Returning to school was just as hard as Sky had anticipated - in some ways even harder.
She had missed so much of this semester - first because of the injuries she had suffered in the school fight, then because of all the drama and heart-ache Hawk had caused her, then because she had been taking care of Cody after Hawk had beaten him up - and now, almost a full month because of the rehab.
She was so much behind in all the subjects, that she had begun to think that she should just give up and start her junior year again next fall, but Dad kept telling her she was panicking for nothing. It was only Christmas - she could easily catch up on everything after the holidays.
Sky wasn't feeling too optimistic about that - but in all honesty, schoolwork was the least of her worries.
During her time in rehab, she had maintained frequent correspondence with Sam and Moon, and both of them had assured her that lying about the drugs had been forgiven and that everything was okay between them - but still, it took her by surprise that they actually meant that. During her first day back in school, Moon and Sam never left her side (except for the classes they weren't in), and sitting at lunch with them, Demetri, Yasmine, and Miguel felt like Sky was granted a gift she didn't deserve.
They slipped back into being friends as if she had never left at all. No one asked Sky much about the rehab, and for that she was grateful. She didn't want to talk about the drugs, the withdrawals, she didn't want to talk about the tears she had shed, the self-loath, the shame. Her friends meant well, but they wouldn't understand - it was easier just to look forward, to embrace this new beginning they were willing to give her and let go of the past.
She wasn't going to let them down again.
To prove that, Sky agreed to go shopping for Christmas gifts with Sam, she agreed to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special with Demetri (a BIG mistake) - and most importantly - she agreed to go to Eagle Fang with Miguel.
To be fair, Miguel didn't give her much of a choice. The next day after her return, Miggy appeared at her door with Johnny, who ordered her to change and grab a bottle of water because it was time to stop whining and start kicking ass. Sky was more than happy to obey.
So, she joined Eagle Fang.
Of course, it was a nightmare at first. Her right leg was still weak and she could barely lift it a couple of inches, her balance was nonexistent and during those first workouts, she ended up spending more time lying face down in the grass than doing anything useful. But every time she fell, Johnny was there yelling at her to stop being a pussy, so she forced herself back up and forced herself to finish the exercise no matter how many tries it took. And after the workout, she was so exhausted that she slept like a baby - no opiates needed.
There were things she still missed about the rehab, though. She missed the silence, she missed the hummingbirds, she missed the horses. But more than anything, she missed Luke, and even if she had left him her phone number, it did little good for Luke didn't have his cell phone with him. She wanted to visit him, and Dad had said she could, but it would have to wait until the holidays started - but by then Luke might have gone home too, and who knew if they'd ever see each other again? And even if they did, it wouldn't be the same. In rehab, they had lived in a bubble, and now she was out of that safe space, trying her wings in the real world again, and Luke—
Well, Sky was pretty sure he would go straight back to heroin as soon as he went home. And that was a world Sky couldn't follow him into.
But it wasn't just Luke, Sky missed. She also missed Cody.
It was ironic. One would have thought they could see each other more often now, that she wasn't locked up in a distant rehab center, but during these past three days when she had been back home, she had barely seen him.
She didn't know exactly what Dad had said to Cody, but it couldn't have been anything good. Probably he had told him to stay the Hell away from her because that was exactly what Cody was doing - not that Sky had taken him as someone who was good at doing as he was told.
He had greeted her briefly at the cafeteria the first day she was back in school, asking if she was feeling alright, but after that, she had only seen him in passing. He looked different than before. There was stiff nervousness in him, his smile seemed strained and Sky couldn't help but notice the dark shadows under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept at all.
She had no idea what was going on with him, but when she stopped him in the hallway and asked about it, he brushed that off with a nervous laugh. "It's nothing," he said. "Just… I have a lot on my mind right now."
Sky worried, but if Cody didn't want to talk, she couldn't force him. Still, she missed the way they had been able to talk to each other about everything when he had visited her in rehab. He had told her things no one else knew. He had cried in her arms, and she had cried in his. And now - were they back to being strangers to each other? She had thought he cared about her - loved her even - but now she had no idea where they stood.
It hurt Sky more than she wanted to admit. She missed him more than she would have thought possible.
But the worst part of being back, was Hawk.
She had tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, but as soon as she saw him, all the mental preparation went straight out of the window, and she was again raw as a fresh wound, her heart was bleeding through her ribcage to the tiled floor of the hallway.
He was standing outside the science class, talking with some girl Sky didn't know. The girl was short and pretty, she had dark, spiky hair and glasses and she was laughing at something he had said, her brown eyes were soft, she leaned closer to him in a way that made something twitch and turn painfully in Sky's broken chest.
For a heartbeat, she froze on her feet in front of that sight. But then Hawk looked up and saw her standing there and staring at them tears in her eyes, and his eyes widened, his throat bobbed—
That broke the spell. Sky gripped the straps of her backpack with both hands and rushed away, pushing her way through the crowd of kids until she was away from them, until she could breathe again and the spinning of her head eased.
Why do I even care? He's free to move on. God knows I have.
But no matter what she tried to tell herself, seeing him didn't get any easier. Every time she spotted that bright red mohawk at school, she lost her footing in the real world, and the pain was back like a wrecking ball, destroying all the progress she had made in therapy.
She craved opiates more than ever, but maybe it was for the best she didn't have any. She knew that the only way through this pain was to feel it, to let it burn her to ashes instead of trying to soothe it with drugs - even if it meant that this time she would die, instead of being reborn as a phoenix.
She hated Hawk fiercely, for causing her this much pain. And yet, she wanted him more than ever. She missed him, missed everything about him, she missed his scent of steel and cotton and salt, missed the way he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple, she missed the sound of his voice - always a bit hoarse, rough around the edges - she missed his laughter that was sudden and unapologetic, she missed the way he took her hand under the table in English class and their fingers entwined. She missed all that so much that it felt like someone had robbed the oxygen from the air, and she was slowly suffocating to death.
It was unbearable to know that it had all been in her head. He had never loved her like she had loved him. It had all been a lie, and she was an idiot longing for something that had never existed in the first place.
If there ever had been anything real between them, it had died a long time ago, when Eli had disappeared and Hawk had taken his place. There was no point in longing for what could never be again - so when Sky saw Hawk in the hallways, she looked away and walked past him as if he wasn't even there, when she sat in front of him in the English class she buried herself in school work and didn't turn to look at him once during all the lesson, and when she heard him in the cafeteria, laughing loudly with his friends, Sky slipped her earphones on and turned the music louder so that she wouldn't hear, forced herself to finish her meal, one forkful at the time.
That was the way she would have to go on. Fighting through the painful moments, until she emerged from the other side, rising from her ashes like a phoenix.
She didn't feel like a phoenix, though, after three days of school and Karate. She felt like she could sleep for a week - but Miggy had managed to talk her into joining him and the rest of the Eagles in some Christmas thing. She wasn't sure what it was about, he had been pretty vague about it, and Sky had done her best to decline, but Miggy had had none of it. He had practically forced Sky to say yes, and finally, she had agreed.
Miggy had said it would do her good to spend time with the guys outside practice. They could have a couple of beers, chill out and just have fun without having to sweat their asses off under Johnny's ruthless command.
Spending all evening with Mitch and Bert didn't sound that awesome, but if there was going to be beer, Sky was in. She might be done with drugs, but Hell if she hadn't earned a beer or two after everything that had happened. It was Christmas after all, and against all odds, she was still alive - if that wasn't a reason to celebrate, she didn't know what was.
She was home getting ready, a towel still in her hair after the shower, when she heard the doorbell.
Sky frowned. Miguel was early, which was pretty damn inconvenient. Even if it was just a hang out with her karate buddies, Sky had been looking forward to wearing something nice, even applying some makeup - things she hadn't done during her time in rehab. Grabbing the bright green skirt she had laid on her bed in advance, and jumping in it, she called out to Dad.
"Can you get the door? It's Miggy, and I'm not dressed yet!"
She dressed up quickly, pairing the green skirt with knee-high socks and an ugly Christmas sweater that said: "Naughty AF" (it had been a gift from Kat a couple of Christmases back). But when she made her way downstairs some minutes later, it wasn't Miggy at the door.
It was Cody.