At first, Sky didn't feel anything.

Silently she leaned on the wall next to the bathroom door and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. The music was still echoing from downstairs, a steady, fast beat, but over that, she heard someone laughing in the hallway. Yasmine - laughing loud and carefree and unashamed, her heels clicking on the floor as she ran past Sky's door. After her came another set of footsteps, slower, longer steps of sneakered feet that could only belong to Demetri.

"Come on, the guest room is here—" Yasmine laughed, and soon Sky heard the door opening and closing at the other end of the hall, and Yasmine making a surprised yelp that ended in a giggle.

Sky let out a sigh and closed her eyes, leaning the back of her head on the wall. Not that she wasn't happy for Yas and Demetri, but still. Their love was so pretty - Sky couldn't help but compare it to her own love life, the mess of it all, her heart that was stained and dirty and treacherous.

"Looks like the guest room is taken," she noted to Luke who was crushing another pill with the spoon. "You'll have to wait if you want to hook up with Joey."

Luke took the rolled-up bill from Sky's fingers and glanced at her over his shoulder. "Joey is hot and all. But you know no one normal will ever love us. It's just the way it is."

Sky didn't say anything to that. There hardly was much to say, she knew he was right, but still, his words felt like an arrow through her heart. Had she fucked up her life herself? Was it her own fault that she didn't deserve anything nice or normal, the kind of love Yas and Demetri had? Her nostrils were itching, but she kept breathing in, fighting the urge to blow her nose. She felt numb, there was nothing inside of her heart, nothing but emptiness, and a desperate need for the drug to kick in already, to kick in, kick in, kick in—

Silently she watched how Luke snorted the powder into his nose with such ease that told Sky he had done it a thousand times before.

"So? How fast will it kick in?" Sky asked when he straightened and wiped his nose with his sleeve, leaving some fine, white powder stains on the black fabric.

He shrugged his bony shoulders. "Faster than if you'd swallowed it. But give it a couple of minutes.

Sky gave a silent nod. The anxiety was still gripping her chest with an iron grip, making her breathing fast and shallow, her palms were covered with cold sweat and she wiped them in her skirt, the layers of her stupid, pink, lace dress. She was still drowning, feeling like her lungs were filled with murky water. Luke's scent of burnt plastic and sugar filled her nose with every inhale, turning and twisting something in her chest. She wondered what he had taken before - Oxy didn't have a smell, not even if injected, at least she didn't think so.

"So, you want to talk about what happened?" Luke asked softly, leaning on the wall next to Sky.

Sky shrugged, fidgeting with the frills of her skirt. "Nothing. Everything. It's just… Cody's Mom hates me. His friends hate me. And I walked on him having cake with Jess. It was just… weird. Like something was going on."

"Who's Jess?" Luke frowned.

"One of Cody's friends. I think she's in love with him." As she said it, she realized it was true. It wasn't surprising - but what did surprise her, was the way it made her feel. Like someone was stabbing her in her heart. "I just hope… I hope he's not cheating on me."

Luke laughed. "Come on, he's not cheating on you! That boy fucking loves you."

"You just said that no one normal would ever love me."

"He isn't normal, though, is he?" Luke said. His eyes were foggier than before, his voice was soft and melodic. The drug was clearly starting to kick in, smoothing all his edges. "He's just as fucked up as we are. But— are you jealous? Cause it kinda sounds like you are?"

"Maybe," Sky drew in a shaky breath, let it out slowly. "I mean - I did something stupid. I texted Hawk."

"Shit, girl– You drunk texted your ex?"

"I know!" Sky groaned, throwing her hands into the air. "I said it was stupid! It's just— It's hard being around him every day. Training with him, seeing him at school– He acts all different these days, like he's really changing. It makes me think about the good times, like— we used to be really happy before— before he turned into an asshole. And I've been… having these dreams. About us, together."

Luke laughed again. The sound of his laughter was dreamlike, soft, like smoke in the air. Suddenly Sky craved a cigarette. Or a beer. Her mind was slipping, she wasn't quite sure what they were talking about anymore.

"Steamy dreams?" Luke arched a brow and grinned. "Fucking awesome. Those are the best."

Sky felt her cheeks heating. She looked down to her toes, her glittery pink toenails in her cute, golden heels. Steamy dreams, Hell yeah. In her dreams, she had forgiven Hawk, and they were back together. He laid her down on her bed and kissed her neck, kissed her boobs, made love to her so fucking slow and deep that she came screaming his name, woke up covered in sweat, tangled in her sheets.

Those dreams were driving her fucking nuts. She wanted them to stop - and yet, feared that they would.

"It's not so much fun if you're dreaming about your ex. An ex who broke your heart and whom you just wanna forget."

"Oh yeah, and how is that working out for you?"

Suddenly that question was funny, and Sky started giggling. The giggle turned into a loud, unexpected burst of laughter. Oh God, she couldn't remember when was the last time she'd laughed, laughed like this, like nothing mattered, not even her breaking heart.

"It's an absolute fucking nightmare," She laughed, leaning the back of her head against the wall. "I mean, I love Cody, but— but I guess I still love Hawk too. And it's such a fucking mess! Why can't I just have both of them? Why do I even have to choose?"

"Girl, neither one of those guys sounds like the type who wants to share. So you better make up your mind, or you won't end up having a hot threesome, but you'll be alone and broken-hearted. Just saying."

"Right." She let out a long sigh, swallowing the bursts of laughter that wanted to break free. "Right. You are 100% right. Let's go, and I'll find Cody and you can continue whatever it is you were doing with Joey. Maybe he's not normal either, Luke - maybe he's sick and twisted too and he'll fall in love with you."

Luke laughed. "Oh God - I don't even care about love. I just wanna hook up with someone. You know how long it's been since I got laid? It's been fucking six months. Jesus - I'd die for a blowjob."

"Well too bad the guestroom is taken," Sky smirked, making Luke let out a frustrated curse.

Sky could hear some faint noises coming from the guest room, but luckily her bathroom was between the two rooms, muffling the voices a bit, and the music did the rest. It wasn't like she wanted to hear Yas and Demetri's sex sounds - or Luke and Joye's either, if they ended up in that room later on.

Which made her think about Cody and the things she had planned to do with him in this room tonight. Things she had practically promised him, when asking if he could stay for the night. Suddenly the memory of the stuff they had done this morning in his bathroom, flushed through her body as a hot wave, making her flustered. She needed him. She needed him here, in that bed with her, his hips between her thighs, his lips on her neck, sucking on her sensitive skin, the scent of his aftershave, cotton, and boy filling her nostrils, shoving everything else out of her mind, especially Hawk.

She never should have left Cody in the backyard with Jess. Why had she just walked away like that? It felt stupid now. What was she, a coward and a loser who just let someone else steal her boyfriend? She should have just walked to Cody, taken his hand, and led him here, into her room, into her bed, and everything would have ended differently. He would have told her he loved her, he would have made her come a thousand times, and she never would have taken Oxy.

Though now, she didn't even care. She was on her way to heaven as the effect of the drug finally kicked in full force.

The floor was suddenly soft under her feet, as she walked out of her room with Luke. The high heels had stopped hurting, she was light, her feet barely touched the floor. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God! She could breathe. For the first time in months, she was breathing. Deep, relaxed breaths, that filled her lungs with oxygen, the air flowed into her veins, making everything bright, light, wonderful.

The weight on her chest was gone.

The guilt.

The shame.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

She was free, finally, she was weightless, floating in the air.

"Oh my God," she laughed, and took Luke's hand, squeezing it hard. "Oh my fucking God, Luke, it's been such a long time— I had forgotten it felt like this!"

He was laughing now too, as they made their way down the stairs, stumbled on the steps, holding each other's hands so that they wouldn't fall. Everything was beautiful. She was beautiful, and Luke was beautiful too, in his black clothes, with his bubblegum pink hair that curled around his a bit pointed ears, his bright blue eyes were gorgeous and full of life, full of joy, full of sparkle. Sky wondered why she had been so worried about him before. They were flying. She didn't even care what happened, they could both be dead by tomorrow, but so fucking what? That would be beautiful too, they would die young and pretty and gorgeous, they would fly and crash and burn. Luke was her brother, he was made for this, for nights like this one, wild, crazy nights full of sex and drugs and rock'n'roll, just like she was made for this too, made for nights like this when her heart was so full it would explode, nights like this one, or the one at Fontana di Trevi years ago, when she had run through the dark alleys with Kat, holding her hand laughing, high on weed and love, knowing that she was flying so high that nothing bad would ever touch her.

"You're not driving home, though—" Sky giggled as she suddenly remembered Luke had arrived by car. "You're staying for the night. The guest room—"

"Forget the fucking guest room, it's taken. I'm gonna find Joey and some other empty room."

"I hope you get lucky," Sky laughed as they reached the hall. "Luke, I love you. You know that, right? I fucking love you."

"I love you too, girl. Now go, have fun. I'll talk to you later," Luke replied. He brushed a hand through his cotton-candy hair, and grinned, showing all his sharp, white teeth - and then he was gone, walking towards the kitchen where he had noticed the dark-haired boy rummaging through the fridge, probably in search of beer.

Sky looked after Luke for a heartbeat or so but then turned to go in the opposite direction. Cody. She needed to find Cody, and take him into her room to have mind-blowing sex—

"Sky, wait!"

It was Sam. The urgency in her voice made Sky stop and turn around. Sam rushed to her, followed by Miguel, and they both looked way too serious to Sky's liking. She was finally having fun - she didn't want anyone to try and drag her down again.

"Sky— are you— is everything okay?" Sam asked, stopping in front of her and eyeing Sky from head to toe, a worried frown on her face.

Sky blinked a couple of times, trying to focus. Shit. Her cheeks were flustered, her heartbeat was slow and heavy in her chest. If Sam looked her in the eye, there was no way she wouldn't notice her dilated pupils, her foggy gaze. Sky knew this should have made her worried, but it really didn't - she felt like she was watching all this from afar, like watching a slow-motion video of someone else's life.

"Everything's perfect. Why do you ask?" she smiled, reaching a hand and brushing some of Sam's brown curls behind her ear. "Damn, you look pretty. Isn't she pretty Miguel? Your girlfriend looks hot as fuck tonight."

"Ummm, okay," Miguel replied, exchanging glances with Sam. "I mean, yeah, but—"

"No buts! Are you having fun? I want all of my favorite people to have fun tonight!" Sky grinned, feeling the joy bubbling inside of her like a lava lamp. "There's Champagne and cake— you tasted the cake already? Is it good?"

"Just forget about the cake, okay?" Sam asked sternly, forcing Sky's eyes back to her face. "Are you sure you're okay? I got worried— you disappeared, and then Hawk called—"

Hawk? Something thumped in Sky's chest. Her smile faltered.

"He called you? Why?"

"He's been calling all of us," said Miguel, leaning closer to be heard over the blaring music. "He's worried sick about you, going on about some texts you sent. What happened? I thought you guys weren't even talking."

"We're not. Well, not really. And nothing happened, we just texted a bit, it's not a big deal."

"Then why is he freaking out?" Sam asked.

"How the fuck should I know? He's always freaking out about something. He's sooo fucking melodramatic," Sky rolled her eyes to avoid Sam's observant gaze, but couldn't help the heating of her cheeks. She felt her whole face burning up, could guess it was just as pink as her stupid dress.

"Whatever," Sam snapped, clearly irritated. "I tried calling you, you know, but you left your phone in the kitchen. Where were you? And how much did you drink? You're obviously drunk—"

Sky noticed her phone in Sam's hands, and took it back, clutching it against her chest. Sam hadn't seen her messages to Hawk, had she? No, it was impossible. There was a code lock in her phone, and Sam didn't know the combination.

And why do I even care? It was just a couple of messages—

It had been a weak moment, that was all. He had been so nice to her at school today, it had gotten under her skin. But Sky didn't want to talk about Hawk anymore, not now that she was happy, that she was flying, now that her thoughts were back where they were supposed to be, in her hot boyfriend whom she was about to take into her room to fuck him senseless.

"I was upstairs. In my room. Catching up with Luke. Everything's fine— just stop worrying so much! And tell Hawk to stop acting like we're still dating. Because we're not, and it's none of his business what I'm doing."

"Okay, fine. But maybe cut down on the liquor. You've had enough," Sam replied, clearly annoyed. Her tone made Sky feel a bit bad, she didn't want Sam to be irritated with her. Sam was awesome, she loved her - but this wasn't the conversation Sky wanted to be having now.

"I promise, don't worry" Sky smiled. "I wasn't gonna drink more. I need to find Cody— is he still in the backyard?"

"Yeah, I guess—" Sam replied, but Sky interrupted her sentence by throwing her arms around Sam and hugging her tight as sudden emotion overcame her.

"You're awesome, Sam. You know that? I fucking love you. I'm so glad we're friends, you are the best!" She held Sam tight against her chest. Her scent of cotton and flowers filled Sky's senses, her chest was full of light, of warmth. "You're my best friend. I wanna hang out with you tonight, later, okay? And you too, Miggy, you're fucking amazing too. I love you guys! Let's do something fun!"

Sam broke their hug, took a step back, looking at her with a weird look on her face. "Sky, what's going on? Are you—"

"I'm fine— I gotta go!" Sky laughed, retreating towards the living room. "Gotta find Cody! You go, have fun, eat cake, drink more Champagne!"

Wow, the world was spinning! Sky wasn't quite sure how she was able to stay on her feet, but it had something to do with the music, she knew, with the beat that carried her through the living room as if she was dancing on a cloud. Everywhere around her people were having fun, just like she was having fun, as if nothing existed but this night. Her friends were drinking and talking, a small group of kids was playing truth or dare, Moon amongst them and as Sky passed them, Moon tried to get her attention, to ask her to join the game, but she waved a hand, laughed and walked to the back door.

Cody. I need to find Cody.

The night had turned dark. The air was brisk and cold on her burning face, it filled her lungs and made her head light as she opened the back door.

It was just Cody and Tom in the backyard.

They sat side by side on the porch, a bottle of vodka and two glasses between them. Cody leaned his back on the wall. A cigarette was hanging from his long, slender fingers in a way that made him look like a star of old Hollywood. He was all black and white, beautiful like a pencil drawing, and it stirred some memories in Sky's foggy mind. Memories of strong arms around her, of black night sky with a million stars, of rough denim fabric against her cheek. Those images were slippery, she couldn't grasp them before they were gone, forgotten again.

But Cody was beautiful to look at, and Sky stopped in the doorway just to admire the sight. His hand was tracing slow circles in the air as he talked, the orange coal of the cigarette drawing bright lines and arcs into the black night air. The strange, slow-motion movement of his hand was captivating, hypnotizing.

"It wasn't all bad, you know—" he spoke slowly, his words a bit slurred. "Carol was fun. And she was really nice… At first. Before— before she started using."

"She used to read to me. The very hungry caterpillar. Damn, I loved that book. I fucking loved that book. You know that book, Tom? Yeah, yeah, it's awesome. All the things the caterpillar eats— But… I don't know what happened to that book. I bet Carol sold it to get her fix." Cody took a deep inhale of his cigarette - slow, purposeful, as if he wanted to inhale as much nicotine as possible at once. "It was two days after my fifth birthday, that she made JD beat me up. I was so stupid. A fucking stupid kid. I thought it was gonna be different. She had promised me a cake… Instead, I got like half of my bones broken."

Tom's round face was pale, he was leaning his elbows to his knees.

"Shit, Cody— I didn't know. I had no idea of any of this. Why did you never tell me."

Cody shrugged, then took another slow inhale of his cigarette.

"Because I didn't want to think about it." A short silence. "But lately, it's like all I can think about."

Tom didn't reply. He had noticed Sky standing in the doorway, and raised a hand in a greeting, making Cody turn to look too. Cody swallowed hard, his hand holding the cigarette stopped mid-motion.

"Where's Jess?" Sky asked, leaning in the doorway.

"Left," Tom replied bluntly. "Some time ago."

"Oh?"

"Better that way. I'm just so sick of her shit," Cody spoke, his words slurring together a bit. The ashes of his cigarette were hanging low, they dropped to the porch without him even noticing. "It's my fucking birthday— I just— I don't wanna spend it listening to her fucking whining."

"What happened?" Sky asked. "What did she say? Did you argue?"

Tom turned his eyes down and emptied his shot glass, making it clear he wasn't going to touch this subject. Cody let out a laugh. His eyes were foggy, his pupils wide and dark as he turned his gaze to Sky.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Where did you go? I missed you." He brought the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled, keeping the smoke in for a couple of heartbeats before letting it out. He looked sad, his eyes were red-rimmed as if he'd been crying again, which wasn't surprising, considering he had been talking about Carol.

Sky walked closer to him. The oxy was still keeping her high in the air, and the guilt over Cody's sadness didn't really touch her. He was so beautiful, like a work of art, and he wasn't cheating on her with Jess, no, he had missed Sky because he loved her, and all she could think about was how much she loved him, how much she wanted him, how much fun they were soon going to have.

Without asking if she could, she sank down to sit on his lap. He grabbed her waist to steady her, her thighs fit comfortably on both sides of his hips.

"I tried calling you. You didn't answer." Cody sighed, his hand moving to her thigh, palm against the bare skin. For the first time ever, his touch was cold, not hot. He must have spent all night here, in the chilly air.

Sky leaned closer to him, resting her arms on his shoulders.

"I went to my room. With Luke."

"Oh?" Cody's brows arched high. He leaned the back of his head on the wall as he looked up into her eyes.

"What, are you jealous?" Sky teased. "You know he's gay. He just helped to fix my makeup."

"I'm not jealous— well, not of him. I just missed you."

Sky took his face into her hands, her thumbs brushed the high arcs of his cheekbones. He looked like a painting, a black and white photograph, and it was impossible not to smile in front of that beauty, it was impossible not to love him, because he was a miracle, a fallen star, an angel here in her backyard, a strange, beautiful creature of another world here in her arms. She loved him, her heart was full of light, it filled her chest and her veins, making her glow from the inside out.

"Oh my God, how much I love you," Sky sighed, drowning in his eyes, melting against his chest. The words fell off her lips as natural as breathing. She didn't even remember she had never said that to him before, and that there were reasons why she hadn't.

Cody's eyes widened, his lips parted. "You— what? For real?"

"Of course. You're so fucking beautiful. I love everything about you."

The sound that left his lips was no word. The cigarette was still burning in his fingers, but he threw it away, not even looking where it landed, as he brought both hands into her hair and pulled her into a kiss, kissing her so hungrily it took Sky's breath away.

She laughed into the kiss, and his hands moved to her back, then her waist, pulling her down against him, and her body was soft, warm, she melted into his trembling arms.

From the corner of her eye, Sky saw Tom standing up and leaving, and suddenly that was funny. Sky giggled, breaking the kiss, but Cody's hand on her nape kept her close, his lips kept brushing her mouth as if he was dying to kiss her. The door to the living room opened and closed as Tom went, the sounds of the party briefly invaded the peace of the garden but were soon gone again. They were alone in the world.

"You taste like cigarettes," Sky breathed. "It's so fucking hot."

"Say it again— say that you love me," Cody's eyes were as dark as the night. "Just— say it again."

"I love you," Sky laughed, and leaned closer, her hair falling around their faces. She was light, floating in the air, She was a bubble in a glass of Champagne, going up, up, up and only Cody's hands were holding her on the surface of this planet. "I love you, Cody Bishop."

"Oh my God," his voice was broken, soft, nothing but a sigh. "Oh God, Sky— I love you so much—"

He kissed her again, harder than before. The kiss tasted like smokes and vodka, but under them was the taste of salt, the taste of his tears. Happy tears, she thought. Happy tears. He was happy. Just like she had wanted.

Perfect, perfect, perfect - her life was fucking perfect and she couldn't even remember why she had been so sad for such a long time, why she had thought something was wrong. Her former despair wasn't even a memory anymore, it was a shadow of a memory, and it slipped off her mind. All that existed was this moment - this beautiful night, that beautiful boy in her arms, the love that coursed through her veins powerful as a raging river.

His hands were on her thighs, fingers running up and down the bare skin under her dress, and Sky kept kissing him, her tongue teasing his lips, then dipping deep into his mouth, making him moan into the kiss. Her breasts brushed against his chest, and his grip on her legs grew harder.

Against her inner thigh, she could feel him getting hard, and Oh God, how good that made her feel. Even if his hands were cold, his lips were hot, burning her to ashes, and she wanted those lips not just on her mouth, but on her neck, her chest, her belly - she wanted his face between her legs, that hot tongue circling her clit, making her see stars.

"Let's go to my room," she sighed, her lips still touching his. "It's your birthday, and it's time we celebrate."