Rule number one of recovery:

Don't hang out with addicts.

Even if it meant cutting out your family, your best friend, your sister, or your brother or throwing your granny to the wolves - you fucking did it, without looking back, because staying clean while spending time with people who did drugs, was impossible.

No one was that strong.

Sky knew that.

Her therapist kept repeating it, the staff at the outpatient clinic where she went once a week kept saying that, her dad kept saying that. Hanging out with people who do drugs, makes you do drugs. You don't want to throw away everything you worked so hard for, do you, Sky?

And yet, looking at Luke, standing there in the doorway, his eyes foggy, his smile just a bit slow, Sky knew she didn't have the heart to do what would have been the smart thing.

She had lost too many people already. She wasn't going to lose Luke too.

"Luke," she breathed, hugging the plates against her chest. "Luke, oh no—"

The smile on his lips faltered and his shoulders sagged as he turned his eyes down.

"You want me to leave?"

"Luke, why? Why did you start that shit again?"

"Shit—" he shifted weight on his feet, restless and tense. "Well, what do you think? You'd have to be a saint to live with my parents and not do drugs. But hey, it's cool— if you want me gone, I get it."

Sky let out a sigh as she took a long look at Luke, who was still standing by the door, ready to walk out of it if she chose to ask that of him. He was even thinner than before, the skin was stretched tight over the delicate bone structure of his face. His nose was so sharp it resembled a bird's peak, his hand that lingered on the door handle, was nothing but skin and bone. The neon yellow hair that had reached his shoulders was gone - replaced by a shorter, shock-pink cut, yet long enough for the strands to fall over his eyes, curl around his ears. He was wearing black - black boots, black pants with chains and spikes, a loose, long-sleeved, black T-shirt with a band logo, and everything about him was so familiar that it hurt.

"Of course, I don't want you gone," she said, abandoning the plates and the forks on a nearby table. "God, I missed you!"

She threw her arms around his neck and relieved, he caught her, hugged her tight against his bony chest. Luke. In a heartbeat it was all back - the first nights in rehab, when he held her hand when she cried and cried and cried. Luke - sneaking with her into Nurse Rivera's office to steal some cigarettes. Luke - painting her toenails after dinner in pajamas on the floor of her room. Everything about him was familiar - from the way he held her against his lean, tall body, to the scent of his skin, but—

There was a weird smell in his clothes, a different smell, like burning plastic and sugar—

She let go of him and took a step back, her chest clenching tight, tight. The music and people's voices were coming from the next room, but they sounded like they came from a different world, when Sky slowly took Luke's hand in hers and peeled up his sleeve.

He let out a tense breath but didn't stop her.

The new self-harm scars were a map of bright, bloody stripes over the old ones that had already turned different shades of red, white, and silver. But that wasn't the worst. Wherever the veins were close enough to surface, the needle marks covered his pale skin, red and bruised and nasty. Sky's stomach turned, she tasted the bile at the back of her throat.

She let Luke's hand fall as if his touch had burnt her.

"What are you on?"

He let out a laugh, but it didn't sound happy. It was a sad sound, dark and tired.

"What am I not on?"

"Jesus, Luke—"

"So, you're still clean?" He interrupted her, clearly to change the topic. "Living that magic life we all dreamed about, huh? The tea actually healed you?"

"Don't remind me of the tea. It tasted like shit," Sky shivered at that memory. "But— yeah, I'm not using."

A short silence fell between them. Luke pushed his hands into the pockets of his black pants.

"How is that even possible? I mean— don't you miss it?"

Only he could ask that. Of all the people Sky had spent time with since getting out of rehab - Cody, Sam, Moon, Yasmine, Demetri, Miguel, Dad— Not one of them had asked if she missed drugs. Everyone acted as if she was saved, as if she was lucky and happy and healthy and that everything was now fucking awesome, now that she wasn't using anymore, but—

But Luke knew how it really felt. And that's why Sky loved him fiercely, loved him like a lost twin. And that's why she couldn't throw him out.

He was the only one who understood what quitting drugs really meant. That it wasn't nice and wonderful and neverending blue skies and sunshine like everyone else seems to think. It was a tragedy. It was a deep sorrow. It was dark, desperate hopelessness. Quitting drugs was like losing your best friend, a friend who was always there for you, who always accepted you with open arms, a friend who always made you feel better about yourself, even if it was just for a little while before the world hit you in the face again and showed you what a miserable piece of shit you truly were.

Who wouldn't miss that?

"Every fucking day," she replied, her voice a bit shaky. "I miss it more than anything. Life is so hard. It's just so fucking hard."

Luke's blue eyes turned soft. "I know. I lasted two days."

Two days?

Sky's stomach turned into a tight knot. Luke looked so thin, so fragile. As long as Sky had known him, he had been sick - but now, he looked worse than ever. The shadows under his eyes were almost as black as his clothes.

"Maybe you should go back. To rehab. I know it sucks, but—"

"Come on," Luke groaned, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I didn't come here for a lecture. I came for a party. You promised there would be beer. Besides, it doesn't matter - my folks won't send me to rehab anymore. Mom said they're done. Like - really done. She said they won't be paying for that shit again, because it does no good, and I'm honestly okay with that."

Sky's heart was so heavy she feared it would break. She turned her eyes away and glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone. The hall was empty, but the sounds coming from the living room were getting louder. Sky could hear Yasmine calling Cody's name, saying something about shot glasses and vodka—

Sky decided to stop listening - the girls seemed to have everything under control - and turned her attention back to Luke.

"Seriously, Luke - you should think about getting some help, even if it's not there. There are other places, like outpatient things, AA groups— You know what Cody once said to me?"

"Ahh, the lover boy. Please enlighten me. I hope it's something dirty."

"No, come on! He said that there's no happy ending for an addict. And he was right. You know that too."

Luke made a face and started picking on his chipped nail polish. There was something sharp in his posture, something tense that hadn't been there before.

"Yeah, well, it is what it is. Instead of rehab, guess where my parents want to send me."

"Where?"

"One of those church camps that are supposed to make you not gay. I guess they think that Jesus will make me stop wanting to get high, and the Holy Spirit will shoot the gayness out of me like rainbows out off unicorn's ass."

Sky's jaw dropped. "What the actual fuck—?"

"There's an upside though."

"There is?"

Luke's grin was the same as it had been, it was wide and sharp, it lit up his whole face.

"Everyone there's gonna be so fucking gay. I might have the time of my life."

Sky couldn't help laughing. She had missed Luke's sense of humor, the fact that nothing was too dark to laugh about.

"Maybe you'll meet someone special," she grinned. "Who knows? It might be love that heals you, not Jesus."

Luke's eyes turned serious.

"Talking about love—" he glanced towards the living room, from where Cody's laughter echoed into the hall. "Is that it? I have to say, I was a bit surprised when you told me you were dating."

Sky felt her cheeks heating. She picked up the plates from the table where she had laid them, to avoid Luke's gaze.

"It was you who told me Cody was in love with me," she shrugged. "Turned out to be true."

"Well yeah, but— are you in love with him?"

"I am— working on it."

"That sounds super romantic," Luke noted, sarcasm oozing from his voice. It made something grow heavy in Sky's chest. Her tone was a bit annoyed when she spoke.

"I love him. I do. He's amazing, and I want to make this work."

"Right," Luke sighed. "Okay. But what about the other guy? Cause last time we talked, you were still in love with your ex - the heart-breaking mohawk boy?"

Sky's heart twisted and turned painfully in her chest. Luke knew her better than probably anyone. She had spilled her heart out to him, during the sleepless nights at the rehab. She had told him everything - how desperately she had loved Hawk, and how badly Hawk had destroyed that love.

"He broke my heart, there's nothing else to it," she replied, without meeting Luke's eyes. "Am I not allowed to move on?"

"Sure. Why not?" Luke was rubbing his forearms through the fabric of his long-sleeved T-shirt. His scars were always itching, Sky knew, and there were a whole bunch of new ones. "So, is there beer? Cause you promised me there would be."

"Come," Sky said and signaled him to follow, her heart still heavy. "I'll get you one."

The party seemed to have kicked off while Sky had been getting the plates and talking with Luke. Everyone had found something to drink, and the laughter and the talk were loud as people tried to be heard over the music. Yasmine and Moon were organizing a drinking game and had been able to get some of Cody's Drama Club friends to join their group, for which Sky was happy. She was very much aware of the fact that they were two separate groups of people here - her friends and Cody's - but the girls had assured her it was nothing some beer and games wouldn't fix. They seemed to be right. As Sky walked into the room, she saw Moon grabbing Tom's hand, pulling him with her, making Tom's round cheeks blush.

"No way—" was Cody laughing as Yasmine tried to invite him into the circle too. "It's way too early for Never have I ever. Maybe later."

Not likely, Sky thought, knowing very well that Cody would rather gnaw off a limb than participate in that game. A flash of guilt twisted Sky's chest, as she remembered his tears, his pain. She would have to make sure no one made Cody do anything he didn't want to do tonight, that even if this party had started in a lousy way, it would end up being amazing for him.

"Hey, look who's here," She walked to Cody, and laid a gentle hand on his arm, making him turn around. A bright, genuine smile lit up Cody's face.

"Luke! Hey, it's great to see you, man—" He laughed. "Nice hair!"

"You know - pink goes with everything." Luke ran a hand through his shocking mane and grinned, revealing all his sharp teeth.

Sky watched how the boys hit it off. They had always gotten along well, and when Cody had visited Sky in rehab, he had also befriended Luke. Sky found her glass and drank some more, filled Cody's glass - which he emptied pretty fast - and got Luke the beer he had been asking for.

Luke was pretty good at hiding the fact that he was high, Sky realized while watching the boys talk and drink. She wondered if anyone else noticed the slight fogginess of his eyes— but no, of course, they wouldn't. She was the only one who knew how Luke was when he was sober, she was the only one who would notice the difference. Probably even Cody couldn't tell.

Cody, who was carrying wounds and secrets too, and hiding them from everyone behind the mask that was now flawless.

Suddenly all the secrets felt heavy on her chest. Cody's tears, his trauma, Luke's drug abuse, his horrible parents, her own messed up situation with Hawk—

Why am I even thinking about him now? Jesus— it's Cody's birthday for fuck's sake.

But it wasn't just the heated dreams that haunted her now. Luke's questions had brought other things into her mind too, things that weren't as easily dismissed as the dreams. Her talk with Hawk in school earlier today kept replaying in her mind. He had been so nice— it had been almost like talking with Eli again. For a moment she had let herself fall into that familiar comfort, and everything had felt easy between them, natural.

She had missed that. She had missed Eli.

If he was really back—

Sky glanced at her boyfriend, her heart twisting painfully in her chest. She loved him, it wasn't a lie - but that love was still new and fragile and light, not an all-consuming wildfire like her love for Eli had been, the love she had wanted dead and gone, but that was still smoldering somewhere deep in her gut, the one that sneaked into her dreams every night and made her want unspeakable things.

Christ. I wish I was high—

That thought slithered its way into her mind like a snake, quick and treacherous, taking her breath away.

Her eyes turned to Luke, to the way he so easily laughed and talked with Cody as if he had no worries in the world.

What am I not on? he had asked, and suddenly all Sky could think about were pills. Those white little wonders that would so easily erase all this anxiety that was making her stomach tie into a tight knot. Just one little pill and this sickening mess would go away, just one little pill and she would feel the warm wings wrapping around her body, holding her safe, safe, safe—

Maybe Luke had something with him. No one would know, if she took just a tiny bit, just for tonight, just to get over this nauseating mess of feelings that was killing her.

Just this once.

She could go back to being sober tomorrow, and no one would ever have to find out.

"Luke—" she said and laid a hand on his skinny arm, making him turn to face her. "I was thinking—"

But her sentence was cut in half, as Yasmine appeared on her side. Her smile was wide and her blue eyes shined as she flipped her hair behind her shoulder.

"Sky, come! You must join us." She announced. "This game won't be half as fun without you!"

It was impossible to argue with Yasmine when she had made up her mind. With a sigh, Sky let Yas pull her into the circle of people sitting on the floor.

The drugs would have to wait.