Hawk had to admit that things had been better since the talk with Sky.
There was no more crying, no more tears. At the dojo Sky accepted his presence and participated in all the exercises, even if it meant training with him. She even sat with their group at snack break, instead of searching for a spot where she could eat alone. If his presence hurt her, she didn't let it show - though sometimes when she thought he wasn't looking, he saw the pain in her tense posture, saw how she pressed her hand on her heart as if trying to soothe away the ache.
That always made him feel like there was a hole in his chest. He wished he could walk to her, to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be fine - but of course, that was impossible. She wasn't his to comfort anymore. She might have been civil with him, but that didn't mean they were friends. Sky never searched for his company, never talked to him unless it was about karate or school, and even then only with short, simple sentences, without looking him in the eye.
Still - the fact that Sky even tolerated his presence, was a fucking miracle.
The other night Demetri had asked everyone to his place to watch a movie, and Sky had agreed to come, even if it meant sitting in the same room with Hawk for hours.
Afterward, Hawk couldn't even remember what movie it had been. He had been unable to concentrate on anything but the fact that Sky was there. Even if she'd been sitting on the opposite end of the couch, barely acknowledging him at all - both Yas and Demetri had been squeezed between them on that small couch - Hawk had still felt Sky's presence in his veins, in his gut, turning everything inside him soft and hot and trembling.
The sweet sound of her laughter when Demetri had been commenting on the movie, had shattered him. He had missed that sound more than anything in the world. In the middle of the movie, he had had to flee to the bathroom to rinse his face with ice-cold water, to calm the frantic beat of his heart.
Still, even if all this was definitely progress, things were far from perfect, and some days the awkward situation they found themselves in, crushed Hawk like a sudden landslide.
Like today.
They were in the school, it was the lunch break and Hawk was following Demetri through the cafeteria, holding his tray. He was only half-listening to Demetri's non-stop commentary about the latest Dungeon Lord comic, as his mind was still trying to figure out an especially difficult physics problem he had failed to solve in class, so he only realized what was happening when it was too late.
Yasmine was already there, at her regular table, flashing a grin at Demetri as they approached, and with her were Sam, Miguel, and Sky. Hawk froze on his feet. Next to Sky, sat Cody.
Hawk's gut clenched into a tight, cold knot of anxiety, jealousy, anger and guilt. Cody glanced up from his food, and his eyes turned to ice, his jawline went hard. They hadn't really seen each other since their messed-up encounter at Kyler's, weeks ago. Cody usually ate with his friends - the Drama Club nerds - while Sky sat with Sam, Miguel, and the rest of them at lunch break. But of course, this was bound to happen sooner or later. He should have seen this coming. Sky was allowed to sit with her boyfriend - it was what normal people did, people who had moved on, who were in love, who still had a heart.
"I should—" Hawk said, gripping his tray so hard his knuckles turned white. "I'm just gonna sit somewhere else—"
He turned to leave - scanning his surroundings. He could always sit with Chris and Mitch, or even Nate and Bert— he had options now, he wouldn't have to be alone—
"It's okay," said a silent voice, making Hawk turn to look. "Just— sit down."
Hawk's heart jumped painfully against his ribs. Sky wasn't looking at him and her voice was tense, a bit hoarse, but it cut straight through all Hawk's defenses, took away his words, and he couldn't do anything but slide his tray on the table and sink in a chair next to Demetri.
For a couple of heartbeats, an awkward silence lingered at the table, but then Sam started talking about the coming exams, and Yas replied by telling how much she had improved in chemistry since Demetri had started tutoring her. Miguel laughed, which made Sky comment something dirty about Demetri's "tutoring"—
And just like that the tense silence was broken. Hawk picked up his fork and started eating, trying to ignore the tightness in his throat.
The conversation flowed on, easily and naturally, and if someone noticed that Hawk wasn't taking part, at least they didn't say anything about it. Briefly, he glanced at Cody over the table, taking a sip of his lemonade. The other boy pretended not to notice - he acted as if Hawk wasn't even there, which was probably a wise move, but still, Hawk was annoyed.
It was the way Cody was looking at Sky that made jealousy scrape Hawk's insides with sharp, cold claws. Cody's dark eyes were soft, his smile was easy. Under the table, he was holding her hand - and Oh, how Hawk wished he hadn't noticed that. It brought back too many memories of English class when it had been him sitting next to Sky, it had been him taking her hand under the table, or sliding his fingers up and down her thigh under her skirt—
Longing for Sky's touch formed a painful lump in his chest. He had to take another sip of his drink, but the bitter lemonade did nothing to ease the bitterness that already lingered on his tongue.
Sky still had English with him. But she only talked to him when Ms. Hardinge paired them up, and there sure wasn't any holding of hands or touching any other part of Sky's body. There never would be. He knew that, had tried his best to accept that, but still, it felt like swallowing broken glass.
"—and there were real owls!" Sky kept telling excitedly, drawing Hawk into the moment. Real what? He placed his lemonade back on the table and licked his lips, listening as Sky went on. "The kids got to take photos with them and fly them and all. It was crazy, like totally insane."
They were talking about someone's birthday party, Hawk realized. He glanced at his food and started pushing it around his plate with his fork, his appetite long gone. The fries had turned cold and sticky.
"And butterbeer—" Sky was saying. "That shit was so good, though. And— you won't believe it! Severus Snape was there—"
"You do know he's a fictional character?" Demetri pointed out. "And dead, I might add."
"Snape is not dead," Sky snapped. "Not to me, anyway. But that's not my point— The whole fricking Hogwarts staff was at Leigh's birthday! Even Hagrid!"
Leigh? Hawk had no idea who that was, but as he seemed to be the only one, he didn't want to ask. He felt stupid enough already, just sitting there without saying a word, pushing his stupid fries around the stupid plate.
"Hagrid?" Demetri frowned. "I suppose this one wasn't a half-giant?"
"He sure looked like it," Sky laughed happily, glancing at Cody with sparkling eyes. "I don't know how it's possible, but he was huge."
"He had stilts," Cody spoke, his voice surprisingly soft and silent. "My parents hired a group of actors and acrobats for the party."
His parents - so Leigh was probably Cody's sister. Of course, they were rich as fuck. Hawk silently rolled his eyes and stuffed his fork into his food almost violently. Cody was such a brat - rich and spoiled. He had probably had birthdays like that too, with magicians and bouncy castles, getting Rolex watches as gifts at the age of ten, and eating cake from golden fucking plates.
Suddenly Hawk hated him even more. He kept stabbing the food on his plate with his fork, imagining Cody's face in the pile of fries.
"Am I too old to have a Harry Potter birthday party?" Asked Sam with a laugh. "Because this is giving me a lot of ideas."
Hawk noticed how Miguel glanced at Sam with hearts in his eyes, looking like the fucking in-love emoji, which kind of annoyed Hawk. Not the fact that Miguel was with Sam - Miggy deserved to be happy and if he was happy with Sam, who was Hawk to say anything about it? Besides, Sam was a lot cooler than he had given her credit for. So no, it wasn't Sam and Miggy that annoyed him - it was the sudden realization that everyone else at this table was dating, except for him.
Miguel and Sam, Demetri and Yasmine, Cody and Sky. Three couples. And then him, the lone loser.
That thought weighed heavily on his chest. He had worked so fucking hard not to be a loser— and now what? He was as alone and as quiet in the crowd, as he had been before he had ever flipped the script.
Maybe he wasn't even Hawk anymore. Maybe he was Eli again, and whatever Demetri had said about that being a good thing, he just couldn't feel it.
Sky was laughing as she said something to Cody, and Cody brought a hand to brush an escaped curl behind her ear, making her cheeks turn rosy. Something dark and ugly twisted and turned in Hawk's chest at that sight, and he almost choked on the lump in his throat. Sky was smiling, she looked happy. Hawk knew he was a despicable creature for wanting to ruin her happiness, for wanting to stab Cody in the eye with his fork, for wanting Sky back, back for himself, back forever—
Jesus, get a grip. She's moved on and so should I.
He swallowed down his anger, his jealousy, and took a deep gulp of the cheap lemonade that tasted too bitter on his tongue. Sky is happy with him. She's moved on. She fucking loves him, so why the fuck can't I just get over this shit already?
To get his emotion under control, he looked away, glanced at the table that wasn't too far from theirs, where his lab partner Cassie was having lunch with her friends. She was really pretty in her jeans and a bright red Deadpool T-shirt that hugged her curves, and for a short moment, Hawk wondered how things would be now if he had started dating her. Maybe some action with Cassie would have helped him to get over Sky and this agony her presence still caused him? It still wasn't too late, probably.
Cassie noticed him looking at her, and flashed him a quick smile, but then turned her eyes away, making Hawk feel a bit shitty.
Maybe it was too late. Maybe he had fucked up his chances with Cassie by first kissing her and then not asking her out. She hadn't said so, but the truth was that she had been a lot more distant after that.
It didn't matter, though. Hawk was still madly in love with Sky, even if it was hopeless, stupid, pathetic, a waste of his fucking time.
"You know, it's Cody's birthday this Friday," Sky said, and Hawk drew his eyes off Cassie and her nice curves. "He's turning eighteen."
People smiled and congratulated Cody, and he smiled back, but there was something tense in his posture, in the line of his jaw. He looked uncomfortable, as if he was annoyed that Sky had said anything, and he glanced at her with a frown. Hawk arched a brow, suddenly intrigued. Sky was acting as if she didn't notice, but her cheeks heated, which didn't go unnoticed by Hawk. Wait, what? They've argued? Maybe things aren't so fucking perfect between them after all.
That thought pleased him more than it should have. He quickly suppressed the smirk that he felt on his lips.
"So, are you throwing a party?" Yasmine asked, a grin in her voice. "You must invite us."
Cody didn't meet Yasmine's eyes. He pulled his hand from Sky's and leaned his elbows on the table.
"I'm not really a party person."
"So he says," Sky noted with a sigh. "But I don't believe him. I mean, who doesn't like parties?"
"Sky—" Cody started, but then stopped mid-sentence to let out a tense breath. "You know what— I forgot, I've got to go to the library before the next class. I'll see you later."
He stood up and took his tray, flashed a smile to everyone at the table before walking away, but that smile was about as fake as everything else in Cody Bishop.
Hawk watched him go, and the smirk kept tugging at the corner of his mouth. The way Cody walked away from Sky gave him a sudden burst of hope.
"What was that about?" asked Sam, turning her eyes to Sky.
She waved her hand and laughed. "Nothing, don't worry about it. So, I'm throwing him a party this Friday and I could use some help. Who's in?"
Hawk sighed and stood up, picking up the tray with his unfinished meal. Sky's question didn't include him, that much he knew, and fuck it - he wasn't going to sit here and listen to them planning a party for that arrogant dick-head.
"I gotta go too," he said, collecting his things. "See you at the dojo."
Sky didn't look at him as he turned to leave. She was already explaining the party details to her friends, her hands flying through the air as she spoke. Champagne she was saying Cody loves Champagne—
But her voice was a bit too cheerful, a bit too sharp around the edges, and Hawk knew her well enough to spot the hidden tremor in it. There was definitely something going on, something about Cody and his birthday - and whatever it was, Hawk couldn't wait to see it unfold.
Maybe there is hope after all.