in the scent of his tears, spiced with tobacco, Sky knew that just like he had been her lifeline these past weeks, she was now his.

"I've never told this to anyone." His voice barely more than a strangled breath, and Sky knew what he meant.

That there had never been anyone who would have held him like this when he cried. That there never had been anyone he had let near like this. That no one else in this world knew the taste of his tears, the way his voice trembled when he spoke these secrets, and it was all so sad that it broke her heart.

"It's gonna be okay," she sighed kissing his brow and his eyes. His breathing still came in short, uneven hiccups and there seemed to be no end to his tears. "It's gonna be okay, I promise. Everything's gonna be okay."

That was a lie, of course. But at that moment, it was a lie she truly wanted to believe in.